Tales of Frankenstein

And back again, my readers. On this windy Tuesday I was ask by Joe Williamson of The Williamson Management inquired if I would glance my peepers over another film and of course I am always up for something new. Today's film is brought to us by writer/actor/director Donald F. Glut (Spider-Man, Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends, Dinosaur Valley Girls, The Erotic Rites of Countess Dracula, The Mummy's Kiss: 2^nd Dynasty and Blood Scarab) tackling an old tale and bringing it to life if you will. This is Tales of Frankenstein.

Previously...on Old Timey Nip/Tuck.

We have a quadrilogy story line, based on Glut's short stories with a blend of Horror and Comedy. So each tale centers around descendants or former students of Victor Von Frankenstein. We open with a text crawl and a narrative setting the tone that there will be tales told.

Some of the cinematography shots are reminding me how a Hammer film would unfold, orchestral score, scenery pans and a dissolve into our character reveal shot.

The monster (Scott Fresina of Tales of Frankenstein) roams about in the abandoned castle, looking reminiscent of the Universal monster portrayed by Boris Karloff. I was particularly impressed with the portrait of Frankenstein by storyboard artist, Pete von Sholly (The Blob, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, Child's Play, Heathers, Swamp Thing, Puppet Master II and Drop Dead Fred). I imagine acrylic a tad easier than oil painting with a layer of cattle blood as thickner. Ugh, can you imagine how awful those paintings had to smell drying?

Our first story is "My Creation, My Beloved", establishing a yarn about deformed cousin of the ancient Victor Frankenstein, Gregore (Buddy Daniels Friedman of The Wizard of Speed and Time, Eddie Presley, Psychic Detectives, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Posers, The Mummy's Kiss and Ninja Cheerleaders). He strives using his ancestor's forbidden knowledge and his own genius to create the perfect man and woman. Ho boy, getting in Arim Zola territory there. Ze Germans! So naturally he must select prime specimens for his dastardly deeds in the name of science. After a successful brain kidnapping, Gregore encounters a drunk and a prostitute Helga (Lilian Lev of Blood Runs Thick, Shadow: Tale of an Assassin, Red to Black, African Mystique and Acceleration) which leads to two dead bodies. That being said, Gregore loses his chosen brain but gains a dead girl in spite of the circumstances. So glass half empty?

Gregore hits on the idea of transplanting for his co-correspondence pen pal and fellow doctor, Irma in order to be all the man she deserves. Maybe she is prejudice against humpbacks.

Enough of that macabre, let's check out the dance/music hall because...yum er um I mean several dancers in preparing for a class or a number when, the building is engulfed in flames! No appreciation for the arts. With a few nips here, a tuck there, everything should be fine.

This is a bad Tinder date.

The appearance of the Monster is almost as if he is telling these tales but more or less just grunting at the portrait. Which is a shame. I was all set to take notes on his five hour lecture of "Fire Bad."

Our next story is called "Crawler from the Grave", which I made too many filthy jokes to, so we will move on. With another descendant of Frankenstein hard at work dealing with plague victims and the fun to be had with those parts. Man name of Vincent (John Blyth Barrymore of Kung Fu, Full Moon High, Mansion of Blood, Dances with Werewolves, Mata Hari and Hollywood Boulevard) is having series of nightmares or possibly dark memories of the owners of a ring that seems to be passed to generation to generation. Hey at this point, why not premonitions?

Seeing faces left and right I recognize in this torrid tale, such as: Ann Robinson (War of the Worlds, Imitation of Life and Midnight Movie Massacre), Jerry Lacey (Dark Shadows, Play it Again, Sam, Blood Bath, Super Shark and Unwanted Guest), Tatiana DeKhtyar (Super Power Beat Down, Heroes with Issues, Six Feed Down Under, Dances with Werewolves, and Wolverine: Lost Chapters) Beverly Washburn (Star Trek, Pit Stop, The Manhunter, The Streets of San Francisco, White Paint and Unbelievable!!!!) and Len Wein (Creator of Wolverine, Sotrm, The Human Target comic character) Vincent is obsessed with fine jewels and none finer than Helmut Frankenstein's ruby ring. Helmut (Len Wein) is obsessed with alchemy and immortality following his ancestor's notes while his young bride Lenore (Tatiana DeKhtyar) bats her gold digging eyes at him in distraught as he turns blue (literal, not he is in a funk), gasps and drops dead. Helmut's wish was to be buried with the ring to further snub Vincent.

