Endgame

 Howdy boys and girls! Well September is here...Um less heat? With that in mind I felt a need. For Speed? Nah I have a need for some post-apocalyptic goofiness from Italy. Yes when you need a bizarre and over the top post-apocalypse, you go to Italy every time. A mutant needs the aid of a TV game show Gladiator (Nitro?) to help lead her band of mutants to a safe harbor. This is Endgame. 

 

Post-apocalyptic power couple..

 

 

 

 

 

Brought to us by exploitation and mock-buster director Joe D' Amato (Anthroopophagus, Erotic Nights of the Living Dead, Porno Holocaust, Absurd a.k.a. Zombi 8, Ator, the Fighting Eagle, Cave Dwellers, 2020 Texas Gladiators and Zombie 5: Killing Birds) and served with a smile, we catch up with the world post World War III. Um is that the Star Trek Eugenics Wars? The Apes taking over the planet? Man, this alternative futures are hard to keep track of.

Opening credits sequence just sounds like someone bored and noodling around with Casio keyboard. Sorry but first gripe kicked in already. Lot of mushroom cloud footage to signify the end of days. The year is 2025 (saaaay, that's not too far away) and humanity has been bombarded with nuclear radiation, the towns and cities are wastelands and some semblance of order has been established. The big source of entertainment are the gladiators (cue Running Man theme), as they slaughter one another for the spectators' viewing pleasure. So, reality TV just got a bit darker. Endgame was founded in 2012 (don't remember that but I don't follow much TV) and the zones change as they have participants around the world. A simple televised Hunter vs Prey and the clock is running for 12 hours, so our athletes better not have skipped cardio or leg day.

 

Umbrella Company's Hunks?!

 

 

 

 

 

Moving on, the rat population haven't been altered other than feeding on human cadavers, these may be the same rats from Bruno Mattei's Rats: Night of Terror. They do get best Italian knock-off top-billing. A gaggle of storm troopers (A passel? A herd? A scourge?) in decked out in black gas masks, helmets and a leather ensemble that was faaaabulous!! Of course those German MP40 made by Steyr Arms might keep most folk at bay.

FUN FACT! MP38s were some of the first German sub-machine guns during WWII and yet somehow their successors survived WWIII??? Yeah I am just as baffled as you are now, folks. They're searching the catacombs and burnt building for telepaths and other such mutants...so they can kill them. Probably because they're the baddies. Still they are fabulously dressed in spite of their gauche behavior. Love they have this weird hybrid of a gig-counter and Ghostbusters EKG. Oh no, Xavier gave them a portable Cerebro!!! SELLOUT!!

 

Butch fella, ain't he?

 

 

 

 

 

Resident Wasteland Champion of Endgame...Ron Shannon (Al Cliver of Black Emmanuelle, White Emmanuelle,Zombi 2, Rulers of the City, Apache Woman, Blazing Flowers, Devil Hunter, The Black Cat, 2020 Texas Gladiators, Touch of Death and The New Gladiators). Yeah I gotta pause right there. Savior of the future mutants is named...Ron. Lacks the gravitas of Professor Xavier. Well he is the best at what he does and what he does ain't pretty. (Where have I read that? Oh well.) Shannon and "Ninja" (Hal Yamanouchi of The Humanoid, Gardenia, I'm Photogenic, The Last Hunter, Hearts and Armour, Sing Sing, Endgame The Lone Runner and Under the Chinese Restaurant) a fellow gladiator have been recruited by Lilith (the forever gorgeous Laura Gemser of Black Emanuelle, Emanuelle in Bangkok, Black Cobra Woman, Voyage of the Damned, Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals, Sister Emanuelle and Emanuelle and the White Slave Trade) to assist her and a gathering of mutants to a safe place free of the cruelty of humanity.

Good luck avoiding all of humanity! Granted the population has gone down due to nuclear holocaust, you're still going to need trade, commerce, bartering and farming. Not to mention if the radiation effected insect life like in Damnation Alley, yer gettin' giant bugs! 

