Maniac Cop 2

How do, everyone. I really hoped you enjoyed the write up for Tales of Frankenstein. Today I am back in the B movie territory, of which is just fine for me. I mean when you have Bruce Campbell, Laurene Landon, Robert Davi and Claudia Christian all in a Horror sequel that many critics were confused with.  This is Maniac Cop 2.

Forget vengeance, howzabout a makeover?

Recapping right back from its predecessor, Officer Cordell (Robert Z'Dar of Cherry 2000, Maniac Cop, Tango & Cash, Soultaker, Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time, Frogtown II, Future War, Hollywood Cops and Samurai Cop) plunged into the icy March waters while being chased by his fellow boys in blue to a watery grave. Now while this was all happening during St. Patty's Day, the next festivities is Christmas??  Hmm, methinks a continuity error.

Director William Lustig (Hot Honey, Maniac, Vigilante, Hit List, Relentless, Maniac Cop 2 and The Expert) is back holding the reins, so character, tone and eerie vibe is all available. Now many deem this a cult classic, so let's see if it cuts the mustard. Remember, Cordell was set up by his superiors because they were corrupt and he was getting too close to revealing that very fact. Left for dead as a bad cop in prison, he was coma ridden and died in prison...or did he? What did he find out? 

When the news just grips you.

Meanwhile officers Jack Forrest (Bruce Campbell of The Evil Dead, Crimewave, Moontrap, Escape from L.A., Ellen, Bubba Ho-Tep and Burn Notice) and Teresa Mallory (Laurene Landon of Roller Boogie, Full Moon High, Hundra, It's Alive III: Island of the Alive, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance and Death Game) still shaken from this first encounter, what with lopping his hand off with a chainsaw and...dammit. I confused my horror sequels. Ahem, with Jack andTeresa cleared of all outstanding charges, their knob of a Commissioner (Michael Lerner of Strange Invaders, Vibes, Harlem Nights, Barton Fink, No Escape, Godzilla and When Do We Eat?) is sticking with the BS story that Cordell died in Sing Sing (Sing Sing Correctional Facility) and hopes to put the whole killer cop shenanigans to rest.

He demands they see the shrink Susan Riley(Claudia Christian of The Hidden, Clean and Sober, The Dark Backward, Babylon 5, The Chase, The Haunting of Hell House, Atlantis: The Lost Empire, Half Past Dead and Fallout 4) to get their heads straightened out. Yeesh.

Oh thank God, she doesn't have a broadsword.

Entering our film is clearly the themed bad ass cop that follows the Dirty Harry code of shoot, shoot some more and then go fill out paperwork. Detective Sean Mckinney (Robert Davi of Die Hard, Licence to Kill, Profiler, Stargate Atlantis, Black Rose and The Expendables 3) definitely gonna get the 80s tropes of the captain chewing his ass out for bodies in the streets, cars smashed into buildings and so on. With his partner gone, McKinney works alone. You know the drill. He'll avenge him yadda yadda

Pulling himself out of the river, Cordell embarks on his killing spree of society that done him wrong. Honestly can you blame him? Reporters made him out to be a monster, the citizens of New York turned their backs on the this highly decorated street cop and the justice system sent him up the river with thugs and skells he put away. Starting up his bloody crusade, he encounters scruffy, religiously driven serial killer Turkell (Leo Rossi of Halloween II, Relentless, Fast Getaway, Where the Day Takes You, Raw Justice, Raw Justice, Analyze This, Crackerjack 3 and Back by Midnight) forming an alliance.

One of my favorite character actors second only to Tom Atkins, the late Charles Napier (The Blues Brothers, Rambo: First Blood Part 2, Silence of the Lambs, Return to Castle Wolfenstein, Dinocroc, Lords of Dogtown, Quake 4 and Shadowheart) is grumbly, sour and gives a good performance.

With similar killings like before, city officials are nervous as Hell, the citizens of New York are gonna go to work, pick up the kids and get groceries strapped like it's the Road Warrior. Riley and McKinney each have theories but can scarcely believe them that possibly Cordell is back and the higher ups are trying to corner Teresa, making it seem it's her killing around town. Well I have seen the lady with a broadsword, bow and arrows but she's just not quite the same height and build as Cordell.  That is, until Cordell channels his inner T-800 and goes completely sick house on the station. Whacking cops like he's an overenthusiastic hunter.

