Death Camp III in 2D!

Hiya folks, we are back again! So once again, I have been called upon for my humble writing skills to give a movie a review. Not too shocking as that is kind of my schtick. A young writer/director Matt Frame (Where's Mary Jane, Baghdad or Bust, GGG: One Night Stab and No Joke) contacted me directly as he will be attending the Requiem FearFest in Montreal and wanted my take on what I took away from his film.

Now this is actually a horror spoof, so yes a horror/comedy on a popular Paramount slasher, so expect a few Crystal Lake references as you read this. This is Camp Death III in 2D!

Mongo is easily startled.  Just a cat off camera.

In spite of the backstory...I mean exposition of Camp Crystal Meph having ghost stories of Johann Van Damme (Terry Mullet of Alcatraz, Fringe, Red Widow, Almost Human, Van Helsing, Supergirl and Jude's Hope), a vengeful killer that stocks these here woods, mutilating corpses and probably putting on his own backwoods production of The Muppets. With properly sewn flesh puppets. The remaining survivor, Alice (Cynthia Chalmers of Behind the 8 Ball, Rippers and Camp Death III in 2D!) stops Johann...for now.

Hmm you'd think this would be a bad idea to restart the camp but never stopped Camp Rolling Hills  (Sleepaway Camp II reference!!) so onward and upward, Camp Crystal Meph. Lead counselor Todd Boogjumper (Dave Peniuk of Night Owl High, What We Once Were, The Young Eccentrics, Rushback and The Wrong People) is a man. A man with a goal. To turn his uncle's formerly cursed campgrounds into a rehabilitation center for the mentally ill. Yup, a woodsy region cut off of main roads, communications and nutters. Well that can only go swimmingly, can't it?

Uncle Mel (Darren Andrichuk of In the End, Standard Action, Phantom, 3 Hours till Dead and What We Once Were) seems less than impressed with this turn out but I guess he owes loan sharks so he goes along with Todd's plan. Special girl Rachel (Angela Galanopoulos of Sentience, NPC, Michelle's, Ice, Camp Death III in 2D! And Little Olivier) believes in the goals aside for the camp, getting the folk that gave a crap up until a week ago, some righteous God fearing help but of course she had...an accident. Remember, half of half assed writing is a tragic story in the background. Or she makes toliet on the floor.

WE DEMAND BOOTY! Silence male sexist pig boy! Sorry they always sneak in to slasher films. We have period based 80s hairstyles, clothing and totally the lingo. Cue Kane Hodder!!

Filmed in Michael Myers stalker vision.

The composition is similar to Harry Manfredi on the piano helps capture the mood.  We have all the cliches.  A squirrely elderly warning of the dangers of Crystal Meph, irritable bad boys, jiggly girls, the practical joker, sex fiends and sex addicts.   I am pretty sure we will have some psychic phenomenons as well.    Kind of disappointed to not seeing a pedophile cook archetype from Sleepaway Camp.

A few points of observation. I get the huge impact the third Friday the 13^th had on folk but this honestly feels more like a dig on the second and fifth movie with more killer POV shots, the more troubled teens to twenty somethings and the fact they are all...not mentally above board.

Now we need weed, booze and per-marital sex and our slasher will manifest from the woods with weapon of choice.   How about an axe made up of dead badgers?  Hey I have seen the machete, chainsaw, and butcher knife. Gimme something unusual. Howzabout a musical number?

Campers and staff alike are dying in horrific ways...may be something to this lunatic in the woods thing. Is it Johann from beyond the grave or an elaborate fan turned copycat killer???

On an estimate of 35,000 CAD, this film has rauchy, goofy and having fun. Clearly this was never meant to be taken seriously, Even the squirrels hate Uncle Mel. Very reminiscent of Airplane or the lesser known horror spoof, Pandemonium with Tom Smothers, Carol Kane, Judge Reinhold, Phil Hartman and Victoria Carroll; manages to be clever where Scary Movie failed miserably after its first film. Even then, the dick and fart jokes were tedious rather than amusing.

This film is tackling a series 30 years old, trying to not make too many current references and cash in on the myriad of tropes and cliches' is what parody was meant for. To pick on story lines with so many holes in it, you feel like plot points were completely missed, forgotten or no one gave a damn, gives you a sense of fans having fun and taking notes.

So take your brain off the hook, watch and learn and maybe you will pick up enough pointers how to torment your own franchise. I'll see about a The Texas Chainsaw Massacre with a chili cook-off, vindictive characters, a coming of age love story and discount chain of fireworks deaths.   I'll work on that write up.

Counselor Bad Touch!

