An Interview with Vida Ghaffari

Hey folks. Today's review isn't one. Rather I was asked by an actress/voice actress appearing in Mind of Mencia, Jimmy Kimmel Live and The Mindy Project. This actress sought me out as she has previously worked with a mutual friend Dustin Ferguson (Doll Killer, Die Sister, Die!, Gloved Murderess, Cheerleader Camp: To the Death, Invitation to Die and Nemesis 5: The New Model) and I admire that level of boldness.  Let's see what we can learn.

Photo(s) courtesy of Guillermo Proano /PR Photos.

Photo(s) courtesy of Guillermo Proano /PR Photos.

So you do a Suspense Show for an audio drama.  Why voice work?  "It was something I fell into and enjoyed doing when I was an entertainment reporter for an international satellite Persian TV station a while back. I had to voice my promos in Farsi and English and joked that did twice as much work for half the pay! So I actually started out in vo before acting. While I love the field of voice over, some of the industry is suffering from all the underpaid work that is unfortunately and oddly enough part of all this great technology, where anyone anywhere can do vo for often little to no payment and undervalue it, especially commercially."

"Dave and Dave Recording Studios are one of the best in trends and technical.

Veteran voice announcer Don LaFontane has a studio named after him with his passing in 2008.  Don LaFontaine Voiceover Lab with the SAG-AFTRA Foundation.   Some of my mentors were mentored by Don and they are just paying it forward with the same patience and grace he had."

For those that do not know, this gruff voiced man was known in the biz as King of the Movie Trailers, The Voice and The Godfather of Trailers. "In a world..." Ring any bells? Okay fine. Xena's promo announcer, Renegade's narrator and JAG's opening narrator to name just some of the man's work.

Rock' N' Sexxxy with Amber Lynn and Yan Birch

I understand that you have been a reoccurring guest host on Amber Lynn's Rock 'N' Sexxxy for LA Talk Radio. I have listened to only a handful of her interviews but I admit I am slowly becoming a fan.   "Amber is lovely, outgoing and such a fine host. She always makes an interview fun. I'm so flattered that she thought of me and extended the gracious invite. I'm more east coast and she's an Orange County gal at heart, so I think it's a good combination. We just had Yan Birch on that Thursday. I had just acted with him in a film called Abeyance." 

Yan Birch who I knew as Stairmaster from Wes Craven's People Under the Stairs. I was just looking at this man's bio and it is vast.  "He is such a great actor and take great pauses and goes from moment to moment with such an intensity. He does so much with his eyes. It's riveting."   Both Vida and I are convinced the man stopped aging. I am going with Highlander immortal to explain it.

It is my take that Amber can get answers with ease and seems to be easy going.  My friend Dustin Ferguson was the first interview I heard when he was plugging Nemesis 5: The New Model.

Vida found Dustin to be so hardworking all the time. They were at a film festival this past spring when his film was screening and he had to head out to finish some more editing for another project. I'm assuming it was right after the Q and A. "He gets the most out of every scene and he is great at what he does". I confirmed he and I could speak obscure films all day long.

Daiane Azura and Vida team-up!

Abeyance is Sci-fi/Action with Billy Wirth of War Party, The Lost Boys, Scout Taylor Taylor-Compton of Halloween 1 and 2, Richard Tyson of Three O' Clock High. " Richard Tyson has a MFA from Cornell and is an actor's actor.   This open and humble man from Mobile, Alabama and is down to Earth and centered. He recited Shakespearean sonnets in between takes with perfection and ease!"   Birch, who was referenced above, also starred in this film along with noted actor Mel Novak from Bruce Lee's Game of Death. 

Director Harley Wallen directs like a captain of the ship, constantly there but not checking on you. He knows what you can do and what you are capable of. Such a tremendous talent. What a treat it was to work with him and might I add that he had an amazing crew!" 

Let's talk about Facebook Live with Ford and Vida. How did this come about?

"We were all over L.A. Because Ford put me in touch with Artists for Trauma and we promoted charity events but ironically our first show was a wedding and jewelry for Macy's. He was the first person to receive this help after being in this horrific car accident, he was told he may never walk again and two years after the accident he was back to singing, dancing and acting once more.

He is a on-point lovely fellow and his wife Lauree Dash is an open hearted person that is heart centered person, that made a great power couple."

