Valentine Week: My Bloody Valentine 3D

Greetings to Valentine Week and I thought I would start the cheese right with the foul taint of a remake. Yes as if the 80’s didn’t produce enough regurgitated slasher nonsense we clearly need to re-imagine that.  So call your incompetent law enforcement, run up the stairs when you should go out the door and lock yourself in a closet.  This is My Bloody Valentine 3D.

Yo Sammy, you down here?!

SPOILER CAVE-IN!

Oh we could be in a world of excitement or utter hurt.  Director (Patrick Lussier of Dracula 2000, Dracula II: Ascension and White Noise 2: The Light) drives us down nostalgia lane with no seat belts and doing 30 miles over the limit.  With the assistance of writer (Todd Farmer of Jason X, The Messengers, and Drive Angry) I feel as though we are in suspect hands for our movie viewing.  Ten years ago in the mining town of Harmony, a drilling accident caused the mine to collapse and six miners were buried alive.  After 6 days of digging the rescue team found only one man, Harry Warden   (Richard John Walters of Smart People, Neverland and Art Thief Musical) alive but in a coma, and the other miners skewered by his pickax.  The conclusion was that Harry did them in to save the oxygen for himself.  The son of the mine owner Tom Hanniger (Jensen Ackles of Supernatural, Smallville, Devour and Batman: Under the Red Hood) failed to vent the methane out of the mine and blames himself for the happenings of that accident.  

Luke, join me and rule these mines as father and son...

One year into his coma Harry awakens, starts making a mess with the hospital staff Jason Vorhees style and heads back to the mine.  I guess it is his Crystal Lake.   A gathering of teens are having a party in the mine are attacked by Harry and panic ensues as the teens flee while Tom arrives late.  Injured and looking as though his life is about to end, Tom heads back into the mine to evade Warden only to see Harry shot down by the town sheriff.  For the teens ten years have came and went.  Tom Hanniger returns to lay his father to rest and sell his family’s mine in the hopes to lay some ghost to rest.  His former girlfriend Sarah (Jaime King of Sin City, Pearl Harbor, The Spirit and White Chicks) is married and has a grocery store while her husband Axel (Kerr Smith of The Forsaken,Dawson’s Creek and Final Destination) is the town sheriff and the townies are trying to meek out a life as best as they can.   Okay, off topic this town is white.  I mean Clarinda Iowa white.  Devoid of people of color, coordination and dance moves white. 

We now return you to our scheduled write up.   When last we left off the town of Harmony was a downer and suddenly murders occur within days of Tom’s return.    As Tom and his mine manager Red (Jeff Hochendoner of I Am Number Four and Unstoppable) are jumped by Warden, Tom is forced into a cage and Red meets his fate at the hands of a pickax.  Former friends of Tom show the common denominator and Hanniger is looking guilty.  Will Tom be able to prove his innocence?  Will the town care about justice?  Who is the muffin man?  What is the mystery of the Yeti?

A combination of 35mm Spherical and D-cinema was use to blend this footage together and yes gore fans this is messy.  A lot of gags were thrown in for this that blood is caking the floors and walls.  Lot of torso and limb attacks so yes that is making a mess.  Overall regardless what I thought of the cast, I found the plot to be lacking, the characters underdeveloped and my time wasted.  The original was just as equally campy so don’t feel as though I am hoisting it aloft to the gods as a tribute.

Boy, Debbie sure can shovel it in...*slaps self for bad pun*

Valentine Week

Hiya campers!  I have returned after the FUBAR that was my computer issue of which is both good and bad news.  Good news is I was able to re-cable my old computer back to working order.  Yeah I know, how did I have an issue with that?  Well truth is, I have not done any computer work and upgrades in 12 years so behind the curve and forgot a fair amount on the internal dynamics that is a computer tower.
Bad news I kept screwing up my cabling in my new tower so I had to ask my Dad to do it.  Yeah I felt like Franklin Richards playing with one of Reed's new inventions, got busted and he had to bail me out. ( Fantastic Four reference so read some comics, people)  Turns out I just misunderstood a connection I should have been doing and Dad got it up and running no sweat.  Apparently it needs a new hard drive though.  Damn, Dad was raised in the right age to work tools better than I.

HONEY, WE JUST NEED SOME COUNCILING!!!

