Can I Kill You?

Howdy doodly doo, my readers! Yeah stole that from a talking toaster 3 million years in the future and deep space. And what of it? So the talented and lovely Tommie Vegas (Sorcerers, The Interrogation of Cheryl Cooper, Project M, Interstellar Civil War: Shadows of the Empire, Party Night and Another Evil Night) put out a few requests of some bloggers and reviewers to get off their cans and take a gander at her project. Okay she didn't say that, because she is an absolute sweetie. She did ask if I was interested on a project she was very proud to be a part of. A little bit of horror/thriller all wrapped up in some psychosis. This is Can I Kill You.

That look in her eyes. Brother get her some chocolate ASAP!

Writer/director Nicholas Grant (Within the Shadows, In the Dead of Night, Mr. Jiggles, Brit Kids of Vegas, Homecoming,The Val Chronicles, Orey and Dark 72) delves into the obsession of morbid curiosity. That itch that cannot be scratched, that longing notion that must one day be made reality. Clearly only something your best friend, your confidant would understand, yes?

Rachel (Crisann Smith of Social Girl, Can I Kill You?and Infidelity) is having one of those dull nights when nothing is good on TV, you've seen your DVD collection and you just finished that latest novel you bought. What to do to fill the time? Now if this was an adult entertainment film, she'd order pizza and have the pizza boy for dessert.

Dunno. May get killed. IDK.

Alas, that cannot be and she instead invites her friend Tammy(Arlette Yousif of Family Bond, Eros.Emmanuel and Me, The Concord Chronicles and Emmanuel and Me)over for to shoot the breeze and to hang out. As a straight male, I can only conclude they will be doing each others' hair and talking about boys. That is all put on hold when a gentle wrapping happens upon her apartment door. Hey kudos to Rachel for actually using her peephole instead of opening up the door to a potential chainsaw wielding maniac. No in fact, it is her friend Sandy (Tommie Vegas) popping by unannounced and plunks down on the sofa.

Sandy proceeds to hint to almost life changing event and Rachel doesn't quite get what Sandy is being so mysterious about, but she doesn't seem quite herself. Well...no new visible piercings, no new tattoo, no insanely expensive wardrobe. Yup I'm stumped too, folks.

With a light hearten snicker, Sandy tells how she just had the most fun ever. It was a fluke, a random encounter and she just went to it. Rachel starts getting creeped out and hey, who the hell wouldn't be disturbed?  Sandy so proud of her determination, she apparently took some snaps on her iPhone.   Not to nitpick there Sandy, but you know that gets uploaded to your account as well as your phone, right? Just thinking it may be difficult for any future defense attorney to get you out of the alligator pit you just dug.

OMG RACHEL!!!

Sandy simply wants to share her experience with Rachel.   Hey, if you can't talk to your closest friend about a brutal murder you committed and the need to reminisce, well then you may be a crappy friend. Shame on you, Rachel. Shame on you.

Coming to grips with her friend has murdered someone and talking about it like it was a rush, Rachel is trapped in her own home with a complete and utter psychopath. The only thing she can do is stall for time.  Maybe Sandy will get bored, head home for a shower and some Mint Chocolate Chip?  She can't exactly call the cops with Sandy being right there in the room.   Wha? Oh, I'm ordering a pizza and in no way, shape or form am calling the cops on you.   I'm sure that will go sail like a lead balloon.

Not sure what is more disturbing about this film. Rachel's ensuing terror or Sandy's near euphoric state after murder. Sandy has a glint in her eye that says, "I may have a taste for this and I'm only just getting started."

With next to no budget, this 15 minute thriller is giving a command performance with a limited cast, a sinister story and the vibe that this could happen.  Crisann gives such a conflicted execution.  Does she fear for her life?  Is her friend even remotely salvageable?   Did she want chicken or pasta for dinner?  It's almost as you can see the whirlwind of thoughts in her head and they're all happening at once.

Tommie is just so blase about her murder and living off the thrill of the kill that it is a genuinely creepy performance. When typically you'd look at that this girl and think, "Yeah we can chase her with an axe and she'll deliver a Jamie Lee Curtis scream." Now you have to wrap your head around and come to terms that with the proper script and her performance, she is far more versatile than we thought.

Honey, your couch is lumpy.