Losing his mind over the ring, Vincent proceeds to dig Helmut's grave to claim the prize but gets more than he bargained for.

Crazy Ralph?

Our next narrative called "Madhouse of Death" brings us an anecdote of Los Angeles with a hard boiled P.I. Jack Anvil (Jamisin Matthews of Raspberry & Lavender, The Wright Stuff, Will & Grace, FBI Guys, and Drift)hot on a case as he is toodling around in his car listening to a Frankenstein radio serial. The same old story, a dame done wrong, a palooka needing a pop in the puss and check to be cashed.  Dammit, gotta stop listening to Old Time Radio shows.

His car breaks down an old road, leaving him to hoof it before the business end of a rainstorm soaks him to the bone, he happens upon a eerie house that every horror fan would have screamed, "Don't go in there, ya moron!"   With a friendly meet n' greet with the house servant, Mogambo (T.J. Storm of Punisher: War Zone, Resident Evil 5, Star Trek, Avatar, Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds, Soulcalibur V, Dead Space 3 and Godzilla) Anvil is given the royal treatment from Dr. Mortality (Mel Novak of Game of Death, Truck Turner, The Ultimate Warrior, Capital Punishment, Vampire Assassin, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance and Syndicate Smasher).

Yeah the digs are real cushy, if you're Christopher Lee.

Our fourth and final fable is "Dr. Karnstein's Creation" Holy Crap it's Tom the Inn Keeper! Yes, I do occasionally have a Harry Potter reference, as Jim Tavare (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Rabbit Fever, Zombies and Assholes, Chuck, Californication, Walking in LA, Killjoy Goes to Hell and 15 North) tackles the role of a mad scientist creating his own monster in a vampire infested Transylvania. The Zombies were having fun. The tavern wenches were quite appealing. The year is 1957 and the copious amount of garlic and crosses on the wall are a bit off putting. Think the Slaughtered Lamb in An American Werewolf in London. Karnstein is having a titter tat with Carl (Justin Hoffmeister of San Andreas Quake, Break-Up Nightmare, Being Black Enough, Flight 666 and Trunk) a lad that dreams of going to America and getting away from the hills and tavern girls that keep shooting him down. Might behave less like a creeper and you just may have a chance, Carl. Now git in the house!

The good doctor is oddly enough also a prodgeniture of Frankenstein and his surname was altered to avoid the stigma of the family shame. In spite of this, Karnstein plans on using atomic energy to create his own creature but make him completely subservient to his will. Hey Carl, now would be a good time to vamoose!

Throughout the town there seems to be a common superstition that vampires roam the night and most of the townsfolk are in at night so a bit of grave robbing won't get interrupted.

Please excuse the screen captures as I was working with a screener. Yeah it can't be helped sometimes.

Yes there was minor nudity, fellas. I know how that is such a criteria for some of you. The violence is suiting and primarily it is all about the stories allowed to uncoiling. So yes, you do have to pay attention.

I would point out the warped sense of humor our writer has. A house of women of ill-repute called ghast haus, a wine from The Cask of Amontilado (famous short story of Edgar Allan Poe) and the grave of Lucy Westerna (Bram Stoker's Dracula) to name a few. Trust me, there are some good gags in there and Glut enjoys the classics. This has some good moments, great cast and some clever writing. The lingo for the P.I. Story and Vampire story really was handled well. I clearly need to partake in some more Donald F. Glut. Trust me, I didn't even cover half of the Easter Eggs of this flick so grab a copy, enjoy and find a few I missed.

Does he know I farted?

Rotten Reelz Reviews Video Review# 4: Jesse James meets Frankenstein's Daughter

A map, an alternative me and a ghost Shawn needing tending to.

Here's the review. Enjoy, kiddies!!!

Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter

And we are back! Welcome back to Rotten Reelz Reviews and... I have a ridiculous over the top film. Yeah you knew the first review of the year would be something just odd. This time around we are step into the duo genre of Horror Western. While this phenomenon has been a constant replenishing itself in the last 4 decades, this film is part of the first notion of introducing historical figures with fictional characters. Okay enough positive. Now let's get through this.

This is Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter.

First off the title is wrong. Yes Jesse James is the key character but he meets Frankenstein's Granddaughter. So yeah already right out of the gate and we got issues.

