Sorry Folks!

Hey everyone, I am sorry for not having anything posted.  My Dad is in the hospital for a heart issue and they are getting that sorted and I will be driving him back home due to he really shouldn't be doing that himself offhand.  So I think the week is kind of shot for writing so I shall return next week with a brand new topic.  

Upside to the podcast:  New laptop to record on, we understand levels to record at and we can use Skype for any guest stars we are scheduled to have.  Shawn and I each have some choice guest stars we want to chat with and hopefully we can fulfill that demand.  

Hey!  Hit us up on here for what topics you want to hear for Rotten Ramblin' On.   Give us some ideas what you would like spoken out on.  Should we bash Michael Bay???  Scream at TV execs for re-making all our cartoons of childhood?   Let us know.

You can reach Rotten Reelz Reviews here:  https://www.facebook.com/RottenReelzReviews

and here: https://twitter.com/RottenReelz

I will go over the requests, comments and complaints.  We just improved our items so please less volume complaints on Rotten Ramblin' On.

That's all, folks.

Evil Dead Games: Army of Darkness: Defense

Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up! This is Day 5 of Evil Dead Games. We are moving app games this time around. Yeah it looks like Evil Dead: Regeneration is our last console/PC game thus far. Given the impending Ash Vs Evil Dead series premiere in October 31^st it is feasible that another game is in the works. Until that glorious concept, we have the app game available for Windows, Apple and Android by Backflip Studios (Paper Toss, Paper Toss: World Tour, Harbor Havoc 3D, Strike Knight and Tunnel Shoot) This Army of Darkness: Defense.

Boomstick action!!

Army of Darkness: Defense is a tower defense game involving improved weapons and leveling up both "The Chosen One" and his knights on a 2-D side scrolling bout of battles with humans vs deadites. Trying to incorporate elements of not only the universe of the Army of Darkness but aspects of the story as well. You will need to upgrade the boomstick which cheap to upgrade as you earn coins for shotgun damage, melee attacks via chainsaw and health. You create units made up of Peasant, Swordsman, Spearman, Sword-Boy, Armored Guard, Horseman and Torch-Boy. You can add the characters Wiseman, Henry and Arthur but only one of those three.

Castles are defended by Archers up on the wall and catapults. 

Peasants make great deadite shields.

 Early Waves of the deadites can be thwarted with swordsmen but you don't need to upgrade them right away until you get the Sword-Boy. Even the peasants with swords are pretty effective.

Middle Waves need you to bring out the heroes whenever possible. Horsemen gets into the battle right into the crap ASAP but your peasants are too weak for that kind of action.

The Latter Waves get rough so you need to prep the following: Arthur because his health range is so huge and he has an company of archers which are cheap and easily upgraded.

You lead your knights into a series of fights against the deadites from buying up attacks like Arrow Volley damaging and cooking enemies in an area of effect and the Deathcoaster (the 88 Delta Oldsmobile modified to cut down deadites).

The fans of the film will love the game and it didn't disappoint me at all. I am not really a huge tower defense fan but this little side scroller was entertaining. The leveling has price indexes or you take your time at it but nothing against leveling slowly.

Even the King gets damaged, baby.

Evil Dead Games: Evil Dead Regeneration

What's goin' on kiddies? Welcome back for Day 4 of Evil Dead Games. Well shockingly enough we will heading back to THQ to bring us another heaping of blood, gore, one-liners and decent creature creation and once again published some more chainsaw and boomstick. Produced by (get this) Cranky Pants Games (Red Faction II, Evil Dead: Regeneration and Destroy All Humans! Path of the Furon) . This is Evil Dead: Regeneration.

They think I am crazy.  Just because I hacked up my friends and girlfriend.

Feeling again the vibe of an action hack and slash game again this almost feels like an alternative reality or Earth where Ash did not end up going through the temporal portal that sent him to 1200 AD at the end of Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn. Instead he is captured by the state troopers and dropped by at the Sunny Meadows Asylum.

Locked away in the wacko basket for the criminally insane, the truth as always far more worse than anyone suspected. Ash (voiced again by Bruce Campbell) is visited by his lawyer Sally (Nika Futterman of Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Starcraft II: Heart of the Swarm, The Last of Us, Tenkai Knights, Sofia the First and Dead Rising 3) and is convinced he is stuck here and no one will believe when Sally slaps Professor Knowby's diary down on the table. Sally points out that Ash's shrink, Doctor Reinhard (Jim Ward of Spirited Away, Spider-Man, WALL-E, Despicable Me 2 and Batman: Arkham Knight) seems to want to keep Ash who survived two encounters with the Evil Dead that he may lead to some of the incantations that he may be useful.

Okay bub, yer goin' down.

