Howdy girls and boys!!! Welcome back and boy did I come up with some silly for this week. After being a loyal fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and also reviewing movies for Epinions.com for a couple of years; I noticed a constant in the realm of B grade films marketing. The need to alter the title numerous times throughout the regions. For some, this is a means to improve the sales. For others it is a simple factor that the original title does not translate well from language to language.
Sir, my suit is chaffing.
Personally, I think it is to drive critics completely crackers so they don't know what flick they are actually seeing. Thus inspired is the theme of the week. So sit back, relax and I hope you get a kick out of Alternative Title Week.
Welcome back to SG-1 Picks of the Week. First off I would like to apologize for not
being around for the last couple of days but sinus headaches kicked in on
Wednesday. Yay me! Moving right along I thought give the myriad
of two part episodes this series loves to do we could touch base on one of my
favorites. So dial the DHD, watch for
the event horizon and dive through the Chappa’ai. This is Stargate: SG-1 Avalon.
Hey Teal'c, throw me the false idol. heh.
Vala Mal Doran: There’s
nothing I hate more than a bold-faced spoiler.
After months of intense physical therapy from an F-302 crash
in the Antarctic; Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell (Ben Browder of Memphis Belle, Party
of Five, Farscape, Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars, Stargate: The Ark of Truth
and Stargate: Continuum) assumes his prize command, SG-1. Only the band seems to have gone their
separate ways. Now Lt. Colonel Sam
Carter is residing in Area 51 and heading up the better portions of reverse
engineering alien tech for Air Force use.
Many years of the struggles of the Goa’uld, Teal’c’s people the Jaffa
are finally able to create a world of peace and unity their own but what this
Jaffa nation does in its infancy can affect it for generations to come. Dr. Daniel Jackson is on his way to Atlantis
to better help the SG: Atlantis expedition run smoothly.
Well Jackson at least she isn't Willy or Short Round.
So who the hell is Mitchell leading into unknown
dangers? As Mitchell is batting 0 for 3
an unscheduled wormhole kicks in and now base commander; Major General Landry (Beau
Bridges of The Iron Triangle, The Fabulous Baker Boys, The Agency, Stargate:
Atlantis and Stargate: The Ark of Truth) gets a report from the Beta
site monitoring station that an unknown woman has appeared asking for Dr.
Jackson. Moments delayed due to a
frisking, the men bring her to the SGC to shock and dismay the SG-1 fans it is
the same confidence trickster that beat the crap out of Daniel in Season
8.
Now we slay the makers of Krull!
Vala Mal Doran (Claudia Black of Hercules: The Legendary
Journeys, City Life, Pitch Black, Queen of the Damned, Farscape and Farscape:
The Peacekeepers War) a former host to a Goa’uld has managed to congeal
her way back to the SGC and explain to Daniel she has found reference to a
great treasure but she cannot read the Ancient writings. As Teal’c is visiting the SGC, he decides to
accompany Daniel, Vala and Mitchell to this dig site in Glastonbury or rather
several meters under it. Then the real
adventure begins…
Part 2: As our band of explorers reveal in their extreme
cleverness for discovers a tomb of an Ancient known as Meyordan or as he is
known on Earth, Merlin. So a few death
defying traps later, the team is awarded with gold, jewels and various trinkets
of which this viewer went, “SGC budget for the next 3 years.” Daniel discovers a book written in Ancient
speaking of the people of Atlantis and how they traveled across the galaxies,
they further mention of how these people differed in their point of view. As several of them ascended, some wished to
be worshipped and feared while others chose a path of enlightenment and
humility. The recon team discovered an
ample device that looks like a long range communications device…of course NO
ONE knows how to turn the damn thing on or how it even works!!
Sir, we frisked her many times over.
Meanwhile back at the base, General Landry
must balance being professional and personal when the primary physician is his
daughter Dr. Carolyn Lam (Lexa Doig of TekWar, TekWar: TekLords,
Traders, Jason X and Andromeda) who he is very strained from. So there is that little bit of subplot
there. As Daniel and Vala bonded due to
an alien device they proceed to examine the long range communications device as
well. Their bodies go completely limp
and fall as their subconscious minds seem to inhabiting a couple of humans’
light years away.
