The Devil's Backbone...

Hey kiddies! How about a story hellbent on despair, childhood terrors, resistance and tenacity?  So grab your crucifix, say 30 Hail Marys and be humble.  This is The Devil’s Backbone.

Spoilers is the devil!!!

Set in the background of the Spanish Civil War, this film is told through the eyes of a twelve year old boy Carlos (Fernando Tielve of The Shanghai Spell, Goya’s Ghosts and Pan’s Labyrinth) has been left at this enormous orphanage a day’s walk from any village in Spain.  His father is quite dead but Carlos is blissfully unaware of this as his mentor drops him on in his strange environment leaving him to be the new kid in a terrifying new place.  No sooner the film has opened up, Carlos sees a translucent boy in the kitchen that is in fact, yes a ghost.  As the ghost turns to him Carlos does what any twelve year old does.  Ran scared, hopped into bed and hid under the covers. Carlos discovers later on a name of Santi (Junio Valverde of Hidden Hands, Vida y color, Shiver and Tierra de lobos) carved into the locker.  Carlos and several other kids are watched over by Dr. Casares (Reoccuring del Toro actor Federico Luppi of Cronos, Martin and Pan’s Labyrinth) and the Headmistress Carmen (Marisa Paredes of Life is Beautiful, All About My Mother and The Skin I Live In), who is also fighting for the cause using a series of gold ingots to pay for food and arms.  

Most of these characters are filled with good intentions but as we all know what that road paves.  The school’s handyman Jacinth (Eduardo Noriega of Tesis, Open Your Eyes and The Method) knows of the gold and plans to steal it and run off with his fiancée Conchita (Irene Visedo of Cuentame, Los pasos perdidos and Cascabel) to make a better life for their selves in this war torn time.  The beauty of del Toro’s writing is while Jacinth has some deep psychological issues, serious flaws and in general comes off as a thug at first glance, we are privy to see into his soul and love for his woman that separates himself for the atypical bad guy of film.  The ghost child’s chalky skin and white contacts will send a shiver down your spine.  You will feel remorse for the loss of his life but will be innerved by his presence.

The terror and beauty of this movie is amalgamated into one.  The cinematography is phenomenal and really tells a horrendous tale from different points of view with subtly.   There were times in this film you could feel an influence of William Friedkin’s The Exorcist had.  The story established a tale of malice and torment all the while showing hope and optimism in the background.  Easily, this is a time-period film worth viewing and having on your shelf.  So chuck that copy of Caligula you shamefully bought, sit back and taking in this movie for its awesome brilliance and disturbing beauty.

Hellboy...don't tell me you never heard of it?

What is it that makes a man a man? Is it his origins, the way things start…Or is it something else, something harder to describe?   Hey folks I thought this would be a good kick start to Guillermo del Toro week if we tackled a film a great deal of us know, like or dislike, love or loathe.  Now without further adieu…This is Hellboy.

Skip to the part where I can kill a spoiler

In 1993, San Diego Comic Con’s second titled comic was released by comic artist/writer Mike Mignola (Wolverine, Daredevil, Power Man and& Iron Fist) Hellboy was a monster, a demon that championed on the side of good and taught Christian morals. Hellboy was contracted by Dark Horse Comics in 1994 and is a title to this day.   Mignola stated in a interview for the movie he got tired of drawing men and women in tights, panel after panel and really like making monsters instead. So why not make a monster a hero?