Reinhard releases the evils with the book but needs the necessary passages from Knowby's diary and the asylum is flooded with the Kandarian demons taking over inmates and guards alike. Ash jumps to attention and steadies himself for the craziness to ensue. After fending off the deadites and the level boss he is visited by the ghost of Professor Knowby ( Jim Ward of Spirited Away, Spider-Man, WALL-E, Despicable Me 2 and Batman: Arkham Knight ) who tells Ash he must close the existing portals that Reinhard has opened in order to stop it from taking over the world but he will need help. Yeah, finally after 3 movies and 3 games prior Ash gets a sidekick in the form of a midget that was made partially deadite by the name of Sam (Ted Raimi of The Evil Dead, Evil Dead II, Intruder, Army of Darkness, SeaQuest 2032, Wishmaster, Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Xena: Warrior Princess and Spider-Man). So grabbing his clothes, boomstick and chainsaw Ash is ready to give the deadites the business end of each and save the world.

The overall gameplay is similar to Fistful of Boomstick for the hack and slash options. There plenty of little puzzles to solve and fighting off the hordes of deadites is not unusual but different levels offer up different weapons including a harpoon gun and a flamethrower. While killing a friend, colleague or fellow survivor in game is considered a huge taboo, Sam can die over and over again in some of the most goofy and comical means like chucking him at deadites or kicking Sam in through doors to unlock them.

Unlike the previous games Ash seems to have unlimited ammo and gas for the boomstick, harpoon gun, flamethrower and chainsaw which really takes away any feeling of desperation and doesn't make you have to be as observant as you did in Hail to the King. He has a rage meter that fills up after x amount of enemies are slain allowing him to invoke Bad Ash and just slaughter anything in his way and also means his life meter won't ebb down as quickly.

The graphics are fair, the soundtrack is great and the gameplay is decent but it really is more silly than scary this time around. The story wasn't bad and I did like the absence of the Army of Darkness story arc making him a little less confident. All in all not a bad game but not a whole lot of re-playability.

You're toast. No bones about it.

Evil Dead Games: Evil Dead: Fistful of Boomstick

Hey babies welcome back for Day 3 of Evil Dead Games. Yeah even if you drink the juice, say the magic words and get cast through the vortex you never know what's going to happen. 3 years after Hail to the King, Ash is in his cups having whatever Midnight Hobo or Maker's Mark he can get his hands on when apparently on the local news in Dearborn that a colleague of the late Professor Knowby has translated the Necronomicon. Dare we say, problems a plenty? This is Evil Dead: Fistful of Boomstick.

Hey Slappy, go take a shower and get a meal. Gamers.

From the makers of Tom and Jerry in Fists of Fury and The Powerpuff Girls: Chemical X-traction via N64, VIS Entertainment teams up with THQ to bring Bruce Campbell back into the horrors of a deadite world in Dearborn Michigan. Local TV station KLA2 (or Klaatu for you folks that loved The Day the Earth Stood Still and Army of Darkness) Professor Eldridge converses and explains to news anchor Trisha Pettywood the "real truth" behind the Necronomicon as he is a parapsychologist and now best-selling author describing the Necronomicon has a large amount of history but to say it brings forth demons and opens portals is sensational hooey mocking Ash's claims. Ash continues to drown his sorrows in a watering hole and the bartender (voiced by Steve Blum) points out the loss of Ash's girlfriend Jenny who died in a bus accident. Yup, this guy never seems to get to keep the girl period. Somehow Trisha got hold of Knowby's tape recorder and plays the incantation summoning the evil back into the world through multiple portals.

A little boomstick action later, Ash realizes he has to strap on his big boy boots, grab some weapons and stop the evil YET AGAIN and save the world...all for his minimum pay at S-Mart. 

Bleh, ass ahoy.

This game while gory, is more of an action theme hack and slash rather than the typical horror survival of the previous game and is still single-player. The controls are easier on the to roll with and was released for the Xbox and PlayStation 2.

With a three swipe chainsaw manuever you can spray the streets with the blood of the deadites and boomstick action is pretty feasible and yes I do like the over the shoulder blasting but overall the mechanics of the combats are too simplistic, the boss fights require a bit of strategy but not that challenging. Unlike Hail to the King, ammo is plentiful as is gas for the saw but that does make a bit of sense given you are in town rather than a remote location like the cabin and the surrounding areas.  

The respawn of the deadites is not as often as it was with Hail to the King but even that game didn't feel like they were as constant as many reviews would like you to believe. You find a spellbook that gives you are a fair degree of variety. Apparently you absorb the power, chi or energy of fallen baddies to power each spell with ranges from lightning, stunning large groups of enemies, increasing your strength to that of ten men and temporary possession of a deadite to use against their fellow rotting comrades. The spells do work better for solving puzzles rather than open combat.

The musical score by Stewart Clark is impressive, Bruce chucks out a few one-liners but the waiting or prodding one-liners were the better of the lot. The voice talents of names that I immediately recognized were Phil LaMarr, Rob Paulsen, Tom Kenny, Billy West, William Hootkins as the Professor and Debi Mae West as Trisha.

