Edward Mannix Week: The Shark Hunter

And we are back. Normally I don't blog on the weekends but this could not be helped. I attempted to find The Manhunt 1975 with Henry Silva but no dice so it is time for another Enzo Castellari flick again and no wars in sight. Boobage seems assured, men folk so simmer down. And for you ladies the awesome that is Franco Nero. This is The Shark Hunter a.k.a. Guardians of the Deep and Django and the Sharks.

Hulkamania comin' at ya brother!

Director Enzo Castellari ( High Crime, Street Law, The Heorin Busters, The Shark Hunter, 1990: The Bronx Warriors, Escape from the Bronx,Warriors of the Wasteland and Hammerhead ) is no stranger to action, adventure and sadly creature features where I cannot confirm if animals were killed or just dummies with blood bags. Shark hunter/recluse/woman pleaser/martial artist Mike di Donato (Franco Nero of Django, Street Law, The Last Days of Pompeii, Gaaribaldi the General, Django Strikes Again, Run for Your Life, Il Magistrato, Die Hard 2 and Django Unchained) a gruff and scruffy looking nerf herder spends his days hunting sharks with either a Bowie knife or a harpoon. The dude is intense. Pretty sure his sperm will make decathalon winners so ladies watch out.

Fabio hair can get you into fist fights.

When he isn't making records, love and a living; he is deep sea diving to a broken plane. The lagoon and coral that surrounds said plane has plenty of sharks at the ready no matter which route you took. Personally I envision sticks of dynamite to stun or kill the sharks and make my way down to the plane that smuggled more than 100 million dollars. The depths are too great for Mike as his equipment cannot be relied on, but fate or writer's twist he meets Acapulco (Jorge Luke of Ulzana's Raid, The Shark Hunter, Salvador,Trampa mortal, Cartel mortal and Clear and Present Danger) a savvy diver of a oceanographer's big rigged deep sea vessel who Mike tells of the treasure inside and has spent more than 2 years figuring out how to retrieve it.

Cabo's only bar apparently...they were allowed to shoot at.

But Mike may not be the only aware of the treasure co-ordinates as Douchy McWhitey Americano (Michael Forest of Ski Troop Attack, The Virginian, 100 Rifles,The Message, The Shark Hunter and Cast Away) seems to be chummy with a one Captain Gomez...voiced by our basso toned fellow Edward Mannix and sadly we do not hear him for 40 minutes but thank the Gods he was given a title named character. After Redneck Bastard via The Inglorious Bastards, my hopes felt dashed but Enzo was not about to disappoint me a second time.

With a gorgeous location of Mexico near Cabo, the cinematography is astounding, the cast is rounded out minus the female types as they are nothing more than eye candy and I was a trifle pissed at this. Granted they aren't well developed as characters as a whole but dammit a bit of fine tuning and they are backing up Nero or Forest as partners/Femme Fatales. Maybe that is just my take on it. Could have had the cliche' trope of the internal squabble for the money between partners and back and forth who gets it and so forth but nope. Relegated to eye candy jiggly girls.

Mike after the death of his wife and son, he threw himself in the Organization i.e. Mafia and a show down with Nero and Edward Mannix's voice is impeding. A running gag is Nero sticking chewing gum on people's heads. I guess a slight or insult there. Kind of gross I suppose. Mike is continuously has woken by nightmare flashbacks from the loss of his family or the plane crashing.

The music is confusing from having an almost Miami Vice feel to soft core porn music and at inappropriate times. Hell the boat/plane chase sounds like an industrial version of Sisters of Mercy tune. It has all the themes of having loved and lost, action, adventure, gunfights, fist fights and even a few decent chase scenes. Not a brilliant movie by half but I have seen far worse. Give it the once over if any of this sounds entertaining.

Walt, we let them get a bit closer and then eat them.

Alternative Title Week: The Bronx Warriors

Hiyas kids and welcome to Alternative Title Week.  Boy have I been scraping the bottom of the barrel for these cinematic wonders.  It would appear commonly in the latter 80’s that post-apocalyptic films are where the money is at.  With the success of John Carpenter’s Escape from New York and George Miller’s Mad Max that Italy was not far behind with its conglomerate of rip offs at the ready.  Prepare to be underwhelmed and less than flabbergast.  This is 1990: The Bronx Warriors a.k.a. The Bronx Warriors, Bronx Warriors, The Riffs and Warriors of the Bronx.

ICE CREAM MAN!!!!!!

Trash: You bastard! You work for the Spoiler Corporation!

Hmm, cannot help but feel like that spoiler was aimed at me.  Oh well.   Our esteemed director Enzo G. Castellari (Drango: A Bullet for You, The Inglorious Bastards, Warriors of the Wasteland and Escape from the Bronx) brings us a schlock half baked and poorly paced story arc of a trilogy.  The concept is the world has taken a turn for the worst after a massive crime wave due to illegal drugs…and yet somehow all of the buildings are intact, we still have a police force, there are major TV networks and people are still going to work.. Ahem but other than that clearly the world has taken a turn for the worst.  We see a young girl run across the bridge as we see Manhattan is completely untouched by this all consuming wave of crime.  The very crime wave that made New York vacate the Bronx to the gang element and let them have at it.  Street justice should clear these knuckleheads out in about a year is my thinking.

One!...singular sensation!!

  

  A former policeman name of Hammer (Vic Morrow of Combat!, The Evictors, The Last Shark,  Humanoids from The Deep and B.A.D. Cats) infiltrates one of the gangs in order to find sad lost girl Ann (Stefania Girolami Goodwin of The Heroin Busters, The Last Shark, Warriors of the Wasteland and Sinbad of the Seven Seas) desperate to escape her father’s company the Manhattan Corporation from its luxury bought from the expense of others.  Strive sweetie!

