Sin Reaper

Hey there, gang! I'm back with a horror film to review. Yes I know, I do lapse into this a little too often but this particular flick is produced and distributed by the one and only, Fangoria Magazine. 

For those that aren't warped and eerie from so many slasher films or whatever fits the holy rollers' current criteria, Fangoria Magazine has been in print since 1979, started as a quarterly issue and it wasn't until the 7^th issue did it venture solely into Horror genre. In 2015, the magazine was ceased and unlikely to be back in print but had a huge internet following and the fans spoke out. Film producer Dallas Sonnier of Cinestate acquired the magazine in 2018 and also sunk fangs into podcasting, film production and novelization under the Fangoria flag.

FYI, films produced by Fangoria is as far back as 1990 with Bruce and Bill Campbell's Mindwarp so the magazine is no stranger to Horror distribution. Back to the movie now.

Today's flick is about a young woman with continuous nightmares or visions of a past she isn't certain is hers. After consulting with her shrink, she takes his advise and makes her way to Germany, seeking her ancestral roots. This is Sin Reaper.

Did I get top billing? Damn straight I did!

Heeeeeyyyy...her shrink looks an awful lot like an android. Yup that's Lance Henriksen, character actor extraordinaire!

The young woman is Samantha Walker (Helen Mutch of Lunar Girl, All in the Game, You're Fired!! Lycanthropy Gardens with Red Roses, The Village and Sin Reaper 3D) whose nightmares are about a disturbing cowled monk with a four sided ax? Maybe a flail? A mace? Need a SCA member to wage a guess. She converses with Frank Black there and sees what can be done. While Samantha has been with a loving family, she is adopted and knows next to nothing about her birth parents. Her artwork is vivid and she has a few medications but not quite the bevy I have seen. Doesn't seem to be on any anti-psychotics, her artwork is still being channeled.  Using her own drawings, Lance find Wallhausen monastery and sets her on her path to this remote, isolated area of Germany and find out if there is any truth to her dreams and must confront them head on. How very Dr. Phil. Hope she's paid up for sessions.

MICHELLE!!! FLEDGLING!!!

Among ze Germans, most of the cast sounds like they learned their English lines phonetically and I am having Troll 2 flashbacks already. You don't piss on hospitality, boy!

We find the garb of said monk is reminiscent of ones found with the Crusades and I am immediately wondering if he or she is connected to the Knights Templar. It is a popular connection for Horror. Amando de Ossorio's Tombs of the Blind Dead quadrilogy is prime examples of such. The music score is reminding me of Ted Nicolau's Vampire Journals. Prep the vampire orgy scenes!  No?  Huh, I mean that's fine. Didn't wanna see those anyway, whatever. Instead our killer monk seems to be gacking men and women of the Roman Catholic faith. So the Protestants can breathe easy I guess.

Okay before I go further, I must warn you that you are not getting your Lance Henriksen fix from this film. His shrink character has about three scenes and then he's out of the flick. I know, I would have loved it if he went with Samantha on this intrepid journey into her bloodlines' past but it was not meant to be. Or they simply couldn't afford him. Low budget has to put their money where they can in all of the project.

Got a little grape jelly on your neck there.

Moving on, Samantha finds herself at the very monastery of her dreams of bloody murder. That's..uh that's not necessarily a good thing. The monastery itself is vast and a character all to its own. Provides great atmosphere and frankly I'd shoot a flick horror wise here as well. Proper mood and darkness spreads over the courtyard and you will be easily creeped out.

Samantha almost immediately bonds with another tourist Sasha (Patrick J. Thomas of Son of Morning, Going Global, Sin Reaper 3D, Million Dollar Matchmaker and Megan Nicole: Checklist) and I think it may be due to her dreams of blood or possibly she just doesn't get out in the dating scene that often. Hell I don't understand women enough to psychoanalyze them. Just felt rather sudden. The guy's pretty enough but Samantha is practically salivating.

The caretaker of the monastery gets all shady and foreshadow like hinting this may not be the safest idea, so naturally our gaggle of one-dimensional teens have to go back in the night and start screwing around or screwing each other. When will these pesky teens to twenty somethings ever learn?!

Lord be praised!  *WHACK!

Interesting enough, one of the tourists Jenny (Hazuki Kato of Ballistica, The Forest, The League, Sin Reaper 3D, Shi, Muppets Most Wanted, Falcon Rising, Atomic Eden and Grisse) speaks perfect English buuuuuut has done something her voice that either sounds like nails on a chalkboard or a Yoko Ono album. Whichever is more painful for you. I think it was the director's choice, I will look further into young Kato's filmography and make a more informed decision.

