Shut Up Wesley Week: The Naked Now

Welcome readers to Day 1 of Shut Up Wesley Week. As promised there will be disgruntlement aimed at the adolescent trekker of the stars. I felt it proper to hit up the third episode of first season fresh from the adventures at Farpoint station and the enigmatic Q we continue on our journeys. This is The Naked Now.

Wes, that is an unlicensed nuclear accelerator.  Be careful.

Off to rendezvous with a science vessel recording a super giant about to collapse in a matter of hours. However the seemingly drunken and nearly pornographic messages sent from the S.S. Tsiolkovsky has the Enterprise a bit baffled. Only after hearing what sounded like an emergency bulkhead removed and blowing folks into space the crew thinks something is amiss. With the ship in tractor beam the away team heads to the science vessel to investigate. Then Lt. La Forge (LeVar Burton of Roots, The Midnight Hour, The Supernaturals, Reading Rainbow, Captain Planet and the Planeteers and Transformers: Rescue Bots) encounters a frozen body that carried some virulent disease that seems to inhibit the capacity for rational thought and dulls morals... i.e. too much liquor. Unknowingly carrying this virus, he meets with Wesley (Wil Wheaton of The Last Starfighter, Stand by Me, Toy Soldiers, Deep Core, Python, Neverland, Eureka and The Legion of Superheroes) showing off a homemade tractor beam and an audio recorder with the Captain's voice that La Forge infects the precocious lad as well.

I see a bald spot, Data. Report to mechanical for a touch up.

Dr. Crusher (Gates McFadden of The Hunt for Red October, Star Trek: Generations, Marker, Mad About You and Franklin& Bash)cannot explain why the decontamination system didn't isolate and eradicate this virus, nor can she account for what it is but only its symptoms are similar to an incident of a viral outbreak on the Enterprise under Kirk's command (Would have shot the little Irishman that wouldn't stop singing. Hell, I wanted to blast him out an airlock.) and hopes that could produce a cure.

With Lt. Yar (Denise Crosby of Arizona Heat, Skin Deep, The Flash, Key West, Red Shoe Diaries, Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman and The Walking Dead) also infected by the virus she finds comfort... in the android Lt. Data's (Brent Spiner of Night Court, Corrina Corrina, Gargoyles, Independence Day, Star Trek: Enterprise, Fresh Hell and Warehouse 13) arms and his... fully functional techniques. With the ship having technical errors left and right it is only a matter of time before the Supergiant goes off and with the lack of a capable crew leaves the Enterprise vulnerable to be turned into the contents of tinned potato salad. Wesley heads to Engineering to stir up trouble and cause some hijinks.

Can the crew and ship be saved? Will the virus ravage them all? Will little Timmy be transported from the well that Lassie left him to die in?

And now some trivia! Oh get over it, this always happens.

Gene Roddenberry had hope recycling the scripts from the original Star Trek with a bigger effect budget would boost some ratings but the fans were not overtly thrilled with the remake of The Naked Time that he scrapped that plan to make episodes too closely similar to the originals.

This is the first time Captain Kirk is referenced by name in Star Trek: The Next Generation. Wesley's re-imagined repulser (or Repulsor) beam seems almost borrowed from Sulu re-modulation of the ship's tractor beam during Who Mourns for Adonais but again this was a 14 year-old that created it so don't get it twisted, trekkers. Sheesh, some people.   

KNEEL BEFORE YOUR NEW MASTER!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Superhero Film Week: Swamp Thing

Welcome back boys and girls to another helping of Superhero Film Week.  I thought I would point out the differences to the MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America) ratings from the early 80’s to current.  The Christian Morality campaign was in high swing and felt films needed to be rated by the government to cut down on violence and nudity since Hollywood wasn’t doing their jobs according to these yahoos.   With stricter clauses inserted the ratings for the next film I am reviewing would be rated R rather than the PG rating it was given in the day.  Why would that be on a comic book film you ask?  Well DC Comics had more mature collections as well including this very character I am going to babble on and on about.   So grab those hip waders, watch for alligators and do not bring your evil here.   This is Swamp Thing.

No hitchhikers!!!

Dr. Anton Arcane: A man who loves gives hostages to spoiler.

Based on the DC Comics horror series, House of Secrets; a tragic tale of a scientist striving only to better the world and humanity was met with a near fatal end.  A new metamorphosis on life if you will and this translated to a later series known as Swamp Thing.  Director Wes Craven (The Last House on the Left, The Hills Have Eyes, A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Serpent and the Rainbow, Night Visions and Scream) embraced the terror and conflict side of this comic book and brought it to life.