 Lilith pleads for Shannon's help for not just her sake or the mutants, but maybe to give Shannon something other than blood rending slaughter. Peace of mind perhaps.

A few notes of interest, officially sponsoring the Endgame is Life/Plus. Increases muscle fibers and sexual prowess. Yup ,Boner Biscuits. Sorry if I spoiled that for you but when we have been subjected to 25 years of boner pills and aphrodisaics as a paid for advertisements, it didn't seem that off putting. Plus Yosamite Sam has something else to scream when things go awry. Aw, boner biscuits!

Wanting Shannon's head on a pig pole for the world to see is Kurt Karnak (Writer/actor George Eastman of Django Shoots First, The Cobra, Django Kills Softly, Baba Yaga, Anthropophagus, Porno Holocaust, 1990: The Bronx Warriors, Absurd, 2019: After the Fall of New York, Hands of Steel, Blastfighter and The Barbarians), a dude who I am convinced between his Kenny Loggins' good looks and the snarling drool foaming on his face, homie may O.D. On Life/Plus Boner Biscuits. It is hard for me to take the hunters serious when their war paint looks like Bowie's glam rock era or the Kiss Army of the Apocalypse, "Oh Hell, Tim. Let's run! Ziggy Stardust is back on our trail!" A sentence uttered by no man...ever.

As Shannon is listed as prey this game, he is doing everything to sway the hunters. False trails, hidden traps and straight-up ambush attacks. While the general populous is glued to Not Deathrace 2000, the government is meeting secretly to plot and exterminate (EXTERMINATE!!!) the mutant community buuut no big, hulking sentinels. Just the previous kill squads in their fabulous leather numbers. Also according to these heads of...state or county, the community viewing the show is no more than 5 million people. Um, aren't there close to 7 billion living on this planet right now?!!

Math is not my strong suit but that would mean more than 1 billion, 1 hundred thousand were wiped out in the initial bombing alone. Add nuclear winter, starvation, inadequate irrigation, no healthcare and less food means almost 3 billion starved or killed one another.

Back to the film, Lilith and Shannon start trying to come to terms with each of their life choices, and while Lilith is by far the more noble of the two, we are seeing Shannon finally believe in something other than himself. The karate chop of death Shannon keeps using was cracking me up. I guess they were going for Dim Mak or Touch of Death if you prefer. The facial expressions the guys chose though. Yeesh. One guy looked like he climaxed...IN HIS PANTS!!! Shannon puts together a team of mercs with promise of two pounds of gold as payment if they can help transport the mutants 200 miles in the badlands.

Yes lady readers, there's a rape scene in Act 2 buuut it isn't a ton of nudity. The dialogue used was pretty foolish but again I always feel I have to warn readers of such if you feel the need to watch the movie in question.

With a Joe D' Amato film, expect over the top dialogue delivery, fight and gun fight scenes (the exception being the Sci-Fi Fantasy films), a handful of sexual content (See what I did there?) and story about the human condition.

Is this a brilliant movie? No. Is it a bad movie? Not really. Feels more like a lazy Saturday flick for the fellas and maybe some violence enthusiastic ladies. Overall, the film keeps to the Post-Apocalypse route of the end of civilization, humanity rearing its head back into the world full of devastation and how they overcome those desperate odds. 

 

Okay, I think the writer is giving us crap.

 

 

Post Apocalyptia Italianio: 2020 Texas Gladiators

Hey all! Welcome back for Day 3 of Post Apocalyptia Italianio. Well I am finally done it. Thanks to the former horrors of epinions, I purposely am watching a Joe D' Amato film. Who you may ask? Okay, just pretend you asked because I sit through some really crappy flicks for your reading and listening pleasure! Why, writer/director/producer such scintilating picturesque pleasures like: (God Is My Colt .45, Heroes in Hell, Black Cobra Woman, Emanuelle in Bangkok, Sexy Nights of the Living Dead, Antropophagus, Porno Holocaust, Ator, the Fighting Eagle, The Blade Master a.k.a. Cave Dwellers and of course Gangland Bangers) and today he has his fingers deep within... post-apocalypse. Sheesh, pervs. This is 2020 Texas Gladiators.