Trash: Anti-hero or soft headed goober?

 Let us not forgot the vicious gangs like the Zombies?  A gaggle of inline roller skaters with modified hockey sticks, pads and repainted Nazi helmets; these boys are as threatening as an ingrown toenail yet the Riders (because they have motorcycles) vow to take them on at every turn.  Led by their charismatic leader of few words Trash (Marc Gregory of Rainbow, Escape from the Bronx, Thunder and Thunder II) the only thing I have noticed what this kid has going for him is pants so tight you can make out his religion and he is a slab of beef Reb Brown style.

But low and behold the Riders take a meeting with a rival group with the sweetest collection of hot rods known as the Tigers and led by B-movie and exploitation legend himself, Fred Williamson (MASH, Hammer, Black Caesar, Crazy Joe, Black Eyes, Deadly Impact, From Dusk Till Dawn and Vegas Vampires).  Word on the street is Trash has a cop in his midst and needs to check that.  So say the Ogre(Williamson)…and then they causally and carefully pull out from the scene leaving the bikers to crane their necks to follow them out.   HUH???!!!

Deaf International Film SrL. brought us this little gem courtesy of its director and the heavy metal movement was very popular so yes that is the better portion of your soundtrack.  All these gorgeous hard tail bikes got these cheesy plastic skulls that light up attached to their hogs.  WHY??!!!  It looks absurd but hey I am not the props master here.   The duel switchblades mounted on the bikes was a neat enough effect to make up for the skulls though.

Boy, I can pick up the dumb ones.

 This action/adventure/science fiction Italian hybrid clearly tried to capture the vibe and feel of The Warriors and Escape from New York and thus not create either.   Castellari is also fond of slow motion gun play of bodies dropping or explosions directly under their feet and to be fair, cinematically it looks amazing.  We chucked physics right out the door but again a great shot should not be sneered at.

Alternative Title Week!

Howdy girls and boys!!!  Welcome back and boy did I come up with some silly for this week.  After being a loyal fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and also reviewing movies for Epinions.com for a couple of years; I noticed a constant in the realm of B grade films marketing.  The need to alter the title numerous times throughout the regions.  For some, this is a means to improve the sales.  For others it is a simple factor that the original title does not translate well from language to language.

Sir, my suit is chaffing.

Personally, I think it is to drive critics completely crackers so they don't know what flick they are actually seeing.   Thus inspired is the theme of the week.   So sit back, relax and I hope you get a kick out of Alternative Title Week.

Nazi Week: Force 10 from Navarone

Hallo an alle und willkommen to Day 4 of Nazi Week and what say we give the Jerries a right thrashing eh what?   Yes today we shall endure a sequel to director J. Lee Thompson’s Guns of Navarone based on the writings of novelist Alistair MacLean.  So prep your pack, limber up and for God’s sake clean your weapon.  This is Force 10 from Navarone.

War time is still tea time!

Spoilers can’t just stand here like ‘ducks in thunder’!

Like sequels of old it may be difficult to get the original actors to reprise their roles and so characters Mallory (Robert Shaw of From Russia with Love, Tomorrow at Ten, Battle of the Bulge, A Man for All Seasons, Custer of the West and Jaws) and Miller (Edward Fox of The Duellists, Soldier of Orange, The Big Sleep, Gandhi and Never Say Never Again) recaps from The Guns of Navarone’s ending of the island fortress successfully sabotaged and a bit of recovery for each fellow and now off to track and kill Nicolai.  Thought to be a traitor to the Germans during the Navarone Mission they discover Nicolai (Franco Nero of Django, The Repenter, The Girl, Django Strikes Again and Die Hard 2) is in fact Colonel von Ingorslebon, a German spy that may have infiltrated the Yugoslavian Partisans as Captain Lescovar.

Well I dunno. I'm making it up as I go.

To get to Yugoslavia Mallory and Miller link up with Force 10, An American sabotage crew that um “acquired” a bomber plane from a British air base to keep their mission quiet. Lt. Col. Barnsby (Harrison Ford from American Graffiti, Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Blade Runner, Frantic, Working Girl and Cowboys & Aliens) takes off with his stolen aircraft as a couple of MPs spot him with their prisoner Weaver (Carl Weathers of Magnum Force, Rocky, Semi-Tough, Death Hunt, Action Jackson and Predator), who bobs and weaves and gets onboard said plane joining up with Force 10.

Both Doctor Jones and Apollo Creed look less than thrilled to be joined up with the limey duo but orders as they say are orders.  Reynolds (Angus MacInnes of Star Wars, Outland, Superman II and Witness), a weapons man isn’t exactly overjoyed with the mission and rightfully so and they are shot out of the sky by Luftwaffe fighters and they barely make it to shore.   

Thinking they have ran into their contacts they are unpleasantly surprised with Serbian guerrillas collaborating with the Germans led by Captain Drazak (Richard Keil of Eegah, House of the Damned, Brainstorm, The Spy Who Loved Me, Moonraker and Pale Rider) and is brought before the base commander Major Schroeder (Michael Byrne of Richard III, Champions, Ellis Island,  The Good Father, Buster and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade) and Barnsby  claims they are criminals and that they are fleeing from the Allied forces.

Ulp, had to get the hangin' judge.

And now I have just a few points of observation about the movie.  Panavision is solely anamorphic lens with standard 35 mm from some amazing aerial shots, force perspective shots via scale models, and some great dolly track shots.  Michael Byrne has played a Nazi against Harrison Ford in this film as well as Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.  The film is action packed, solid story and a heck of a cast.  Oh and not mentioned in the previous, former Bond girl Barbara Bach plays a concubine.   Just for the fellas on that one hehe.  