Overall, gameplay is fair but the levels seem way too easy and the story a bit short but if you are looking to lop arms, legs and heads off or just want a prime example of an action game than you are in luck.

Ew, squirted like a ketchup packet!

Evil Dead Games: Evil Dead: Hail to the King

Welcome back for Day 2 of Evil Dead Games and I am not gonna lie to you but that previous Commodore 64 game was frightfully dull after about 10 minutes. This next chapter in the video game foray however is complex, easily hung up on corners, boxes and even chairs. The pixelation is a bit rough on the eyes and the levels are difficult but I think we have a more entertaining round of boomstick and chainsaw fun. This is Evil Dead: Hail to the King

Ax MURDDEEEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

Developed by Heavy Iron Studios (Evil Dead: Hail to the King, Scooby-Doo! Night of 100 Frights, The Incredibles, WALL-E, Up and UFC Personal Trainer) and produced by THQ (Peter Pan and the Pirates, Red Faction, Red Faction: Armageddon, Company of Heroes 2 and Metro: Last Light) recounts 3 years after Army of Darkness' theatrical ending in that Ash swallowed the juice, said the magic words and ended up back in his own time to Dearborn Michigan. He is back to working retail at S-Mart and even lucks out meeting a girl from Housewares, Jenny. Racked with guilt and nightmares the two of them come to the conclusion that Ash simply needs to face his fears and go back to the cabin where it all started...cause that sounds sane. No sooner they are there that Ash's former hand plays Professor Knowby's recorder unleashing the evil back into the world, an unseen entity scoops up Jenny and Bad Ash from the mirror is off to do horrible things.

It's a fixer upper kinda house.

Ash of course is apprised in voice by Bruce Campbell. With pre-rendered backgrounds and those damn semi-fixed camera angles you feel a certain Resident Evil vibe, along with limited ammo for the boomstick as well as limited gas for your chainsaw. Standard d-pad or analog stick left and right to rotate the character then move the character back and forward for the d-pad up and down.

There are puzzles to be solved, deadites to slay and Hellbillies to contend with. Along with the usual bag of nasty to deal with, you also need healing packs from attacks, watch your ammo, health and gas reserves. With the typical tank motion movement, you have a few special attacks with the chainsaw and boomstick, there are other weapons to be found and improved on. A double-headed ax, Knowby's .45, rock salt for the boomstick, steel spikes for the .45 and a Winchester .30-30 modified with spikes as well do to more damaged to these dead punks and like Resident Evil a converter to make more healing and useful items.

The enemies are a bit out there. We have an assortment of what the hell with standard deadites, raised skeleton warriors, the undead hillbillies are called Hellbillies and a troop of boy scouts known as the Wolverine Scouts. So yes lots of Michigan references as well as Tennesee references. As time travel via portal in Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness, there are a few gags there as well. This is not insanely hard if you are a Resident Evil fan and understand how much time you have between respawns. Yeah it is a bit rough and the save features are identical but Ash gets 8 item slots so suck it Chris Redfield, with your crappy six.

Made for Dreamcast, Playstation and PC this is a dark horror survival first player game that has limited saves, fast paced in some areas while it lulls you into a false security and them boom...possessed boars coming at ya! Yup, bad piggies! Will Ash save the girl and the world?? Is he doomed to be the "Chosen One"? Will he speak the exact words??

HE WHO FALLS FROM THE SKY!!!

Evil Dead Games: The Evil Dead for Commodore 64

Welcome followers of sugar and the boomstick to Day 1 of Evil Dead Games. I had to do quite a bit of digging for our first game in question. From the British video game publisher and developers of 8-bit joy that is Palace Software (Cauldron, Cauldron II: The Pumpkin Strikes Back, The Sacred Armour of Antiriad, Barbarian: The Ultimate Warrior and Barbarian II: The Dungeon of Drax) comes a game that was linked to the UK's 8-bit personal computer known as the ZX Spectrum as well as the Commodore 64. This is The Evil Dead Commodore 64.

Terrifying graphics of doom!!!

Now there are many young readers that have no clue what these antiquated computer systems are. Well shush youngsters, and you may learn something. Commodore 64 was created in January 1932 by Commodore International which outsold the IBM PC and Apple at the time. That 64 stands for 64 kb of RAM and 20 kb of ROM and required 5.1 Floppy drives, dot matrix printers and a CIA 6526 joystick (2 of them usually came with) and it sold over 17 million units. Palace Software is the first officially-licensed publisher to tackle today's game in question and being it is based on then deemed a "Video Nasty" it became known as a "Computer Nasty" and did not have that wide a release in the states.

The game of course is low res 8-bit in the cabin for The Evil Dead took place in the film. You, the player get everyone's loveable, cheeseball goof Ash. Ash must close the cabin windows up in order to prevent monsters from entering the cabin. Yup, a bookcase against shutters keeps evil at bay. Who knew? You are also required to gank the monsters already in the cabin. As you defeat the monsters, there are a variety of weapons (shovels, shotguns and axes) to dispatch some accursed Evil Dead. As Ash's energy levels start to wain he can pick up new weapons in order to increase his energy in order to slap the baddies about. Ash has to get his mitts on The Book of the Dead and destroy it in order to send the evil back from hence it came from.