They drew First Blood, not me.

So minute in and we have some collective of sweaty shirtless guys stealthily killing off a bunch of mud crusted crazed college kids in order to save a girl, nun and a priest. Turns out this team is actually coordinating as a whole. Team leader Nisus (Al Cliver of Black Emmanuelle White Emmanuelle, Rulers of the City, Zombi, Devil Hunter, The Black Cat, The Beyond, 2020 Texas Gladiators and Endgame- Bronx lotta finale), Halakron (Peter Hooten of Sunburst, A Woman for All Men, Orca, The Inglorious Bastards, The Fifth Commandment, Dr. Strange TV movie, The Soldier, Brothers in Blood and House of Blood) pretty boy Catch Dog (Daniel Stephen of 2020 Texas Gladiators, Warrior of the Lost World, War Bus, Three Supermen in Santo Domingo and The Inheritor) jokester Jab (Harrison Muller of 2020 Texas Gladiators, She, The Violent Breed and the Final Executioner) and Asian martial artist bad ass Red Wolfe (Hal Yamanouchi of Hunter of the Apocalypse. 2020 Texas Gladiators, 2019: After the Fall of New York, Phantom of Death, Robot Jox, The Way Back and The Wolverine).

Ugh, did I get shoehorned in as a love interest!?!

 So after the girl is being jumped, the priest has been crucified and the nun slashed her own throat, our boys spring into action. Bit uh, a bit slow there fellas. What happened? Damodar from Dungeons & Dragons was issuing orders with slow, precise clipped comments? Managing to save the girl, Catch Dog thinks he'll get some fun time but is almost immediately kicked in the ribs and sent out to leave the group. The girl Maida (Sabrina Siani of White Cannibal Queen, Daughter of the Jungle, Ator, the Fighting Eagle, The Throne of Fire and Black Cobra) after being almost savaged by Catch Dog, is dare I say a tad too trusting with Nisus's crew but agrees to show them her settlement of THE FUTURE... and apparently they just now live, work and breed in this settlement?? Seriously no explanation, fade to black wipe with a six months later tag or anything. They are just working on a chemical power plant and wear proper clothes again.

Carl, did you beef?

The chemical plant is laid siege with Catch Dog being a creepy henchman to The Black One... a bald white guy. See if it was the Dark One I could see he is malefic or heartless but naming a pasty white guy the Black One (Donald O' Brien of The Train, Run, Man, Run, Grand Prix, The Name of the Rose,Ghosthouse, Quest for the Mighty Sword a.k.a. Troll 4 and Frankenstein 2000) is a bit odd. His group of black clad Neo Nazis proceed to raise some hell and it is at this point, I just checked out. Mentally I was off in my own little warm oasis. Native Americans dispatching Neo Nazis which... was actually rather cool now I think about it, and yet at least 4 more implied or topless rape scenes. Exploitation goddesss Geretta Geretta (2020 Texas Gladiators, Warrior of the Lost World, Rats: Night of Terror, Demons, Buy & Cell, Shocking Dark a.k.a. The Terminator 2 and Sweets and Treats) does make an appearance but alas no speaking role.

No sooner did this composure sound familiar I ran to IMDB and beheld what had came to pass. Composer Carlo Maria Cordio (Absurd a.k.a. Zombie 6 Monster Hunter, Pieces, Ator, the Fighting Eagle, Endgame- Bronx lotta finale, The Lone Runner, Iron Warrior, Killing Birds a.k.a. Zombi 5- Killing Birds, Touch of Death, Shocking Dark a.k.a. The Terminator 2 and Midnight Ride) sythesizer magics, electric drums and electro funk sounds have graced my ears in some really trashy and tasteless flicks to which I thought, "Huh, well at least the soundtrack is good."

All in all, I was not a fan. There is next to no plot, the characters are not given enough time to develop as they are being wiped out left and right and the dubbing is probably so far off what the film was to be. Lifted Russian Roulette down to the lighting, tight zooms and attitude straight from the Deer Hunter. Things like continuity and proper transition, meh those just waste time. Hell I don't even have a proper timeline log. So yeah if you need your action/sci-fi post-apocalypse without any real effort, then folks you are in good hands. Usually a Joe D' Amato film offers some semblance of a story but not this turd waffle.

