Witchcraft XI: Sisters in Blood

Welcome to the new week. Well it took some doing and perusing but I finally found a copy of a sequel several fans were asking me to find. For those that don't want to read YET ANOTHER horror sequel, well make some suggestions please. For everybody else, the wait is finally over. Yes the demand for more Stephanie Beaton is on and we will see how this goes. We are to embark on another Witchcraft film. This is Witchcraft XI: Sisters in Blood.

Satan demands you motorboat me.

As many of you will recall, Lucy Lutz (Stephanie Beaton of Wicthcraft IX: Bitter Flesh, Zombie Gang Bangers, Witchcraft X: Mistress of the Craft, Monster in My Car, Eyes of the Werewolf, Witchcraft XI: Sisters in Blood and A Passion) was in London and asked by Bureau 17 to join up along with Agent Celeste after the big vampire and Satanists showdown and...well I don't think that plot line is going to connect here.   But hey! Garner's back! Lutz's partner Garner (Mikul Robins of Teen Wolf, Frogtown II, Witchcraft IX: Bitter Flesh, Sexual Chemistry, Dark Secrets, My Haunted House and Opus of an Angel) are going to be busy busy as Will Spanner, Warlock and Lawyer Extraordinaire has returned!

Dayum, girl you lost...well any sex appeal.

 

Going on his fifth regeneration (yes that was a timelord reference) Will (James Servais of Scanner Cop, To the Ends of Time, Erotic Confessions, Madam Savant, V-World Matrix, Witchcraft XI: Sisters in Blood and Dog Story) is still with Kelly (Wendy Blair of The West Wing and Witchcraft XI: Sisters in Blood) and for some continuity issue, um they are still engaged. Yeah this engagement has been going on forsix years. Dude commit already.   Director/writer Ron Ford (The Mark of Dracula, Alien Agenda: Endangered Species. Riddled with Bullets, Deadly Tales, A Passion to Kill and Deadly Scavengers) brings us back to the roots of Witchcraft, meaning there are actually witches again and yes they will try to seduce Will to the dark side and...maybe we need something new. Our movie revolves around Kelly's sister (yup didn't know she had one either) and her college shenanigans. Probably mostly beer bongs, bisexuality and learning magic, because every college girl has the Willow from Buffy experience...if it is written by a horny, basement dwelling perv and not Joss Whedon.

So Kelly's sister Colleen (Miranda Odell of Sweet Evil 2: Sapphire and Witchcraft XI: Sisters in Blood) is absorbed in the Scottish play Macbeth. Her director looks like the master from Manos: The Hands of Fate and her co-stars Maria (Lauren Ian Richards of Witchcraft XI: Sisters in Blood) and Keri (Kathleen St. Lawrence of Witchcraft XI: Sisters in Blood) want to do spells in a graveyard with a grimoire. This is somehow good for the play. WHAT?!!! How is dabbling in the black arts and I assume blood magic going by the title going to prepare you for a role in Shakespeare?! So if this was Hamlet, would they have committed incest and killed their fathers to be with their mothers???!!! Is it bad to point out that the play is happening in a Catholic college?

Well at least it ain't vampires this time, Lutz.

So our dabblers are only going to raise three witch sisters from THE DEAD!!! Yup totally reasonable and clearly something that looks good on a college transcript. Says here you're a people person, you can do Spreadsheet and you raise the dead. You're hired!... somewhere else.

So if they conjure up these dead broads they can open a gateway to Hell. Again, Catholic girls are a bit scary. A further addendum, Colleen points out how she and Kelly had fire and brimstone sermons drummed in their heads for years and this is why Kelly rebelled, fell in love with a man foretold to lead all evil on the planet and is a master warlock and...wait a minute. Is this getting goofy? 

 Naturally our night foray into the dark arts requires the girls to be topless. Must be a key ingredient for black magic or possibly banking on T &A selling this flick. Naaaah, I'm clearly just jealous I don't write this well.  Maria is taken over by one of the sisters and gacks a moron teenage horndog so no loss there.

My polo shirt protects me from your sorcerous ways!

 Once again Satan gets typecast as the corrupter of youth and the spoilers of virgins. Oh and they are supposed to open a hell gate for Abaddon. Um isn't that the Angel of Death? I admit my CDC is a bit rusty but according to Hebrew texts, Abaddon is the Angel of the Abyss. Of course New Testament also establish Abaddon as another name for Jesus after the resurrection so I am all sorts of confused on this dogma.

Enough about boobs! Where's Lutz and Garner? Surely evil is afoot! Two of the college horndogs tell Lutz and Garner that they were ogling the topless trio and then Jay got killed. So our dynamic duo go to work. Also Garner is a sexist pig now.  Um character development I guess?  Seriously, Lutz looks like she is inches away from smoking this little piggy.  They happen to bump into Will and Kelly as they passed through the very same graveyard that is technically a CRIME SCENE and not taped off. Well I don't blame Lutz and Garner, probably lazy ass unis not doing their job.