Just got done watching Mel Novak in Holy Terror.   Couldn't help but recognize some folk I recognize in it.  Like Kristine DeBell of Meatballs, Battle Creek Brawl and Blood Brothers.   I swear I am not aging myself on purpose.

You worked with Dawna Lee Heising of Natural Born Filmmakers, Horndog's Party Beach and Copperhead Creek.  "Yes, we just shot Horndog's Beach Party and Dawna was incredible as the nosy cougar next door. Most actors would play a caricature, but Dawna dug deep!  Though the film is comedy in the vein of Porky's, I like the believability of it.  If I haven't said it enough already, Dustin is an incredible director.  I dunno when the guy sleeps. He's always working on something!"  

What do you have coming up? 

I have a film I'm working on this fall and I'm re-occurring on the Suspense Show on XM Satellite Radio. I recently voiced an episode with Adrienne Wilkinson (Xena: Princess Warrior) and Keston John (Bosch). I also voiced an episode with Mel that will hopefully be up soon, where I play the ultimate femme fatale. I was just nominated for best voiceover for another episode I voiced, "Have A Hacking, Whacking Christmas" at the 2018 Los Angeles Nollywood Awards this Sunday, August 5th at the Miracle Theater in Inglewood.  Mel, Dawna, and Dustin are all nominated for Sci Fi awards for their work on Nemesis 5: The New Model.  Harley is also nominated in the Thriller category and so is his talented and stunning wife Kaiti. More info at http://lanfaa.com/ 

Voice actor, hostess, actress, comedian and fashion guru, it is safe to say that Vida has drive, ambition but is modest at her accomplishments. With a wry sarcastic humor she is very warm and inviting with no apprehension I could find. Polite and charming with passion for her family, friends and projects. She has been referenced as the "Persian Linda Blair" thanks to her work in Holy Terror and to be honest, it felt like stepping back in time. Watching the Exorcist for the first time. Keep your eyes peeled for Abeyance and Copperhead Creek in works now and keep watch of this rising star.

Yes, I will give a review on Holy Terror.

An Interview with Tommie Vegas

Okay, today I sit down with a young actress delving into Indie Horror, mainstream films, models, hostess and in general, a girl with a mission.  This is Tommie Vegas.

So here's a shocker (No, not the Urban Dictionary type, you pervs), I talked her ear off for nearly three hours.   I was introduced to the workings of this young lady through her director, John Ward of Axmas Trilogy as she is Tara alongside Sarah (Ashley Campbell of Frames of Fear 2, Axemas, Unwritten, Axemas 2: Blood Slay) and apparently Interstellar War as well.

So I see you have worked with Sci-fi, Sci-fi Fantasy director Albert Pyun in Sorcerers but also in The Introgation of Cheryl Cooper and now Interstellar War: Shadows of the Empire she is one to keep an eye on, my readers.

Fun lovin' criminal?

She and Shane Ryan (Revenge of the Samurai Cop, Check Please!, 60 Seconds to Die)did a full two 60 minute takes and had no breaks and only one rehearsal using multiple camera work focusing so astounding that it was all one take as it created. She was terrified and amazed at the take and the love for it. Try as I might to disprove it, this constant filming was so damn amazing and Tommie and Shane have a huge gambit of emotions. Yes, go see it.  Also, they will be both working on Interstellar War so that should be a fun experience.

Some of you know I was supposed to review this next film but I was so burned out on horror slasher genre, I took a pass. Well I gave it the viewing last night and found out that some of my fellow critics are a bit hypercritical for no damn good reason.

Party Night was the typical slasher genre of young teens off to party the night away at a cabin far away from the immediate town during Prom Night to screw, get drunk and have fun. I couldn't get why people were having such a problem with this film until I looked at it from a technical stand point because the cast was great.

So our lady of the hour likes a game for this flick. "How big does Tommie's hair get?" because of throughout the flick, the heat of Texas in July, you can see it expand and contract. I laughed because I thought I noticed that as well. Potential drinking game at Tommie's place! 

A night on the set of Party Night.

I was really impressed with the performances, the wound SFX for makeup and the lighting and sound was solid. I was expecting micro-budget skimping and cheapy Strawberry Quik but no so really didn't understand the problem. Turns out it was just the blocking and camera zooms in practice that needed some fine tuning and understanding. Tracking shots that didn't have a stabilizer on it and focus dropped a couple of times in the beginning but Heather Benson (Party Night, Captured and Stirring) the FX girl was amazing.