But enough of all that jibber jabber, you folks have Valentine's day around the corner.  A time when some men are convinced lingerie and chocolates make up for you being a total knob around the rest of the year.  It doesn't, fellas.    This overly commercialized holiday makes single men and women feel like they are worth less than nothing if they haven't received a card or some much as an e-mail and I will not stand for it.  So this week we will focus relationships that have gone south.  No, no romantic comedies and see whether or not they will iron out their wacky indiffernces.  I was thinking more a horror themed Valentines so grab your comfort food, lock the doors from impending psychos and grab at least one sharp utensil in case they burst through the door.

"HERE'S JACK!!!" CUT! Dammit Jack, It's Johnny.

Computer Snafu

Well folks due to an oversight on my part, my computer is down for a spell. Need either an IDE cable adaptor or a SATA hard drive and DVD SATA unit to connect to my comp.  Working on both concepts now.  Sorry for the reading discontinuation. Writing this on my Droid.

PC Games I am Playing Week: Hitman: Blood Money

Welcome back for Day 4 of PC Games I am Playing Week and thought we would go with something a bit darker than we have previously been.  Imagine a world where assassins are created to do the dirty deed with extreme prejudice, a world that molds and sculpts ordinary men and women into effective killing machines that know stealth, hand-to-hand, melee and firearms.   This bizarre FPS/action adventure by  IO Interactive and allows the game to go from first person view and third person, free range with tactics, weapons and funds used to complete a contract.  The man known only as 47 is been used as a fluid assassin through his handler Diana Burnwood but only after he broke out of an asylum.  Comforting he is not but he is your character for destruction.  This is Hitman: Blood Money.

Hmm, I have mixed feelings on the killing of a clown.

Alexander Leland Cayne: The name “Agent 47” is just a whisper on the lips of the dead… because if he comes calling for you…you will never even know…until it’s too late.  Then, like a spoiler, he’ll disappear.  A phantom. A legend. 

Released in November 19, 2000 the Hitman series began with explanation of a secret cloning experiment that created malicious and cold men and women as assassins with almost flawless records.  The project had ended thanks to the man known only as 47.   Today we talk about the fourth of the six part series known as Hitman: Blood Money (2006).

47 is been placed in high demand with his exceptional kill record that the morally corrupt elitists and those born in wealth find him to be a useful tool every time.  Now not unlike its predecessors the obstacles and boundaries of each mission stacks the deck against you and you have to think on your feet, pre-plan your escape routes and weapons needed for the gigs.  Rending non-combatants unconscious must be done from the shadows with all the surveillance cameras in high end areas.  Body disposal decisions must be made on the fly.  Can you drop it down a sewer grate or toss him in a dumpster?  The lower key you are, the greater rewards you get.   Also you will get deductions from the contract if you have made a spectacle of yourself.  Remember this is not Grand Theft Auto 9000 but an elegant and effective killer than does not want to draw attention to himself or his clients. 

Next contract.

Your environment has more improvised weapon availability such as NPC bullet shield.  That’s right you can use a defenseless person to soak up rounds coming out at you.   Kitchen knives were a touch I liked as he could use them as throwing weapons or a simple device to slit a throat.  Nail guns, screwdrivers even a sword cane.  Non-conventional weapons for a change.   My personal favorite was tampering with a cooking grill’s propane line.  Got a great vantage point to view the impending explosion and cackled.  Reintroduction to sedatives to know people out in close combat is difficult but not impossible.  A common claw hammer has two purposes, throwing weapon and melee weapon and the only throwing weapon you can retrieve.

With bribery, cunning on each kill, evading guards, cameras and security systems you cannot help but get a good feel how to handle the contracts that the experience will improve your lateral thinking.  

The violence level is probably not one for the kiddies and plus I do not want to give career options of this magnitude but most kids are starting to think for themselves.  I cannot imagine a video game will corrupt them to the level that most politicians claim but a bit of censorship may not be a bad idea.

Geez, no one has friended me on Facebook.

PC Games I am Playing Week: Wolfenstein

Welcome back sports fans to Day 3 of PC Games I am Playing Week.  This next video game has history to it dating as far back as 1981.  Castle Wolfenstein was created by Muse Software for the Apple II then last was developed for MS-DOS, Atari and even the Commodore 64.  Starting the trend of side scrolling shooter games and paved the way for a sequel Beyond Castle Wolfenstein you were required to use stealth and think about your objectives.  Moving   in 1992 Wolfenstein 3D, the FPS was truly given life as you play a WW2 Allied spy attempting a jail break from the Nazi prison under Castle Wolfenstein.  After 10 levels of so so graphics we could even through down with a Nazi power armored Hitler.  Of course he has about 4 chain guns strapped to the armor.  Wolfenstein 3D easily dominates the scene causing a stir in even consoles games of Super NES, 3DO and Atari Jaguar.  Now as exciting as that all sounds I was actually enjoying the 2009 version where our hero, William “B.J.” Blazkowicz is back, kicking Ratzi butt and obverting yet another plot by the Reich to take over zee world.   This is Wolfenstein.