Anyone Home

Hey folks. Sorry for the lapsed writing. Long rounds of working and a few freelance gigs. We won't go into it. Instead I got a written review request of Rotten Reelz's old friend, Joe Williamson from the Williamson Management Co. Today's movie is a hybrid mystery thriller horror film. Already I am intrigued. As many of you know, I don't get garbage to view from this man. With first time director/writer Patrick Cunningham and starring Emmy and Golden Globe winner Kathy Baker and Nolly Hollywood winner Jasper Cole, this is Anyone Home? a.k.a. Model Home.

Yes happy pills are a bonus!

Again, I get another alternative titled film. Thankfully it isn't Bruno Mattei's Hell of the Living Dead and its 15 alternative titles.

Our movie opens with an infomercial describing a no rent or mortgage down place to live with slight eerie musical intro as we cut back and forth to title credits. This to me, says we are setting the tone and it promises to be all evil. What sounds like a Faustian pact, Brenda (Kathy Baker of Street Smart, Mister Frost, Edward Scissorhands, Picket Fences,Chicago Hope, Boston Public, Cold Mountain, Fathers and Sons, All the King's Men and Medium) is showing off the new potential home that Camila (Monique Gabriela Curnen of Lie to Me, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation The Mentalist, Dystopia, Hawaii Five-0, The Following and Matters of the Heart) signs on this contract to live her new home as a sort of caretaker position. Three houses are complete, street lights are there and the roads are finished. Several empty plots are to be found but overall a modern day ghost town. BRING THE KIDS!

Being a single mother to young Jaime (Luke Ganalon of Bless Me, Ultima, Grey's Anatomy, Shake It Up, Out of the Blue, King John and Doc McStuffins), I have to say Camila there's got to be a better place to start. I'm getting Poltergeist vibes off this cul-de-sac of a community. Not even kids around his age in this place, a lot of construction equipment, supplies and regions a kid will explore and probably end up hurting himself on or with. Jaime finds his remote control spider caught in an inhumane coyote or small game trap (yes sadly I know what they look like). Again all these tools, equipment and building supplies just screams mangled boy!

Leatherface's cousin, Ceramic Head.

Jaime finds he and his mother's clothes strewn on the ground when he was away, proving there is someone else around these premises. An ill omen, perhaps? Camila is still been knocked over of the sheer size of this house. That being said, I think the plumbing, electrical and foundation need checking. Also might want to see if any ancient Native American burial grounds have been disturbed, Satanic rites have happened and the odd human sacrifice or two. Again, just precautions.

That being said, the highway is a quick turn up and go back into the areas of strip malls, fast food and probably the near amounts of grocery stores, possibly a good vet hospital. You know these in-fills can be like. Camila has a pill regiment of an 80 year old woman, looks like some are anti-psychotics and given how "normal" people think of any medicine for depression to dementia she is trying to keep it under wraps.

Jaime is making sure she adheres to her pill intake and boy that can't be stressful. Camila clearly suffers from bi-polar mental issues as the flashbacks indicate and I think they portrayed it well.

With that, the night belongs to scumbags. They would look at an single mother and her impressionable young son as open season. Would it also be bad to point out they don't seem to so much as have a patrol car doing a drive-by to see the neighborhood?

Such isolation the lovely home wouldn't matter as there are no real neighbors about. Just open desert, vacant houses and too much silence.

Thank God for the craft store. The one refuge from pure unadulterated boredom. Ran by Mr( Jon Jon Briones of Moonlight, Sons of Anarchy, Proud American, Brown Soup Thing, Southland, The Mentalist, American Horror Story and Ratched) and Mrs Fan (Cici Lau of Torchwood, Whitney, Breaking In, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Mantervention, Love Arcadia and Fear the Walking Dead).

Enter Walker (Jasper Cole of Alien Nation, Friday the 13^th: The Series, Pride & Joy, Once and Again, What Should You Do?, Prom Queen and Nothing But the Truth), a guy living in an RV and looks as stable as nitroglycerine. He has also laid claim to several of Camila's personal effects. Surprised he isn't rubbing them all over himself.

I liked the premise, the pacing of the movie and the general vibe of the sinister element hidden in the shadows. Nothing is what it appears to be.

Monique's performance was nothing short of astonishing, the cinematography is impressive and this cast and crew had passion for this project.

This film gives a decent view into history of mental illness, what it is to be a single mother and how awful it is to recover from a recession. Proof if proof was needed, that there is no such thing as secure. Whether it is a job or a home, there will always be something or someone lurking out there if they really want to.

Oh Johnny Depp?  Mmm girl I have stories.