Ridley Scott Week: Alien

Hey all, finishing up Ridley Scott week with the 1979 sci-fi/horror classic.  How about some horror with your science fiction or terror with your terrain?  So grab your motion tracker, prime your flamethrower and make peace with your deity.   This is Alien.

Spoilers are all around us man!!

From the writings from Dan O’Bannon (Dark Star, Heavy Metal, The Return of the Living Dead, Lifeforce and Total Recall) and brought to life with director Ridley Scott (Blade Runner, Legend, Black Rain, Thelma & Louise, 1492: Conquest of Paradise and White Squall) brings us a story of deep core space towing vessel being sent a distress signal to a foreign planet.  The ship Nostromo carrying no less 25 million tons of ore is contacted by the very company that contracted insisting that the crew set down on planet designated LB-240 for reasons unknown.   The crew is left in a cryo-stasis chamber so their bodies would not atrophy or deteriorate from extended space travel.  Captain Dallas (Tom Skerritt of War Hunt, Combat!, MASH, Wild Rovers, Fuzz, Thieves Like Us, The Dead Zone and Top Gun) and Lieutenant Ripley (Sigourney Weaver of Madman, Eyewitness, The Year of Living Dangerously, Ghostbusters, Aliens and Gorillas in the Mist) argue with each other on the necessity of this unscheduled stop versus the unknown circumstances that it may cause.  Reluctantly the crew makes their way to the planet to find a ship somewhere to the length of 6 miles long and more advanced than anything humankind had ever made.  

The crew investigates a long dead pilot, possibly for decades surrounded by a field of eggs.   Crewman Kane (John Hurt of The Jim Henson Hour, Crime and Punishment, Monolith, Dogville, Hellboy, V for Vendetta and Hellboy 2: The Golden Army)inspects these eggs only to have one hatch and attach itself through his helmet on his face.  The crew desperately tries to remove it and the creature threatened to strangle Kane so they let it be.  Hours later the creature rolled off his face and Kane seemed fine but all too sudden at dinner he started to convulse and expanding through his rib cage an organism that looks fairly phallic bursts through his chest and skitters away.  As the crew assembles and grabs means to destroy the little blighter, one crewman finds out the hard way that little blighter grew to the size over two meters tall.  Seven foot for us Yankees.

A quick couple of facts and observations on this film will be stated now.   The creature in question was designed, sculpted and created by H. R. Giger.  A painter that always created a image of organisms and machinery into a hybrid nightmarish creature.  The actor in said rubber suit Bolaji Badejo stood as high as 7 foot and 2 inches high coated in petroleum jelly and a couple other lubricants to create slime and drool.  The ship was parts of old battleships, scale models with blue screen based backdrops to present a haunted house in space.   This massive ship is nothing more than too many hiding places for the creature to take its time methodically removing the cast.  Who would be next?  This film’s drawn out silence allows for tension, conflict and paranoia to set in.  Post production did a wonderful job making this film as dark and menacing as it is.  Yes I would highly recommend this one for a good scare.

John Carpenter Week: The Thing

You hear every sound as the tick of the clock allows for another minute to pass by.  You feel the sweat on your brow lightly trickling down and you know in your heart of hearts the person next to you may not be what he or she appears to be.  This is The Thing.

Lordy, how could spoilers survive in 0 degree weather?

In 1982, John Carpenter remade Howard Hawks 1951’s science fiction film The Thing from another World into simply The Thing; an alien entity that has the ability to change its molecular structure and DNA into something or someone else through assimilation.    On an Antarctic research station deep in the snow and ice lurks something man has never seen, 12 men will be pushed to the breaking point of sanity and paranoia will seep in.   OoOo got carried away there.  

Based on the original story, “Who Goes There?” by Science-Fiction writer John W. Campbell Jr., the screenplay for the 1982 version was written by Bill Lancaster (The Thing, The Bad News Bears film and TV series) and helmed by director John Carpenter (Assault On Precinct 13, Halloween, Escape From New York, Big Trouble In Little China, and Vampires) unfolds a story of 12 men encountering a malamute being shot at from a helicopter by a Norwegian research team when the copter explodes and kills the pilot and co-pilot.  The rifleman still trying to kill the dog is shot by the station commander Garry (Donald Moffat of The Thing, When the Time Comes, Clear and Present Danger).  

 Helicopter pilot R.J. MacReady (Kurt Russel of The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes, Escape From New York, The Mean Season, Soldier and Deathproof) and Dr. Copper (Richard Dysart of Being There, L.A. Law, The Thing and Spawn the Animated Series) discover a camp completely ruined and torched. A few deaths consistent with suicide and outside in the snow is a body with two heads burnt to almost lack of recognition.  The body is wrapped and research documents are taken back to the station.  Through an autopsy Doctor Blair (Wilford Brimley of The Waltons, The China Syndrome, Brubaker, Roughnecks and Borderline) the two faced creature is perfectly normal.  The malamute starts attacking all the other sled dogs and is toasted with a flamethrower wielded by Chiles (Keith David of The Thing, Platoon, They Live, Clockers, Gargoyles, and Spawn the Animated Series) then brought to Blair to do I guess a necropsy on it.  Blair finds cells in it that are not animal DNA and proceeds to comb the Norwegians’ records.  He discovers that an alien life form that was said to have came to Earth in a flying saucer and they speculate millions of years ago trapped under sheets of ice as far back as the first Ice Age. 