Like many Horror sequels, the body count gets higher, the effects gorier and gives a fast pace of an unstoppable killing machine. Feels like the methodical attacks of the Terminator with the zombified staple of Jason Vorhees. The dark humor is still present but not as pronounced as it is for more terror. The original feels closer to a psychological thriller moving into Horror but this sequel is straight up slasher but with more back story and several layers. I can see the appeal and I get why folks are interested in the nearby remake and will it hold up. As for this sequel, not too shabby.

Well, he's no Bogey but not bad.

Tales of Frankenstein

And back again, my readers. On this windy Tuesday I was ask by Joe Williamson of The Williamson Management inquired if I would glance my peepers over another film and of course I am always up for something new. Today's film is brought to us by writer/actor/director Donald F. Glut (Spider-Man, Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends, Dinosaur Valley Girls, The Erotic Rites of Countess Dracula, The Mummy's Kiss: 2^nd Dynasty and Blood Scarab) tackling an old tale and bringing it to life if you will. This is Tales of Frankenstein.

Previously...on Old Timey Nip/Tuck.

We have a quadrilogy story line, based on Glut's short stories with a blend of Horror and Comedy. So each tale centers around descendants or former students of Victor Von Frankenstein. We open with a text crawl and a narrative setting the tone that there will be tales told.

Some of the cinematography shots are reminding me how a Hammer film would unfold, orchestral score, scenery pans and a dissolve into our character reveal shot.

The monster (Scott Fresina of Tales of Frankenstein) roams about in the abandoned castle, looking reminiscent of the Universal monster portrayed by Boris Karloff. I was particularly impressed with the portrait of Frankenstein by storyboard artist, Pete von Sholly (The Blob, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, Child's Play, Heathers, Swamp Thing, Puppet Master II and Drop Dead Fred). I imagine acrylic a tad easier than oil painting with a layer of cattle blood as thickner. Ugh, can you imagine how awful those paintings had to smell drying?

Our first story is "My Creation, My Beloved", establishing a yarn about deformed cousin of the ancient Victor Frankenstein, Gregore (Buddy Daniels Friedman of The Wizard of Speed and Time, Eddie Presley, Psychic Detectives, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Posers, The Mummy's Kiss and Ninja Cheerleaders). He strives using his ancestor's forbidden knowledge and his own genius to create the perfect man and woman. Ho boy, getting in Arim Zola territory there. Ze Germans! So naturally he must select prime specimens for his dastardly deeds in the name of science. After a successful brain kidnapping, Gregore encounters a drunk and a prostitute Helga (Lilian Lev of Blood Runs Thick, Shadow: Tale of an Assassin, Red to Black, African Mystique and Acceleration) which leads to two dead bodies. That being said, Gregore loses his chosen brain but gains a dead girl in spite of the circumstances. So glass half empty?

Gregore hits on the idea of transplanting for his co-correspondence pen pal and fellow doctor, Irma in order to be all the man she deserves. Maybe she is prejudice against humpbacks.

Enough of that macabre, let's check out the dance/music hall because...yum er um I mean several dancers in preparing for a class or a number when, the building is engulfed in flames! No appreciation for the arts. With a few nips here, a tuck there, everything should be fine.

This is a bad Tinder date.

The appearance of the Monster is almost as if he is telling these tales but more or less just grunting at the portrait. Which is a shame. I was all set to take notes on his five hour lecture of "Fire Bad."

Our next story is called "Crawler from the Grave", which I made too many filthy jokes to, so we will move on. With another descendant of Frankenstein hard at work dealing with plague victims and the fun to be had with those parts. Man name of Vincent (John Blyth Barrymore of Kung Fu, Full Moon High, Mansion of Blood, Dances with Werewolves, Mata Hari and Hollywood Boulevard) is having series of nightmares or possibly dark memories of the owners of a ring that seems to be passed to generation to generation. Hey at this point, why not premonitions?

Seeing faces left and right I recognize in this torrid tale, such as: Ann Robinson (War of the Worlds, Imitation of Life and Midnight Movie Massacre), Jerry Lacey (Dark Shadows, Play it Again, Sam, Blood Bath, Super Shark and Unwanted Guest), Tatiana DeKhtyar (Super Power Beat Down, Heroes with Issues, Six Feed Down Under, Dances with Werewolves, and Wolverine: Lost Chapters) Beverly Washburn (Star Trek, Pit Stop, The Manhunter, The Streets of San Francisco, White Paint and Unbelievable!!!!) and Len Wein (Creator of Wolverine, Sotrm, The Human Target comic character) Vincent is obsessed with fine jewels and none finer than Helmut Frankenstein's ruby ring. Helmut (Len Wein) is obsessed with alchemy and immortality following his ancestor's notes while his young bride Lenore (Tatiana DeKhtyar) bats her gold digging eyes at him in distraught as he turns blue (literal, not he is in a funk), gasps and drops dead. Helmut's wish was to be buried with the ring to further snub Vincent.

