Movies with the word Slaughter in it: Slaughterhouse Rock

Welcome back from the second day of the week. Yeah movies that have the word slaughter in them seems a trifle lame but again NO SUGGESTIONS WERE MADE. Sorry if that was a bit on the nose, I got a couple of messages complaining about yesterday's write-up. I wasn't sure it was because it was blaxploitation or just my idea to watch it. So again the randomness of the week I have an 80's horror film of featuring music by Devo, a gaggle of teens and Alcatraz!?! This is Slaughterhouse Rock a.k.a. Hell Island a.k.a. Alcatraz Horror and Slaughter House.

There is no Alex, only Zuul.

Our story centers around Alex Gardner (Nicholas Celozzi of Pretty Smart, Marked for Death, Carnal Crimes, Hidden Obsession, Campus Hustle, Big Sister 2000 and Deep Cover) a young college student (that seems to be held in a high school) who has vivid dreams or nightmares if you will, experiencing the numerous deaths of victims in Alcatraz. No, no. Not the inmates of decades past, but a vicious killer who dwells in Alcatraz slaughtering at will. His nightmares start effecting the physical plane of existence as his starts sleeping above his covers. Four feet above his covers! He barks, he drools he claws! His friends all share the same rental house and have witnessed this first hand. Thank God he didn't sleep in the nude or wank at night.

And there on the handle, was a hook...

Discussing it with his teacher, Professor Harding (Donna Denton of Nashville, The New Mike Hammer, Death Blow: A Cry for Justice, Glory Years, Slaughterhouse Rock, Gor II and Mike Hammer: Murder Takes All) professor of the occult and supernatural, suggests to head to Alcatraz to face his demons if you will. His brother Richard (Tom Reilly of Paper Dolls, ChiPs, Young Warriors, Kiss and Be Killed, Sworn to Vengeance, Mirror Images II, Valleys of the Dolls and Ice Cream Man) and gang of Marty (Ty Miller of The Young Riders, The X-Files, Without a Trace and U.S. Seals), Krista (Hope Marie Carlton of Hard Ticket to Hawaii, Savage, Bloodmatch, A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Master, Round Numbers and Noctropolis), Jan (Tammy Hyler of Cloak & Dagger, Pretty Smart, Judgement, A Time to Revenge, Back in the Day, Heaven Bound and I'm Not Ashamed) and Jack (Steven Brian Smith of Moonlighting and Slaughterhouse Rock) all decide to help Alex confront this problem head on and boat out to Alcatraz... cause you do that.

Pumpkinhead: Man on the Town.

A friendly and foxy ghost Sammy (Toni Basil of Myra Breckinridge, Five Easy Pieces, The Last Movie, Greaser's Palace, Mother, Jugs & Speed, Angel III: The Final Chapter, Rockula and Eating) formerly a pop rock star of the band Bodybag, tries to give Alex advice to stop this evil residing in Alcatraz and save his friends, maybe bring herself some peace as well.

No sooner does the Scooby gang make their way to land, Richard gets possessed by a cannibalistic demon trying to attack his buddies and brother alike. Can anything be done to save Richard? Will Alex continue to be haunted??

The use of Alcatraz makes sense as the general theme giving us dark dreams, demonic possession, astral projection and ghosts roaming about. Ladies be warned there is an attempted rape. Yeah, that was clearly needed he said with great gobs of sarcasm. This film loaded with some decent practical effects, good lighting, a fair degree of fog machines going on full tilt, the atmosphere is creepy but the lack of enough characters cuts down on the potential for eerie effects. This film has a solid, fast pace giving a flick with horror elements rather than the typical 80s exposition, drawn out slasher film.

Director Dimitri Logothetis (Pretty Smart, The Closer, Body Shot, Hungry for You, Cheyenne, Dark Realm, The Lost Angel and Wings of the Dragon) had a good crew, a decent cast and good direction overall. Not too shabby.

Not even my 80s hair to stop all this weirdness.

Sequels Rebound!

Hello my readers and welcome back to the week. Now this time around I thought I would look at some forgotten sequels of the Horror genre.  Yes I know I did this same cop out almost a year ago but I have found some real stinkers that need to be addressed, mocked and avoided like a cabbage fart in a hatchback car doing 90 mph. Bet that is a visual you never expected to have...or if you are a fan of this blog you were probably wondering when I was going to get that graphic again.

CRAIGSLIST, YOU LIED TO ME AGAIN!!!!

