Erratic Viewings: Ash vs Evil Dead Season 2

Hey gang. I could bore you with details on why we had such a short week. Let's just say a few things cropped up and I would rather not go in to extravagant detail. Instead how about we see some aimless direction. An irregular course if you will. Planning the week out gets to be a huge pain in the tuckus and frankly other than the makers of Preparation H, who needs it?

Today we catch up with as Bruce Campbell described him as 40 percent action hero and 60 percent bone head, Ashley J Williams as he battles the forces of darkness, downs a few brews and maybe even get a little sugar along the way. This is Ash vs Evil Dead Season 2.

Man this girdle really keeps the gut in.

A pact is made in order to save his friends Kelly (Dan DeLorenzo of The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, Californication, Impress Me, The Mad Ones and Ash vs Evil Dead) and Pablo (Ray Santiago of Girlfight, Meet the Fockers, Dirty Deeds, My Name Is Earl, Raising Hope and Ash vs Evil Dead) and to fulfill his life long dream of being in Jacksonville Florida??? Seriously? Nothing against the town but surely there could have been more out there. Ruby Knowby (Lucy Lawless of Hercules and the Amazon Women, High Tide, Xena: Warrior Princess, Tarzan, Eurotrip, Vampire Bats, Justice League: The New Frontier, Battlestar Galactica, Bitch Slap and Spartacus: War of the Damned), daughter of the late Professor Raymond Knowby and Henrietta, sister to Annie has found herself in quite the pickle. As her spawn of Baal decided they don't need momma anymore, she drops the truce, says the magic words and Ash is back knee deep in the cow crap. Deadites attack Ash and gang in Jacksonville but they are quickly dispatched as one of them hints to Ash's hometown in Elk Grove Michigan.

Still gotta work with that Campbell clod.

Armed with boomstick, chainsaw and even the Kandarian dagger, Ash is ready to lay waste to more demons and deadites but not all set from the less than warm welcome as he is referred as Ashy Slashy, an acquitted but still highly suspected serial killer and the town never lets him forget it. He still has friends and family in town like his drunken bar-tending pervy pal Chet (Ted Raimi of The Evil Dead, Evil Dead II: Dead by Dawn, Darkman, SeaQuest 2032, Wishmaster, Xena: Warrior Princess, Spider-Man, Evil Dead: Regeneration and Drag Me to Hell) his bitter skirt chasing pop Brock (Lee Majors of The Big Valley, Owen Marshal, Counselor at Law, The Six Million Dollar Man, The Fall Guy, Raven, Raising Hope, Wild Bill Hickok: Swift Justice and Dead Rising) and the girl that got away, Linda (Michelle Hurd of ER, Gossip Girl, Girl Most Likely, 90210, The Glades, Jessica Jones, Daredevil, Blindspot and Ash vs Evil Dead).

Honey, you got real ugly.

Local law enforcement used to be a kid Ash tormented in high school thinks all the sudden craziness is directly linked to our favorite knucklehead and well, he isn't all that off but dammit let the hero have a brew, a girl and the odd doobie. Ruby reluctantly teams up with the deadite slayers in the hopes that they can prevent to return of Baal (Joel Tobeck of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Young Hercules, Xena: Warrior Princess, Cleopatra 2525, Power Rangers DinoThunder, Little Fish, Ghost Rider, 30 Days of Night and Accidents Happen), say the right words and keep him back in the Underworld where the little Marlyn Manson coiffed prick needs to be.

Can Ash stop this impeding pile of preternatural poltergeists!?! Will Kelly and Pablo get a real life again??? Can Ruby ever not be foxy???

Fun facts now. Auckland, New Zealand is the place of the Ash vs Evil Dead stomping grounds. This filming area may sound familiar as it has been used for: Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Xena: Warrior Princess, Spartacus: Gods of the Arena, the 2013 Evil Dead, King Kong, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and 30 Days of Night.