Must...get...shovel.

The controls are a bit jerky, this is a single-player adventure-survival horror game that honestly felt like you were slaying the monsters or just shooing them out of the cabin. The window shutters pop open over and over and over again. There are dangerous poisonous clouds??? It simply looked like dirt-infused gusts of wind but hey I didn't write or program the game. The emulator was easy enough to download as many of the few existing copies for the Commodore 64 are very scarse.

I hate to say this but this was fun for about 5 minutes and you know I love me some old school games but the repetition is daunting. The intro sounds like a cross between Castlevania and Legend of Zelda as you get this weird text scroll crawl across your screen telling you the being of the story... in case you missed the movie. Thankfully the tinny music does not continue when you start playing but it has all the hallmarks of the boops and bleeps of the day. Better luck next game I hope but again for its day it is a piece of cinema history.

Also keep in mind this is one of the few 8-bit games that was horror related like the Atari 2600 Halloween and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Now why don't those games get a reboot love huh?

Let's see what tomorrow has in store for me when we tackle the Playstation game Evil Dead: Hail to the King.

Guess he didn't like the porch swing anymore.

Evil Dead Games

Well folks, October is almost here. The time of Halloween, prepping for Trick or Treaters, ridiculous outfits on popular TV and Film themes and far too many of the "sexy or slutty" costumes favored by men and women alike. As the Walking Dead will make its seasonal comeback, there lies another story. A story that invokes demonic possession, ancient burial rites and incantations. A book that was never meant for the eyes of humanity. Liber mortuorum or the Book of the Dead. While fiction will simply refer to it as the Necronomicon and the poor sap that encountered it and its effects no less than three times. I speak of the character that launched actor boy Bruce Campbell into film and TV. Ashley "Ash" Williams. Many of you have seen the Evil Dead (1981), Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn and Army of Darkness.

You got guts!.. on my chainsaw.

30 years have past since this phenomenon swept the VHS generation by storm and it has created fan fics, comic books, merchandise ranging from action figures to T-shirts. Director Sam Raimi, Producer Rob Tapert and actor Bruce Campbell joked numerous times on saying, "We'll get back to Ash when we are old and grey." No truer words have been spoken since the boys are back courtesy of Starz. 10 episodes are slotted for viewing pleasure and it looks to be bloody, crazy and more than a few old man jokes aimed at Bruce by Sam no doubt. But did you know there are more than a handful of video games based on Evil Dead ranging as far back as 1984??

This week we look at the evolution of the movie that brought us laughter, grossed us out and made this franchise what it is through the games that were inspired by it. It may be piss poor graphics, maybe the stories will seem over the top or damn silly. We will soldier through it nevertheless.

So grab a boomstick, gas up your chainsaw and try to remember every single syllable dammit.

It's Evil Dead Games Week as we hail the king of deadite slaying.

What the hell is that??  That thing offscreen.

SG-1 Revisited: Space Race

Day 4 is upon us so let us embrace it for SG-1 Revisited as Carter to the SGC to speak with the alien Warrick from Forsaken asks for her help to win a race with the promise of access to an ion drive reactor. Warrick explains this race is for a contract for a large corporation. With the aid of Carter and his vessel Sebrus into the race. We are at Season 7 Episode 8. This is Space Race.

Hmm I see, you too like leathers.

With the race known as the Loop of Kon Garat hosted by the Tech Con Group. The race happens once a year as multiple people entered this for the chance at this contract. Carter brings a Naquadah generator as a major power supply to help with the race. Warrick (Alex Zahara of Riverworld, Gunless, Dead Rising 2, Dead Rising 2: Case West, Earth's Final Hours, Dead Rising 2: Off the Record, The House and Inhumans) offers Carter the chance to fly with him to monitor the generator and see how the ship performs. The creator of the Sebrus and Warrick's little brother Eamon (G.Patrick Currie of Cabin by the Lake, Cold Squad, Valentine, Dark Water, Stargate SG-1 and Percy Jack & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief) is pinning all their hopes and credits on Warrick's superior piloting skills.

This race is brought to you by Sparky Cola. A zap in a can.

The commentators explain each leg of the course and it feels like the Indie 500 or the Grand Prix in Monaco. Meanwhile Daniel, Teal'c and O'Neill are at the capital of the Hebridan/Serrakin representatives. Both species joined together to throw the Goa'uld off their world and managed to prosper and develop. Both species seem to have their collective attributions to their society but there has been a bit of tension between the cultures i.e. Bigotry, slights and in general strain in the society they have both spent so many lives and blood to rebuild.

