Ten Minutes to Midnight

 Hey folks, welcome back to reading some rotten. This last year has been a rough patch. Reviewing films strictly from home and not a theater operational, putting jobs on hold and some outright terminated.  We can only hope to get through this pandemic.

And now away from that bit of morbid and on to what we are up to this day.  Today I have heard nothing but good things for your soon-to be reading pleasure.   A veteran Punk Rock DJ (Caroline Williams) dealing with being on the way out and her plucky replacement (Nicole Kang) being all sorts of bubbly, it's enough to break the spirits.  This is Ten Minutes to Midnight.

 

Terribly pleased or waiting to eat your soul? Who can say?

 

 

 

 

 

Shock jock Amy Marlowe (Caroline Williams of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, Stepfather II, Days of Thunder, Leprechaun 3, Halloween II, The Unleashed, Hatchet III, Blood Feast and Greenlight) has ruled the graveyard shift for some time, being more diva than DJ, she's has stepped on more than toes and rubbed people the wrong way. As if her mood wasn't foul enough, a storm is brewing out in the night, she's been attacked by a bat and feeling a bit weird.

Front desk/security drone, Ernie (Nicholas Tucci of Choose, You're Next, Chilling Visions: 5 Senses of Fear, Faults, Wolfenstein: The New Order, The Cobblestone Corridor, Daredevil, Person of Interest, Quantico and Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus) warns Not Stretch that if it was a bat bite, she could have rabies. He offers her a lift to the hospital but the roads are completely thrashed and she is too professional to miss a show.  Ernie has the awful job of informing Amy that "Bob" wants to see her in his office. Yeah being called to the mat is never a good sign before you punch in. 

 

Totally BFFs with Batwoman. For realzy.

 

 

 

 

 

Station Manager Bob does not have bitch tits (Yes, a Fight Club reference. I couldn't pass it up) but he certainly has something in his craw about Amy. He is also a skirt chaser with a bit of a belly and enough clout in the station to make or break a career. You know, a local base, but I suppose enough slander on a former employee might cause hell for any future prospects. Amy meets with a young, perky girl Sienna (Nicole Kang of You, The Social Ones, Swallow, Orange Is the New Black, Instinct, Acting for a Cause and Batwoman) plans on sitting in on Amy's show and all starry-eyed at what will be her new job.  Clearly Bob is hoping to plow her like the back 40 but hopefully Sienna doesn't fall for the casting couch.

Sound producer Aaron (Adam Weppler of Twelfth Night, The Cobblestone Corridor, Groove, Long Lost and Alien Warfare) is fully aware that Bob is being a horndog, agrees with Amy that Sienna is pretty much eye candy but she has some good range and pitch for vocals. I daresay kittens on not on Aaron's mind but a certain blonde cougar on the other hand, yeah boy has the hungry eyes for her.

Amy is already in a mood and decides she's gonna cut loose so callers beware when you "Ask Amy". After dropping enough "F-bombs" that would have made even comedian/pod-caster Joe Rogan a bit uncomfortable, Bob steps in the booth to chew some hinder. Amy responds with a savage series of retorts and ends up biting the hell out of Sienna's hand, growling and fleeing to the bathroom. She's hearing voices, hallucinating scenarios out of the norm and frankly kinda going a bit bat-shit crazy. 

 

I make this same face after Taco Bell.

 

 

 

 

 

Now it could have been linked to the bat bite oooooor...Sienna dropped acid earlier and it is floating in her bloodstream because Amy is tripping BALLS!!!   Convinced she is getting a bit "close" with Bob (Greg Balla of A Crime to Remember and Ten Minutes to Midnight) looking young and dapper but a bit of a sleazy attitude, is giving Amy the eye.   Yup little bit of make-out or DID IT REALLY HAPPEN??!!!

 

 This flick just jumps ten hellfire-imbued flaming sharks over Coppersnake Canyon and baffles the crap out of me, more so than that explanation did for you.  A veritable Behind the Looking Glass via Lewis Carrol vibe happening and it is bizarre.   To be shocked by a film is so damn uncanny any more; especially in Horror films this day and age. When we have so many existing tropes to lend a hand, so to see something with a small cast, a normal environment and watch it go off the rails is a rarity to behold.