So one by one they are stalked and now we have slasher elements and for this film, that's okay. What puzzles me is the whole 3-D angle because our kills didn't get the graphic edge I was expecting. Figured innards and entrails would fly at the screen or a head would bounce down a flight of stairs but yeah it was really wasted. Loved how the staff of the tourist spot there attempts to be nonchalant but FAILS at even a hint of subtlety. The performances were workable and decent. Camera, lighting and sound all quality and just again shows that low budget can create just as easily as the A-List.

Not a bad concept using a religious persecution as the basis of your Horror movie, it has been done before but this was executed well. Director Sebastian Bartolitius (Another Slice of Life, Die Reise des Jacob Crane, Coppelius and Passage 33) made this unfold well but some of the less than subtle responses made it feel awkward in scenes. At the end of the day it is good work.

Few observations at this time. Lot of handheld work. While that can create suspense if done right I guess they didn't have the ability for a dolly track from scene to scene. Some real jarring zoom up shots and weird pans, made me wonder how much work these cameramen had prior but overall some solid work. Not trashing the cinematography. Just made me start thinking of early 90s Charles Band flicks like Subspecies. Again not a bad thing and easy enough to get used to.

STOP MENTIONING THE WAR!

Zombie Army

Okay campers, how are we? Well today's film should be quite illuminating. No I am kidding, it's a SOV (Shot on VHS). These geniuses thought a home movie look would be significantly cheaper to create a movie on and they're right. That process would be cheaper and it looks like crap trying to process it to 35mm and back to video. This is Zombie Army.

Brother, can you spare some brains?

We start the film with a homemade anti-piracy threat of they'll rip out lungs out if we copy it.  If this wasn't a fan request, I wouldn't have gone near this potential stinky diaper. Not because I think SOV was a bad call but YET ANOTHER Zombie film.  I presume that poor audio was capturing monkeys farting on a snare drum or the junior high band student they got to establish a military flick just saw Platoon. With all the naughty bits in it.

We have a couple scientists with a high budget they seem to be in a high school hallway as they converse and kids pour in. I count 6 guys in lab coats, so I guess they teach here. The professor is giving a lecture while we get odd flashback scenes of a kid getting dunked into a bathtub. Yeah I can't correlate these scenes either. With so much grain on the screen I'm pretty sure I am staring at a field of wheat.

Naturally we cannot know what director Betty Stapleford's (Zombie Army) true vision is yet. Pretty sure it revolves around hash brownies. Ow, they added the creepy sting music in later and it is much louder than the dialogue. Just hurt my ears. Professor Hipster beard was actually a part of an elaborate test to see if they could conform a convicted rapist and murderer into a productive member of society. Then he loses his shit and they have to drug him on the spot. Experiment failed!

You're not Mr. Cooper and I refuse to hang with you!

The nuts take over the school er um asylum and madness looms in the air.  Not really.   Due to government rationing of expenses, the hospital is supposed to be shut down. Which the rest of the staff is informed after tossing Professor Hipster and a woman thinking she is a little girl into solitary. Together. Yes we have implied rape scenarios too. Nothing but class for this viewer, let me tell you.

The military takes over the hospital and its grounds because...the budget? Hell if I know. I have seen the layout of the place and you really couldn't fortify it much to say the least. And you know they're serious, they even brought their willy jeeps. A jeep that was replaced by the Humvee what? 70 years ago?  Time Traveling Militia!!!!

So Colonel Plot Point rambles on how the nuts got tossed out on the street and they have these buildings for nothing. The military in a habit of taking over disused complexes?  This place was thoroughly checked from top to bottom. That's how the starving crazies managed to sneak on up on trained infantry. Look I have a light step but sneaking up on a soldier can be difficult without similar training.

The two remaining nuts use electroshock therapy on soldiers they have clubbed to death and somehow they're re-animated. Sure. Fine. Why the hell not. One of the zombies is trying to be Bub to Professor Hipster's Dr. Logan via Day of the Dead. Just not well. This film drags on longer than a dog's poop after eating a wheel of cheese.

Gomer Pyle vs Zombies.

Anyway zombies vs army blah blah blah. I like the idea of filming in an abandoned complex but I think I would go more ghost story than anything else. The decades if not two centuries worth of illegal or immoral experimentation to better understand the human mind? But that's what I would have wrote.

