Horrortales.666 Part 2

 Hey there, Readers of the Rotten! I was requested by producer/writer/actor/director Phil Herman (Hell on Earth II: The Arena of Death, Burglar from Hell, Tales for the Midnight Hour, HorrorTales.666, Into the Woods,Sickened and Morbid Stories) with C Word Productions (Lycanimator, Slimoids, Ouija Mummy and Hey Alice) along with production of cult and B movies, The Sleaze Box (Amerikan Holokaust, Cannibal Claus, Chaso A.D., Death-Scort Service, and Earth Girls Are Sleazy) to give today's movie a gander.

This would be an indie horror anthology. I know that sounds so unusual on my blog he said sarcastically, but I am more than willing to give it an objective view.  All kidding aside, our story starts with a burglar breaking into the wrong house with the promise of Hell or journey through dark tales. This is HorrorTales.666 Part 2.

 

Do farts have lumps?

 

 

 

 

 

Our movie opens with a dedication to the late, great Scream Queen Julie Strain (136 films) who passed away in January this year and graced the original film with her role. Our credits with a speed metal number unveiling what is to come but offers no insight to what the film is going to be about. I like that as it gives some suspense, instead of those indie films that use footage of the movie and basically give you a barrage of spoilers you didn't ask for and ruins the overall vibe of the film. A quick text side scroll tells us the burglar is back from the previous film, giving a highlight of what occurred last time.

18 years prior, a burglar (Joel D. Wynkoop of Wicked Games, Creep, Addicted to Murder: Tainted Blood, Scary Tales, Evil Tales 3: The Final Chapter, HorrorTales.666, Before I Die, Joel D. Wynkoop's the Bite and Always Midnight) snuck into a house, found a computer loaded for taboo stories of darkness and he couldn't look away, reading one after the other. That's how he got pinched the first time. . 18 years later, that same burglar broke into yet another house with more disturbing stories for his reading pleasure. The nagging wife is driving him crackers about getting a job. Yeah because viable work is always available to ex-cons. There's...convenience store clerk after midnight, um...collecting recycling as early as 5 a.m. , maybe mopper at the nudey booths. Okay petty thievery may be his best option. 

 

Heckraiser.

 

 

 

 

 

 

However, this time an actual threat appears in the form of a deranged voice and then he manifests into...well either a rocker or possibly an evil hippie devil. (director/writer/producer/actor Jaysen Buterin of Monster X, Strange Events 2, Kill Giggles, Doctor Who: The Ginger Chronicles, Bombshell Bloodbath, Fix It in Post and Hellarious) Our devil taunts him, giving him the choice. Creepy as hell stories or the eternal agony of Hell itself. With as many options as a fish and chip shop, our burglar sits down for another round of terror induced tales.

Our first story is Open House. No doubt a happy couple trying to get a home of their own and something goes awry. Yes, yes I know. Jake, don't be so pessimistic. An absolute doll of a girl is busying herself with some arts and crafts...while two bodies are laying slump and had plastic bags used on them. Yes, I think we should question the little girl too but I am not sure if she didn't have anything to do with it.   In walks a shrouded killer who merely glances at the little girl and walks out. Yup she'll be fine.  A few inexpiable homicides, serious psychotherapy, eh she'll bounce right back.

Well, don't eat Taco Bell.

 

 

 

 

 Sue (Noellie Burger of Matthew and Ophelia's Wonderful World of Fun, Social Distance, Massacre Academy and 13 Fanboy)the new realtor has been tasked to get that property looking swanky and available for those new potential owners. I wonder if her firm does full disclosure. "Yes the kitchen is roomy, great countertops and we had a double homicide here ages ago." Beth and co-worker Kate start to prep a collective of pranks that could end badly for all.

Next story is The Last Farewell of Mr. Perez is a tale of Mr. Perez's final days on Earth. Ordinary I would expect an expensive bottle of hooch and a myriad of "Woe is me" when Perez has a true epiphany. An eye-opening experience, to know what his true purpose in life has always been. With the minuscule budget our film has, the effects are pretty impressive for this movie. While it feels more science fiction in appearance plot-wise, it's still a solid story.

