Not Of This Earth

Hey folks, I'm back. So we are hitting Jim Wynorski flavor country and we are in for a treat. A bevy of gorgeous girls are almost a guarantee, some funky effects and some memorable lines are in store for us. This is Not of This Earth.

Traci hard at work.

Now for you more picky fans, I will point out this is the 1988 remake with Jim and not the 1957 version with Roger Corman. There. I hope we got that one across. For those not in the loop, I was explaining that Carpenter's The Thing was a remake and that turned into a nerd rage battle for four days of BS notes.

Clay animation, explosions, lighting effects, gorgeous girls. This film has a lot going on. Practical effects and SFX make up is damn solid. Except...those opening credits were a mix mash of clips from Battle Beyond the Stars, Forbidden World and Humanoids from the Deep. There may have been more and have nothing to do with the flick. Methinks...filler perhaps?

Do you know the way to San Jose?

Moving on, our story is a hybrid Horror/Sci-Fi/dark comedy so you know there is a lot going on. Working hard for her money. So hard for it honey. Wait, that's a Diana Ross song.  Professional RN, Nadine Story (Traci Lords of Cry-Baby, Shock 'Em Dead, The Tommyknockers, Highlander, Profiler, First Wave, Novel Romance and Swedish Dicks) is hard at work in the office of Dr. Rochelle (Ace Mask of Transylvania Twist, Return of the Swamp Thing, 976-Evil II, Munchie, Ghoulies IV and Victim of Desire) when an unusual patient comes to visit. Always dressed in black, wearing sunglasses and in need of a blood transfusion. At first it sounds like a migraine sufferer minus the blood transfusion. Vampire with headaches?

The enigmatic patient known only as Mr. Paul Johnson (Arthur Roberts of Maneaters Are Loose!, Beyond Westworld, ChiPs, Deadly Vengeance, Revenge of the Ninja, Chopping Mall, Big Bad Momma II, Rorschach, The Curse of the Komodo, SharkMan, and The Mummy's Kiss: 2^nd Dynasty), which is uncomfortable coming out of my mouth. Heyo!! Ahem, he is mysterious yet polite and well mannered still gives off the vibes of something is amiss.

The cure for this fever is more Traci.

Nadine has been requested to give blood transfusions to Mr. Johnson and may have to assist him for several days if not weeks. There's a blood flow penis joke in there somewhere but I already made a moderately filthy joke as it is. Tending to his every other whim is his assistant, chauffeur, fix-it man Jeremy (Lenny Juliano of Commando, Lethal Weapon, Sorceress, The Wasp Woman, Vampirella,Final Voyage and The Bare Wench Project) who I am trying decide if he screams date rapist, toadie, lackey or lickspittle.

While continuing her duties, Nadine reads about random people attacked and their blood completely drained. Again, vampires? A scourge among us? Dr. Rochelle starts to become worried about this and wonders if he should inform the police of his suspicions.

Possibly aliens but that concept is so farfetched, I mean where would the proof be? I mean other than Mr. Johnson's hyper-dimensional, telecommunications device/gateway.

Will Nadine be in danger? Can pervert Jeremy keep it in his pants? Say didn't that radio announcer sound familiar?

Armed with some exploitation actresses of the like of Monique Gabrielle (Bachelor Party, Deathstalker II, 976-Evil II, Chained Heat and Return of the Swamp Thing), the late Roxanne Kernohan (Fatal Pulse, Critters 2, Phoenix the Warrior, Angel III: The Final Chapter and Tango & Cash), Becky LeBeau (Ninja Academy, Transylvania Twist, Jake Spanner, Private Eye, Nudity Required and The Malibu Beach Vampires) and Kelli Maroney (Fast Times at Ryan's Hope, Ridgemont High, Night of the Comet,Chopping Mall, Big Bad Mama II and Pop Star) the men folk will not be hard pressed to find someone to gawk at.

Amusing side note that both Richard Belzer and Michael York play predominant roles in the film yet, I cannot film this movie in their IMDB filmography. Wouldn't surprise me if IMDB screwed up but that is neither here nor there.

Oh, because that was the 1995 version. Yup same film, three times. 45 minutes elapsed and I didn't seem to realize I hadn't seen our star Traci. The streaming site managed to goof on the version. Luckily I found the '88 version. Hell if you think that is nuts, go look up Dracula, Tarzan and Sherlock Holmes Hound of the Baskerville. A LOT of remakes there, my friends.