Well he's no Redford, ladies but have at him.
What will happen to
them? Will they get back home? Will the sexual tension between them ever be
cut through? Does Mitchell like fishing
as much as O’Neill? Will Teal’c be
allowed more hair? Will a group of the
Asgard ever do the funky chicken? Hey
we may cover these very questions at a later date.
Welcome back to Day 3 of SG-1 Picks of the Week and I have
one of the more humorous episodes of the seventh season. Imagine if you will coming into SGC only to
hear some disgruntlements and seeing baffled faces. Apparently a young man broke on to the base
using Colonel O’ Neill’s base ID. As General
Hammond and Major Carter interrogate the lad they discover he claims to be Jack
aged 30 years in reverse. So batten down
the hatches, prepare yourselves for the teenage years and stop trying to sneak
a beer. This is Stargate: SG-1: Fragile
Balance.
A tale of two O' Neills.
Teal’c: Are you
conducting some sort of scientific experiment, O’Neill?
Jack O‘Neill: Hey, come
on, that spoiler’s still good.
Confusion and disarray happens in Stargate Command as a 15
year old boy attempts to breach security using Colonel O’ Neill’s base ID and
explains to the nay sayers that he is in fact Jack O’ Neill. Too bizarre you say? Come on, this is status
quo for this base. Carter and Dr.
Fraiser each try to figure out what is to be gained by regressing Jack’s age as
the team investigates Jack’s house.
Finding a terrifying aging salsa and some leftover Thai food
they come up with not a whole lot until Jack remembers subconsciously he may
have been abducted…possibly by an Asgardian.
This of course raises more questions on why would the Asgard do such a
thing to their allies let alone to the first human that has shown an amazing
evolutionary step in our genetics.
Yes, I am having the Coco Pebbles and what of it?
Unbeknownst to Jack, his situation is direr than he was lead
to believe. We find out that not only he
was de-aged but his body is actually dying as well. Knowing full well Earth based medicine has
nothing to combat this and the Asgard is taking their sweet ass time to
respond, Jack leaves the base and goes off the grid. The SG team find out that Jack may not be
Jack after all according to Jacob Carter/ Selmak (Carmen Argenziano of L.A. Law,
Booker, Melrose Place, Angels with Angles and CSI: NY) it would appear
that Jack is actually a clone. So where
is the original? Will we be able to get
him back and catch the Asgardian responsible for this pain in the butt? What do they do with the clone once they
have the original?
Now just some fun notions of this episode in question. Young Jack tries to con people to buy him
beer. The pop culture jokes revolve
around The Island of Dr. Moreau and Austin Powers. The Asgardians Loki is voiced by Stargate:
SGI’s director Peter DeLuise (Stargate:
Atlantis, Kyle XY, SGU Stargate Universe, Sanctuary and R.L. Stine’s The
Haunting Hour) as Loki and Michael
Shanks (24, Stargate: The Ark of Truth, Stargate: Continuum, The Lost Treasure
of the Grand Canyon, Burn Notice and Smallville) voices Thor.
Remember Thor, the safety word is apples.
The briefing on the reversed engineered Death Glider a.k.a. the
F-302 is hilarious as a young Jack O’ Neill has to enlighten experienced
fighter jocks the ends and outs of the vessel from a pilot’s perspective. It is completely worth the view for just that
scene alone.
Alright, I’ll be honest
with ya, Bob. My name’s not Kirk. It’s Spoiler.
Going back in halls of time we find ourselves in Season 2,
Episode 21 as the SG-1 team is waiting in the gate room; Carter is plotting a
proper course of alignment for the gates in the event that time and space as
well as astronomical debris could cause an issue with the gate travel. The fellas are getting impatient but finally
the trek is on its way…or is it? Dun dun DUN!!!!
Sorry, I just can't take you seriously now.
Our team seems to bounce back from the gate signal and end
right back at the gate room when suddenly the gate disappears and is replaced
with…a Titan Missile?? Cheyenne Mountain
seems too gone back to its original standing of being a missile silo testing
facility and SAC system. But how can
this be unless…yes, without the aid of Dr. Emmet Brown the SG team has gone
back in time. No sooner does Teal’c
stop them from being roasted alive by rocket fire with a zat gun, the team is
taken in custody by base personnel.