Collaborating with writer Peter Briggs, del Toro and he start hammering through the pages of Mignola’s Red Right Hand of Doom story arc and place a father/son relationship that Hellboy and Professor Broom did not have in the comics.   That being said, let’s get to fun!   In 1944 on the shores of some remote ruins in Scotland a natural connection of ley lines, the Nazis are attempting to cross a dimensional gate to a realm uncharted by sane men.   From a substantial gunfight between US forces of the newly founded Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense and the Nazis, Russian scientist, paranormal expert Grigori Rasputin (Karel Roden of Blade II, Bulletproof Monk, The Bourne Supremacy and The Abandoned) delves in a realm where angels dare not tread and is sucked through the portal, all seems well but Professor Broom points out that portal worked both ways and was open long enough for something else to have gotten through.    A search of the premises comes up with a small ape like child, red as a fire engine and a right hand composed of stone.   Cut to 2004 and young FBI agent John Myers (Rupert Evans of Sons & Lovers, Fingersmith, Emma and This is David Conrad) entering the world of the BPRD and informed there is much more going on this little blue green planet by Professor “Broom” Bruttenholm (John Hurt of Alien, History of the World: Part I, The Hit, 1984,Beyond the Gates and V for Vendetta).  A brief introduction with the aquatic Abe Sapien (Doug Jones of The Time Machine, Men in Black II, Adaptation, Doom and Pan’s Labyrinth) a vault about 8 inches thick is open to reveal the man or demon of the hour, Hellboy (Ron Perlman of Beauty and the Beast, The Magnificent Seven, Crime and Punishment, Cronos, Blade II and Star Trek: Nemesis)   

A few issues being in the BPRD, if you do not really have an area of expertise and just a grunt with a gun you have the live span expectancy of a red shirt.   You are on Hellboy’s team and we never heard of you?  Bye bye cannon fodder.   This film with its crane shot, hand held and a fair amount of dolly track with anamorphic scope gives you that chestnut of being there in the action without a fraction of the collateral damage.  An enjoyable monster flick, you can show to the kids and they will thank you for it.

Damn that is a nice car.

Hey all.  Just touching base on a cult following that could only be rivaled by Buffy the Vampire Slayer and its spin-off show Angel.  I refer to those pesky kids, the Winchester boys.  Driving in their father’s ’67 Impala these two very different lads dispense justice for the victims of the monsters that go bump in the night.   So sharpen your stakes, pour your silver bullet molds and above all don’t be a douche nozzle.   This is Supernatural Season 1.

Spoilers are all around us man!

Our pilot opens with a happy prosperous young man Sam Winchester (Jared Padalecki of Gilmore Girls, House of Wax and Friday the 13^th) pre-law student, straight A’s and hotty for a girlfriend Jessica (Adrianne Palicki of Lone Star, Legion, Wonder Woman and Red Dawn) and over all life is feeling good.  The two lovebirds have a little celebration nookie and fall asleep (No fellas, this is CW so no skin on that level) when Sam hears a noise in the apartment, goes to investigate and handle the burglar.  After a fairly intense fight choreography we can see Sambo has had some training only to get tossed on his butt by…his little big brother Dean (Jensen Ackles of Dawson’s Creek, Still Life, Smallville, My Bloody Valentine and Batman: Under the Red Hood).   After nursing a few egos and bruises, Dean tells Sam their dad has gone hunting and hasn’t been back in awhile.   Feels all coded in front of girlfriend Jessica.  Reluctantly Sam joins Dean in pursuit of their wayward father because you see folks the family business is hunting…monsters of all shapes and sizes.

Ahh spoiler you say?  You had 8 years!  Catch up!

Now given that John and Jane Public thinks monsters are nothing more than the work of fiction, cinema and tween writers, our would be heroes have to go incognito.  So on top of less than legal firearms, credit card fraud and posing as Federal officers, our lads do battle with the nastiest freakiest creatures this side of Sunnydale.

The storyline unfolds on what could have made these two seemingly normal guys into hunters of the preternatural and extra-dimensional.    22 years prior the boys’ mother died in a mysterious fire and their father, a Marine recon Vietnam vet could not save her in time.   Finds out there are creatures of myth and legend and they are very real.  To keep his boys safe he will instruct them how to survive, fight and win.  From hand to hand combat, firearms and blades these two could probably be dropped on the F.B.I.’s most wanted list if they wanted to go on a killing spree but they remain knight errants and do what they must to spare families the hell that is their lives.