Will states he doesn't sense any dark powers and he seems to be okay with magic again. Just need some consistency dude. And then he whips around to Kelly after our cops leave and tells her there are dark forces at play. Bro, that particular twosome are gonna be pissed you just lied to them. The hell brah? Will wants to get to Colleen before the coven has taken her over, released the demon Abaddon and open a hell gate. But don't worry, male readers. There's boobs. Yes that oh so important deciding factor YOU ALWAYS ask me about. Lady readers, well you know I didn't write, direct or film any of this. I can only apologize for boobs so many times.

Okay the creature effects, the wraith like witches is actually good. The energy beams from eyes however, yeah not so good. Glad to see Lutz and Garner back but still not a lot for them to do. Current Will is lacking in real charisma, the fights are kind of impressive and once again a coven or sect of warlocks is trying to turn him to the dark side. IT DOESN'T WORK!!! Will's left a trail of bodies of those that have tried and failed ultimately so stop trying to entice him. Between offers of booty, power and enough witchy orgy badness he can digest, Will has been loyal to Kelly through and through. Face it!   He's not going to lead your armies of darkness and shroud the world in endless night or whatever the script wants this time.

Stephanie's Lutz is a hard nosed bad ass cop again, guns blazing and getting into danger. I wonder how many shots fired forms they fill out each movie.  Garner is taking her lead and he is still questioning if magic is real??? DUDE!   You have fought satanists, vampires and now witnessing a demon coming up from out of the ground.   Even Scully is saying, "Duh dumbass."

So overall the acting is fair, the witches three are well topless for a lot of it. Sex scenes fly by quickly and the sound quality was a vast improvement over ten. Will is constantly being tempted to his darker nature. Shouldn't one of these sect leaders just invite him for tea and open a dialogue instead of throwing magic floozies at him all the time? Not the greatest follow-up but I was glad that Garner and Will managed to make it back in and no vampires this time.

Oh you didn't just say that to Garner, Will!

Anime Absurdity: Rosario + Vampire

Welcome back to the week! Again sorry for the lay over to Sunday but I only possess so much energy...and migraines are a bitch. Moving on, we are taking a look at some of the more popular animes of the last 10 years. Thankfully I have narrowed down some titles thanks to some of my Anime friends and it was most appreciated. Today we look at school life as a teenager but with the difference being I think the student body may be a bit more than expected. This is Rosario + Vampire.

So, has Oz changed much Jack Pumpkinhead?

Average student Tsukune has failed entry exams for almost every school in Japan. When it looks like Tsukune will have to be home taught, his father finds a flyer on their doorstep for the Youkai Academy. For the rest of the round eyes confused on this word, Youkai (Japanese folklore of monsters, spirits and demons) so a world of wonder and utter madness await our unsuspecting lad. Now often the manga and the anime with diverge into different presentations of the story but in this case they show more of the root of their being but there is not a lot of indept examination of the characters themselves. Crossing from home and through a tunnel of the bright sun shining day, is a realm of lava moats, castles and darkness. Ahh King Bowser is at work! Ominous crows and a dark woodland forest path later, the foolish lad sallies forth into this disturbing castle. At no point does the brain, instinct or every good ole' fashion fear kicking warning him. Admiral Ackbar nowhere to be found screaming, "It's a trap!" so the boy is left to his own devices.

Cue jingle sound and twinkly lights.

Concerned for his well-being Tsukune is attempting to skip out of school and run for the hills (Cue Iron Maiden) until he run smack dab into Moka Akashiya, the most loveliest girl his lids ever have to clap eyes on. The naive but good natured teen seems smitten by her and proceeds to hang out with her when he realizes there is something different about her...oh yes it could be her fangs.

Many a comedic moment in this series offering up monsters galore both male and female and because of Tsukune's good nature, the girls seem to gravitate to him. Maybe it is innocent blood, his heart will make a wonderful sacrifice to a dark deity and the like but he needs to fight them off with a crucifix and a stick. Apparently the boy's pheromone signature drives the girls crackers as he is actively pursued by a succubus, a witch and an ice creature. And before you menfolk ask, yes there is booby, upskirt jokes and many a time of them running around in their bra and panties. So glad we got that all cleared up.

With a great animation, wonderful music and voice work being top notch it is not too difficult to figure out what drew most folks to the series. The monsters vary in multiple folklore as we have lizard men, a fiery fox creature, mermaids, werewolves all with hair colors in their humanoid forms ranging in colors of the rainbow to only ones I have seen in yarn. Moka's flashbacks about Human scholastic are a bit on the vague, I was hoping to see a goofy mob of pitchforks and torches but alas none came to pass. I do love the talking bats that announce they're talking bats. Yup a momentary distraction from the action scenes, love scenes or general chaos. 

Yikes, he's got that Legend of the Overfiend look in his eye.