Moon of the Blood Beast

And we are back folks. I hope you all enjoyed Yoga Hosers. Maybe some of you went out and grabbed a copy. Who can say. So today I have a film review request from a familiar favorite of the blog, writer/director/editor Dustin Ferguson (Terror at Black Tree Forest, The Legacy of Boggy Creek, Escape to Black Tree Forest, Black Tree Forest III, Doll Killer, Die Sister, Die, Occult Holocaust, Gloved Murderess, Cheerleader Camp: To the Death, Shockumentary, Nemesis 5: The New Model and Robowoman) of SoCal Studios and produced by A Troma Team Release, courtesy of Lloyd Kaufman. The title I have been given to view smacks a little of 70s exploitation creature feature and by God I can do that. This is Moon of the Blood Beast.

That is not finger food. Bad demon! Bad!

You might recall my last review of Dustin's work, Grindsploitation 8: Grindhouse Drive-In, the various faux commercials and trailers, well I dare say our fellow has been busy with this flick and let's get into it, shall we? The vibe I am getting off this is Legend of Boggy Creek POV monster that has haunted the small town for generations.

We open with eerie music, muffled whispers or prayers and depictions of Baphomet, Lucifer and Satannish on cards, books and other such imagery. Yes I have read my fair share of religions and dealt with the Tarot Card New Age hippies. Hippies, man. They creep me out.

In the small coastal town of Riverside there is a legend. A legend of darkness when the moon is blood red, weird happenings occur. A pretty hitchhiker (Alana Evans of Horndogs Beach Party, Moon of the Blood Beast and Los Angeles Shark Attack) doesn't know of these legends as she makes her way across country and it's the little things you know that gives you a higher survival rate. Our hitchhiker is a budding photographer when something captures her instead.  Dammit!  I really wanted to see her hoist a shotgun, get some Bruce Campbell one liners in.  Well, maybe next time.

That's not how you tan. Bad Alana! Bad!

 Little disturbed the local Daily News got such a graphic picture for front page. Kids are reading this, dammit. Well alright no they aren't. Probably one with their smart phones. Deputy Sheriff Frank (D.T. Carney of Bigfoot's Wild Weekend, April Apocalypse, Trespass Into Terror, Generation Y and Garlic & Gunpowder) hangs a heavy head as he goes through the newspaper.

Thankfully he has sunny and lovely dispatcher Noel Johnson (Vida Ghaffari of Holy Terror, Scorpion Girl, Suspense, and Horndogs Beach Party, Nation's Fire, Robowoman and Suspense) for some advice, friendly attitude and a good cup of Joe. Well the crime scene was no boating accident! Because it was in the desert... nowhere near water... or a boat. Anyway, moving along.

After dealing with the crime scene, Frank runs into Gabe Smith who tells the Sheriff that the beast has returned. Sporting a S&W .45, Gabe (Mike Ferguson of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., American Violence, Training Day, A Crooked Somebody, Outlaw Origins, Brobot and ZombieCON) seems more of a proactive Crazy Ralph. This cat won't be wasting time speaking of death curses and how everyone is doomed. I think he's gonna let his lead do the talking. Good on you, fella.

You do not yell at Vida. Bad Sheriff! Bad!

A local jogger is doing right by his ticker. That is until his cardio gets kicked into overdrive with some drone and good hand held coming at him. Hmm, might want to claim mountain lion attacks, Sheriff. Of course that means Wildlife and Game will be tromping around there and become monster bait.

Three stoners are waking and baking already stoked to be camping from the crime scene. THE ONE that is ILLEGAL to be near! Damn potheads. Partaking of the spliff, stoner #1 (Ken May of Welcome to the Grindhaus, Tales of the Grave, Meathook Massacre 4 and Robowoman) actually stops and thinks his mortality could be on the line given no one has caught this killer. Heeeey...

Every 10 years under the Harvest Moon, the beast roams the land looking for sacrifices only to return to its ancient slumber afterwards. Mind you we are getting this probably fourth hand Chinese Whispers style. This cat was any more baked, he'd be a lasagna.

Our POV creature is making the rounds and by all that is Holy he doesn't seem to dig photographers, health nuts and hippies. That's close to 45% of Southern California, brah. What is your damage? Sheriff will have to be taking the Mayor Vaughn shark defense and fending off those pesky questions like: "Is it safe to be out at any hour? What are you doing to catch this killer? "

With two girls stranded nearby, they're out of gas. Oh no, now they'll have to make out. Right? Sorry only used to the hetro male answer for the out of gas with a girl.  On the outskirts of town, it's only a 2 mile walk. Beth (Julie Anne Prescott of Doomsday County, Dead End, Burn Notice, Hell's Kitty, No Strings 2: Playtme in Hell, House of Blood, and Meathook Massacre 4) and Becky( FX guru Alexys Paonessa (Electric Dreams, Black Lightning, Lucifer, Meathook Massacre: The Final Chapter and Moon of the Blood Beast) debate on the walk versus waiting for a good Samaritan. Finally the call of nature can no longer be avoided and neither is the culling.