Losing his mind over the ring, Vincent proceeds to dig Helmut's grave to claim the prize but gets more than he bargained for.

Crazy Ralph?

Our next narrative called "Madhouse of Death" brings us an anecdote of Los Angeles with a hard boiled P.I. Jack Anvil (Jamisin Matthews of Raspberry & Lavender, The Wright Stuff, Will & Grace, FBI Guys, and Drift)hot on a case as he is toodling around in his car listening to a Frankenstein radio serial. The same old story, a dame done wrong, a palooka needing a pop in the puss and check to be cashed.  Dammit, gotta stop listening to Old Time Radio shows.

His car breaks down an old road, leaving him to hoof it before the business end of a rainstorm soaks him to the bone, he happens upon a eerie house that every horror fan would have screamed, "Don't go in there, ya moron!"   With a friendly meet n' greet with the house servant, Mogambo (T.J. Storm of Punisher: War Zone, Resident Evil 5, Star Trek, Avatar, Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds, Soulcalibur V, Dead Space 3 and Godzilla) Anvil is given the royal treatment from Dr. Mortality (Mel Novak of Game of Death, Truck Turner, The Ultimate Warrior, Capital Punishment, Vampire Assassin, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance and Syndicate Smasher).

Yeah the digs are real cushy, if you're Christopher Lee.

Our fourth and final fable is "Dr. Karnstein's Creation" Holy Crap it's Tom the Inn Keeper! Yes, I do occasionally have a Harry Potter reference, as Jim Tavare (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Rabbit Fever, Zombies and Assholes, Chuck, Californication, Walking in LA, Killjoy Goes to Hell and 15 North) tackles the role of a mad scientist creating his own monster in a vampire infested Transylvania. The Zombies were having fun. The tavern wenches were quite appealing. The year is 1957 and the copious amount of garlic and crosses on the wall are a bit off putting. Think the Slaughtered Lamb in An American Werewolf in London. Karnstein is having a titter tat with Carl (Justin Hoffmeister of San Andreas Quake, Break-Up Nightmare, Being Black Enough, Flight 666 and Trunk) a lad that dreams of going to America and getting away from the hills and tavern girls that keep shooting him down. Might behave less like a creeper and you just may have a chance, Carl. Now git in the house!

The good doctor is oddly enough also a prodgeniture of Frankenstein and his surname was altered to avoid the stigma of the family shame. In spite of this, Karnstein plans on using atomic energy to create his own creature but make him completely subservient to his will. Hey Carl, now would be a good time to vamoose!

Throughout the town there seems to be a common superstition that vampires roam the night and most of the townsfolk are in at night so a bit of grave robbing won't get interrupted.

Please excuse the screen captures as I was working with a screener. Yeah it can't be helped sometimes.

Yes there was minor nudity, fellas. I know how that is such a criteria for some of you. The violence is suiting and primarily it is all about the stories allowed to uncoiling. So yes, you do have to pay attention.

I would point out the warped sense of humor our writer has. A house of women of ill-repute called ghast haus, a wine from The Cask of Amontilado (famous short story of Edgar Allan Poe) and the grave of Lucy Westerna (Bram Stoker's Dracula) to name a few. Trust me, there are some good gags in there and Glut enjoys the classics. This has some good moments, great cast and some clever writing. The lingo for the P.I. Story and Vampire story really was handled well. I clearly need to partake in some more Donald F. Glut. Trust me, I didn't even cover half of the Easter Eggs of this flick so grab a copy, enjoy and find a few I missed.

Does he know I farted?

Hundra

Well hello, gang. Welcome to the first of February! I got an amazing response for Laurene Landon. I knew the lady has fans but didn't expect the love. Not to mention, the demand of a Cult Classic review. So with taking these notes and suggestions in mind, I will be looking at the 1983 Sci-Fi Fantasy with a need to breed. This is Hundra.

Message for you, sir!