Produced by Mainframe Pictures (The Cobblestone Corridor, Ghost Tour, Intermedium, She Came from the Woods, Long Lost and Weekenders), this movie embraces a myriad of vampire mythology, a woman's mind frame about aging, goals, friends, family and love all changing over time and how we see ourselves year after year. Between the two women, I cannot say who I enjoyed more, Caroline or Nicole. Both brought their ""A-Game" and both delivered. What I thought was going to be a hybrid of From Dusk 'Til Dawn meets Play Misty for Me turned out to be wildly entertaining, very bloody and just downright creepy. This is not a typical vampire flick, nor could I put this in a per-designated category as I normally can.

Director Erik Bloomquist (The Cobblestone Corridor, Ghost Tour, She Came from the Woods, Long Lost and Weekenders) spins a macabre tale of aging, feeling obsolete, craving youth and being young with dreams on the rise. With enough blood and gore to satisfy most horror fans but enough story to bring a wide array of viewers to stay in front of the screen; this movie delivers the goods. I was happily surprised and frankly, I am wanting it for my collection. Hell, I want the soundtrack too. 

 

Really? A Leatherface joke? Really?

Blood Feast

Hidey-ho readers of the Rotten! More than a few of you have requested Caroline Williams movies. I had no idea there were that many Stretch fans (Main female protagonist of Texas Chainsaw Massacre II for those not in on this response) but this is certainly not the worst request in the world. The worst would probably more Andreas Snaas films. Those are as soothing as a chainsaw enema. So howzabout a splatter comedy based on the 1963 exploitation classic of the same title? This is Blood Feast a.k.a. Feast of Flesh a.k.a. The Blood Feast a.k.a.Egyptian Blood Feast

Now sweetie, Daddy just exploring new avenues.

Normally my Spidey-senses are all a tingle with multiple titles but looking at the film's cast I felt better already.   Based on Hershell Gordon Lewis (Blood Feast, Scum of the Earth, Two Thousand Maniacs!, Monster a-Go Go, Something Weird, Blast-Off Girls, She-Devils on Wheels and How to Make a Doll) exploitation splatter flick, we follow the Ramses family transitioning from France (THEY CAME FROM FRANCE) where they chose to run an All-American diner. Business is flagging a bit, clearly a sign of the times and poor economy structure.

Fuad Ramses (Robert Rusler of Weird Science, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge, Sometimes They Come Back, Babylon 5, Wing Commander IV: The Price of Freedom, Mike Hammer, Private Eye, Cold Case, NCIS, 24, And Soul Searchers) has to bring home the bacon, he decides to forego proper sleep and takes a second job working night shift security at the prestigious museum of Egyptian culture. Throughout the nights of utter boredom and loneliness, Fuad is drawn to this stature of Ishtar. So drawn to this statue he starts seeing visions of this gorgeous goddess (Sadie Katz of Good Guys Finish Last, Hit List, House of Bad, Scorned, Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort, Grindsploitation, Unreported, The Night Shift, Bus Party to Hell and Meaning of Violence) makes demands of worship and sacrifice and Fuad falls under her spell.

Hehe, hard to stay in the lines!

When gives you lemons, you make lemonade. When life leaves you an ancient goddess that demands flesh and blood sacrifices, you make people steak?

Fuad proceeds to butcher people for the decree of Ishtar, and the meat and organs to the menu at the diner. Naturally this could be a difficult sale to his lovely wife, Louise (Caroline Williams of Almo Bay, Getting Even, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, Stepfather II, Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III, Days of Thunder, Flashfire, Leprechuan 3, The District, The Division, The Unleashed, Abolition, the Mentalist and Monsterpiece Theatre Volume 1) who is equally tired from back breaking work and sees this as a blessing. The doozy is breaking this particular level of messed up is giving their college aged daughter Penny (Sophia Monk of Monster!, The Mystery of Natalie Wood, London, Pool Guys, Date Movie, Click, Sex and Death 101, Entourage, Spring Breakdown, The Hills Run Red, Life Blood and Hard Breakers) in on the new family secret.

Dangerous and dishy.

