Random Pick: Hunters of the Golden Cobra

Hey gang. Sorry about the week. Been caught up in writing that short story and well I really didn't want to stop. So I was looking up cheeseball action movie titles and well this seemed like complete dog flop. With the capable hands of one Antonio Margheriti (Horror Castle, Flesh for Frankenstein, Cannibal Apocalypse, Yor, Hunter from the Future, The Last Blood, The Ark of the Sun God, Jungle Raiders, Kommando Leopard and Alien from the Deep) this could go either way. This is The Hunters of the Golden Cobra a.k.a. Golden Cobra, Hunters of the Golden Cobra, Jungle Hunt.

I say old sport, this is a spot of bother, ah wot?

For more than 40 years, many a household plans a bad movie night for riffing, mockery or just flat out having plenty of Whiskey Tango Foxtrot moments. Today's film is no exception. Fimed in Italy, the taglines alone are worth the viewing.  The Mission: Recover the World's Most Priceless Treasure. The Odds: Impossible! No we are not chasing after the Ark of the Covenant nor the Holy Grail. Instead the Golden Cobra is besought and coveted for its supernatural powers. Not sure if it has anything to do with a ruthless terrorist organization bent on ruling the world.

New Wave Sheena of the Jungle.

Towards the end of WWII, American Green Beret Bob Jackson (David Warbeck of Duck, You Sucker, The Beyond, The Last Hunter, The Black Cat, Karate Warrior 4, Karate Warrior 5 and Mean Tricks) and British Intelligence Officer (MI-6 I guess and possibly SAS trained) Captain David Franks (John Steiner of Beyond the Door II, A Man Called Blade, Question of Love, Caligula, The Last Hunter, Tenebre, Yor, the Hunter from the Future, The Ark of the Sun God and Cut and Run) get separated from each other during their mission to eliminate a lunatic Japanese general. With bit of assistance of stock footage, pyrotechnics at work for flame pots, the fortified region is no more and our boys slip in. The action feels a bit Guns of the Navarone meets Raiders of the Lost Ark. Franks gives of the stereotypical appearance of an Englishman unflappable in the path of danger while Jackson is mildly whimsical.

Several small scale model explosions but well matched to the existing footage so planes, fuel trucks and junglescape getting blown up left and right. Jackson witnesses the fleeing major taken down by poisonous blow darts propelled by the cannibal cast of Zombie Holocaust. One year later, Franks and Jackson catch up as both men beat the crap out of each other morphing a wonderful day for cockfighting into a full donnybrook. Franks offers a fair degree of cash not mention both their governments want to know the location of the Golden Cobra. Believed to have belonged to ancient Asian people the Amox, this relic could insight holy wars, mystical powers and possibly leave the governments of Asia toppled due superstitious fear.

Pantless cocktail hour? Count me in.

And once again a familiar character actor playing Greenwater looking far more reputable than ever , an American archeologist searching for his lost niece (Luciano Pigozzi of General Della Rovere, Two Women, Blood and Black Lace, Werewolf in a Girl's Domitory, Castle of the Living Dead and Yor, Hunter of the Future) once again voiced in dub by the one and only Edward Mannix.

Most of our jungle war scenes, yup you guessed it we are back in the Philippines because Vietnam just doesn't care for film crews at all. Something about a police action in the 60s and 70s. I dunno. Wasn't paying attention. A lot of the soundtrack sounds lifted from Man From U.N.C.L.E. All the incidental music screams, "I belong on the set of Gunsmoke," but I could be wrong. Coming at you with an hour and 35 minutes, this is well paced, tries to be original in spite of the source materials it is clearly lifting and is actually engaging. 

Hmm Roger Moore or Jonny Lee Miller?

Comic Flicks of 2016: Deadpool

Welcome back everyone! Hope you had a great Christmas, just now enjoying Hanukkah and maybe could explain Kwanzaa. At any rate, the festivities are on a lull for me so back to the grindstone. My lady love suggested yet another write-up for the week and I cannot disagree. We both tried to get into the films of this waning year and we found we were enjoying the comic book movies more so than the sci-fi, drama and comedies. No real fault on the writers' part, just felt that most of the flicks had no texture. So with that I guess this week is all about our comic book flicks of the year.

When you say anti-hero you think of criminals being punished by gunfire or 10 story swan dive out a window. Perhaps you might think of a demonic motorcyclist with a penance stare or even a Canadian with unbreakable bones and claws that can cut through anything. Be that as it may, today we talk about the wise-cracking, gun-totting, sword-wielding smart ass with a healing factor, the merc with the mouth. This is Deadpool.