It's campy, silly and doesn't take itself seriously. Behold, Traci can act. She can flirt, give attitude and has charismatic moments. Yes while this film is a bit oddball, I had fun hearkening back to this.  Wynorski and Corman fans, this is a must have for your collection.

Han Solo's been drinking again!

Stan Against Evil Season 1

We be back! So today thought it be wise to point out today's TV series that NO ONE told me about. Yes I am slightly bitter of this. Our series is created by comedian/writer Dana Gould (The Simpsons, Sout Mates, Dana Gould: Let Me Put My Thoughts in You, Dana Gould: I Know It's Wrong, Laugh Factory and Stan Against Evil) along with Independent Film Channel making this; a TV series and it is batshit crazy but in a good way. With plenty of drama, dark humor and horrific gore to the likes of The Evil Dead. This is Stan Against Evil.

There's a happy camper.

It has been a trying time for Sheriff Stanley Miller (John C. McGinley of Point Break, Highlander 2: The Quickening, Se7en, The Rock, Scrubs,42, Ground Floor, Benched and Stan Against Evil). With his wife dying in the middle of the night, a creepy old lady making moon eyes at him and a violent fight at the funeral making him give up his career of 28 years. 

Retired and living at home with his spacey daughter Denise (Deborah Baker Jr. Of The Lord of the Rings: Aragorn's Quest, Somebody Marry Me, Suburgatory, The UCB Show, The Great Indoors and Everyone is Doing Great), strange happenings seem to crop up in buckets. It appears the town is cursed and no Crazy Ralph of Friday the 13^th to warn how doomed they are.

Ew Spidey went premature...again.

Oh wait a moment, we do have a filthy hobo by the name of Ray Taft (Don Stallings of Delgo, Savage, Game of Silence, Dinner and Superstition and Bobbi & Gill) hapless soothesayer and believer in the occult as he screams about the Constable Thaddus Eckles that brought down this curse oh so long ago. Newly appointed Sheriffy Evie Barret (Janet Varney of Catwoman, Drillbit Taylor, Neil's Puppet Dreams, The Legend of Korra, Fortune Rookie, Take My Wife and Stan Against Evil) has been informed that every Constable for 400 years dies suddenly...except Stan. Even her skeevy perv of a deputy Leon (Nate Mooney of Elizabethtown, Charlotte's Web, Push, One for the Money, American Odyssey, Wilson and Girlfriend's Day) can't explain why Stan is alive.

More supernatural shenanigans are at afoot and the sheriff finds herself needing Stan's help and let's be clear, Stan is a dick. Has to be right, doesn't allow for weakness and cannot show any semblance of feelings. Because...crotchety.

That's some pig!

Being blissfully unaware that of the evil that roams this town, Stan's wife has been fighting it for decades without Stan or Denise's knowledge. With her gone, does this mean the end of the tranquility?

Can Evie fight this madness of a curse? Will Stan aid her without being a dick?

With the darkness of Supernatural, combined with the same warped humor of The Evil Dead series, this show has amazing effects, Stan is barely phased by monsters and witches trying to assault him, deeming it a bunch of phooey. The arrogance of this character has endeared him to my heart.

The dynamic of the cast is a great blend and this writing is so solid, I haven't been able to skip an episode. That's a good thing capturing my attention. These half hour shows were only 8 episodes so yes you can binge watch them rather easily. That being said, I found them to be entertaining, amusing, clever and deviant in the most hilarious of ways.

I plan on watching Season 2 and seeing if it can live up to the ground work that has been laid out. I have a feeling I won't be disappointed. So yes I do recommend this to those folks that need a bit of gore, humor and a twisted look on life.

Old timey vengeance is upon you!

Tag: the Assassination Game

Howdy readers. Back again. So months of being unable to find a digital or DVD copy of this film my Rotten Ramblin' On and Rotten Reelz Reviews Video Review Co-Star Shawn has been talking about. I check YouTube one last time and it is clear this translation is VHS captured. Weee!!!

Yeah this allusive mother humper has been the need to plug to reference something popular. In this case, Jeremy Renner's TAG. Yup it's just a hook. So with that being said, this is Tag: The Assassination Game.

Were you looking for Sarah Connor?