This could be equally bad as Penny has been in a relationship with the Sheriff's officer, Fatih (Roland Freitag of Iron Wolf, Das Tagebuch der Grete Muller, #funnyFACE and Blood Feast) so I can only hope she can make with the deception. Faud starts getting screwy...well screwier when you dine on human flesh you have murdered and butchered yourself. Yeah go figure that eating people would make you a bit off. With bodies piling up and people disappearing, you would naturally assume the cops would start piecing this together but in true horror trope fashion, these guys couldn't distinguish their asses from holes in the ground. And yes because I get asked it almost every time I review horror (YES THERE IS TITTY!) so that has been answered. Sorry again, lady readers but I get this particular cliche more times that I would care to admit.

This normally tallies at 90 minutes, there is also the Blu-ray version at 96 minutes and the Director's Unrated Cut finishes at 98 minutes. And yes I saw the Unrated Cut because...well it was the one I clicked on.

To anyone with eyes, the remake is a love letter for the original. The elaborate sets, the slow drawn out story and going for a bit more gore than the 1968 version. Our cast is amazing with the material. I am not certain who I found more captivating: Robert Rusler's slip from working class schlep to a spiral into madness and devote follower of Ishtar or Caroline Williams' just accepting this insane course of actions to help the family business or the craving of flesh.

I am really confused why this film has gotten so much crap from IMDB readers and non-profit critics. The film has good suspense, decent build-up into the evil, dark humor and making the hairs on my neck stand up. Seriously guys and gals, why the hate? Hell for that matter the late great Herschell Gordon Lewis makes a cameo as Professor Lou Hershell.

Director Marcel Walz (Camp Corpses, Kadaver, Road Rip, Popular, Raw: The Curse of Grete Muller, Seed 2, La Petite Mort II, Raw 3: The Revelation of Grete Muller and Rootwood) plays up with an updated script lingo wise but kept the core of the story giving an macabre tale of family and struggling business. 

Meh, beats EBT.

Leprechaun 3

Hey gang! Hope everyone is having a decent St. Patty's Day. How do you celebrate it? Green beer, Haggis? A few rounds of the sweet science in the manly art of boxing? Enough corned beef and cabbage gas build up to clear bats from a coal mine? Or do you suffer one of the worse continuities in Horror history? Join me for Warwick Davis paying the bills. This is Leprechaun 3.

He's filling another pot right now.

Okay for those not on the up and up, the Leprechaun in Movie 1 (hey that rhymed!) was given a four leaved clover enema from Jennifer Aniston's former nose. Apparently the little bastard was as stable as nitroglycerine as he blew up the well his three foot five inch ass dropped into. Also his gold was a hundred coins. Movie 2, this leprechaun's gold consisted of jewelry, he lost his weird as Hell teleportation powers, now casts illusions and has voice mimicry and claims to be 2,000 years old versus the 600 year old from the first. Their half-assed conclusion to continuity? Um...different leprechaun but they all look alike? That is Species profiling dammit!! And now, onto our magnum opus part 3.

Stay off the moors!!  No wait.  You're all doomed!  DOOOOMED!

YET ANOTHER leprechaun apparently cursed into stone as (and I kid you not) a one-eyed, one-armed, one-legged man takes this grotesque statue in claiming it is a good luck charm but he is behind in his bills. Yeah, if the first film is anything to go by, you're a pawn shop dealer, you're gonna die in a ridiculous fashion. Seriously, the first guy died by pogo stick. Yup a dark and morbid tale only to be told around a bonfire as you are pickled.

Unlucky Pirate warns the pawnshop keeper in true Crazy Ralph fashion to not remove the medallion around the leprechaun's neck, so of course he does. Oh look another new form of warding off the leprechaun. Guess they are light on four leaf clovers in Nevada. The hideous seventies medallion causes much fear in the twerp but shopkeeper still gets pummeled to death with a shilleah. Again not a pogo stick, so upgrade?

Oh and movie, skip the eerie music scores. You're a Leprechaun sequel. Not a Hammer film.

Almost Jodie Foster...minus talent.

Don't worry! More gold inconsistencies here too. This little frosted, lucky bowl of donkey feces has Shillings in spite the face them having Charles III, King of Spain... wait. What? Doubloons yes, Schillings, no. Doubloons is Spanish gold. Schillings are English gold. Unless his armada set sail for the English channels, conquered the known British Isles and then had his goofy head stamped and molded on English gold, then it's a fricking Doubloon!!!!! DO YOUR HOMEWORK, DAMMIT!!!