That's not how we poop! Bad Hippie! Bad!

Wouldn't be a Ferguson film without seeing the lovely Dawna Lee Heising make an appearance.

Her son Clifford (Dustin Wonch of Runaway Nightmare and Moon of the Blood Beast) may end up missing dinner.

I started laughing when I realized that sneaky man snuck in clips of Track of the Moon Beast. Yeah I know this film and no I did not have to review it. Many moons ago, MST3K riffed on it as Johnny Longbow told us all went into his stew in the most monotone voice I have heard. "Corn, chicken, rice.." Poor Dawna has to sit through this flick. That's a trooper. Because as we all know, lunar meteorites are the cause of lizard man mutations. Back to the film.

Body count's stacking up like cord wood in a slasher film, Sheriff. You getting off your keister and tending to this or do we call in Chuck Norris? In less than two days, the kill count has managed double digits. Get the beast, Gabe! You got this!

Is the town damned? Does anyone have a spine to end this curse? What would having a local demon legend do for the tourist economy?

Well once again, the proof is there in front of you. You give Dustin some wiggle room, creative reins and he will deliver.  With some great POV camera work, cut screen kills we have an urban legend ground plan laid out and some good performances.  It has a real Jaws vibe to it, a dash of Grizzly meets Pumpkinhead.  A modern day folklore that seems to be scoffed at but the sinister undertone is there.  It's almost as if the town is aware of this happens every ten years whether they will admit it out loud or not. Frankly their negligence to warn travellers and the townsfolk makes the movie a lot more disturbing.

Nice to see Dustin's streak is only getting better. And hats off to FX woman Alexys Paonessa (Electric Dreams, Black Lightning, Lucifer, Meathook Massacre: The Final Chapter and Moon of the Blood Beast) as our creature does look ghastly.

I think this is cool. Bad Jake! Bad!

Overlord

Back again, girls and boys! It has come to my attention from some of the fans that older films aren't completely grabbing enthusiasm. That's fine. I can manage a few modern films for reviewing pleasure. I would point out of course, I am the one watching these flicks. The decree has been heard nonetheless and today I thought we would take a look at a Bad Robot Production. With JJ Abrams' production company footing the bill, what say we watch some Nazis getting their just due? This is Overlord.

No jagoffs, I'm not Kurt. That's my dad.

Directed by Julius Avery (Little Man, Solvent, The Tank, Son of a Gun and Overlord) We open with the sounds of news reels depicting the events to happen, footage of the fleets at the ready and the mission ready to go. At the cusp of D-Day, an American paratrooper squad is sent to destroy a German radio outpost when their plane is shot down before reaching their objective. With enough AA fire through the cab, the plane is roached and the men gotta hit the silk or be just as dead.

With five survivors of the crash, Sergeant Rensin (Bokeem Woodbine of The Rock, The Big Hit, The Breed, Sniper 2, Saving Grace, Southland, Riddick and Spider-Man: Homecoming) in command alongside his men; Pvt.Boyce (Jovan Adepo of Blood Relatives, NCIS: Los Angeles, The Leftovers, Fences, and Mother!), Demolitions expert,Corporal Ford (Wyatt Russell of Escape from L.A., Soldier, Cowboys & Aliens, This is 40, Love and Honor, 22 Jump Street and Everybody Wants Some!!), sniper Pvt.Tibbet (John Magaro of Crisis in Six Scenes, War Machine, Orange Is the New Black, Marshall, Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan, Overlord and The Umbrella Academy), plucky war photographer Pvt.Chase (Iain De Caestecker of 16 Yars of Alcohol, River City, Taggart, Lip Service, Ultimate Spider-Man, Not Another Happy Ending and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.) and Pvt.Dawson (Jacob Anderson of Injustice, Demons Never Die, Skins, Episodes, Comedown, Broadchurch and Game of Thrones).

How about a little fire, Scarecrow?!

Aside from being a little banged up, the team gear up and move out. Dawson finds a landmine, the hard way and well that's all she wrote. The rest of the team beat feet into a village and they encounter a young French woman name of Chloe (Mathilde Ollivier of Walking Home, The Misfortunes of Francois Jane and Overlord) who attends her little brother and aunt; the latter disfigured from some top secret experimentation via the SS.