The competition is fierce as beloved and expected to win is Hebridan pilot Muirios (Benjamin Ayres of Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Good Luck Chuck, Dan for Mayor, Saving Hope and American Riot) and great outlaw Golon Jarlath (Scott MacDonald of Red Faction II, The Lyon's Den, Straight Into Darkness, Star Trek: Enterprise, The West Wing and Carnivale) and young, rising up and comer Lael Montrose (Lindsay Maxwell of Stargate SG-1, Deep Evil, Dante's Cove, The Butterfly Effects 2, Decoys 2: Alien Seduction, Lost Boys: The Tribe and Hair of the Sasquatch) as the race is on, the Sebrus gets damaged by sun's coronasphere that disrupted their shields due to sabotage. Eamon and Teal'c noticed a diagnostic showing power diverted from the ship.

Eamon and Teal'c find out that Eamon's supervisor Del Tynan had accessed their personal computer. To find more evidence he and Teal'c go to Tech Con and as they look into Tynan's computer and find almost every ship in the race has been tampered with except Muirios's ship. Captured by Tynan, he tells Teal'C and Eamon that the Serrakin are destroying the human race by mix marrying and crossbreeding so he will make sure that the winner of the race will be a pure blood human to begin the first step toppling the Serrakin.

Can SG-1 can get to the bottom of this conspiracy? Will Teal'c and Eamon be blasted to atoms??

Ah where the rubber meets the road...or not really.

SG-1 Revisited: Fair Game

Day 3 of SG-1 Revisited starts off with a large gambit, a gambit for the planet and all the lives of the Earth. Sounds dangerous? Well how about not even being a big kid to speak at the table and just being the host. Yeah that could suck but when you lack a fleet of starships to do battle with your opponents it is understandable. Back to Season Three, Episode 3 for a bizarre chain of events to unfold. This is Fair Game.

Do you mind? I am on the throne.

Back in Cheyenne Mountain via Stargate Command, U.S. Secretary of Defense, Arthur Simms. Visits and gives a speech on behalf of the work they do defending not merely the country and its way of life but putting their lives on the line to defend our very planet. Applause all around as General Hammond tells all attending to be at attention in order to honor Captain Carter's promotion to Major. Colonel O' Neill removes Carter's...Captain insignia (You pervs, behave!) and replaces them with those of a Major before Hammond and O' Neill salute her. Jack of course is required to make a speech and he is never really good at the stirring speeches that don't involve kicking ass and taking names but he musters up his courage in front of crowds and then...is beamed out of the SGC and on to Thor's ship.

I sat on a tack!

Supreme Commander Thor of the Asgardian Empire (voiced by Michael Shanks) tells Jack of an impending conference the Goa'uld System Lords will parlay into rather than destroy Earth for their meddling in their territories. So Thor has offered Earth a membership to the Asgardian Protected Planets Treaty so the System Lords do not wish to face the Asgardian Fleet. Thor ports his way to the SGC and informs Hammond of the treaty terms that as Earth is the planet in question up for strike that it is only fair that the negotiations take place here. They will set the negotiations at SGC and O'Neill will represent all of Earth, per the Asgardians' wishes. of which he feels Daniel would be better suited doing but the Asgards think otherwise as he was the leader taking his teams into dangerous situations and coming out on top in spite of being a technologically inferior race.

Doctor Jackson proceeds give the historical lowdown on what Earth knows of legends and myths of the System Lords Cronus (Ron Halder of Antitrust, Stargate SG-1, Spider-Man Unlimited, Mobile Suit Gundam Seed, X-Men: Evolution, Kong: The Animated Series and Death Note) Yu-huang Shang Ti (Vince Crestejo of Level 9, Dark Angel, Cold Squad, Christmas Rush, Stargate SG-1 and Stargate: Continuum)said to have been the Dragon or one of China's greatest emperors and lastly the Indian god of death and destruction Nirrti (Jacqueline Samuda of Wolf Lake, Stargate SG-1, See Grace Fly, Wilder Days, Sub Zero and A Girl Like Me: The Gwen Araujo Story). All in all, a swell bunch to be at your back door. Will Thor be able to deal with the System Lords? Can Jack not say something that will get the planet blown to bits?

A few facts of this episode now.

This was deemed an exercise in using folks that had never before appeared on camera. Jacqueline Samuda was a story editor for the show and given a major role as a Systems Lord? The same can be said of Vince Crestejo who at best was a stuntman and double for more than a few lesser characters on SG-1 and now made also a Systems Lord. And the gambit paid off well. Just goes to show you, you can never predict who will make a good actor or not.

Jack, did you float an air biscuit?

SG-1 Revisited: Prodigy

Welcome back for Day 2 of SG-1 Revisited. We are still in Season 4 of SG-1 and I always found this particular episode represented the past and the future of Stargate Command better than most of them. Imagine a lecture on wormholes being delivered by Major Carter and one of her equations was wrong. A brilliant but ill-tempered as well as ill-mannered young cadet points out this flaw and Carter sees potential in this girl if she could only play by the same rules as everyone else. This is Prodigy.

I am soooo bored.

