Little Dead Rotting Hood

Happy Veterans Day!   No I will not be reviewing a war picture, TV series or Video Game depicting war.   It's cliche' and several fans that are veterans got tired of that in 2015, so we are going to an Asylum Pictures instead.  Yes, Asylum Pictures. The folks that brought you Z Nation, Sharknado, Atlantic Rim and more than a few mock busters are have a flick that caught my eye. So monsters roaming in a tiny woodland town and only a family curse can keep these wolves from huffing, puffing and knocking down your door. This is Little Dead Rotting Hood. 

 

Miss Jackson if you're nasty.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An ancient family curse keeps the bad things at bay of the small town of Stillwater Pennsylvania (What looks like Santa Clarita, California) and it takes its toll on them all.  Going to Grandmother's house we go as we meet Marina Sirtis?? (The Return of Sherlock Holmes, Waxwork II: Lost in Time, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Gargoyles, Star Trek: Generations, Star Trek: First Contact, Stargate SG-1, Star Trek: Insurrection, Paradise Lost, Star Trek: Voyager, Terminal Error and Net Games) is Esmeralda Whitfield. A young girl, Samantha (Bianca A.Santos of Ouija, Happyland, The DUFF, Dream Americano, The Fosters, Priceless, Happily Never After and Avenge the Crows) was on her way to Grandmother's house only to be savaged by wolves.  The girl dies from severe blood loss and Grandma Whitfield just buries her in the friggin' woods!  Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!!   Before Sam dies, Grandma tells her she has to protect the people of the town and it is her turn to do such.   THEN FRIGGIN' BURIES HER!!!  All this in the first five minutes of the movie by the way.  YEAH!   Well there's a red hood, a blade, a bloodletting and an oath offered but STILL!!!

 

Gurgle...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 The Sheriff (Eric Balfour of 24, Veritas: The Quest, Six Feet Under, Haven, Dinoshark, Skyline and Agenda: Payback) and Deputy Henry (Patrick Muldoon of Melrose Place, Starship Troopers, Stigmata, Red Team, Blackwoods, Project Viper, Ice Spiders, Christmas Town, Repo, Days of Our Lives and Badge of Honor) found Grandma lifeless and they can't imagine why she committed suicide. I agree.   Picard is a much better series than the critics say.   Samantha's boyfriend, Danny (Lil' Romeo Miller of Honey, All Grown Up, Romeo!, The Pig People, Madea's Witness Protection, How To Rock, The Love Letter, Frat Brothers and Brotherly Love) hasn't heard a thing from her since last night. Sure it's a small town and nothing is every really gone crazy but his Spidey senses start tingling and runs to the Sheriff.

 

 Let's be fair to the Sheriff. The most he has to contend with is probably kids having booze bonfires, screwing on lover's lane and issuing speeding tickets.  A missing person's report could just sound like an overprotective boyfriend but he says he will tell folks to keep an eye out for her and he'll keep Danny in the loop.  In reality, Danny would have to wait 48 hours overall, so yeah better universe for this instance.  

 Danny starts hitting the school, Sam's house and leaving messages on her phone all to nothing. Yeah it is this point you try your level best to not freak out like you really really want to.   Night time looming and Sam digs her way out of her grave, sporting claws and black contact lenses. Well that can't be good.   

 But enough of that, it's party time! Get yer drink on! Yes the typical teenager horror film tropes are at the ready.  We'll have drunken jockos tormenting the nerds, body shots, couples sneaking off to screw their brains out in the woods.   All the classics.   Enough debauchery to raise Jason Voorhees out of his lake of doom and start racking a body count.  Thankfully none of the kids are near Crystal Lake or Forrest Green or whatever it is called now.  Danny is getting hit on at the party while he is still checking his phone to see if Sam called him back.  Trust me, whatever he is drinking is not calming his mood at all.

 

Psst.. kid, you gotta get me out of this flick.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 And before you even hit me up with the messages, yes guys there's some titty.    God, you have no idea how sick I am of that question.  STOP LEAVING THAT MESSAGE!!!   Sorry ladies, it is a query I have to field every other Horror movie.  Upside?  You're probably never gonna have to date these guys. I know that isn't much of a bonus but that's what I had. 

Shockingly enough a wolf is out and about, prowling and gobbling up a teen like McDonald's french fries. Guess someone better call the Sheriff. Crazy part is loud music, fires going and a lot of kids does not make a lone wolf suddenly go apeshit.   Science fact!  They're pack hunters and don't go after people unless they are starving.   Sheriff and Deputy Henry are creeped out, call for State troopers for back up because they know they'll have to do a grid search.  Plus those pesky Sasquatch and Nachzehers are going to make their move next. 

 State trooper Victoria (5-time Emmy Award winner Heather Tom of The Young and the Restless, One Life to Live, Ugly Betty, The Bold and the Beautiful, Lucifer and Animal Among Us) and her partner are backing up the sheriff all the while they are still befuddled why Mrs. Whitfield killed herself. Victoria gives us some exposition talking about Whitfield being a staple of the town, a living legend if you will.   Teens dropping faster than Trump's rating approval and the Sheriff is still thinking it is just a few wolf encounters, so he gathers a search and rescue team of the local yokels.   Yes arm them with guns and let's go into the woods at sundown.  Boy that can't end in bloodshed at all.  Didn't you see Silver Bullet, Sheriff? 

