Obscure Slasher Week: House on Sorority Row

Hello all and welcome to the last day of Obscure Slasher Week.  We end on a far amount of nudity, college girls meeting their tragic end and gasp the killer revealed as someone you more or less expected.  A true product of the 80’s in its vain attempt to cash in on the popularity of Friday the 13^th and Halloween.  So grab some liquor, have pre-marital sex and enjoy a little reefer.  This is House on Sorority Row.

Yes they're real Tiffany and bite me!

Ohmigod Spoilers!

Seven sorority sisters decide as a final hurrah they will have a big farewell party but their previous place fell through.  Guess there was only enough funds for booze rather than booze and a rental so given the place is closing up for the end of the year.  Vicki (Eileen Davidson of Easy Wheels, Eternity, Santa Barbara and The Bold and the Beautiful), Liz (Janis Ward of Steambath, Remington Steele, T.J. Hooker, and Matlock), Jeanie (Robin Meloy of The House on Sorority Row), Morgan (Jodie Draigie of The House on Sorority Row),Diane (Harley Jane Kozak of Parenthood, When Harry Met Sally, Arachnophobia and Dark Planet) Stevie( Ellen Dorsher of The House on Sorority Row) and Katherine (Kate McNeil of Monkey Shines, As the World Turns, Sudden Death and Space Cowboys) are living it up when House mother Mrs. Slater (Lois Kelso Hunt of Homicide: Life on the Street and Head of State) is most vexed about this and wished the home to be empty as per her yearly ritual.

Way to accessorize Vicki!

She shuns the girls and stomps downstairs to tear up and burn on the sorority chapter pictures.  Previously in a flashback sequence 20 years ago she had difficulties in child labor and the doctor gave her the bad news.  Flash forward to the present day for a dose of exposition by the same doctor but it is obscured with hyperbole and metaphor of that tragic night. 

The girls gather together to play a prank on Mrs. Slater by stealing her incredibly sharp walking cane and tossing it in her filth and scum ridden pool then taunt her at gunpoint to go swim for it.  Quite by accident Vicki fires a .45 caliber round right through Mrs. Slater and the girls form a pact to hide Slater’s corpse in the swimming pool until their graduation party can be finished.  None of that go to the cops and explain nonsense for these ladies of virtue.

Remember girls, no riders!

Now I have just a few critiques and observations about the film.  A fair amount of crane shots are found in this film of which IMDB tells us it was done from a cherry picker.  The FX for the gore scenes could have benefited from some black dye in the karo syrup to let the blood look less orange on film.  Some of the incidental music was lifted from the infamous film Manos: The Hands of Fate and it is only through Mystery Science Theater 3000 that I know that little tidbit.   The storyline is enjoyable, the characters are flushed out and all in all it is an impressive production.  I have seen better and far far worse so yes this was well conceived.

Obscure Slasher Week: Cheerleader Camp

Ahh welcome welcome to Day 4 of the Obscure Slasher Week and yes did I find a treasure of utter 80’s.  From the dialogue to the clothes, to the more mousse than Bullwinkle this film is dated in its standings.  So it is my great pleasure to bring you the pain and torture that is Cheerleader Camp.

Now let's play pick your first victim!

Spoilers are grody to the Max!!!

Well our youngins are off to Camp Vorhees..er…um I mean Camp Hurrah , a camp so bloody remote from any other walk of life you would need a compass, a Sherpa and probably a machete to get back to civilization.   So naturally this makes perfect sense to have a bunch of horny teenagers out and about with next to no supervision.  Our main protagonist is Alison (Betsy Russell of Tomboy, Trapper County War, Saw III, IV, V, VI and Saw 3D: The Final Chapter) a spunky girl that has woes of inadequacy who wants to strive to be the very bestest cheerleader ever…what a goal let me tell you.  Along with her is her overtly flirtatious boyfriend Brent (Leif Garrett of Walking Tall, The Last Survivors, The Outsiders, Delta Fever and Popstar) and when he is not macking on her, he is instilling words of wisdom on how she can obtain her goals…and then talk her into anal.   Oh please like Leif Garrett never has done that. 