Admittedly I went into this show kicking and screaming foul to preceding shows. Kolchak: the night stalker Poltergeist : The Legacy, Friday the 13^th The Series and X-Files all dealing with the ghosts and ghoulies so I felt yeah YET another less than original idea.  This bleak, dark background story unfolding simultaneously with the current events quickly changed my mind and established this is a dialogue driven story arc as much as it is character based.   A dysfunctional family that shows their breaking points, their flaws and strengths gives scope to the show and guest stars galore.  Only complaint from the man here, not enough reoccurring eye candy for hetro boys.  

Blood Wars: A High School Production

Blood Wars

SPOILERS A PLENTY

Well I am back and with yet another vampire movie with Jason Connery, son of Sir Sean Connery.  I bet if they crank out a third vampire film with this yahoo we can create our own subgenre in vampire films.  Connery Fangs!!!   Well this brilliant piece of tripe is called The Thirst: Blood War a.k.a. The Thirst a.k.a. Blood Wars.   Hey distribution!  Pick a title and stick with it!    OooOoO POV shots on a scale model and into our feature.  Can’t tell if it is that or CGI.   Handheld HD DVD mini-cam strikes again.  Brotherhood of Blood flashback!   Good God does no one shoot on 35MM anymore?  Hell even 35MM HD would be fine as well but I guess it wasn’t in the budget.   Next complaint is under cranking the footage so it flies around like a crazed vampire bat of yesteryear and killing epileptics left and right.  Great dizzy and annoyed I start this flick off on the wrong foot.

Our film revolves around a hippy college student named Will (A.J. Draven of Spec Ops) who simply bumbles with the female student body because he is a doofus. His roommate/buddy Rico not so Suave (Owiso Odera of Dirt and Three Rivers) proceed to chat up a couple of girls Jayne and Ashley (Allison Lange of Gacy and Christina’s House and Rini Bell of Gilmore Girls and Bring It On)  all the while illuming to the lost of several collegiate members over the past few days.   I mean it’s not even mid terms so the atypical fleeing and suicides shouldn’t be happening just yet.

  The coven meeting between the witches and vampires is amusing for the fact that Tony Todd (Hatchet and Hatchet 2) is miked but his lackey Claudius (Jason Connery of Brotherhood of Blood) isn’t and he sounds like he is projecting for a high school play.  He struts and rants a few moments before he is put in his place by Todd then he just plops down amongst three or four undead hunnies.  Hmm maybe he is a chip off the old block after all.  Get this man some roles of caliber dammit.     Apparently there exists in this universe a type of Warlock.  No not Julian Sands.  A warlock called a sentry and they can defeat vampires.   A slight distraction from this episodic masterpiece is two rednecks with beer and a shotgun.  Shenanigans away!   C.Thomas Howell (Kindred, Outsiders and the Hitcher) and Mark Holton (Leprechaun and Pee Wee’s Big Adventure) are two Billy Bob’s short of a KKK rally head into the woods looking to shoot a cougar only to get snacked on by a couple of rookie vamps.  ENTER THE SENTRIES!!!  Our “Warlocks” slay the vampires in their stylish gunny sack robes.   First off let’s just take a look at the word Warlock.  Last I recall they are practitioners of black magic. Perhaps sorcerer would have worked or say wizard.  Apparently the Sentries and Vampires have a long standing rivalry so yeah no real heroes in this.  We have more back story about how the Sentries and Vampires have been going at it I felt like I was attending a history lecture.  Who can say offhand?   Our writer may have just done a handful of horse tranquilizers and slaved away at the keyboard.   Oh sorry I forgot.  Our creative muse inspired bringer of pain is Ramesh Thandani.  This was his first script followed by Operation Midnight Climax.   With this insight you can see what a treat you are in for.    Back to our wacky sophomores Rico and Will are playing what looks like Left4Dead 2 and Rico fades out after his victory dance.   Will stumbles through his explanation that he is cool with Jayne and likes her boobies.  Okay maybe not that bad but my God this boy needs some lessons in dealing with the opposite sex.   The two are back at his dorm for some action but low and behold a fade so no sex scene for you kids.    So our wacky young lad encounters some weird eroticism vampire dreamscape after he is bitten.  