Felissa Rose Week: Camp Dread

Welcome back for Day 4 of the Week starring the lovely and talented Felissa Rose.  Now this time around it is going to sound like a complaint when in fact, it is merely an observation. We all know that the Hollywood remake, re-imagining and reboots are a happening and a lot of folks want you to notice it primarily around dramas, comedies and westerns. That being said, horror gets this so often that it is a bit exhausting. Today's film revolves around the reality show slasher event or "The Real Survivor" if you will. This time though, it's kind of clever. This is Camp Dread.

Sir, what does, "Lambs to the slaughter," mean?

Yeah I know the title just screams Friday the 13^th or Sleepaway Camp but bear with me. Director/writer B. Harrison Smith (Camp Dread, ZK: Elephant's Graveyard, 360 Degrees of Hell, Garlic & Gunpowder and Death House) tells the sordid tale of down and out B-movie director/writer Julian Barrett (Eric Roberts of Star 80, The Pope of Greenwich Village, Best of the Best, The Specialist, The Immortals, Doctor Who, Justice League and Wolves of Wall Street) is clawing his way back to main stream after a stint in the 80s with his Summer Camp horror trilogy's money finally ran out. My guess cocaine, Ferrari and possible a couple of divorces but this is all theory.  To recapture that glory, Barrett plans to a reality TV show starring a bunch of misfits entitled rich kids that are in need of rehab or honestly some jail time.

From this day forth, refer to me as "The Master".

Local sheriff Donlyn (Danielle Harris of Halloween 4: Return of Michael Myers, Halloween 5: Revenge of Michael Myers, The Last Boy Scout, The Wild Thornberrys, Father of the Pride, Halloween, Halloween II, Fear Clinic, Hatchet II, Stake Land, Hallow's Eve and See No Evil 2) takes her late father's position as much as she can seeing the hell that man had dying of cancer. Keeping the peace but not ruffling feathers with Barrett, she just wants to be kept in the loop. To help wrangle the kids' shenanigans to minimum, Barrett suckers two former co-stars of Summer Camp, scream queen turned therapist Rachel (Felissa Rose of Sleepaway Camp, The Night We Never Met, Nikos the Impaler, Horror, Zombiegeddon, Dead Serious, Satan's Playground, Dead and Gone, Psycho Sleepover, Return to Sleepaway Camp and Dahmer vs. Gacy) and John Hill (Brian Gallagher of Who is Jose Luck?, Kodachrome, Close-Up, Time, Miss December, Carl, 6 Degrees of Hell, Nobody Gets Out Alive, Grand Theft Auto V and ZK: Elephant's Graveyard) to run these kids through a series of slasher attacks they have to avoid and the last one left standing gets a million greenbacks. Sweet deal, right?

Off camera, Eric Roberts is mooning her.

But what if even the reality TV show is a hoax as well and Barrett is using the footage to make another Summer Camp sequel without the kids' knowledge? To be honest, most of the characters should be bound to boards, give shallow cuts to bleed out and be dropped by a helicopter into shark infested waters but that is also the one-dimensional creation of them. In fact, the only one of them Novak (Joe Raffa of The Play-Station Killed the Puppet, Close-Up, 6 Degrees of Hell, Socia Media Misfits, Camp Dread, ZK: Elephant's Graveyard and Booted) has any real molding and Raffa runs with it.  Aside from Roberts, Harris and Rose I found the younger cast a little hard to take in.

Will the kids die out one by one? Will Felissa pick up an ax and deal with the killer? Will Danielle Harris give the killer the Hatchet treatment?

A lot of nods to at least 3 different slasher films that really brought the duplicates to light in the 1980s as we have Felissa Rose (Angela of Sleepaway Camp) in the Summer Camp series, Gallagher's character name is John Hill a hybrid of Halloween's writer/director/composurer John Carpenter and producer Debra Hill and the oh so subtle naming of Adrienne reference to Adrienne King who played Alice in Friday the 13^th. Bottom line? Not a bad flick. Decent gore gags, the pacing is smooth and not rushed but with the current stream of horror you really don't feel bad for the characters getting gacked. Oh no, the horrid bitch of the group died...so tragic. 

 Eric Roberts seems a bit detached from this role but still gives a good performance and I love how Felissa is perky and cheery. That cracked me up. A decent cast, a few twists and admittedly a few tropes of rattling doorknobs and snapping sticks out in the woods but those are camper slasher needs dammit. At the end of it, you have a good product using some 80s cliches trying to give that throwback feel but at the same time attempting to be its own.

Can't...get...my...contact out!!!