That damn Oldsmobile Delta 88 is the exact same make, model and even color from the original Evil Dead trilogy. The original car of course belongs to writer,director and creator of The Evil Dead Sam Raimi who always tries to sneak that clunkasaurus into almost every film he directs. The original composer for Evil Dead Joe LoDuca (The Evil Dead, Evil Dead II: Dead by Dawn, Moontrap, Army of Darkness, Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Xena: Warrior Princess, Young Hercules, Jack of All Trades, Cleopatra 2525, The Librarian: Quest for the Spear, Alien Apocalypse, My Name is Bruce and Ash vs Evil Dead) returns to compose for the madness that is still Raimi's creation. With writer/producer Tom Spezialy (Weird Science, Desperate Housewives, Chaos, Zero Hour, Manhattan and The Leftovers) working hand in hand with Sam and Ivan Raimi, you know you are in for one-liners, gross outs, gore and general grooviness. If you loved the flicks, you'll enjoy the show. Hey if you only know Bruce from Brisco County or Burn Notice, you'll enjoy it but... better have a strong stomach. Still blood, guts and the naughty words.

Ash, Deadite slayer and chainsaw bear sculpter.

1950s Moon Movies: Project Moon Base

Welcome back folks for Day 2 of 1950s Moon Movies. As mentioned I really enjoyed Destination Moon given it was Robert A Heinlein's writing and technical expertise in Spaaaaaaaace!! Alas while today's film is also written by Heinlein(Rocket Ship Galileo, Have Space Suit-Will Travel, Farmer in the Sky, Starman Jones, Red Planet, Starship Troopers and The Puppet Masters) I still feel the execution of the film may fall on its ear. I just have a hard time believing in a really good run of films unless I take it out of my own personal library but dammit we will give this a try. This is Project Moonbase.

Bullet bras of THE FUTURE!!!

In the far distant future of 1970... General Greene (Hayden Rorke of Father's Little Dividend, Pillow Talk, The Night Walker, I Dream of Jeannie, Police Woman and Arthur Hailey's the Moneychangers) needs perspective bases scouted out but the scuttlebutt is foreign spies are attempting to undermine their mission so has to have his best pilots to investigate.

To the public, it looks like yet another visit to the moon is led by Colonel Briteis (Donna Martell of Abbot and Costello Meet the Killer, Love Is a Many-Splendored Thing, Ten Wanted Men, Outlaws, Bonanza and Grace Kelly) needing to be the objective and snap decision maker that she is. (See kids, Robert A Heinlein's novels did their level best to give equality to men and women and show they were capable of every dangerous scenario men were) Briteis is annoyed to with Greene giving her Major Bill Moore (Ross Ford of Challenge to Lassie, Air Hostess, Project Moon Base, Reform School Girl, Assignment: Underwater, The Case of the Dangerous Robin, Rawhide and My Living Doll) as her co-pilot.

Oh God, I farted in my suit and the filter isn't working!

In spite of him being one of the best pilots in the service, Moore and Briteis have some serious friction between them. Moore was passed over for a promotion and is rather pissed that he has to serve under a woman. Imagine such a thing. There is enough sexual tension between these two they could power a rocket themselves. Briteis has difficulties with patching up the radio and tuning it properly and Moore grumbles, talks under his breath and gets the job done. Apparently there is a saboteur on-board the ship that damaged the vessel. Briteis has to put the ship down for repairs. Still when you hear a bit of dialogue like, "Major, I think you're space happy," it may come off as a bit of camp and well you would be correct. My biggest problem of this film is Briteis doesn't even come across as competent and capable but an eager beaver and almost like a petulant girl.

Okay a quick few points to make. While Heinlein was damn progressive, the 1950s could only allow so much via film so yes you have a female leader and for that matter, a female president giving a bit more weight to the writing but, they need to be coaxed or motivated by men. Yup. A woman could manage a position of power but clearly they are so bird brained they need a pat on the head and a treat for a job well done. Charming. The other issues is this was a pilot for a TV serial that apparently didn't get picked up. Most of the costumes and props hailed from Cat Women of the Moon so um... glad they recycled?