Must not stare at cleavage...maybe a glance.

Government agent Alice Cable (Adrienne Barbeau of Escape from New York, The Fog, Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death, Batman the Animated Series, The Drew Carey Show and God of War III) has been assigned to protect a pair of scientists Dr Alec Holland (Ray Wise of Robocop, Knots Landing, Twin Peaks, The Chase, Ressurection Blvd., and Reaper) and Linda Holland (Nannette Brown of Swamp Thing and My Boyfriend’s Back) because of the practicalities and applications of Holland’s formula.  A formula that allows both plant and animal to survive and adapt even thrive in the harshest of conditions.  

Scalp massage?

Of course with every good intention something wicked lurks behind it as a rival scientist Anton Arcane (Louis Jordan of Letter from an Unknown Woman, Gigi, Made in Paris, To Commit a Murder and Year of the Comet) and his army of mercenaries, shoot just about everyone involved, torch the place like a Vietnamese village and make off with Holland’s notebooks.  Alec falls into the swamps coated in his formula and on fire.  

Cable escapes and invades the mercs while trying to call for help and she sees a 6 foot 5 plant creature emerge from the swamps and swat Arcane’s bully boys around like they were house flies.  As she heads for cover the creature acknowledges her name and makes known that he is Holland. This now towering plant humanoid seeks revenge on Arcane.

Now I have just a few comments about the movie.  It does have the 1950’s atomic mutation feel of a monster film yes but the source material gave that option.  The classic struggle of good vs. evil and for all its flaws Louis Jordan was an exquisite villain and his right hand man Ferret (David Hess of The Last House on the Left, Hitch Hike, House on the Edge of the Park, Nutcracker, Zombie Nation and Cabin Fever) is the personification of scumbag.  He just comes off as this leering rapist/murderer that probably savaged many a village during that lovely war. 

Made ya a convertible there, chief!

Poor Swamp Thing (Dick Durock of Coast to Coast, Braker, Silverado and Swamp Thing the TV Series) had to be melting in his mostly thick rubber suit trudging through the swamps and not falling on his face was a real compliment to his balance.  And no we shant speak of the unfortunate sequel by Jim Wynorski.  One last tidbit is Friday the 13th famed composer Harry Manfredini did the composure for this film as he was a regular working with Wes Craven projects.

Charlton Heston Week: Planet of the Apes

Well I have hinted and eluded to the film for the last two days so you knew it was inevitable.  The 1967 sci-fi classic depiction of Pierre Boulle’s Monkey Planet with a substantial cast, brilliant cinematography, a wonderful soundtrack and the dawning era of prosthetic FX make-up for the 20^th century.   So stock up on bananas, grab the lore keeper’s copy of the sacred scrolls and don’t forget to wash your throwing hand.   This is Planet of the Apes.

 

Time for your tick bath, Bright Eyes.

You know the saying, Spoilers see, Spoilers do.

From the creative treatment of Michael Wilson (A Place in the Sun, 5 Fingers, Lawrence of Arabia and The Sandpiper) and Rod Serling (Playhouse 90, Armchair Theatre, Twilight Zone, The Loner, The Man and Rod Serling’s Night Gallery) and director Franklin J. Schaffner (The Defenders, The Stripper, The DuPont Show of the Week, Patton, Papillon and The Boys from Brazil) sought out to create a standing of this civilization compromised of apes.

You will feel confident with your new hair.

Commander George Taylor (Charlton Heston of Will Penny, The Hawaiians, Skyjacked, The Call of the Wild, The Three Musketeers, The Four Musketeers, Earthquake, Midway and The Awaking) a cynical poet and astronaut is pondering the imponderables of the nature of the universe and the absurdity of the cosmos while making his final journal entry as he is scheduled to a deep cryogenic slumber as his space journey comes to an end.   His vessel crash lands on re-entry as his crew members Landon (Robert Gunner of Frontier Circus, Our Man Flint, The Green Hornet, Caprice and The Jackals) and Dodge (Jeff Burton of Rod Serling’s Night Gallery, The Manhunter, The Mad Bomber, Coffy and Street Sisters) as they explore this wasteland of a planet being more than 2000 years into their future.  This will be where they must stay until they can call for help.