With this in mind I am referring to direct-to-video B-Horror movies that while their predecessor may have gotten some screen time in the theaters, these releases were a huge crock of crap. So I will take my precious time and view these stink nuggets for you, give you my take on them and make like the wizened old man archetype Crazy Ralph and warn you of death curses, haunted houses and books bound in human flesh to avoid. Not sure if I have flannel plaid shirts and a pork pie hat but I will look around, zip around my ten speed that I don't have and announce evils in a cryptic fashion that will only help you minutes before your movie on-screen death. Keen? Well the ax or machete will be.

So again join me for unnecessary sequels and let's see if any of them are remotely entertaining or not.

How to not get head.

Linnea Quigley Week: Don't Go Near the Park

Howdy doodly doo to Day 1 of Linnea Quigley Week. As she has had 35 years of the B movie racket it is only fair we start her off with a feature she just got a quick cast into the role. Today's movie has dark content, an actual clever story, some gore and even a dash of human emotion, yet still regarded as a B-movie but also a cult classic. How could it both you ask? Seriously you are asking me that? This.. this kind of thing happens quite frequently.

Due to its graphic (though hardly realistic) violence depicted it hails from Great Britian's Video Nasty ban list. This is Don't Go Near the Park a.k.a. Curse of the Living Dead, Nightstalker, Sanctuary of Evil and Don't Go in the Woods... Alone!

Seizure cam!!

Our film opens with terrifying xylophone soundtrack and a handwritten text crawl informing us that many millennia ago, people found the secret to eternal youth by combining a mixture of herbs and plants, a ritual and then devouring human flesh would allow the cannibals to rejuvenate their own bodies by siphoning the youth of their victims. Mary Kay wish they had this formula and packaged in a disturbing pink organs box set.

The plot seems a bit jumbled but as your faithful researcher and writer I shall do my level best to make all become clear. Two cannibals Gar (Crackers Phinn a.k.a. Robert Cribbin of S.W.A.T. , Hitch Hike to Hell, Teen Lust and Dallas) and Tra (Barbara Monker a.k.a. Barbara Bain of Richard Diamond, Private Detective, Mission:Impossible, Savage, Space:1999, Alien Attack and Forget Me Not) from a tribe of cannibals have angered a witch who cursed them with eternal life. However, when hitting at the 12,000 year mark they must find a virgin descended from the tribe and sacrifice her to lift the curse. Their mom is a bit cranky. So to retain their youth throughout the centuries they must consume human organs to replenish the spent years and in the long term they are solving overpopulation and just saying no to botox.

Man, the Mormons are getting pushy.

Finding a suitable mate for such takes time, careful study or just a random bump into the first blonde you see. Enter Linnea Quigley (Summer Camp, Graduation Day, Silent Night, Deadly Night, Return of the Living Dead, Creepozoids, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers and Witchtrap) billed as Bondi's Mother. Third billing in a movie neither Barbara Bain or Robert Cribbin wanted to admit they were in. Using his dark Sith mind powers he just impregnates Bondi's Mother against her will and re-writes her memories as it was her idea and a great one at that. Shotgun wedding and labor just flies by to the birth and moving on to the great ritual. Is Bondi's Mother even needed any more? What of the child? Why was Barbara Bain in this stink nugget?

Just a few comments on our celluloid of crap.

Filming at location of Griffith Park in the Bronson Caves (AGAIN!!!) our huge stretch of land is spliced with a few rural areas to give the cannibals cover for all their dastardly deeds of damnation. The FX on a shoe string budget provided white flesh foam rubber painted but not molded with a heat gun that apparently these cannibals have the strength of 10 men as they tear open flesh with their bare fingers and the organs are clearly animal. My guess would be pig or lamb for the size basis.

Anyone that disagrees or confronts them may succumb to their Cannibal Optic Blast!!! Yeah I am not even making that up. Primate Cyclops offensive skills. X-Cro-magnons unite!! Little protruding fore-headed guy in a stone and stick wheelchair leading them about on adventures through time and space. Can't wait to see primate Wolverine and Nightcrawler next. Well folks, if you haven't gathered it by now I needed my Czech Republic gas mask to finish this turkey.

Likes my steaks really rare.

Linnea Quigley Week

Welcome and hello to the week. I would like to apologize for George A. Romero Week cut short by two movies. I had some sort of flu bug and well it was difficult to stay at the computer due to it and we shall leave it at that. This week I am cooking with gas and all is well so I do not anticipate any hiccups on the horizon.

Ow, you are on my toe.

