Yes, Madam!

 Hey all! Welcome to my madness that is the blog, my readers of the rotten.  So sue me, I was feeling poetic and squirrelly.  Today we are doing a Hong Kong action flick because I haven't done one in a while.  That alone is enough for me.   So into the TARDIS for the far back time of 1985, launching not one, but two martial arts movie stars and creating "girls with guns" sub-genre.  This is Yes, Madam! a.k.a. Karate Tiger a.k.a. In the Line of Duty: Yes, Madam! a.k.a. Super Cops a.k.a. In the Line of Duty 2 a.k.a. Police Assassins a.k.a. Police Assassins II

A double ass-whooping is waitin' for yooooou...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, thanks to foreign production, reproduction and re-distribution we have multiple Also Known As titles. Hardly to be a shock in this blog.

Our story begins with two hapless petty thieves Strepsil (John Sham of Charlie's Bubble, To Hell with the Devil, Winners & Sinners, Mad Mission 3: Our Man from Bond Street, The Return of Pom Pom, Double Trouble, Curry and Pepper and Double Impact) and Aspirin (Hoi Mang of Za ma, Way of the Black Dragon, The Dragon and the Tiger Kids, Double Trouble, Legacy of Rage, The Gamblin Ghost and Vampire Expert II) that become involved with a murder case due to the items they stole from a murdered fellow. They find a role of microfilm among the dead man's passport and decide to hock it to their fence/forger Panadol (producer/director/writer/actor Hark Tsui of Chasing Girls, Mad Mission, The Winter of 1905, Mad Mission 2: Aces Go Places, All the Wrong Spies, Mad Mission 3: Our Man from Bond Street, Shanghai Blues, Run Tiger, Run, Working Class and I Love Maria).

NERDS!

 

 

 

 

 

 Inspector Ng has to deal with a flasher and have him booked for swinging with Bing. See what I did there? While pervert is being transported away, an armored truck rolls up with some baddies hot on the trail, and we know they're baddies because the incidental music just kicked in. Expect a rumble! FYI, Michelle Yeoh is hot in glasses. A little Gun Fu, Kung Fu and Moo Sho. I was on a roll, sorry. The bad guys are down and Ng went Dirty Harry on these guys in 3 minutes of the flick!

Meanwhile Inspector Ng (Michelle Yeoh of In the Line of Duty, Dynamite Fighters, Supercop, Holy Weapon, Supercop 2, Tomorrow Never Dies, Moonlight Express, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Silver Hawk, Babylon A.D., Kung Fu Panda 2, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 and Star Trek: Discovery) has been assigned to the murder case in response to the infamous Mr. Tin (James Tien of The Big Boss, Fist of Fury, A Man Called Tiger, Attack of the Kung Fu Girls, Thunderbolt, The Seven Coffins, The Hand of Death, Shaolin Plot, Iron Fisted Monk, Immortal Warriors and The Fearless Hyena) and it is speculated the dead man was an accountant working with Scotland Yard moving forward with his investigation. The dead man was Inspector Ng's lover so she definitely has a stake in this. Of course standard police procedure would have been to take her off the case due to her personal nature in the case that would cloud her judgement, but that's just crazy talk!

 

What she said.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Enter Inspector Carrie Norris (Cynthia Rothrock of Rapid Fire, No Witnessess, China O' Brien, China O' Brien II, Martial Law, Fast Getaway, Angel of Fury, Rage and Honor, Honor and Glory, Lady Dragon 2 and Undefeatable) who also has a personal stake in this and takes the law into her own hands. Gee, now we need Ng's boss to swear profusely, throw them off the case and suspend them.

Panadol gets pinched and sings like a canary on the bumbling thieves. Now the race is on to track down these two collective heads of knuckle, get the goods on Mr. Tin and avenge Richard. 