Headshots!!!

After the abysmal failure of X-Men Origins: Wolverine, the likelihood of a decent film was highly improbable but writers Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick (Dinosaur, The Joe Schmo Show, Invasion Iowa, Zombieland and G.I. Joe: Retaliation) manage to hammer together an R rated smart arsed script giving life to one of the most beloved, loopy, spandex clad anti-heroes to the big screen. Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds of Van Wilder, Blade: Trinity, The Amityville Horror, Just Friends, Waiting..., Buried, Green Lantern, Safe House, R.I.P.D., and Woman in Gold) is a highly trained Special Forces commando gone mercenary taking his assignments, pleasing the clients and pocketing the cash. Even scores a hottie stripper name of Vanessa (Morena Baccarin of Firefly, Still Life, Serenity, Justice League, Stargate SG-1, Stolen, V, Homeland and Son of Batman) so all in all, life is looking up until...Wilson finds out he has cancer in his liver, lungs, prostate and brain and life is looking a tad closer towards the crapper.

So...whatcha doin' after the film?

Drinking at the bar for his assignments, Wade is visited a recruiter Wade dubbed "Agent Smith" (Jed Rees of Galaxy Quest, The Ringer, Elizabethtown, Deadpool and Dark Harvest) who tells Wilson of an organization that will embue him with powers and will enhance his existing abilities thus ridding him of his disease. Sounds pretty sweet until the main doctor Ajax (insert tough scrubbing joke) tells Wade that he'll be a super powered weapon of their choosing. Ajax (Ed Skrein of Ill Manors, The Sweeney, Game of Thrones, The Tunnel, Sword of Vengeance, The Transporter Refueled, Deadpool and The Model) pushes Wilson to his mental and physical breaking point until his mutation comes to light. (GEEK EXPLAINATION! Deadpool is a mutate not a mutant. A mutant develops powers due to an pre-existing chromosone while a mutate is due to an exposure of chemicals, environment, alien power base or the power of imagination!) Wilson develops a healing factor that is on par if not superior to that of even Wolverine's. Which makes sense since the stock being pumped into Wilson had to come from Weapon X. However the cancer mutates externally making Wilson's mug and body look like a vicious elbow scab. Maybe an orange you left in the back of the fridge for three months. He could double date with Freddy Kruger and Freddy would be the looker.

We are the three... aaaaamigos!!!

His buddy Weasel (actor/comedian T.J. Miller of T. J. Miller: No Real Reason, RVC: The Lone Shopping Network, Carpoolers, Waiting to Die, How to Train Your Dragon, Yogi Bear, Dragon: Riders of Berk, Big Hero 6 and High School USA!) pissed he didn't win the dead pool for Wade snuffing it gives Wade some tough love, advice and Wade a secret identity mostly by accident. Locked, loaded and severely honked off, Wade will find Ajax and carve him into brisket. Maybe say hi to his girl and who knows, hang with the X-Men.

Okay a few comments on the film overall. The "ONLY" complaint is in the comics, Wade/Deadpool is so messed up thanks to his extreme makeover he has voices in his head, different aspects of his personality if you will and they are always around for thought bubbles making comments so Wade looks completely crackers in a fire fight, sword fight and fistfight that it makes his opponents and even allies question if he is completely crackers or not. That is my only real complaint on this flick. Okay sure you could give him the Darkman damaged hero backstory but guess what!?! With the exception of maybe Thor, all heroes are damaged in one facet or another. Move on. Ryan Reynolds was the logical choice for this character because of his sense of humor, the factor he can manage to beef up and handle all the crazy training he had to pick up. Not to mention that outfit could NOT have been fun to roll in. You sneeze and it's all in your eyes.

The breaking the fourth wall gag was well done in just idly staring at the audience giving a bit of insight and banter. Yes Deadpool is aware he lives in a universe where people disappear/die/ressurect/get lost in time and have massive team-ups all the time.

Ooo can we skip Uncle Ben's death there Spiderman: Homecoming...please?   Seriously twice was enough but DC trumps that with multiple Batman Mom and Pop gacks.   So folks, Stephen Lang, Ron Perlman or my own choice Michael Parks ( Night Cries, Rainbow, The Private Files of J. Edgar Hoover, Bullfighter, Kill Bill: Vol. 1, Kill Bill: Vol.2, Planet Terror and Django Unchained) for Cable, the time traveling, cybernetic, telekinetic gun-totting badass himself. Oh go Google him already. Sheesh.

Wolvie says I can't fly the Blackbird again.  Dink.