Wooo, alternative titles such as: Kiss Me, Kill Me, Tag and Everyone Gets It in the End. Well my non-existent boobies explode with delight. Shot in UCLA, because...inexpensive? I believe the storyline takes place on said campus unless this is Haddonfield Illinois that resembles California. That's a Halloween joke for those that didn't get it. Seems appropriate when the movie is directed by "The Shape" Michael Myers himself, Nick Castle (Dark Star, Halloween, Escape From New York and Halloween). Hey if you can't trust the director of The Last Starfighter and Major Payne, then the world just got a little darker.

Moving along, the campus has a more than a handful of elite assassins with dossiers of each other as in a picture and the code name they go by.

Their reigning champion of TAG has been methodical, patient and frankly has no life aside from this game. Loren (Bruce Abbot of Re-Animator, Bride of Re-Animator, Interzone, Bad Dreams and Trance) rules supreme thus far and no one has come close to defeating him. I'd point out this guy is built, handsome and fairly friendly so picking up a girl or guy wouldn't be difficult, so yeah no idea what his trip is. Maybe he is still hung up on Megan and Herbert West. Re-Animator Joke!

Hollywood mugshot!

Yeesh. A college reporter Alex Marsh (Robert Carradine of Massacre at Central High, Revenge of the Nerds, Rude Awakening, Body Bags, Escape From L.A. and Lizzie McGuire)attempting has to do a fluff piece, decides to bring this college game to light and see what is so intriguing about pretend killing people. Cue the Maze and Monsters theme music. Seriously, since I was about 13, RPGs, Comic books, Science Fiction and Sci-Fantasy took so many blows to the head. It was annoying.

Unlike those kneejerk uptights, Marsh proceeds to seek out Susan Swayze (Linda Hamilton of The Terminator, Beauty and the Beast, T2: Judgement Day, Dante's Peak, A Girl Thing, Smile, Missing in America and Terminator: Salvation) leading Alex into the world of assassins, plots, schemes and taking out their target. To appreciate the full scope of the game, the players are at the last leg of the tournament for the movie. Susan shows Alex surveillance tips, observations and real world effects the game has.

So...highway head?

As the two team-up allowing Alex to take notes, Susan and Marsh start bonding. With a dark comedy with a dash of film noir, a bit of exploitation and grim humor.

Loren trails a lower rung assassin into the shower and his pistol accidentally nails Loren. Devastated at this, he tries to call off this now happy nerd. Loren knows what he must to do, to keep his record perfect and remove the threat.

During the course of the game and over a few days, Susan and Alex find campus police and Homicide have discovered a dead body with a bullet wound in his chest.

Alex and Susan both creeped about it start thinking as this death is followed by others, more brazen than the next. It is relatively as if the killer is getting a taste for it.

Neither of our duo feel the cops can do all of the investigation on their own. With a hot scoop for Alex and a need for Susan to flex her psychology major, the pair use their collective senses and cunning to who this lunatic could be.

The only link to those murdered is the game. Can Alex and Susan survive the night? Will the cops be useful?

A bit of trivia. A LARP (Live Action Role Playing Game) named Killer by Steve Jackson is almost identical to how this game was played down to dossiers, profiles and alias. Released in 1981 a tad prior to Tag: The Assassination Game and three years later, Anthony Edwards' Gotcha with paintball guns, espionage and intrigue.

The cast of folk did make me laugh as I saw character actor Xander Berkley, TV and Film actor Kristine DeBell of Meatballs, The Big Brawl and Blood Brothers and Michael Winslow of Police Academy series. Last bit of trivia I swear. Gowdy played by Winslow has a substantial bodyguard as this is Forest Whittaker's first film appearance.

Damnest thing as good as this film was, no DVD or Blu-Ray release.   There is a Roger Corman flick of the same title in 1994 but no relation to the other. I had to watch this with a VHS conversion.    Oh yes gentle readers, I did play Killer and I played to win.

NO! I will not be in any Terminator reboots!!

Incognito Cinema Warriors XP

Hey folks I am back again. Today's theme is a little something different. You would call this an internet/DVD phenomenon given how these guys and gals directly changed movie riffing for a new generation. Movie Riffing? Making fun of a preexisting source material in the same fashion as Joel Hodgson's Mystery Science Theater 3000, Mike Nelson's Riff Trax and Hodgson's Cinematic Titanic.

Damn. Topsy really wants those Junior Mints.

What started as nothing more than a one and done as head writer/director/actor/graphic artist/metalhead Rikk Wolf puts it, became an underground success from DVD releases to YouTube standing.   Incognito Cinema Warriors XP is based with music/video game/movie/literate/snarky comments thrust out at the screen at film that look better on teeth. Hell some of the movies they watch, film on a dead man's eyes would be more entertaining and less off-putting.