 

So noticed quite a few things. Lifted music from Halloween II, Miami Vice, and Sisters of Mercy songs. The film is subtitled and I could not get it to stop. Sorry if that is annoying in the screenshots. For the Hong Kong action films, this is a first creating the sub-genre "Girls with Guns".   Aside from stolen tunes and the comic relief slowly warping my brain, the ladies whoop ass, take names and give some serious stunt performance. So if you are a fan of either of these martial arts gals, give it a watch.

 

Blonde's packin' a Roscoe, Boss.

 

Little Dead Rotting Hood

Happy Veterans Day!   No I will not be reviewing a war picture, TV series or Video Game depicting war.   It's cliche' and several fans that are veterans got tired of that in 2015, so we are going to an Asylum Pictures instead.  Yes, Asylum Pictures. The folks that brought you Z Nation, Sharknado, Atlantic Rim and more than a few mock busters are have a flick that caught my eye. So monsters roaming in a tiny woodland town and only a family curse can keep these wolves from huffing, puffing and knocking down your door. This is Little Dead Rotting Hood. 

 

Miss Jackson if you're nasty.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An ancient family curse keeps the bad things at bay of the small town of Stillwater Pennsylvania (What looks like Santa Clarita, California) and it takes its toll on them all.  Going to Grandmother's house we go as we meet Marina Sirtis?? (The Return of Sherlock Holmes, Waxwork II: Lost in Time, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Gargoyles, Star Trek: Generations, Star Trek: First Contact, Stargate SG-1, Star Trek: Insurrection, Paradise Lost, Star Trek: Voyager, Terminal Error and Net Games) is Esmeralda Whitfield. A young girl, Samantha (Bianca A.Santos of Ouija, Happyland, The DUFF, Dream Americano, The Fosters, Priceless, Happily Never After and Avenge the Crows) was on her way to Grandmother's house only to be savaged by wolves.  The girl dies from severe blood loss and Grandma Whitfield just buries her in the friggin' woods!  Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!!   Before Sam dies, Grandma tells her she has to protect the people of the town and it is her turn to do such.   THEN FRIGGIN' BURIES HER!!!  All this in the first five minutes of the movie by the way.  YEAH!   Well there's a red hood, a blade, a bloodletting and an oath offered but STILL!!!

 

Gurgle...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 The Sheriff (Eric Balfour of 24, Veritas: The Quest, Six Feet Under, Haven, Dinoshark, Skyline and Agenda: Payback) and Deputy Henry (Patrick Muldoon of Melrose Place, Starship Troopers, Stigmata, Red Team, Blackwoods, Project Viper, Ice Spiders, Christmas Town, Repo, Days of Our Lives and Badge of Honor) found Grandma lifeless and they can't imagine why she committed suicide. I agree.   Picard is a much better series than the critics say.   Samantha's boyfriend, Danny (Lil' Romeo Miller of Honey, All Grown Up, Romeo!, The Pig People, Madea's Witness Protection, How To Rock, The Love Letter, Frat Brothers and Brotherly Love) hasn't heard a thing from her since last night. Sure it's a small town and nothing is every really gone crazy but his Spidey senses start tingling and runs to the Sheriff.

 

 Let's be fair to the Sheriff. The most he has to contend with is probably kids having booze bonfires, screwing on lover's lane and issuing speeding tickets.  A missing person's report could just sound like an overprotective boyfriend but he says he will tell folks to keep an eye out for her and he'll keep Danny in the loop.  In reality, Danny would have to wait 48 hours overall, so yeah better universe for this instance.  

 Danny starts hitting the school, Sam's house and leaving messages on her phone all to nothing. Yeah it is this point you try your level best to not freak out like you really really want to.   Night time looming and Sam digs her way out of her grave, sporting claws and black contact lenses. Well that can't be good.   