Godfrey Ho: Lethal Panther

Hello and good day to you all. Yup the week is upon us and I decided to journey into Z-grade ninja/zombie/commando cut and paste director himself, Godfrey Ho. Why in the nine hells would I subject myself and you, the readers to this cringe making, live taking utter torment? Well after having to sit through Friday the 13^th remake, I was thinking perhaps my readers that make suggestions ARE EVIL and should be punished. Now for you gentle readers that don't want to rock the boat, make waves or create tiny tumors in my brain, I apologize for the week ahead.

Bullet blasting babe of brutality!!

Director Godfrey Ho (Clash of the Ninjas, Bionic Ninja, Ninja 8: Warriors of Fire, Ninja: Silent Assassin, Ninja Death Squad, Cobra vs. Ninja, Robo Vampire, Dressed to Fire, Born to Fight, Ninja Empire and Power Force) is best known for taking films that were not finished or could not get a release date and coming up with his own footage of a different story, doing some exposition to tie the two wildly different stories together with bad English dubbing. Today we look at a cinematic wonder about 3 CIA agents dealing with a counterfeiter when it all comes down to them having to take the law into their own hands. This is Lethal Panther a.k.a. Deadly China Dolls.

Hey, that's not Chow Yung Fat!

Our intro music sounds like I am attending a 1970's Olympic special. Half expected to see Cathy Lee Crosby to grace the screen. Leading this fight against crime is uzi totting former rebel turned hitman or hitwoman Eileen (Maria Jo of Zhong gui, Zai shi feng liu jie, Twisted Love, Searching for Love and Chu nu jiang)CIA Betty (Sibelle Hu of Your Smiling Face, My Lucky Stars, Top Squad, Crystal Hunt, Holy Virgin vs. The Evil Dead and Fatal Mission) and prostitute/assassin Amy (Yoko Miyamoto of Lethal Panther)

Betty slaps around a punk around and tell him to spill his guts about the nephew of crime boss extraordinaire, Albert (Lawrence Ng of The Underground Banker, A Chinese Torture Chamber Story, Deng Long, Zheng rong, Doctor Mack, Peace Hotel and New Tenant) But enough of plot and potential character development, time for a sex scene with full frontal! Yeah that is not a joke and we are only 5 minutes into this flick already. Only to get offed after getting off. Driving a Wakasashi into a guy's gut seemed a bit off but our girl gets cleaned up, rig dead guy's body with a bomb or maybe the squibs were too powdered and smokes all the dead guy's bodyguards.   Betty and CIA plan to deal with the counterfeiter Charles Wong with an undercover buy that gets so damn gun crazy it was a wonder if anything good came out of it. The shots fired forms will go on for a week easily.

I'm an extra!

Da boss' little girl is already for her big wedding day that ends in a bloodbath as Albert decides to have dear uncle Charles bumped off so he can take over and rule the underworld and each of the girls steps on the others' toes trying to get to the same objective.

Will they join forces and bring down Albert? Is Albert his actual name? Could this dubbing get worse?

There are elements of Le Femme Nikita and John Woo's The Killers but it is clumsy execution. That being said, a lot of the fight and gun scenes are actually shot well from different hand held, dolly and some tri-pod. That being said, I am pretty sure he lifted some Carpenter music from Halloween. No idea why but that is a m.o.he is known for. The choreography for the gun fights on the other hand feel like I am sitting through a Miami Vice episode. No one is covering each other, conserving rounds or even flanking properly so... typical action flick. I am no stranger to the Girls with Guns action genre that I believe Andy Sidaris managed quiet often but it is a bit over the top here. 

At least three sleazier than most sex scenes, decent Kung Fu and Wu Shu fights and more guns blazing than The Killers but the editing has made it confusing as hell. I got the 90 minute version but I doubt that 5 additional minutes cleared up all the plot holes.

Bad ass girl but grandma hair cut!?!

Movies with the word Slaughter in it: Slaughter

Welcome back for the week my gentle and loving readers.   SoOoooo... I did not get any ideas, comments or suggestions for what to write this week.  Honestly it is okay to offer some film, TV or video game ideas.   With that in mind, I randomly chose the word slaughter as the crux of what I would be viewing.  As luck would have it, rather than some jiggly girl in lingerie with big breasts running up the stairs rather than out the door, I got a blaxploitation of action packed goodness starring the one, the only Jim Brown (Cleveland Browns fullback from 1957-1965, only man to be inducted to the sports Halls of Fame for College Football, Pro Football and Lacrosse) This is Slaughter.

Girl, you already got your alimony check.  Now git!