How can they explain their advanced technology, let alone
their alien tech? Is Area 51 even in use
or will they be debriefed by the CIA??
Have they even a chance of getting back home or will they have to live
out their lives in some remote portion of the planet and historical
events? What of Timmy trapped in the
well?
Okay now that has been taken care of, I would like to point
out some of the interesting tidbits of this episode. One is seeing Teal’c rocking a Jimi Hendrix
wig. That was interesting to say the
least. I did have a few timeline nitpicks that cannot
be ignored. Our team is traveling east
from Colorado through Chicago and well there are shots of the Sears Tower. For those weak on history that building was
not completed until 1973. The M-16s the
guards were issued were sporting 30 round magazines instead of the standard 20
back in the day of 1969. Again these are
kind of petty but I thought they warranted mentioning.
Stop scaring the hippies!!!
Now the pop culture gags throughout the episode are
completely worth the viewing. The whole
cast got in plenty of zingers with the exception of stalwart Teal’c. Poor Christopher Judge is limited in lines
but makes up for it in action.
Greetings to SG-1 Picks of the Week and I think I have a
rather amusing and slightly saddening episode for you this first day. It tugs
on the heart strings, tickles the funny bone and in general is true to science
fiction so grab your Ellis pack, prep you MP 5 and dive into the Ring of the
Ancients. This is Stargate: SG-1-
Holiday.
Okay my nick knack collection needs moving, young man.
I do not have a sister,
Spoiler. And if I did I wouldn’t let you near her.
This little excursion hails from Season 2 Episode 17 which starts
us off in a distant world via the Stargate and there is a myriad of devices and
objects of unknown origin. As SG-1
proceeds to investigate they are greeted by an elderly man by the name of Ma’chello
(Michael
Shanks of Highlander, Escape from Mars, Stargate: Ark of Truth, Andromeda,
Stargate: Continuum, Stargate: Atlantis, Burn Notice and Red Riding Hood)
while dotty explains to the SG team that he is a freedom fighter against the
Goa’uld and has been tormenting them for more than 50 years. As he is showing a device of his own creation
to Dr. Daniel Jackson (Michael Shanks) Ma’chello falls to
the ground but Daniel seems fine.
You know chili peppers burn my guts!
The team rushes Ma’chello back to Stargate Command in the
hopes medical attention can help him.
Daniel feels a bit out of sorts and is informed by base commander
General Hammond (Don S Davis of Malone, MacGyver, 21 Jump Street, Twin Peaks and Broken
Badges) to go home and rest up.
Daniel is dropped off at his doorstep and proceeds to wander about,
speaking to total strangers, explaining that he is new to this land and
claiming his name is Ma’chello?
The base’s doctor Janet Fraiser (Teryl Rothery of Robocop: Alpha
Commando, Dragon Ball, Gadget and the Gadgetinis and Martin Mystery) has
to deal with the senility of Ma’chello claiming to be Daniel Jackson. You guessed it folks; it’s a body swap
episode. A staple of science fiction of the likes of
Star Trek: The Original Series. This wacky turn of events also requires Christopher Judge (Teal’c) and Richard Dean Anderson (Jack O Neil) to
play each other’s parts to a level that was killing me. This also showed Christopher Judge in a
different light and allowed him to have some inflection in his voice beyond, “Indeed.” The turn of phrase and mannerisms makes me
glad I do not have that many actor friends mocking and mimicking me.
You just beef??!
What is most enjoyable about this episode is we are not relegated
to an alien world or the base sound stage. In fact, most of this episode
consists of being out and about the town of alleged Colorado Springs i.e.
British Columbia. We got outside of the base people! That is huge in of itself.
Michael Shanks gets the most daunting of jobs in double work
as Daniel and Ma’chello and yes he is barely recognizable in the makeup and
only you hardcore SG fans will spot that.
Of course I just gave that away.
Whoops. Ma’chello also treats an
entire restaurant to lunch on Daniel’s dime.
Makes you wonder how big of a bill that was on his credit card. Yikes.