Instead we got closet zombies, bad jump scares and scare stinger chords that hurt the ears. Surprised the "Army" were armed with cap guns.  The zombie makeup is competent, the innards look decent and one could possibly grossed out on this.   Oh sorry almost forgot to mention, "Yes there is titty in this film."   Thank God we got that covered. 

 If I want incompetent soldiers, zombies galore and some creepy rape scenario, I will watch the scintillating opus that is Day of the Dead: Bloodlines.

This stink nugget is 82 mins long and moves at the speed most cancers do. The dialogue is barely heard, the story has so many subplots and our "actors" look bored more than anything else.

So if you have 82 minutes to spare, watch this movie. If you stopped loving life, watch this movie. If you want to not how to NOT shoot a movie, watch this movie. If your kids are misbehaving, make them watch this movie and take notes.

I wanna be Captain Rhodes, dammit!

Luke Cage Season 2

He's bad, he's black and he's back baybees!!!  No I am not talking about myself.   Dear God I am pale as an albino.  Talking about Mike Colter's Luke Cage.  This is Luke Cage Season 2.

After the events of the Defenders and dealing with the Hand, Luke Cage (Mike Colter of The Good Wife, Jessica Jones, Agent X, Luke Cage, The Defenders and Girls Trip) returns to Harlem to rebuild Pop's barber shop and bring some peace to the neighborhood.

Yeah, you got an adult chair for me to sit in?

With Diamondback still missing and Cottonmouth enjoying his swan dive through a window, former Councilwoman Mariah Dillard (Alfie Woodard of Down in the Delta, Passion Fish, Star Trek: First Contact, Mumford, Memphis Beat, Tru Blood and Captain America: Civil War) has her heart set on bringing her project to Harlem and restore her family name.  A tad difficult when her relationship to Shades Alvarez (Theo Rossi of Red Sands, Sons of Anarchy, Lowriders, When the Bough Breaks and Luke Cage) is still moving guns for the business.

Mariah has vested interest in a deal that could net her millions if not hundreds of millions so she moves her "acquired" Hammer weapons to the highest bidder and brother they are hungry.

A new player in Brooklyn, Bushmaster (Mustafa Shakir of The Cavern, Daybreak, NCIS: Los Angeles, The Night Of, Quarry, Fight Your Way Out and Luke Cage) is looking to be heavy.

Okay, okay! You're cooler than Black Lightning. Jeez!

Meanwhile Detective Misty Knight (Simone Missick of A Taste of Romance, Scandal, Wayward Pines, American Koko, Luke Cage and The Defenders) has been given leave of her badge and her pension. If she takes it, of course. A bit of animosity amongst her fellow shields as her late partner was found dirty and in the late Cottonmouth's pocket.

Rand-Mitchum Enterprises has set her up with a bionic arm giving her one helluva right hook.   Dr. Claire Temple (Rosario Dawson of Men in Black II, Rent, The Rundown, Alexander, Sin City, Clerks II, Death Proof, Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Iron Fist, The Defenders and Luke Cage) and Cage are having...more than coffee and on the verge of building a real relationship.

Yes, I know you're looking down my dress.

A re-appearance of Colleen Wing (Jessica Henwick of Spirit Warriors, North by Northhamptonshire, Inspector Lewis, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, The Head Hunter, Iron Fist, The Defenders and Luke Cage) bonds with Misty, pointing out she is only a cripple if she feels like one.  Colleen furthermore tells Misty, if she didn't step in when she did that Colleen would be dead.

We got some more musical talent again, Ghostface Killah, Mobb Deep, Gregory Isaacs, Joi and my heart skipped a beat hearing Nina Simone.

Writer Cheo Hodari Coker once again delivers on some damn fine writing. Edgy, street and true to life in a comic book series. With an awesome R&B, decent Hip Hop and Rap soundtrack, it is hard to not like Season 2 as the heat got turned up. Special-Guest stars...well you'll have to see to believe.

You got sumthin' against the Yankees??

RottenReelzReviews Video Review # 3.5: ICWXP

So i have enjoyed a YouTube channel for some time now.

Here's the review.  Hope you enjoy it!

A Week of Gilliam: Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Hey folks welcome back to the week. So this week I was thinking of humor, pretensous behavior and clever writing so of course I immediately thought of Terry Gilliam (And Now for Something Completely Different, Monty Python's Flying Circus, Jabberwocky, Life of Brian, Time Bandits, The Meaning of Life, Brazil, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen and 12 Monkeys), writer/director/animator/actor/Monty Python alumni. Between the hiatus between the 3^rd and 4^th season of Monty Python's Flying Circus, the Pythons decide to poke fun at the Arthurian legends of Camelot. This is Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Second unit loathes them all. You can just tell.