   

After exploring for 3 days they encounter a lush cornfield full of primitive humans who panic and flee from apes on horseback?   A planet of buffalo bills with fur??   Our astronauts flee for their lives and get separated during this insane dash through the fields and Taylor is shot and wounded.  He awakes in a camp with other humans but they display less intelligence or thinking process beyond instinctual.  You can manage debates were a bit difficult but not impossible.  The city, society, religion and economics are constructed solely by apes which makes you wonder if they have it right after all.

 

Think I have some rabbit in my teeth. Check for me?

And now, I would like to make a few comments and facts about the movie if you don’t mind.  Edward G Robinson (The Last Gangster, Confession of a Nazi Spy, Double Indemnity, Key Largo, The Stranger, The Ten Commandments and Soylent Green) was intended to play Dr. Zaius instead of Maurice Evans but the prosthetics made Robinson claustrophobic and disturbed his heart so he had to bow out of the project.  The primary locations for said movie were Malibu Creek State Park in Calabasas California with Vasquez Rock as well as Glen Canyon in Utah.    This film was shot entirely in Panavision via helicopter aerial shots, tight zooms, dolly and hand held.  It is dark, brilliant and offers some amusing concepts as well as a different view of humanity as a whole.

Superhero Week: The Incredible Hulk

Back again kids for day 2 of Superhero Week and let’s dive into a world of super science.  The in-depth look at the cause of gamma radiation and possible adverse effects it may have on a psychological and physical level.   So grab your knapsack, let’s hitchhike and above all else don’t make me angry.   This is The Incredible Hulk.

And you thought steroids are bad, avoid gamma radiation kids.

Spoilers smash puny humans!

Doctor David Bruce Banner (Bill Bixby of My Favorite Martian, The Courtship of Eddie’s Father, The Magician, Rex Harrison Presents Stories of Love and True Confessions) is making a study of untapped potential.  The ability to harness strength that resides in the human cells during times of crisis for the betterment of humanity when he is accidently received an overdose of gamma radiation.  Now with cases of extreme stress he undergoes a transmogrification of unparallel proportions.  

Hard lenses make me angry!

From a body mass change from 5’9” to 6’5” his Hyde persona a.k.a. The Hulk (Lou Ferrigno of Hercules, Trauma Center, Desert Warrior, The Incredible Hulk Returns and Sinbad of the Seven Seas) is an easily upset rampaging monster when he feels threatened or if what in his primal mind he feels is an innocent threatened.   With every new transformation, Doctor Banner awakes in a new location that the Hulk has traveled great distances to.  After faking his death and not causing more issues for loved ones and colleagues, Banner must find peace and the ability to control his rage.  Doing odd jobs in order to access scientific research for a cure, Banner is also chased by a persistent reporter, Jack McGee (Jack Colvin of Jeremiah Johnson, Rooster Cogburn, Scorpio, The Stone Killer, The Terminal Man, The Incredible Hulk Returns and Child’s Play) who is attempting to prove that Doctor Banner in fact did not die in that explosion and his Hulk persona is linked to Banner.  Banner seems to have the worst luck as he is constantly running into people with hard luck stories, being bullied or otherwise unsavory characters about.  The Hulk becomes an unsung hero in these people’s eyes.   Granted if Banner is ever caught by the authorities or let alone it gets out he is this massive beast, the charges of destruction of property, private and city alone would leave him bankrupt.

And now a few fun facts of the show.    Arnold Schwarzenegger was considered for the Hulk role but his Mr. Olympia buddy Lou was taller and more the speed they wanted to go and besides no one wanted to hear the Hulk announce he’d be back.  Bill Bixby wouldn’t let his son watch the show due to the boy’s father transforms into a large creature of rage.   Bet he would have eaten his green beans, spinach and Brussels sprouts though.  The average cost per episode was $600,000.  As the Hulk is always barefoot from ruining Banner’s loafers, Ferrigno was fitted for some Hulk green colored slippers and you can occasionally notice this in the series but don’t go looking for flubs or it will drive ya crazy.

Psst your fly's open.

This show was also one of the few shot primarily on location via Universal Studios and regions of Las Vegas so Dan Tanna, don’t make him angry. 

This is a major element of my childhood and I would dare say I never missed an episode of The Hulk at all and while this is not completely faithful to the comics in the same way the Spider-Man series had with its comic, it is still one of the best representations of live-action comic book heroes on the screen.  Yeah take that Lois and Clark!