With a spooky intro of Becky Sanders (Amy Argyle of Hard Love, Blood Effects, Adopting Terror, Illegal, Grooming Giselle, Frank & Lola, Moon Creek Cemetery and Parker's Anchor), it is pretty obvious who the Alpha is and what is going on. Or is she?.. She has a little cat and mouse chat with the Sheriff and he can almost get the vibe she's not on the up and up. 

Will Sam be able to fulfill her destiny? Can the town be saved? How many of the folk will be on the buffet? 

 

 

 

With all the negative critics on this flick I would point out what it does have versus what it lacks. Some excellent drone footage over the treetops, a decent story idea about nature against humanity, a solid cast, good direction and editing.   I really don't understand why my fellow critics are tossing this wolf story under the bus.  I guess they were expecting it to have Rick Baker's work like in The Howling or American Werewolf in London. Perhaps they were hoping for it to surpass Dog Soldiers in SFX and gore. 

What we have is a smaller budget that still comprised of extras, animal handlers, POV shots, faux wolf heads for the close-up blocking shots and a heroine to the likes of Buffy.   Actual wolves were used but there were no real rounds fired.   Muzzle flashes and gun shots sounds were all added in post-production.   I have a feeling most of those firearms were Airsoft pellet guns too.  At the end of the day, this is a popcorn flick with a bit of gore, decent one-liners and an interesting story. 

 

Girl, you tryin' to get a brother killed?

 

Italian Dark Universe: Monster Dog

I bid you greetings and usher you back to Italian Dark Universe because...shared universes always turn out well. Look at AVP and Freddy Vs Jason. Such cinematic delights they were. Y'know I have witnessed titanic tainted turds. I have waded through some putrified piles of puppy poop and then there is this movie. What do you get when you cross the Godfather of Horror Rock with an illustrious Italian Horror director?! Well normally if we were speaking of Mario Bava, Dario Argento or Lucio Fulci I would say an awesome sauce of film making. Alas, we have none of those men up to bat. Hell we don't even have Bruno Mattei at the helm. Nope, instead we got Troll 2's own Claudio Fargasso (Women's Prison Massacre, Rats: Night of Terror, Cop Game, Zombi 3, Strike Commando 2 and Shocking Dark). This is Monster Dog a.k.a. The Bite and Lord of the Dogs.

Welcome to Alice's Contractual Nightmare...

OoO scary music with a red background and title fonts. Now I am not expecting gold but honestly this film feels like I didn't get coal in my stocking as much as a heaping collection of reindeer crap. Of all music sensations, Vince Raven (Alice Cooper of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Roadie, Prince of Darkness, Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare, Wayne's World and Dark Shadows) is finished with his latest rock video (that was when MTV stood for Music Television, younger readers) and his girlfriend Sandra (Victoria Vera of Rosalia, Canas y barro, Rebeldia, Under Seige, Black Jack, Freddie of the Jungle and Private Crimes) alongside the film crew of said video suggest they film in Vince's hometown for the next hit off his latest album. We are in 1984, people. This kind of welcome home would be pitchforks and torches, possibly some Latin chanting while waving bibles and/or crucifixes.

Sheriff Bluto and Deputy Andy Gibb patrol the streets.

Former schoolmate and childhood chum is now Sheriff Morrison (Ricardo Palacios of Ragan, El Condor, Secret Intentions, The Man Called Noon, The House on Garabaldi Street and The Beasts' Carnival) greets Vince but warns him of the late night shooting would be problematic as there have been vicious dog attacks and they should stay on their toes. Now the fact there are 5 crew members shooting this video really bugged me and proved once again Fargasso had next to no budget. Seriously, five people working on a professional video shoot?

No sooner the main cast has been warned in lesser Crazy Ralph tradition, the law of the town is killed by the wild dogs. They ate the sheriff and the deputy!!! Now who will confiscate pot from teens or leer and peep on the kids at Make Out Point?!

I'm gonna drive the hell out of this scene.

The jaunt to the house is interrupted when the driver accidentally runs over a German Shepard with jump cuts. Not wanting it to suffer another single minute of being in this film I mean in pain, Vince cracks its skull with a rock. As the crew is paused of the death an old man spattered in blood attacks them announcing they will all die and then flees to the woods. So if we are to believe this lycanthrope can shapeshift...why a German Shepard? Also was his clothes nearby or do they just shift up inside of him when he is in dog form? Well the cast splits up and you know what happens from there.

Vince thinks he was bit at some point in the film and tells Sandra he cannot live that nightmare of chasing parked cars and licking his balls all the while not falling off the couch.

Other than unusual film choices, Alice Cooper may have created 26 albums, 48 singles, 11 live albums and 21 compilation albums. Six of which went platinum in the US and 2 additional went gold.

With the typical lack of continuity, editing and just decent storytelling, this film had potential. I am still curious how a rocker got dressed like a soccer dad between shoots but that was the least of my worries.

Alice Cooper has been dubbed over with a guy that sounds like he is trying desperately to be a hybrid of Raymond Burr and Edward Mannix. The blocking was terrible, the werewolf was an dry ice shrouded puppet and the rest of the cast is Italian with the exception of Cooper. Cast and directed by Italians, shot in Spain you get the feeling it was never meant for the land of the living. While the musical score was genuinely creepy, the pace was fair I would recommend this film to MST3K or IncognitoCinema Warriors XP for riffing delight.