Making the rounds on a routine check point, SS Haupsturmfuhrer Wafner (Pilou Asbaek of Lucy, Silent Heart, 1864, A War, Ben-Hur, The Great Wall,bGhost in the Shell and Game of Thrones) stops by to sexually harass Chloe with a fashion of practice. Boyce and Ford jack him up and hold him hostage for interrogation and boy is he a sour Kraut. Yup, the Ratzis are back into the supernatural and occult. Cue Wolfenstein music! With B.J. Blazkowicz and Dr. Jones unavailable for Nazi ass kicking, our team must venture this dangerous mission on their own.

Ze Master Race needs a makeover ASAP!

Making their way into the church itself and the smell of cooked bodies wafts the countryside. They say tower and it is a heavy portcullis (heavy grated gate), barbed wire, truck and foot traffic to the likes that would have sent Force 10 from Navarone fleeing into the night.

Deep in the catacombs, Boyce is witnessing first hand how the experiments are going on these poor Frenchmen and brother bring a bucket for yuck. Further exploration and he finds Rosenfeld (Dominic Applewhite of The King's Speech, The Inbetweeners, Watson & Oliver, Sightseers, Les Miserables, Disobedience and The Crown), fellow paratrooper and Boyce's buddy.

With only five men, a handful of explosives and a Frenchwoman, our troops got their work cut out for them.

A creepy serum (No Vita Rays for your Captain America fans) seems to have resurrection capabilities, enhancing strength and creating a denser skin properties. Yeah not gonna go wrong there.

Let me root for Jovan Adepo's Boyce. This kid's got chops. Plunging into a lake, doesn't panic, saws through the chute and gets air in no time. Hits dry land, immediately checks his .45 and starts looking for survivors. Grabs a rifle no longer having an owner, clears it and heads into the woods. I'm damn impressed for a kid barely out of boot camp.  Let's not forget that is paratrooper Airborne training though. Yeah for us civvies, he is Special Forces.  He has a true arc of being scared out of his mind but being there for his squad.

Ewww...juicy.

Wyatt Russell's Ford cares about the mission and his men. His own life doesn't even enter the equation. He can't help but give a damn about the villagers as well. If he was always a hard ass, he couldn't have ever lived with himself .

Now the big argument for the war buffs will be African Americans weren't integrated into making mixed paratroopers. The 555 (African American Paratroopers) never went over seas in spite of being combat ready. Blah blah blah.

The radio tower didn't have one piece of German electronics in it. I saw a Navy unit (USA) and I believe a British receiver. Okay it's a nitpick but dammit howzabout the prop guys hammer together a decent prop and light board. Just give the illusion. I'm not saying hit every TV and radio show up and down the coast but give the pretense is all.

I swear, somebody fart on this plane again, they going without a chute.

With this seemingly WWII flick gets violent, has a solid past, great cast and crew and is a definite popcorn movie. With a hybrid of horror/sci-fi and war time action, this gives a creepy and clever storyline. Yes we have seen the Nazis muck about with supernatural, science based zombies, werewolves and Cro-magnon sex camps. This is trying for something different and combining it with the impeding D-Day event just gives it more.

At the end of the day, this 109 minute flick has more ups than downs. You want to dissect it and play Devil's Advocate over every factual facet, that's for you.   Me?   I had fun but I really wished I hadn't eaten dinner during it.

Deathbed

Hey folks. Back again and hopefully dealing better with headaches. I thought we would look at some more Stuart Gordon (Re-animator, From Beyond, Castle Freak, Fortress) and the sheer bizarrity of today's movie. This time around he is producing the cinematic opus rather than writing and directing. The infamy based around the film, is based on the 1977 film Death Bed: The Bed That Eats but hopefully is better. This is Deathbed.

You fart one more time, Jerry.  I swear I'll slice it off.

The director helping our flick is one Danny Draven (I, Vampire, Horrorvision, Aliens Gone Wild, Hell Asylum, Cryptz, Dark Walker and Ghost Month) who can establish it can't rain all the time. No wait, that's Eric Draven. Apologies. Our film is in the setting of a red brick apartment with an amazing view of the Hollywood sign and ambient lighting.

Our young and naive couple Karen (Tanya Dempsey of Shrieker, Dead 7, Witchhouse 3: Demon Fire, The Coven, Demon's Kiss, Hell Asylum, Flash!, Guardian of the Realm and Timeline)and Jerry (Brave Matthews of Visions, Birth Rite, Cake: A Wedding Story, A Song for the Dead and Starf*cker) decide to check move in and all is well with them, their relationship and current abode until... dun dun dun! Karen hears screams, pleas for help coming out a nook or attic. Unlike typical horror characters, she actually calls for help but in the form of the landlord. Lady, 911.

