Sorority Girls and the Creature from Hell

What do you say, kiddies? Well after Grindsploitation 8 a.k.a. Drive-In Grindhouse, I was itching for some schlocky Horror. So looking into the 90s for an obscure horror film, I will pitch the following: What do you get when you mix a pinch of Slumber Party Massacre, a dash of Evil Dead then whip to a blend of horror, action and comedy? This is Sorority Girls and the Creature from Hell a.k.a. Uncle Ray's Cabin.

They primp and crimp so they may screw like rabbits.

Brought to us by American Cinema Marketing (Ghostkeeper, Moonstalker, Syngenor, Loose Ends, The Lords of Magick and The Devil Wears White) so this could go either way. They are also responsible for distribution of Hobgoblins so yeah, this might sting a bit.

So a gaggle of sorority girls go with some boys to a cabin in the woods. Yeah cause it worked so well for Bruce Campbell. Unbeknownst to them a killer breaks free from his bonds (probably due to skeleton crew or piss poor budgeting) and no Dr. Loomis in sight to tell us how he is composed of pure evil. Shot at the poorly named Mt. Baldy California, with lush campgrounds, forests for getting lost while barely clothed and easily teleporting serial killers, yeah you can do a slasher film up there.

OMG, director! the cameraman's zooming on my cleavage again.

An archeologist looks to unearth the remains of an ancient Native American tribe because (Say it with me) "It belongs in a museum!" So Not Dr. Jones gets reminded by a retiree the dead deserve their rest and to not tamper in God's domain, throw it Crazy Ralph's "It's got a death curse!" and you will still be ignored. Apparently these cats only listen to someone with two or three PhDs.

During the same time, a group of convicts are working a chain gang assignment. Oil and fire shall now commence. More like happenstance; as a busty girl on a bicycle might be distracting, long enough for a prison break. With two prison guards getting the business end of shovels, the break looks promising. Alas one guard was packing an M-16 and mullets start getting shot up. Yeah I haven't seen that many mullets outside of a Wal-Mart at three in the morning. Said perky girl Denise (Stacey Lynn of Sorority Girls and the Creature from Hell and Breakfast in Bed) is blissfully unaware of the road gang carnage and to be fair, just because she had a smoking hot body, doesn't excuse the guards from not paying attention to their job.

Belinda(Dori Courtney of Tango & Cash, Mob Boss, Sorority Girls and the Creature from Hell and Camp Fear) and Mary Anne (Deborah Dutch of Hard to Die,976-Evil II, Divorce Law, Dinosaur Island, Bikini Witness, Dances with Werewolves and Meathook Massacre II) planned and arranged everything so they are good to go for the party after finals. Ew except Sara (Lynette McBrearty of Sorority Girls and the Creature from Hell), she's a NEEEERRRRDDDDD!!!! Oh 90s, I hardly miss you. Don't worry my sexist oinker male readers, the ladies have clearly signed as I like to call it, "The Linnea Quigley School of Nudity Clause" So too much storyline and character development getting you down? Oh look! Bewbs. You're welcome. On a serious note, that was a lot of tan lines. A night of booze, boys and basic debauchery awaits them if only it wasn't for these pesky subplots.

Table Dancing!  $10

Stock footage of Marine helicopters come the woods and residing highways looking for the last hockey hair felon. Yeah it looks near bulletproof so head shots are a no go.

Professor "I Spit on the Ancient Gods" unleashes something dark in the woods, hungry for young flesh. Well enough of that, let's check on our Crazy Ralph substitute. Uncle Ray!

Uncle Ray (Douglas Koth of Critters, Checking Out, Sorority Girls and the Creature from Hell and Equal Justice) is just a day away from crawling inside a whiskey barrel and not facing the world. But having his face morphed into a near terror mask while he serves a talking cave fresh blood is something that does not commonly come up in conversation. Oh Uncle Ray? Yeah he got warped by an evil, sentient cave and is doomed to roam the Earth in search of blood. Pass the potatoes, please?

You get the overall vibe of the movie. Slasher and creature horror, soft porn situations, some less than stellar dialogue with humor as well. Maybe it is the line delivery. Maybe I have seen too many films of this particular ilk. (Ilk, not a big deer) I am not certain but I can say it was diverting, silly and a little bit campy. Clearly the creator did not want to take this completely seriously. I mean just look at the title alone. Very tongue in cheek but I was wondering why the unrequited love between frat bros Skip and Steve was never to be. They seem damn near murderous when spying on Belinda and her new guy. Seriously, they were mere hours away from going to the hardware store for chainsaws and hedge clippers.

