Endgame

 Howdy boys and girls! Well September is here...Um less heat? With that in mind I felt a need. For Speed? Nah I have a need for some post-apocalyptic goofiness from Italy. Yes when you need a bizarre and over the top post-apocalypse, you go to Italy every time. A mutant needs the aid of a TV game show Gladiator (Nitro?) to help lead her band of mutants to a safe harbor. This is Endgame. 

 

Post-apocalyptic power couple..

 

 

 

 

 

Brought to us by exploitation and mock-buster director Joe D' Amato (Anthroopophagus, Erotic Nights of the Living Dead, Porno Holocaust, Absurd a.k.a. Zombi 8, Ator, the Fighting Eagle, Cave Dwellers, 2020 Texas Gladiators and Zombie 5: Killing Birds) and served with a smile, we catch up with the world post World War III. Um is that the Star Trek Eugenics Wars? The Apes taking over the planet? Man, this alternative futures are hard to keep track of.

Opening credits sequence just sounds like someone bored and noodling around with Casio keyboard. Sorry but first gripe kicked in already. Lot of mushroom cloud footage to signify the end of days. The year is 2025 (saaaay, that's not too far away) and humanity has been bombarded with nuclear radiation, the towns and cities are wastelands and some semblance of order has been established. The big source of entertainment are the gladiators (cue Running Man theme), as they slaughter one another for the spectators' viewing pleasure. So, reality TV just got a bit darker. Endgame was founded in 2012 (don't remember that but I don't follow much TV) and the zones change as they have participants around the world. A simple televised Hunter vs Prey and the clock is running for 12 hours, so our athletes better not have skipped cardio or leg day.

 

Umbrella Company's Hunks?!

 

 

 

 

 

Moving on, the rat population haven't been altered other than feeding on human cadavers, these may be the same rats from Bruno Mattei's Rats: Night of Terror. They do get best Italian knock-off top-billing. A gaggle of storm troopers (A passel? A herd? A scourge?) in decked out in black gas masks, helmets and a leather ensemble that was faaaabulous!! Of course those German MP40 made by Steyr Arms might keep most folk at bay.

FUN FACT! MP38s were some of the first German sub-machine guns during WWII and yet somehow their successors survived WWIII??? Yeah I am just as baffled as you are now, folks. They're searching the catacombs and burnt building for telepaths and other such mutants...so they can kill them. Probably because they're the baddies. Still they are fabulously dressed in spite of their gauche behavior. Love they have this weird hybrid of a gig-counter and Ghostbusters EKG. Oh no, Xavier gave them a portable Cerebro!!! SELLOUT!!

 

Butch fella, ain't he?

 

 

 

 

 

Resident Wasteland Champion of Endgame...Ron Shannon (Al Cliver of Black Emmanuelle, White Emmanuelle,Zombi 2, Rulers of the City, Apache Woman, Blazing Flowers, Devil Hunter, The Black Cat, 2020 Texas Gladiators, Touch of Death and The New Gladiators). Yeah I gotta pause right there. Savior of the future mutants is named...Ron. Lacks the gravitas of Professor Xavier. Well he is the best at what he does and what he does ain't pretty. (Where have I read that? Oh well.) Shannon and "Ninja" (Hal Yamanouchi of The Humanoid, Gardenia, I'm Photogenic, The Last Hunter, Hearts and Armour, Sing Sing, Endgame The Lone Runner and Under the Chinese Restaurant) a fellow gladiator have been recruited by Lilith (the forever gorgeous Laura Gemser of Black Emanuelle, Emanuelle in Bangkok, Black Cobra Woman, Voyage of the Damned, Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals, Sister Emanuelle and Emanuelle and the White Slave Trade) to assist her and a gathering of mutants to a safe place free of the cruelty of humanity.

Good luck avoiding all of humanity! Granted the population has gone down due to nuclear holocaust, you're still going to need trade, commerce, bartering and farming. Not to mention if the radiation effected insect life like in Damnation Alley, yer gettin' giant bugs! 

 Lilith pleads for Shannon's help for not just her sake or the mutants, but maybe to give Shannon something other than blood rending slaughter. Peace of mind perhaps.