Landlord/former Vietnam Vet Art (Joe Estevez of Terminal Exposure, Soultaker, Werewolf, Fatal Pursuit, Rollergator, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance and Fangs Vs.Spurs) pop the door to discover a vintage bed from the 1930s so naturally call "Dibs!" and so how that works. Naturally no woman is found, Art and Karen take it downstairs to clean it up and she wants to keep it. Um there was dried blood on the foot rest. Call me a prude but this thing doesn't look particularly safe.

Hellraiser remake or porn shoot?  You decide.

Jerry is at his photo shoot which given the amount of refracted light I think his client is Hustler. Recess light and natural lighting, dude. So Jerry gets back after a grueling few hours to Karen in her bra, thong and see through nightie. Hmm, pretty sure she has the evening planned. Holy God there were enough candles in there, lit to start a brush fire. It's a dry state, people. About an 8 minute sex scene that...kinda drags. Also really got tired of Jerry's albeit tone but very pale butt.

Karen starts having rape scenarios in her head, losing her mind as it were and her art projects of the bed are completely different from what she drew prior. So because of this Jerry and Karen agree she need therapy and some hypno-regression. Yup, Karen got bad touched as a child. What does this add to the story?   Not a damn thing.   Well thanks, movie.   Appreciate that.

Joe springs into action!!

Jerry was as sensitive as a sandpaper condom about Karen's repressed memory and we are treated to a girl with a pixie cut waiting to have Jerry. Well, the wife's away. I see nothing bad happening here.

Karen and Jerry both see the girl separate times and gasp! She's not alive and could possibly own the bed. Look, the original Deathbed: The Bed That Eats was not brilliant by any means but at least it was striving for a plot. Kinda. Somewhat. Okay not really but dammit it tried.

Karen goes to alert Art about her findings to found him somehow strangled to death with his tie. Annnd now your prints are all over the body, Karen. Smooth.

Our doofus duo decide it's time to leave but will they ever escape the bed's grasp?

Normally I try to give a fair shake and given how much I love Stuart Gordon's work I thought this production would be worth his time.   However, the pace is slow, there is not real action, the sex scenes are fairly vanilla and the acting comes off a bit wooden. With some decent FX, a few well timed jump scares and some gore for the climax, it isn't going to escape your attention that for the first hour NOTHING HAPPENS.

So if you need some tired horror tropes, a few cheap scares and splatter material, this is your movie. If you need characters, plot, a story arc or maybe even just motivation for the people being there, this very well may not be the film you're looking for.

Hopefully tomorrow I will have my interview with the very lovely and talented Christine Nguyen. Yeah branching out. I can't just watch schlock films for you all. That's what the YouTube channel is for.

Best Family Circus EVER!!!

Party Bus To Hell

How do all. I am back and got a film that has a weird controversy. Some claim it, a return to horror from the seventies, building up tension and fear. Others claim it, to be a full blown jiggly girl fest, pointless and a waste of time. The most common "critic" response is, "One star for the movie is too good for it or overrated." So you know what? I am going to give this flick a lookyloo, see what works and what doesn't and try to give it a fair assessment. This is Party Bus to Hell.

Oh God...who broccoli beefed in here?

First off, enough with the Tara Reid anorexic jokes. 1) Not particularly funny 2) Not remotely original 3) that woman is always active, so yes she has maintained her weight.

Now that is tended to, on with the show!!! Our movie opens with Darby,the hippy attired (Tara Reid of The Big Lebowski, American Pie, Van Wilder: Party Liason, Alone in the Dark, Scrubs, Incubus, Last Call and Sharknado) and this Slash/BeeGees hybrid are fleeing for their lives...or has the desert gone to their heads? Who knows??? With some quick snappy back and forth banter, not everything is...as it appears.

Director/writer Rolfe Kanefsky (You Only Live Until You Die, Sex Files: Alien Erotica, Tomorrow by Midnight, Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle Pie, Nightmare Man, Sorority Slaughterhouse and The Black Room) has clearly had to good film projects to the soft-core porn projects to the finding the decent capital raising projects. This is clearly his baby and Ms. Reid is backing it or found folk to back it.

Yes, Jeff Bridges constantly smells like sandalwood.