Directed by exploitation director Matt Cimber (The Black 6, That Girl from Boston, Butterfly, Fake-Out, Yellow Hair and the Fortress of Gold and Miriam), this is an Italian film shot in Spain. So you can imagine how interesting this is already. This timeline women are deemed second-class citizens similar to property, cattle and pets. A band of women felt they have had enough, broke away from the male dominant society. Took too many demands of grog and mutton, probably cleaning the keep and thatch roofed huts. This colony's isolation provided them good hunting, crops and fine hunts. Perfectly content with their lives, our warriors/hunters/gatherers know no commands or demands made of them. They chose to stay away from men until they need to increase their numbers. Yes, that bouncy bouncy activity.

All of them except Hundra (Laurene Landon of Hundra, Yellow Hair and the Fortress of Gold, Maniac Cop, Maniac Cop 2, 1313: Hercules Unbound!, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance and Syndicate Smasher). A true warrior woman that has no need for a man. They are useless creatures in her mind's eye and well, not sure if I disagree with her. We got some beer chugging jagoffs, sexist butt monkeys and too many abusers with bible quotes floating about.

The SCA attack nearby picnickers!

With her tribe flourishing, Hundra is on the hunt while at the same time; a horde of barbarians cut a bloody swath through the Amazons slaughtering the lot of them. Kind of similar to Conan's village being obliterated in Schwarzenegger's Conan the Barbarian. I sense a vengeance subplot! In minutes she finds the raiders and goes sick house. Hundra is a bad ass. Got to be close to twenty five men and she is gacking them left and right. Red Sonja has nothing on this woman. Time to loot the bodies!!! Um we do that, right? Hell just the horses alone should fetch a decent price.

Was a great little slapstick as a guy with one of her daggers in his belly tried to smack Hundra with a good sized rock.

Hundra: After the Hunt.  Oh, my.

Being the lone survivor of the tribe, Hundra seeks out the wisdom of an ancient elder Chrysula (Tamera of Hundra) who tells her it now falls to her that she must rebuild her tribe. The very duty she never deemed neccessary for herself. She must go south to the land of the bull to get her best breeder stock. Geez Grandma, don't talk to me about sex. Ewwwww!!!

Can Hundra find a man she deems worthy? Will she be with child? Can she rebuild?

It turns out ,a Spanish designed action fantasy game; Zeus Software by Dinamic Software for the 8 bit home computers for the Amstrad CPC, MSX and ZX Spectrum in 1988 also called Hundra, but turns out it is only inspired by the film and not directly related to the plot or character. Confused the crap out of me when I saw it.

Interesting bit of trivia is Laurene did all her own stunts with the exception of the tower jump. Still that's horseback riding, sword-mastery, archery, some hand-to-hand. That is damn impressive. My final thoughts? This is not some Conan knock off. Solid orchestral music by the great composer, Ennio Morricone (Navajo Joe, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, Once Upon a Time in the West, The Exorcist II: The Heretic, The Thing, The Untouchables and Bugsy) setting the moods of the scenes.

We got the hero's journey, loss of all she knew, a voyage into the unknown, actions and consequences of all such in the path. Landon has an emotional whirlwind throughout this film and shoulders it well. I don't get to see enough films of this caliber and would love my readers to start recommending more. 

Just dig swordplay and hunting. What of it?

America 3000

Welcome back my readers. For those of you in the Midwest, sorry for your blizzard wind conditions. Hope it lets up soon. Those of you in the West Coast, I envy you so much right now. Today's movie is another journey back to the 80s as we are back in Post-Apocalyptic staple. Yeah I know I watch quite a few of these but I thought I would explore more into the lovely and vivacious Laurene Landon's career and this title just grabbed me. This is America 3000.

Hmm, this one will do nicely.

Yay! Two alternate titles called Thunder Women and Thunder Warriors!  No idea why I love that so much.  Our friends via Cannon and Golan-Globus produced this. Written and directed by David Engelbach (Death Wish II, Over the Top, MacGuyver) our story starts 900 years after the bombs dropped in 1992, (making this timeline roughly 2892), the world has been reduced to a stone age (Thought my observation says almost iron age) as a tribe of amazon like women rule over the existing populous, making sure man does not overthrow them.   Naturally, this could cause a bit of tension.  Women decide roles in the tribes according to the regs of Tiara.  Quick warning, these amazons are very coiffed. 80's hair be there.  More than an assortment of loin cloths and shammies died for this film like so many Bothans.