Finding this research everyone becomes skittish around one another, locking their doors and arming themselves.  Who is who?  Am I next?  FX wizard Rob Bottin (Maniac, The Howling and Robocop) is responsible for ¾ of the creature creations and prosthetics.  The dog creature was crafted by none other than the late Stan Winston (Dracula’s Dog, Parasite, The Terminator, Aliens, Predator 1 and 2).  35mm film with a Panavision anamorphic lens shot at a slower speed of 2.35.  Tight shots, a soundtrack composed by Ennio Morricone (The Good, The Bad and the Ugly, The Untouchables, Once Upon a Time in the West and Once Upon a Time in America) rather than Carpenter.    In conclusion, if you don’t mind feeling a bit twitchy and love a good scare then this flick still stands the test of time but never watch it alone…

Zombies...again??!!!

Well gentle readers I have returned and decided I am reminiscent of my review roots and therefore you guessed it!!!   A zombie movie!!! Well you didn’t think I reviewed every single last zombie film in two years did you?   So grab a chair, prop it in front of the door and be still until they walk by.   This is Zone of the Dead.

Spoilers are the end of days, my friend.  Make no mistake about it.

Director Milan Konjevic tackles his first film debut as the head man.  From Second Unit director to a creator of comic series called Generation Tesla, Dusk Fighters and Romero, Knovjevic takes the plunge into directing his own written works.  Shot in Serbia this zombie flick moves at a fast pace, drags its feet a bit and then fast pace reasserts itself again.  The story line is a simple one and should be commended for that.  Military training exercises are going on in the immediate area so satellite frequencies are re-routed.  Cell phones would be unoperatable so lane lines are about all that can be used.  Even CB or walkie talkie if you prefer is clouded.    A prisoner (Emilio Roso of Baby’s Momma Drama, Freedom’s Gate, Border Lost, Mad Men and Corrado) is being transferred from Belgrade to London via Interpol and Serbia police force.  Agent Mina Milius (Kristina Klebe of The Other Shoe, She Hate Me, Delirious, Halloween and The Accidental Husband) is placed in charge of security, transportation and route to make it smooth sailing.  Retiring Agent Mortimer Reyes (TV and Movie character actor legend Ken Foree of Dawn of the Dead, Terror Among Us Knightriders, T.J. Hooker, Remington Steele, The A-Team and Babylon 5) is on his way back to the states leaving Interpol.  Just twelve more hours `til retirement, Riggs.   He and his partner Dragon Belic (Miodrag Krstovic  of Savior, The Professional , The Reject and The Fourth Man) are there purely for supervisory standing so what could possibly go wrong?  

Two towns over an ecological disaster occurs at the train yard, with north winds whipping a gaseous liquid of unknown origin it kills everything in the immediate area and re-animates it in minutes.  With this entire story occurs within the 18 minute mark so it is made room for lofty exterior shots, zooms and long crane shots.  Mostly this film is hand held and Dolly track shooting. The cinematography is impressive but the dialogue what you came to expect.  Buddy cop routine, sprinkled with classified information and a dash of paranoia.   There also seems to be a Romero influence as several of the death scenes are throwbacks to Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead. The gore is mildly pronounced in those scenes that require more of a terror factor has such.

Oh yes I always have a bit of nitpicking.  Now keep in mind that several of the dialogue is dubbed over so the voice over work sounds a bit rushed, confused or otherwise lacking in the proper inflection the scene shows us. Several of the sound effects such as: automated doors sound like something of the PC game X-Com, the zombie cries are very similar to those heard in the Doom games and several of the gun shot sound effects run parallel to a first person shooter game in 1995 Rise of the Triad.

Certainly not the worst of the genre I have seen but it is also nothing new here.  I was hoping for a regional spin on the zombies but it feels more like Return of the Living Dead with less humor and less nudity.  Not all that impressed but hey not too shabby first time running.

Painkiller Jane: Heroine or Menace?

I've noticed more than a few valid complaints about how there are no really decent superheroine movies and I agreed.    Most are given skimpy outfits, one liners that would make Spidey groan and a love interest that is not merely farfetched but over exaggerated.   No real depth into a backstory or explanation on how they came to be.  Several characters have been overlooked.   Vampirella for example is a powerful, capable woman that happens to be a vampire with a great mental capacity and physical strength.  Granted her outfit looks like dental floss but nevertheless badass gal.   Dynamite Comics however has a character that essence was more or less captured on a Syfy Channel TV Movie. 

So make a munchie run, grab me a Mexi-Coke and let’s sit in.   This is Painkiller Jane.

Spoilers hurt so good…

The crux of the character is sound but her background and profession was altered.  So from being a hard hitting cop we alter Jane (Emmanuelle Vaugier of Saw II, House of the Dead 2, 40 Days and 40 Nights, Unearthed and Far Cry) into a Spec Ops Captain in charge of her unit: Painkiller.   What would be a major heroine processing and distribution center on intel turns out to be some sort of biological lab, patients are infected and soon Jane and her men too receive side-effects.  Desperate to vacate the Captain and men haul ass out only to run into about 20 men armed with Ak-47s and Hazmat suits.  Jane and her boys valiantly fight them but are cut to ribbons and left bleeding on the alley street.  The End…or is it?

5 days later Jane awakes in a military hospital, her wound dramatically healed leaving faint tissue scarring that should be the result of weeks of healing not days.   Her commanding officer Colonel Watts (Richard Roundtree of Shaft, Outlaws, Seven, Vegas Vampires, Desperate Housewives and Heroes) feels they need to do more testing for the fact she was the only one in her unit to come out alive.  Doctor Graham Knight (Tate Donovan of Love Potion No. 9, Partners, Hercules, Friends, The O.C. and Damages) establishes a rapport with Jane and gains her trust with his promise to fix whatever occurred.   Jane notices other aspects of herself beyond her healing such as: heighten state of awareness to her surroundings, dexterity, speed, strength, to process information at an accelerated level and analytical thinking on a scale that rivals gifted intelligence.    