Woody Strode: American Gigolo.

So imagine MST3K but not a guy trapped in space. Oh no, that would be kind. So instead the Zombie Apocalypse overtakes the states, possibly the world. Commander Rick Wolf (Rikk Wolf of ICWXP) lead a team of commandos C.O.R.P.S. (Commando Of Re-animant Processing and Suppression) whose entire team was overrun by zombies forcing Wolf to take shelter in the Cine-a-Sorrow theater, a run down and presumbly abandoned movie theater.  Looks like a refuge out of the 1950s but with a Sci-Fi theme in the sense of automaton robots holding independent thought and given menial tasks by their creator, Dr. Blackwood.  Blackwood offers the safety of reinforced steel shutters and a completely sealed theater (that may or may not have been illegal human experimentation, a fire code and a terrifying notion).   In return, Rikk will be subjected to some of the worse films in cinema.   Blackwood wants to see how long or with what film Rikk ends up gacking himself with a concealed butter knife.

Joining Rikk in the battle of these horrific gobs of moving picture tripe, are Topsy Bot 5000 (Nick Evans of ICWXP), concession stand robot, dispenser of drinks and popcorn...and his arms don't work and Johnny Cylon (Zach Legler of ICWXP), the resident usher bot, making sure old ladies get through the aisles fine, teens aren't screwing in the back rows and that the candy/gum resin isn't making the floor sticky.

The bots haven't had to do any jobs of any sort given the theater shut down decades ago and their reasoning for being, the purpose they were created for has been taken from them. A metaphysical dichotomy is assured for their CPUs.  Blackwood long forgot about the bots and demands they too suffer through these flicks along with Rick.

So this week we look in horror at a low budget TV quality internet/straight-to-DVD series that has been cracking folks up for years and YOU were just not hip enough to know about it.  Hey, hey it's okay. Dry those tears and get on the bandwagon now. It doesn't matter if you are less cool than nerd devil Michael Bay or so unhip your pants fall around your knees, you're a rebel and here is your cause.

For more information on the cast and crew of this humble but fierce series, go to icwxp.com, catch them on Facebook and YouTube under AgonyWolf Media.

Cylon: Destroyer of Candy Forts.

TV Titanics: Z Nation Season 1

TV Titanics returns! So decided to tap into a zombie fueled bit of goofy because...well I really cannot sit through The Walking Dead. So damn chatty and not enough zombie skull cracking. Stop reminiscing of things and places gone by,Grimes!!! Okay moving on or this will be a Walking Dead rant. Instead let's talk about 3 years after the zompocalypse tearing the US a new one and the survivors are picking up the pieces. Charged with a mission to journey through zombie infested towns to get a cure to California, our reluctant heroes trudge on. This is Z Nation Season 1.

Knew we shouldn't have eaten at Red Robin.

Produced by The Asylum (Almighty Thor, 2012: Ice Age, Battle of Los Angeles, Nazis at the Center of the Earth, Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies, Rise of the Zombies, Social Nightmare and Alone for Christmas) home of the modern day mockbuster with sneaky titles similar to the features they are attempting to cash in on got in bed with Sy-Fy to create a series to either rival or simply competition in the zompocalypse stories, films and TV already out there. 3 years have occurred since the outbreak, The US is a wasteland of consumer products, bands of vehicles, good decent folk, raiders and even the odd gathering of cannibals.

RAD ZOMBIE!!!!

For a small group of survivors, a Special Forces Lt. Hammond (Harold Perrineau of Romeo + Juilet, Lost, Blade the Series, Transit, Sons of Anarchy, Zero Dark Thirty, Constantine, Goliath and Criminal Minds) and his prisoner Murphy (Keith Allan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Star Trek: Enterprise, Air Collision, Social Nightmare, Zombie Night and Rise of the Zombies) have fled from one of the major infestation sites at the lost of Hammond's men covering their escape. Arriving in Upstate New York, Hammond meets a group of survivors made up of civilians and some National Guard, he tells these people he needs help to bring Murphy to California.

Captain Garrett (Tom Everett Scott of That Thing You Do, An American Werewolf in Paris, Dead Man on Campus Bloodline, Enemies Closer and The Last Word) and Lt. Warren (Kellita Smith of The Bernie Mac Show, King's Ransom, Feel the Noise, Conspiracy X, The First Family and Z Nation) are iffy about this as they gather up stragglers from their crew when the entire encampment is attacked by water logged zombies popping out of the lake. Knowing their settlement has been completely overrun, our small group decides to hoof it with Hammond and Murphy.