Air Force Cadet Jennifer Hailey (Elisabeth Rosen of My Mother's Ghost, Sanctuary, Bless the Child, House of the Dead, Lucky Stars and Comforting Skin) would be a great asset to the SGC and Carter needs her to see in spite of being gifted she needs to go through the training as everyone else in order to rank up and probably not break the nose of any upper-classmates again. Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c are off-world at a research facility on a moon M4C-862 with a gathering of scientists that have deemed O' Neill and Teal'c as an unnecessary venture on Stargate Command's thinking and they will simply just get underfoot. O'Neill and Teal'c proceed to do sweeps around the base to ensure safety.

Back Earthside, Carter finds out that most of the negative attitude that stems from Hailey is due to boredom and frustration with the course she is taking. Constantly being compared to Carter regardless how her high scores in every class she attends. To sever the chip on Hailey's shoulder, Carter gets permission to give Hailey a tour of the SGC but General Hammond feels otherwise as he does not feel she is officer material. Carter goes to bat for Hailey stating if she glimpses her potential future with the SGC that she will buckle down and excel as a officer and make Hammond proud.

These titles are a bit too close to my groin.

Back at the moon, Dr. Thompson (Hrothgar Mathews of Cold Squad, The Core, Tom Stone, The Wild Guys and Cable Beach) discovers an alien life form comprised of energy phases through solid matter and discharges energy. Thompson tells the other scientists that they need to capture one for the betterment of all mankind!!! Yeah that old chestnut never comes to bite us in the ass.

Both Dr. Lee (Bill Dow of The X-Files, Cold Squad, Stargate SG-1, Pasadena, Da Vinci's Inquest, Kyle XY and Stargate: Alantis) and O'Neill think this is a bad idea as the makeshift container is breached by the lifeform zapping Thompson over and over and over again until he is a microwaved meal. Ick.

Unaware of what is happening on M4C-862, Carter and Hailey go for a visit to be right dab smack into a crisis when Carter goes into action to assist O'Neill, Teal'c and the surviving scientists. Hailey and Carter are butting heads on who hypothesized the most likely scenario while lives are in the balance. Will SG-1 be able to remove the scientists off the moon? Is M4C-862 deemed less than safe for humanity?

A few points on the episode now.

This marks the first appearance of Bill Dow of X-Files as Dr. Bill Lee. As he is barely is able to keep from being killed he ends up stay for the rest of the series, the spin-offs and even the movies. Pretty snazzy, sir.

Guest star Michael E. Ryan is the actual The Chief of Staff of the United States Air Force which Richard Dean Anderson gets to ask, "Do you really have Air Force Colonels who act the way I do? General Ryan simply replied, "Yes and worse!" General Ryan served until retirement in 2001.

No, let's not shoot it.

SG-1 Revisited: Window of Opportunity

Howdy folks and welcome to Stargate SG-1 Revisited for Day 1. Our episode revolves around a geomagnetic storm caused by solar wind shock wave or a magnetic field with the Earth's magnetic field creating a temporal loop. Can the SG-1 team get back on track? This is Window of Opportunity.

Why Fruit Loops??

On a mission on, SG-1 works with an alien archaeologist Malikai (Robin Mossley of The Sports Pages, Elf, Two for the Money, Connors' War, Painkiller Jane and R.L. Stine's The Haunting Hour) and a series of ruins and a large altar device left by the Ancients and is working with Daniel Jackson to study the ruins and the device as well. Carter is measuring the solar radiation when the stargate opens up from the planet and Earth while a beam emits from the device and then... O'Neill is in the mess hall with Daniel being poignant and passionate but Jack was spacing off and eating.

They proceed to General Hammond are set to go to planet P4X-639 and both O'Neill and Teal'c claim to have previous knowledge of the mission. Dr. Fraiser does a check-up on both fellows and all is well. Before the Scooby gang can go to their mission an unscheduled off-world activation happens and... Jack is back to his breakfast and Daniel is waiting for Jack's response... Yes we looped again and again.

No, I do not want a rectal thermometer!

Daniel suggests that Jack and Teal'c loop again they need to go with him to his lab and help him translate it. After what clearly was a few weeks they are making headway but both Jack and Teal'c have lost track of the days. At some point it looks like madness is about to ensue but the guys take a few loops off. Get some games in, take a few pottery lessons, some juggling and even a few golf swings.

So with shenanigans galore plus the ongoing concern of will they ever get out of the loop, stop Malikai from activating it and God only knows how much damage this device is causing around the universe linked to an existing wormhole. What Daniel deciphers with Jack and Teal'cs help they find out the device in question is actually supposed to be a time machine... that is not a blue box or a DeLorean. Shame shame Ancients. Always go for something with a little style. According to the translation, the device was made and tested but found it could not prevent the outgoing plague it was meant to be overted so they gave up on it. Malikai insists he is close to perfecting it but there is a tiresome and exhausted expression on his face that says even he doesn't believe in his work anymore.