While slightly reveling in her new found abilities, Jane also knows the military will use her as a weapon, escapes during a military transport to a safer location and without killing or even injuring her captors.  Doctor Knight may be the only man to help her but can anything be made to assist her?  Will she want to give up this new abilities and what of Timmy trapped in the well?

TV director Sanford Bookstaver (The Chronicle, Fastlane, The O.C., Bones, and House M.D.) tackles a comic book character devised by Joe Quesada (The Ray, Batman: Sword of Azrael, Daredevil and Ash) and Jimmy Palmiotti (Punisher, Ghost Rider, The Nam, Daredevil and Ash) and frankly as a fan of the comic itself I though Vaugier’s portrayal was spot on.   Tough as nails when the bullets start flying but emotional when the danger has subsided, trying to figure out her next move or if she in fact even has a next move.  Okay a lot of TV movies are hammier than Shatner’s  $h%* My Dad Says but overall my only complaint is the story moved too fast and didn’t allow for some real development but hell it was two hours so guessing a mini-series arc was the way to go.   Say now, isn’t there a Painkiller Jane series starring Kristanna Loken?   Hmm…I wonder.

Burn Notice Season 3...Boom.

With events of Season 2 almost wrapped up and his handlers meeting an untimely demise, is Michael finally clear from all the point and counterpoint of his mysterious higher ups???   Well...grab a seat, maybe some popcorn and a tasty beverage and try to not wince.   This is Burn Notice Season 3

Spoilers can be very disconcerning

Michael just finished a five mile swim to shore after leaping about 300 feet from a moving helicopter.  Seriously this man is in too good of shape.  Damn near exhausted he looks about the beach trying to get his bearings when he notices that local law enforcement is a might too keen on his person and proceed to apprehend him.   A daring foot chase comes to an end when at the end of the day; it would be easier to dodge questions rather than bullets.  

Sam visits him in the clink to offer a standing on his current situation.  Laymen’s terms he is now on the radar for anyone or any organization to find.  Management true to his word leaves him truly out in the cold.  Michael, Fiona and Sam rack their collective heads together to see how to clear Michael of impeding police issues, assist in rebuilding a rapport with his mom Madelyn as well as get Michael in good with the CIA.      As always should he or any of his team members get shot up in the crossfire of espionage, well the Alphabet companies won’t care about a burnt spy, a boozehound former Navy SEAL or a former IRA terrorist.

Fiona and Michael are attempting to formulate something of a normal life but Michael is hell bent to solve the mystery of his former CIA contact’s murder.  A nasty piece of work by the name of Gilroy (Chris Vance of Prison Break, Mental, Dexter, Rizzoli & Isles and Transporter), a blood thirsty hooligan with a penchant for explosives, high velocity sniper rifles and being a prig decides Michael may not be the boy scout his reputation made him and wants to go into business together for a gig.   Naturally Gilroy is cautious and paranoid, so he keeps the details close to the vest.   Michael realizes as bad news as Gilroy is, that he will pull this job off with someone else if Michael refuses.   Michael goes into business with Gilroy if only to sabotage his efforts, inform the authorities and take him down.  Sam and Fi’s constant pleading for Michael to walk away from Gilroy and dump it in the laps of the people paid to stop psychos like this is being ignored.  Without any true hard evidence Michael knows officials won’t listen to him and it is all up to him to see that Gilroy’s contract of devastation is null and void.   Sheesh, bit corny there for a second folks.  Sorry about that. 

 Local police force and FBI are convinced Michael may have gone rogue and is actually the threat his burn notice claims him to be.   Can Michael and crew win the day, save the country and still get the trip to Maui?  Tune in and find out!

The 6th Day..ah Arnold and sci-fi.

The 6^th Day

Director Roger Spottiswoode of Die Another Day brings us to a timeline that cattle, fish, chickens heck even household pets can be cloned.   The notion of human cloning trials or even experimentation is illegal and forbidden.  Adam Gibson (Arnold Schwarzenegger of Commando, The Terminator, T2) runs a private helicopter piloting service finds out his family dog Oliver has been killed and his friend and partner Hank (Michael Rappaport of Beautiful Girls) tells him he will cover for him.   Adam takes the dog to a firm called Re-pet and hears the sales pitch only to have second thoughts.  He heads back home with a doll for his daughter when he sees through the window, the family dog bouncing around the living room and thinks it is his wife’s doing.  As he approaches the door he then sees a clone of himself celebrating with his family.    Trying to get in his own house to confront the clone he is attacked by Replacement Technologies security team headed by Robert Marshal (Michael Rooker of Henry:Portrait of a Serial Killer and Mallrats) and Talia Eslworth (Sarah Wynter of Species 2 and Lost Souls).    Escaping them narrowly Adam heads to his friend Hank’s apartment.  The two catch up then Hank gets shot by an anti-cloning extremist called Tripp.  He says both Hank and their charter Michael Drucker (Tony Goldwyn of Ghost and American Gun) crashed the helicopter and it this is all secret.   Rather be captured by the Replacement Technologies Security team, Tripp blows his brains out so his memories cannot be retrieved and give away others of his movement. 