Cut to Lara Swit (Stefani Blake of Reverse, Vice Squad: NYC, Vice Squad: Las Vegas, Vice Squad: L.A., Vice Squad: Dallas and Vice Squad: Chicago), a girl gone hitchhiking that lucked out that her pervy driver started to put moves on her after they arrived in Vegas. Seriously, one wrong placed word and her ass could have been just left on the I-15, with no water, provisions or even sunscreen. A tour bus appears to be heading for The Burning Man event and Lara is kicking it around when Tour Bus driver, Joan (Sadie Katz of Hidden Treasures, House of Bad, Scorned, Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort, Grindsploitation, Blood Feast and Unreported) tells Lara it's all good in the hood and jump on board. No, she didn't say that verbatim.

With a bus load of twenty somethings looking to party, get high, drunk and laid, this seems like the bus for those very activities and all seems pretty bouncing. We've got a bluesy almost AC/DC, Steely Dan vibe with writer/singer David Rosen singing the title.

Alright, so the big complaint most folk are having, both male and female alike is topless scenes in under 5 minutes of viewing. Okay, clearly you haven't suffered a Jesus Franco's a minute and 12 fully nude scene and those are his soft-core films.

Hey Mummy! You're getting a bit close to Zombie Lake offenses!

Look, I get that its seems a bit odd these girls are taking clothes off left and right on a bus full of strangers... have you journeyed beyond your local Piggly Wiggly and/or Hardware Hank's?    Burning Man is Spring Break for those that feel like they are outcasts, nutters, cosplayers, costume designers and in general, a little kooky. Yeah topless is the least of your concern.

Looks a lot like Valley of Fire Nevada. It's about 60 miles Northeast of Las Vegas and is part of the Mojave Desert. This has been: Fun Film Facts with Jake!!!

With no bars for the smart phones (Yeah that gem never gets tiresome) and bus driver Joan AWOL, the party starts to think something is amiss.  But y'know...party and boobs!!!

Night collapsed rather than fell and it's the middle of the night still at least another 6 hours from the festival as "Joan" told the partiers she took a short cut to get good time. So unless you are a boy scout, brownie, have a compass, map or GPS...you're boned.

Next thing we know, nutters in black robes and cloaks appear and I am pretty sure they aren't AAA. Turns out those hiding on the bus are just in time for human sacrifice night at the Sizzler (Yes, that is an MST3K joke of yesteryear) so now we got a hooded goofball channeling Papa Jupiter via The Hills Have Eyes and a smidgen of The Devil's Rejects.

Behold, the terror that is...liturgical dance?

So options? Stay on the bus and remain on guard until we starve.   Get off the bus and go in a direction in the hopes you make it back to Vegas before dehydration or starve.   My personal favorite, stop bitching, work together and maybe get out alive.    Option #3.    It ain't even an option.

So this is perhaps a crazy cult or religious sect. Hell for all I know, they were on a bus to a maximum security wing to the whacko basket.   Point is there is a lot more of them, they're armed and completely bat shit crazy.   Hey, how about some main protagonist back story???  Nope.    You want to know, go watch the flick.

What did I take away from this? Tara was clearly having a blast, this crew was fun and it was nice to see girls kicking some serious ass alongside the guys.

This feels like a throwback to Jack Starrett's 1975 Race with the Devil, a touch of Don Sharp's The Death Wheelers a.k.a. Psychomania and filmed on that same damn stretch of road a certain Wes Craven, The Hills Have Eyes were captured.

Okay yes there is a fair degree of nudity. This is also a Horror movie. Planning on sitting down with Grandma and Grandpa for this one, were you? This is a direct product of trying to get more out of your exploitation film like in the late 60s to early 80s.    It's graphic, silly, cannibalistic and downright absurd.   That folks, is the whole point.

Sure hope my night doesn't get too crazy.

 

Holy Terror

Back in action, folks and boy this Horror flick has gone off the rails with this crazy train.

This film hails from director/writer/script supervisor Rich Mallery (Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance, Table Top, Sociopathia, Holy Terror and Darling Nikki) we have demons, the dead and more than a handful of folk I recognize. This is Holy Terror.

Whatever would you like to do, Tom?

Our film wastes no time as we have an exorcism interspersed with credit and title card. Father Murphy (Mel Novak of Game of Death, Black Belt Jones, An Eye for an Eye, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance, Syndicate Smasher and Nemesis 5: The New Model ) is attempting to eject a demon from his stolen vessel Hayley (Vida Ghaffari of The Mindy Project, The Catch, Facebook Live with Ford and Vida, Horndogs Beach Party, Hybristophilia and Abeyance).   When things don't go according to the good book, Father Murphy's faith was positively shattered.  With in the first three minutes!   That is setting a dark tone, my friends.