Boy the competition is fierce

Our alumni doesn’t stop there, we still have two Playboy playmates to add into the mix.  Theresa Salazar (Rebecca Ferratti of Gor, Beverly Hills Cop II, Gor II and Ace Ventura: Pet Detective) and Pamela Bently (Former Playmate and adult actress Teri Weigel...you go look up those titles) and good old Pop (character actor Buck Flower from Escape from New York, They Live, Starman, The Fog, Back to the Future II and Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat).  Yessir, this camp looks like it’s in good hands here and there couldn’t be anything to worry about right?  With all the hopes pinned on winning the All States finals, Alison is wracked with nightmares of murders that are haunting her and making her wonder what is wrong with her.

Now comes the part where I use my eyes and observe.  The better portion of shots in this film is a national park in California called Sequoia Nation Forest, which oddly enough Addams Family Values was also shot at for most of the summer camp scenes.   Standard 35mm camera and a fair amount of boom mikes vs. miking your actors but for crying out loud get a better wind sock to cover your boom.  I hear a fair amount of the wind whistling in the breeze there.

Occupado...gurgle..

 

The recording is mono and fortunately the DVD copy did clear up the dialogue a bit better because I could barely hear the audio on the VHS.  The soundtrack sounds like what I like to call “Fun with a Casio.” and the mood lighting in portions feels almost Wes Craven via Nightmare on Elm Street.  A far amount of handheld work and a bit of dolly track.

Wind Tunnel!!

This film too suffers from the disease of multiple titles called the Also Known As syndrome.  Apparently Cheerleader Camp didn’t cover it all for the other countries so we have Bloody Pom Poms, Bloody Nightmare and Bloody Scream.   With it approaching pornography on its extensive nudity, sexual references I am actually amazed they had time to run a horror movie there.  Think of on the lines of Sleepaway Camp with even less direction, story line and clever character creation.

Obscure Slasher Week: Madhouse

Hello readers and welcome to day 3 of Obscure Slasher Week and I have a treat for you this time around with two Horror legends in one film.  Vincent Price and Peter Cushing so yes there will be lovely ladies put in macabre settings so don’t walk down that stairwell with only a flashlight, learn to stay together and for crying out loud never ask, “Is there anybody out there?”  This is Madhouse.

And that's my squirrel impression. Next, a ducky.

Spoilers will be the death of me…

Actor of horror Paul Toombes  (Vincent Price of Last Man on Earth, The Fly, The Abominable Dr. Phibes, Theatre of Blood and Journey Into Fear) playing his claim to fame character Dr. Death is living the high life with success, riches and a lovely fiancée to be wed.  His thanks go to Herbert Flay (Peter Cushing of Horror of Dracula, The Curse of Frankenstein, The Mummy, Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors, Dr. Who and the Daleks and Star Wars) the writer for creating such vivid imagery and a truly sinister character that has brought them both so much.  On the eve of the premiere party Toombes announces his formal marriage to his fiancée Ellen (Julie Crosthwaite of Dixon of Dock Green, Get Charlie Tully, Rock Follies and The Picnic).   All is bliss until it is hinted by a sleazy producer Oliver Quayle (Robert Quarry of Count Yorga, Vampire, Dr. Phibes Rises Again, The Return of Count Yorga and Alienator) that young Ellen had a hand or two in the adult industry and Toombes feels slighted by his would be gold digger.   Toombes has a mental breakdown for some time before the brutal murder of his fiancée leaving him questioning if he himself did it.

When Home Depot goes bad.

Years later, Paul Toombes is cured but his career is ruined and reputation besmirched a Television setup in England wants to run a Dr. Death mini-series ran by the same sleazy producer and Herbert Flay brought him to restart his career in the hopes of giving Paul some peace and improve his health and wealth.  All too soon murders are happening in fair England in the exact fashion a Dr. Death victim would.  Is Paul doing these grisly killings and then forgetting about them?  Is someone seeking to drive him mad?

A few side notes of the movie itself is the special appearances of Basil Rathbone and Boris Karloff is through clips of the gentlemen in a few films that Price had previously done with them.  This is of course seven years later after their passing so it is a bit of a touchy subject but was used with their mutual families’ blessings.   

That's no way to get ahead in life, dear.

Based on the horror novel Devilday by Angus Hall; Madhouse delivers a steady pace of mystique, bizarre and ominous forebode.  Cushing as always the personification of poise and well mannered and a constant level of elegance and Price seems on the ragged edge one minute and completely the steadfast gentleman the next.    I could not help but comment of the collective of buxom blondes they had at the ready.  The casting directors must have been scouring the countryside for them. 

