A map, an alternative me and a ghost Shawn needing tending to.
Here's the review. Enjoy, kiddies!!!
Saturday, March 31, 2018
Thursday, March 22, 2018
Guardians of the Galaxy
Welcome back readers. I realize that
most of my writings have been either Horror or Sci-fi titles so I
thought we could hunker down to a more popular franchise brought to
us by Marvel Studios.
What do a hybrid, a
genetically/cybernetically altered raccoon, a talking tree, the
galaxy's deadliest assassin and a raged filled literal minded man
have in common? Well not a whole lot.
This is Guardians of the Galaxy.
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| This Googles Map app sucks, Groot. |
Our film opens with the beginnings of a
young Peter Quill who loses his mother to cancer, is abducted by
aliens and his mother's family never sees or hears of him again.
Good call on the taking care of the boy after mom dies. Top notch.
More than 20 years have passed and the
boy is an accomplished thief, con artist, trickster and roguishly
handsome Star Lord (Chris Pratt of Parks and Recreation,
Jurassic World, The Lego Movie, Lego Jurassic World, Lego Dimensions,
The Magnificent Seven, Passengers and The Kid), a half human,
half something else man who loves his 80s pop culture minutia that
baffles the rest of the galaxy.
Contracted to steal a stone of unknown
content or power from a remote,dead world. Quill decides to cut out
his boss/father figure Yondu (Michael Rooker of Days of
Thunder, JFK, Cliffhanger, Mallrats, The Replacement Killers, The
Walking Dead and Call of the Dead) out of the deal, make
enough scratch to flee from the Ravagers (Intergalactic crime
syndicate) and be on his own.
 |
| Presenting my large, pulsating ball. |
Decidedly pissed, Yondu puts a contract
out on Quill and a talking tree and raccoon proceed to planet Xandar
to capture Quill alive. Yeah a talking tree known as Groot (Vin
Diesel of The Fast and the Furious, Pitch Black, Knockaround Guys,
XXX, The Chronicles of Riddick, Fast & Furious and Avengers:
Infinity War) and a raccoon with disconcertingly human like
hands and unfeasibly large guns known as Rocket (Bradley Cooper
of Failure to Launch, Alias, The Midnight Meat Train, The Hangover,
The A-Team, Limitless and Avengers: Infinity War).
A
group of religious zealots of the Kree empire want the stone too. Led
by a fanatic lunatic known as Ronan the Accuser (Lee
Pace of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, The Hobbit: The Desolation
of Smaug, The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies, The Program and
Driven)
loathes his own people striking a treaty with Xandar and will see the
whole planet wiped out. Xandar not the Kree home world, Hala. Yes I
am that big of a Marvel Comics geek fanboy. What of it??!!
Ronan's
underlings were supposed to retrieve this all mighty Maguffin for one
of Marvel's nastier villains, Thanos (played by Josh Brolin but not a
huge part at this time so move on) and he even aided Ronan by
offering his "adopted" daughters, the deadly assassin
Gamora (Zoe Saldana of Avatar, Star Trek, The
Losers, Star Trek Into Darkness, Out of the Furnance and Avengers:
Infinity War)
and cybernetically enhanced Nebula (Karen Gillan
of Doctor Who, Occulus, In a Valley of Violence, The Circle and
Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle),
devious and crafty killer in her own right.
Gamora
volunteers to acquire the stone and ends up running into Quill, Groot
and Rocket.
Less
than 12 hours in for their collective charges, the four offer to help
one another to escape the Kiln, a Supermax prison full of the dregs
of the universe. One such inmate last his wife and daughter to
Ronan's crazed killing spree, Drax the Destroyer (Dave
Bautista of WWE Smackdown, WWE Raw, The Man with the Iron Fists, L.A.
Slasher, Heist, Marauders and Enter the Warriors Gate)
a
literal minded warrior with strength levels of the Hulk and about the
moral code of Wolverine.
The
five of them escape from prison, nick their gear and head out into
the big black for fortune and glory. No time for love, Doctor Jones.