Green screen gets a lot of love in this movie.  Sneaking into Drucker’s company (which is no easy feat given how big Arnold is) Adam finds Dr Weir (Robert Duvall of True Grit 1969, The Godfather and Godfather II) the scientist behind the clones explains to Gibson that both Hank and Drucker were killed in a helicopter crash and they had to do a rush clone job to conceal this horrific accident for the sake of the company.   Without Drucker they cannot lobby for human clones for everything from replacing organs to bringing back loved ones.  So a decent story turns clichéd with fights with Schwarzenegger and moral issues with cloning and big business not caring about the little people.   Drucker is thwarted by Gibson and his clone.  Clone Gibson moves to the other end of the planet with a twin company of the charter piloting in Argentina (Don’t cry for him) and Adam returns to his family with a new appreciation of cloning and the knee jerk feeling he had lessened.   Decent writing and good premise went a bit crackers with production.   A potential sci-fi went full blown action with far too many explosions and gunfights.  Schwarzenegger’s character was not a trained paramilitary man.   It was over the top fights and making Arnold once again invincible.   It could be better but it is what it is.   View with caution.

Gem of the Month- Sundown: Vampire in Retreat

What do you get when you combine vampires, substitute for blood and Utah?   Well here’s a hint: Not True Blood.   No, this is Sundown: Vampire in Retreat by Director Anthony Hickox (Waxwork, Waxwork II and Warlock the Armageddon) and written by John Burgess.  Deep in the heart of…okay not Dixie but Utah exist a town called Purgatory.  A town filled with incredibly pale people that are covered from the sunshine with parasols and large brimmed hats.   This town of vampires has rejected the ways of the night and preying on the innocent is lead by master vampire Count Mardulak (John Carradine of Kung-Fu).  The town has a processing plant that is making an artificial blood to curb the need to feed but it breaks down and only one man can repair or refurbish parts for it.  Enter the Harrison Family.  John (Jim Metzler L.A. Confidential and Bad City Blues) brings wife Sarah (Morgan Brittany of Love Boat and Dallas) and their two kids to this remote and isolated town where neither of them is the wiser to this odd little bit of Americana.   Seriously they are so thick you could clock them in the coconut and it might not register until a day or two later.  On the trail of Count Mardulak is fearless vampire hunter Robert Van Helsing (Bruce Campbell of Evil Dead, Spiderman and Burn Notice) determined to end the evil that is a bloodsucker only to be smitten by lovely vampire Sandy (Deborah Foreman of Valley Girl and Waxwork) John’s former rival for Sarah’s affection Shane (Maxwell Caulfield of Waxwork II and Empire Records) who happens to be the town’s chief engineer but he needs John’s expertise.

  

  The Harrisons’ little girls note the townsfolk seem a bit different and are clued in that there are two factions of vampires.  One attempting to repent and the other is return to the old ways.   The Count attempts to maintain the peace while his right hand man Ethan Jefferson (John Ireland of Gunslinger and Waxwork II) tells vampires that they have nothing to feel guilty about and they should revel in their powers.   How does one solve those differences?  Why with a shoot out of course.   This film combines comedy, horror and western all in one unusual package.   My favorite thing about this film is the three brothers Milt (Bert Remsen of The Bodyguard and McCabe and Mrs. Miller) Merle (Sunshine Parker of Tremors  and Roadhouse) Mort (M Emmet Walsh of The Flash, Bladerunner and Chasing 3000) Bisby.  They all run this tiny gas station and look like they are just a gnat’s wing flap away from brutalizing humans.  Mort knocks the head off of this coked up jackass for being rude and abusive.   The two campers were really unnecessary characters as a whole.

Admittedly the film did seem like there was filler thrown in and John Carradine’s performance did seem a little off (methinks drinking days still), and sure he and Bruce were hardly in any of the scenes but dammit it was a fun movie.   The movie finishes off at 104 minutes and while it dragged a bit you got the scope of what the director was trying for. I ask you to find me a vampire story with conflict, romance and gunfight worthy of the OK corral and in general, an amazing cast.   A lot of tongue in cheek humor combined with a potential love triangle story line sprinkled with some rivalry and a few odd gore effects and you have a fairly decent film.  

Risk 2: It's all in the execution

We have all played board games in one fashion or another.  Whether it was Candyland, Monopoly or Chutes and Ladders our collective tastes always brought us into wanting to see what the next game will test us or impress us.  When I was a boy my favorite game was Risk.  Warring armies poised to establish dominance over the world.  Risk II is that same feeling of the roll of the dice and the chances to pit your strategic wit against an adversary or adversaries.  A downloadable game found on www.reflexive.com and a handful of other sites, this game simulates the world map, troops and weapons carried throughout your territories.

  

No longer do you have to imagine how the battle is waged as your men line up against the opposition and carry out your commands.  Following the original board game’s rules with trading cards for men and land this wonderful graphic and sound engages the game on a whole new level.  You can hear the horses trample through the mud and sand.  The roar of the cannons and the crack fire of the rifles as your dice fall; deciding the fate of the two battling hostiles.  The play can be against a series of computer opponents ranging from easy, medium and hard.  You may also play against your friends via taking turns on a single computer.  Similar actions like the game of Life.  Even better still would be the competition of both human and computer waging battle against both for the control of the board.

 A demo version of this game can be found in just about any search engine and you may play it up to an hour and after that the cost is about 10 dollars roughly.   A bargain really when you consider we live in a world that most computer games run anywhere from twenty to about seventy-five dollars.    So if you are the type to love a good strategy game and you got sick of replaying Civilization II for the twentieth time in a row I would highly recommend this game to anyone that loves a good challenge and like spanking their friends board game wise.