Obscure Slasher Week: The New York Ripper

Ah New York.  Grim, gritty and a town that never truly sleeps can produce so much.  This time however it created a maniac hell bent on eliminating attractive women with liberal moral values.   So strap in kids, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride on the FDR.  This is The New York Ripper.

 

Oh, she clearly sat on her car keys.

Spoilers feed on hate!

Italian director Lucio Fulci (Don’t Torture a Duckling, House by the Cemetery, Phenomena and Inferno) brings us an assorted tale of a psychotic roaming around the streets of New York randomly stalking and  killing pretty girls as he please  throughout the city and eluding the watchful eye of NYPD.   Dealing with this nutter butter is Detective Lieutenant Fred Williams (Jack Hedley of For Your Eyes Only, One by One, Remington Steele, Three Kinds of Heat and The Plot to Kill Hitler) , a jaded and burned out cop that’s seen it all.  He is bombarded with potential witnesses, no real physical evidence and threats from the Chief to get this under wraps ASAP or PDQ if you prefer.   Realizing he is out of his league to put himself in this lunatic’s shoes he seeks the aid of a psychoanalyst with a heart of gold, Dr. Paul Davis (Long time Fulci staple Paolo Malco of House by the Cemetery, Escape from the Bronx, The Scorpion with Two Tails, Thunger and Midnight Killer) in the hopes he can gain some insight to this irrational behavior.  Hey maybe afterwards he can explain Romney fans for me too.  

Well this was not a boating accident!

I would like to mention a few comments about the technical aspect of the film before going back into the plot.   This is all shot on Arriflex Technicscope giving the film a letterbox effect but at the same time allows for a better slow pan of still shots.  The bridge shots are more defined, aerial shots are crisper and focus on a single actor looks more defined and at the same allows background to be a loss of detail and looks slightly washed out.  The audio redubbed is synched rather well with the actors frame by frame as this was recorded in Italy. 

I must warn the causal horror flick observer that some of these murder scenes are fairly graphic and exposition after each film goes into lavish detail just how badly the killer diced the girls so being said I was a bit disturbed the murder kept making Donald Duck comments with the same voice in question.  Yes it was very difficult for me to take in the depictions of violence when this loopy is quacking and being nuttier than a fruitcake.  Apparently this is in reference to Don’t Torture a Duckling and I believe a finite number of people got this.  

Death at disgruntled disco...

Fulci once again tries to push the envelope of sadistic violence with the trademark pan up of the look of horror of the victim’s face and the inevitable end reaches conclusion as the victim comes to term with there is no escape.  It’s kind of reminiscent of Last House on the Left minus a fricking chicken truck scene and wacky and zany cops.   Oh yes the nudity alone almost an artistic display to it.  Not exactly certain the correlation of erotica meet brutality but hey I leave that up for someone else’s interpretation.    As was with the eye and splintered wood effect of extreme focus from Zombi a.k.a. Flesh Eaters and now has been duplicated more than its fair share of times, which emphasis is carried through to this film as well.     Hardcore Fulci fans you can jot this down as an achievement.

Obscure Slasher Week: Intruder

Okay folks just need to clarify this review does not reference Roger Corman’s The Intruder.    Far too classy for this week I am afraid. So what do you get when you assist a buddy in your career?  Well you are obligated to do the same so without further adieu let’s get it on.  This is Intruder.

Ohmigod, when did we start serving scruffy white guys?

Spoilers won’t let us be!!!

Writer/director Scott Spiegel (Stryker’s War, Evil Dead II, Hit List, The Rookie and From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money) corralled his Evil Dead alumni for a slasher film of his own choosing  as well as some veteran horror actors and scream queens for this little masterpiece. 

As the local supermarket store is about to close, Jennifer (Elizabeth Cox of Sixteen Candles, The Wraith, Night of the Creeps, The Allnighter and Juarez: Stages of Fear) gets harassed by her psycho ex-boyfriend Craig (David Brynes of Witchcraft 7: Judgment Hour, Witchcraft IX: Bitter Flesh and The Hamster Wheel).  Sensing her co-worker is in trouble, Linda (Renee Estevez of Heathers, Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers, Die Silence, Touch and Die, Single White Female and Paper Hearts) hits a panic button and her Supermarket Friends Assemble!   The co-owner of said store Bill (Dan Hicks of Evil Dead II, Maniac Cop, Easy Wheels, Darkman, Wishmaster and Spider-Man 2) confronts the little puke and a scuffle ensues.  The rest of the night crew head out to grab Craig for the cops while Jennifer calls them and Craig disappears under the shadow of darkness.  He later in his ultimate wisdom decides to leave a series of innerving calls to the store tormenting Jennifer and the cops basically say they will keep an eye out for him and just be careful.  Yeah no stationed police cruiser or anything, you should just use the buddy system.