Screw it. On to the star of our drama, Scott McCoy (John Gatins of Witchboard 2, Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings, Another Day in Paradise, Big Fat Liar, The Nines and Norbit) one of the pesky kids that dares upset a supernatural being. Young Scott is on his way to California to enroll in college but has a stop off in Vegas. I'm guessing the folks gave him some scratch or maybe Scotty boy saved some money. As he makes his way to the Lucky Shamrock Casino. Yeah, in case it slipped your mind, this is a Leprechaun movie.  Subtle as a hammer to the nut sack, movie.

Director Brian Trenchard-Smith (The Dragon Flies, Tyrannosaurus Azteca a.k.a. Aztec Rex, Artic Blast and Drive Hard) was...present when film was inserted into the cameras as this was being filmed. Lighting and sound crew are spot on. Writer David DuBos (Future Shock, Playback, Cradle of Lies, Seagulls and Bayou Tales) wrote...dialogue. Presumably. I mean I heard words and sentences that didn't sound like adult speech patterns but yeah he created this turkey.

I would also point out the Lucky Shamrock looks an awful lot like the Ambassador Hotel in L.A.and a bit like the Golden Nugget in Vegas. Hmm... See, I would have written it directly in the Nugget. Our prep is a gold fiend, he's in Vegas. Let's get him a week at the Bunny Ranch and about 50 large to hit the tables and wheels. Easy Peasy.

Scott is gobsmack over a magician's assistant, Tammy (Lee Armstrong of Classic Stories for Children, Leprechaun 3 and Magic Island) and the two of them hit it off almost immediately. I would also point out that neither feel as though they are overly burdened by schooling and I beg them NOT TO BREED.   Blocks of Concrete: The Movie. No there is absolutely no chemistry between these two and why would there be?  It's a Horror movie, were the antagonist needs teleportation or ridiculous children's toys to get him to and fro.  This isn't Vorhees who can take long strides over an entire lake filled with cabins.  Look, I am not expecting From Here to Eternity but the dialogue being spewed out is clunky, sounds like a guy that's never had a real relationship in his life and Tammy's isn't any better.  We get she's bitter on Vegas but at the same time her facial expressions doesn't underline it at all.

Tammy's boss Fazio (voice actor John DeMita of Vampire Hunter D, Princess Monoke, Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust, Black Mask and Jumper) is said talented magician and a total knob. Background!

Anyway, Willow bites Scotty boy and it starts to morph him. Yep more power inconsistencies. Transmogrifying him in to a new leprechaun and they shall enslave Vegas and rule ze world!!! Sure. Why the hell not. Sounds tons better than the actual reason. Hey maybe the leprechaun just wanted his own college boy via BDSM. It could happen. Scotty the gimp. Yeah I could believe that story. He probably will plow Tammy in front of gimpy just for added sadistic pleasures. Okay I made this flick creepier and in poor taste. You're welcome!

Eventually Scott and Tammy make their way into the pawn shop, discover the McGuffin and... you know? I don't care. This is slow paced, poorly thought out, a monster that attacks your ankles isn't scary and I was bored off my ass. Gore fans? The effects are decent but we have a body count of five. OooOoOOo!!!! Again not Michael Myers or Jason Vorhees height so I am amazed at the five count.

On further scrutiny, I discovered Caroline Williams (Stretch of Texas Chainsaw Massacre II,Models Inc., The Division, Zombie's Halloween II, Hatchet III, Sharknado 4: The 4^th Awakens and Blood Feast) and voice actor/character actor Argentinean marvel Marcelo Tubert (Lands of Lore III, Charmed, Batman Beyond, ER, The West Wing, Days of Our Lives and G.I. Joe: Retaliation) had bills to pay and this check cleared them.  Hey at least Marcelo and Caroline's scenes were funny.  I loved her "meh" attitude and she has a rather bizarre scene.  Spoilers, a death scene.

Who I would recommend this to? Gitmo for torturing information. Um parents with unruly children. Hospitals that need to clear the coma wing. College kids for a drinking game. Happy St. Patty's!!

Dare ya to lick it.