You goin' down, cameraman!!!

 

Joining on this zany quest is drug chemist Doc (Russell Hodgkinson of Big Fish, We Go Way Back, ZMD: Zombies of Mass Destruction, Mystery Case Files: The 13^th Skull, Grimm, 21 & Over, A Bit of Bad Luck and 7 Minutes) Ballbat wielding melee momma Addy (Anatasia Baranova of 7^th Heaven, Veronica Mars, Rise: Blood Hunter, The Darkness II, Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z and Z Nation) her crackshot boyfriend Mack (Michael Welch of Star Trek: Insurrection, Hey Arnold!, Joan of Arcadia, Stargate SG-1, Day of the Dead, The Riches, Twillight, Unrequited and Criminal Minds).

Meanwhile in the Antartic, NSA Communications Specialist Simon or Citizen Z (DJ Qualls of Road Trip, Cherry Falls, The New Guy, Comic Book Villains, Last Day of Summer, Supernatural, Perception and Z Nation) has complete access to every existing satellite, relay station, cameras and social media and no authority to tell him he can't do that, he leads the team to locations that last he checked have anything from supplies to less stinky fleshbags roaming about. His task is to not go mad from loneliness and keep the survivors up to date on weather changes, zombie uprise and any human elements that may be completely bat shit crazy.

Along through Philly our crew encounters a young woman name of Cassandra (Pisay Pao of Simply Fobulous, Your Lucky Day, Door to Door, NCIS: Los Angeles, and Z Nation) left in a cage surrounded by the deaders and she joins up with them on their moderately insane quest. With limited resources, raiders, zombies and freak weather our people have their work cut out for them.

Will the team get Murphy to California?? What awaits them at the next town or even next state?

With shows like The Walking Dead, The Strain, iZombie and Fear the Walking Dead, it is nice to see a show not taking itself serious all the time but creating new strains of zombie like these speed freak zombies that were taking massive doses of pills, rad zombies thanks to a power plant unattended. The characters are diverse, the story lines can have some funny episodes but they also include some of the more darker aspects of the human psyche. Any Zombie Post Apocalypse fans should enjoy this. I hesitate to shoot this through a time hole so the Incognito Cinema Warriors XP crowd can enjoy this but in the year 20XX, zombies so y'know too much art imitating life. I'll just send them Zone of the Dead instead.

House Stories: House a.k.a. Ding Dong, You're Dead

Welcome one and all. Well folks I have gotten write backs from both a star and the writer/director of Camp Blood 4 and 5. Goes to show you never know who is reading this blog. That being said, the guys were good eggs in spite of my candid and goofy takes on the film. Say, one could almost think of interviewing them for Rotten Ramblin' On.

This week it is all about House. Yes, the confusing series that has brought us 1,2 and...4? Huh? Yeah that has been a mystery for more than 20 years for me and trust me when I say, I was a tad disappointed at the discovery.

Told you to open the door and get me a beer!

Today's film comes from the mind of writer Fred Dekker (Night of the Creeps,The Monster Squad, If Looks Could Kill, Ricohet, Tales from the Crypt and Star Trek: Enterprise) produced by a teenybopper slayer/director/producer Sean S. Cunningham (Friday the 13^th, A Stranger Is Watching, Spring Break, The New Kids, DeepStar Six and Terminal Invasion), directed by a man of TV and movie sequels, director Steve Miner (Friday the 13^th Part 2, Friday the 13^th Part III, Soul Man, Warlock, Elvis, My Father the Hero, Halloween H2O: 20 Years Later and Lake Placid) and music composed by writer/jazz soloist/composer Harry Manfredini (Here Comes the Tigers, Friday the 13^th, Swamp Thing, Friday the 13^th Part III, Spring Break, Friday the 13^th: The Final Chapter, The Hills Have Eyes Part II, Zombie Island Massacre and Slaughter High) bringing you the horror comedy that is House.