Why yes, I am white and doughy but what's yer point?

Now given this is a Heinlein write-up, you can really feel his influence in the female characters but the tropes of their incompetency really detracts the progressive ideals he went with. Methinks some producers couldn't have "broads" outshining the fellas. Ugh. That being said, this is really the building blocks of future female protagonists that can kick ass and smile while doing it. Maria Von Trapp, Leia, Ellen Ripley, Sarah Connor, Alex Owens of Flashdance, Clarice Starling of Silence of the Lambs,Cher Horowitz of Clueless to name a few.

If anything, Mad Max: Fury Road is hailed a bit too high for doing the very thing that movies have managed for some time now. Creating a strong, intelligent and capable female character is not difficult but above all else, don't forget the heart, writers. 

Sorry can't get Wheel in the Sky out of my head. Damn catchy tune.

1950s Moon Movies: Destination Moon

At the suggestion of my lady fair, I am tackling some 1950s Moon Movies. Yeah I know it is out of my element without mass levels of jiggly girls, nudity and plot holes the size of Kansas but it should be fun. With the space race in full swing 11 years after this film, building the necessary foundation of space exploration, a small group of scientists have to convince US companies to foot the bill when the government says it's too much. This is Destination Moon.

Smoooth Criminal!!!  Ow!

With Dr. Charles Cargraves (Warner Anderson of The Lineup, The Caine Mutiny, Peyton Place and The Rockford Files) and retired General Thayer (Tom Powers of Double Indemnity, Angel and the Badman, Julius Caesar, Double Jeopardy and The Go-Getter) desperate to be the first men to make it to the moon, their prototype satellite rocket fails on the ground. The government isn't likely to keep backing financially for more failures in their eyes so the fellas must make their way to the private sector. Aviation constructor and CEO Jim Barnes (John Archer of White Heat, Destination Moon, The Big Trees, Blue Hawaii and The Little Sister) might just be what the guys were looking for.

Establishing the heat from McCarthy spotting reds in every direction to the threat of the USSR gaining an orbital death platform, the general is convinced they simply must gather nothing but the best engineers, scientists and aviators and try again. It is imperative. Jim pushes the fellow captains of industry have to be sold on a Woody Woodpecker cartoon explaining the fundamentals of space travel. Poppycock! The stuff of fantasy! Is it really so impossible that it could not be done?

Dr. Cargraves is home with the wife Emily (Erin O' Brien-Moore of Little Men, Two in the Dark, Ring Around the Moon, The Plough and the Stars, Black Legion, Green Light and The Family Secret) has been given the call that private enterprise is on board, creating airlocks that are pressurized, blue prints created for the original rocket basis for the Apollo, using the Air Force poopie suits (An Air Force survival suit allowing body heat to be contained in the even of an emergency bailout over waters) or immersion suits.

Swingin' mad pad you got here, Daddy-O

Just want to take this time to tell you what impressed me with this movie. The accurate portrayal of weightlessness before the Apollo missions. The usage of jet packs with oxygen tanks maneuvering the astronauts in space and them surviving with bananas and coffee prior to the tang and baby food. All these concepts were based on simple theoretical physics of the time and it was frickin' awesome how true to life they were.

A gross miscalculation means not enough fuel to turn it and burn it back to Earth. Stripping non-essential parts and lighting the load still leaves them a hundred pounds too heavy. One of the four will have to stay behind. Who will it be?

Remember that none of this was factual as this is a decade before anyone made it into space. Admittedly the light-bulbs via starfield were a bit bright but dammit it worked for Roddenberry 14 years later so quit grumping. Also the fact of having a four man flight crew, meaning 4 times the possibility of getting home is no joke. Accidents could happen and no we did not watch a few minutes of them peeing into a hose. That is all Tom Hanks.

Stop farting up there!  God, it's like a stinky jungle.