Ho boy did I get on the wrong boat.

Blazkowicz: OSA Headquarters.  This is Agent B.J. Blazkowicz.  Wake up the spoiler. Tell him we have to meet as soon as I land.

In this incarnation we see a battleship getting ready to deploy missiles to hit London and BJ is right in the middle of fleeing when a medallion he lifted starts glowing, the goosesteppers open up on him when the medallion projects a shield blocking the gunfire then channels this incalculable power that vaporizes the gunmen.   Snazzy accessory for any globe hopping hero, I wonder if Dr. Jones would have used that one.   Stealing a Mezzerschmitt and high flying away before the ship explodes Blazkowicz is left to ponder what origins this miraculous medallion came from.   Investigations conclude that the SS is busy researching the people of Thule where the first civilization to contact another dimension known as the Black Sun.  Blazkowicz’s mission is to prevent the Nazis of crossing over to this dimension to build a super weapon that would ensure their victory in the war.

Handy freedom fighter this fellow.

Now we can discuss the game play itself.  The game play is pretty straight forward standard WASD as movement controls, R getting the reload program and I personally liked G for grenade rather than a cycle through search like Jedi Knight II.  The mouse sensitivity needs to be calibrated by you in order to do a bit better with long range sniping, the typical FPS POV is standard but with some impressive graphics thanks to an upgraded version of Tech 4 game engine.  with depth in shadow, post-processed effects offering a unique look at the physics of the supernatural realm called the Veil, you can stop time, move around objects in the real world or defeat enemies that had an almost impervious shield.

With the classification of science fiction-horror FPS this version was co-developed by Raven Software, id Software, Pi Studios and Endrant Studios.   Lot of cooks in the kitchen didn’t spoil the soup this time around.  This single-player game is also fitted to be a Multiplayer option for those interested but there were more than a few patches needed to get it on track.  Methinks a few folks got sacked because of it.  With its bloody gore, violence levels and a bit of harsh language it is really the parents’ call on whether little Johnny or Suzie can play it.  My nephew has a blast with it and he is all of 12.   Think on that. 

Oh great, Hydra joined as well.

PC Games I am Playing Week: Fallout: New Vegas

Howdy pardners and welcome back to Day 2 of PC Games I am Playing Week.  Today I speak of a game that is *gasp!* four whole years of age.  Yes this antique is the continuation of the Fallout series originally crafted in 1995 by Interplay Entertainment and has swapped hands to Black Ilse Studios only to have Black Isle file Chapter 13, return, lose rights to Fallout thus did not release Fallout 3: Capital Wasteland by Bethesda Softworks and then work injunction with Bethesda Softworks under Black Isle’s new company name Obsidian Entertainment.   Confused?  Well you should be.   So strap on your six guns, gather up some companions and watch out for strangers.  This is Fallout: New Vegas.

 

Sheesh, Hoss is packing some iron.

Spoiler…  Spoiler never changes.

The game I am referring to moves us back to the Mohave Desert, to an area more or less untouched by the war so its 1950’s influence, clothes, lingo and music still grace this giant sandbox but where there were cowboys, beef barons and gamblers with a heart of gold is now under the continuous onslaught of Fiends, slavers, raiders and rampaging super mutants and feral ghouls.  Where landmarks of the old Nevada standing have been made into renewed communities trying to survive this harsh world as two factions battle for the Hoover Dam and all the power it can provide.  The New California Republic, a foundation of former law enforcement and military ideals and Caesar’s Legion, a ruthless reincarnation of the barbarous Roman Emporium duke it out for all the marbles.  

One man keeps them both at bay, Mr. House and his fleet of Securitron robots.  He now owns all of New Vegas and plays to keep things running smoothly and the caps flowing in like so much chilled champagne.

Disagreement with the locals.

  

Your character is NOT a vault dweller.  SHOCK!!! 

You are a courier hired to carry an unknown package to a specified destination when you get jumped by a fellow in a dapper checkered suit and some Great Khans, shot in the head and left for dead.  That is your beginning intro!  As you come to in the town of Goodsprings you find that life on the Wild Wasteland is full of danger and wonder.  Rarely are the two far apart.  You need to bolster up some skills, arm yourself better and frankly get that package back to your client posthaste.  Perhaps you can indulge in a bit of revenge while you are at it.  