As we move on to the next story, we gaze into the cheating heart of Mrs. Claus via Slay Ride. Yes Mrs. Claus is getting holly and jolly with one of Santa's little helpers. She's claiming his candy cane for the season. Unfortunately for these merry and bright, Santa is all too aware of this breaking and entering and seizes the opportunity to put them on the naughty list. Santa enjoys a wank before his murderous rage. Yup, you guessed it, there's titty. I know some of you were waiting to ask that. The gore gags could have been better but it covers it well enough.

Onto The Present with Larry (Kirk Sardonis of Drifter, Horrortales.666 Part 2 and Things 666) heading to his cellar to find his wife Julia (Roxxy Mountains of Drifter, Dark Zone Thirteen, Things 5, Horrortales.666 Part 2 and Things 666) and boy we wasted no time at all, right to the sex and the ultra ultra violence. Yes lady readers, there be even more titty. Yippey.

The last story, My Life this weird meta story line drags Dustin Hubbard and Phil Herman attempting to get work done on Horrortales.666 Part 2. Everyone under the sun and maybe a bit of Troma status is hounding the two for parts in the flick. 

 

Familiar faces like Shawn C.Phillips (MILFs vs Zombies, Director's Cut, Camp Blood 4, Camp Blood 5, Grindsploitation, The Killer Robots! Crash and Burn, Allusion , Bloody Island and Witchcraft 16: Hollywood Coven), Ari Lehman (Friday the 13^th, Night on Has Been Mountain, The Girl, House of Forbidden Secrets, Easter Sunday and Cheerleader Camp: To the Death), Debbie Rochon (Vampire's Kiss, Banned, Black Easter, Broadcast Bombshells, Santa Claws, Red Lips II, The Vampire's Seduction, In the Hood and Rage of the Werewolf) and Debbie D (Sorority Slaughter 2, Legal Entrapment, Play Dead, Destiny: Vampire Mermaid, Tales for the Midnight Hour, The Go-Go Girl Strangler!, Hayride Slaughter, Abducted! And Hayride Slaughter II).

With this film tallying out to an hour and 55 minutes, it does provide plenty eerie and morbid creativity. This shows clever directors giving it their all with a limited budget, proving they can compete with big budget horror having to push the envelope with more imagination. The variety of the films gives credence to an anthology. 

 

Hey kids! It's Debbie Rochon!

 

Gunpowder Milkshake

 How do, readers of the rotten. After last write up with Italian Post-Apocalyptic goofiness, I thought I would see what is on Netflix. Yes, thankfully the films made with Netflix seem to survive. Can't say the same for Marvel cable series but what do I know? No I thought we'd see what bonny lass Karen Gillan (The Kevin Bishop Show, Dr. Who, The Well, Guardians of the Galaxy, Oculus, Selfie, 7 Days in Hell, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, Avengers: Infinity War, Avengers: Endgame and Jumanji: The Next Level), a young actress that has seen no less than three predominant characters (Amy Pond of Dr. Who, Ruby of Jumanji and Nebula of Guardians of the Galaxy) that are in cosplay demand, she with a substantial cast stars in an action-packed, fist fighting and gun play film. This is Gunpowder Milkshake. 

 

Hands at ten and two.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With an elite status of a professional assassin, Scarlet (Lena Headey of 300, The Red Baron, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Risen, Dredd, The Purge, The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones, Trollhunters: Tales of Arcadia, Game of Thrones and Masters of the Universe: Revelations) was catching all kinds of heat, had to leave her child Sam in the care of others while she went off-grid. Oh c'mon Scarlet, you managed to care for John Connor during cyborg madness.

Our movie opens credits with a near Bond orchestral soundtrack that is haunting and invigorating to the mind. I know I am in for some gratuitous ultra, ultra violence. Already this movie gives of a vibe of Alan Ladd's This Gun for Hire, or maybe I am just nostalgic for film noir. Karen is wearing a trench coat and fedora giving steely eyes, so yeah maybe that's why it is clicking.  Her hovel of an apartment is near Spartan level of clean and free of real creature comforts, so our hitwoman doesn't draw attention to herself. Hell bet the neighbors think she's either a workaholic, closet lesbian or a moody artist. Neighbors are always nosy. Like her mother, Sam is also working for the enigmatic organization, "The Firm". Not starring Tom Cruise. Hehe. 