Post Apocalyptia Italianio: The Exterminators of the Year 3000

How do all and welcome back for Day 4 of Post Apocalyptia Italianio. Yes the world had a nuclear war, the world is mostly desert and water is the most precious thing and blah blah blah. Marauders, bike gangs and gruff anti-hero yackkity yack yack. Yup, so not in the mood but let's try to put on our positive cap and give this flick a proper review. This is Exterminators from the Year 3000.

Ah not since Tracy and Hepburn, has there been such a couple.

Thanks to the nuclear holocaust, our ozone layer is depleted and water is in short supply. Connor MacLeod had no radiation shield to save us all.  HIGHLANDER 2 REFERENCE!!!!   Ahem, our rough, gruff and tough anti-hero with a heart of gold, Alien (Robert Iannucci of Young Doctors in Love, The Exterminators of the Year 3000 and 18 Wheels of Justice) having a run-in with the cops while the music sounds like John Carpenter having a stroke in mid-composure. Again as the lasers are easier to add-on in post rather than buying squibs, blanks and a butt load of pistols and rifles. In a colony compromised of dirt, cliffs and caves a young lad name of Tommy (Luca Venantini of Classe di ferro, Touch and Die, Poor But Beautiful, The Cave of the Golden Rose 5 and Primetime Murder) awaits his father for a new batch of water only he is a few days late...

Wheeeeee!!!!!!

With hydroponics, mushrooms and a few odds and ends, they are making due but they need fresh water and the means to transport it. I noticed cars over 1000 years apparently stopped manufactory after 1983, I saw a Chrysler E-Class zipping around. The biggest obstacle to the colony's survival, Crazy Bull (Fernando Bilbao of Apocalypse Joe, Black Beauty, Antony and Cleopatra, Dracula, Prisoner of Frankenstein, The Erotic Rites of Frankenstein. Fasthand and A Virgin Among the Living Dead) and his murderous, marauding moppets of mayhem or as he is fond of saying. Mother grabbers. Yup mother grabbers. I guess foul language was a no-no or they wanted less of that.   A common term for their killer cars are called Exterminators. Catchy, right.

The mother grabbers snag the colonist caravan is scooped up and slapped about being asked where the water is and refuse when put to the knives and die in silence. Tommy worms his way on foot, links up with Alien pinned in a mangled mobile. Tommy finds use in Alien as they must keep the water spring a secret but you get the general vibe that Alien can be trusted as far as you or I could throw an elephant. Further down the stretch they encounter Trash (Alicia Moro of Pulsebeat, Dear Nanny, Slugs, Dark Mission: Evil Flowers, Edge of the Axe, Velvet Dreams, Hot Blood and Golden Balls) and not be confused with Trash of Bronx Warriors and Escape from the Bronx. Here's a hint. Bewbs. Trash allies with tedious twosome and introduces the lads to Papillion and he will spout pearls of wisdom and...hey. That's Pag from Yor, the Hunter from the Future! Good! I felt this film would need a lot of hemp before they're through. Through the awesome power of Edward Mannix's voice, Papillon begins to tell them of days of high adventure!   Cue the Conan the Destroyer soundtrack!!!  He claims to be an astronaut who  now collects junk, refurbishes it and is a decent mechanic and tech savvy but babbles way too much about the Earth when it was green.  Could be an immortal git but I cannot say for certain.

Humungus' Road Rally of Death!!!

It is a race to the water as Crazy Bull tries his level best at being Immortal Joe or Lord Humungus but he just ends up reminding me of Vernon Wells' Wez from The Road Warrior. No planning really just reaction.   Effects are fair.  Just wanted a bit more battered land vehicles OF THE FUTURE to go with the laser guns, maybe a scale model flying ship they could call a dragon or sky god. The car stunts are impressive and I hope there were some decent roll cages or they just fast edit cut to an empty car as they did in a few shots. Alien is...well he is definitely a jerk but dammit he's our jerk.

