Felissa Rose Week: Silent Night, Zombie Night

Welcome again back to the week. Yeah it is odd to being viewing this in February when clearly this is a Christmas tale but hey it happens. A story of life in L.A. A torrid tale of two cops partnered with each for years and one of them is diddling the others wife. Oh yeah and there are zombies. This is Silent Night Zombie Night.

Hehe I beefed in the car twice.

From the title I just assumed Ricky or Billy of Silent Night, Deadly Night rose from the dead to "Punish!" but turns out I am wrong. Seriously though this flick is less three minutes in and we already have had three zombie attacks, two on-screen and one off so Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, man!?! Officers Frank Talbot (Jack Forcinito of Blackbelt, Night Trap, Bitter Vengeance, As Good as Dead, Breath of Hate and Jurassic City) and Nash Jackson (Andy Hopper of Black Tie Nights, Girl on a Bed, Cloud Seven, Saint Francis, Shining On, CSI: NY and Political Disasters) both with enough tropes in their back pocket find themselves dealing with a legion of undead spreading rather quickly leaving them trapped with the woman they love, Frank's wife Sarah (Nadine Stenovitch of Heaven,Another World, Nash Bridges, Roadkiller, The Opponent, Beacon Hill, Beowulf and Open House). Yes it's the old standing of cheating wife with best friend, being professional on the job while cornered to hash out their zany differences...with zombies.

Eh, probably healthier than Church's fried chicken.

Nash got injured in the attack, not sure if the gunshot or a zombie bite occurred but Frank pissed off at the situation goes out and blasts a zombie with a twelve gauge...basically ringing the dinner bell. Dude, not watching The Walking Dead or Z-Nation? At any rate, Frank further ensures the salivation of zombie taste buds as they work around the apartment trying to get inside to the tender vittles. "But Jake, I thought you said this was Felissa Rose Week?!" Take it easy, Mr/Mrs shouty, we're getting there.

With a bit of exposition on the failing marriage, misinterpretation of a friend's intentions and so on, Frank hits on the idea of odor repellent via hunting formula. IDJIT! They're not deer! Frank seems too eager to bash civilians with a baseball bat which clearly means it may be time for a sensitivity awareness workshop. Homeowner Jeffery Hannigan (Lew Temple of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, Waitress, Halloween, Rango, Lawless, The Walking Dead, The Lone Ranger and House of Forbidden Secrets) is holed up in his attic with a pistol, water, food and a slighly injured son. No clue where the wife is at all. Frank accidentally caps Nash and just left him at Jeffery's. Dude, crappy neighbor.

Yeah it beats Zack Synder's nonsense.

Frank and Sarah woke up to be visited by I thought Shocking Dark's Megaforce but it would appear to be NRA enthusiasts Paul Irwin (Vernon Wells of The Road Warrior, Weird Science, Commando, Innerspace, Darksiders, Drop Dead Gorgeous, 100,000 Zombie Heads, Throwback and Jurassic City) and the top billed lady Elsa Lansing (Felissa Rose of Sleepaway Camp, The Night We Never Met, Nikos the Impaler, Horror, Zombiegeddon, Dead Serious, Satan's Playground, Dead and Gone, Psycho Sleepover, Return to Sleepaway Camp and Dahmer vs. Gacy). Not that I am not glad to see some veteran bad asses but an hour into the film and FINALLY we see this dynamic duo is a bit of a wait. With the plan of dealing with more zombies and scooping up Jeffery that plan goes all to hell leaving Elsa running back to Nash's pad. Jeffery got nipped in the face gives Nash his pistol after a long winded speech of missing family.

Will Frank and Nash hash things out? Can Elsa and Sarah pull a zombie slayer duo off?

Big problem with Vernon Wells and Felissa Rose being glorified cameos but I guess the love triangle was supposed to be the pivotal standing on the zombie story. The CGI gun shots, blood splatters and gallons of Karo syrup is effective in cost saving but looks a bit cheesy on film stock digital or otherwise. Maybe if you knock it down to 16mm and then convert to 35mm digital and then add the effects it would work easier. 