You and Laurel Toupal (Smart Marks, Death Rhymes with Orange and Party Night)just stood out from the rest of the troop. Mind you I wanted to put Billy Brannigan's character Travis feet first in an industrial shredder. Proof the kid could bring the goods in my humble opinion.

Also most of the guys reviewing these slasher flicks are forgetting what teenagers sound like. Most are in their 30s and 40s, so they are no longer bombarded by the tsunami waves of hormones, snap judgement and defensive nature. Relax old fellas and go have some Ensure.

Shot in Vegas with guerilla shooting (Next to no permits) Christ returns remade cybernetic, comes the underground cult following of Neil Breen (Double Down, I Am Here... Now, Fateful Findings and Pass Thru).  Now there are plenty of critics, fans and folks that cannot fathom this dude and let me just say, I'm one of them.  Still got to admire a guy that just throws himself into his own work.  I couldn't help but recognize a young girl near a pickup truck as Robo-Jesus preaches.

As a reviewer that films himself bashing or praising movies on YouTube, I have not a stone to throw but I just didn't get the guy.

Desperate to find a copy of The Trust, I found a dodgy Czechoslovakian site with about three different languages subtitled but it was the real deal.  Starring Elijah Wood and Nicolas Cage, two cops investigating a drug invasion stumble upon a mysterious bank vault.  Now because the copy I streamed was the foreign release, I wanted to make sure I didn't miss anything

A cut with The Trust in the region of Czech Republic has Tommie Vegas in the film but not in the US release. She fast forward and rewound and not in the American release. Need to send that site to her but again, dodgy as Hell.

A shave and a haircut gag goes horribly wrong.

Our fear of zombies is funny after the remake of Dawn of the Dead and it creeped Tommie but good for a few weeks and of course, I tell her my zombie walk issue.  FYI, don't watch zombie films if the irrational fear kicks in.  I went for a six pack of soda, boom 80 people in a zombie walk in my neighborhood.   I hid in the Walgreens until they passed.  I perused the movies until they were gone and ironically I think one of the titles I bought was a Romero dead flick.

Allergic to far too much of the desert but she soldiers on and who can't relate, right?

We'd both love to see her play Claire Redfield for Resident Evil reboot, so c'mon fans let's back her on that. Maybe we can snag Shane Ryan for Leon Kennedy.

"I am content with acting, it is my happy spot. I want to try meatier roles, so close but beaten by a better known actor from CW snatched up the role."   She's not bitter, gang.   She just bid on a part and didn't get it.  She picks herself up, dusts herself off and gets back in the ring for other things.

"It's difficult explaining acting to friends and family about acting. She kind of just fell into it. She was so shy and was placed into baby pageants, did gymnastics, dance and acting was just the next step. She simply became it and it her."  She got her break ten years ago and just works her ass off is what I got from this.

She is a workhorse.  Yesterday looking at new projects to audition for.  Not caring about what she is doing but she likes being busy.  So she has a photo shoot and then in to shooting for a few days.

"Once you're done, you have to wait on editing and it's a lull. You want something else to do.  People are confused, not understanding the process of onto the next new thing."

It comes with the industry as you are a commodity, not a person.

"Not a huge fan of the superhero movies, not my viewing pleasure.  I'd rather star in them. Psychological thrillers and horror that take you somewhere else. Something that takes you to another world, immerse yourself and give you a full experience".

"Sam Raimi's Spider-Man and Patty Jenkins' Wonder Woman were fun but look at that ten year gap.  There are so many of these films it is hard to keep up with it."  Trust me Tommie, if it wasn't my gig, I'd have a helluva time keeping up with them.

"I had to turn down quite a few projects but Inverted looked amazing it is very comfortable as you see what the main characters go through as you deal with the present and past, establishing life experiences. Explains who they are, what they are and why they were chosen for this."

"Crowdfunding isn't horrible but there are folks that take advantage of people. The money allocated just raised for Inverted, it's all invested in SFX, camera, actors, working crew to be ready."

"They want people to be invested financially and emotionally to not be ruining it with a spoiler in the trailer."

"We had character introductions, our filmography and interaction about donating and loving on the show.   Personally messaged friends and emails that are going to be able to work with and reach out to show what we are doing and events to show off what the project really meant."

"Heart and soul went into your project and the fans we got heart and soul back. If you don't believe in your project, why do it?"