 

BANZAIIII!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Now before we go any further, I want to talk about the whining man babies commenting all over this film. Most of them are pissed that a predominant number of women are in kick ass roles, tackling the same ridiculous odds similar to a male protagonist in a cheese-ball 80s action movie.

Their insipid point? But they can't do that. They're girls! Yeah that is the crux of their argument.

In their tiny brained mindset, women can be the mothers, the sisters, the prostitutes, final girls in slasher flicks and the femme fatales buuuuut, they cannot be cops, firefighters or a bad ass cadre of assassins. I'd flog these morons but who has the time.

A good, old-fashioned vanilla milkshake with an extra scoop is in order since Sam was a little girl waiting for Scarlet to come back from yet another job. Guess it is hard being a single mom that gacks people. A flashback interaction with mom as adult Sam relaxes after whacking that many wise guys. Nathan (Paul Giamatti of Ripper, Donnie Brasco, Private Parts, Saving Private Ryan, The Amazing Screw-On Head, Barney's Version, John Dies in the End and Rock of Ages) has been watching over Sam since she was a young girl has to be Sam's handler for contracts. With the last job looking like the final scene in Resevoir Dogs, Sam's skill set is needed. Someone stole from The Firm and the boys in charge are none too happy. But wait! It gets worse! 

 

They serve pie here at all?

 

 

 

 

 

 

The 15 or so scumbags that attempted to ventilate Sam, one of them was son to mover and shaker kingpin, Jim McAlester (Ralph Ineson of The Selfish Giant, Vera, Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag, Ambassadors, Inspector George Gently, New Worlds, Kingsman: Secret Service, The Witch, Bluestone 42 and The Huntsman: Winter's War). Yet another mob kid trying to show Dad he can move up in the organization on his own, gets popped like a champagne cork and now Dear ole Da wants blood. Whoopsie!

Not sure about the whole trench coat look, honey.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Opening an active library account with former surrogate mothers like accounts Anna May (Angela Basset of Strange Days, Vampire in Brooklyn, Contact, Supernova, The Rosa Parks Story, Alias, Nothing But the Truth, ER,This Means War, Black Panther and 9-1-1), records Florence (Michelle Yeoh of Super Cop, Super Cop 2, Yes,Ma'am, Silver Hawk, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Tomorrow Never Dies, Star Trek: Discovery and Shang Chi: Legend of the Ten Rings) head librarian and quartermaster (Carla Guinano of Watchmen, Race to Witch Mountain, Women in Trouble, The Might Macs, Elektra Luxx, Sucker Punch, Man of Steel, San Andreas, Bling and Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice) is a stickler for rules. Again, with that much firepower at her fingertips, DO NOT piss off the quartermaster...or be loud in the library. It's rude.

With clean weapons, Sam is back in action and makes her way to the hit. Problem is our thief boosted bearer bonds for four screw-ups in Hollywood Horror masks, the Universal monsters to be exact because they have his 8 year old daughter, Emily (Chloe Coleman of Glee, Angels and Demons, Transparent, Puppy Star Christmas, Big Little Lies, My Spy, The Resident, Kinderwood and Gunpowder Milkshake). The Firm is less than happy with Sam and are leaving her to Jim McAlester and his murderous, malefic moppets. Nathan provides Sam with a leg up and maybe she'll see another day. Emily is just going with the flow, considering she just saw three guys whacked and is on the move with Sam. It's almost like Sam knows what it is to be in Emily's shoes and now her own mother's as well.

Writer/director Navot Papushado (Rabies, Big Bad Wolves, ABCs of Death 2, and Once Upon a Time in Palestine) sets a tone about duty, obligation, family and honor in his gunsmoke fueled, dysfunctional family platform.