Let’s give you all, the abridged version.   Ahem.   The fight scenes could have benefited from a stunt coordinator.   I mean it looks like a pre-teen schoolyard squabble in most.   Tony Todd has a very commanding performance that is simply wasted on this film.  Jason Connery was excellent as the impatient vampire to ascend to the throne if you will.  America Olivo, who I felt was seductive but the performance seemed hasty and her lines felt forced.   A.J. Draven and let us spare his feelings appeared to be out of his depth in playing a complex character such as a newly turned vampire struggling to keep his humanity and not give into the dark pleasures of the night.   Hell Denzel Washington would have had some issues with that and that cat is dynamite on the screen.  Also would have been a trifle bit difficult to envision Denzel Washington as a college student now.   Bottom line is this film tried to push where their time constraints and lack of budget and frankly just did not cut the mustard.   You have a potentially decent flick if more time was taken with it.  Maybe with new edits or re-shoots with A.J. and tell him to emote dammit.    Suffice to say this vampire film sucked after many fashions.

Black & White: Good or Evil?

Now normally when I give a review about a game I am weighing the pros and cons of it but with Black & White it is damn near impossible to bad mouth it. Lionhead Studios released Black & White in 2001.  Published by Electronic Arts for both Windows and Mac, this game got instant raves allowing you to be either a savior or a devil. Due to its popularity, a expansion came out, followed by its sequel Black & White2.   The tutorial (unfortunately you cannot skip through that) starts as soon as you are brought into this world as a new deity. No sooner do you rescue a child from ravenous sharks; the villagers wish to worship and praise your name. You are then greeted by your collective conscience of evil and good or black and white if you will. Both will offer advice to situations as each new problem or crisis is put before you. Each task can be handled with benevolence or malice. The choice is yours. I feel you cannot properly understand a game until you have explored all the angles and opportunities that both good and evil provide so without further adieu here are the highlights to good.

Good: You are the toast of the town and the answer to all prayers. As a good deity you will find worshippers come quickly to prayer. As this is your flock you must watch and tend to them. Assign them work and life. Creating disciples is a snap. The options are builder, breeder, farmer, fisherman or woodsman. Your disciples will continue this line of work that you saw them fit to do until the day they die. This includes breeders, so if you do not want a population increase to epic level, be a bit choosy as to how many breeders you possess, because they are like rabbits.

Part of being a loving god is to take all the problems in your stride and assist them as best as you can. Aiding you in these endeavors will be a pet you can nurture with love and understanding. Providing compassion to this creature is not only kind but a must in the game. Teach it to respect the people and land to create a better harmony for all. With each problem correctly taken care of, a reward is assured and happier worshippers are bountiful. Bear in mind that you will not make them happy 100% of the time. You can only do the tasks, provide miracles to astound and bewilder them and in general and guard them from harm from evil deities. While some might view this as a thankless task, yours is a higher calling to the children you wish to strive in your land.

Evil: Corrupter of youth and destroyer of men, yours is a task behold to the pathetic mortals that dare ask for favors. Constantly underfoot and demanding, these mortals attempt to take up your precious time with requests of benevolence of which you have none. You strive to obtain powers and wreak havoc across the land leaving these frightened simpletons cowering in their little, hopeless lives awaiting to be the next sacrifice to your awesome might. When one of their neighbors goes to the altar for blood sacrifice, they should be down on their knees praising you for not ending them.

Fear is an excellent motivator and provides more worship in your name. Their children will learn to abide by your rules or be fed to the fiendish creature you command with a ruthless iron fist. You will revel in delight as your creature hurls lightning and fireballs from sheer boredom or just in general malice. Cackle from high above at the wanton destruction in your name. Oh it is good to be the god.

The story is in your hands. Do what you will and enjoy.