So yeah if you need your Road Warrior fix and don't want to remember lines as complicated as: "I'm just here for the gasoline." "Be still my dog of war. I understand your. We've all lost someone we love. But we do it my way!" and of course, "Greetings from the Humungus! The Lord Humungus! The Warrior of the Wasteland! The Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla!" Yup, I guess Thunderdome and Fury Road are the only quotable flicks in the Mad Max quadrilogy.  Unlike some of these knock-offs this had a good cast, decent story progression but it does lull a bit in the second act. Of course that is the pacing they learned how to build up suspense. Violent is brutal but not much by today's standards and sorry pervs, no rape scenes. I'm so sorry. So so sorry.

Still know where the best hemp is.

Post Apocalyptia Italianio: 2020 Texas Gladiators

Hey all! Welcome back for Day 3 of Post Apocalyptia Italianio. Well I am finally done it. Thanks to the former horrors of epinions, I purposely am watching a Joe D' Amato film. Who you may ask? Okay, just pretend you asked because I sit through some really crappy flicks for your reading and listening pleasure! Why, writer/director/producer such scintilating picturesque pleasures like: (God Is My Colt .45, Heroes in Hell, Black Cobra Woman, Emanuelle in Bangkok, Sexy Nights of the Living Dead, Antropophagus, Porno Holocaust, Ator, the Fighting Eagle, The Blade Master a.k.a. Cave Dwellers and of course Gangland Bangers) and today he has his fingers deep within... post-apocalypse. Sheesh, pervs. This is 2020 Texas Gladiators.

They drew First Blood, not me.

So minute in and we have some collective of sweaty shirtless guys stealthily killing off a bunch of mud crusted crazed college kids in order to save a girl, nun and a priest. Turns out this team is actually coordinating as a whole. Team leader Nisus (Al Cliver of Black Emmanuelle White Emmanuelle, Rulers of the City, Zombi, Devil Hunter, The Black Cat, The Beyond, 2020 Texas Gladiators and Endgame- Bronx lotta finale), Halakron (Peter Hooten of Sunburst, A Woman for All Men, Orca, The Inglorious Bastards, The Fifth Commandment, Dr. Strange TV movie, The Soldier, Brothers in Blood and House of Blood) pretty boy Catch Dog (Daniel Stephen of 2020 Texas Gladiators, Warrior of the Lost World, War Bus, Three Supermen in Santo Domingo and The Inheritor) jokester Jab (Harrison Muller of 2020 Texas Gladiators, She, The Violent Breed and the Final Executioner) and Asian martial artist bad ass Red Wolfe (Hal Yamanouchi of Hunter of the Apocalypse. 2020 Texas Gladiators, 2019: After the Fall of New York, Phantom of Death, Robot Jox, The Way Back and The Wolverine).

Ugh, did I get shoehorned in as a love interest!?!

 So after the girl is being jumped, the priest has been crucified and the nun slashed her own throat, our boys spring into action. Bit uh, a bit slow there fellas. What happened? Damodar from Dungeons & Dragons was issuing orders with slow, precise clipped comments? Managing to save the girl, Catch Dog thinks he'll get some fun time but is almost immediately kicked in the ribs and sent out to leave the group. The girl Maida (Sabrina Siani of White Cannibal Queen, Daughter of the Jungle, Ator, the Fighting Eagle, The Throne of Fire and Black Cobra) after being almost savaged by Catch Dog, is dare I say a tad too trusting with Nisus's crew but agrees to show them her settlement of THE FUTURE... and apparently they just now live, work and breed in this settlement?? Seriously no explanation, fade to black wipe with a six months later tag or anything. They are just working on a chemical power plant and wear proper clothes again.

Carl, did you beef?

The chemical plant is laid siege with Catch Dog being a creepy henchman to The Black One... a bald white guy. See if it was the Dark One I could see he is malefic or heartless but naming a pasty white guy the Black One (Donald O' Brien of The Train, Run, Man, Run, Grand Prix, The Name of the Rose,Ghosthouse, Quest for the Mighty Sword a.k.a. Troll 4 and Frankenstein 2000) is a bit odd. His group of black clad Neo Nazis proceed to raise some hell and it is at this point, I just checked out. Mentally I was off in my own little warm oasis. Native Americans dispatching Neo Nazis which... was actually rather cool now I think about it, and yet at least 4 more implied or topless rape scenes. Exploitation goddesss Geretta Geretta (2020 Texas Gladiators, Warrior of the Lost World, Rats: Night of Terror, Demons, Buy & Cell, Shocking Dark a.k.a. The Terminator 2 and Sweets and Treats) does make an appearance but alas no speaking role.