 But enough of that, it's party time! Get yer drink on! Yes the typical teenager horror film tropes are at the ready.  We'll have drunken jockos tormenting the nerds, body shots, couples sneaking off to screw their brains out in the woods.   All the classics.   Enough debauchery to raise Jason Voorhees out of his lake of doom and start racking a body count.  Thankfully none of the kids are near Crystal Lake or Forrest Green or whatever it is called now.  Danny is getting hit on at the party while he is still checking his phone to see if Sam called him back.  Trust me, whatever he is drinking is not calming his mood at all.

 

Psst.. kid, you gotta get me out of this flick.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 And before you even hit me up with the messages, yes guys there's some titty.    God, you have no idea how sick I am of that question.  STOP LEAVING THAT MESSAGE!!!   Sorry ladies, it is a query I have to field every other Horror movie.  Upside?  You're probably never gonna have to date these guys. I know that isn't much of a bonus but that's what I had. 

Shockingly enough a wolf is out and about, prowling and gobbling up a teen like McDonald's french fries. Guess someone better call the Sheriff. Crazy part is loud music, fires going and a lot of kids does not make a lone wolf suddenly go apeshit.   Science fact!  They're pack hunters and don't go after people unless they are starving.   Sheriff and Deputy Henry are creeped out, call for State troopers for back up because they know they'll have to do a grid search.  Plus those pesky Sasquatch and Nachzehers are going to make their move next. 

 State trooper Victoria (5-time Emmy Award winner Heather Tom of The Young and the Restless, One Life to Live, Ugly Betty, The Bold and the Beautiful, Lucifer and Animal Among Us) and her partner are backing up the sheriff all the while they are still befuddled why Mrs. Whitfield killed herself. Victoria gives us some exposition talking about Whitfield being a staple of the town, a living legend if you will.   Teens dropping faster than Trump's rating approval and the Sheriff is still thinking it is just a few wolf encounters, so he gathers a search and rescue team of the local yokels.   Yes arm them with guns and let's go into the woods at sundown.  Boy that can't end in bloodshed at all.  Didn't you see Silver Bullet, Sheriff? 

With a spooky intro of Becky Sanders (Amy Argyle of Hard Love, Blood Effects, Adopting Terror, Illegal, Grooming Giselle, Frank & Lola, Moon Creek Cemetery and Parker's Anchor), it is pretty obvious who the Alpha is and what is going on. Or is she?.. She has a little cat and mouse chat with the Sheriff and he can almost get the vibe she's not on the up and up. 

Will Sam be able to fulfill her destiny? Can the town be saved? How many of the folk will be on the buffet? 

 

 

 

With all the negative critics on this flick I would point out what it does have versus what it lacks. Some excellent drone footage over the treetops, a decent story idea about nature against humanity, a solid cast, good direction and editing.   I really don't understand why my fellow critics are tossing this wolf story under the bus.  I guess they were expecting it to have Rick Baker's work like in The Howling or American Werewolf in London. Perhaps they were hoping for it to surpass Dog Soldiers in SFX and gore. 

What we have is a smaller budget that still comprised of extras, animal handlers, POV shots, faux wolf heads for the close-up blocking shots and a heroine to the likes of Buffy.   Actual wolves were used but there were no real rounds fired.   Muzzle flashes and gun shots sounds were all added in post-production.   I have a feeling most of those firearms were Airsoft pellet guns too.  At the end of the day, this is a popcorn flick with a bit of gore, decent one-liners and an interesting story. 

 

Girl, you tryin' to get a brother killed?

 

Bright

So I'm back. Yeah, yeah. I've been gone and missed Halloween movie reviews. So with all the police complaints throughout the cities of this country, I thought I would get a film from the long back when 2017 (yeah my nephew loves that so long ago comment to watch me twitch). A view of the LAPD, magic and meta beings. With copious amounts of car chases, gun fights worthy of a John Woo film and snappy patter, I feel this film is sorely underrated. This is Bright. 