Grr.  This is the best the puppet could do.  Grr.

TV Titanics: Supernatural Season 6

And we are back. Sorry for the very insanely short week of Cult Classics. Aside from random WiFi I have no real connection until funds get to me and I get Cox Cable up and running. Bright side is I am out at a coffee shop scrolling down the events of this season. TV Titanics is the name of the week. Hey more than welcome to come up with better titles as I check on those wacky hunters, the Brothers of Winchester. This is Supernatural Season 6.

Beer is best enjoyed in a flashback.. That's just science.

A quick highlight as Sam and Dean managed to get Lucifier into his cage it meant Sam had to go with him as he was possessed by Michael. Oh and their half brother was possessed by the Morningstar as well. Yup lot of CGI, practical effects, wire work and me wondering how Dean can even walk let alone hunt as both fellas are dragged to the Pit. Dean is all alone with a lovely lady Lisa (Cindy Sampson of Supernatural, Being Human, Charlie Zone, Camion, Long Gone Day, Rookie Blue, Rogue and Private Eyes) and her son Ben trying to lead the "Apple Pie" life he and Sam laughed about ever having. He's a grease monkey, a surrogate dad and a decent man to Lisa buUuuUuut....this is Supernatural so creatures, ghoulies and ghasts are bound to be afoot.

Oh no, Father Kibbler is under the possession of the evil lamp!

Being unable to sleep after having Lisa for the night (Still confused on the having energy afterwards) Dean thinks he noticed something and is in fact attacked by of all things, a Djinn (Genie) and no it is nowhere near as friendly as the late Robin Williams genie. Less pop culture references too. Dean is saved by of all people, Sam?! Sayeth Whaaaat???!!! Sam proceeds to tell Dean he got out of the Pit a little over a year ago and thought it best to just continue hunting but not drag big brother back into it.

So he hooks up with the Campbells (Their mother's side of the family) with a couple of cousins Gwen (Jessica Heafey of Ciao Bella, Four Extraordinary Women, M.V.P., Supernatural, Baby Sellers, FSM, Homeworld: Deserts of Kharak and iZombie), Mark (David Paetkau of Final Destination 2, Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem, Man of Steel, Flashpoint and The Space Between) and Christian (Corin Nemec of Tucker: The Man and His Dream, Parker Lewis Can't Lose, Drop Zone, Stargate SG-1, Mansquito, Dragon Wasps, Rise of the Dinosaurs, Robocroc, Sand Sharks, Lake Placid vs. Anaconda, Star Trek: Renegades and Renegades). Oh yeah and the man in charge of this hunting hootenany is Sam's namesake, Samuel Campbell (Mitch Pileggi of Three O' Clock High, Return of the Living Dead II, Alien Nation, Falcon Crest, Dallas, The X-Files, Supernatural, Stargate Atlantis, The Batman, Sons of Anarchy and Kings of Con) who died before either of the boys where born...is on his feet directing battle and barking orders. Huh?

That was no raccoon.

Nobody is questioning Sam being alive or Samuel back from the grave or what in tarnation is a goin' on??!! So Castiel checks in on the brothers and asks for their help as it would appear that some of the more dangerous artifacts of Heaven have gone missing. Maybe sold off, maybe tossed about for the talking monkeys to find, who can say for certain? With vampires rampant, mysterious deaths, a few demons here and there, the boys are quite busy and yeah Cas has long since earned their trust.

Crowley (Mark Sheppard of Soldier of Fortune, Inc, Sliders, Firefly, 24, Burn Notice, Battlestar Galactica, Doctor Who, Leverage, White Collar, Warehouse 13 and MacGyver) still teasing and tormenting Bobby Singer but he will work away around losing his soul plus pimp slap Crowley as well. Bobby is a sharp cookie. This season brings something the others did not and the closeness of the brothers,the elder monsters (or the first of their kind) are coming to a head, the disturbing thought of being a husk (soulless body) and some fairy tale creatures as well. Well done Season 6, well done indeed.

That does not seem like proper child health care.

Aimless Adulteration: Dylan Dog: Dead of Night

Hey folks, welcome back for more Aimless Adulteration as we jump back to that far off time of 2011. Oh so long ago he says with oodles of sarcasm. I felt that I have not done a popular comic book any justice. I have read this series ever since Dark Horse Comics translated it from Italian to English. From the creator/writer Tiziano Sclavi (Nero, Cemetery Man a.k.a. Dellamorte Dellamore, Dylan Dog, Vittima degli eventi a.k.a. Dylan Dog - Victim of Circumstances and DYLAN) comes the story of a investigator whose life to a downward spiral. This is Dylan Dog: Dead of Night.

I am ruggedly handsome, aren't I?

Before we get into this, I am aware of several nay sayers of this film because it was too Americanized or the fact that Dylan's sidekick was NOT Groucho Marx as it was in the comic in 1986. Well actually he was batcrap crazy and thought he was Groucho and even managed to pull off the shtick. That being said, I had a blast with this film. Okay on with the review.  An down and out investigator Dylan Dog (Brandon Routh of Superman Returns, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, Fling, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Chuck, Arrow, The Flash and Legends of Tomorrow) encounters something of his past haunting him and telling him he needs to get back into "that line of work" again. Set in New Orleans, our would-be hero's conscience is nagging away at him and what he should be doing. His gopher/assistant Marcus (Sam Huntington of Detroit Rock City, Superman Returns, Fanboys, Being Human, The Throwaways, Sully and Finding Sofia) is pleading to being made a full partner and do some real investigations, not just developing film and getting groceries.