Felissa Rose Week: Slaughter Party

Howdy all and welcome to the week. After touching base with the actress plugging actor/writer/director Sean Whalen's(Waterworld, Twister, Suicide Kings, Idle Hands, Python, Drive Thru and Hatchet III) project for IndieGoGo fundraiser of Crust, a man and his sock monster. Now how can you walk away from something that sounds that insane? That being said, I made a bold statement to said actress that I need to do a week for her films.  We are doing a Felissa Rose Week. This is Slaughter Party.

Say...do I need a Tic-Tac?

Now keep in mind this is a Troma Studios creation sooooo.... I am hoping this doesn't hit Toxie territory. I have been pretty hard on Lloyd Kaufman and yeah I am not writing/directing or producing so I will tone down the stupid remarks. Hopefully have some fun remarks. We open with a three chord power slap thrash metal band and as soon as two dudes and a dwarf have whimsical jaunty music following them. No offense to the dwarf gentleman Mighty Mike Murga but I see one on film, my brain immediately goes to Bloodsucking Freaks or The Sinful Dwarf Z-grade exploitation films. Not sure why.

Looks like what we have a day to dismember....*Who CSI Theme*

They give a bit of exposition on this area of having an escaped lunatic dwelling in this cave in a remote region of desert and clearly they need to explore it Scooby Doo style. I was waiting for them to split up next or twist an ankle. What? Can only girls and women twist their ankle from a lumbering slow maniac or monster? So sexist. Looking a wee bit like Bronson Caves...again. A mad scientist (Ford Austin of Shank's Mare, Creepies 2, Cerebral Print: The Secret Files and Terminal) slaughters doofus 1 and 2 leaving the dwarf tied up and cackles like Spoony's Doctor Insano while...violating the Dwarf Craig.

Yup, flash forward to an internet date and well...I'm not sure I even want to explain how messed up Craig is now but he offs the date. We'll leave it at that.

I guess he snuck into another blonde's apartment and stabbed and pulled a mad scientist on her too. No real rhyme or reason, he's just crazy and blood thirsty now. Three weeks later. A title card told me so, Blond #2 was known as Mel (Annmarie Lynn Gracey of Desert of Death, Absolute Horror, Attitude for Destruction, Reptisaurus and Black Russian) is mourned by sister Tara (Felissa Rose of Taken Alive, Bloodhounds II, Dinner and Driving, Daybreak, Nikos the Impaler, Zombiegeddon, The Drone Virus and Satan's Playground ) while her best friend Kerri (Sarah Rosenberg of Foxfire, The Skin Horse, Shooting Nick, Two Fisted, Worn Like a Tattoo and Stray) telling her to get her ass out of her house and live a little...perhaps too little MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA...ahem...moving on.

Well the camera man was not shy.

So they are off to party in only enough the insane doctor's desert lands which means stripping down to bikinis. Detectives Cage (Ric Drasin of Ben, Flashfire, The Kid with X-ray Eyes, Active Stealth, Mach 2, Prank Attack and AWF Throwdown) and Donovan (Adult Actor Seymore Butts of Seymore Butts Swings, Seymore Butts: In the Love Shack, Bustin' Out My Best, Backdoor to Buttsville Gluteus to the Maximus, Assgasms and Tushy Girls Live) are hot on the case of two dismembered blondes...cuz California needs more of those I guess.

Can Craig the now knife wielding dwarf but put to a stop?? Is the mad scientist lurking about?? Will there be jiggly boobies??

Tad bit of trivia for those still reading and I loathe Urban Dictionary yet again, a slaughter party meets a festive get together were there are more females than males so clearly folks getting laid or a mass orgy. FYI, do not traipse through Urban Dictionary. You will be forever changed and NOT for the better.

Felissa Rose gives this goofy script a serious performance, Scream Queen Brinke Stevens (Private School, Slumber Party Massacre, Sole Survivor, Fatal Games, Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, Cheerleader Massacre) makes an appearance and I am still snickering at Lloyd Kauffman's kill all the midgets rant. The plot is ridiculous, the sound editor needs to be fired...out of a cannon. The killer midget idea was fun but poorly executed. They just didn't go far enough for this route and it felt more offensive than funny and dark. Ron Jeremy is in this as well being cheesy and silly and frankly about the only thing to keep me even watching this. Director Fred Rosenberg's directorial debut overall flopped but again the starting of this goes to the writer, which is also Fred Rosenberg.

Potentially messed up story just lost in bad sound editing, sub plots that really went nowhere and using Brinke and Ron as cameos. Yeah I had to put on close captioning because I could barely hear the actors period. With implied lesbianism, pot smoking and typical boozing this entire terrifying film was shot in the hell loop of about 2 in the afternoon. 

Such a lifelike pinata!