 

What do you mean you didn't like Fresh Prince?!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Through the lens of writer/director David Ayer (U-571 The Fast and the Furious, Training Day, Dark Blue, S.W.A.T., End of Watch, Fury, Suicide Squad and Training Day TV series) shows a world looking like a modern day Middle Earth with Orcs, Elves, Fairies and every other fairy tale creature in between. Imagine exotic elves dominating Malibu, Orcs drinking 40s in South Central and humans of every color and class crammed in this expanded desert city. 

 With a long road to recovery, Officer Daryl Ward (Will Smith of Independence Day, Bad Boys, Men in Black, Wild Wild West, Ali, I, Robot, Shark Tale and I Am Legend) is fit for duty and to get back to the streets.   His partner, an Ork named Nick Jakoby (Joel Edgerton of The Hard Word, The Secret Life of Us,Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones, King Arthur, Kinky Boots, Smokin' Aces, Whisper and Dirt Game) failed to catch Ward's shooter and it has caused some tension between the two. Vowing to start a new day and not getting old hard feelings back, the boys roll into the station, load the shop and back out into town.   Dealing with routine pick ups, cruising the neighborhood, Ward is told by IA (Internal Affairs) they don't trust Jakoby's account of the shootout that landed Ward in the hospital. They want to can him but they can't just open end fire him without huge blow back. Ward agrees to record Jakoby's confession and get IA off his ass.

 

Ugh, I can smell talking monkeys.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Towards the end of shift, the boys roll down to South Central to a possible gunfight. As they investigate a building with a mass amount of dead assailants, our cops run into Tikka (Lucy Fry of Lightning Point, Reef Doctors, Mako Mermaids, Vampire Academy, Now Add Honey, Mr. Church, Wolf Creek, The Darkness and She's Missing) a young elf girl running scared with a terrifying weapon, a magic wand. With an explosion and a substantial gun fight, the Barrio hoods heard about the wand and now the crap storm is moving into an tsunami. 

 Subplot 2 indicates The FBI's Magic Division are trailing a wand user. She's a renegade elf name of Leilah (Noomi Rapace of Daisy Diamond, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played with Fire, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest, Millennium, Beyond, Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows and Prometheus). It would appear she and her minions...hmm lackeys? Lick spittles? Yay! Lick spittles! Anyway she and her lick spittles are trying to resurrect a being known as The Dark Lord and bring about an era of darkness the world hasn't seen in 5,000 years. 

 

Please sir, more gruel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Subplot 3 gives us Leilah and her lackeys hot in pursuit after Ward, Jakoby and Tikka to reclaim the wand and go about the ending of the world. With corrupt cops, L.A. Gangbangers, FBI not knowing who is the good guys and renegade elves, Ward and Jakoby are in the soup and brother that soup is scalding. Trying to think, catch their collective breaths and not kill one another; the boys have to protect Tikka and the wand from all this crazy that only L.A.can produce. 

Where to even begin with this flick? The racist and class issues tone is perfect. The ignorance of races and hatred of the haves and have nots holds true to these misconceptions we all have a tendency to cling to. Realizing all the elves are in Malibu makes me wonder how many spray tanned, bleach teethed white folk got tossed out of the neighborhood for "lowering the tone'. Just made me laugh is all. 

 

 

Ward and Jakoby both are openly mocked by their own. As members of minorities, folk that have been brutalized by cops of the generations, it seems obscene that either of these men would be cops in many eyes. This would be the second film both Will Smith and Jay Hernadez was in with David Ayer. The first being Suicide Squad. Yet another underrated film of David Ayer. It's violent, it's graphic and yes fellas; there's a bit of titty in it. Trust me, you will stay in for the story as well. More gun play than a Lethal Weapon flick. Hell the shots look like an homage to John Woo's A Better Tomorrow. 

 Can you let the kids watch it? Well...I'm not a parent but overall it's not that big a deal violence, language and nudity wise but again; I am not a parent. It's ultimately the parents' call. For the parents however, yeah you will get a serious gut laugh in some of these scenes. I own this and it gets slipped into the regular watching. Have a good one and sorry for the hiatus.

 

A malefic, murderous, Maybeline model?