Deadlines are murder...see that was a pun...I'll stop now.

 Well the place is locked down for the night and now the daunting time of inventory and let’s face it folks we are clearly in for a night of fun, if fun including gluing your eyelids shut or sitting through a Superfriends marathon then yes it will be fun.  Linda checks out for the night and heading home in time for Family Ties or some such when she is attacked by unknown and unseen assailant.   This leads to a simple stabbing to get the heart rate up, but not overtly graphic this early in the show.  Bill spots someone at the back door and goes to investigate.    Jennifer still wigging out over Craig hides out in the bathroom to regain some modicum of composure.   Good luck with that darlin’, we are in a horror movie remember?

And now just a few observations I have gleamed from this movie.  Spiegel seemed to like Sam Raimi’s Shaky cam effect for running around the store and developed this weird shot of a POV shot through a rotary telephone.  Inspiring notion as well as a bit of dolly track and lots of handheld, the camera work is solid.   

A pound of shrimp for $2.98? SOLD!

The entire film was shot in a grocery store in Bell, California during evenings when the store was closed so as far as sets go they had total autonomy.    Oh and you Bruce Campbell fans will be a little disappointed that Bruce shows up towards the end as a cop of two maybe three lines of dialogue and we never get a close up on him.  He is treated like every state trooper of Friday the 13^th.  Background babble and looking horrified.    Oh and FYI, get the unrated version or you miss all the cool gore gags KNB EFX made.    A very simplistic story and a great throwback to the slasher genre, our film here is a hidden gem of the horror community. 

Obscure Slasher Week

Hey all.  This week I am going back to my roots of epinions and thought it has been a while since I saw girls in the underwear fleeing a lunatic with a cadre of unusual weapons at his or her disposal.  Yes I am referring of course the slasher sub-genre of horror films.  So expect isolated timbers, useless law enforcement and girls that could out wail a banshee.   I shall endeavor to not pick it apart as I did back in the day...  See how I have grown.

Carpenter Week: Halloween

Back again all with the continuation of Carpenter week and hey why not touch base on his greatest success rate for a flick that cost all of $320,000?  By helping redefine a scary movie in the slasher genre prior to the success of Friday the 13^th, its predecessor brought terror, mystery and horror to the small town of Haddenfield Illinois.  So grab your mask, get your hefty bag for candy and hey let’s stay out til midnight.  This is Halloween.

Spoilers have the blackest eyes…The Devil’s eyes.

With the horror genre of the 70’s, directors and writers went from the absurd to the brutal evil that resides in humanity.  With the draw of Tobe Hooper’s The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and follow up Eaten Alive, Bob Clark’s thriller Black Christmas and Lucio Fulci’s monstrous Don’t Torture a Duckling this time line started to reshape Horror as we knew it and made the monsters a bit closer to human with still a primal driving force to kill victims and destroy lives as they knew only how.   John Carpenter’s Assault on Precinct 13 gave him the credibility that he needed to start on his filmography that he decided we let’s create a ghost story and flesh it out on the big screen with the working title The Babysitter Murders.  When executive producer Moustapha Akkad hears this title he cautions Carpenter that we don’t want the MPAA (Motion Pictures Association of America) losing their minds over such a title due to how much flack Tobe Hooper received and maybe it was better low key.  With the amount of money and time constraints already there Carpenter decided let’s get this done and over with unaware of the impact this film would have on generations to come.

Our story is about a young man raised in an asylum by the name of Michael Myers (Tony Moran of James at 16, The Waltons, California Fever and The Lucky Break) who after brutally murdering his older sister with a butcher knife, looms in the ward waiting. For 15 years he has remained silent and almost inert that the staff of said hospital doesn’t view him as a threat let alone a risk.  His doctor, Sam Loomis (Donald Pleasence of You Only Live Twice, The Great Escape, Dracula 1979, Escape from New York, Alone in the Dark and Prince of Darkness) has urged the head of the mental institution that Michael is not to be taken lightly, is scoffed at and mocked by his higher ups.   As a result, Myers escapes from the institute grounds, steals a car and peels out.    Myers returns to his hometown and proceeds to wreak bloody havoc on the night of Halloween.  That’s right, kids the boogeyman is on your streets.