She goes on to tell what her goals were in five years.  "I'm taking it as it comes. Looking into new projects for a couple hours every other day and then see what my schedules are. With the talent I am, I am just waiting to unload on the world. Every new offer is another way for me to share my range with the world." She went on to tell me about how she helped with a bit of casting and getting the word out for Inverted on social media and sounded genuinely proud of the hard work that was done every day plugging the film, plugging the contacts and the project.

 "It is my hard work that is my strength but within the project. I know the script back and forth. I am prepared, ready to go.  I even know my fellow actors' lines.  Folks are talking and meeting and I am in the script to work.   Next week, I am shooting five pages and I have to work an accent and be introduced to the film viewers."

"Every job you go for, learn the script, filming, taking time to bring the emotional range, how they speak, upload and edit for an audition that you may not even get.  The next time you have two maybe three projects right then." 

Sassy in the Wasteland.

Albert Pyun is remastering his film while dealing with illnesses still doing it independent while his cast and crew has his back. This man is astonishing to me. Tommie's praise of what kind of director as well as man he is, makes me feel like I get to know his work and who he is even more.

I mean I got that from Cyborg oh so many years ago but alas, we are getting off subject. Back to the talented Ms. Vegas.

Casting couch is a big time no-no. Topless is not happening unless it has an artistic decency.

"A Skype encounter required me to be topless in that from a total stranger I did not know and just told them that was not going to happen."

Stereo-typically, he belittled with the nonsense of, "Well good luck in this industry, Honey." Yeah, this writer really wants to bury these kind of guys in the sand from the neck down, cover them in honey and unleash the fire ants.

So of course we had to ask the cliche' question, "What do you have to do to become an actor?"

Now keep in mind; Tommie is not plagued by this query, but it has been asked more than a few times and frankly I was impressed with her response.

"Expect rejection every time. Pour your heart and soul into every performance, every reading. Commit yourself to being this actor with every fiber of your being."

Guardians of the Galaxy

Welcome back readers. I realize that most of my writings have been either Horror or Sci-fi titles so I thought we could hunker down to a more popular franchise brought to us by Marvel Studios.

What do a hybrid, a genetically/cybernetically altered raccoon, a talking tree, the galaxy's deadliest assassin and a raged filled literal minded man have in common? Well not a whole lot.

This is Guardians of the Galaxy.

This Googles Map app sucks, Groot.

Our film opens with the beginnings of a young Peter Quill who loses his mother to cancer, is abducted by aliens and his mother's family never sees or hears of him again. Good call on the taking care of the boy after mom dies. Top notch.

More than 20 years have passed and the boy is an accomplished thief, con artist, trickster and roguishly handsome Star Lord (Chris Pratt of Parks and Recreation, Jurassic World, The Lego Movie, Lego Jurassic World, Lego Dimensions, The Magnificent Seven, Passengers and The Kid), a half human, half something else man who loves his 80s pop culture minutia that baffles the rest of the galaxy.

Contracted to steal a stone of unknown content or power from a remote,dead world. Quill decides to cut out his boss/father figure Yondu (Michael Rooker of Days of Thunder, JFK, Cliffhanger, Mallrats, The Replacement Killers, The Walking Dead and Call of the Dead) out of the deal, make enough scratch to flee from the Ravagers (Intergalactic crime syndicate) and be on his own.

Presenting my large, pulsating ball.

Decidedly pissed, Yondu puts a contract out on Quill and a talking tree and raccoon proceed to planet Xandar to capture Quill alive. Yeah a talking tree known as Groot (Vin Diesel of The Fast and the Furious, Pitch Black, Knockaround Guys, XXX, The Chronicles of Riddick, Fast & Furious and Avengers: Infinity War) and a raccoon with disconcertingly human like hands and unfeasibly large guns known as Rocket (Bradley Cooper of Failure to Launch, Alias, The Midnight Meat Train, The Hangover, The A-Team, Limitless and Avengers: Infinity War).

A group of religious zealots of the Kree empire want the stone too. Led by a fanatic lunatic known as Ronan the Accuser (Lee Pace of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies, The Program and Driven) loathes his own people striking a treaty with Xandar and will see the whole planet wiped out. Xandar not the Kree home world, Hala. Yes I am that big of a Marvel Comics geek fanboy. What of it??!!