Jim is Slaughter, former Captain in the Green Berets, war hero and all around bad ass. With his dad being deep in the mob, a car bomb goes off killing both his dad and mom as they returned from an evening show. Nosey reporter Kim (Marlene Clark of Enter the Dragon, Ganja & Hess, The Beast Must Die, Switchblade Sisters, Sanford and Son and Highway to Heaven) senses a scoop and badgers our hero whom wants nothing to do with her. Hitting up one of dad's contacts he is off for revenge to nail the muthas that killed his folks. Taking out a handful of these dirtbags, Slaughter has been picked up for unloading a Colt .45 (pistol not the malt liquor) on an airstrip.

That may be a factory recall.

Expect a few N bombs folks because...um, it's the seventies?  The chief inspector of US Treasury (Cameron Mitchell of Carousel, Blood and Black Lace, The Beachcomber, The High Chaparral, Space Mutiny,Memorial Valley Massacre and Easy Kill) says he can waive the murder one and assault with a deadly weapon charges if... Slaughter heads down to South America (Mexico City) and take the rest of these scumbags out.

The mobsters that almost lost their lives decide to lay low, live off the ill-gotten gains for a while and not draw attention. That doesn't sit well with number 2 in the organization Dominic (Rip Torn of Montserrat, Slaughter, Blind Ambition, The Beastmaster, City Heat, RoboCop 3, Men in Black and Men in Black 2) who wants Slaughter dead, the organization to expand and take over L.A. Slaughter just made it to "South America" only to find out that reporter girl Kim is actually part of the US Treasury department as a field agent and the chief assigned her to watch Slaughter's back...possibly his front too.

Yup, she's never going back.

Dominic wants Slaughter's head on a pike given his boss insists Dominic's girl Ann (Stella Stevens of The Nutty Professor, General Hospital, The Poseidon Adventure, Chained Heat and Santa Barbara) to pork information out of Slaughter but ends up falling for our boy.

Will Slaughter live up to his name? Will Rip Torn live up to his? Why did Kim have so few lines?

South America was all over Mexico City so I don't know why the organization couldn't have been located in Mexico. Still love that we see Slaughter's folks in a car that explodes, covered in flames that shoot up 20 feet in the air, the next scene Slaughter is waiting on the ER doctor for news. Doc tells him that his father didn't make it and I am thinking, "Well yeah, dude got well done." Went up like one of That Guy From Harlem's NY strips.  Just needed a bottle of crappy J&B scotch to go with dad after that.

Driving Mr. Brown: The TV Movie.

Anime Absurdity: Lupin the IIIrd: Jigen's Gravestone

Howdy folks, so Tuesday was evil brain issues, yesterday I had to grab a nerve block shot and host my first visited podcast for Rotten Ramblin' On. That is getting processed right now so hopefully the director Dustin Ferguson and his friends, family and co-workers have a good time with it. That being said, back to the anime. Today's flick we follow the legendary thief Lupin the third, with Jigen getting into typical mischief as they are out for treasure, the Little Comet. This is Lupin the 3^rd: Jigen's Gravestone.

Those pesky Mormons will follow you anywhere.

Partnered up for the latest gig, Lupin and Jigen are catching up after Fujiko Mine, Jigen has just left a bodyguard engagement where the queen of fictional land of West Doroa, was killed by a sniper that has a gravestone issued for each of his victims before he kills them. Lupin and Jigen give chase for this assassin they discovered is Yael Okuzaki has left a headstone for Jigen. The clock is tickling, our assassin is hot on their trail taking his time and playing with his opponent for the simple fact he really gets a challenge let alone a fellow professional to combat with. He also lets fate decide how many bullets he will use rolling a six-sided die to determine how many shots will be needed.

This film has kind of a different from the typical heist film, we have some great shootouts, an excellent car chase and well a sort of slip and slide and downright filthy dance and BDSM number with Fujiko with some sort of bot, lubricants and metallic tentacles. Yeah folks, this is definitely NOT for the kiddies. Pops or Inspector Zenigata does not get a huge part in the particular film and that irked me so.

Fujiko remembers she is wearing more clothes than her contract allows.

Shockingly enough Fujiko is at the very castle after Little Comet and the dirt on East Doroa's effects in social, political and economic offering info in kick backs, pay offs and all sorts of incrimination but...Fujiko gets abducted several men in elaborate masks that drop her in with said robot for whatever warped hentai scenario was on the rise. Now why Goemon is not around for this outing is being me. Guess the swordmaster had other things to do this time.

Can Lupin save his friends, get the try and find out who hired Okuzaki thus putting a stop to him? It's a pretty tall order but hey, it's Lupin.