No sooner did this composure sound familiar I ran to IMDB and beheld what had came to pass. Composer Carlo Maria Cordio (Absurd a.k.a. Zombie 6 Monster Hunter, Pieces, Ator, the Fighting Eagle, Endgame- Bronx lotta finale, The Lone Runner, Iron Warrior, Killing Birds a.k.a. Zombi 5- Killing Birds, Touch of Death, Shocking Dark a.k.a. The Terminator 2 and Midnight Ride) sythesizer magics, electric drums and electro funk sounds have graced my ears in some really trashy and tasteless flicks to which I thought, "Huh, well at least the soundtrack is good."

All in all, I was not a fan. There is next to no plot, the characters are not given enough time to develop as they are being wiped out left and right and the dubbing is probably so far off what the film was to be. Lifted Russian Roulette down to the lighting, tight zooms and attitude straight from the Deer Hunter. Things like continuity and proper transition, meh those just waste time. Hell I don't even have a proper timeline log. So yeah if you need your action/sci-fi post-apocalypse without any real effort, then folks you are in good hands. Usually a Joe D' Amato film offers some semblance of a story but not this turd waffle.

That's not Megaweapon!!!  BOOOOO!!!!

Post Apocalyptia Italianino: 2019: After the Fall of New York

Welcome back one and all to Day 2 of Post Apocalyptia Italianio. Hopefully we will have less scoring with hinted sodomy this time around. Again yesterday's bad touch addition was amazingly enough not a stripped girl being ganged on. Progress! Today's cinematic creation hails from exploitation/horror/sci-fi/giallo and sexploitation director Sergio Martino (Blade of the Ripper, Torso, High School Girl, Sex with a Smile, A Man Called Blade, The Mountain of the Cannibal God, Screamers and Craving Desire) bringing a post-doom-laden destruction of New York City after the nuclear war brought to us by writer Ernesto Gastaldi (The Case of the Bloody Iris, My Name is Nobody, A Genius, Two Friends and a Idiot,The Great Alligator, Casablanca Express and Top Model 2). This is 2019, After the Fall of New York a.k.a. New York- 2019 a.k.a. The Fall of New York and After the Fall of New York.

My God, the scale of devastation must be, about 1/16 I think.

With the terrifying devastation of scale-model New York we see the remains of the once proud city with blacken husks of skyscrapers and yet Lady Liberty not even marred. The narration explains it has been 20 years since the fallout and the world is divided into two major factions the United European Forces or Eurak and a fledgling rebellion called Federation. Thanks to the destruction, radiation in the air, soil and water there have been no children born and is looking as though humanity is finally over.

We find our would-be hero Parsifal (Michael Sopkiw of 2019: After the Fall of New York, Blastfighter, Devil Fish, Massacre in Dinosaur Valley and Bad Dog and Superhero) engaged in a death race in his armored 67 Chevy Malibu with another car of which he defeats. Hey he is the hero so that is just going to happen.  Dressed like NPC Companion Ian via Fallout, he deals with the baddies easily enough and goes to claim his prize. The prize? No, not the Highlander prize. He gets a girl Flower (Siriana Hernadez of 2019: After the Fall of New York) like he is on Fallout: Gor Edition who calls him Master. Our boy just sets her free to live a life that doesn't involve making the love to a guy she doesn't know. No sooner that good deed, Parsifal is zapped by a cheesy light ray effect and abducted to meet with...the Dean from Pieces? Yes the president of the Pan American Confederacy (Edmund Purdom of Sword of Freedom, Herod the Great, The Night Child, Deep Thoughts, Pieces, Ator, the Fighting Eagle, Verdi, Amok and Killer vs Killers) chats up Parsifal like he is Commissioner Haug chewing the fat with Snake Plissken and brother he is no Lee Van Cleef.