Roger Cobb (William Katt of The Rookies, Ironside, Carrie, The Rainmaker, The Greatest American Hero, Perry Mason Returns, Perry Mason: The Case of the Shooting Star, Swimsuit, White Ghost and House IV) is a novelist that delves into horror mostly thanks to his experiences in Vietnam (Cue Hendrix music!) whose luck has gone terribly sour. His books aren't selling as well as they could, he is separated from his wife and his son disappeared mysteriously. Overall, a suck life thus far. His aunt Elizabeth (Susan French of The Sting, Airport 1975, Jaws 2, Captain America II: Death Too Soon, Flatliners, Younger and Younger and Fist of the North Star) who raised Roger for many years after his parents' death has passed away leaving her house to Roger.

Robert Culp furious with the revenues of Greatest American Hero.

Roger is being pressured to finish his book project to increase his sales and get him back on top. Haunted to this day about events of Vietnam we see why Cobb needs to end the book to bring the demons to rest. Cobb holds onto the house as this is where his son was last seen and is convinced the house itself is the culprit as childhood memories of the house were disturbing. His now ex-wife Sandy (Kay Lenz of American Graffiti, Breezy, The Passage, Swan Lake, Stripped to Kill, Death Wish 4: The Crackdown, Fear and Streets) checks on him when he shuts down or keeps people at bay and you get the vibe she genuinely misses and loves him still but the loss of their boy put a huge gulf between them.

Determined to finish his Vietnam horror novel, he investigates the house itself as every night at midnight something different, warped and ominous happens. His nosy next-door neighbor Harold (George Wendt of Cheers, Fletch, Space Truckers, Spice World, Wild About Harry and Saturday Night Live) turns out to be a huge fan of Cobb's and the two then check out the barrage of monsters and demons ebbing their way into the house. Can Cobb deal with the ghosts of the past?

With some camp moments, the pace of the story takes you on and makes a leisurely pass to realms brushing against one another. Creatures manifest in the house harming Roger and damaging his mind and soul. You get the vibe this could go completely Jaccob's Ladder but skirts off into Evil Dead 2 territory. With amazing prosthetics, stop motion animations and a bit of blue screen you are in for a bizarre time. You know the seriousness of a dismembering scene has been made fun of as our protagonist buries the remains of his wife turned demon to the tune of Linda Ronstadt's You're No Good.  I think I belted out laughing. Dated perhaps but still valid for some good scares and good story telling.

Aunt May??  NOooOOOoOoOO!!!!!!

The Henry Rollins Show

Welcome back all. Can you fathom a tattooed loud and passionate lunatic engaged in monologues interviews with a variety of celebrities and live musical performances??? As luck would have IFC (Independent Film Channel) took a chance to have a weekly talk show with our boy Henry not censored or stifled. This is The Henry Rollins Show.

3 bean burrito's revenge!

Each episode Henry has an interview, handles the hard hitting questions like: What project are you on now? Yeah I saw you in the day, how did that get started? Yes even Henry has to adhere to a few pointed questions that while dull to ask, the answers can be quite bizarre. Rollins also has a few host segments and monologues that are key to this show. One would dare say a necessity.

Cool graphic or narcissistic? Only you can decide.

Teeing off is the quick first artillery shells launched at politicians and celebrities that piss him off from the daily or in this case, weekly news. Letters from Henry were based as a satire of open letters aimed at whatever celebrity is annoying the piss out of him that week or he has closely followed their career and can only assume the blood pact they made with the dark lord of he who must not be named is really working out for them thus far. Rollins Reconsiders a very sarcastic "positive" speech made with a few rounds of Photoshop and renders a person with that particular fad that had to be in spite of good taste and common sense i.e. Hemp hoodies, baggy pants and probably parachute pants as well. Sorry Hammer.

This Disquistion: A monologue made by comedian/actress/political activist Janeane Garofalo as free range musings, thoughts of the day or general pent-up rage on issues, people, political agendas and upper one percenters screwing over the work class...all from the comfort of her apartment.

Drawing Conclusions: An animated segment by Lylofilm via Swift River Productions and IFC where Rollins had per-recorded from his stand-up and spoken word tours as with a 2D tradition animation with lovely titles like: Method Acting with Danny DeVito, Junk Mail and A Texas Barbecue with G.W. And Saddam Hussein to name a few. So you can understand how screwy these are.

IFC Soapbox: a debate from both sides of the issue ranging from pornography, R&B to more complicated subjects like war mongering or same sex marriage. Each member is given their own soapbox to stand out and address their take on the problem at hand and express their views. Finishing off the show brings us of course the end credits that were Rollins pays homage to interesting facts about historical figures and the works of actors and directors as well. He has a few passions in his life obviously.