That's not Megaweapon!!!  BOOOOO!!!!

Barely Legal Zombie Sequel: Zombie 6: Monster Hunter

Okay we are back and...y'know you can send requests, ideas or even hints to both the page here and the Rotten Reelz Reviews page on Facebook. See, if I know what you would like reviewed rather than just winging it as I go, it could put out better material. Maybe there is a specific genre that captivates you so. Perhaps you have a TV show you cannot get enough of and feel you would like my input or is there a video game series I have not given a fair shake to. I WOULDN'T KNOW!!!

So please toss me a message or five and let me know what is actually interesting to you folk so I can accommodate you. Sadly, the only thing I have on the dockets in another Barely Legal Zombie Sequel. Hey! Speak up or this crap filters into the writing again. I will be doing audio reviews of said movies I have seen via YouTube so hope you enjoy those as well and no, my co-host via Rotten Ramblin' On won't have to be subjected to those flicks if he doesn't want them. This is Zombie 6: Monster Hunter.

Not sure I like my new barber.

Brought to use by Italian exploitation director Joe D' Amato ( Heroes in Hell, Emanuelle in Bangkok, Emanuelle in America, Anthropophagus, Beyond the Darkness, The Blade Master a.k.a. Cave Dwellers and House of Pleasure) We can almost immediately expect gore or some good old T&A floating about. This is the story of Mikos (George Eastman of 1990: The Bronx Warriors, Warriors of the Wasteland, Endgame, Hands of Steel and StageFright: Aquarius) a disturbed individual with a nasty notion of leaving a trail of bodies broken and bloody all the while not staying wounded. We will call him our zombie for the time being. There are no other candidates at this time to say otherwise. I'm looking at you, Helicopter prop zombie from Dawn of the Dead.

This is supposed to be a follow-up or sequel to Anthropophagus and given it has George Eastman and it is directed by D' Amato I guess that makes sense. Sure's hell makes more sense than calling it a sequel to Zombi. This film was released in 1981 under the official title of Absurd and I quite agree that calling this movie Zombie 6 is as absurd as Killing Birds made into Zombie 5. For crying out loud, there is at least 9 alternative titles in English alone and Killing Birds came out 6 years later after this title. Thank you Foreign post-production and redistribution!!! Thanks a heap!

AHH!!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!  AHH..oh wait it's a little boy.

So Mikos volunteered for an medical experiment that allows his body to regenerate rapidly from almost any wound (Insert Wolverine and Deadpool jokes here) but it also made him bat shit crazy in the process. Our liaison of exposition a priest played by the dean in Pieces (Edmund Purdom of Herod the Great, Sword of Freedom, Don't Open Till Christmas and Pieces) relies all this information in true Dr. Loomis style via Halloween. He hooks up with the local constable, Italian Sheriff Brackett and the two go of to Mikos as the only way to bring him down is a bullet to the head. Not sure how they came to that information during this secret experiment but fine. Most of the second act is revolving around this house with a girl recovering from a spinal operation (you thought I was going to say Spinal Tap), her nurse and bratty little brother Italian Tommy Doyle.

Now you might have noticed my references to John Carpenter's Halloween and well you would be right. We have a neigh-invulnerable killer, a priest rather than a shrink toting a gun and a clueless constable a'la Sheriff Brackett. If that wasn't enough the bratty kid get multiple Boogeyman comments in his dialogue and even the soundtrack sounds like a sped up version of Carpenter's theme music. Some of the kills are impressive as we see a table-saw through the head, a drill and even death by oven. Yeah, death by oven. It all feels like we skipped over Halloween and moved into Halloween II with the elaborate death scenes and no real coherent story arc.

The movie is professionally done with some great POV handheld, everyone is blocked well and even the dubbing is pretty spot on, I just would rather see the first two Halloweens rather than its conjoined twin via Italy.