Good girl Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis of Prom Night, The Fog, Terror Train, Halloween II, Trading Spaces, A Fish Called Wanda and True Lies) is relegated to babysitting on Halloween night while most of her friends are out partying, engaging in hijinks and of course pre-marital sex.    Watching not only her charge Tommy Doyle but her friend Annie’s (Nancy Kyes of Assault on Precinct 13, The Sea Gypsies, The Fog, Halloween II and Halloween III: Season of the Witch) little sister Lindsey so she can have some alone time with her man.  Dr. Loomis desperately trying to get the Sheriff to see the terror that has been unleashed on his town must stop Michael at any cost, even his own life.   A horror classic to be sure and of course one that gets rented over and over for the holiday.  Heck Zombie’s version while with a different spin really tried to make it the homage this film deserved.  

Last tidbit is the mask for Myers is a William Shatner mask from Star Trek: The Motion Picture spray painted white.   Yes, Shatner is the face of evil. Dun dun dun!

Leatherface and Family

I’m back again kiddies for another franchise that could have been easily skipped.  Say, did you know the early 70’s really ushered the serial killer movement?  Thrillers like the 1973 Black Christmas, the quadrilogy of The Blind Dead series from Italy but none had quite the impact as the 1974 Tobe Hooper classic The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.   So gather your friends, have some car trouble and by God investigate like the Scoobies.   This is the Texas Chainsaw Massacre Collection.

Spoilers are people!!!

Now before we dive into this unbridled insanity, let me be clear that this write-up will not be including the remakes.  The original Chainsaw film was loosely based on the exploits of real life serial killer Ed Gein formerly of Wisconsin.  So we change locations and build a bizarre family of cannibalistic, graverobbing nutter butters tormenting teens and making spare ribs.  Doesn’t that sound keen?  Director Tobe Hooper (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Eaten Alive, Salem’s Lot, Poltergeist, Lifeforce. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, Body Bags and Night Terrors) claims in articles and interviews the thought behind his horror Mecca was being swarmed by mass loads of shoppers in a department store during the holidays and the first thing he spied was a chainsaw and how ideal that tool would have been to cut a bloody swath to the exit.  I think we all have had days like that. 

 Five teenagers go on a road trip because their friend and her brother want to pay respect to their grandfather’s grave.   This time it was desecrated with a human skeleton perched on top of the headstone posed like some sick joke. The teens are systematically rubbed out of existence by our villain Leatherface and his demented family.  Only one survivor makes her way from the loony tunes and we assume went into hiding.  Enter a decade of abject silence other than did you see that warped film on the drive-in or Beta-Max.  

1986 we have a less primal and bleak sequel The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2.  This film is still incredibly graphic and gory but infused with dark comedy and we now know Leatherface’s family surname is Sawyer and you better whitewash their fences right.   A radio host ‘Stretch’ (Caroline Williams of Stepfather II, Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III, Love and Lies, Leprechaun 3 and Halloween II remake) gets a prank call over the airwaves. As the little pond scum makes vulgar remarks they begin to scream in pain and agony (probably had to see Oingo Boingo in concert) as a chainsaw revs in the background.  Lieutenant ‘Lefty’ Enright, a former Texas Marshall (Dennis Hopper of Hang ‘Em High, Easy Rider, True Grit, The Last Movie, Apocalypse Now, Speed and Land of the Dead) is uncle to Sally Hardesty of the first film and knows all about the Sawyer family and he is determined to catch the lot of psychos.   Now because this film does not follow the same formula as the Friday the 13ths and Nightmares sequels, most of the horror fans overlooked this cult film.  Admittedly the acting is a bit over the top in some characters* coughs Bill Mosely’s Chop Top* but overall it is a dark and demented flick of absurd proportions.  Leatherface is apparently dispatched by Lefty and Stretch deals with Chop Top.  The End…or is it???   