Nadine Stenovitch's performance of a woman torn between two guys is believable but Andy Hopper's passive aggressive character was a bit annoying. No fault to the actor, I just hate that particular trope. Ambivalence is what the final response to the film. Not a bad movie but it won't be a memorable one either. Sorry gang but that is my read through. Also I really wanted to see Felissa got sickhouse with a machete or hand axe, blow stray hairs out of her eye and say something to the effect, "You coming along?" Would have sold it for me.

When Airsoft games go too far.

A Sequel Like No Other: Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance

Well hello there my little lamby lambs and welcome back for the week here at Rotten Reelz Reviews. Now we have a few announcements for the week but that will all have to wait because...I have the sequel! What sequel you may find yourself asking? Why, only the sequel you yourself didn't even know you wanted. Yes the sequel to follow 25 years later from all the hard hitting action, paint balls for blood, the tactical wisdom of Shoot, shoot shoot, shoot them, man! I speak of none other than Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance.

Kawasu e no ikō o chūshi! or Abort move to dodge!

25 years later and the streets of L.A.have not improved. Technology and communications run at an all-time high and the Yakuza are in full swing. Joe Marshall (Matt Karedas of American Revenge, Samurai Cop and JAG)has all but disappeared after the death of Jennifer (now played by adult film star Kayden Kross of Escort, The Turn On. The Con Job, Nurses 2. Orgasm and My Sister's Husband)

Frank (Mark Frazer of Another World, Hunter, Samurai Cop and Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman) has a life, a good woman and a new partner Detective Higgins (Laurene Landon of Airplane II: The Sequel, Hundra, Maniac Cop, Wicked Stepmother, Maniac Cop 2, Drive and Knife to a Gunfight) whose plastic surgery is kinda frightening to look at. Seriously, I can barely understand her given her jaw has been reconstructed and her flesh pulled taunt. It's really scary. Frank knows a gang war is about to go down with the bodies piling up on either side but his captain, Joe Harmon (Joe Estevez of Soultaker, Werewolf, Cyber Seeker, Fatal Justice, Toad Warrior, Rollergator, Demolition Highway and Guns of El Chupacabra) is a bit of a prick and doesn't care for cops with instinct only by the book. At least 3 tsuba (hilt for a wakasashi or katana) have been left at the murder scenes.

Bai Ling's late afternoon wear.

 Frank tracks down the shipping address only to find Joe, alive and well, hiding out in the desert making duplicates based on the 8 tsuba of virtue for swords living the life of peace when Katanas strike! Agreeing to work with Frank again, Joe meets Milena ( Again adult film star Kayden Kross of Escort, The Turn On. The Con Job, Nurses 2. Orgasm and My Sister's Husband) the spitting image of his dead wife Jennifer and a hokey romance ensues.

3 semi-nude girls and you can't see a thing in this shot! muahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Joe drug into the middle of this potential power keg must do battle with the Katana clan against former mullet Fujiyama (Cranston Komuro of Samurai Cop and Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance) and his three deadliest specialists: Dogge' (Bai Ling of The Crow, Anna and the King, Sky Captain and the World of Tommorow, Blood Shed, The Key and 6 Ways to Die), Hera (Adult film actress Lexi Belle of Trouble Youth 3, Sweet Petite, The Ring, Girls Love Girls 3 and Lusty Young Lesbians Vol. 6) and Tessa (Adult film star Zoey Monroe of Slut Puppies 7, Buttsex Nymphos 2, Bitter Sweet. Young & Glamorous 5, Lil' Gaping Lesbians 5, and the classic P.O.V. Pervert 16) . Can Joe and Frank put aside their differences to handle Katana again? Will Joe have another lovely lady wig? Will Frank STOP mugging for the camera?

Originally pitched as Marshall's partner Frank would team up with Joe's daughter to avenge dear old Joe when...actor Matt Karedas turns out to be alive after years off the grid. Whoops. Better make him a producer.  Dear sweet lord why??? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US ALL???!!! Okay, that bit of overacting is courtesy of The Room's Tommy Wiseau appearing and having a part. The horror... the horror. YOU'RE SLICING ME APART, SAMURAI!!! Yup, got it out of my system now.

That's not my gun digging into your hip, baby.