Sorry Plissken, no one Escapes From Cleveland.

Enlisting our roguishly handsome hero to find the one lone female Giara (Valentine Monnier of The Telephone Bar, Elle voit des nains partout!, 2019: After the Fall of New York and Devil Fish) that is not sterile, they plan to make use of her eggs after they leave the planet heading to Alpha Centauri... yeah I didn't just throw that together. So before the space race booty fest can occur, Parsifal has to sneak into the Eurak controlled region of New York but he won't be going alone. With the aid of Bronx (Paolo Maria Scalondro of The Blue-Eyed Bandit, Monsignor, Nucleo zero, Vendetta, An Eyewitness Account and Sleepless) a battered cyborg with a map of Manhattan and all its burroughs tucked away in his noggin and Rachet (Romano Puppo of Death Rides a Horse, The Great Alligator, The Commander, Secret of the Sahara, Ghoulies II and Zombi 4: After Death) the Confederate's strongest man, they will infilterate and break out Giara from her hiding place for the good of humanity. Clank was on back order. Maybe next time.

Sir? My helm just blurs my vision. You?

Oh boy, our old buddy George Eastman of New Barbarians makes an appearance as slightly mutated fellow, name of Big Ape. With the Ape Men vs the Rat Eaters, these gangs are kinda goofy. Didn't recognize him, he wasn't wearing his bad touch sodomy pants this time.  Anna Kanakis formerly Alma from New Barbarians as well is a Eurak Officer...named Ania, a power hungry, sexually aggressive woman with a lust for power and probably Parsifal.

Once again we have laser weapons but no stormtrooper blast tech armor to soak up the rays. Funny that Parsifal is packing the same blaster the Templars of New Barbarians were. I love the Confederacy have those chrome blasters from Barbarella. No seriously, I swear it looks identical to the one Jane Fonda was carrying. The mercs are dressed like Ring Wraiths at a BDSM club so not sure where the costume designer was going there. Composers Maurizio De Angelis and Guido De Angelis give some eerie organ music, electro punk and some funk going that would please George Clinton and his Parliment Funkadelic buuuuUuuuut... the score has been lifted from Yor, the Hunter from the Future. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!?! Granted the same composers here but man, not even the same director, production company or even distribution. You would think heads would roll for that. Other incidental music sounds like it was used for Zombi 4: After Death much later.

What's the verdict? Well with the genocide, gore, nudity and random sex euphemism; it actually has a decent enough coherent story, we do get some character development and even backstory. It's a bit goofy and there is no real to describe this film other than it is an experience that cannot truly be fashioned into words. It is neither a good film nor is it a bad film. I think I was entertained somehow. Huh.

Georgia May found dumpster diving again.

Post Apocalyptia Italianio: New Barbarians

Hey there all and welcome back to the week. Well if you read the general vibe of social media, people are either heading off to Canada and Mexico, hoarding water, gasoline and MREs and overall being insane because of the ginger demon will shortly be running the country. So with that theme in mind, it is clearly time for some post-apocalyptic films but not any old doomed region. No, no. We are heading towards Italian Post-apocalyptic films. Spaghetti Sci-Fi? Post-apocalyptic Pasta? I prefer Post-Apocalyptia Italiano of which my lady made it sound like a bistro that serves a lot of rat based meals. Starting us off down "The Road", ha slap me, is the Sci-Fi, Sci-Fi Fantasy and Action exploitation director himself, Enzo G. Castellari (A Few Dollars for Django, Eagles Over London, Cold Eyes of Fear, Street Law, The Inglorious Bastards, 1990: The Bronx Warriors, Escape from the Bronx, Tuareg: The Desert Warrior and Hammerhead) and the dark fiendish fate awaiting humanity. This is The New Barbarians a.k.a. Warriors of the Wasteland a.k.a. Metropolis 2000 a.k.a. The New Barbarians: Warriors of the Wasteland

Mad Max's Cousin: Snarky Sid.