Women on horseback, lashing their slaves to guitar rock. Don't you have to pay extra for that? Not up on my flogging etiquette, so I ask my male and female readers on that one.

Oops. That intern didn't get her coffee.

A young lad who tires of being a sex object and a breeder, Korvis and his laborer buddy Gruss flee from the Fraus in search of freedom and building their camp of sausage fest. Yeah I am not sure what's going on there but not woman one.

Grown up Korvis (Chuck Wagner of General Hospital, Automan, All My Children, Loving,Dynasty, Matlock and The Sisterhood) and Gruss (William Wallace of Beverly Hills Cop, Delta Force, Avenging Force, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Troop Beverly Hills, Born on the Fourth of July and Solo)strive to free their fellow man from this injust tyranny. Yeah, boo hoo. Oh woe is me. I have to give orgasms to hot women. CRY BABY!

Men are encamped and separated to needs of the tribe. Laborers, servants, seeders (breeding population control) and some are just for fun. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge. Almost feels like Gor for how the men are treated. Um really stringent feminism? Eh, whatever.

With a total lack of machines, damn dirty apes, my usual riffing is held up until the monster which looks like the offspring of Chewbacca and Meatloaf roaming the lands with a boom box. Won't lie.  I got the biggest laugh out of that. Then I remembered where they were shooting and had huge amounts of pity for that guy in his monster booties.  His burbles were less intelligible than Chewie.   I think he was gargling raw goat balls.   Hey, I am an amateur audio engineer with good ears. I know goat ball gargling when I hear it.

Glam Gal in Charge.

There are more primitive men called Plougats. Sloping foreheads, rudimentary hand tools, ridiculous beards and melee weapons. Apparently they can't farm so they ambush the tribes for food and probably for breeding purposes as well. No giant irradiated monsters so yeah it was kind of calm.

With their queen Reya (Camilla Sparv of Murderers' Row, The High Commissioner, The Rockford Files, Winter Kills and The Naked Truth) nearing death, her daughter Vena (Laurene Landon of Hundra, Yellow Hair and the Fortress of Gold, Maniac Cop, Maniac Cop 2, 1313: Hercules Unbound!, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance and Syndicate Smasher) is to be the next Tiara, follow a map and sounds like quest time. Yup gotta have a good quest. Her sister Lakella (Victoria Barrett of Hot Resort, Three Kinds of Heat, Cheers and Russian Holiday) looks a bit pissed to not have been named the successor. Just an observation.

Thanks to plot device...er I mean a simple alphabet book, Korvis can understand English enough to realize they have been up-top an underground bunker, filled with firearms. Will Korvis overthrow the tribes of women?   Can woman and man live together in peace?  How many of these guys did they castrate?

In spite of this being a Post Apocalyptic film, zero skin and mild violence. Yeah this has a PG-13 rating so I was spared 20 billion rape scenarios. THANK GOD. The film is slow in places, we have time span speech that adulterates speech and pollutes meanings but I'm a quick study. We have a narrative that establishes certain facets of the film, filling in the blanks and overall it isn't a bad flick.

Unlike your typical cataclysm story line, no vehicles, heavy use of firearms, or real struggle against marauders. There is no demand of oil, water or political upheaval.

This is all supposed to be taking place in Colorado and geographically speaking that would be roughly Colorado Springs near NORAD.

Point of fact, in the year of 1986 our feature was shot in Israel. Kinda nifty, right? Colorado might have been a bit too lush and vibrant with fauna and flora. Sorry for the logo pop. This was found on a streaming site that taped it from Impact TV via TNT in the day. 

Grandpa...fading...

Biohazard

Howdy folks. Well because of the re-release of the revamped with new bells and whistles Resident Evil 2, I decided to find something to brand that up. So digging through the archives of producer/writer/director Fred Olen Ray for anything resembling that and well...the Japanese title is acknowledged with this film buuuuut...I'm not sure what I am in for. This is Biohazard.

Are Boobs and I invited to the phone conversation?

Written and directed by Fred Olen Ray (Evil Toons, Star Hunter, Night Shade, Illicit Dreams 2,Tomb of the Werewolf, Bikini Airways, Teenage Cavegirl and Nuclear Hurricane) and I am not as versed with him as I am Jim Wynorski or their Italian mockbuster counterpart Bruno Mattei, so this should be interesting. I did see Alienator with Ross Hagen, John Phillip Law, Jan Michael Vincent, P.J. Soles and Joseph Pilato. Yes I recognized them all because...I have reviewed a lot of film, TV and near photographic memory.