Forgotten Gems of the 70's: The Rookies

Hola kiddies, park it down in your seats and let me blow your minds about the crimewave of Southern California.  With bikers, snowbirds looking for a quick fix and the general rampant misdeeds it is up to the Southern California Police Department to put these mothers in their place. With the Vietnam War making headlines still and morale a tad low, this series follows the lives of what was deemed the typical "blues" police officer, rolling in the patrol car and pounding the pavement,  These folks could be Vietnam vets to college kids fresh from the Academy.  This is The Rookies.

Bullitt went this way, fellas!

Lt. Ryker: Get those damn spoilers off the street and behind bars where they belong!  







Our series tells the tales of three rookie cops working the streets in I guess a fictional town in Santa Carla,California (even though I recognize the streets of L.A. and shouldn't it have a mess of damn vampires???) trying to make a difference.   Our three youthful lads hail from different backgrounds and neighborhoods.  Take Officer Mike Danko (Sam Melville of A Smell of Honey, a Swallow of Brine, The Thomas Crown Affair, Death Valley Days, Gunsmoke, Dallas, Scarcrow and Mrs. King and The Assassin) a former Marine, married and planning a life together with his nurse wife Jill (Kate Jackson of Dark Shadows, Limbo, Killer Bees, Death Scream, Charlie's Angels, Scarecrow and Mrs. King and Loverboy), college graduate Willie Gillis (Michael Ontkean of The Peace Killers, Slap Shot, The Blood of Others, Twin Peaks, Nico the Unicorn, North Shore and The Descendants) and social worker turned cop Terry Webster (Georg Stanford Brown of Bullitt, Colossus: The Forbin Project, Roots, Stir Crazy, North and South, Cuban Blood and Nip/Tuck).

Serving under their superior, Lt. Ryker (Gerald S. O' Loughlin of Men at Law, The Organization, The Blue and the Gray, Automan, Our House and Crime of the Century) these men are on the mean streets with only their wits, courage and sidearms to protect them.  Ryker does his level best to keep an eye on the boys, give them as much advice and wisdom to mold them into good cops.

Don't laugh, it's paid for.

Make no mistake, folks.  This is not your bulletproof supercops of McCloud, S.W.A.T. and Starsky & Hutch.   The concept here was to watch the young, inexperience cops make mistakes, cut corners and in general try to learn from what happened.  It was even made with continuity that those previous mistakes could come back to bite them in the keister.

 

Now a few comments about the show overall.  I found that the crux was cramming Kate Jackson's character in almost every episode.  If one of the guys got hurt, she just happened to be the nurse on duty.  The fellas come off a bit more like social workers and the college graduate seems to have to yank the myopic scope how life should be far too often.  Constantly establishing that he lacks the "hep cat" standing.  He is hardly "down with the street", if you will.   Face it, this guy is whiter than vanilla.

Yes, the dialogue, outlook and overall vibe is dated but honestly I found this more entertaining than the current cop shows of the gritty and dark vibe of the Law & Orders.

Next subject: Bribery and you!

Schwarzenegger Week: Red Heat

Welcome to Day 4 of Schwarzenegger Week and it is clearly time for even more shots of Arnold's butt.  No, straight men you will have to accept this tradition that has been since The Terminator and move on.   This time around Arnold will attempt an accent that is not his own but learn some Russian and pummel even more bad guys in various state of dress.  Coupled with Jim Belushi he will thwart crime and take down the head villain.  This is Red Heat.

Keep it at 50 or we blow up!

Art Ridzik:  I'm gonna get us something from the four food spoilers: hamburgers, french fries, coffee and doughnuts.





Writer/director of action Walter Hill (The Warriors, 48 Hrs., Crossroads, Extreme Prejudice, Johnny Handsome, Another 48 Hrs. and Last Man Standing)  give us a slew of buddy cop cliches, hard hitting one-liners and many composure of James Horner (Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Krull, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, Commando, Cocoon, Willow and Glory) brings a gritty and dark look the differences of countries, police work and views on life.    A Georgian drug lord Viktor Rostavili (Ed O' Ross of Lethal Weapon, Full Metal Jacket, Action Jackson, Another 48 Hrs., Universal Soldier, Dark Planet and Sorority Party Massacre) is being led into a trap via Captain Ivan Danko (Arnold Schwarzenegger of Raw Deal, Twins, Kindergarten Cop, Dave, True Lies, T2 3-D: Battle Across Time and Batman & Robin) only to have to tables turn as Rosta's men gun down more than a few of the Soviet cops including Danko's partner.  Yes, now he made it personal and so on.