Due to the infamous standing Chainsaw 2 had New Line Cinema wanted to beat this dead horse yet again.  1990, Hooper presents a treatment and New Line was not interested so we bring in Director Jeff Burr (Stepfather II, Puppet Master 4, Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings, Puppet Master 5: The Final Chapter and Night of the Scarecrow) This film was almost a prequel to TCM 2 and left folks a might confused in that regard but heck any flick with Ken Foree (Dawn of the Dead, Knightriders, From Beyond, Terror Squad, Dawn of the Dead remake and Halloween remake) in it can’t be all that bad, right?  Right?  So the Sawyer family has bred some more and honestly the gene pool is not improving, with the exception of Viggo Mortensen.   Yeah that is not a joke.  First real paycheck as he put it.  The MPAA had a field day with this movie and tried to get it an X-rating due to the level of gore, of which there was quite a bit but settled on NC-17.  So inbred hillbilly cannibals match wits with plucky goodie two shoes, horror ensues and Leatherface is allegedly killed…or was he? Dun dun dun!  

Well if you thought that could destroy a wild and warped legacy of terror then I guess you better get under the magic covers because Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation will leave you scratching your head, force you to Kirk shoulder roll from the plot holes and make you ask” Hey isn’t that Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zellweger?”  1995 co-writer of the original The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Kim Henkel decided to take a whack at the series with her interpretation that would explain why the Sawyer family does what they do oh so well.  Four teenie boppers zip away from the high school prom and end up taking the wrong short cut, maim a poor driver and have to find a tow truck.  Fortunately the forest they are in is so backlit they could skip wandering armed only with a flash light.  That’s right folks it’s all the Illuminati’s fault.  The Sawyers dispatch and eat people because…there was a giant plot hole the size of Kansas and no one could plug it.  Two other comments about this little stinkburger is the actress Lisa Newmeyer (The House on Todville Road, Rolling Kansas, Sin City and A Scanner Darkly).   Her death scene felt like an eternity.  They drag this one scene out making Zellweger’s character watch the torturous scene and frankly I was going bonkers hearing this girl shriek on and on.  Oh, and for some completely unexplained reason, Leatherface because a transvestite in a mask made of human flesh.    Yeah guess Henkel saw Silence of the Lambs and went, “That’s the direction for Leatherface.”

What can we all take away from this?  Well good intentions and a few story ideas does not a film make would be one.   I do not feel in this modern age we can recapture that same terror the original mastered.  Eerie sounds and sets, rotten meat, human and animal bone strewn about offers a sick vision.   But don’t get down folks.  There’s another fricking Chainsaw being made.  Huzzah.

The Raven...No not the Highlander one..

Howdy boys and girls! Back with a bit of a more current spin on an old thing. The retelling of an old tale of misery, murder, gruesome and grandeur. So polish the mononocle, grab that absinthe and partake in the local play. This is The Raven.

Spoilers nevermore...

A sot,a uproarious drunk with a keen and gifted mind. Edgar Allen Poe (John Cusack of Better Off Dead, Grosse Point Blank, Serendipity and 1408) feels underappreciated and less than nothing by this rabble that is the common man; is penniless from his world tour due to his level of indulgence and feels his is at his wit's end. A series of brutal murders have occured in Baltimore where Poe resides and a young detective named Fields (Luke Evans of The Immortals,Robin Hood, The Three Musketeers and Clash of the Titans) notices the disturbing pattern of each of the murders is identical to a short story of Poe's. Desperate for help, Fields enlists Poe's assistance in stopping this madman before he strikes again.  While men of completely different caliber and strengths, Fields and Poe try to make a common ground to reach in order to decipher this lunatic's warping of Poe's macbre tales.

Kidnapped is Poe's fiancee` Emily Hamilton (Alice Eve of Big Nothing, Crossing Over, She's Out of My League and Men in Black 3) to taunt and torment Poe's already tortured soul but to inspire words of brillance and morbid fancy all for the killer to read and revel in as this deadly game of cat and mouse continues on the killer's terms. The clock is ticking down as we discover that Emily does not have long for this world unless Fields and Poe can crack the case with the disturbing clues into the madman's psyche.

Director James McTeigue (V for Vendetta, The Invasion and Ninja Assassin) tells us the tale of what would be the happenings of Poe, his written works and the downsides to that of which they could very well create. Now while this is in no way, shape or imagination new ground; the story is well told and shot to a degree of professionalism that V for Vendetta was. The angled shots, crane and hand held was pretty spot on. John Cusack did a fine job as Poe. He attempts to show facets of all the man; his hopes, dreams and nightmares if you will and while this is not the best version of this tale but worth the view.

I would like to point out this gothic story has a fair degree of blood and gore attached to it so that is something to take into account. Certainly not the bloodiest film of the thriller genre, I believe From Hell still holds that mark in my humble opinion.