FYI, a minor spoiler for you all as Sam went completely Buffy on the thug in the Dracula mask; staking him with a broken mop handle through the heart. Yes I laughed profusely. Serious I do not understand the hate for this flick. We have gorgeous women whooping ass, getting into gun fights, fist fights and martial arts galore. Do I feel this is the female Expendables? Not one bit. Yes they also are hired killers but they have a near family dynamic, while The Expendables just felt like beer buddies with guns. Again nothing wrong with either film, but don't compare the two. Aside from a significant casting, they are nothing alike. The chemistry between Gillan and Headey does feel like a mother/daughter relationship...well except all the bodies they dropped. That could be a weird tradition.

Good cast, awesome effects and decent dialogue exchange. Solid story done with many a hitman that rediscovers his humanity, then fights against the very institution he swore an oath to; so why can't it be said for a woman as well? So yeah I would recommend this film.

 

She's got Karen Gillan Eyeeeessss....

 

Endgame

 Howdy boys and girls! Well September is here...Um less heat? With that in mind I felt a need. For Speed? Nah I have a need for some post-apocalyptic goofiness from Italy. Yes when you need a bizarre and over the top post-apocalypse, you go to Italy every time. A mutant needs the aid of a TV game show Gladiator (Nitro?) to help lead her band of mutants to a safe harbor. This is Endgame. 

 

Post-apocalyptic power couple..

 

 

 

 

 

Brought to us by exploitation and mock-buster director Joe D' Amato (Anthroopophagus, Erotic Nights of the Living Dead, Porno Holocaust, Absurd a.k.a. Zombi 8, Ator, the Fighting Eagle, Cave Dwellers, 2020 Texas Gladiators and Zombie 5: Killing Birds) and served with a smile, we catch up with the world post World War III. Um is that the Star Trek Eugenics Wars? The Apes taking over the planet? Man, this alternative futures are hard to keep track of.

Opening credits sequence just sounds like someone bored and noodling around with Casio keyboard. Sorry but first gripe kicked in already. Lot of mushroom cloud footage to signify the end of days. The year is 2025 (saaaay, that's not too far away) and humanity has been bombarded with nuclear radiation, the towns and cities are wastelands and some semblance of order has been established. The big source of entertainment are the gladiators (cue Running Man theme), as they slaughter one another for the spectators' viewing pleasure. So, reality TV just got a bit darker. Endgame was founded in 2012 (don't remember that but I don't follow much TV) and the zones change as they have participants around the world. A simple televised Hunter vs Prey and the clock is running for 12 hours, so our athletes better not have skipped cardio or leg day.

 

Umbrella Company's Hunks?!

 

 

 

 

 

Moving on, the rat population haven't been altered other than feeding on human cadavers, these may be the same rats from Bruno Mattei's Rats: Night of Terror. They do get best Italian knock-off top-billing. A gaggle of storm troopers (A passel? A herd? A scourge?) in decked out in black gas masks, helmets and a leather ensemble that was faaaabulous!! Of course those German MP40 made by Steyr Arms might keep most folk at bay.

FUN FACT! MP38s were some of the first German sub-machine guns during WWII and yet somehow their successors survived WWIII??? Yeah I am just as baffled as you are now, folks. They're searching the catacombs and burnt building for telepaths and other such mutants...so they can kill them. Probably because they're the baddies. Still they are fabulously dressed in spite of their gauche behavior. Love they have this weird hybrid of a gig-counter and Ghostbusters EKG. Oh no, Xavier gave them a portable Cerebro!!! SELLOUT!!

 

Butch fella, ain't he?

 

 

 

 

 

Resident Wasteland Champion of Endgame...Ron Shannon (Al Cliver of Black Emmanuelle, White Emmanuelle,Zombi 2, Rulers of the City, Apache Woman, Blazing Flowers, Devil Hunter, The Black Cat, 2020 Texas Gladiators, Touch of Death and The New Gladiators). Yeah I gotta pause right there. Savior of the future mutants is named...Ron. Lacks the gravitas of Professor Xavier. Well he is the best at what he does and what he does ain't pretty. (Where have I read that? Oh well.) Shannon and "Ninja" (Hal Yamanouchi of The Humanoid, Gardenia, I'm Photogenic, The Last Hunter, Hearts and Armour, Sing Sing, Endgame The Lone Runner and Under the Chinese Restaurant) a fellow gladiator have been recruited by Lilith (the forever gorgeous Laura Gemser of Black Emanuelle, Emanuelle in Bangkok, Black Cobra Woman, Voyage of the Damned, Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals, Sister Emanuelle and Emanuelle and the White Slave Trade) to assist her and a gathering of mutants to a safe place free of the cruelty of humanity.