Now you get back in that oven and clean it right this time!

Obscure Italian Horror: Beyond the Darkness

Okie dokie, I am back with the week called Obscure Italian Horror. Why this reference? Well I haven't received any new ideas so I found this flicks on the former Ban or Video Nasty list. How does that sound to me? Probably a world of pain and swallowing back vomit. This is Beyond the Darkness.

I sure hope my husband doesn't go nuts after my death.

Taxidermist Frank (Kieran Canter of Liebes Lager, Deep Thoughts, Erotic Flash, The Lonely Lady, The Rise of the Roman Empress, The Devil in Mr. Holmes and Una donna per tunni) seems to be an orphaned trust fund kid that like to work on exotic animals that may or may not be entirely legal but Italy is a bit leinent because...maybe he like the smell of dead animal in the morning. While moving a few dead critters, it is found out his wife Anna (Cinzia Monreale of Beyond the Darkness, Flatfoot on the Nile, The Beyond, The Sweet House of Horrors, Under the Skin and Dark Signal) is in the hospital at her literal deathbed. His housekeeper Iris (Franca Stoppi of Dog Lay Afternoon, Pasion, Guardian of Hell, Violence in a Woman's Prison, Women's Prison Massacre and La gorilla) blew off mentioning this to Frank as it slipped her mind... tee hee.

Frank rushes to the hospital in true slow motion allowed and arrives just in time as Anna is at her final moments. What does our grieving widower do? Why steals her body, stuff her full of sawdust in true Norman Bates fashion and keep her in the house obviously. It was about this time in the film I noticed that Frank might be a tad crackers but we all deal with loss differently. The healing process for Frank consists of picking up a random hitchhiker (Luica D' Elia of Take All of Me and Beyond the Darkness), letting her roam around his palatial pad and mutilating bit by bit then finishing off with an acid bath and having his housekeeper in the carnal sense???

Mmm, my love's heart is the tastiest!

Naturally this leads to picking up a jogger with a twisted ankle who looks like she just threw herself on the dirt. Guess the logic when like this: Hmm, that guy looks cute and maybe I will get in a nooner before work. Jogger girl (Anna Cardini of Tutto suo padre, Loggerheads, Delitto al ristorante cinese and Beyond Borders) by the by doesn't even have a name. Yup, three to five minutes of screen time and Frank is already attempting to plow her without any knowledge of who she is, does she have any hobbies, what her life goals are and so on. Proceeding said plowing on the bed of which still shares with his dead wife he bites out jogger girl's throat. Iris assists Frank in body disposal with a furnance...which begs the question, why didn't he dispose of the hitchhiker with this too? Oh right, he is kookier than a rat trapped in an outhouse.

The police actually noticed this girl's disappearance and is canvasing the area where she was last seen...around Frank's neighborhood...and Frank is twitchy. Nope, no clues here. Frank is visited by what he thinks is the ghost of Anna but no, she is her twin sister Elena. This clearly upsets Frank as his whacky new hobby of absconding strange women and killing them in bizarre fashions could be ruined so it is best to do her in too??

Iris preps the house for a party and randomly announces she and Frank are tying the knot and no one in the party could have looked more confused than Frank. So is this the weirdest flick by exploitation director Joe D' Amato (Porno Holocaust, Ator the Eagle, The Blade Master, Zombie 5: Killing Birds, The Hobgoblin and Deep Blood)? Will Frank lay low or will his blood lust rise again?

A few points of trivia. Yes the man that brought us this odd flick also created the Ator movies, one of which is also known as Cave Dwellers, the alternative title to The Blade Master. Today's film consists of alternative titles such as: Zombi 10, Bio Omega, House 6: El terror continua, Blue Holocaust, Demencia and Buried Alive.

The movie is fast paced, bizarre and offers a wide range of emotions but for God's sake DO NOT let the kids watch this and you may want to skip dinner while viewing this. My stomach has gotten fairly hardcore but there are a few scenes that made it skip, flip and churn so best to not tempt the fates or vomit. 

Oh those pushy hitchhikers.