Like Fallout 3; the same game engine for smooth play, graphics and synched dialogue is identical.  You do however have options to newer weapons, modifying them, living off the land, freestyle wandering, side quests and different dialogue skills.   As always with this continued game system an amazing voice cast is essential in the telling of your tale as it unfolds.

 Ron Perlman (Chronos, Blade II, Alien Ressurection, Hellboy and Hellboy 2: The Golden Army) returns as the narrator of this post-apocalyptic land along with familiar voices such as Michael Dorn (CHiPs, Star Trek: The Next Generation and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) as Marcus the former Super Mutant Sheriff in Fallout 2, Felica Day (The Guild, Eureka and Supernatural) as Veronica, a bright eyed girl from California with stars in her eyes and a pneumatic gauntlet on her right hand and many more.

Hardcore mode was introduced to give more of a real feel to the game such as: dehydration, poisoning, hunger pains, withdrawals from drugs and medicine and finally healing injuries.  With 6 add-on adventures, an ultimate edition and more than its fair share of real life cosplayers; New Vegas has ran with the same steam that Fallout 3 has had and brought a whole new generation of gamers to this universe and then some.

Harland's...a bit blunt and right to the point.

PC Games I am Playing Week: Shadowrun Returns

Hey there all and welcome to PC Games Week.   As you know I do reference more than a few console based games and that has been fun but at the end of the day I admit I would rather be behind the screen on the keyboard slaughtering villagers, having FPS gunfights and solving a few brain teasers.  Today’s game hails from the realm of table top based role-playing games from as far back as 1989 from FASA Corporation. Bringing technology of cybernetics and virtual reality hackers in mixed with sorcery, dragons and metahuman creatures to the world.  In 1993, Super Nintendo brought us the first story arc based on the cyberpunk fantasy RPG involving character Jake Armitage, a man suffering amnesia, wounded by assassins trying to figure out who wants him dead and completes his overall mission.  

Your swinging bachelor/bachelorette pad...definitely a fire hazard.

1994 Sega Genesis created a third person based game of both combat and exploration with Real Time standings along with the cause and effects of each battle. 

 13 years go by and we had not seen hide or hair of one for the newer consoles or PC until 2007’s abysmal failure that worked solely on Windows Vista which was a glorified verse of Quake.  Heartbroken were so many fans that 6 years later we had heard rumors of a company called Harebrained Schemes were raising money on Kickstarter to finance their own cyberpunk fantasy game under the title Shadowrun Returns.  So grab your trauma patches, call out the doc wagon and lock and load. This is Shadowrun Returns.

That is one seriously bizarre elf.

Spoilers are the Wiz, man.

Following under tactical RPG, this single-player game has all the bells and whistles the chummers have been scanning for. Character generation starts with the five races running the streets: humans, orcs, trolls, elves and dwarves.  Each species has its pros and cons so choose the archetype that works best for what you want to do.  And if that isn’t enough to make you happy how about classes as well?  Ranging from all the greats: Street Samurai (fighter), Mage, Decker (electronic and cyber thief), Shaman (cleric or holy person), Rigger (robot drone master) or Physical Adept (magically strengthened).   Our story opens with your character looking around a slum lord’s wet dream of an apartment.  The rats and cockroaches are fighting over who gets to leave first and your vidphone gives you a call from a fellow Shadowrunner (fellow illegal adventurer or privateer) tells you he has passed away and this payment plan is set up as insurance to find out who killed him and why.  The natural loyalty of the runners is pretty sound and you begin your investigation.  Our hero even runs into Super NES’s hero Jake Armitage as a NPC as you discover a new spin on an old classic Ripper case.  

I have just a few comments at this point to be made.  The combat is turn based; you fan out your fellow runners in any formation you so choose and there is a bit of problem solving to be had.  Best advice, chummer is to diversify your character to decking (computer skills), healing and lots of etiquette (Corporation, Security, Gang and Street speak) The storyline also hails from the same timeline as the Super NES and Sega Genesis games so that includes the lingo, gritty look of the streets and alleys and while it lacks a voice cast it returns us back to traditional RPG turn based formats of the like of: Baldur’s Gate, Icewind Dale, Fallout and Planescape: Torment.   I found it entertaining, warped and everything the game systems have been aspiring to reach and finally made.  Dead Man’s Switch is just the first installment as this is linked to Steam Workshop for newer campaigns.   My only nitpicks is the loading time from mission to mission and we don’t get to play with any vehicles.

Gunfight in the nut house...a tad odd admittedly.