Cronos: An Original.

Hey all.  I’m back again with a vampire movie on the platter.   Now before you all groan and chant “Seen it”, this is not your typical vampire movie and in fact is a whole other realm of magic, relics and wild happenings.  So sit back in your seat, put your feet up and gaze in disbelief.  This is Cronos.

Spoilers are made of many things…

Director/writer/producer Guillermo del Toro (The Devil’s Backbone, Mimic, Blade II, Hellboy and Hellboy II: The Golden Army) weaves a story of 1535 Mexico, an alchemist creates a golden mechanical artifact that staves off the ravages of age, allowing the wearer almost infinite life and energy so long he or she is prepared to pay the price.  Now in 1997, Jesus Gris (Federico Luppi of Martin, The Devil’s Backbone and Pan’s Labyrinth) an antiques dealer in Mexico, who comes across a beetle-shaped golden trinket found in an old statue.  While inspecting the item in question, it buzzes and whirls to life, sprouting claws and digs into his hand deep.  The next day Jesus feels stronger and more energetic than he had in years, a notion he attributes to the artifact now embedded in his flesh.  No sooner does this newly found vitality come about as does a thirst, a craving for human blood.  Methinks this gift needs a refund option.  Down this new found passage of self-discovery he learns of a malicious millionaire Dieter de la Guardia (Claudio Brook of The Exterminating Angel, Simon of the Desert, Miroslava and Valentina) stricken with disease and old age he is obsessed with the tales and writings of the Cronos invention along with his brute of a nephew Angel (Ron Perlman of Beauty and the Beast, Absolon, Blade II, Hellboy, Mutant Chronicles, The Job, I Sell the Dead, Acts of Violence and Conan the Barbarian)  who simply wishes dear Uncle would drop dead and give him the business.  Jesus fears that he will soon be a threat to his granddaughter who he dearly loves as he is warping away from the good man he was.

And now I would like to mention a quick, few tidbits on the cinematography itself.  Toro’s usage of winding visual and clockwork title card introduction is something of a patent for him.  As most of his films are based in sci-fi fantasy, horror and the conglomerate of both, it is a unique signature as well as the need for orchestra music building momentum and suspense.  Most of the camera work is hand held and with such precision down a winding staircase and such attention to detail that you get the feeling he truly is a storyteller around a campfire rather than a director.   

How his gothic take on most of his films gets compared to Tim Burton’s work can only be attributed that Cronos was released in 1993 after Burton successes of Beetlejuice, Batman and Edward Scissorhands and therefore people feel Toro lifted the same feel for his own.  I would have to disagree and find while similar that Toro’s work unfolds with a subtle grace and is more dialogue and action driven, while Burton’s work tends to come off as kooky or obtuse.  And considering how many bloody remakes Burton has been in hand with, I am not a huge fan.    Following in the facet of Hitchcock like many other current directors, Toro appears as small bit characters in his films but never a top bill one.  He is behind the scenes if you will and frequently has actors of previous film projects to come back as often as he can get them.   To this date, Ron Perlman has done 4 films with him thus far and I dare say it is only the beginning.  So if you care for an exquisite take on an old legend with little to mild gore then I would dare say put this in your Netflix.

A Nightmare on Remake Street

Hey folks what is more enjoyable than an original horror movie? Why, the remake of course.  Those are always delightful.  1, 2 Freddy’s coming for you. 3, 4 better lock your door. 5, 6 grab a crucifix. 7,8 stay up late. 9, 10 never sleep again.  This is A Nightmare on Elm Street.

Spoilers return from the dead...

Based on Wes Craven’s creation music video director Samuel Bayer (Green Day: Bullet in a Bible, Blink 182: Greatest Hits and Absolute Garbage) must have felt qualified to tackle this character of 20 years of terror and camp and breathe new life in it.   This film was literally shot for shot identical from its predecessor.  Writers Wesley Strick (Final Analysis, Wolf, The Saint and Doom) and Eric Heisserer (Stranger Adventures, The Thing 2011 version and Final Destination 5) hacked Craven’s simplistic creation and my blood went completely cold realizing director/producer Michael Bay (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Amityville Horror, Transformers and Friday the 13^th) felt the need to produce this wonderful magnum opus. 