This week is devoted to horror films of various degree and grade. Yes, we could have some foul odor that may never go away and perhaps some forgotten gems of the genre. Anything is possible in this write-up. I could be accosted by naked clowns wielding crossbows in the next couple of minutes, for example but again highly unlikely. This week focuses on an unusual career path that stuck within the Horror and Sci-fi dopples of film and never moved on.

Our subject has been called the Mama of the Macbre, the Harlot of the Horror Cons and America's Scream Queen. Interviewed for the book "Invasion of the B-Girls" by Jewel Shepard, our 5'2" titan of terror has been a good girl, bad girl, tart, bad ass and victim of circumstance and ranked #9 on Maxim's "Hottest Women of Horror Movies". She adheres to a strict vegan diet, does animal rights charities our lady of the week has written two books about her life in the B-movie industry, "Bio & Chainsaw" and "I'm Screaming as Fast as I Can". I speak of Linnea Quigley. Chances are, ladies if you are reading this and you are over the age of 30, your man has seen this girl nude more than a few times. It is with the Halloween season in full swing I bring you Linnea Quigley Week.

Enjoy.

Fer sure!

Sid Haig Week: Warlords

Welcome back for Day 3 of Sid Haig Week.  Hey, let's get away from the women in prison subgenre because... well there is so many implied violence on women my stomach can endure.  Yeah, I know I lost the better chuck of the male readers but so be it.  Instead how about a nice slice of post-apocalypse instead?   Where might makes right, governments and police are gone and the weak will be stomped on.   Sounds far more wholesome by comparison.  This is Warlords.

*hic* Line Please!

First off our motion picture is brought to us by Corman protege Fred Olen Ray so expect jiggly girls, nudity, pointless sex scenes and a very low budget.   When a class act director's collection hails from film as: Evil Spawn, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Alienator, Dinosaur Island, Bikini Drive-In and Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfolds, expect panache.    Well I'd rather have five teeth pulled out of my head but let's get this pain started already.    The world has ended according to the stock footage of nuclear testing, scale models with stills of wreckage and mayhem and only a few will survive.  Most died in the cities, few have retreated to the desert (where it is cheaper to film and you can drag in some thrashed cars) for the simpler life.   We catch up with a very paltry car chase scene in which we met Danny (Dawn Wildsmith of Evils of the Night, Prison Ship, Commando Squad, Surf Nazis Must Die, Future Force and Alienator) a harsh woman with well manicured fingers, make up looks spot and and hair is 80's frizzed.  

The secret Tusken Raider slave trade.

She deals with these raiders in short working order, steals their car and is on her way when she meets Dow (David Carradine of Shane, Kung Fu, Death Race 2000,  Thunder and Lightning, The Serpent's Egg, Deathsport, Circle of Iron, North and South, Future Force and Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat) causally strolls into shot, armed to the teeth.  They tootle around in their stolen rust heap Nova until the radiator hose gives and then it's on foot and let me tell you have not seen such chemistry since Spencer Tracy and Kathrine Hepburn.     Sorry, I meant you haven't seen such lack of chemistry since Bossom Buddies.
 
Our tiresome twosome wander into the hills as a band of marauders, excuse me mutants (decked out in German gas masks and leftover Tusken Raider apparel) scoop up a couple of bimbos with obvious saline jobs brought to the Warlord by Beaumont (Ross Hagen of  The Hellcats, Speedway, Daktari, Sidehackers a.k.a. Five the Hard Way,  Gunsmoke and Dinosaur Island) a crafty man that knows where the power is in this region of the states and that is the Warlord (Sid Haig of Galaxy of Terror, The Aftermath, Fantasy Island, Commando Squad, Kill Bill: Vol. 2, Halloween and Brotherhood of Blood) and he supplies him with women and guns.

Sid Haig: Lord of the Apocalypse.

Dow reveals to Danny that he has a disembodied robot head as a early warning device, navigation and more than a few weapons when he cannot get close for hand-to-hand with his martial arts.  He is searching for the Warlord that took his wife (Brink Stevens of Slumber Party Massacre, Tales from the Darkside, The Jigsaw Murders, Spirits, Bad Girls from Mars, Teenage Exorcist, Roots of Evil and Illicit Dreams 2)
Will Dow find his wife and claim his revenge against the Warlord?  Will Beaumont be given his just desserts?  Can they find a car that lasts more than 2 miles?