Well it's August.  Of course I am sweaty.

 Rosta makes his way to the States and lands in Chicago to peddle his wares when CPD gets wind of it and nabs him up.  Assigned to a plethora of murders with Rosta's m.o. Detective Art Ridzik (James Belushi of Salvador, The Principal, Real Men, K-9, Taking Care of Business, Last Action Hero and According to Jim) is there to represent Chicago PD as a prisoner transfer to Danko is to take place when Rosta's men strike again and now Ridzik looses his partner.  Double jeopardy babies!!  The two completely different cops team up in good faith and pursue Rosta and his lackeys up and down over half of Chicago causing more than their fair share of destruction to public and private property and have several shoot-outs in the process.

A few notes on the film itself if you will.

 This Hodge podge collection of action and pithy comments has more than the usual cadre of stars in it including: Gina Gershon, Laurence Fishburne, Peter Boyle and Arnold's weightlifting and sparring buddy Sven-Ole Thorsen.    I swear that guy has been in every Arnold flick to the day.  So the concept of the film is not exactly original.  Two cops from different sides of the track (or countries) are forced to team, argue, snipe, bitch, work together and become buddies by the end of the film.

Okay the formula has been used numerous times by even our director but it works.  We have action, some comedic moments and Arnold looks like a stone face golem, hell bent on crushing his chosen opponent and Belushi is really along for the ride.  I do not discount the humor and attitude he brings to the picture but it is hard to look like a bad ass next to Schwarzenegger...  unless you are Stallone.

Ivan Danko: Pro Vodka.

80s Larson TV Week: Manimal

Welcome back folk to another slathering heap of Larson 80’s TV Week.  Now we have covered two very successful creations providing entertainment and probably more topless man chest than I ever needed to see.   Now I thought we would take a gander at one of the bombs of the 80s that held promise but not enough interest.  Bear in mind this is also these are the audiences that needed Friday the 13^th sequels left and right so this could be part of the problem.  A professor of criminology (thank you Jay for looking that up) who prowls the night in search of criminals and show them the error of their wicked ways all the while being a vigilante?  This is Manimal.

Thought we were gonna watch the game, not Spring clean!

Dr. Jonathan Chase…wealthy, young, handsome.   A man with the brightest of spoilers.  A man with the darkest of pasts.

Dr Chase (Simon MacCorkindale of Hammer House of Horror, Macbeth, The Sword and the Sorcerer, Falcon Crest, Counterstrike, Poltergeist: The Legacy, Casualty and Night Wolf) apparently glob trotted from Cambridge England, to Africa to the far reaches of Tibet…stuff happened??   Okay the skinny is thus, Chase found through an accidental transmogrification he could shape shift into multiple animals.  Why wouldn’t he want to use that new found ability to FIGHT CRIME??!!!   Of course he would.  That is perfectly logical from all the angles I have examined it at.  

Frosted Flakes won't save you, criminal scum.

Other than the audience only two other people knew his secret.  One being a lovely lady cop Detective Brook McKenzie (Melody Anderson of Flash Gordon, Dead & Buried, St. Elsewhere, Policewoman Centerfold, Phillip Marlowe, Private Eye and Firewalker) and his buddy Ty Earl (Michael D. Roberts of Heartbreaker, The Ice Pirates, Earthlings, Double Trouble, Manhunter, Rain Man and Sleepstalker) in the atypical buddy cop/crime fighter story arcs of the day, this series lasted all of 8 episodes due to poor Neilsen ratings.   The audience did not get to delve into Chase’s back story at all and were in fact robbed at a potentially clever series.

I had a few comments about the show now.   The creature transformations were brought to us by Stan Winston’s Creature Shop and while they were amazing manifestations from man to panther.  Most of us had issues with his clothes somehow never tearing or morphing with his flesh into these various creatures.  I guess Simon MacCorkindale in his tighty whiteys might have been a problem but personally as well built as the guy was you would thought it would improve the ratings overall.  For crying out loud, Magnum didn’t have a shirt on half of the time and I heard no complaints from straight women and gay men so who can guess.