Ronan's underlings were supposed to retrieve this all mighty Maguffin for one of Marvel's nastier villains, Thanos (played by Josh Brolin but not a huge part at this time so move on) and he even aided Ronan by offering his "adopted" daughters, the deadly assassin Gamora (Zoe Saldana of Avatar, Star Trek, The Losers, Star Trek Into Darkness, Out of the Furnance and Avengers: Infinity War) and cybernetically enhanced Nebula (Karen Gillan of Doctor Who, Occulus, In a Valley of Violence, The Circle and Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle), devious and crafty killer in her own right.

Gamora volunteers to acquire the stone and ends up running into Quill, Groot and Rocket.

Less than 12 hours in for their collective charges, the four offer to help one another to escape the Kiln, a Supermax prison full of the dregs of the universe. One such inmate last his wife and daughter to Ronan's crazed killing spree, Drax the Destroyer (Dave Bautista of WWE Smackdown, WWE Raw, The Man with the Iron Fists, L.A. Slasher, Heist, Marauders and Enter the Warriors Gate)

a literal minded warrior with strength levels of the Hulk and about the moral code of Wolverine.

The five of them escape from prison, nick their gear and head out into the big black for fortune and glory. No time for love, Doctor Jones.

Ronan, the Ravagers and most of the Nova Corps of Xandar are breathing down their necks while the choice must be made. A bunch of loners unite against a common enemy or get blasted into bits across the cold vacuum of space.

Okay first off, I absolutely love this flick. Aside from real fans of the comic book franchise, these characters are positively unknown to the average movie goers. Plus it is delivered is such a fashion, that you can instinctively have emotions for or against the characters. Clever writing, action, Sci-fi and still that comic book formula that fleshes out comic books to the silver screen is so wonderfully done here.

The casting really works and honestly, MCU's Star Lord has a superior backstory than his original comic book counterpart. Tragic yet brought him to adulthood (more or less) far better than his long winded, duller story arc of the comics.

Snaring the likes of Glenn Close, Benico Del Toro and Dijmon Hounsou for bit roles still brings life into these personas. Well crafted for all ages to watch, similar how George Lucas pulled off Star Wars: A New Hope, this film lends itself to easily a follow up movie in 2017.

And yes you should watch its sequel.

Deadliest of eye candy.

Public Domain Goodness: Planet of the Dinosaurs

Hey gang. I know it has been a while for a write up. Trying to create some video reviews and YouTube is...well currently having a few issues but we are not going to talk about that.

Instead I am going to find us some nice, safe public domain films I can review. Loosely translated, I am tired of copyright issues and placating to egos. Today's movie brings us the intrepid starship Odyssey crew forced to make an emergency landing on a planet that has a hostile environment.

This is Planet of the Dinosaurs.

Are you guys SuperTramp?  I'm a huge fan!

Director James K. Shea (Suburbia Confidential, The Scavengers a.k.a. The Grabbers and Planet of the Dinosaurs) had a vision. Spirit quest or just tripping balls on some peyote aside, it was still a vision.

Set way into the far time line of...yeah they never point that out but apparently they had a seventies revival look and slang to go along with it, this 1977 Sci-Fi wonder forces Captain Lee (actor and producer Louie Lawless of Manson, Shame, Shame on the Bixby Boys, Mind Games and Abducted II: The Reunion) to make an emergency landing on a planet near to Earth conditions. Apparently the engines had a MacGuffin drive and with no Scotty or Geordi to fix it, down they plummet. Much like the writing. (Again a MacGuffin is also known as a plot device depicting a goal, desired object, place or other such motivation)

As the ship sinks in the massive lake, our crew has to swim for shore. Of course the communications officer forgets the beacon, Bad Cindy! No wonder everyone prefers Marcia.

Yes I just pandered to the 50 plus crowd for a moment. Don't worry. More of those on it's way.

Cindy (Mary Appleseth of Slumber Party '57 and Planet of the Dinosaurs) has to strip down to her undies to swim back. Guess nudity clause issue but bikini lingerie is fine. She and Chuck (Chuck Pennington of Planet of the Dinosaurs) both go swimming for this huge metal clamshell camera case when Cindy is attacked by an aquatic creature and thus does her part to thin the cast out.

Oily T zones ahead, Captain Harry Reems!!!

A lot of complaints, ribs and comments made about this magnum opus of a movie. The biggest comment made about this movie is the uniform. The full body blue onesies with a white v pointing to everyone's crotch. Men and women alike. The officers' oneises were white with orange shoulder and neck line so not much better.

I realize they are fighting for their lives, struggling to find shelter, edible food and a means to communicate back to Earth but my God these uniforms are just making me laugh.