Before we get into this, yes I love this flick. It was a staple of junior and senior high and yes, my friends and I all quoted from it on a regular basis much to my parents' substantial patience. Where else are you going to see the foley ( ADR and sound effect) effect being used as horses cantering on the ground by Gilliam as Patsy clunking a couple coconut halves? The place. England. The year. 932 A.D. King Arthur (Graham Chapman of At Last the 1948 Show, The Magic Christian, Monty Python's Flying Circus, The Odd Job, Life of Brian, Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl, The Meaning of Life, Yellowbeard, Still Crazy Like a Fox and Stage Fright) and Patsy attempt to recruit men that will take up arms to defend of Britain. After being mocked profusely of his lack of knowledge based in coconuts and swallows, Arthur moves on to find able bodied men for his quest to Camelot. Encountering an awesome swordmaster simply known as the Black Knight does not bear fruit to the likes Arthur would appreciate. For one, the Black Knight is a complete loony. 

Gods, I just sneezed!

 Making their way to a village under going a witch trial they meet with Sir Bedevere, Arthur and Patsy find the first knight to join them. With a bit of fast forward others join in their mission to defend the realm...only to find tis a silly place. Sir Lancelot the Brave (John Cleese of Life of Brian, Fawlty Towers, Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl, The Meaning of Life, A Fish Called Wanda, Erik the Viking, Fierce Creatures, The World Is Not Enough, Mini Adventures of Winnie the Pooh and Trolls) Sir Gallhad the Pure (Michael Palin of Twice a Fortnight, Broaden Your Mind, Complete and Utter History of Britain, Monty Python's Flying Circus, Jabberwocky, Time Bandits, The Missionary, Brazil, A Fish Called Wanda, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, The Meaning of Life, The Wipers Times and Clangers) and Sir Robin the Not-Quite-So-Brave-As-Sir-Lancelot (Eric Idle of Monty Python's Flying Circus, The Odd Job, Life of Brian, Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl, The Meaning of Life, Yellowbeard, The Transformers: The Movie, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, Nearly Departed, Discworld, Discworld II: Mortality Bytes!, Hercules, Suddenly Susan and Ella Enchanted)

So were we clear whether or not coconuts could migrate?

What a better time that be greeted by God voiced by Graham Chapman charging the Knights of the Round Table with acquiring the Holy Grail at the request of God. So of course you best hop to it. I mean, I for one would not relish the idea of being turned into a pillar of salt. With barriers such as snooty French soldiers, a three-headed giant and the Dreaded Knights who say Ni, our heroes know that this very well could be the story of the ages.

Will our brave knights find their way?? Can the Grail be all its cracked up to be?? Are the Psalms really that depressing??

The brilliance of having equally screwy for your cast means you can use them as you have in the troupe for the show so they are basically performing skits throughout the film. The wisdom to drag poor Connie Booth (Dickens of London, Fawlty Towers, Little Lord Fauntleroy, The Story of Ruth, The Hound of the Baskervilles, Every Breath You Take, The Return of Sherlock Holmes, Floodtide, The Tomorrow People, Faith and The Bucccaneers) and Carol Cleveland (Now Look Here, Old Dracula, Monty Python's Flying Circus, The Brute, Life of Brian, Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl, The Meaning of Life, Too Much Too Young and The Search for Simon) brings in additional love from the Python fans.

With a budget of $400,000 The Holy Grail racked in more than $5 million in 1975, as far as I know has been on of the most sought after rentals since it was on Betamax, VHS and Laserdisc. The comedy is mostly in the background. Peasants flogging cats against poles, monks thumping their own foreheads with wooden idols, farmers collecting dirt as if it was something rare, there is a scarce level of intelligence just creating this absurd world and no one batting an eye on that sure oddity?

Michael Palin played the most characters tallying to twelve different roles. Sir-Not-Appearing-In-This-Film is Michael Palin's son William as a wee baby. Fans of Monty Python include in our ranks are the bands Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd and Genesis. They also ponied up some production funds for the Pythons as well.

Careful. That vixen probably has a comfy chair.

Random Goofy: Randal's Monday

Welcome back to another helping of Random Goofy. Hey you come up with the titles then. Well we just managed our way through Camel Spiders and that deserves a computer game break. How about a graphic adventure game chock full of dark humor, pop culture references, nods to video games of past and present and maybe some point and click? Too bad, we're doing that anyway. You act as if you had a choice. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Ahem. Our game revolves around a snarky slacker who is quick with the quips, enjoys dark humor and obscure pop culture references that only a handful will get. This is Randal's Monday.