No, not a ten gallon hat, I'm just pleased to meet ya.

This film is part of a drive-in/marque double feature also directed by director/actor William Beaudine who did TV episodes of Naked City, The Green Hornet and dozens of Lassie episodes. Both features were shot in 8 days at the Corriganville Movie Ranch and you can honestly say, that was clearly shot in 8 days. Along with this opus came the Horror Western, Billy the Kid vs Dracula. Oh don't worry, we will have a video review coming soon all about that stink nugget.

Jesse James (John Lupton of Airport 1975, Julius Caesar, Red River, B.J. And the Bear, Miracle on Ice, Charlie's Angels, The Rockford Files) is the notorious Kansas City outlaw hiding out in Mexico avoiding the Marshal MacPhee (character actor Jim Davis of Big Jake, Time Tunnel, Dallas, The Day Time Ended, Comes a Horseman, Project U.F.O., Oregon Trail and The Choirboys). Brother Frank is, well he's not here. Maybe they went their separate ways, maybe he died from syphilis and maybe he atoned and became a priest. All those options would be theatrically sound and a decent flashback sequence but nope! Not this film.

Doll, my milkshake brings all the dead to the yard.

So the other oddity in this here one horse town is a European castle in Mexico. A tad out of place wouldn't you say? The castle is owned by a Frankenstine? Frodrick perhaps? No it is in fact granddaughter Maria Frankenstein (Narda Onyx of Wire Service, Broken Arrow, Steve Canyon, The Third Man, 77 Sunset Strip, Richard Diamond, Private Detective, North to Alaska and The Tall Man) who has taken up the family business. And by that, yes digging up corpses attempting to reanimate them. You lack Dr. West's formula!

Back to Jesse, who is not traveling alone as he has a huge slab of beef watching his back. Seriously this dude makes Jason Vorhees' Kane Hodder look small. Hank (not Hardware but Cal Bolder of Bonanza, One of Our Spies Is Missing, Daniel Boone, The Girl from U.N.C.L.E., Star Trek and Cimarron Strip) looks like he could wrestle a Kodak bear and the bear would tap out.

After a gunfight ensues and Jesse is the victor, Hank got injured and the villagers tell him of Lady Frankenstein (no not the Italian Softcore Porn/Horror) and how far her castle was. Given you could see this gaudy out of place castle quite easily I guess pointing to the matte painting wasn't really needed. Over a half hour into the movie and our leads finally meet up. That robbery subplot was vital I guess.

Maria is overwhelmed by these visitors and goes right to assisting Hank...with of course her own ideas in mind. Frankly I thought she was going to jump his bones from all the eye banging she was doing.

Me and Boomstick's getting hitched.  IT'S NOT WEIRD!!!

Will Hank be okay? Can Jesse stay above the law? Will Maria turn to outlaws into walking corpses?

Hey kids! Who wants a fun, film fact?! No one? Tough titty.

Bought and built by Stuntman Ray "Crash" Corrigan, this ranch has been the scenic background for movie and TV such as: Star Trek, Fort Apache, The Lone Ranger, The Robe and The Adventures of Rin Tin Tin. With a oak woodland providing terrain like caves,lakes, mountains and rock outcroppings. There is even a man made lake and waterfall giving a bunker with thick windows gives way to underwater shooting, allowing camera and crew to stay nice and dry.

Now thankfully we have an older man rather than the usual fresh faced twenty something portraying this bandit and well, his performance is better than this film deserves. No I do not think it rivals Robert Duvall in The Great Northfield Minnesota Raid nor do I feel it comes close to Bill Paxton's depiction in Frank and Jesse but at least we have a harden cat playing like a man on the run. Twitchy, on edge and sharp to dealing with trouble with his coffin nail driver. Or if you prefer, six shooter.

With the charming location, the deep woods and the quaint folksy environment, the stage is set but alas the film is too confusing for this to be deemed worthy of a Hammer productions or the Universal Studios Movie Monsters alumni. I took away from a professional creation in the allotted 8 days they shot it and with the quality it is a sound production but again just felt silly.

Damn, these castle orgies do go on all night.