 Many pig folk complained the "Hot Asian Chick" or Derna (Derma Wylde of Partners in Crime, Wonder Woman TV show, The Killing of a Chinese Bookie) isn't nude in every scene.

Relax piggies, go see her in The Killing of a Chinese Bookie or Chained Heat. There, your problem of lack of flesh is solved. Your psyche, well that's not my department but seek help.

Still trying to decide if the menfolk of this crew look more like Starlight Vocal Band or Supertramp.

Debbie, you're supposed to be in the shot.  Whatever.

Captain Lee's extensive training in wildlife gave them the ability to produce fire, edible plants, rudimentary grain meals and my favorite, a crappy barrier made of some weak branches. YOU HAVE LASERS!!!! Saw down some trees, drag them up and start relearning making hemp rope!!!

Dear God I have seen snow forts that looked more durable. Now for me the best of the bunch is the fellow playing Jim.

Rugged and manly. (James Whitworth of Black Angels, Fandango, Emergency!, .357 magnum, The Rockford Files and The Hills Have Eyes) actually has a few acting credits so that was good.

First off, he looks a bit like George Eastman from Absurd, Warriors of the Wasteland, 2019: After the Fall of New York and Stagefright.

Rocking that Andy Gibb beard and has enough muscle to be a decent linebacker. Secondly, he is Jupiter from the original Wes Craven's The Hills Have Eyes so he has an alpha male fear factor working for him.

Throughout "rest periods" and general padding of the film, this troupe of morons managed to misplace a blaster, drop one and lose party members by simply not using their coconut for something other than keeping a hat on it. NO ONE is wearing any hats. Or sunscreen, that could be dangerous and bad for the complexion.

A T-Rex roams the area killing the planet eaters and subjugating terror across the desert and plains.

Lee tells everyone to get to high ground so he cannot pursue them. Or LASERS!!!!! Meat for days!

Well in the end, this is a film with a substantially low budget, less than trained actors, some really good scale stop motion animation for the dinosaurs and the ambition was there. It just fell short of grace due to so much walking and forced dialogue, bad blocking so not all the "actors" are in scene, not much story to begin with and the characters were more wooden than Big Sur.

That being said, watch the RiffTrax version and laugh your ass off. God I wish I saw this flick prior with their jokes. My comments throughout the movie consisted of, "So are they all dead yet? No? How much longer?"

Dragging pace ends at 84 minutes, thanks to rest periods and in general, a decent story could have been made. Months of roughing it, their senses improve, instincts take over and find the life they lead prior was soft and weak. Alas, that is not this film. If you need a drinking game, grab this flick. If you need a nap, grab this flick. If you need a complex, compelling story with good arc, motives, characters developed and fleshed out. Grab a better movie.

Creature Features Extravaganza: Missile to the Moon

Welcome back to the blog, girls and boys! So last week was me editing the crap out of two movie review videos. The links are up if you want to see them. This week I was looking at a wide range of creature features and thought we could enjoy those. And by "we" I mean me sitting through some of these turds, giving a humorous take on them and you enjoying the write up. This time around we hit a black & white from 1958.  With action, drama, scintillating dialogue...won't be in it.   But how about a mad scientist, two cons on the run and a rocket scheduled to go to the moon?  This is Missile to the Moon.

Sorority sisters rat out Cindy for stuffing her bra.

With director Richard Cunha (She Demons, Giant from the Unknown, Frankenstein's Daughter, Girl in Room 13 and When Strangers Meet)at the helm, what could possibly be to mock at?

For starters not only does this film feel like Catwomen of the Moon it actually has some of the props from it.

For more than 10 years, building and perfecting it, Dr. Dirk Green (MichaelWhalen of Wee Willie Winkie, The Poor Little Rich Girl, The Phantom from 10,000 Leagues, The Dawn Express, My Three Sons and Sea Hunt) has been working with pre-NASA and the government to build better, superior rockets all the while, building his own rocket as well. Like in his backyard in Utah. No, that was not a joke. The colonel of this mission along with Dirk's assistant Steve (Richard Travis of The Man Who Came to Dinner, Mesa of the Lost Women, Cyborg 2087, Lassie, The Legend of Jesse James and Grand Jury) meet with the good doctor with a face-to-face on the news that the funding for his exploration dreams are getting pulled. Guess you don't want to drop that big of a bomb over the phone.

Hold me closer, tiny Colonel.