Oh boy..

Fresh from Nexus Game Studios as a first title, Randal is a sociopathic, kleptomaniac with delusions of godhood and a need to inflict pain on those around him... okay fine, he swipes things and is a jerk. PC enough? Sheesh. His best buddy Matt finally is asking his girl Sally to marry him with a ring that he got from a guy for a Dorito. The ring emits an aura of power, untold fortunes and darkness as well. Matt proceeds out to the dumpster to projectile vomit to the likes Linda Blair's Regan couldn't have managed. Matt drops his wallet with ring inside and Randal pockets it. A dull Monday of drinking and everyone goes their way.

The next day, (Monday) Randal finds in the newspaper that Matt is dead? The Hell? Rushes over to his broseph to see the what what is goin' on. Dealing with back rent due, best friend brutally murdered and fiancee Sally now distraught, Randal may have to actually care. A cursed ring may have a sentient mind and demented sense of humor throwing used kitty litter on your day.

Gonna go back in tIIiIime..bap bap baya!!!

With a vibe of the 90s slacker meets Groundhog's Day, the Mondays get weirder and weirder warping the space-time continuum about that not all changes are for the better. Frickin' Koalas everywhere. Nerds cosplaying and science fiction horribly mutilated. The Saga bad touched! In the point and click decision making style of the Lucasarts Full Throttle and Monkey Island sequels, you really have to use your brain to solve this diabolical puzzle.

Okay best parts are always for last so let's get started. 1) the game option of old school double click mouse for this PC game or new single click of current puzzle solving. 2)Old school 2-D with enough nods to Lucasarts you see more than a couple Polecats in prison. 3) Lastly, Randal is voiced by none other than...Jeff Anderson of Clerks, Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back and Clerks II. Yup the man that brought us the quintessential slacker that put off work, screwed around and violated minds, souls and bodies is voicing our...um hero? Call him protagonist for cataloguing purposes.

You did something to my ass, didn't you bum?

With references dating as far back as The Day the Earth Stood Still, Pulp Fiction, Clerks, the Holy Saga (Star Wars Original Trilogy for those not in the know, yo.), Back to the Future and just in general geek minutia that it will warm many hearts, tickle funny bones and gross out the norms as always. Also keep ears on the up and up for Jason Mewes' voice. Trust me you will find him.

Standard 2-D art rendered graphics, great visuals and the concept of point and click meaning you have to navigate around rooms, outdoors, subways and even gasp, interact with people without being able to taser them in the balls. I know. That part was a let down. The hints option is just a box labeled kill kitty. That's right kids, every time you cheat a innocent kitty dies!!!

With its impeccable voice cast, simple but pleasant soundtrack and gaggle of bizarre characters you should have some fun trying to figure this curse out.

To paraphrase Jay, "Lord Vader needs Spanx."

Erratic Viewings: Ash vs Evil Dead Season 2

Hey gang. I could bore you with details on why we had such a short week. Let's just say a few things cropped up and I would rather not go in to extravagant detail. Instead how about we see some aimless direction. An irregular course if you will. Planning the week out gets to be a huge pain in the tuckus and frankly other than the makers of Preparation H, who needs it?

Today we catch up with as Bruce Campbell described him as 40 percent action hero and 60 percent bone head, Ashley J Williams as he battles the forces of darkness, downs a few brews and maybe even get a little sugar along the way. This is Ash vs Evil Dead Season 2.

Man this girdle really keeps the gut in.

A pact is made in order to save his friends Kelly (Dan DeLorenzo of The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, Californication, Impress Me, The Mad Ones and Ash vs Evil Dead) and Pablo (Ray Santiago of Girlfight, Meet the Fockers, Dirty Deeds, My Name Is Earl, Raising Hope and Ash vs Evil Dead) and to fulfill his life long dream of being in Jacksonville Florida??? Seriously? Nothing against the town but surely there could have been more out there. Ruby Knowby (Lucy Lawless of Hercules and the Amazon Women, High Tide, Xena: Warrior Princess, Tarzan, Eurotrip, Vampire Bats, Justice League: The New Frontier, Battlestar Galactica, Bitch Slap and Spartacus: War of the Damned), daughter of the late Professor Raymond Knowby and Henrietta, sister to Annie has found herself in quite the pickle. As her spawn of Baal decided they don't need momma anymore, she drops the truce, says the magic words and Ash is back knee deep in the cow crap. Deadites attack Ash and gang in Jacksonville but they are quickly dispatched as one of them hints to Ash's hometown in Elk Grove Michigan.