Several teenagers in Springwood Ohio are having reoccurring dreams of a burnt man with a glove with blades attached to the fingers.   Going on the basis of the original concept of making Krueger a pedophile and dragging four kids to his Uncle Touchy’s Naked Puzzle Basement; several parents of these children that he abducted sought him out and burned him to death or did they?  Dun dun dun!!!

The story arc starts up its focus with Kris (Katie Cassidy of Click, Black Christmas, Taken, Harper’s Island and Gossip Girl) with her intense moments and emotions and blah blah blah.  A handful of teenagers Nancy (Rooney Mara of Urban Legends: Bloody Mary, Dream Boy, The Social Network and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo) and Quentin (Kyle Gallner of Smallville, Veronica Mars, Jennifer’s Body, The Haunting in Connecticut and Red State) discover that memories where lashed together with nightmares.  In essence Freddy is just messing with their heads and admittedly the teens actually don’t even get to bother develop as an archetype of clichés and platitudes.  

A few points of the remake versus the original, the remake had a substantial budget, some great 35mm HD along with a bit of CGI and this version of Freddy is a bit more sadistic, intelligent and warped. The cinematography and the SFX is a vast improvement.    No zany puns and whacky comments. Freddy Krueger (Jackie Earle Haley of Little Children, Watchmen, Shutter Island and Dark Shadows) torments the kids with cruel slow and messier deaths.

Now the effects are a vast improvement of the lack of budget in the original, story is actually scarier but Bayer has never heard of tension or build-up and the proper execution of this.   Every scare is yet another series of timed jump scares that once you catch the rhythm it is predictable as fish on Friday.  Musical cues must have a button on standby to blat out on the film.  Nice try Bayer but no cigar.  I am not stating the original is genius but it was original and clever.  This isn’t.

His name was Jason...

And there on the handle was a hook…OoOoO… ah we all enjoy our campfire tales while toasting marshmallows but some stories can be more than a little spooky.   So grab your pup tent, let’s make s’mores and settle in.  This is Friday the 13^th Part 2.

Legend tells of a spoiler that resurrects from the beyond.

It is five years later after the massacre of Crystal Lake and Pamela Vorhees has been killed and the young girl that survived, Alice (Adreinne King of Friday the 13^th, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and While You Were Sleeping)attempts to live her life beyond that nightmare only to feel as though she is being watched. Her small apartment is filled with drawings of a disfigured boy that drug her underwater. She peers into her refrigerator to find the severed head of Pamela Vorhees , then has an ice pick driven in her right temple.    A group of teenagers come to Crystal Lake to reopen the site and set up a new camp and the head counselor Paul Holt (John Furey of A Killing Spring, The Gali’ndez File and A Little Thing Called Murder) his wacky sidekick Ted (Stu  Charno of Christine, Just One of the Guys and Once Bitten) and his psychologist girlfriend  Ginny (Amy Steel of All My Children, Guiding Light and April Fool’s Day) this camp will be good for the upcoming children’s summer.   Unbeknownst to our happy campers that Jason Vorhees somehow survived his drowning and was lost in the woods, living off wild life and vegetation like a confused creature of the wild.   Could he be fact or fiction?  Is he right behind you even as you read this!!??  No dummy he is the stuff of fiction.  

As most of the camp crew head into town for a little partying a smattering of counselors remain at camp to keep the home fires burning.  Obviously to have sex, smoke some local reefer and have a few beers; which as we all know this is a recipe for disaster via the killer’s perspective.  One by one they are being systematically slaughtered without provocation as Jason is a big time moral crusader against pre-marital sex, drugs and alcohol.  You would think the MPAA and he would be natural allies but I digress.

Steve Miner (Friday the 13^th Part 3, House, Soul Man, Warlock and Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken) takes over for Sean Cunningham (Friday the 13^th, A Stranger is Watching, Spring Break, The New Kids and DeepStar Six) after the first movie from his former associate producer title he held.  The tagline alone is worth viewing.  The body count continues.  Granted the murder effects of Tom Savini is not in this film but in fact done by Carl Fullerton (Friday the 13^th Part 3, The Hunger, Spasms, The Return of Swamp Thing and Warlock) and as always the musical score but Harry Manfredini ( Scores for Friday the 13^th 1 through Jason X, Wishmaster, Bad Karma, the Omega Code and Terminal Invasion)The acting was not over the top, the lighting and sound was phenomenal and frankly there were some real scary moments rather than the expected point of countless jump scares.  Feel free to give this one a viewing if you are a slasher fan.