Eurozombie Week: Hell of the Living Dead

Hey there kiddies!  I bet you are hankering for what I am hankering for.  Well actually really could go for a roast beef, light on the lettuce on toasted rye with Dijon mustard so how about a bleak and depressing zombie film instead? Yes once more into the cinematic breach dear friends as we jump into the fairly warped psyche of Bruno Matte.  Who is that you may ask?  Well folks this director/writer is responsible for a lot of Italian Lackluster films, unofficial sequels and far too many Women in Prison films.   Sound fun yet?   Well strap yourselves in people it is about to get a whole lot worse.  This is Hell of the Living Dead.

Am I late for the Walking Dead audition? I wanted to meet Michonne.

Lt. Mike London: Spoilers have people in them.  We’d better go investigate.

From the bent mind of writer Claudio Fragasso (Guardian of Hell, Women’s Prison Massacre, Rats-Night of Terror, Strike Commando and Double Target) a frequent collaborator of director Bruno Matte (Guardian of Hell, Double Target, Zombi 3, Born to Fight, Cruel Jaws and Land of Death) features a story of a top secret chemical research station called  Hope Center 1.   The irony is not lost on these people as two technicians work on the chemical batter (might be Ooze from Turtles 2) when a freak accident occurs causing a massive chemical leak in the facility turning the entire staff and crew into flesh devouring zombies.   That is literally the first 8 minutes of this movie and yes we even get the cliché, “How dare we play God,” line tossed in for good measure.

Telling you Pierre, this jumpsuit is riding right up my Hardy Boys.

During the meanwhile, in a unnamed country in Europe a collection of terrorists know of the Hope Centers as a bio-weapons division the collective governments are keeping quiet and they demand they be closed down forever.  Before that can happen a scruffy four-man commando team led by Italian Ross Hagen…I mean Lt. Mike London (Jose Gras of Mad Foxes, Depravacion and Conquest), sneaks in, knives most of the terrorists then smokes the rest into chunky salsa.  Not quite a Rambo movie but dang they got pulped.

After that fine bit of slaughter our boys are flown out to New Guinea due to communication failing to receive or transmit from Hope Center 1 and of course our hapless commandos are on a need to know basis about the research center so the “terrorist act” story is all they have to go on.  

Our crew encounters a cameraman and reporter Lia Rousseau (Margit Newton of Hunter of the Apocalypse, The Final Executioner, The Adventures of Hercules II and Act of Revenge) and she has reports of villagers attacking people at random in savage behavior similar to cannibalism.  Nearly mutilated in the New Guinea jungle our team are forced to take a raft and what little munitions they have left to complete their mission and finally make their way to Hope Center 1.  Mind you at this time we have to wait for the commandos and reporter to catch up what we already know. 

Well folks what is there to say of this movie?  Decent gore gags with the zombie dispatching, the dubbing clearly got muddled in translation and yes guys there is some nudity for ya.  Most of the music had been lifted with no payment to the intelligent property owner Goblin or George Romero and most of it is straight off of Dawn of the Dead.  My recommendation for this film is an adult MST3K party and no the kids SHOULD NOT be allowed to watch it.

Porn shoot that goes horribly awry!

Vampire Week: Vampyres

Howdy all and welcome back for day 4 of Vampire Week.  Well so far we have seen some disappointments, few out and out monsters and some blatant attempts to keep men and women in their seats with erotic scenes…  So let’s get more of those!   Yes instead of the typical Italian horror exploitation we journey on to England in almost true Hammer form for our vamp smut.   So curb your appetite, dare not look in the basement and for crying out loud have a hammer and stake.   This is Vampyres.

Hey, that's not a slumber party!

Succulent and sinister, spoilers lure men to their doom!

Horror sexploitation director Jose Ramon Larraz (Deviation, The House That Vanished, Stigma, Madame Olga’s Pupils and Los ritos sexual del Diablo) brings us a tawdry tale of a lesbian vampire couple’s feeding frenzy throughout the English countryside.   Yeah the boys reading this review just perked up ladies.  Sorry about that but they are pigs.  The concept is simple enough for any man to follow.  The ladies lure horny, unsuspecting men to their country estate, feed and pleasure them, then drain other fluids from them as well.  Our lovely creatures of the night are Fran (Marianne Morris of Lovebox, The Over-Amorous Artist, No Strings and Queen Kong) and Miriam (1973 Playmate Anulka Dziubinska of Lisztomania, The Likely Lads, The New Avengers, The Tomorrow People and Bare Essence) a deadly duo that do not mind playing with their food before feeding.   

Blucher!!

These two fiendish femme fatales periodically wander out among the grounds hitchhiking looking for men to take home and proceed to dispense with them.   Then one day Miriam encounters a stranger of the name of Ted (Murray Brown of The Wars of the Roses, Bram Stoker’s Dracula, The Black Windmill, Shadows and The New Avengers) who Miriam does not drain completely but leaves him in a slight anemic state.  As he heads down the road he encounters a young married couple that treats his wounds and for some reason (HORNDOG WRITING) the wife becomes enamored with the house and the vampiric vixens as well.  

Couple most likely...to be beaten to death with clown hammers.

And now comes the part where I will delight and bore you with details of the flick.  This is the second Eurohorror vampire film that was modern age rather than a time period piece.  The first film is Dracula ’72 from Hammer Productions.  The House for the film is Oakley Court which has been used in several Hammer films as well as The Rocky Horror Picture Show.  Hmm lesbian vampire couple or Dr. Frank-N-furter could answer the door. 

   

The married couple needs to be cleansed with fire.  Yes a bit harsh but the husband constantly berates his wife and she is well a bit whiney and distracted easily by shiny objects. Due to the graphic violence and fairly steamy sex scenes of which are at least half of this movie you can surmise this is not one for the kiddies. 

Ahh, a toast to cleavage!

The plot is a bit weak, character development is not a big priority and several shots of the film is the sultry undead are roaming about in the day.  Granted they have these huge cloak and hoods but they are never wearing the hoods over themselves.  Could have been day for night shots but if that is the case then they were really bad.  Thank God we got plenty of bedroom action and some bathing scenes though.  

Oh yes and my personal favorite when looking for films online, it has about 7 alternative titles: Blood Hunger, Daughters of Dracula, Satan’s Daughters, Ossessione carnale, Vampyre Orgy, Vampyres: Daughters of Dracula and Vampires: Daughters of Darkness.  Suffice to say I had to use 5 of them just to find a copy.  Netflix was baffled.

Vampire Week

They aren't moody, obtuse nor do they twinkle.  Yes I speak of the daughters of darkness, the sons of the undead, the step-uncles twice removed of the damned.  I speak of the nosferatu a.k.a. vampire.  Yes I have covered more than a few flicks of this nature but by God we can run this concept YET again.  Enjoy and/or suffer.  :)