William Shatner Week: Impulse

Hey there folks and welcome to Day 1 of William Shatner Week and I think I managed to find a doozy for starting off.  I wanted to step away from Star Trek as much as humanly possible.  So what could be less Kirk that a gigolo/con man/serial killer?  Yes Shatner is getting to play a disturbed villain for a change.  So hunker down in your chair, have some popcorn and dig those groovy threads.  This is Impulse.

Trust me ladies...

Spoilers should be ground up for dog meat!

Young Matt Stone is awakened in the middle of the night because Mom is a bit tipsy with a jarhead visitor.  Our proud portrayal of the Marines spots the kid and points out he clear needs to learn how to take a woman.  Yes this is the first four minutes of our movie.  Matt grabs a katana; whacks jarhead then guts him when the guy lunges at him.  Several years later Matt (William Shatner of 77 Sunset Strip, Incubus, Hound of the Baskervilles, T.J. Hooker, Tekwar and The Practice) is no longer institutionalized for his childhood mishap and is…a bit on the creepy side.   Matt is all grown up and frequents belly dance bars all the while omitting a sort of dark charm about his person. 

Breaking up is so hard to do.

After she tails him the night before, Helen (Marcia Knight of Skydivers, Darker than Amber and Stanley) sets her foot down and reads him the riot act.  Matt takes this all in stride by throttling her to death.   He goes from unbridled rage to an almost childlike innocence when talking to the now former Helen.   Sensing the po pos will not let this behavior stand he ditches his ’73 LTD in the drink with Helen inside.  Heh heh the perfect crime…except the evidence she was throttled but hey the trace evidence should wash away.  The ’73 Charger he gets later was an excellent ride as well.

In need of a new sugar momma, Matt makes the scene with Widow Ann Moy (Jennifer Bishop of Hee Haw, House of Terror, Mako: Jaws of Death and Jessi’s Girls) but pesky daughter Tina (Kim Nicholas of Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny, Limbo, Salty and Black Sunday) thinks this fly by night Johnny come lately may just be after Mother’s money.    Having a disagreement with an old grafter buddy Karate Pete (Harold Sakata of Goldfinger, Dimension 5, Record City, Death Dimension and Ninja Strikes Back) Matt tends to him with such flamboyance and utter glee in his face you know this cat is completely off his rocker.

Kids, never accept a ride from strange Shatners.

I have just a few things about the film if you can handle that.  Now the film is exploitation at its most tawdry.  The sex scenes are a little racy so best not let the kids see it.  Just because it is low budget does not mean they do not push the envelope on an over wise thin script.  The premise of the story is apparent but Matt’s motives are not.  It is almost he is just crazy for the sake of crazy.  Again childhood drama notwithstanding, he never did seem to bounce back from it.

Hang in there, kitten. Friday's coming.

I love the car crash scene into the river as it was all one continuous shot and looked amazing for a rig and while my copy of viewing was grainier than a field of wheat, the sound was clear enough and the picture decent to view.  Shatner’s performance was just damn eerie.  After this film you will see him in a different scope.

Nazi Week: Kelly's Heroes

Hiya, hiya hiya boys and girls!!!  Welcome to Nazi Week, to which we will see anything from deeply moving dramatics to screwball comedies poking fun at the Third Reich.  Say what sounds better than pulling out the war?  Why, pulling out of the war with about 16 million in gold bullion of course.  So grab your Kevlar, prep your sticky bombs and get ready for house to house search.   This is Kelly’s Heroes.

First, we invade Ireland.  You know... for liquor.

Spoilers stop calling me Barbara!!

35^th Infantry Division receives orders to leave the town of Nancy while under the attack of Ze Germans. After piss poor intelligence gathering former Lieutenant now Private Kelly (Clint Eastwood of Where Eagles Dare, Play Misty for Me, Dirty Harry, High Plains Drifter, Magnum Force and Heartbreak Ridge) helps capture a one Colonel Dankhopf (David Hurst of Hello, Dolly!, The Boys from Brazil and Skokie) of German Intelligence.  After finding a gold bar in Dankhopf’s briefcase, Kelly decides to get him hammered and get some intel on the whereabouts of the gold.  Just prior to Dankhopf’s untimely demise via Tiger tank, he tells Kelly that the gold of 14,000 bars are 30 miles west behind the enemy lines in the town of Clermont. 

Who loathes ya baby??!!