So I didn't have Buffy's number so I called you.

The new client Elizabeth Ryan's (Anita Briem of Doctors, The Nun, Doctor Who, The Evidence, Cold Trail, The Tudors and Journey to the Center of the Earth) father was killed and she has been scoffed at by the cops because she believes the killer was supernatural in the sense it was a werewolf that killed her father. Yeah got to admit, I would be a trifle skeptical too. Marcus looks about in the strange and weird happenings of New Orleans and gets killed. Yup right in the office.

Dylan grabs a forensics kit, some firearms and dons his familiar red shirt, black jacket and blue jeans and is back on the paranormal investigations. After confirming a werewolf was around the house, Dylan stops off at the morgue to pick Marcus up. Y'see Marcus is now a zombie. But not a flesh eating ghoul moaning brains braaaains (Thank you ever so much Dan O' Bannon of Return of the Living Dead. Putz.) but finds out that the undead life is like a medical condition...that is treatable?

Meanwhile the hottest club in town, the Corpus House (subtle as a grenade landing in your oatmeal) is a vampire haven providing drink, merriment and a designer drug comprised of vampire blood giving humans a super human high, strength and a primal need to breed and fight. Sorry Crack, you're yesterday's news. Master vampire Vargas (Taye Diggs of How Stella Got Her Groove Back, Go, The Best Man, House on Haunted Hill, Ally McBeal, Private Practice, Baggage Claim and The Best Man Holiday) is smooth, charismatic and scheming to make the breathers (humans) his slaves and take over the world. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Yeah, that old chestnut. Seriously, how about creating your own hobo blood bank system around the world to appease your elders or cash in on long-term investments. Always with the world domination with these cats.

Man, Zuul is butt ugly first thing when he wakes up.

Dylan still wary of days gone past, chats up the alpha werewolf in the meat packing district. Hehe little pig, little pig come be porkchops for four. Eldest werewolf Gabriel Cysnos (Peter Stormare of Fargo, The Lost World: Jurassic Park II, The Big Lebowski, 8 MM, Armageddon, Dark Summer, Strange Magic and Arrow) is nervous for the power struggle of the city and fears he may have to assert himself against the vampires if things are moving in the direction they are.

Can Dylan figure out what's going on? How funky does Marcus smell? Is Elizabeth the helpless client or the Femme Fatale?

Love the fact that WCW/WWF wrestling champion Kurt Angle gets to be Gabriel's son and werewolf. It was a nice touch. Now I am aware of a 2014 Italian film following much closer to the comic...oh excuse me, graphic novel. Vittima degli eventi a.k.a. Dylan Dog - Victim of Circumstances and what the hell, I will give it the once over.

Yup so much for the vampires not crossing thresholds.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Sequels: Howling III: Marsupials

Howdydoodlydoo!!!! So that was some fun-filled sequels we have been through, huh? Oh wait, no they weren't. Still they could have been worse. Many have complained about Howling II: Sister is a Werewolf given its plot holes, inconsistencies and Sybil Danning's copious topless and nude scenes. But c'mon...Reb Brown was 1970's Captain America and Sir Christopher Lee was Dracula back-to-back smoking werewolves that...looked really cheesy and nothing of Rick Baker's amazing SFX. This is Howling III a.k.a. Marsupials: The Howling III.

Dress me in a coat will ya??!!

Back with director Phillippe Mora (The Beast Within, A Breed Apart, Communion, Art Deco Detective, Richard III, Mercenary II: Thick & Thin and Strange Matters) and ONCE AGAIN sadly I start recognizing people because I have seen some serious piles of monkey squirt. Well let's dive right into this tour de force. Deep within the Australian Outback, werewolves have evolved divergent from any other lupine and morphed into marsupials...yup I didn't just mess with you all, female werewolves developing pouches for holding the young. 

Anthropologist Harry Beckmeyer (Barry Otto of Benny Hill Down Under, Case for the Defence, Tickled Pink, Norman Loves Rose, Undercover,The Punisher and The Paper Man) managed to score grainy footage filmed in "1905" of Aborigines burning and stabbing a wolf creature and shows his classroom. Kinda surreal except it is clearly shot with a higher def VHS used for broadcasting at the time.

No sooner is the class dismissed plot convenience number two appears in the form of a series of reports of werewolf attacks in Russia giving Beckmeyer the belief of a widespread of Commie Lycanthropes hell bent on taking over the world and attempts to get hold of the President. Yeah that goes over well as he explains to the President about werewolves and points out that strange things exist all over the world. The President vows to send Beckmeyer back to Sydney, Australia but he needs to keep the commander-in-chief clued in on the werewolf phenomenon.

I'm far too excited!!!

A doofy American name of Donny (Lee Biolos of Les Patterson Saves the World, The Year My Voice Broke, Dark City and Candy Regentag) is on location to scout filming regions and local talent for a Werewolf film Shapeshifters Part 8 bumps into a striking girl Jerboa (Playing Beatie Bow, Vietnam, Future Past, Crossbow, Strapless, Candy Regentag, Flair and Queen of the Damned) bumps into Donny and he tells her she would be perfect to play a werewolf (wink wink) so they are off to the director to get her spotlight a goin'.