Burn Notice Season 2: Electric Boogaloo

Well folks you know how when a show is created and feel nothing will come as close to the same level of writing the first season offered you?  The same jam packed action or suspense clearly cannot be topped.  Pin your ears back, open your eyes and prepared to be wowed.  This is Burn Notice Season 2.

This message will contain spoilers and self-destruct if you dislike it.

Well we last left Michael Weston (Jeffery Donovan of Burn Notice, Hitch, Another World and Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2) he was getting his buddy, former SEAL and likable alcoholic Sam Axe (Bruce Campbell of The Evil Dead, Army of Darkness, The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. and Spider-Man) and former IRA girlfriend Fiona Glennanne (Gabrielle Anwar of For Love or Money, Body Snatchers, Scent of a Woman and Three Musketeers) out of a tight spot with some heroin dealers, then he was loaded up to meet his mystery date/keeper of his leash regarding his burn notice.   Hours pass and Michael is aching for some action when his mild dozing is interrupted with explosions, assault rifle fire and a bit of odd screaming.  His cell phone goes off and man his reception is amazing in my opinion; a female voice informs Michael her name is Carla and she wants to know if he is up for a few errands

From this rather impressive build-up it really sets the tone for the season.   Fiona and Sam are slowly and against their collective will start to like one another.   The insanity and repercussions of last season is taking a toll on Michael’s family as well and Michael has that series of issues to contend with.

From layman’s eye this show takes another leap into very technical camera maneuvering, high speed car chases, mixed martial art hand to hand and more gun fights than a Segal movie.  Creator Matt Nix sets the bar and tries to push this show to the letter Director of Photography William Wage ( Love Potion No. 9, Purgatory, Down in the Delta and Surface) combines crane shots, on-board cameras ,dolly tracks and just about anything needed to get the shot.  Hell I am just shocked to not find cameras mounted on the actors for some bizarre POV shot.  Familiar faces ranging from science fiction, comedy and drama emerge this season and you will be stunned when you see them.   If you made it through Season 1 and were blown away by this series with complex characters leading complicated lives and odds are against them, you will thoroughly enjoy season 2 , but don’t tell anyone were you got this information or we are all in the soup.

Call me Snake..

In the far away timeline of 1997(huh?), crime has risen nearly 400% so prior to that in 1988 New York City has been converted into the world’s maximum security end all prison.  Those that have been convicted of high treasonous crimes are deported to New York and given no chance of parole.  New York is surrounded by a 50-foot high wall of concrete and razor wire, the bridges are mind and waterways are patrolled by regular routine helicopter fly bys.   The United States Police forces are camped around it like an army.  China, The Soviet Union (Communism is the wave of the future!) and America are in negotiations when Air Force One is hijacked by a terrorist liberation front called the National Liberation Front causing the President to use an escape pod and landing in the prison.  A rescue attempt must be made. 

Lotta spoilers in the Hudson.

Hiyas folks today we review the 1981 despotic future storyline Escape from New York.   Brought to us by legendary director/editor/composer John Carpenter (Assault on Precinct 13, Halloween, The Fog, Remake of the Village of the Damned and Vampires) and writer/director Nick Castle (Major Payne, The Last Starfighter and Taps)   America has become a police state enforcing law with extreme prejudice and vital information needed for the summit, Police Commissioner Robert Hauk (Lee Van Cleef of The Good the Bad and the Ugly, Gunsmoke and Have Gun Will Travel) must recruit former special forces solider “Snake” Plissken (Kurt Russel of The Thing, Big Trouble in Little China, Escape from L.A.) to infiltrate the prison, get back the President (Donald Pleasance of You Only Live Twice, Halloween 1,2,4,5,6) and off the island in 24 hours.  A full pardon is offered for this blatant suicide mission and Snake is tagged with a dissolving explosive in his system to keep him in check.    Snake uses a glider to land on the Sears Tower in order to take off at a later date.   Getting to ground; Snake runs into a cornucopia of criminal elements of all types, ranging from cannibals, small time offenders to mass murderers.  Now added by temporary alliances the clock is running out for the President and Plissken must reluctantly save the day.

At this point I would love to point out what it is about this movie that makes it so enjoyable.  Cost effective effects for the glider’s radar was done with a scale model of Manhattan Island with a series of reflective tape to look like a mapping process.  With a 6 million budget in 1981 managed matt based shots, aerial helicopter shots of which was used with the St. Louis National Guard as Blackhawk police copters and furthermore due to the fire in 1973 for two days; this area’s safety was blocks devastation that according to Carpenter it spoke volumes to him and was the ideal set for his steady cams via dolly track.  His minimum lighting techniques always give his films a more eerie feel in the same fashion Hitchcock had.  His love of anamorphic camera lens gives his sets more scope and depth to the film. 

If you enjoy this particular genre of possible futures, Do NOT skip this film.  With memorable lines, excellent character development, this is an overall great experience to be had.

Spectacular Spider-man

Hey true believers… hehe sorry had to get that out of my system.   From the original release of 1964 Marvel Comics created Spider-man via Stan Lee and Steve Ditko.  In 1967 an animation of same titled character was created and while the artwork was a bit hammy as was some of the storylines it was true to the hero.  From the 1970’s to the 1990’s each incarnation took its own spin on the wall crawler but missed the mark by several inches until 2008’s creation that blew away even the most doubting of fan boys and girls.  So grab your tights and spare web cartridges and brush up on your banter.   This is The Spectacular Spider-man Season 1.