Remember kids, a clean colon is a happy colon.

Starting up on April 1, 2006 brought us our tattooed renaissance madman but alas our 30 minutes of brutal shouting, calm interviewing and poignant speeches tallied only 41 episodes because...um too raw I guess? I would say the lack of a sack from IFC but they do take plenty of risks. DVD box sets available at Best Buy and easily found on Itunes. My guess is Henry cannot be contained on only one stage and must in fact be shared to the world and the residing galaxies!! I could be wrong of course.

Dogma

Well hey there gentle readers. Back again with some more controversial and blasphemous works of Kevin Smith. Now don't get me wrong, because I enjoyed the hell out of this flick but the Roman Catholic Church felt it was a slap in the face of the lord o' mighty and the Catholic League made like they did picketing Last Temptation of Christ via Martin Scorsese. So already I am on board just to annoy the practicing Catholics alone. This is Dogma.

Brave woman.  I wouldn't entrust these two to open a can of beans.

Destined to be the second movie but knocked back to film number four, our story opens with two fallen angels Bartleby (Ben Affleck of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dazed and Confused, Mallrats, Going All the Way, Good Will Hunting, Armageddon, Reindeer Games, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Daredevil, Clerks II and Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice) and his companion Loki (Matt Damon of Mystic Pizza, Chasing Amy, Good Will Hunting, Saving Private Ryan, Rounders, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Ocean's Eleven, The Bourne Identity, The Bourne Supremacy, The Departed and The Martian) were banished to Earth after a misadventure resigning from the appointment of Angel of Death thanks to Bartleby's words of encouragement. For all eternity they are to remain...in Wisconsin. Until McGuffin appears in the form of a newspaper clipping. Exclaiming in celebration of its bi-centennial, the plenary indulgence (remission of all sins and thereby all are permitted direct entry to Heaven) is on for those Catholics feel they must repent. Translation: Loophole and making God somehow imperfect. (I can hear the anger of many a Christian...good...good. The hate is swelling in you now)

Man that Good Will Hunting money spent quick, right?

God not seemingly on the scene, the Seraphim Metatron (Alan Rickman of Die Hard, Quigley Down Under, Truly Madly Deeply, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Judas Kiss, Dark Harbor, Galaxy Quest, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Love Actually and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy) the Voice of God visits Bethany (Linda Fiorentino of After Hours, Queens Logic,The Last Seduction, Jade, Men in Black, What Planet Are You From? And Where the Money Is) a depressed catholic and abortion clinic technician charging her with a holy quest to stop the angels before all of the world is undone. She will be accompanied by two prophets Jay (Jason Mewes of Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Scream 3, Vulgar, Clerks: The Animated Series, Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back and Clerks II) and Silent Bob (writer/director/actor Kevin Smith Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Scream 3, Vulgar, Clerks: The Animated Series, Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back, Clerks II, Catch and Release, Manchild and Live Free or Die Hard) as terrible twosome from the Askewverse's longest running characters.

Along on said less than merry quest they encounter plummeting from the skies Rufus (Chris Rock of Saturday Night Live, In Living Color, Chris Rock: Bigger and Blacker, Lethal Weapon 4, Nurse Betty, Pootie Tang, Bad Company, Pauly Shore Is Dead and Grown Ups) a dead man claiming to be the thirteenth Apostle, omitted from the Bible because he's black. Our foursome makes their way to a titty bar finding one of the strippers to be the former muse Serendipidity (Salma Hayek of Desperado, Four Rooms, Fair Game, Fools Rush In, 54, The Faculty, Wild Wild West, Traffic, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, After the Sunset and Bandidas) inspiration herself reduced to stripping due to writer's block and thus the curious quintet are off to save the world.

Can the angels be stopped? Will the universe cease to be?? Will we all snuff it??

A few points of interest on this is, the very Jewish last named Cardinal portrayed by the late great comedian/writer/producer and actor George Carlin. Glick as I am lead to understand ain't exactly an Irish name so I snickered quite a bit. SFX supervisor and designer Vincent J Guastini had his hands full with designing wings for the angels and the Golgothan(the slimy poop demon made of the excrement of thieves, rapists and murderers) and the late talented Alan Rickman who was a Chasing Amy fan wanted to do Dogma under two conditions: 1) Staying true to the script and 2) whether the wings were practical or CGI. Did I forget to mention casting /songwriter/singer Alanis Morissette as...God?

Makes sense the Voice of God is English. Classy.