Plans to move on the impeding werewolf infestation is allowing paramilitary and military divisions to join up with financial aid from the Vatican blessing silver for rounds and start mounting preemptive strikes after the few they have captured and interrogated to get the location they live in.

Will Beckmeyer allow the werewolves to be destroyed?? Will the military succeed??

Okay the effects are really less than. Gore effects were fair but the werewolf appliances are pretty hokey and even the giant werewolf head looked like a giant boar or pig. Turns out the head prop was from the 1984 flick Razorback so yup fuzzy pig. Using a polarizing filter, all the background colors looked amazing in spite of this film was a bit on the silly. Basing the werewolves of Australia is on the extinct Tasmanian Wolf as it was lupine and marsupial. Other than that, I was a tad bored.  The only of the Howling series that fell under PG-13.

These fellows stabbed a cosplayer. Savages.

Animals

Well we are back and this time I am tackling a random title via werewolf movie that I have never heard of and that sound perfectly safe. After all, Vampire Chicks with Chainsaws certainly wasn't a vast disappointment...when it ended. Thankfully I recognize a few actors of this film so already I am feeling a bit better. Will this be an episodic primal level that was the original The Howling and An American Werewolf in London, or will I get something of The Howling II: Striba Bitch? This is Animals.

Geez, Buffy is drunk again.  Just run a tab. I'll pay it later.

We open with a narrative of animality vs humanity bringing us right to our opening credits. A quick pace perhaps but we'll just have to see. Our story focuses mostly on Jarrett (Marc Blucas of Summer Catch, We Were Soldiers, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, First Daughter, After Sex, Knight and Day, Necessary Roughness and Blue Bloods) who peaked in his high school football days, now spends his time working a crappy job busting rock at a concrete plant, getting hammered at the bar his buddy runs. Jarrett's football days ended when he got injured against the Eagles and he had no further plans in life. This particular night the fish aren't really biting when through the door walks in Nora (Nicki Aycox of Providence, Jeepers Creepers II, Ed, Over There, The X-Files: I Want to Believe, Joy Ride 2: Dead Ahead, Supernatural and The Employer) with a sultry look, a devil may care attitude and screams trouble.

Is that Oil of Olay? 

Our little Nora apparently likes a good hunt as seen prior with these Girls Gone Wild schmucks conning her in Reno to get busy on camera. Let's just say the unedited footage might not be for any viewers that weren't heading for torture porn in the first place. That's not really Nora's problem though. Her biggest problem is her on again, off again mad as a box of cats boyfriend Vic (Naveen Andrews of Lost, The Ten Commandments, Planet Terror, Sinbad, Once Upon a Time in Wonderland and Sense8). Vic is brutal, vicious and quite possibly exudes more pheromones than most males. Understandable when (SPOILER) he happens to be a lycanthrope. Nora has attempted to leave him many times but he always ends up tracking her down and cutting a bloody swathe while doing it. Nora saunters in the bar and you already get the vibe she is on the prowl. Maybe for a meal and some company or maybe to embrace the beast within. Jarrett notices her but doesn't register that she would want him for anything aside from lugging firewood.

Taking the goof back they get a bit freaky when she bites Jarrett and then the real fun begins. What's interesting about this movie its the pace and tension does not sway, giving life to humanity struggling to keep that ever-lurking beast at bay. I am expecting Dark Wolf all over again, jiggly girls and really bad CGI but instead of that, we get a surprisingly suspenseful thriller with hints of passion and intelligently written. Will Jarrett be able to fight off his new urges and handle Vic or will Vic slaughter everyone Jarret holds dear?

Not gonna lie here, there are problems with the movie. First 30 minutes feels a bit off and establishing characters is not a big priority aside from Vic bad and Jarret good fella. Not a huge fan of this weird CGI fish eye lens as the predator POV shot but that was their spin on it instead the cliche red lens on the camera. These blues and greens were an odd choice. That being said, Andrews steals the show as Vic and Blucas stuns me with his range of emotions in this film, I honestly thought he was just going to deliver dialogue with a stoic expression on his face, courtesy of the Keanu Reeves Range of Emotion School but he really impressed the hell out of me. Yes guys, there is gore. The red runs enough to feed a colony of vampires and yes there is some nudity so you are starved there either. It's clever and brings a different light on werewolves which I haven't seen successfully done in a while.

TUMMY RUMBLY!!!!

Sir Christopher Lee Week: The Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen for Day 3 of Sir Christopher Lee Week. Well it pains me to say that every so often even a great actor such as the gentleman of the week does find himself in the occasional stinker. Sayth whaaaaaat??? Surely not, Jake. Alas my readers it is so. Normally I do not sully a good man's work in this case, this particular flick has an cult following for some of the bizarre alterations to the mythos, the ever screaming, gun blasting Reb Brown and the voluptuous Sybil Danning. This is Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf.

No, no. Not Dracula this time around.