Here some trivia on our amazing moving picture.  This flotsam was shot in ten days.  The demolished tank in the opening credits sequence was a MBT-70, a joint West German/American prototype of the late sixties, early seventies that did not make it past the initial creation.

Once again our cinematic creation was filmed on location via Vasquez Rocks Natural Area Park in Agua Dulce, California because this means you require very little in the way of props to show a post-apocalyptic film.  Miles of desert in all direction except where the plot should be.

Stock footage... OF THE FUTURE!!!

Impending Podcast!!! Rotten Ramble On.

Hey folks!  Don't worry I am going to finish up the week's topic but right now I want to discuss the new podcast my friend Shawn and I will be on.  It's called Rotten Ramble On and basically we will be tackling interests of film, TV, adaptations from books made into TV and film and of course video games.  Yes we will do our homework, provide varied opinions on popular media culture, go completely off topic, rant, whine, bitch and possibly even moan (not in a erotic way though... depends on the guest star).   This will be an adult themed podcast which includes: Adult language, adult situations and NSWF, so do NOT let the kiddies sit in and hear what is about to play out.  We will do our level best to comport ourselves in a dignified manner as soon as we learn what comport means.

I am in the works to find folks of these different film, TV and video game genre and see if we can't set them down for an interview or two.  These are all future concepts right now but steps are being made to bring you an enjoyable, informative and squirrelly shows.  We will take requests on topics but right now we are shooting for once a month until our schedules sync up better or each of us has more free time.

Keep your eyes and ears peeled for this soon-to-be audio extravaganza!!!!

Sci-fi of the 1950's Week: Robot Monster

Hello everyone and yes I know this week has been an odd one but my sinuses are playing merry merry hell with me and it has been a bit difficult to focus.  That in mind I reviewed a brilliant film that captured the mind and soul…two days ago.  This movie however is no cinematic opus but rather it was rated, reviewed and reviled as one of the subject matter for the 1978 book The Fifty Worst Films of All Time (And How They Got That Way).  Granted most of their reasons of such were due to poor film quality, lack of restoration, poor audio and well yes it is also a stinkburger.   Those in mind, take on some emergency rations, prep the charcoal filters for the water and don’t pick a fight with a gorilla like being.  This is Robot Monster.

Dear God, I can barely breathe in this helmet!

Great One: Earth Ro-man, you violate the laws of plans.  To think for yourself is to be like the hu-man.

Ro-man: Yes! To be like the spoiler! To laugh! Feel! Want! Why are these things not in the plan?

Our vivid visual opens with the alien known as Ro-man Extension XJ-2 looking down Bronson Canyon via Griffith Park as he observes he has wiped out all humanity with his Calcinator Death Ray to his Supreme commander known as Great One.  Yeah typical B-movie with no budget response is to give greater description to your nonsensical.   It would appear his calculations were off as 8 humans are alive and well. 

An overtly complicated exposition about developing an immunity to the ray, a scientist, his wife, two daughters, his 8 year old son and 2 pilots are kept safe by this energy curtain developed by  The Professor…I kid you not that is the character’s name in credits but is played by none other than character actor John Mylong (The Devil Pays Off, For Whom the Bell Tolls, His Kind of Woman, Magnificent Obsession and Never Say Goodbye) and this is also Roy (George Nader’s first exposure to film to  later TV and Film gems like: Nowhere to Go, The Man and the Challenge, The Loretta Young Show, Shannon, A Walk by the Sea, The Human Duplicators and Espionage in Lisbon) shows some decent chops versus Ro-Man, slayer of the world.  

Post Apocalyptic Family Robinson.

Okay a quick few comments on this momentous movie.  Once again, projects large and small, Bronson Canyon is made to suffer.  As a spot for caverns and quarries for TV and Film for decades from anything of Bert I. Gordon’s The Magic Sword, Wes Craven’s The Hills Have Eyes and Star Trek episodes to the crazy bunch of the Tremors creators of Stampede Entertainment, this entire movie was filmed in this rather large expanse of geography. 

Now while they were saving money on locations, maybe a continuity director would have been nice.  The wee lad Johnny clearly seen wearing jeans and he enters the cave gets knocked out and over only to awake wearing a pair of shorts.   The Professor is proud to perform a marriage ceremony for Roy and his daughter Alice holding onto a book in his hand one shot and then the next, poof it is gone.

The amusing thing about this terribly done film is that it is beloved by many a bad movie lover and has actually made over a million dollars for the span of its existence.  Given it had only $1000 on the books for production that even a flop can get some love.

Another Craigslist hookup begins with shame.