House Stories: House II: The Second Story

Back again gentle readers. I do so hope House was enjoyable and you all rushed to your DVD stores and got a copy. This time around we move into the realm of sequels. Yes, I know how many you feel about sequels. Many times I view them as inferior creations relying on basing from the original and never surpassing it. Yet we have Aliens, Godfather II and Superman II so conjure of that what you will. This next story prepares you for a new story with a new house with a barrage of characters rating at PG-13 rather than first's R rating. This is House II: The Second Story.

So according to Ancestry.com I'm my own grandpa.

Practically growing up in a video store I say two different covers for this film. Our movie written by screenwriter Ethan Wiley (House, House II: The Second Story, Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror, Brutal, Black Ops, Bear, Elf-Man and Journey to the Forbidden Valley) brings us twenty something yuppie Jesse (Arye Gross of Tequila Sunrise, For the Boys, A Midnight Clear, The Opposite Sex and How to Live with Them, Ellen and Castle) and his music producer girlfriend Kate (Lar Park-Lincoln of Friday the 13^th Part VII:The New Blood, Knots Landing, Freddy's Nightmares, City of Justice, From the Dark, Gravestoned and The Dancer) have got to inspect the house from his inheritance where his parents murdered while he was a baby, a bizarre home with mixture of Gothic and Aztec design filled with passages and many rooms. Of all the rooms, a fireplace fixture on the mantelpiece was a human sized skull made of crystal (It belongs in a museum!!!) made flawless.

The House that Goofy Made.

His talent manager buddy Charlie (Jonathan Stark of Fright Night, There Were Times, Dear, Project X, Cheers, Bright Lights, Big City, Rain Man, The Spirit of '76, Career Opportunities, Ellen and Stop It) and his singer diva girlfriend Lana (Amy Yasbeck of Days of Our Lives, Magnum, P.I., Generations, Pretty Woman, Problem Child, , Problem Child 2, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, The Mask, Wings, Alright Already and Little Women, Big Cars) seems to be the latest, new thing and the two start conversing with Kate's boss John (Bill Maher of Out of Time, Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death, Pizza Man, Politically Incorrect, Bill Maher: The Decider and Real Time with Bill Maher) while Jesse and Charlie decide to research the skull's history finding it is told to offer a great wish or even the possibility of giving the owner immortality. Jesse and Charlie take off to dig up the relative, Jesse's great, great grandfather and Jesse's name sake. Grandfather or Gramps (Royal Dano of Man of the West, Never Steal Anything Small, Posse From Hell, Death Valley Days, The Outlaw Josey Wales, Gunsmoke, Big Bad Mama and Capone) turns out to not be as dead as they thought and sneak him into the house. He warns the lads that the skull can effect the very fabric of time and space, the house becomes a nexus of different timelines. The Doctor would be fascinated and disturbed at the same time. Aztecs appear, pop Gramps in the head and snagged the skull going through the walls.

Another of Cheer alumni makes his way, electrian Bill (John Ratzenberger of Cheers, Captain Planet and the Planeteers, That Darn Cat, One Night Stand, Toy Story, Monsters, Inc., Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Cars and Ratatouille) checks their wiring in the house and discovers one of those damn pesky temporal portals. Can the boys get the skull back? What other terrors await them? What rewards are to be found?

Sean S. Cunningham once again produced this film and composer Harry Manfredini brings his "A" game for the orchestral. Industrial Light and Magic Phil Tippett brought on the stop motion animation. I goofed not acknowledging Ethan Wiley wrote this film as well as the previous one. Creature sound effects is brought to us by voice actor Frank Welker. This is goofy, fun and just plain entertaining and yes it is safe for young ones in my eyes.

My tanning bed was set too high.

Sequel Rebound: Troll 2

Day 4 of Sequels Rebound is here! Yes we have reached the end of week avoiding pitfalls cliches, tropes and other such writing minutia. We struggle through the sequel in name only variety again as the previous movie was not only in my opinion, not deemed worthy of continuing let alone should have been released to the public for mental safety issues it could create. The brain trusts at Filmirage Productions via Italy felt that writer/director Claudio Fragasso (Strike Commando, Robowar, Zombi 3, Shocking Dark a.k.a. Bruno Mattei's Terminator 2) whose English is broken, takes an Italian film crew to the land of Utah and... makes a PG-13 Horror movie? This is Troll 2.

Not an uncommon site in the woods..a chesty brunette heading to Grandma's house, no doubt.

Grandfather Seth is telling young Josh Waits (Michael Stephenson of Beyond Darkness, The Bulkin Trail, The Paper Brigade and Before He Wakes) the tale of the ancient goblins that once roamed the lands, tricking the innocent into trusting them and devouring them whole. Josh and sister Holly (Connie Young, The Singles Yard, Sons of Provo and Heaven's Door) journey with their parents to the far away town of Nilbog. A farming community that seems to be only inhabited by the people of Torgo and the Creeper as they leave their home for a month and exchange with a local family in Nilbog. Grandpa keeps explaining to Josh that the Goblins want to destroy the family. Grandpa may also inform his daughter, Josh and Holly's mother that he can communicate from beyond the grave.

To keep his family for getting ill or turning into desirable goblin chow, Josh apparently pees on dinner. No he didn't whine and complain about the dishes of the day, he literally whizzes on dinner. The parents took it well. These are the only parents that didn't take a strip off his ass.

Hey audience, is there anything up my nose?

Grandpa keeps warning Josh to convince his parents to leave Nilbog but not ever manifesting in front the boy's parents so he would stop getting yelled at. Holly's pseudo boyfriend Elliott (Jason Wright of Troll 2 and Fields of Gold) travels with his fellow virginal RPG and comic book loving nerds in search for hot girls, ready and available. Yeah so you can see where their heads are at...spoilers it is in their asses.

Josh comes to the startling revelation that Nilbog is Goblin spelled backwards which means the band Goblyn hides out in Utah without interruption or fear of being spotted by Bruno Mattei fans. The whole town is comprised of vegetarian farmers that look like rejects from Cabin Fever or Texas Chainsaw Massacre and just give you the Heebie Jeebies. The people give the term creeper a whole new spin on odd. Their body language is more standoffish than normal, they make disturbing leering expressions and overly annunciate everything they say. Will Josh save his half-wit from the non-trolls? Is everyone in Nilbog completely mental? Will Papa Waits stop saying hospitality???

Referred as the one of the worst film of all time, in 2009, Joshua all grown up provides us with a documentary on the making of Troll 2, the impact the film has had on the cult following and how anyone got any enjoyment out of it. From a technical aspect the film is done well enough,from blocking a scene, lightning, sounds and orchestral. With a projected budget of $200,000, cast and crew had their translation issues given that actors were asked to pronounce every word they said phonetically and without the proper inflections. From an movie viewer's perspective, it drags on, the goblin costumes look absurd and THERE ARE NO TROLLS!!!! Would appreciate less stares directly at the camera though. It is relatively harmless and just plain goofy. 

I say we draw and quarter him, fellas!