The story's overall vibe follows the Monkey Punch traits of perversion on Lupin's behalf, some light comedy interspersed with drama, some action and good times to be had.

As a fan of the franchise, I took away that this was more geared towards adults and really allows for future takes and continuation. It's got a decent story, the action is packed and a good steady pace for the film. Our Japanese and English voice cast know what they're doing giving each signature character the nearest equivalent of that of the series has been. Not a bad flick so dig up Jigen's Gravestone when you have the chance.

Seems quiet enough.

As the Season Goes On: Burn Notice Season 4

Greetings one and all to As the Seasons Go On. Naturally I speak not of the physical seasons from summer to the dreaded winter but of TV series. Today we get back in touch with our favorite burnt spy as he had just saved Management from a deadly assassin that was completely crackers then was whisked away to a secret holding facility. Is this the beginning or the end of Michael Westen? This is Burn Notice Season 4.

That awkward moment ignoring Sam's beer farts.

With Michael (Jeffrey Donovan of Bait, Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, Touching Evil, Law & Order, Crossing Jordan and Fargo) gathered up to God knows where, he is greeted by Vaughn (Robert Wisdom of Face/Off, Supernatural, Happy Town, Passion Play, Nashville, Spider-Man: Web of Shadows and The Wire) of the organization that burned Michael with open arms and congratulations. Vaughn breaks down that Westen has major brownie points for saving Management from Simon and there is still plenty of work to be done to insure America's choice of lifestyle and so on and so forth. Man, their mantras are all sounding alike. They can honestly justify to you, me and themselves the need to torch villages for the greater good. Pointing out how they got off to a rocky start, they have a mastermind, a shadow figure with deep pockets dispatching the organization's people left and right.

Uriel from Supernatural???  Oh crap.

In spite how Michael feels about the organization, he knows the good they can do without having to be bogged down with red tape and procedures. Michael agrees to look into it but he wants to handle it his way. That in mind, he is back in Miami as Sam (Bruce Campbell of The Evil Dead, Running Time, Ellen, Pitfall 3-D: Beyond the Jungle,Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Xena: Warrior Princess,Spider-Man and Ash Vs Evil Dead) our boozy flirty former Navy SEAL and everyone's favorite IRA sharpshooter and demolitionist Fiona (Gabrielle Anwar of Scent of a Woman, For Love or Money, The Three Musketeers, The Practice, The Tudors, The Family Tree and A Warrior's Heart) are back in the game and glad to have Michael back. Naturally his mother Madeline (Sharon Glass of Cagney & Lacey, Turnabout, House Calls, The Trials of Rosie O' Neill, Queer as Folk and Nip/Tuck) makes an appearance and offers sage advice in-between Marlboros.

While doing the super spy gig, Michael gets a spy Jesse Porter (Coby Bell of L.A. Doctors, Third Watch, Halo: Reach, Archer and The Game) burned. Westen befriends Jesse in the hopes he can get his position back and clear his name before Jesse gets hip to who did the actual deed. Juggling personal, professional and emotional baggage. Westen and crew need to stop this global mogul before he takes more of what he wants when he wants or more people will die. Irking biker gangs, syndicates and foreign intelligence presents a whole bunch of fight scenes, car chases, gun battles and more than a few guest stars.

So does it ever cool down in this town?

Indiana Jones Week: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Howdy all and greetings to Day 3 of Indiana Jones Week.  Today we tackle what has been exclaimed as the best of the series and so on.  With Spielberg at the director's chair again we will see what this archaeologist got mixed up in this time.  You can bet it involves Nazis, a femme fatale and maybe a holy relic.  He's got a thing for history as you may have noticed.  This is Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

When I grow up I am gonna pummel guys in a fedora hat.

Elsa: What's this?
Indiana Jones: Spoiler of the Covenant.
Elsa: Are you sure?
Indiana Jones: Pretty sure.



Our story opens with a flashback in 1912 of 13 to maybe 14 year old Indiana Jones (River Phoenix of Explorers, Stand by Me, The Mosquito Coast and Sneakers) out in Utah on a boy scout outing.  He finds a few men digging in a cave that found the gold cross of Coronado (the Spanish Conquistador that was reputed to found the mythic Seven Cities of Gold), Indy steals it from the tomb raiders in order to donate it to a museum.   The men give chase, Indy gets punched and gives punches, meets up with the Sheriff who demands that Indy turns the cross over to rightful owner.  One of the men tells Indy he doesn't have to lump it and maybe there will be a next time then he plops a fedora on Indy's head.