Due to the costs of Stan Winston’s SFX team, co-coordinators and various animal wranglers the executives felt the cost was too great for the low ratings and ultimately pulled the plug on a superhero vigilante that could have really gone places.  Located in New York you already got the vibe of the Avengers, Fantastic Four or Spiderman but even great locale, special effects and decent writing cannot always survive the first year as this was rated one of the worst of the 50 TV shows of all time in 2002 by TV Guide.   Somehow nonsense like Jackass and The Jersey Shore got more love.

Special guest star: Michael Corvin of Underworld!

Larson 80s TV Week

Howdy kiddies and this week I thought we would tackle shows of yesteryear again.  The 1970s to 1990s series with the development of multiple titles and pilots by Glen A. Larson (writer and producer of It Takes a Thief, Alias Smith and Jones, McCloud, Battlestar Galactica, Switch and Buck Rogers in the 25^th Century) in order to bring quality shows…of course he did try to subject us to Automan (an AI creation that created constructs i.e. vehicles and physical presence to fight crime with) and Manimal (a professor able to transform into any kind of animal in order to fight crime alongside a cop and his Vietnam war buddy) so I cannot guarantee you will love every series Larson produced and written but dammit we will take a peek!  

Enjoy the beefcake, ladies.

From such memorial TV shows such as: Magnum P.I. to more obscure shows you may have forgotten like Cover Up and The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo. 

Ranging series from Westerns, Action and Science Fiction to offer a stimulus to the imagination to what was marketable for children and adults.  

22 TV movies had Larson at the helm producing it with what funds were allotted or what he brought to the table.  He has amazed us as equally baffled us so let us take time to review a smattering of series this week via the 1980s collection. 

I hope as always it informs and entertains.

Exploitation Week: Detroit 9000

What’s shakin’ babies.  Welcome back to Day 2 of Exploitation Week and boy howdy did I find a humdinger of a film.  We have action, nudity, car chases, gunfights a complex heist leading to cop murders. Baby this is a packed film.  So brush off your patrol blues, prep your unlimited ammo six shooter and practice your racist epithets.  This is Detroit 9000.

Sing Misty for Me!

Spoilers are out of sight, baby.  Real righteous.

The Band of Brothers event; intervary becomes a charity event for Congressman Aubrey Hale Clayton (Rudy Challenger of Hit Man, ‘Sheba, Baby, The Slams, Sanford and Son, Killer on Board, Sole Survivor and Harlem Nights) gets robbed for over $400,000.  The black community screech at the cops for this robbery and wonders where police protection was.  The white community is claiming it is a scam to get attention to the media and create racial issues.  This is in the streets of Detroit has to be answered. 

We're booking you for being too fine. Heh.

Enter 14 year veteran cop Detective Lieutenant Danny Bassett (Alex Rocco of The Godfather, Herbie Goes Bananas, Nobody’s Perfekt, The Entity, Cannonball II and The George Carlin Show)a street savvy white cop that has a wife in the bug house, he is strapped for cash and is an honest cop behind the 8 ball has been assigned this robbery.  He knows he is screwed.  If it was blacks that did the crime, the community screams foul. If whites did it they scream foul and if he cannot solve it, he’s screwed.

   

The trifecta of boned doesn’t stop there as he is assigned a partner Detective Sergeant Jesse Williams (Hari Rhodes of Earth II, Conquest of Planet of the Apes, To Sir, with Love, Most Wanted and Murder Without Motive: The Edmund Perry Story) a college educated, street smart black man and member of the community is fine with the team up but cannot fathom how Bassett can deal with all the crap life has handed him. 

Hey sucka, leave a comment on the page or Facebook!!

They both tackle the case from different angles as well as sources in the hopes to solve the case at the ridiculous time restraint of 48 hours.  A prostitute at the local brothel Roby (Vonetta McGee of Blacula, The Norliss Tapes, Shaft in Africa, Repo Man, Hell Town, Cagney & Lacey and L.A. Law) knows of a double cross from the heist and tries to tell the cops but is conflicted as she knows Jesse from a younger and more innocent time in her life.  