Our movie begins as most do, with some simple slide texts and some synthesizer. We open with a APC driving into Vasquez Rocks??!!! AHHHH!!!! Sorry, sorry. I am a wee bit sick of this as a location. I get its appeal of being remote and isolated but ugh. Just a bit irked I can recognize it by sight.

Hearing a giger counter bury the needle is always a cause for alarm in my book. Could also have been a stock sound effect. Gonna punch most of our "Military Men" as NONE of them bothered with a G.I.cut. HAIR GROWS BACK! Well, for most of us. I hadn't taken in account of male pattern baldness. My bad.

As the experiments continue, experts range from a scientist Dr. Williams (Art Payton of Beverly Hills Madam, Never Too Young to Die, Emanon, Defense Play and Knots Landing) to a rather chesty psychic, name of Lisa (Angelique Pettyjohn of The Girl from U.N.C.L.E., Get Smart, The Touch of Her Flesh, Clambake, Star Trek and Hell's Belles)

So our heroes are experimenting with transmitting and assembling matter from nearby dimensions. Yup, the physics are right out the window with this grade of Sci-Fi but you normally expect it in 70s to 80s TV. Not everyone has a blue police box at the ready. So scientists twisting space and time and basically giving God the middle finger. Well this will clearly not backfire.

Probably measuring zombie rads like Zombi '90.

Transport expert and ex-military, Mitchell Carter (William Fair of Deep Space, Take My Daughters, Please, The First Power, Marked for Murder and Deep Impact) and his driver get to the secret lab in time to watch General Randolph (Aldo Ray of Johnny Nobody, The Virginian, The Violent Ones, The Green Berets, The Houndcats, The Centerfold Girls, Black Samurai and The Lucifer Complex) blow his top. With this science being fiddle faddle, poppycock and utter balderdash, Dr. Williams is hoping to change his mind.

They manifest some sort of container and naturally the general called dibs, ignores the scientist because...plot device.   I mean military intelligence knows all!   We also do not comment on how uniforms don't match military chain.  One guy is in civvies camo style. Again we are behaving. 

Trick 'r Treat, sucka!

Naturally the Army is made to look like asses as the container breaches and out comes!...a very small alien. Like the size of a kid. Um, okay. So toddler Clawful smacks a grunt to death and escapes into the wilderness.

Carter and Lisa team up to chase the creature down. Lisa seems to exhibit empathy rather than telepathy. Not sure if that was important but I noticed that. Of course since they are working together she feeds him Dinty Moore stew and then proceeds to mack him on the couch, with the girls out on display. Must be co-operational behavior.

Can Carter and Lisa capture or destroy our itty bitty invader??  Will General Randolph stop burbling lines like he is drunk?  How does Lisa's bra handle the strain??

I recognized precisely two people in this flick and that is rare I do not recognize more. Maybe more Fred Olen Ray films will fix that oversight. Aldo Ray I clocked from Black Samurai with Jim Kelly. Let's not get back into the hate crimes of that flick. Angelique Pettyjohn took even longer and then I remembered my original Star Trek era and Gamemasters of Triskelion popped in my head. Ample and very curvy, she tends to stand out. Buxom, I believe will get the point across.

At 84 minutes, we have a killer ET that is roaming Southern Cali with murder on his mind. The transmat device interacting with psychic energy sounds straight out of Tom Baker Doctor Who era and some light to moderate skin with your violence. A few blocking issues and I swear Aldo Ray was drunk for his scenes but all in all this can be a fun drinking game for movie tropes.

The creature costume looks pretty damn impressive courtesy of Kenneth J. Hall (Ghoulies, Critters, Carnosaur, Puppet Master 4, Puppet Master 5, Jack Frost, and The Clown at Midnight) and Fred's son, director Christopher Ray (Reptisaurus, Megaconda, 2-Headed Shark Attack, Mercenaries, Circus Kane and Minutes to Midnight) was roaming around it the bio suit at age 5.

An amusing side note, the Mexican VHS release was called Space Gremlins or Gremlins del Espacio if you prefer.

I sense you are gawking at me.