Cut to 1938 as Indy is getting punched for stealing the same cross again, the owner is most annoyed and tries to have him pitched overboard in the sea but the waves cause some serious chop, giving Indy a fighting chance.  Pummeling the bad guys, stealing the cross back and the boat blew up, Jones makes his way back to Marshall College, to tell and show off the cross to Marcus Brody.  

So you drag all men down to see coffins or am I the first?

Later that day getting mail from Venice, Indy attends an prestigious party with a wealthy collector Walter Donovan (Julian Glover of The Fourth Protocol, Cry Freedom, Hearts of Fire, The House of Angelo and Game of Thrones) who asks Jones to assist them in a new expedition to finding the Holy Grail.  The Cup of Christ that caused the Crusades.  Jones tells Donovan that his father Professor Henry Jones (Sean Connery of Dr. No, From Russia with Love, Thunderball, The Anderson Tapes, Highlander, The Rock and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) is the foremost expert on Christian theology and he is Donovan's man.  Donovan states they did contract Professor Jones and have not heard from him for some time.
 Brody and Indy check Henry's home to find the place torn apart looking at mail.  Indy looks at the small parcel in his pocket to discover it is his father's Grail diary.  40 years of research has lead this man to uncovering the location of the Grail.   As Brody and Jones head to Venice it is all too painfully obvious that the Nazis are searching for the Grail on behalf of Hitler.  Can Indy find his father and the Grail before the Nazis plunge the known world into darkness?

And now some fun facts and trivia about the flick.  This is Spielberg's favorite of the three Indy movies.  Writer Tom Stoppard (Brazil, Empire in the Sun, Shakespeare in Love and Anna Karenina) was paid $120,000 for the dialogue between Henry and Indy on the Zeppelin, in the castle and on the road.  His job was to make it emotional but no sentiment, a disconnection between father and son but at the same time the conversation should have a humorous attachment to it.  Based on its success, Stoppard was paid an additional $1 million.
After working with him on The Mosquito Coast, Ford nominated River Phoenix for the role of Young Indy based on his professionalism, preparation and honing of the craft.
Character actor/stuntman Pat Roach has been in three Indy movies as the German Mechanic Indy fights in Raiders of the Lost Ark, The behemoth Thuggee in the Temple of Doom and finally a member of the Gestapo in the Last Crusade.  At 6'5", shoulders as wide as a doorway and barrel chested, he is quite difficult to miss.   Also tangled with Connery in Never Say Never Again.

Rameirez??!!  But you died in 1541!

Dirty Harry Week: Sudden Impact

Hey there folks and welcome to Day 4 of the Dirty Harry Week.  We are finishing up here because my copy of The Dead Pool VHS died horribly in a move 9 years previously.  I would much rather catch up with Callahan and his ability to attract danger and craziness all the while solving what appears to be random homicides.  This time around Eastwood is beyond and in front of the camera which sounds like a complicated adult film maneuver but he is directing as well as acting.  This is Sudden Impact.

This is my "You've really stepped in it" face.

Chief Lester Jannings: So you're the famous Harry Callahan. So I'm going to tell you two things. We don't have any spoilers in this town and we don't need any from you. Got it?
Harry Callahan: Aye-aye, sir.

Callahan is getting razed by a judge due to yet another unreasonable search and seizure and the little pukes get to walk.  They snark on Callahan in the elevator and Harry sets them straight by terrifying them with size and snarl.   No sooner is he back on the streets he interrupts a robbery at his favorite diner by smoking three of the four scumbags and tells the surviving punk to make his day.  The smart lad drops his pistol and gives up.  Disrupting a stakeout of an alleged crime boss Threlkis at his granddaughter's wedding, the slime finds out he actually has a heart as it fails on him and he vapor locks.  Couldn't happen to a nicer guy in this writer's opinion and Harry agrees.

Difference of opinions.

Callahan's superiors are teed off at the actions of the inspector leading to this heart attack and  grumble at his methods demanding Harry takes a vacation rather than they suspend him.
No sooner is Harry on vacation that four of Threlkis's men try to ambush him leading to three of them having holes inside them the size of cantaloupe and one managed to escape.  Lt. Donnelly (Michael Currie of Dark Shadows, Soap, Halloween III: Season of the Witch, The Dead Pool and Dying Time) gives Harry an assignment to San Paulo where a previous homicide used to live so Harry is to do some background checking and then report back.  Meanwhile in San Paulo a similiar homicide that occured in San Francisco happens.  Harry digs deeper in spite of Chief Jennings (Pat Hingle of Invitation to a Gunfighter, Hang 'Em High, Nightmare Honeymoon, Batman and Batman Returns) grumblings.
  