Exploitation Encore: Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl

Heya folks! No this is not me starting up the next week, this is more "Hey Jake, you didn't post anything on Friday nor did you make it up to us Saturday. The hell, man??!!!" Well my ears ring and are bleeding from the cries of those I have wronged. Truth be told had a couple family days this weekend and felt I had more energy than I actually possessed. So today I sat down and gave the last of the week's film its due. I'm so glad I sat down to watch this gore fun fest of continuous screwy. No, why would I lie? So from FX artist/writer/director Yoshihiro Nishimura and director/screenwriter Naoyuki Tomomatsu (The Machine Girl, Tokyo Gore Police and Samurai Princess: Devil Princess) comes the goofy feel good comedy of 2009...oh wait I was watching this. This is Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl.

Alas poor Sho Kosugi, I knew his films well.

Yeah that was just a sentence I uttered. Based on the manga of same title from Shungicu Uchida (Shiirakansu Brains, Nami no Ma Ni Ma Ni, A Personal Affair, Kedarui Yoru ni and Omae no Kaa-chan Bitch!) is the tale of the typical high school crushing of a teenage girl named Monami (Yukie Kawamura of The Scissors Massacre, Hide and Go Kill 2, Hanaoni, Lost Crime, King Game,Virgin and Sister Game) who is smitten by a young boy Jyugon (Takumi Saito of The Total Number of 3000 Juvenile Delinquents, For Love's Sake, Boys on the Run, Someday at a Place in the Sun, The Brothers Karamazov, Specialist 2 and The Ninja War of Torakage) oh and did I mention Monami is a vampire? This is not gone unnoticed by Keiko (Eri Otoguro of Shinri, Shutter, Shaolin Girl, Overflowing and Kamen Rider Wizard in Magic Land) leader of the Lolitas, daughter of the vice-principal and claiming Jyugon as her own. Monami's blood is mixed with a chocolate making Jyugon a half-vampire now and the cat fight ensues.

Man, that girl has a serious overbite.

Meanwhile lower grade students are disappearing for horrific experimentation such as, a modern-day Frankenstein's monster if you will made by some saucy albeit psychotic nurses and a surgeon decked out like a kabuki performer. Yeah that was also a sentence I had to write and nope, can't say I feel right about it. Keiko confronts Monami a quick squabble happens and then Keiko makes quite the swan dive head first. Kabuki surgeon works his magic and brings Keiko back with fresh parts. The battle begins! Who will win Jyugon's heart? How is this school's faculty this dense? Why haven't the students explained all this to their parents for immediate transfer?

A quick couple of points for this film. This is not PC so you will see over exaggerated Ganguro (yeah that is girls in blackface, fashion and hair made into afros) girls, a gang made up of Lolitas(girls roaming about in Victorian and Edwardian apparel) and authority figures such as teachers and police waaaaay over the top. They make fun of the awkwardness of being a teenager, wrist cutting and how one's behavior will weigh in honor on family. Also the fast paced zooming and quick 360 pans were killing my head. Vampires can also manipulate blood and fashion it as melee weapons. Good to know. 85 minutes of crazy antics, warped sense of humor and just down right bizarre anime style live action.

Frankendolly!

Sci-Fi of 1950's Week: Frankenstein's Daughter

Welcome back for Sci-fi’s Week of the 1950’s and I thought let’s tap into a legacy that is Horror and a name that speaks of evil and twisted.  That would be none other than Frankenstein.   Yes thanks to Hollywood and its need to dragging Mary Shelly’s creation through more than its fair share of B-Movie ancestry these films have been put on the screen with their more than fair share of plot holes.  For example, how could an obsessed man mocking God’s work manage to have time to create offspring with a woman.  Surely the skibbling off in the middle of the night to animate the dead would be a turn off for most women but perhaps I am jumping the gun.  This is Frankenstein’s Daughter.

My God, he is still talking.

Elsu: Your father and grandfather never used a spoiler brain.

Oliver Frank: No. The way the female’s brain is conditioned to a man’s world.  Therefore it takes orders where the other ones didn’t.

Welcome to L.A. in 1958 as our movie begins a bushy eye browed creature with giant bucked teeth roams the streets at night just as Suzie (Sally Todd of The Unearthly, The Viking Women and the Sea Serpent, Dragnet, M Squad and G.I. Blues) returns from her date with boyfriend in tow and she shrills at the mere sight of this girl.  Open credits and cut to the next morning as Suzie’s friend Trudy (Sandra Knight of Thunder Road, Tales of Wells Fargo, Bourbon Street Beat, Tate, Surfside 6 and Tower of London) meet up for tennis of which Suzie gabs almost endlessly about this misshapen girl with her killer unibrow and terrifying teeth.   This tale brings about strange and garbled memories for Trudy as if she may have been this monster Suzie spoke of. 