The Initiation

Hello again my readers and welcome back for more 80s Horror Throwback. What could be more 80s than what we already experienced? Well, how about an obscure 1984 maniac slasher film that didn't get a massive collective of sequels? Yeah I know that many of you are confused but not every low budget slasher film was deemed necessary or worthy of sequels. Now look at some of those Fridays and Halloweens and tell me if they did a decent job all the way through. No instead of griping about lack of continuity or grasp of temporal mechanics, let's give view to actor turned director Larry Stewart in his incursion into horror. This is The Initiation.

So that Lonestar guy just starts hitting on me. Ewwww...

A gaggle of sorority sisters jiggling and giggling while a deranged nutter butter stalks them? Let me guess, he escaped a secured maximum wacko basket, visited the local hardware store and is on the loose?

Our film's location is Dallas/ Ft. Worth so you got a lot of ground to cover.  Our story focuses around Kelly Fairchild (Daphne Zuniga of The Sure Thing, Modern Girls, Spaceballs, Last Rites,Melrose Place, Monkey in the Middle adn Beyond Paradise), our plucky protagonist who has a recurring dream of a strange man burning to death, screaming and flailing himself inside her childhood house. Seriously 80s, did any of the teen protagonists have a pseudo-quasi, normal childhood? If that wasn't stress enough, Kelly is taking part in initiation for her sorority house. A group of pledges have to break into her dad's department store after hours with several of her friends. Simultaneously, miles away from all this gallivanting; a sanitarium has a riot, nutters get free and a nurse has been forked to death. (I WROTE FORKED, PERVS!).

NO ONE ESCAPES THE CLAW!!!!

Mother and Father Fairchild cracked me up as it is Frances (Vera Miles of The Searchers, Psycho, Follow Me, Boys!, The Spirit is Willing, Hotel, Murder, She Wrote and Separate Lives) and Dwight (Clu Gulager of The Killers, The Last Picture Show, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge, Uninvited, The Return of the Living Dead, Gunfighter, Feast, Piranha 3DD, and Blue Jay). I guess more Clu Gulager equals boobs and gore for your horror film. That morning, Frances and Dwight have been notified of the escape as if a dark secret is about to rear its ugly head. Those aren't Dwight's real boobs!!! GASP!! Uh I mean Angela's a boy!!! Um Ricky has a psychic link to an annoying blind girl?

Jinkies, Kelly being a good girl is a bit concerned for the evening's event as she goes to hang out with Peter (James Read of North and South, North and South, Book II, Legally Blonde, American Dreams and Charmed)to work on her thesis for psychology and hopes to understand her nightmares. It just means you into Rick James, baby. That's all.

Yes Debbie, they're real. k?

Back at the department store, the night porter has the life expectancy of a Starfleet red shirt. Now the killer has free reign of the multi-level store. Now to steal all the parachute pants and linen suit jackets! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Kelly, Marcia (Marilyn Kagan of Foxes, Mork & Mindy, Hart to Hart, The Ladies Club and Ellen) and Alison all agreed to split up to look for these uniforms for the initiation. Y'know, instead of the girls sticking together and Kelly leading them all to where the uniforms would be. Cause that would make sense!

While the bodies are stacking up like cord wood, Peter does a work-through with the microfilm and news clippings of convenience describing Kelly's childhood fire as a floor manager at Dwight's store.

Is the killer this Mr. Crispy? Can nothing be done to stop the maniac? What of the secret of the Yeti?

The Bold and the Beautiful fans should get a kick out of seeing Hunter Tylo a.k.a. Dr. Taylor Hayes as Alison in this flick. This is assuming The Bold and the Beautiful fans read my blog.

So with a few plot twists, a red herring here and there, this isn't a bad slasher. Daphne's performance stands out the most because she is really trying to emote and it shows. It had some genuine kill counts, some impressive gore effects, the acting was solid and honestly it was creepy. It would have been creepier, if I didn't see the writing on the wall of 80s tropes coming to fruition. That's okay. I have seen a fair amount of Horror than most.

He died as he lived. Mistaken for wood.

Uninvited

Hey gang, welcome back to 80 Horror Throwback. So I have to say the notion of a Killer Cat film outside Poe's Black Cat via Lucio Fulci is foreign territory. Seen enough Killer Dog flicks than you can shake a stick at. So why not add a few more unlikely scenarios. Say for example, a mafia don hosting a party on his yacht in the Caribbean? Scientists tinkering with Fluffy's DNA creating a virtual monster? This is Uninvited a.k.a. Killer Cat

They gave him one too many shots.