Attempting to directly follow the original (by the way, this is the only sequel in the series that bothers with that notion.) after the death of Karen White, who morphed on film and then her was shot during broadcast, her funeral is being attended by her brother... who was never mentioned in the previous film. Ben White (Reb Brown of Yor, the Hunter from the Future, Uncommon Valor, Space Mutiny, Big Wednesday, The Cage, Captain America, Captain America II: Death Too Soon, The Cage II and Night Claws) is a big, beefy guy that doesn't even know why his sister was murdered and somehow the station hushed up the whole on-air murder. Grief stricken Benis visited by his sister's colleague Jenny (Annie McEnroe of The Hand, Beetlejuice, Wall Street and True Stories) and an imposing man known as Stefan (Christopher Lee) who presents Ben with a video of her on-air transmografication and execution. Apparently they could not get the rights to Joe Dante's original footage so they had the re-create the wolfing out and it is MOST DEFINITELY not Rick Baker's brilliant transformation SFX and not even Dee Wallace of the original. The actress looks like a wookie getting pissed off and then splattered in her chair.

Ben calls BS and well I am inclined to agree. Stefan assures Ben that now that her body is ready to be placed in the ground she will no doubtlessly have the silver removed from her corpse and rise from beyond the grave... like she was a vampire. He furthermore tells Ben he will stake his dead sister... like a vampire and Ben storms off in a huff. Sheesh, who hasn't lost a loved one to a strange supernatural occurrence? At the mortuary, Stefan preps to stake away when Ben sneaks out of the shadows with a shotgun pointed at our 6'5 hero. It looks like curtains for Stefan when suddenly werewolves (kinda) appear at the mortuary and ambush the both of them. Ben blasts a few in his typical Reb Brown shouty way and Stefan still does in faux Karen.

Yeah the two reasons Sybil Danning got this part.

According to Stefan, only titanium can do in these particular werewolves that hail from Transylvania... like vampires. And suddenly silver, the basis of most werewolf mythos has been tossed aside for titanium??? Stefan warns Ben and Jenny that an ancient immortal vampire er um werewolf is poised to dominate the Earth unless they put a stop to it. Because Seal Team 3 through 6 were not available that day. Our immortal Striba (Sybil Danning of The Lady in Red Kills Seven Times, The Night of the Askari, Meteor, Chained Heat, Hercules, and Halloween) is not only a werewolf but a sorceress as well and has kept the town in fear feeds from young girls to replenish her beauty and strength...like a vampire again!!!   Will Stefan and gang arrive in time to do in this foul creature of the night? Why the hell is silver not an option? What's with the creepy dwarf? Dear God how many nude scenes are in this?

Quick few comments on the film.

Being cast for Gremlins 2: The New Batch, Lee apologized to Joe Dante who helmed the original The Howling for starring in its less than stellar sequel. Lee went for the role as he had not been in a werewolf movie... and I feel he still hadn't. This movie was released during the early 80s werewolf craze like: Wolfen, Full Moon Hight, Teen Wolf, The Company of Wolves and of course An American Werewolf in London.

The pee wee puppet heads for the creatures look as though they were filmed on a sound stage and then edited in with the odd paw to swing at the actors. The transformations are laughable, the plot weak and the mythos mangled. The only thing I really enjoyed out of this movie was the soundtrack written and performed by Stephen Parsons and the Punk Group Babel. Way too much boobage for the kiddies and I guess the violence but not so much for the blood and gore.

Werewolf or Cornelius from Planet of the Apes??

Werewolf Week: Dark Wolf

Hello there boys and girls and welcome back for Day 2 of Werewolf Week.  Well yesterday's picturesque portrayal was none too impressive but I have some hope in today's fur flying faithful.  One of my favorites of horror is crucial in it.  None other than Jason Vorhees/Victor Crowley himself Kane Hodder.   Note that both characters seems to be an unstoppable juggernaut of terror.  This is Dark Wolf.

She's just working her way through college.

20 seconds in to our flick and boom!  Topless bar.  No I am not kidding, the credits are still rolling and a bounty of breasts be roaming about... Yarrr, there be booty everywhere.   Ahem, moving right along, a substantial sized biker (Kane Hodder of Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, Trained to Kill, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Jason X, 2001 Maniacs, The Devil's Rejects and Hatchet) scoops up a topless dancer using her as a shield against the pursuing cops when his eyes start glowing red...  PCP perhaps???   They subdue him and then we are on subplot 2 as jealous boyfriend Tom (Aaron Van Wagner of Flip This House, City Guys and Days of Our Lives) and girlfriend's best friend Stacey (Andrea Bogart of The Last Run, Greed, Dark Ride, Bar Starz, Nite Tales: The Movie, Ready or Not and General Hospital) and youngin is griping how he never gets to see his independent, hard working girlfriend who is managing her life and not sponging off of him.  Hmm, boo hoo junior.

I can't get it back in the holster!

Cut to bread delivery van.. er um I mean paddy wagon to haul offender off when he morphs under the full moon getting two token black men kills and in the span of 30 seconds reduces them to ground chuck with scraps of clothes.  All that protein and no veggies??  Methinks he better regenerate or he is a serious bowel movement away from agony.

Officer McGowan (Jaime Bergman of Daybreak, Virgins, Soulkeeper, Son of the Beach, Pauly Shore Is Dead and Boa vs. Python) on the scene with her impromptu partner Steve (Ryan Alosio of Sliders, Providence, Without Charlie, General Hospital, Drifter and Days of Our Lives) who knows more about this crazed psycho that tore and ripped two cops apart, flew out the back of the paddy wagon and disappeared in the night.  I guess if your sexual organs are on the inside, you cannot believe in myths and legends like us penis folk.     Yes, it's all here.  Over the top acting, cliche story lines of relationships and the knowing of give and take and less we forget; chauvinistic tendencies that are so irksome enough to offend most guys let alone the women watching this.