The year is 2019 and the Decepticons have control of Cybertron and.. hang on a tit, that Transformers: The Movie. Sorry about that. The year is 2019, after a nuclear bombardment, humanity has been reduced to handfuls of starving groups struggling to survive from day to day. Couldn't help but notice this particular crowd had a streaming water basin by them that looks similar to Lake Havasu Arizona but I must still be in shock and awe of the world's ending.

Damn, they trying to make me look uncool.

Our paltry crowd of survivors are attacked by a gang known as the Templars, that raid, pillage and plunder whatever settlements pocketed with humanity to clean the Earth of their verminous ways. Lead by One (George Eastman of Ironmaster, Monster Hunter, Endgame- Bronx lotta finale, Blastfighter, King David and The Barbarians), they are zipping about in dune buggies, bikes and wearing hand-me-downs from either the Motion Picture or Wrath of Khan. It is hard to tell. That and lots of white plastic. Guess this is Post-Apocalyptic Endor and they just stripped the stormtroopers. Mako, his "Number One GuuuuUUuUy" (Massimo Vanni of The Inglorious Bastards, The Last Shark, 1990: The Bronx Warriors, Rats: Night of Terror, Zombi 3, Zombi 4: After Death and Body and Soul) wipes out fallout fools left and right in their souped up buggies. I think they stole Megaforce's entire patrol enforcement vehicles and removed the armament. Sadly No Persis Khambatta in or out of scanty outfits.

My hair is fabulous!

The Crazies and no not the George Romero nor its remake are wrapped in dirty white cloth like mummies, wearing welding goggles ,duct tape and a few spears. They mostly grunt, hobble and make like Sand People. 14 minutes in and the movie's bad ass is on the scene. Scorpion (Not the Mortal Kombat guy, Giancarlo Prete of Street Law, Who Breaks... Pays, The Loves and Times of Scaramouche, Messalina, Messalina, Midnight Blue and The Last Shark), a former Templar dispatches the crazies with Han Solo/Indiana Jones style with his pistol. Engaged in a long range fight with his blaster versus a sling shot I saw it was a boy. Turns out it was a mock battle then I saw the boy. Frickin' Bob from House by the Cemetery's Giovanni Frezza. KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!! Scorpion doesn't trek the wastelands in a buggy or BMX, no sir or lady. Our boy rolls in a souped up black 1967 Pontiac Firebird. The bubble dome and wing looks a bit screwy but damn if that isn't a fine piece of machinery.

Having a Templar encounter, Scorpion picks up Alma (Anna Kanakis of Sugar, Honey and Pepper, Warriors of the Wasteland, 2019: After the Fall of New York, A Season of Giants, Young Catherine, Money and The Final Contract) who wants to move her people to a safer location away from the Templars but it will take some doing. Enter Nadir (Fred Williamson of Black Caesar, Hell Up in Harlem, Tough Guys, The Inglorious Bastards, Hell's Heroes, From Dusk 'Til Dawn, Vegas Vampires and Revamped) an explosives expert with archery skills and a disturbing leather outfit with golden shoulder pads. How the hell do you make Fred Williamson look uncool and what gives you the right, Enzo Castellari!?!

Rectum?  We're gonna kill'em!

Between the two, they figure they can fend off One's army of bad touch marauders long enough for the group to get off to where they need to start a new life with their leader Father Moses (Venantino Venantini of The Exterminators of the Year 3000, My Other Husband, Ladyhawke, The Assisi Underground, Final Justice, The Erotic Dreams of Cleopatra, The Repenter and The King's Whore)

Composer Claudio Simonetti (Deep Red, Suspiria, Demons, Opera, The House of Witchcraft, Nightmare Beach and Mother of Tears) a real electrofunk, disco electric drum beats giving it an groovy, yet funky vibe. Now with all this coolness in mind, there is a sodomy scene while not graphic is creepy enough so you have been warned. Yes fellas there is a fair degree of nudity so you won't get bored.