Yup sadly only one English Alternative Title this time around. What can you do?   Our film was written and directed by Greydon Clark (Black Shampoo, Angel's Revenge, Final Justice, Dark Future, Mad Dog Coll and Star Games) so yes there is an exploitation background and two of his films have featured on MST3K so you know we may have some chop in the water with this one.

With our instrumental and credits interspersed with a mild bit of exposition, our two doctors believe the test subject has a tumor ranging inside of it (Obligatory Arnold quote: "Eet's not a Tumah!) so you know PETA and ASPCA are already annoyed. Our subject is a fluffy orange tabby that looked a bit disturbed at a impeding shot they were going to give him when he he bolts away. Should they have closed the door? Hmm, sound thinking but we don't have time for rational thought.

A further note is one of the doctors calls for radiation security. So now we have armed men in hazmat suits? The furball is nuclear??! What the nine hells is that about? Tranqing him, the security team thinks they got him (It's a trick, get an ax.) and he proceeds to go sick house on them, spraying cherry pie all over the walls. Yes some bizarre mutation allowing him to house another creature inside of him like a host to a parasite (Thanks for the spoiler reveal in 3 minutes and forty-eight seconds!) allowing him to skibble away with POV shots that would have been better served on a Jeeper Creeper because the shot looks like either a human hunkered over or a Great Dane with a Go Pro.

Dr Grady (Greydon Clark) and his lab assistant (Only titled as Lab Assistant) Paul proceed to lower mesh metal gates in a parking lot have secured the building and they're going after the cat. Yeah best of luck with that. I expect Boysenberry blood spatter similar to the previous cherry pie gunk. FYI, the stock cat sound effects in ADR is really limited and slightly ridiculous.

Subplot 2 is two girls trying to find a hotel for Spring Break are aided by a mysterious Mr. Graham (Alex Cord of Route 66, The Brotherhood, Police Sotry, Airwolf, Airwolf TV Movie and Fire from Below), a shady fellow living in the hotel. Hmm... the plot thickens? Suzanne (Shari Shattuck of Hot Child in the City, Freddy's Nightmares, Goddess of Love, Mad About You, Death Spa, Dallas and Silk Stalkings) and Bobbie (Clare Carey of Zombie High, Waxwork, Coach So Little Time, Point Pleasant and Jericho) are just a tad clueless to the bright neon sign over Graham's head that says: I AM A MAFIOSO but it happens.

Tee hee.  We have bewbs.

Graham needs to tend to a "meeting" with his "associates" Mike (George Kennedy of The Silent Witness, Have Gun- Will Travel, Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte,Airport, The Naked Gun, Dallas and The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear) and Albert (Clu Galager of Have Gun- Will Travel, The Rebel, The Tall Man, The Virginian, The Return of the Living Dead, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge, Walker, Texas Ranger and Feast), to go over Subplot 3 of the Mafia angle and a deal of great importance.

It seems their weaselly trader/banker Darryl (Michael Holden of Automan, Freddy's Nightmares,Cheers, L.A. Law, Reasonable Doubts, Fallout and 24) is having a devil of a time, money laundering. The FTC (Federal Trade Commission) has been snooping around the irregularities of flux of money is getting paranoid being small potatoes and knows if he screws up he will have 10 to 25 years with a cellmate/boyfriend name of Bubba. A hot tub bubbly bath of drowning later and we know Darryl's not gonna flip.

Vic Vega didn't age well.

Felonious feline forays to the dock, sneaks on aboard the yacht and the body count starts racking up. Again it's a cat. Regardless of its mutation, it's called a hammer. They're five bucks. BONK! BONK!

The puppetry is fair, but it doesn't exactly strike fear into my heart. The husband/wife duo Jim and Debi Boulden (Predator, White fang, Strays, Strange Days, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch) built a nasty looking tabby but again not terror inducing as a whole regardless of the professional creation and the camera blocking.

I am told this particular flick wound up in Rifftrax via Michael Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett so yes you may want to watch that version than this straight through. An additional amusement with the level of gore, nudity and blood spattering against the bulk heads, this cinematic creation fell under PG-13.

A ratings error or did it go straight to video in the day and no one was paying attenion? I do not have all the answers on that one. With 90 minutes on the clock, it is distracting enough for unintentional humor and yes I would say it is a good bad movie for those that love them. So if you want some mindless violence, jiggly girl gallivanting and carnage candy, well this is the film for you. 

This is my stop, Tex!