Zombie Stew: The Bone Yard

Welcome one and all to another helping of Zombie Stew. Day 4 and I am not certain I can truly reference this as a zombie film when the film insinuates the creatures are ghouls but hell Romero tried to call his zombies ghouls as well. What do you get when you pair two mildly capable cops an overweight psychic and a few coroners? No, you do not make a flesh golem Voltron capable of seeing the dead and dispensing the law. You get the comedy/horror dealing with decent practical effects a monstrous dog beast and Phyllis Diller as you have never seen her before. This is The Boneyard.

A door?  Damn.  How do these things work again?

Our writer/director James Cummins (The Boneyard, Dark:30 and Harbinger)cut his teeth in film doing creature design and sculpting for mostly sci-fi and horror films and followed the call of writing and directing.

With the police stumped after a series of unprecedented homicides, Detective Callum (Ed Nelson of A Bucket of Blood, Peyton Place, Police Academy 3: Back in Training, Who Am I? And Runaway Jury) and doofus Detective Mullin (James Eustermann of Spaced Invaders, The Boneyard, Cast a Deadly Spell, Woody Burns...a Life and Words Unspoken) seek any assistance to figuring out this grusome series of murders even coaxing a portly, retired psychic Alley Oates (Deborah Rose of Fugitive Lovers, American Drive-In, Troop Beverly Hills, Ski Patrol and The Boneyard) to help find this mass murderer. Their first clue is no exposition reports on the radio about homicidal loonies escaping an asylum and stealing an ax or machete. Tough luck fellas, time to do some real legwork.

NBC's Fall Listing: My Three CHUDS.

With a taped interrogation of mortician Chen (Robert Yun Ju Ahn of The Boneyard) our dutiful detective and flailing physic attempting to decipher what the bloody hell is going on, more deaths are occurring and bodies are be shipped in to the coroner's office. Enter our wacky medical examiners Miss Poopinplatz and yes that is her actual character name and Mr. Shepard.

Poopinplatz (Phyllis Diller of The Red Skelton Hour, Love, American Style, The Sunshine Boys, Uncle Croc's Block, The Nutcracker Prince, Blossom, Animaniacs, Robot Chicken and Everything's Jake) is a crotchety older woman without her iconic wig and only has love for her darling poodle Floofsoms and... yeah that is actually about it. Her colleague Shepard a.k.a. Mr. Roper (Norman Fell of The End, Getting There, Three's Company, Dan August: The Jealousy Factor, Dan August: Once Is Never Enough, Dan August: Murder, My Friend, The Ropers and Beach House) with a pony tail???

Callum arrives with Oates and bumbling rookie Mullin in time for the craziness ensuing as the bodies re-animate and start attacking the living. The ghouls in question are actually possessed bodies by demons known as Kyonshi...really close to Kashi isn't it? Given how some of those cereals are WAY TOO fiber based I would rather the demons named Kashi to give me more incentive to bodily dismember them. So the fiber demons are tearing ass around the morgue attacking both the staff, cops and psychic (of which she did see that coming) and let's be fair, the practical effects for the ghouls is actually really good. Will our dwindling party survive the onslaught of undead kids, men and women alike? Will this shake them to the core and they will have to stop over-acting like Jeremy Irons in Dungeons and Dragons? And what of my spinach puffs in the oven as I write this?

Bit of trivia on the movie now.

Special effects were handled by Jim Henson alumni Tim Hawkins (The Jim Henson Hour, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze, The Boneyard and Muppets from Space) dealing with animatronic creature costumes and zombie effects.

Shot in a standard 35mm Spherical the film, lightning and general crew is professional in spite of the absurdity that is seen on screen. Our film was shot in five weeks with plenty of time left over to add an additional see of a wedding scene between Gordon and Dana that should have been the end of the flick but the scene was never added to the finished product.

Producers Richard F. Brophy (House, The Boneyard, Speak of the Devil, Dark:30 and Harbinger) and Phil Smoot (Alien Outlaw, Home of Angels, Above Suspicion, Night Class, Tara, The Gravedancers and Warbirds) talked about getting both Alice Cooper for not only the music but playing a part along with character actor veteran Clu Gulager for key roles but they declined.

Yeah the rock icon that starred in Monster Dog and Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare and the fellow that starred in Return of the Living Dead and all three of his son's Feast movies turned down The Bone Yard.

Bring your poo bags, FLUFFY GONNA CRAP DOUBLE TONIGHT!!