Arriving as a retirement dinner, Steve and his fiancee June (Cathy Downs of My Darling Clementine, The Amazing Colossal Man, Perry Mason, Surfside 6, Rawhide and Bat Masterson) feel booze and the dullest conversation possible will ease the tension. The tension that is so thick a f*cking lightsaber couldn't cut through it.   Meanwhile two cons have escaped the hoosegow and are looking for a place to hide on the lam.  Naturally Dirk's SPACESHIP isn't guarded, locked up or even inaccessible so those two thinking it was, I don't know maybe a tree fort hide there. Allegedly has an electric fence around it.  Still love they pull back the curtain to Dirk's pad and boom there's the rocket. So adequate engines, fuel, pounds per thrust and no shielding I saw, yeah his house will catch fire the moment of launch. Totally feasible.

With such craftsmanship one could hardly conclude it is a wooden rocket super imposed on a backdrop. Bet you also didn't know that most spaceships have lots of pegboard and flimsy restraints for car batteries as a means of additional electrics. Yeah me either. 

It's clobberin' time!

The sheriff in hot pursuit of these escaped crooks, just asks Dirk if he can look around his pad and is very noncommittal about the giant rocket in his backyard. I mean he had to have attempted some test flights, right? Calculations and preliminary gauging aside, what about the noise and racket of building the damn thing, prepping a launch platform...you know what? Fine, it is totally feasible. What the hell kind of permits would you need for that??!!!

Dirk looks up in the rocket spotting the two hoods and tells the sheriff no one is around. He bribes them with sandwiches, fruits and a few Cokes then tells them they are going into space whether they like it or not. Yeah Green couldn't build a one man rocket so why not make use of these young punks.

Steve and June start looking for Dirk when the pre-flight computer starts blaring, so they go TOWARDS THE BLAST ZONE!!!

Accidentally stowing away, regardless of extra weight, oxygen, fuel and....sorry sorry. TOTALLY FEASIBLE... The five of them are off to the moon. Thankfully they had just enough spacesuits, masks and O2 tanks at the ready. Funny how the moon looks an awful like region for the Vasquez Rocks and of course off to Griffith Park via the Bronson Canyon and the damn caves!!! Why not the 40 Acres in Culver City??!!

Dirk dies from car battery bonking him on the noodle and with his dying words to Steve he hands him this amulet McGuffin to assure them passage. The foolish foursome go and explore with guns. With scrub brush and cacti!!! Dreaded creatures composed of rock proceed to...walk very slowly but threatening our landing party so they proceed to try and drill them...with combustion pistols that has no atmosphere at all. A vacuum one might say. TOTALLY FEASIBLE!!!

Narrowly escaping the incredibly slow moving creatures our heroes head for the caves. Deep in this labyrinth of bat poop is an oxygenated area of the moon inhabited only by women. Con 1 and 2 start falling for the moon girls almost immediately. That's called being horny.

We need about 4,000 gallons of peppermint oil STAT!!!

So the queen mucky muck wants her space broads shipped to Earth and save their culture, blah blah blah. Oh did I mention diamonds just plentiful on the moon? Solves NASA's budget right there. Methinks Armstrong skipped that detail. Con 2 wants the diamonds and makes creeper eyes at all the girls. Seriously, this cat is a thug. This was shot in the seventies it would be Space exploration exploitation and his character would have raped more than half of the girls.

The plot is more thinly veiled than the moon girls, its subplots go really nowhere and ultimately no goal aside from get back home is even made. Also the killer spider puppet in this bit of nonsense is leftover from the 1955 Tarantula.

So good vs evil, Earth Men made mindless by hormones. Yeah there is no real redeeming value to this flick at all. An upside is Rifftrax via Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett of Mystery Science Theater 3000 made it bearable to watch and the riffs are damn funny.

Hey Lonnie, your balls hurt with your pants hiked up too?

Random Movie: Escape from the Planet of the Apes

Hey folks. Trying to juggle every component of Rotten Reelz has been a bit trying. I am awaiting some much needed funding for riffs, audio reviews and the standard write-up which has been neglected at this time. So today we trapse back into a Sci-Fi movie series we have not touched base in a while. A series revolving around the stories and histories of future, present and past. We come back to those damn dirty apes. This is Escape from the Planet of the Apes.

I swear woman, you listen to me before I fling poo!