Will the SG-1 crew be able to stop Malikai? Are they doomed to rinse, lather and repeat? Is there no end to Jake's horrible jokes??

Some points of trivia now.

The fruit loops on Jack's spoon were glued in place to ensure continuity between time loops, hence not eating that spoonful of cereal. At almost every sci-fi and/or Stargate convention, Christopher Judge (Teal'c) claims that he hit the golf ball through the Stargate, Richard Dean Anderson could not, even after multiple takes and attempts. Finally a CGI ball was made to complete the scene.

This episode deals in good humor and dark seriousness. It is light and pithy one minute and grounded in drama the next and makes for what most SG fans as a great episode to start people on the series as it is one of the best episodes and I have to concur.

Still not sure why they keep calling me "Pretty Boy".

SG-1 Revisited

Welcome back to the week, folks. It has been a bit crazy with the whole Indiegogo campaign NOT really taking off and I am almost certain unless within the next 13 hours it will change that the funds we have earned will be refunded. Yippee... But enough grumbling about that and we focus on the week in question which consists of those planetary explorers, defenders and instigators from Stargate Command. That's right, SG-1. None have known more physical and mental pain than these folks. The Doctor hasn't seen that much torment...well okay probably he has but he'd rather not talk about it so just go peek in his diary.

A woman and a black guy???  What the Sam scratch is goin' on?

For the next few days we will find some fan favorite episodes, go through the Chappa'ai and experience more deafening explosions outside of some popular Trekkie shows. Over the years of interacting with SG-1 and Atlantis fans shows me there is no one answer to what episode is more popular then the other. For some, it is the guest star. For others it is the writing and every so often it is a body swap episode or alternative Earth Mirror Mirror effect.

With the need to scavenge the universe for advanced technology to appease the committees that fund the Stargate Command, along with gaining allies in the struggles against superior firepower, interstellar ships and older races that conquer and enslave lesser developed planets, the SG teams constantly have to weigh the pros and cons of helping others, get involved with their day-to-day events and even understand the cultures, social and political concerns. 

The safety word is "Apples"

I know, soooo wordy. Let's get to the real reason we are here. What do you deem is one of the best SG-1 episodes and why. I have compiled a handful of suggestions but feel free to write me back and let me know what episode moved you to laughter, tears or even both.

This is SG-1 Revisited Week.

Zombie Stew: The Bone Yard

Welcome one and all to another helping of Zombie Stew. Day 4 and I am not certain I can truly reference this as a zombie film when the film insinuates the creatures are ghouls but hell Romero tried to call his zombies ghouls as well. What do you get when you pair two mildly capable cops an overweight psychic and a few coroners? No, you do not make a flesh golem Voltron capable of seeing the dead and dispensing the law. You get the comedy/horror dealing with decent practical effects a monstrous dog beast and Phyllis Diller as you have never seen her before. This is The Boneyard.

A door?  Damn.  How do these things work again?

Our writer/director James Cummins (The Boneyard, Dark:30 and Harbinger)cut his teeth in film doing creature design and sculpting for mostly sci-fi and horror films and followed the call of writing and directing.

With the police stumped after a series of unprecedented homicides, Detective Callum (Ed Nelson of A Bucket of Blood, Peyton Place, Police Academy 3: Back in Training, Who Am I? And Runaway Jury) and doofus Detective Mullin (James Eustermann of Spaced Invaders, The Boneyard, Cast a Deadly Spell, Woody Burns...a Life and Words Unspoken) seek any assistance to figuring out this grusome series of murders even coaxing a portly, retired psychic Alley Oates (Deborah Rose of Fugitive Lovers, American Drive-In, Troop Beverly Hills, Ski Patrol and The Boneyard) to help find this mass murderer. Their first clue is no exposition reports on the radio about homicidal loonies escaping an asylum and stealing an ax or machete. Tough luck fellas, time to do some real legwork.

NBC's Fall Listing: My Three CHUDS.

With a taped interrogation of mortician Chen (Robert Yun Ju Ahn of The Boneyard) our dutiful detective and flailing physic attempting to decipher what the bloody hell is going on, more deaths are occurring and bodies are be shipped in to the coroner's office. Enter our wacky medical examiners Miss Poopinplatz and yes that is her actual character name and Mr. Shepard.

Poopinplatz (Phyllis Diller of The Red Skelton Hour, Love, American Style, The Sunshine Boys, Uncle Croc's Block, The Nutcracker Prince, Blossom, Animaniacs, Robot Chicken and Everything's Jake) is a crotchety older woman without her iconic wig and only has love for her darling poodle Floofsoms and... yeah that is actually about it. Her colleague Shepard a.k.a. Mr. Roper (Norman Fell of The End, Getting There, Three's Company, Dan August: The Jealousy Factor, Dan August: Once Is Never Enough, Dan August: Murder, My Friend, The Ropers and Beach House) with a pony tail???