Still gotta work with that Campbell clod.

Armed with boomstick, chainsaw and even the Kandarian dagger, Ash is ready to lay waste to more demons and deadites but not all set from the less than warm welcome as he is referred as Ashy Slashy, an acquitted but still highly suspected serial killer and the town never lets him forget it. He still has friends and family in town like his drunken bar-tending pervy pal Chet (Ted Raimi of The Evil Dead, Evil Dead II: Dead by Dawn, Darkman, SeaQuest 2032, Wishmaster, Xena: Warrior Princess, Spider-Man, Evil Dead: Regeneration and Drag Me to Hell) his bitter skirt chasing pop Brock (Lee Majors of The Big Valley, Owen Marshal, Counselor at Law, The Six Million Dollar Man, The Fall Guy, Raven, Raising Hope, Wild Bill Hickok: Swift Justice and Dead Rising) and the girl that got away, Linda (Michelle Hurd of ER, Gossip Girl, Girl Most Likely, 90210, The Glades, Jessica Jones, Daredevil, Blindspot and Ash vs Evil Dead).

Honey, you got real ugly.

Local law enforcement used to be a kid Ash tormented in high school thinks all the sudden craziness is directly linked to our favorite knucklehead and well, he isn't all that off but dammit let the hero have a brew, a girl and the odd doobie. Ruby reluctantly teams up with the deadite slayers in the hopes that they can prevent to return of Baal (Joel Tobeck of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Young Hercules, Xena: Warrior Princess, Cleopatra 2525, Power Rangers DinoThunder, Little Fish, Ghost Rider, 30 Days of Night and Accidents Happen), say the right words and keep him back in the Underworld where the little Marlyn Manson coiffed prick needs to be.

Can Ash stop this impeding pile of preternatural poltergeists!?! Will Kelly and Pablo get a real life again??? Can Ruby ever not be foxy???

Fun facts now. Auckland, New Zealand is the place of the Ash vs Evil Dead stomping grounds. This filming area may sound familiar as it has been used for: Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Xena: Warrior Princess, Spartacus: Gods of the Arena, the 2013 Evil Dead, King Kong, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and 30 Days of Night.

That damn Oldsmobile Delta 88 is the exact same make, model and even color from the original Evil Dead trilogy. The original car of course belongs to writer,director and creator of The Evil Dead Sam Raimi who always tries to sneak that clunkasaurus into almost every film he directs. The original composer for Evil Dead Joe LoDuca (The Evil Dead, Evil Dead II: Dead by Dawn, Moontrap, Army of Darkness, Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Xena: Warrior Princess, Young Hercules, Jack of All Trades, Cleopatra 2525, The Librarian: Quest for the Spear, Alien Apocalypse, My Name is Bruce and Ash vs Evil Dead) returns to compose for the madness that is still Raimi's creation. With writer/producer Tom Spezialy (Weird Science, Desperate Housewives, Chaos, Zero Hour, Manhattan and The Leftovers) working hand in hand with Sam and Ivan Raimi, you know you are in for one-liners, gross outs, gore and general grooviness. If you loved the flicks, you'll enjoy the show. Hey if you only know Bruce from Brisco County or Burn Notice, you'll enjoy it but... better have a strong stomach. Still blood, guts and the naughty words.

Ash, Deadite slayer and chainsaw bear sculpter.

Post Apocalyptia Italianio: The Exterminators of the Year 3000

How do all and welcome back for Day 4 of Post Apocalyptia Italianio. Yes the world had a nuclear war, the world is mostly desert and water is the most precious thing and blah blah blah. Marauders, bike gangs and gruff anti-hero yackkity yack yack. Yup, so not in the mood but let's try to put on our positive cap and give this flick a proper review. This is Exterminators from the Year 3000.

Ah not since Tracy and Hepburn, has there been such a couple.

Thanks to the nuclear holocaust, our ozone layer is depleted and water is in short supply. Connor MacLeod had no radiation shield to save us all.  HIGHLANDER 2 REFERENCE!!!!   Ahem, our rough, gruff and tough anti-hero with a heart of gold, Alien (Robert Iannucci of Young Doctors in Love, The Exterminators of the Year 3000 and 18 Wheels of Justice) having a run-in with the cops while the music sounds like John Carpenter having a stroke in mid-composure. Again as the lasers are easier to add-on in post rather than buying squibs, blanks and a butt load of pistols and rifles. In a colony compromised of dirt, cliffs and caves a young lad name of Tommy (Luca Venantini of Classe di ferro, Touch and Die, Poor But Beautiful, The Cave of the Golden Rose 5 and Primetime Murder) awaits his father for a new batch of water only he is a few days late...