The biggest shocker of this movie is Tippi Hedren is in it.  Yes, Tippi Hedren of The Birds, Marnie, The Man and the Albatross.  As a homeless character that knows all about the werewolves and these occasional hybrids that are mad as hatters and completely feral.  

Now some odd information on the film.  Our lead special effects makeup artist Molly Tissavary cut her teeth under porno shoot make-up.  I guess if you can glaze a butt you can make werewolves.  

Sasha Craig (Power Rangers Lightspeed Rescue, Power Rangers Lightspeed Rescue: Neptune's Daughter and Power Rangers Time Force) decided clearly it is time to up her career... by getting naked... in a werewolf movie.  Yeah I can just see the box office potential there.
 
Steven Williams (Mr. X from X-Files, Night Class, Route 666 and Rufus from Supernatural) didn't even get much of a speaking part before he was made second black token in this flick and he has a significant TV and film career that this concept was crap.   Bottom line is: The gore gags are effective but not very scary, what you see of the werewolf looks impressive but not up to Rick Baker, Tom Savini or Greg Nicotero, Howard Berger and Robert Kurtzman of K.N.B. EFX Group given it is mostly bad CGI and the lack of plot is supposed to be made up for in naked girls.  Quite the treat... if you are 12 and watching this on Skin-a-max.

Grr!!!  I'm bad CGI!!! Fear me!

Werewolf Week: Night Wolf

Hola readers of the macabre and mindless film reviews and welcome to Day 1 of Werewolf Week.  Be vewy vewy qwiet, we stalking werewolves...   Today's filmic is the tale of family and friends getting together because that what those youngsters do.  Party, annoy the inhabited supernatural and get us all dead!  Pesky kids I swear.  This is Night Wolf a.k.a. 13 Hrs.

Stay out of my poops!!!

Our leading lady Sarah Tyler (Isabella Amaryllis Charlotte Anstruther-Gough-Calthorpe of  Stage Beauty, How to Lose Friends & Alienate People, Trinity, Blooded and Fedz) has spent the last 2 years in L.A. and is returning to Jolly Ole England(and yes I am aware that some of my readers are from across the pond)  She arrives home in time to see the festivities of drink and debauchery in a barn of all places.  Oh right, secondary school kids and no means to procure a hotel.  So the noise continues up to the house when we are fed some tripe subplot on how Sarah's stepfather is accusing her mother that she is having an affair.  Her stepbrothers Stephen (Peter Gadiot of Hot Mess, Fresh Meat, Once Upon a Time in Wonderland and Matador) and Luke (Anthony De Liseo of Night Wolf, Shelfstackers and Remission) seem to be at odds with Sarah so there is a fair degree of shouting, swearing and the like.

Stephen's girlfriend Emily (Gemma Atkinson of Hollyoaks, In the City, Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3, Black Book, Baseline and How to Stop Being a Loser)  Draco Malfoy..er.. I mean Gary (Tom Felton of Anna and the King, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire, The Disappeared and Rise of the Planet of the Apes) tries to calm everyone down when the power goes out.  PLOT DEVICE!!!

Interruptis Vomitis!!

 Armed with a handful of flashlights our plucky youngsters find a substantial amount of blood at the top of the stairs.  Malfoy... Gary goes to look for candles... in the dark.   The group stumbles upon their now quite dead father Duncan (Simon MacCorkindale of Jaws 3-D, Manimal,  Falcon Crest, Poltergeist: The Legacy, Relic Hunter and Causalty) in his room which looks as if someone attacked him with either a lawn mower or a creature with staggering strength and savagery.     Will our cast make it through the night?  What is prowling around the grounds and how did it get in and out of the house?  Will Malfoy and Potter become allies?

A few comments at this time.   The overall dynamics of this movies seems to revolve around mixed family arguing in very large house, various stages of getting pickled and more squabbling.  The creature POV shots are well done but lack the real punch-up to ramp the terror factor they could have.  Our creature looks more of a naked mole rat rather than a werewolf and I heard this was compared to Dog Soldiers.   That laugh could be heard around my apartment complex.

 Director Johnathan Glendening who brought us delights like Strippers Vs Werewolves (I kid you not!) was trying to create a honest haunted house vibe/ trapped scared humans fighting for their lives creeper creature feature and well... most of that was accomplished but Glendening's lack of storytelling experience really left his cast a little lackluster or unimpressive performances all around with the exception of Isabella Calthorpe.  You geniunely got the vibe she wanted to be there and play the part.

Sadly this is also Simon MacCorkindale's last performance and you would have preferred he went out on a better standing that playing a corpse but I guess it can't be helped.  Gore effects and jump scares aside, I didn't remotely care about the cast, their goals and need for survival.  Felt flat on performance and editing.

Grounds need better keeping.

Werewolf Week

Hiya hiya hiya boys and girls and welcome the Week of the Lycanthrope....  Eh, sounds too corny.  Think we will just go with Werewolf Week.  This week I am just tackling unknown titles to see whether or not the shapeshifters are getting the same cinematic love as the various vampire incarnations.   We will just scrub our minds of the Twillight Saga and move on.

Yeah I peed on your Twillight DVDS... what of it?