The creature SFX is fair. No it's not Rick Baker quality and yeah I can tell there is a lot of rubber that poor guy was sweltering in but honestly, they tried. They looked at this goofy script and went, "Yeah, I think I can make this happen." Ballsy.

Where else are you going to find a monster working for a talking cave? The cave demands more blood!

Beyond Botox!!!

Castle Freak

Hiyas guys and gals, I am back. After a stay over with my folks, I have returned to bring about some more films to review, facts to share and a message we can all take in our hearts. Or maybe some trivia. Today's film hails from director/screenwriter Stuart Gordon (Re-Animator, From Beyond, Dagon, The Black Cat, Robot Jox and Fortress) so yeah, there may be a horror theme in it. Produced by Albert Band and Charles Band of Full Moon Entertainment, we are getting an eyeful. This is Castle Freak.

Finally! A castle to do my re-animation projects!

Inheritance can be rewarding, exhausting and more trouble than it's worth.  John Reilly (Jeffery Combs of Re-Animator, From Beyond, Fortress, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, House on Haunted Hill, Star Trek: Enterprise and SharkMan) his stunning wife Susan (Barbara Crampton of Chopping Mall, Re-Animator, From Beyond, Puppetmaster, Trancers II, Robot Wars, The Bold and the Beautiful, The Lords of Salem and Road Games) and blind daughter Rebecca (Jessica Dollarhide of Major Dad, In Living Color, Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman and Castle Freak) all travel to Italy to see this 12^th century castle John has inherited from the late Duchess D' Orsino (Helen Stirling of The Gay Lord Quex, BBC Sunday-Night Theatre, Sara Crewe and Angels One Five).

At the advice of the estate's executor, the three stay in the castle until they can unload it. Who wants to own a castle??!!!   I mean, other than me.   Thanks to exposition we get to find out the Reilly family are not a bunch of happy bunnies as Susan apparently blames John for the death of their son and the blinding of their daughter due to a drunk driving accident.  Awkward?   Oh just a touch.

Sweetie, that is a natural cycle for a young woman.

However, our turbulent trio is blissfully unaware of the dangers that lurk in the dungeon.  A bizarre and freakish monster locked away.  No sooner does he hear voices that did not originate from his head, he snaps off his own thumb to release him from his manacles and allow him to scurry about.  Ah manacles.   They must think the sun shines on his ass.

Attica! Attica! Attica!!

With a need for blood,(or Italian food. Pick Italian, dude!) our warped monster roams the countryside in search of victims to work out his frustrations on.   Hey, can't really blame him. Chained up and more or less, left to die?  I'd be pissed too.

Unexplained noises in the night, objects broken without anyone knowing how and Rebecca claims a stranger breaks into her bedroom.  Oh wait, sexist response!  Women!  Be quiet!  Piggish menfolk have no time for your twaddle.  Suddenly the housekeeper is missing...after she fails to find said freak in his cell.  Wait a minute...she may be in on this.

Deaths and disappearances are stacking up including the hooker John picked up after Susan didn't want anything to do with him that night. John starts to unravel who the monster might actually be but can he do it before the grotesque grabs his wife and kid?

As a fan of H.P. Lovecraft, I can appreciate Gordon's bizarre and macabre story.   He certainly liked using Jeffery Combs and Barbara Crampton over and over as they have excellent chemistry together.

In spite of this being a Full Moon Entertainment production, they did not use the castle via Subspecies.   Too bad, you could move the story to another country and boom! Reuse that creepy as hell castle.   Um cat fans, you might not appreciate an orange tabby made snack food for said freak.

Could have done without those cutaway scenes too.   Eerie music setting the tone, a dark story and an excellent cast setting the scene.  From the VHS, DVD and Blu-ray, the versions range from 88 mins American release,  90 UK release and finally 95 minutes.   

I have the full 95 and it is...creepy, disturbing and what I come to expect from Stuart Gordon.

Definitely not one for the kids, parents.  Trust me.

For the last time, there are no re-animated corpses around here!!