In a time when the gods were petty and
cruel. When the world was young and simple folk tried to mount
attacks against the rain. Hey folks I thought I would pop in a fun
TV movie of the Action Pack 90's years. No it isn't more Tekwar.
Only four of those and I think I covered them all. Nope this time
around we journey through the lands of New Zealand with Kevin Sorbo.
This is Hercules and the Lost Kingdom.
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| Damn coffee kicked in. |
Herc in a small town just attempting
to enjoy fresh stew gets attacked by a massive giant. By attacked I
mean mocked outright, kicked across a courtyard and mocked further.
The giant was a bit of a dick. Herc gives him whatfor bringing the
giant down and laying him out with a haymaker. After that fun
smackdown, the villagers wish to put up a shrine or give tribute as
they do with all the gods but Herc graciously turns them down and
heads for his meal. Hera, darling stepmother and queen of the gods
has been smiting messengers from the city of Troy not allowing them
to return and claim their kingdom. One messenger finally gets to
our hero and begs for his help. A confab with Zeus as he tells Herc
to forget about it, maybe worship once in a while at Hera's temple to
smooth things over. Yeah because it is Herc's fault Zeus got randy
and had how many kids?
Seriously though the whole walking to
every village, town and kingdom thing gets tedious even in the
series. Dude! Buy a horse! Buy several! Get a wagon! Covered and
with a mattress for snoozing.
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| Hooded Monk of Groove Town. |
Herc sets out to his new quest when
he comes across a gathering of people praying to the water god. I
guess saying Posideon means they get a flood? Posssibly an
adventure. Their human sacrifice Denaira (Common name
apparently as both Renee O Connor and Tawny Kitaen both had it)
is saved by the demigod as he warns the villagers these offerings do
not interest most of the gods and just simply tells them to irrigate
their land. Yup waste some prayers on selfish beings or improve
your farming techniques, brohan. Also consider cross cropping
(changing the particular crop with another to enrich the soil).
Denaira follow Hercules convinced her
destiny is linked with him as they are off to find Troy. A kingdom
shrouded by a illusion veil or Hera simply moved it. She's kind of
crafty that way.
Traveling to Troy they have need of a
magic compass that will lead them to Troy itself. A mysterious robed
monk keeps watching out for Denaira and speaks of her destiny. A
previous eunuch/slave Waylon journeys with Hercules after the big guy
tossed around a few shakedown artists i.e. Thugs run a protection
racket.
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| A Bob Clampett CartOOoOooon!!! |
Herc and Denaira get as far as the
ridge to an ocean face when a giant sea serpent (insert Benny &
Cecil joke) swallows them whole. With a Jonah and the Whale story
happening the two are separated as Herc proceeds to punch his way
through the serpent. Well damaging it enough to release them. With
getting to land finally Denaria meets her destiny that has long been
withheld from her. She's...a princess? Hmm I thought she was
supposed to hang out with another brunette of awesome power and a
round killy thing (Chakram! God bless you!). Oh wait,
that's Gabrielle.
With meeting the displaced people of
Troy they for some reason cannot go back to their home because the
king refused to sacrifice his only daughter to the blue sea serpent.
Saaaay... that same creature they just escaped from?? Kooky coincidence???
So what can be said of this TV movie.
Well the graphics were cutting edge in its day. Our cast is pretty
top notch and who can disagree with New Zealand for a gorgeous
setting? Anthony Quinn as Zeus was always a treat. Flirting with
girls and women vastly younger than him.
Though I did laugh at the monks. The
Blue Cult. The Order of the Blue Serpent I am guessing is better
name. Looked like Foot Clan with rubber ghoul masks and duo swords.
Cue the M.C. Hammer music!!!
Yeah I am goofing. Overall it is a fun
sci-fi fantasy story for all ages. Yes you can plunk young ones down
and enjoy with them.
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| Jeez my pecs are sweaty. |