Howdy all! I am doing something a little different this time. I decided this week I would unearth some of my favorite Stargate: SG-1 episodes. No this does not mean the well has run dry for ideas; it merely means I wanted to share a bit with my readers for a change.
Jeez Bob. Must you always stand out?!
I will be covering several episodes from the 10 year series so I promise to capture every facet of the episode and all the while I do not bore you with too many details. I would also like to state that while this is a bit unorthodox I will strive to make it fun also. So stay tuned and don't fiddle with alien tech you know not of its origin.
Hidey ho Shatner fans and welcome to Day 4 of William
Shatner Week. We start off with a film
from the far away time of 1973…my mom hates when I do that. This film involves demons, Christian faith
and a steadfast plane. Sounds like a
hybrid of Incubus and Snakes on a Plane I know but fasten your safety belts,
keep your tray table in the upright position and place your oxygen mask on
first before assisting others. This is
The Horror at 37,000 Feet.
Dammit Trekkies, I said no autographs right now!
I don’t understand. Why did spoiler do it? For those people? You talked
to him last. Why?
Similar to the themes of Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark and Salem’s Lot, this TV movie comes to us as a telefilm that was
described to me as The Exorcist meets Airport.
A disturbing concept altogether; our plane bound for hell leaves
Heathrow Airport commanded by Captain Slade (Chuck Connors of The Rifleman,
Branded, Soylent Green and Airplane II: The Sequel) and his copilot
Frank Driscoll (H.M. Wynant of Perry Mason, Branded, The Search for the Evil One,
Gunsmoke and Conquest of the Planet of the Apes) as they embark their
way back to L.A. with ten whole passengers and 11,000 lbs of an almost reliquary
in the cargo hold. This would explain the
lack of extras on the plane.
SLEEEEEEEEP!
Architect Alan O’ Neil (Roy Thinnes of The Invaders, Black Noon, The
Manhunter, From Here to Eternity, Falcon Crest, Mind Benders, Dark Shadows and
Spectropia) and easily irksome wife Shelia (Jane Merrow of The Girl-Getters,
The Lion in Winter, Hands of the Ripper, Airwolf and Lovejoy) have
returned from Shelia’s ancestral home to wit they faced baseless lawsuits, back
breaking labor disputes and finally removed a sizeable chunk of the home to add
to their existing home in L.A. I believe this woman has either a sugar imbalance or does
not suffer fools lightly. Along for the
ride is spokesperson of the lawsuit impending mob Mrs. Pinder (Tammy
Grimes of Can’t Stop the Music, The Last Unicorn, Loving and High Art)
grumbling from coach and causing more migraines than bleach. A slightly inebriated and cynical former
priest Paul Kovalik (William Shatner of Barbary Coast, Perilous
Voyage, A Whale of a Tale, T.J. Hooker, TekWar, 3rd Rock from The
Sun and Osmosis Jones), a cantankerous millionaire Glen Faree (Buddy
Ebsen of Northwest Passage, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, The Beverly Hillbillies and
Barnaby Jones), a fashion model Annalik (France Nuyen of South Pacific,
Battle for the Planet of the Apes, St. Elsewhere, Knots Landing and The Joy
Luck Club) and a philosophical physician Dr. Enkalla (Paul
Winfield of Blue City, The Terminator, 227, L.A. Law, Babylon 5 and Dead of
Night) are all accounted for the flight from/to Hell.
This film does not even wait for the plane to take off as
Shelia hears a Gregorian chant with her name through her headphones, a freezing
wind travels through the cockpits chilling our captain and pilots and one of
the stewardesses is trapped between floors in the automated dumb waiter. What will happen next and to whom?
Hmm the script says you an ungrateful cow.
A few notes about the film I thought you might find
particularly interesting. This film has
a Lovecraft feel to it from the foley sound effects from Forbidden Planet, the
cut scene frost effects against the windows and the amazing music score of Morton Stevens (The Wild Wild West, Hawaii Five-O,
A Man Called Horse and Police Woman).
The tension is properly ratcheted, the characters are on edge and the
story develops nicely. The cast was very impressive and each
performance was rather good.