Wheeeeee!!!!!!

With hydroponics, mushrooms and a few odds and ends, they are making due but they need fresh water and the means to transport it. I noticed cars over 1000 years apparently stopped manufactory after 1983, I saw a Chrysler E-Class zipping around. The biggest obstacle to the colony's survival, Crazy Bull (Fernando Bilbao of Apocalypse Joe, Black Beauty, Antony and Cleopatra, Dracula, Prisoner of Frankenstein, The Erotic Rites of Frankenstein. Fasthand and A Virgin Among the Living Dead) and his murderous, marauding moppets of mayhem or as he is fond of saying. Mother grabbers. Yup mother grabbers. I guess foul language was a no-no or they wanted less of that.   A common term for their killer cars are called Exterminators. Catchy, right.

The mother grabbers snag the colonist caravan is scooped up and slapped about being asked where the water is and refuse when put to the knives and die in silence. Tommy worms his way on foot, links up with Alien pinned in a mangled mobile. Tommy finds use in Alien as they must keep the water spring a secret but you get the general vibe that Alien can be trusted as far as you or I could throw an elephant. Further down the stretch they encounter Trash (Alicia Moro of Pulsebeat, Dear Nanny, Slugs, Dark Mission: Evil Flowers, Edge of the Axe, Velvet Dreams, Hot Blood and Golden Balls) and not be confused with Trash of Bronx Warriors and Escape from the Bronx. Here's a hint. Bewbs. Trash allies with tedious twosome and introduces the lads to Papillion and he will spout pearls of wisdom and...hey. That's Pag from Yor, the Hunter from the Future! Good! I felt this film would need a lot of hemp before they're through. Through the awesome power of Edward Mannix's voice, Papillon begins to tell them of days of high adventure!   Cue the Conan the Destroyer soundtrack!!!  He claims to be an astronaut who  now collects junk, refurbishes it and is a decent mechanic and tech savvy but babbles way too much about the Earth when it was green.  Could be an immortal git but I cannot say for certain.

Humungus' Road Rally of Death!!!

It is a race to the water as Crazy Bull tries his level best at being Immortal Joe or Lord Humungus but he just ends up reminding me of Vernon Wells' Wez from The Road Warrior. No planning really just reaction.   Effects are fair.  Just wanted a bit more battered land vehicles OF THE FUTURE to go with the laser guns, maybe a scale model flying ship they could call a dragon or sky god. The car stunts are impressive and I hope there were some decent roll cages or they just fast edit cut to an empty car as they did in a few shots. Alien is...well he is definitely a jerk but dammit he's our jerk.

So yeah if you need your Road Warrior fix and don't want to remember lines as complicated as: "I'm just here for the gasoline." "Be still my dog of war. I understand your. We've all lost someone we love. But we do it my way!" and of course, "Greetings from the Humungus! The Lord Humungus! The Warrior of the Wasteland! The Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla!" Yup, I guess Thunderdome and Fury Road are the only quotable flicks in the Mad Max quadrilogy.  Unlike some of these knock-offs this had a good cast, decent story progression but it does lull a bit in the second act. Of course that is the pacing they learned how to build up suspense. Violent is brutal but not much by today's standards and sorry pervs, no rape scenes. I'm so sorry. So so sorry.

Still know where the best hemp is.

Anime Absurdity: Lupin the IIIrd: Jigen's Gravestone

Howdy folks, so Tuesday was evil brain issues, yesterday I had to grab a nerve block shot and host my first visited podcast for Rotten Ramblin' On. That is getting processed right now so hopefully the director Dustin Ferguson and his friends, family and co-workers have a good time with it. That being said, back to the anime. Today's flick we follow the legendary thief Lupin the third, with Jigen getting into typical mischief as they are out for treasure, the Little Comet. This is Lupin the 3^rd: Jigen's Gravestone.

Those pesky Mormons will follow you anywhere.

Partnered up for the latest gig, Lupin and Jigen are catching up after Fujiko Mine, Jigen has just left a bodyguard engagement where the queen of fictional land of West Doroa, was killed by a sniper that has a gravestone issued for each of his victims before he kills them. Lupin and Jigen give chase for this assassin they discovered is Yael Okuzaki has left a headstone for Jigen. The clock is tickling, our assassin is hot on their trail taking his time and playing with his opponent for the simple fact he really gets a challenge let alone a fellow professional to combat with. He also lets fate decide how many bullets he will use rolling a six-sided die to determine how many shots will be needed.