The gang that hit up the felons of the heist go their separate ways to let the heat cool off and yet are packing hardware and ending up in shoot outs with cops.  WTF??!!!   Be cool cats and this could just wash over but NOoOoOOo they got to go right to blasting patrolmen.  With every tick of the clock and suspects and leads drying up Bassett and Williams are almost at their wits end.

I have just a few notes of this movie.  Cinematography is done 35 mm Panavision(anamorphic lens) and this is recorded in 4-track Stereo (double layered 2 track for audio taping) and given this was filmed in 1973 you can still see damage from the 1967 race riot in Detroit all over the town; a point referenced in the film as well.  This was well written and really embraced the time of change in both cultures attempting to tolerate one another in the hopes to acceptance. 

Writer Orville H. Hampton (Rocketship X-M,The Alligator People, Jack the Giant Killer and Riot on Sunset Strip) did his level best to show each of the stereotypes from both sides of the fence to a realistic standing…although I myself have not heard the term Honky that many times ever. 

TV director and producer Arthur Marks (Perry Mason, Gunsmoke, Linda Lovelace for President and The Monkey Hu$tle) was said the filming process was a double edged sword in that he was uncomfortable with the violence and nudity but the experience did allow him to further on into Film with a different view of how violence is portrayed.

70's TV Week: Starsky and Hutch

Back again kids and this time with a cop drama.  Yes plainclothes cops busting down on the street crime, taking flack from the captain and deals with their snitches.  So grab a cup of coffee, sweat out the prisoner in interrogation and get the goods.   This is Starsky and Hutch.

Little old lady 120 pts!

The spoilers are cutting us off at every turn!

Defending the good citizens of Bay City California, Detective Ken “Hutch” Hutchinson (David Soul of Here Comes The Bride, Magnum Force, Salem’s Lot, World War III, Through Naked Eyes, The Yellow Rose and Tides of War) and Detective Dave Starsky (Paul Michael Glaser of Fiddler on the Roof, The Streets of San Francisco, The Waltons and Third Watch) work together, fight side by side and have the general friendship among men that are friends and partners.   Getting their orders from their commanding officer, Captain Dobey (Bernie Hamilton of Tarzan, The Swimmer, Walk the Walk, The Name of the Game, Hammer and Scream Blacula Scream)    Keeping their fingers on the pulse of the city Starsky and Hutch regularly squeeze their contact Huggy Bear (Antonio Fargas of Busting, Conrack, Foxy Brown, Carwash, The Ambush Murders, Crimewave and I’m Gonna Git You Sucka).  Armed with their wits, A Colt .45 and .357 Colt Python as well as usually Starsky’s 1974’s Ford Gran Torino the men of call sign Zebra Three, these no nonsense policemen, get their hands dirty and get the job done.  Occasionally they take Hutch’s battered Ford Galaxie and man it looks like a tank.

Dig it...

For most of the word on the street the fellas hit The Pits, Huggy Bear’s bar and while Huggy is supposed to be a bit of a rebel he always helps them out and in my opinion a fairly positive role model.  This is the first prime time series to show supporting black characters in a positive light for a change.  Writer and creator William Blinn (Bonanza, Shane, Here Come the Brides, The Interns, Hunter and Eight Is Enough)

While most cop shows are a gamble based on ratings, likability and coherent writing.  While I don’t think this series was that violent I am sure there was someone losing their marbles over it.  During season 4 the retuning the series made Glaser want to take off.  They attempted to bring in a younger brother of Starsky as some need to keep the title of the show but season 5 was eventually scraped and they passed on it all together.  There were even talks of a spin-off starring Huggy Bear as the main character but it did not make it past a 90 page screen treatment.  

Nah, not a big Stephen King fan.

With growing up with the era of CHiPs and Hill Street Blues, this gave buddy cop a decent definition and a sense of comradely to likes which seems to be duplicated again and again.  This was a diverting show, simple enough writing but with solid characters.

While Bay City may be fictional, Los Angeles San Pedro was not and by God a great location teeming for car chases and good gunfights.   Interestingly enough San Pedro’s Metro Division was used is the San Pedro City Hall these days.