Now as many of you that have seen the sequel, Beneath the Planet of the Apes, you know the Earth was blasted into a million pieces courtesy of an the end all nuclear warhead aimed at the Earth's core. So how the hell do you continue a film after that? Why you go back in the past. Yup using a slingshot maneuver around the sun, (That old chestnut) three astronauts using Colonel Taylor's crashed ship they set back to Earth.

Now right off the bat, people have problems with this story. What did they use for a launch platform? When did they pull the ship from the waters? How did they have the technological skill, equipment and tools to get it back into working order? So on, so on. Suspend disbelief and suck it up!

Man the body odor on this kid.

With behavioral psychologist, Dr. Zira (Kim Hunter of A Streetcar Named Desire, Police Story, Love, American Style, Young Dr. Kildare, Planet of the Apes and Beneath the Planet of the Apes), archeologist Dr. Cornelius (Roddy McDowell of The Felony Squad, Planet of the Apes, 5 Card Stud, Night Gallery, A Taste of Evil, The Poseidon Adventure, The Legend of Hell House, Fright Night and Batman The Animated Series) and and physicist Professor Milo (Sal Mineo of Rebel Without a Cause, Giant, Exodus, Police Story, S.W.A.T., Harry-O and Ellery Queen Mysteries) somehow escaped before the planet was obliterated and landed in the year 1971.  With the Vietnam war on, pollution and capitalism hand in hand and Civil Rights movement dragging its feet, three intelligent apes have arrived and in Taylor's ship after it had only been 10 years since its departure.

The three transported to the Los Angeles Zoo and kept under observation by Dr. Stephanie Branton (Natalie Trundy of 77 Sunset Strip, Perry Mason, The Felony Squad, Beneath the Planet of the Apes, Escape from the Planet of the Apes, Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, A Great American Tragedy and Huckleberry Fin) and Dr. Lewis Dixon (Bradford Dillman of The Way We Were, The Enforcer, Sudden Impact, Piranha, Man Outside and Hotel) in order to see what makes them tick. None of the apes exhibit intelligence nor the power of speech so they can't be poked, prodded or examined...gee not unlike what they did to Taylor. Now they are in a society that views them as freaks perhaps. Karma, she's a vicious bitch.

Hoop after hoop, the scientists can't seem to get anything out of Zira and Cornelius aside from simple puzzle solving and Zira announce she detests bananas.

That night Professor Milo is trying to calm everyone but is attacked through the bars by a mountain silverback snapping his little bones...the ones he needs to survive.

Yeesh more enemas if we don't swallow the pills.

Branton and Dixon head to the Presidential Commission to explain Zira and Cornelius' standings on how they got a hold of Taylor's ship, his present whereabouts and so on and so forth.

With a bit of good press our two chimpanzees are given a bit of luxury and trying to find their place in their new world. Meanwhile Scientific Advisor Dr. Otto Hasslein (Eric Braeden of Colossus: The Forbin Project, Rat Patrol, Lady Ice, Owen Marshall, Counselor at Law, The Power Within, Hagen, Charlie's Angels and Titanic) feels the apes are a security risk and removing them from the equation could be the very thing necessary for human survival. With nothing more than some hypothesis and a drunken confession on Zira's part of the dissection of human brains, even the President considers them a threat.

Unaware of this plot, Cornelius and Zira are living it up and also meet with a circus performer/owner Armando (Ricardo Montalban of Space Seed, The Train Robbers, Wonder Woman, The Mark of Zorro, Joe Panther, Police Story, Fantasy Island, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan and Spy Kids 3: Game Over) as Zira births her little bun in the oven naming him Milo after their lost colleague.

Zira and Cornelius are on the run with issues for them dead or alive but little Milo stays behind with Armando.

Are they now public enemy number one? Castro getting a free pass? Have you ever seen such a disregard for firearm safety ever?

They established in the first two movies that Taylor and company as well as Brent's crew came through a natural phenomenon of a temporal portal in space warped them through, ending up in the future so who's to say a doorway does not work the opposite route? Wibbly Wobbly, people.

What's clever about this film is showing a mirror response to humanity having issues with intelligent apes able to think, express and confer with others. They undergo everything Taylor did in the first movie and making it a brilliant parallel to how they mistreated their underdeveloped humans out of fear also allows humans to question their own morality, codes of conduct and whether or not their very souls are in the good.

With a 2.5 million budget, this film has some good humor, dramatic moments and some questions raised about our own humanity. The third of its collection but making it no less impressive.

Ach!  Ze German!