This has been a lycanthrope grab bag at the suggestions of some of my readers and I thought it was high time we get back to the roots of this blog was based from.  For those that are coming in late I used to write for a review company and got stuck with the horror section because... I'm a guy and can tolerate blood caking the walls, entrails spewed about and it shouldn't phase me.  
Suffice to say I no longer work for said company and have been reviewing what I want each week.

 Yet there is a longing every so often I need to get back to the mainstream of horror and see what worked and what was complete and total dreck.  With that in mind, let's see if there are any decent werewolf films currently out there.  Otherwise we will just have to fall back on An American Werewolf in London and the Howling... again.

My Beefaroni breath gives me away everytime!

Stephen King Week

Howdy all and welcome back to the menagerie of merriment that is Rotten Reelz Reviews.  This week I thought we would tackle some horror films and I felt a decent source of material would be Horror writer novelist Stephen King (The Running Man, Cujo, Misery, Christine and Cycle of the Werewolf) and his various adapted novels to film.  Some of these flicks have chilled your soul, made you break out into cold sweats and some have been It.  Well you cannot expect gold every time and you will have to sift through the prairie apples to find the buried treasure.

The beautiful boy tempted me I tell you!!!

We will look into the various directors that worked with King and tried to stay in the same mindset as well as the budget. With certain film makers, bonding with King was easy as pie.  For others, it was a veritable nightmares as egos clashed.   Here's hoping for a fun time and I know some of you King fans have been asking me this for a while so here it is.  Enjoy!

Horror of 1970 Week

Howdy campers!  Welcome back to another helping back to my roots.  For more than 3 years I was self-inflicted into a niche that was nothing but horror and sci-fi movies.  The occasional TV series here and there but mostly became a bit too proficient in spotting my scream queens of yesteryear and modern era.  Observing actors and actresses that are so far removed from the Oscars the last award they got was in Little League, The Boys Scouts or possible The Brownies.  F-Grade films is what I speak of and the odd thing is I found them entertaining from time to time.  Oh not every one of them was a gem but somehow there would be a defining moment,actor or musical score that captured my attention.  

Cute but there is the whole eternal damnation issues.

Alas most of these films do not exist in this current timeline and I found a certain fascination with the year of 1970 and its horror genre.  The true hallmark of the thriller slasher, touch-up on the traditional monsters and transition from red dye to the blacken red caro syrup mixture since the 1980's.

So dust off your bell bottoms, break out your Zep or Pink Floyd and spark one for me.  This should be a wild ride or a disappointing canter.   Let's find out.

Hammer Features Week: The Curse of the Werewolf

Welcome back everyone to Hammer Features Week and I thought we would stem away from the Dracula saga and hop into the realm of lycanthropy.   Yes I speak of werewolves and not something that requires a medicated shampoo.  Veteran actor Oliver Reed (His and Hers, The Pirates of Blood River, Night Creatures, The Three Musketeers, The Four Musketeers: Milady’s Revenge, Ten Little Indians, The Big Sleep and Gladiator) is finally credited as an actor in this very film and well…the performance is sublime but the material is a bit touch and go.   So gather your holly, melt the silver down for weapons and God be with you.  This is The Curse of the Werewolf.

 

Oh, Dios mío!

On the moors, it is be a spoiler from the devil!!

Directed by Hammer go to man Terence Fisher (The Curse of Frankenstein, Horror of Dracula, The Revenge of Frankenstein, The Hound of the Baskervilles, The Mummy, The Gorgon and Dracula: Prince of Darkness) and set in 18^th century Spain brings a tale of sorrow to haunt more than a generation.  A beggar is imprisoned by the cruel Marques after making comments out of his place at the nobleman’s wedding.   The poor bastard is just left there for over fifteen years and his only human contact was the jailer and his gorgeous mute daughter (Yvonne Romain of Action of the Tiger, Murder Reported, Corridors of Blood, Circus of Horrors and Night Creatures). 

Marque of Da Suede!  ZING!

The young wild eyed girl was tossed in with the beggar after avoiding the decrepit Marques’ advances she is man handled by said beggar.  The next day she was sent up to entertain the Marques but she flees the countryside and is found in the forest by a gentleman scholar name of Don Alfredo Corledo (Clifford Evans of Love on the Dole, The Curse of the Werewolf, The Kiss of the Vampire, The Power Game and One Brief Summer) who nurses her back to health and finds her to be a delight.  She dies giving birth to her child out of wedlock (SCANDALOUS!!) and Don Corledo adopts the boy Leon as his own.  The boy seems different as he wails in the night with an almost murderous rage at the full moon.

Leon grows to a young man to work in a vineyard and his employers take an instant liking to the lad.  All seems well until…the nights of the full moon.  His mood swings being erratic get him dumped in the hoosegow until the vineyard owner’s daughter Cristina (Catherine Feller of The Gypsy and the Gentleman, Blood Wedding, Less Than Kind and Murder in Eden) defends Leon to the hilt and speaks on his behalf.

Sanctuary!!!

I have just a few things to interject about the film.    This is the only werewolf film that Hammer Studios ever made.  Five minutes of the original film were censored for the British release and more so out of the American version given the rape content.  Nothing graphic to that end but it is a very tender subject in any media.    The gravel quarry in Buckinghamshire where Spain allegedly is where most of the Tom Baker Doctor Who era was shot.

I went on my papers!!! I is big boy now!

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