Harry starts to fall for an artist with a dark past, Jennifer (Sondra Locke of The Outlaw Josey Wales, The Gauntlet, Every Which Way But Loose, Bronco Billy and Any Which Way You Can) but the clock is ticking as the homicides keep piling up in this small town.  I think Death and Harry have an agreement or understanding.

I had just some fun trivia on the movie.  This would be the eleventh movie Eastwood directed and the only Dirty Harry Movie Eastwood directed.  Furthermore, this is the first Dirty Harry film that Harry does not have a partner backing him up and still remains the highest-grossing of the Dirty Harry franchise.

I use this one for bears and kids blaring their hip hop.

Dirty Harry Week: Magnum Force

Welcome back to Day 2 of Dirty Harry Week.  Today is one of my personal favorites out of the batch.  Homicides are piling up in the old town of San Francisco, which is nothing new but this time around the victims may all have something in common and it is up to Harry to figure out what is going on and how to stop it.  This is Magnum Force.

Scram Mormons!!!

Harry Callahan:  The rest of you could shoot like them, I wouldn't care if the whole damn department was spoiler.



Mobster Ricca gets acquitted due to a technicality in the case and is off on the road when a traffic cop pulls him over.  No sooner is he done looking at the driver's ID he comes back and wastes all three men in the car at point blank range.

Inspector Callahan and his partner Early Smith (Felton Perry of The Towering Inferno, Sudden Death, Down and Out in Beverly Hills, Robocop and Robocop 2) have been lifted from Homicide to a stake out duty on a kingpin when their Lieutenant, Neil Briggs (Hal Holbrook of All the President's Men, Lincoln, Midway, The Fog and The Bachelor) has Ricca and crew's homicides looked into and Harry is just the man to stick the job with.   Early and Harry look over the Lincoln and get the ballistics and corner reports while an house party of a known scumbag gets gunned down, guests and all.

Doing anything tonight, bright eyes?

As Callahan and Smith pursue the case, a known pimp is also smoked like turkey at close range but Harry notices the pimp's cash is available like a bribe to a traffic cop.  Later that day Callahan meets four rookie traffic cops with impeccable aim at the gun range.  Turns out all four men are former Airborne Rangers and chose to carry the good fight on in civvie life via police.

I had just a few comments to make about this film.  This is the second of the Dirty Harry series as was directed by Ted Post (Gunsmoke, Rawhide, Hang 'Em High, Peyton Place and Beneath the Planet of the Apes).  Our four rookies are played by David Soul (Here Come the Brides, Starsky and Hutch, Salem's Lot and Tides of War) Tim Matheson (Animal House, 1941, Fletch, Cannonball Fever, Trial & Error and Burn Notice) Kip Niven (Earthquake, Damnation Alley, New Year's Evil and The Painting), who I didn't immediately recognize and lastly but certainly not least Robert Urich (SWAT, Vegas, Spencer: For Hire and Night of the Wolf).

 With a fast pace, disturbing content and a bit of nudity this hard hitting action film pushed boundaries and make us root for Harry yet again.

JUST PAY THE PARKING FINE!!!!

Dirty Harry Week: Dirty Harry

Hey kids and welcome to Day 1 of Dirty Harry Week.  The saga of Inspector Callahan and his Smith and Wesson Model 29 .44 Magnum.  Personally anything over a .357 Python seems to be a bit much but hey this cat can one hand it so more power to him.  A different breed of cop is needed for the streets of the 1970's.  One that has the stomach to dish it out as much as he takes.  So hand me that oil, prep me some hollow points and cover your ears.  This is Dirty Harry.

HANDS AT TEN AND TWO!!!

De Georgio: Morning, Harry.
Morning, fatso. Spoiler wants to see you.
De Georgio: You are a sweet man, Harry.



A serial killer roams the street of San Francisco and prowls its rooftops with a sniper rifle.  He calls himself Scorpio (Andrew Robinson of Barnaby Jones, Cobra, Hellrasier, Shoot to Kill, Child's Play 3 and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) and seems to murder at random or when it suits his purpose.  He demands $100,000 dollars from the Mayor's office or his next target will be a priest or a n*gger.  The Mayor (John Vernon of Point Blank, Topaz, The Outlaw Josey Wales and  Animal House) wants this handled with care as they are not about to pay an assassin to not kill deeming it terrorism and asks Inspector Callahan (Clint Eastwood of Rawhide, Fistful of Dollars, Magnum Force, Sudden Impact, Heartbreak Ridge and Unforgiven) to defuse this situation with subtly and diplomacy.

Oh yes, he looks completely sane.