Good luck avoiding all of humanity! Granted the population has gone down due to nuclear holocaust, you're still going to need trade, commerce, bartering and farming. Not to mention if the radiation effected insect life like in Damnation Alley, yer gettin' giant bugs! 

 Lilith pleads for Shannon's help for not just her sake or the mutants, but maybe to give Shannon something other than blood rending slaughter. Peace of mind perhaps.

A few notes of interest, officially sponsoring the Endgame is Life/Plus. Increases muscle fibers and sexual prowess. Yup ,Boner Biscuits. Sorry if I spoiled that for you but when we have been subjected to 25 years of boner pills and aphrodisaics as a paid for advertisements, it didn't seem that off putting. Plus Yosamite Sam has something else to scream when things go awry. Aw, boner biscuits!

Wanting Shannon's head on a pig pole for the world to see is Kurt Karnak (Writer/actor George Eastman of Django Shoots First, The Cobra, Django Kills Softly, Baba Yaga, Anthropophagus, Porno Holocaust, 1990: The Bronx Warriors, Absurd, 2019: After the Fall of New York, Hands of Steel, Blastfighter and The Barbarians), a dude who I am convinced between his Kenny Loggins' good looks and the snarling drool foaming on his face, homie may O.D. On Life/Plus Boner Biscuits. It is hard for me to take the hunters serious when their war paint looks like Bowie's glam rock era or the Kiss Army of the Apocalypse, "Oh Hell, Tim. Let's run! Ziggy Stardust is back on our trail!" A sentence uttered by no man...ever.

As Shannon is listed as prey this game, he is doing everything to sway the hunters. False trails, hidden traps and straight-up ambush attacks. While the general populous is glued to Not Deathrace 2000, the government is meeting secretly to plot and exterminate (EXTERMINATE!!!) the mutant community buuut no big, hulking sentinels. Just the previous kill squads in their fabulous leather numbers. Also according to these heads of...state or county, the community viewing the show is no more than 5 million people. Um, aren't there close to 7 billion living on this planet right now?!!

Math is not my strong suit but that would mean more than 1 billion, 1 hundred thousand were wiped out in the initial bombing alone. Add nuclear winter, starvation, inadequate irrigation, no healthcare and less food means almost 3 billion starved or killed one another.

Back to the film, Lilith and Shannon start trying to come to terms with each of their life choices, and while Lilith is by far the more noble of the two, we are seeing Shannon finally believe in something other than himself. The karate chop of death Shannon keeps using was cracking me up. I guess they were going for Dim Mak or Touch of Death if you prefer. The facial expressions the guys chose though. Yeesh. One guy looked like he climaxed...IN HIS PANTS!!! Shannon puts together a team of mercs with promise of two pounds of gold as payment if they can help transport the mutants 200 miles in the badlands.

Yes lady readers, there's a rape scene in Act 2 buuut it isn't a ton of nudity. The dialogue used was pretty foolish but again I always feel I have to warn readers of such if you feel the need to watch the movie in question.

With a Joe D' Amato film, expect over the top dialogue delivery, fight and gun fight scenes (the exception being the Sci-Fi Fantasy films), a handful of sexual content (See what I did there?) and story about the human condition.

Is this a brilliant movie? No. Is it a bad movie? Not really. Feels more like a lazy Saturday flick for the fellas and maybe some violence enthusiastic ladies. Overall, the film keeps to the Post-Apocalypse route of the end of civilization, humanity rearing its head back into the world full of devastation and how they overcome those desperate odds. 

 

Okay, I think the writer is giving us crap.