Callum arrives with Oates and bumbling rookie Mullin in time for the craziness ensuing as the bodies re-animate and start attacking the living. The ghouls in question are actually possessed bodies by demons known as Kyonshi...really close to Kashi isn't it? Given how some of those cereals are WAY TOO fiber based I would rather the demons named Kashi to give me more incentive to bodily dismember them. So the fiber demons are tearing ass around the morgue attacking both the staff, cops and psychic (of which she did see that coming) and let's be fair, the practical effects for the ghouls is actually really good. Will our dwindling party survive the onslaught of undead kids, men and women alike? Will this shake them to the core and they will have to stop over-acting like Jeremy Irons in Dungeons and Dragons? And what of my spinach puffs in the oven as I write this?

Bit of trivia on the movie now.

Special effects were handled by Jim Henson alumni Tim Hawkins (The Jim Henson Hour, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze, The Boneyard and Muppets from Space) dealing with animatronic creature costumes and zombie effects.

Shot in a standard 35mm Spherical the film, lightning and general crew is professional in spite of the absurdity that is seen on screen. Our film was shot in five weeks with plenty of time left over to add an additional see of a wedding scene between Gordon and Dana that should have been the end of the flick but the scene was never added to the finished product.

Producers Richard F. Brophy (House, The Boneyard, Speak of the Devil, Dark:30 and Harbinger) and Phil Smoot (Alien Outlaw, Home of Angels, Above Suspicion, Night Class, Tara, The Gravedancers and Warbirds) talked about getting both Alice Cooper for not only the music but playing a part along with character actor veteran Clu Gulager for key roles but they declined.

Yeah the rock icon that starred in Monster Dog and Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare and the fellow that starred in Return of the Living Dead and all three of his son's Feast movies turned down The Bone Yard.

Bring your poo bags, FLUFFY GONNA CRAP DOUBLE TONIGHT!!

Zombie Stew: Cemetery Man

Howdy and welcome back to Zombie Stew for Day 3 of the madness. With a cemetery that is only watched by the gravedigger and the nightwatchman man there is more than enough activity to bring adventure and terror all in one sitting. With the risk of losing his job, the undead over running the living and in general, making his life hell, Francesco Dellamorte must handle these legion of flesh eaters with the assistance of his sidekick. This is Dellamore Dellamorte a.k.a. Cemetery Man.

Mmm nic stick!

Ever vigilant in the cemetery of Buffalora, a small village in the north of Italy seems to have a nasty penchant corpses rising out of their tombs so Dellamorte (Rupert Everett of Arthur the King, Duet for One, The Comfort of Strangers, Ready to Wear, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Shrek 2, Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Silk Stocking, Stardust and The Other Wife) has taken it upon himself as duties of nightwatchman man to deal with the undead and bury them again. Aiding him in his struggles of the nonliving is his mute sidekick Gnaghi (Francois Hadji-Lazaro of Cemetery Man, The City of Lost Children, Brotherhood of the Wolf and Dante 01) and live goes on dull as before...with roaming zombies. Some people seem to simply return after the seventh night of their death.

Well that will spoil the flesh eating.

Dellamorte is not exactly certain why this happens but he is simply just doing his job whether it is bashing brains in with a walloping shovel in the skull or simply putting a bullet in the head with homemade dum dum or hollow point bullets does the best. Dellamorte's only true friend is Marco (Anton Alexander of King David, EastEnders, Cemetery Man, Through the Eyes of Another, The Power of Three, The Novel and Romeo & Juliet) a clerk that explains how long the paperwork will take to file in order for Dellamorte to get an investigation going on why the cemetery is as it is. Easier to shoot them.

It's only a model.

At a funeral Dellamorte's heart skips a beat at the gorgeous young widow (Anna Falchi of Nel continente, L'affaire, The Dragon Ring, Celluloid, Paparazzi, Operazione Rosmarino, Bambini and Silent Night) of a rich and older man. Enchanted by her as spends every day replacing the flowers of her husband's grave they become interested in each other but will it take him away from his duties that he has sworn to do. Will the cemetery be closed down? Will Dellamorte ever have a life beyond the dead? Will Gnaghi ever overcome his shyness and have an astounding operatic singing voice?

A few points of interest on the film now.

All the zombies or Returners as Dellamorte calls them are practical effects and each and every one of them look unique and different. The characters and story hails from comic book writer/novelist Tiziano Sclavi (creator of Dylan Dog, Nero, Dellamore Dellamorte and Vittima degli eventi) and our director Michele Soavi (The Church, Stage Fright: Aquarius, The Goodbye Kiss, Political Target and Blood of the Losers) is protege of Dario Argento so you know his mind was warped at an early age.

With the copious amount of crane shots, POV, handheld and anamorphic lens coupled with its bizarre and wonderfully written content, I do recommend this for a different take on the zombie lore. Be advised, parental units there is a fair degree of nudity and sexual content as well so may want the little ones to vacate. 

Sheesh even the dead wanna see this girl nude.