Harry's Lieutenant, Bressler (Harry Guardino of Houseboat, Pork Chop Hill, The Five Pennies and The Enforcer) is a bit of a kiss ass, easy going with the brown nosers and has no issues with the press conferences but must have an ulcer the size of a softball with Harry's pension for attracting wackos, weirdos and scumbags.
Our villain is stepping up the game as he kidnaps a girl to make up for being shot at by Harry after a foiled attempt on a priest's life.  The first face-to-face meeting with Scorpio, he comes alone and unarmed.  Scorpio kicks hims, taunts him about he may kill the girl anyway and Harry stabs the slime with a switchblade.  Only to start the dance all over again.

I have just a few comments to make at this time. The National Film Registry deemed this film historically and culturally significant for a full restoration in 2012.

Andrew Robinson's portrayal of Scorpio was so effective that he had to get an unlisted number after several death threats from mail and phone.  Wonder if Kane Hodder is approached with axes, hammers and pitchforks for being an effective Jason Vorhees.  Robinson ad-libbed his line"My, that's a big one" aimed at Harry's hand cannon and the scene had to be reshot due to laughing crew.   Eastwood performed all his own stunts, even leaping onto the roof of the bus.  Guess he's no sissy.

Get back in your seats and STOP DOING THE WAVE!!

Larson 80s TV Week: Magnum P.I.

Hiya kiddies and welcome back for another helping of Larson 80’s TV Week.   Boy I make the weeks longer and more confusing than Mapquest directions.  This time around I thought we would find us another tough guy with even better hair, better build and rocking a solid mustache.  He hails from Hawaii though sounds like he is from Chicago.  This is Magnum P.I.

Yeah a delicious shake and a two hour workout.

Mac: Time has little do with spoiler and jelly donuts.

Based in Honolulu Hawaii our shameless shamus stays at the palatial Robin’s Nest Estate owned by world acclaimed novelist Robin Masters…who is never ever at this amazing crib.  Seriously, I have never seen this cat appear in any episode.   It was eluded in the pilot episode that our flatfoot Thomas Magnum (Tom Selleck of Daughters of Satan, 3 Men and a Baby, An Innocent Man, The Closer, Friends, Jesse Stone: Stone Cold and Blue Bloods) had done Masters a serious favor…guess he hid all the dead hookers that one time in Vegas…anyway apparently since Masters is nowhere on the premises he allows Magnum the run of the roost if you will including being about to roll up in a GORGEOUS Ferrari 308 GTS and probably raids the wine cellar for the good stuff.  

Whadda mean I ain't rocking the Bogart?? Jerks.

Between his cases he has to contend with Masters’ groundskeeper, butler and all around handyman John Higgins (John Hillerman of Blazing Saddles, Chinatown. At Long Last Love, Ellery Queen and Valerie) a former British Army Sergeant Major who was the model of a major general who has information, vegetable, animal and mineral…oh wait, no sorry that’s The Pirates of Penzance.   Higgins patrols the grounds with two horrible abominations before the eyes of the Lord, Doberman Pinschers named Zeus and Apollo.   I guess one is faster than lightning and sleeps with anything that moves and the other is very sunny. 

Aside from his daily grind with Higgins, Magnum’s…associates…cohorts???  Ah screw it, his sidekicks.    One is T.C.  Calvin (Roger E. Mosley of Hit Man, Cruise Into Terror, The Jericho Mile, Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper, Letters from a Killer and FCU: Fact Checkers Unit), former Marine recon now tourist helicopter pilot for the island and their buddy Rick Right (Larry Manetti of Sudden Death, Black Sheep Squadron, Battlestar Galactica, Swamp Thing and Hawaii Five-0) also former Marine recon that now owns Rick’s Place a nice homage to Casablanca and hey, who doesn’t love Bogart?    To give the show a nice throwback to the 30’s dimestore detective Magnum does a lot of narrative in each case giving it humorous content in the midst of even the most dire of situations.

I had just a few points about the show now.   It has been established that Magnum and his buddies are from the same Vietnam outfit but we never saw any of them using Marine takedowns, martial arts or handle their firearms in that level of training.  However, this show was the first portrayal of Vietnam vets in a positive light and that has to count for something there alone.  It was hinted at that the producers wanted Orson Welles to appear as the enigmatic Robin Masters but sadly he passed away shortly after voice acting in Transformers: The Movie as the planet devouring Unicron.    

With the series lasting 9 years, a bevy of female and male clients and a memorable TV intro theme, Selleck was proud to be a part of TV history but only after the writers laxed his character a bit instead of making him too smooth and lady killer but more of a down to Earth jock type.

What's wrong with my shirt?