A few notes of interest, officially sponsoring the Endgame is Life/Plus. Increases muscle fibers and sexual prowess. Yup ,Boner Biscuits. Sorry if I spoiled that for you but when we have been subjected to 25 years of boner pills and aphrodisaics as a paid for advertisements, it didn't seem that off putting. Plus Yosamite Sam has something else to scream when things go awry. Aw, boner biscuits!

Wanting Shannon's head on a pig pole for the world to see is Kurt Karnak (Writer/actor George Eastman of Django Shoots First, The Cobra, Django Kills Softly, Baba Yaga, Anthropophagus, Porno Holocaust, 1990: The Bronx Warriors, Absurd, 2019: After the Fall of New York, Hands of Steel, Blastfighter and The Barbarians), a dude who I am convinced between his Kenny Loggins' good looks and the snarling drool foaming on his face, homie may O.D. On Life/Plus Boner Biscuits. It is hard for me to take the hunters serious when their war paint looks like Bowie's glam rock era or the Kiss Army of the Apocalypse, "Oh Hell, Tim. Let's run! Ziggy Stardust is back on our trail!" A sentence uttered by no man...ever.

As Shannon is listed as prey this game, he is doing everything to sway the hunters. False trails, hidden traps and straight-up ambush attacks. While the general populous is glued to Not Deathrace 2000, the government is meeting secretly to plot and exterminate (EXTERMINATE!!!) the mutant community buuut no big, hulking sentinels. Just the previous kill squads in their fabulous leather numbers. Also according to these heads of...state or county, the community viewing the show is no more than 5 million people. Um, aren't there close to 7 billion living on this planet right now?!!

Math is not my strong suit but that would mean more than 1 billion, 1 hundred thousand were wiped out in the initial bombing alone. Add nuclear winter, starvation, inadequate irrigation, no healthcare and less food means almost 3 billion starved or killed one another.

Back to the film, Lilith and Shannon start trying to come to terms with each of their life choices, and while Lilith is by far the more noble of the two, we are seeing Shannon finally believe in something other than himself. The karate chop of death Shannon keeps using was cracking me up. I guess they were going for Dim Mak or Touch of Death if you prefer. The facial expressions the guys chose though. Yeesh. One guy looked like he climaxed...IN HIS PANTS!!! Shannon puts together a team of mercs with promise of two pounds of gold as payment if they can help transport the mutants 200 miles in the badlands.

Yes lady readers, there's a rape scene in Act 2 buuut it isn't a ton of nudity. The dialogue used was pretty foolish but again I always feel I have to warn readers of such if you feel the need to watch the movie in question.

With a Joe D' Amato film, expect over the top dialogue delivery, fight and gun fight scenes (the exception being the Sci-Fi Fantasy films), a handful of sexual content (See what I did there?) and story about the human condition.

Is this a brilliant movie? No. Is it a bad movie? Not really. Feels more like a lazy Saturday flick for the fellas and maybe some violence enthusiastic ladies. Overall, the film keeps to the Post-Apocalypse route of the end of civilization, humanity rearing its head back into the world full of devastation and how they overcome those desperate odds. 

 

Okay, I think the writer is giving us crap.

 

 

Blastfighter

So back again. Thought this time we would head back into exploitation. This time around we hit Italian Action under the helm of Lamberto Bava (Devil Fish, Demoms, You'll Die at Midnight, Demons 2, Delirium and Turno di notte) Son of cinematographer/director Mario Bava (also known as the Godfather of Giallo movies). Today's film follows a revenge story of a ex-cop going to completely sick house on the men that wronged him. This is Blastfighter a.k.a. Force of Vengeance.

Pew!  Pew pew pew!!

Former officer Jake "Tiger" Sharp (Michael Sopkiw of 2019: After the Fall of New York, Devil Fish, Blastfighter, Massacre in Dinosaur Valley and Bad Dog and Superhero) has been released from prison after murdering his wife's murderer. 7 years served and Jake is sprung. FYI, the credits are bonkers. They shift all over screen during stoic no conversation car ride. His buddy Jerry hands an ex-con a Smith & Wesson .357 Magnum and Spas 12 shotgun. Um not sure if Italy is as severe as the states are with allowing violent ex-cons with firearms but it is a big no-no stateside.