Should a demented madman offer a lady a Tiparillo?

Enter Professor Morton (Felix Locher of Hell Ship Mutiny, Desert Hell, Thunder in the Sun, The Firebrand and California) who is attempting to devise a fountain of youth serum for men and his assistant Oliver Frank (Donald Murphy of Killer Leopard, Shack Out on 101, Lord Love a Duck and Swamp Girl) has a look of contempt for the elder man that would rival most serial killers.  This Frankenstein is the lowest of the low as he spikes Trudy’s drinks with the professor’s formula causing Trudy to metamorphosis into that Neolithic creature of earlier.  He somewhat convinces Suzie to go out on a date with him, tries a little park and necking of which she stomps out of the car.  Rather than apologizing for mixed signals he gets the idea of dropping into low gear and running her down.  Our suave fellow feels a female monster would be more docile and easier to control.  Clearly he needed to rent a copy of Species to point out how that was a bad concept.

Our Frankenstein is cruel, sexist and quite frankly unworthy of the family title yet gets to carry on as he does.   With cliché dialogue about man playing God, the monsters looking a bit on the gooey side and depictions of teenagers in the fifties this straight to the drive-in film is perfect for a bad movie crowd.  If you were looking for a dramatic and clever standing on this age old tale well keep on looking Jack cause nothing really redeeming here.

Gary Busey after the bike accident.

Hammer Features Week: The Curse of Frankstein

Greetings my fine cadre of readers welcome back to Day 4 of Hammer Features Week.  Again we will investigate the collection of Hammer Films to see they tapped into Mary Shelly’s finest creation.  So prep the kite with a key, prime the electrodes and throw the third switch.  This is The Curse of Frankenstein.

Whatever do you mean NO MORE COFFEE!!!

Baron Frankenstein: I’ve spoiled nobody, just robbed a few graves!

Our cinematic feature opens with Baron Victor Frankenstein (Peter Cushing of Horror of Dracula, The Blood Beast Terror, Carnage, The Vampire Lovers, Dr. Who and the Daleks, Twins of Evil, Star Wars and Shock Waves) awaits his execution for murder and he chooses to tell the story of his life to a priest (Alex Gallier of Flame and the Flesh, Million Dollar Manhunt, Thunder Over Tangier, The Revenge of Frankenstein and The Man Inside) hearing his final confession.

As a young lad Victor’s father passed on at an early age in his life leaving him the estate and title of Frankenstein.  While overwhelming a friend of the family Paul Krempe(Robert Urquhart of Battle Hell, Dunkirk, Armchair Theatre, Jango, The Plane Makers and The Pathfinders) assists Victor in his experimental endeavors as they bring a dog back from the dead.  So naturally the next step is a human, right?

Christopher Lee when he wakes in the morning.

Victor begins to fasten his own creation from scavenged remains of the dead and even so far as slaying a distinguished professor through what is perceived as an accidental death.  He is most successful in his creation but Krempe leaves disgusted with the manner Victor has acquired his creature (Christopher Lee of Horror of Dracula, The Devil’s Agent, Horror Castle, Castle of the Living Dead, Dracula A.D. 1972 and The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring).  Bad form to loot from the dead old boy and the two gents scuffle and damage the brain in its jar the creature is violent and psychotic.  They vow to lock it up for now but it inevitably escapes and crushes an old man in the woods.  Both Victor and Krempe hunt down the creature, shoot it and bury it the woods.  Yeah that won’t come and bite them in their ass.

Now I have just a few highlights of the movie if you will.    The original notion of the movie was to be done in black and white but Universal Studios raised a big stink and said it would ruin the classic Universal version with Boris Karloff so Hammer had to retune the script as well as shoot the film in Eastmancolour (the first European Technicolor 35mm Spherical).  Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing met professionally for the first time on the set of this film and developed a rapport and friendship until Cushing’s demise in 1994.    

Yes yes, I am vile and diabolical...but how is my port?

This of course is the first Frankenstein movie to be filmed in color setting precedence to this day.  Doctor Who alumni Patrick Troughton appeared in a cameo as a gravedigger and while the good fellow was credited to most of the early publicity material; his scenes were cut from the finished production.   I hear he egged the sets and flew off in the TARDIS before getting reprimanded.