Knowing he cannot go this alone, Kelly recruits the rest of his platoon including Master Sergeant “Big Joe” (Telly Savalas of The Dirty Dozen, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Kojak, The Muppet Movie, Border Cop and Hellinger’s Law) Supply Sgt Crapgame (Don Rickles of Burke’s Law, Where It’s At, CPO Sharkey, Daddy Dearest and Casino)and Sherman tank commander Sgt Oddball (Donald Sutherland of MASH, The Eagle Has Landed, The Great Train Robbery, Bear Island and the Puppet Masters). Our greedy boys break through a German held town after a successful mortar barrage that was carefully arranged by Kelly and it looks like clear sailing from on end.   Not long from that brilliant analogy an American fighter plane believing Kelly’s platoon is the enemy he just cuts loose with rockets and strafes the hell out of their vehicles taking three of their number and forcing them on foot.  

Miscommunications hit the radio and Major General Colt (Carroll O’ Conner of Death of a Gunfighter, All in the Family, Archie Bunker’s Place, In the Heat of the Night and Convicted) is just blown away by the sheer audacity of these patriots trying to get through enemy terrain and opts to help and seize a little of that glory alongside his fightin’ boys.  By the by keep them eyes peeled for both Gavin MacLeod and Harry Dean Stanton.  They’re in there folks.   1^st Sgt Mulligan’s (George Savalas of Kolchak: The Night Stalker, Whodunnit and Kojak) name was killing me.  Yeah I know the old do-over golf term. So sue me.

I know what you're thinking boy. Did I fire 6 times or only 5?

A few points I would like to make about the movie at this time.  Panavision’s anamorphic camera was an excellent choice in that you feel like you are trudging through the mud and streets with the boys.  It was also one of the first movies filmed in stereo.   It was said that a female role was cast for this film that Ingrid Pitt was going to play but James Aubrey the head of MGM felt there needed to be cuts to not make the film quote “ drag on” end quote.   I am guessing it was trying to reconnect her and Eastwood from Where Eagles Dare. 

The irony is of the 35^th Infantry Division was a National Guard division made up of Guardsmen from Missouri, Nebraska and Kansas and yet none of dem palookas sounded a thing like a Midwesterner.    Oh here’s a good one. While still filming on location Eastwood gets a call that Donald Sutherland’s wife then Shirley Douglas was trying to buy hand grenades for the Black Panthers with…wait for it…a personal check from an undercover FBI agent.   You just cannot make up humor that good.

Black & White: Good or Evil?

Now normally when I give a review about a game I am weighing the pros and cons of it but with Black & White it is damn near impossible to bad mouth it. Lionhead Studios released Black & White in 2001.  Published by Electronic Arts for both Windows and Mac, this game got instant raves allowing you to be either a savior or a devil. Due to its popularity, a expansion came out, followed by its sequel Black & White2.   The tutorial (unfortunately you cannot skip through that) starts as soon as you are brought into this world as a new deity. No sooner do you rescue a child from ravenous sharks; the villagers wish to worship and praise your name. You are then greeted by your collective conscience of evil and good or black and white if you will. Both will offer advice to situations as each new problem or crisis is put before you. Each task can be handled with benevolence or malice. The choice is yours. I feel you cannot properly understand a game until you have explored all the angles and opportunities that both good and evil provide so without further adieu here are the highlights to good.

Good: You are the toast of the town and the answer to all prayers. As a good deity you will find worshippers come quickly to prayer. As this is your flock you must watch and tend to them. Assign them work and life. Creating disciples is a snap. The options are builder, breeder, farmer, fisherman or woodsman. Your disciples will continue this line of work that you saw them fit to do until the day they die. This includes breeders, so if you do not want a population increase to epic level, be a bit choosy as to how many breeders you possess, because they are like rabbits.

Part of being a loving god is to take all the problems in your stride and assist them as best as you can. Aiding you in these endeavors will be a pet you can nurture with love and understanding. Providing compassion to this creature is not only kind but a must in the game. Teach it to respect the people and land to create a better harmony for all. With each problem correctly taken care of, a reward is assured and happier worshippers are bountiful. Bear in mind that you will not make them happy 100% of the time. You can only do the tasks, provide miracles to astound and bewilder them and in general and guard them from harm from evil deities. While some might view this as a thankless task, yours is a higher calling to the children you wish to strive in your land.

Evil: Corrupter of youth and destroyer of men, yours is a task behold to the pathetic mortals that dare ask for favors. Constantly underfoot and demanding, these mortals attempt to take up your precious time with requests of benevolence of which you have none. You strive to obtain powers and wreak havoc across the land leaving these frightened simpletons cowering in their little, hopeless lives awaiting to be the next sacrifice to your awesome might. When one of their neighbors goes to the altar for blood sacrifice, they should be down on their knees praising you for not ending them.

Fear is an excellent motivator and provides more worship in your name. Their children will learn to abide by your rules or be fed to the fiendish creature you command with a ruthless iron fist. You will revel in delight as your creature hurls lightning and fireballs from sheer boredom or just in general malice. Cackle from high above at the wanton destruction in your name. Oh it is good to be the god.

The story is in your hands. Do what you will and enjoy.