US wise, this shotgun became infamous or deemed cool in Sci-Fi/Action thanks to the 1984 James Cameron film, The Terminator during the police station massacre. To follow-up the pump action or semi auto shotgun, this thing has been equipped to launch mini rockets, dragon's breath (magnesium phosphate rounds), rubber loads, AP (armor piercing) and standard 12 gauge double ought. WHAT THE HELL??!!!

That's far enough, Three Dog Night!

Contemplating bloody murder for the attorney that sent up the river, Jake has a last minute change of heart to pass on being sent back and gives in to the idea to make his way to the Appalachian mountains. Fun tidbit, no follow-up to the whole revenge on the attorney subplot. Yeah! Just dropped like a steamy elephant turd and on his way. Blastfighter! The Waffler!

Perhaps the fresh air and cabin life in the wilderness might calm his urge to kill. Unless his porridge is just right then at least three bears will bust in the door, eat his porridge, crap on his floor and mock him profusely.

The composition sounded so familiar and that's when it hit me. Gotta be Fabio Frizzi (Godzilla, Zombi, Contraband, City of the Living Dead, The Beyond, Manhattan Baby, Pieces, The Scorpion with Two Tails, Devil Fish, and Tentazione) the go-to composer for Lucio Fulci, Bruno Mattei, Lamberto Bava and Claudio Fragasso. So that's a good thing...I think.

Getting back to our story you'd think being 7 years in the jug would have sent him woman chasing for at least a solid week. Again, just my realm of thinking if I had to go without sex (not excluding attempted bad touch in the prison shower) with a girl.

Hey, that's not Bronson!

Stocking up on supplies at a general store, I swear Jake passed a grown up version of the banjo playing hillbilly kid from Deliverance. Hoyt Pollard that is.

Attempting to make some semblance of a normal life, Jake has his very strained daughter Connie (Valentina Forte a.k.a.Valerie Blake of Cut and Run, Body Count, Arrivederci Roma, A Wonderful Family, Il giardino dei ciliegi, Mi manca Marcella and I ragazzi del muretto) come and visit him. Seriously man from one Jake to another; invite some girls out and burn off some...aggression?

Well as man plans, the gods do laugh because trouble is up on the ridge as Jake's deer get shot and taken. These inbred hillbillies threatened his life and told him off. Another fine example of civilized men. They have bagged at least 8 deer which any ranger worth his salt is giving them so many citations it's going to cost them into the thousands.

Jake gets hip to a Hong Kong poaching ring that uses the parts for Chinese herb remedies and are cleaning up. Didn't realize powdered deer penis went that great but folks got allergies.

Naturally hillbilly gun nuts are considerate to Jake's feelings, family life and overall health. Oh wait, no they are not.

Feeling like a mixture of Death Wish and Straw Dogs, Jake has his hands full with some poachers that just got to prove their might by popping deer. As if that wasn't enough, the leader of the poacher ring, Tom (George Eastman of Anthrophagus, Absurd, Cannibal Holocaust, 2019: The Fall of New York, Warriors of the Wasteland and 2020 Gladiators) who looks like a hybrid of Kenny Loggins and Nick Nolte is the man with the plan. Yup the crap hit the fan and it was on high.

Following the tropes of the vengeful ex-cop getting revenge and it feels like the film is just building up and counting down the seconds for the bloody rampage to happen. The thing is Tom and Jake were childhood buddies long ago and Tom really doesn't want to have to deal with Jake in the final sense.

Between the eco-system destruction, the high deer kill counts and impending bloody rampage to ensue, this actually is a decent flick. The pace is even and not as slow as I thought it would be. The only gripe I have had was the English dubbing. The translation from Italian to English is awful with swearing. I mean the poachers first meet Jake, tell him to f*ck off and turn their backs on the guy armed with a semiautomatic shotgun. He could have smoked all three before they could have spun around and leveled the rifles. 

 A quick spoiler, yes lady readers there is a rape subplot once again.  Sorry.  I could have done without it too, but I thought you should know.  In case you went to go watch it.

During the erstwhile vigilante justice, this film makes you know that it is making an eco plea. Think of it as a precursor to On Deadly Ground, a decade before. It was actually a fairly compelling story and has some solid action, so overall was a good action movie.

Maybe it's a telephoto lens?