In tradition with the standings of most of the varied releases this version is no different in giving Spidey’s younger years thus we are off to Midtown High where Peter Parker is all of 16 years of age fending off crooks and baddies with puns and punches.   The animation hails from Adelaide Productions.  The team responsible for (Jackie Chan Adventures, Roughnecks: The Starship Trooper Chronicles and Men in Black: The Series) and Culver Entertainment for distribution.  A great take on an old thang.  The stories have consequences, real character development and an expanding storyline.  Villains of yesteryear galore and Spidey is on his own fighting nutballs in costumes, bullies at school and J. Jonah Jameson for libel on his every other movement.  It feels real nice to be wanted huh?  

The crux of this version in my belief is the voice cast that was assembled.   Peter Parker/Spider-man (Josh Keaton of Spider-man: Shattered Dimensions, Marvel Super Hero Squad, Transformers Prime and Green Lantern: The Animated Series), Gwen Stacey (Lacey Chabert of Party of Five, Mean Girls, Transformers: Rescue Bots and Young Justice) Captain Stacey and the Rhino (Clancy Brown of The Highlander, Starship Troopers, The Shawshank Redemption) and Harry Osborn (James Arnold Taylor of Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Valkyria Chronicles II, Batman: The Brave and the Bold) to name a few but be honest you want to know about villains and man o man have we got villains.  Dipping into Spider-man’s substantial rogues’ gallery we have a bouquet of voices to match their cartoon likeness.

The Vulture: the high flying vengeful scientist Spidey encounters voiced by none other than Robert Englund (A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Mangler, Hatchet, Justice League) Hammerhead: low ranking lieutenant to an unannounced villain in the shadows.  With a steel (or sometimes adamantium) plate in his head and a rough right cross voiced by veteran voice actor John DiMaggio (Bender of Futurama, The Problem Solverz and Batman: The Brave and the Bold) as well as The Sandman: a being turned into living sand that can mold his body into any shape he desires.

  Again as previously mentioned the lingo and dialogue has been updated to suit the younger viewers but does not detract that this metamorphosis of Spider-man can and will mostly be viewed by mature fans of many ages.  Those of us that grew up with the comics will most likely agree that this version of Spider-man was well drawn, well written and properly executed the fullest of its capabilities.   Alas this series was only made for two seasons and had not been picked back up.  What does that mean in the long run of things?  Well maybe a revamp of it is on its way but most likely with the Ultimate Spider-Man creation that it will be shelved leaving potential story lines unfinished.  Who knows what future holds for this web-head franchise.  I, for one will enjoy these episodes with my nephews.

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter

Four score and seven beheadings ago…  Yeah not sure that speech would generate the same impact if you enlighten the masses to the realms of the undead in their lands.  Then again who knows?  Maybe they would have taken it in stride and gathered arms to purge the evil from their shores.  So sharpen your knives and stakes and start prepping holy water.   This is Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter.

Spoilers of the night shut up!

Director Timur Bekmanmbetov is carving himself a niche with vampire stories now with two already under his belt with Night Watch and Day Watch turns to a little bit of fiction that has been on the best sellers list with Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter.  He adapted his own novel into the screenplay so one comes to the conclusion it didn’t stray far from the source material.

Our story opens with the exploitations of 12 year old Abraham and his mother and father working as indentured servants to Jack Barts (Marton Csokas of XXX, Bourne Supremacy, Aeon Flux, Alice in Wonderland and The Tree), a man of unscrupulous behavior fires Thomas (Joseph Mawle of Freefall, After Tomorrow, Heartless and Game of Thrones) and Nancy (Robin McLeavy of 48 Shades, The Loved Ones, After the Credits and Hell on Wheels TV series) when Abraham tries to stop Barts from beating a slave boy and friend Will Johnson.  Barts did not care for Thomas’ attitude to his “betters” and tells them they will pay one way or the other.  Barts sneaks into the Lincolns’ cabin and feeds on Nancy, Thomas is grief stricken and tells Abraham he is not to seek revenge for that is a dark path.

Seven years later Abraham (Benjamin Walker of The War Boys, Coach, Westward and Flags of Our Fathers) and is all alone and feels he will have is revenge…after a few rounds of liquid courage.  An idle chat with a fellow patron Henry (Dominic Cooper of An Education, The Duchess, The Devil’s Double and Captain America: The First Avenger) who states the only time you see a man drinking like that is when he is going to ask out a girl or kill man.  Patting Abraham on the back hard, a flintlock falls out of Lincoln’s coat.   Fending off the effects of alcohol and a formidable beating at the hands of Jack Barts; Lincoln awakens in the house of Henry and was told he is going about it all wrong.  Look at the bigger picture, adapt and plan his attacks on these vile creatures.  Henry mentors Lincoln in a series of mixed martial arts and melee weapons, oh which a 5 pound wood axe seems to be Lincoln’s preferred weapon.

Let’s break this down into various categories shall we?  One hand you have a historical figure not only founder of the Emancipation Proclamation, the document to end slavery and offer a modicum of dignity to men that were whipped, beaten and often members of friends and family slaughtered, but you also have a different set of rules to vampires.  Silver is back, beheading and bodily dismemberment works.

There are plenty of the traditional standings such as; vampire powers and superiority complexes but a fairly complex storyline of the involvement of humans growing, aging and living life.     An amalgam of CGI green screen, wire work and prosthetic appliances, this film is wowing the audience a little too much on the lines of a Bruce Willis Die Hard in places.   A hybrid of Super 35mm Digital film, anamorphic for the all-encompassing shot and of course, the Phantom Flex for the 3-D version of this movie.    

Now I freely admit the title does sound a trifle silly but you have to admit it does catch the eye and make you question it and when all is said and done I actually had a good time, with one minor drawback.   I was in the far front row right in line of the surround sound.  A tad booming at times but one will adapt and move on.  Give it a view folks.  You will be pleasantly surprised.