This film has kind of a different from the typical heist film, we have some great shootouts, an excellent car chase and well a sort of slip and slide and downright filthy dance and BDSM number with Fujiko with some sort of bot, lubricants and metallic tentacles. Yeah folks, this is definitely NOT for the kiddies. Pops or Inspector Zenigata does not get a huge part in the particular film and that irked me so.

Fujiko remembers she is wearing more clothes than her contract allows.

Shockingly enough Fujiko is at the very castle after Little Comet and the dirt on East Doroa's effects in social, political and economic offering info in kick backs, pay offs and all sorts of incrimination but...Fujiko gets abducted several men in elaborate masks that drop her in with said robot for whatever warped hentai scenario was on the rise. Now why Goemon is not around for this outing is being me. Guess the swordmaster had other things to do this time.

Can Lupin save his friends, get the try and find out who hired Okuzaki thus putting a stop to him? It's a pretty tall order but hey, it's Lupin.

The story's overall vibe follows the Monkey Punch traits of perversion on Lupin's behalf, some light comedy interspersed with drama, some action and good times to be had.

As a fan of the franchise, I took away that this was more geared towards adults and really allows for future takes and continuation. It's got a decent story, the action is packed and a good steady pace for the film. Our Japanese and English voice cast know what they're doing giving each signature character the nearest equivalent of that of the series has been. Not a bad flick so dig up Jigen's Gravestone when you have the chance.

Seems quiet enough.

Henry Rollins: Up for It

Welcome back my gregarious readers. I know that in your hearts you want even more Henry Rollins information. Okay, if you didn't want to know, skip this article. 

From 1979 to 1980, Henry was working as a roadie for Teen Idles and Bad Brains (two D.C. Based Punk bands back when Lincoln was in office) and wrote several songs for State of Alert as front man and lead vocalist only to disband after 3 dozen concerts only to line up his give with Black Flag. With that all in mind, how about a journey through Rollins' frontal lobes? Sounds terrifying? Well buckle up boneheads, cuz we're going for a ride. This is Henry Rollins: Up for It.

Yes he does work out.

In 2001, at the end of a three month tour, it was decided Rollins would bring his brand of humor, worldly experience and bizarre road stories to his crowd of London where he informs people of his trips to Australia, how Aussies fear next to nothing around the planet never worried about Nature's wrath. Favorite story is him reading about a Canadian man mashing his wang with a toilet seat in a Starbucks...for whatever reason that guy did that. I cannot wrap my head around why any man needs that level of pain, what possessed him to even try that and how hung was he. Sorry brain went to the dark side for a moment.

America's myopic view on the rest of the planet does cloud your mindset. Experiencing travel against customs and cultures allowing to appreciate the difference in morality and what is accepted. While in Bangkok, Rollins is being harassed at 1 in the morning on the mission for nothing more than mineral water, Rollins is accosted by cabbies offering underage girls for his distinct tastes, pleasures and perversion. Back of my head, says to me, "Oh you confused me for Adam Ant," but that's me. Our boy wonder attempts to fend them off with a few polite comments and gracefully decline offers of far too young naked flesh thus confusing said cabbies. After claiming the prize of refreshing water, he is once again offered a varied pitch of making their way around the zoo and afterwords getting some tail so you can't win either way on being considerate to others' feelings all the time. That in mind, do not flog the scumbag with a tire iron even if you could fully justify it. No Thai Lovehouse for Henry. Awww...

Yes Sky God?

His audition for Death for Smoochy could not come at a more awkward time. His agent insists he takes Danny Devito seriously and this could make or break his acting career. He is cutting an album with his band and being gone away from that would seriously compromise his album release. Should he turn it down or should he be loud, proud and insane? With a bold move of overacting he could set a bar so high and I am in favor of Henry Smash!!!

How to end hatred to the likes Ku Klux Klan? You need 3,000 men that embodies three ideals or concepts too vast for the Klan. Gay men, Jewish and blacks...you have created the Klan Chaos Disruption Team! Maybe showing up in a myriad of colored robes and hoods playing Jazz or some Blues as they march.

For 96 minutes of bounding around the stage, venting his spleen and speaking of whacking one's wang in the toilet, you can see the hamster in his wheel going bonkers. Will it bring you mirth? Is it insightful? Can you stand my ridiculous questions?

I did enjoy his seething hatred of Djs. 

Is it so difficult to understand??!!!