We cut to a quiet dinner with married couple, Molly (Kelly Lynn Reiter of The Hunger Games, My Crazy Ex, Sandy Wexler, The Z Virus, Bikini Car Wash Massacre and Dead De La Creme) and Tom (Jesse Hlubik of Jack and Jill, Down the Barrel, Drake and Josh Go Hollywood, General Hospital and All Cheerleaders Die) who seemed to be going through a rough patch in their marriage. Through a dream sequence, the power of flashback shows a small boy in the midst of memories.

With a bit of exposition, tastefully done I might add; we know that the wee bairn Joshua is no longer in the picture and both Molly and Tom are devastated. Thankfully they are not lashing out at each other in this time of depression.

With Tom off to work (which he starts breaking down and crying, trying to keep his crap together but an ocean sized wave of depression is slapping him down), Molly proceeds to do some chores around the house. She swears she saw something up the stairs but dismisses it easily enough. A loud thumping noise occurs and of course Molly goes to investigate. Molly sweetie, loud thumping is universal for call the cops. There may be a prowler looting. A knock at the door brings about Molly's little sister, Billie (Nicole Olson of Holy Terror).

Okay lady, you've had a bit to drink already.

Tom does not approve...mostly because Billie is apparently a thief and junkie. Molly defends her to deal with her own pain of loss. Billie needs to sleep better and nothing suggests like cocaine. Wait, what? Hmm, I can't throw stones. I usually have a cup of coffee to unwind at night. Mind you it's not a narcotic but eh. Billie has some sort of fit in the night with huge bruising on her leg. Must have been a "Big maaaan." With a worship of the porclean shrine, Billie and Molly have a heart to heart of anguish.

Molly's Aunt Janice (Lisa London of H.O.T.S., Sudden Impact, Dragnet, Savage Beach, Eight Days Carlo, Do You See Me and Darling Nikki) is a spiritualist/new age psychic/crystal hugger. She thinks there is a spirit in the house wanting to communicate with Molly and Tom. Got to say Tom is handling junkie sis and new age mysticism pretty well. You can see it is bubbling to the surface but he hasn't call the cops or gone for a gun. The man is grieving and is only being there for his wife for this.

So with a metronome (a device that produces audible clicks or sounds due to an interval that is set by the user) and a rotary phone(look up rotary phone yourself), the three attempt to reach the other side. Janice senses a entity that is definitely not Joshua. She's freaked because something is trying to get into the world. Something's wrong in the neighborhood...well an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on one's back would make me feel safer. Possibly some salt and iron as well. Cover all bases, man.

I...ate the last...pierogi. I'm so sorry.

Billie is roaming around in a little black dress and her behavior is downright predatory. Billie is just off her trolley as if someone or some thing is speaking through her. Janice contacts her friend Jacob (Scott Butler of Hollywood Hell, The Omegas, Edge, Wiener Dog Nationals, Zombie Night, and Defenders of Time) the young priest training under Father Murphy had lost his faith but must summon his courage to fight against the evil trapped in Billie. We still sure it's not a bad hop? Jacob tracks down nun Catherine (Kristine DeBell of The Great American Girl Robbery, Tag: The Assassination Game, 1313: Night of the Widow, The Great Halloween Puppy Adventure, A Talking Cat!?!, and 3 Wicked Witches) cannot up and join him to fend off the demon. She is bound by church rules as an exorcism is very taxing and highly dangerous to the host.

Can Father Jacob succeed were Father Murphy failed? Can good triumph over evil??

So what I am gathering from the IMDB user reviews, this is "An Exorcist knock off, too slow paced and crap performances". Yes this story is about possession, spirit manifestations and good vs evil, I grant you. Whereas Regan and her mother dealt with atheism and were still saved by a servant of God, Tom and Molly suffered the ultimate parents' nightmare losing their child and a demon tormenting those around them for its own malefic ends.

Okay fine. This is not a big budgeted horror film. We have a serious cast, some good performances, slow tension build up, great camera work and our musical score has left us with an creepy vibe. I think the biggest complaints is the girls in the film don't get naked. Wow, reaching deep there, fellas. So without the promise of nudity, there is no movie? More than half of these remarks aren't even critics. Just trolls with too much free time and not able to comport themselves with a bit of dignity.

So yes, if you like battles of good and evil on an uneven playing field, then come watch Holy Terror.

That could use some Lush facial scrub.