Ronan,
the Ravagers and most of the Nova Corps of Xandar are breathing down
their necks while the choice must be made. A bunch of loners unite
against a common enemy or get blasted into bits across the cold
vacuum of space.
Okay
first off, I absolutely love this flick. Aside from real fans of the
comic book franchise, these characters are positively unknown to the
average movie goers. Plus it is delivered is such a fashion, that
you can instinctively have emotions for or against the characters.
Clever writing, action, Sci-fi and still that comic book formula that
fleshes out comic books to the silver screen is so wonderfully done
here.
The
casting really works and honestly, MCU's Star Lord has a superior
backstory than his original comic book counterpart. Tragic yet
brought him to adulthood (more or less) far better than his long
winded, duller story arc of the comics.
Snaring
the likes of Glenn
Close, Benico Del Toro and Dijmon Hounsou
for bit roles still brings life into these personas. Well crafted
for all ages to watch, similar how George Lucas pulled off Star Wars:
A New Hope, this film lends itself to easily a follow up movie in
2017.
And
yes you should watch its sequel.
 |
| Deadliest of eye candy. |
Wednesday, March 21, 2018
Pumpkinhead
Howdy gang! I hope you enjoyed that
ridiculous video review of Billy the Kid vs Dracula.
That took far, far too long to finish
but it is done! Okay funny note, as many articles I added on here
from epinions.com, I somehow skipped a decently creepy film. Today's
movie hails from MGM and United Artists making a
chiller film with an amazing practical effects creature from Stan
Winston's Studios plus he helped with the story and directed our
movie. This is Pumpkinhead.
 |
| Now massage my corns, Lance. |
We start off with an odd prologue in
1957 seeing a farmer with his wife and son, Ed refusing shelter to a
doomed soul. The man screams, begs, swears and howls in terror as
something from the night kills him.
Flash forward to a present day era, Ed
(Lance Henriksen of The Terminator, Aliens, Millenium,Alien 3,
Dead Man, The Quick and the Dead, NCIS and The Blacklist) is
all grown up with a son of his own is now a general goods store man.
Amazingly enough no old guys out widdling wood for pipes or toy
soldiers.
With a gaggle of promiscuous and
rambunctious teenagers (Because don't almost all these movies
start that way?) are out and about dirt biking riding,
partying and getting ready for the big orgy, one of them accidentally
ran over a small boy that happens to be Ed's son. Joel, (John
D'Aquino of SeaQuest DSV, Matlock, Melrose Place, Murder, She Wrote,
Seinfeld, Sliders and Crossing Jordan) drunken dirt biker ass
decides to be worried...about his record and starts freaking out as
the rest of the group came back to the cabin they were staying at for
the weekend. Joel knocks one of his buddies out, rips the phone cord
out of the wall (this is that old timey land line phones many
of you younger readers may not know about) locking him and a
girl in the closet so they can't alert the cops. Apparently he is
on probation for a similar incident. So how many kids has Joel ran
over?
 |
| Man, I hate those kid shaped road cones!! |
Believing the cops are useless, the
loss of his son with the fact his wife died giving birth to their boy
has overwhelmed Ed with grief, that he knows what he must do. Yup
not call the cops or grab a twelve gauge pump hunting the guy down
revenge style. Nosiree, he must journey to visit a crazed witch deep
in the woods who will bind Ed's soul to this revenge golem known only
as Pumpkinhead. Could be a demon too. They were never really clear.
The creature is loosen on the world in search of righteous cruelty.
This demonic entity starts roaming the
woods as Joel starts to reflect on his asshat ways and proceeds to
head out to turn himself into the cops when his girlfriend Maggie
(Kerry Remsen of A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge,
Appointment with Fear, Tribes and Round Numbers) hears her
name being whispered and goes out to investigate because...well
Horror movie obviously. Steve tries to save her but is immediately
gacked by this spindly tall monstrosity and drags Maggie away with
him.
 |
| The dreaded and feared demon, Snappy. He bites. |
Unfortunately given it was his and his
late son's blood to resurrect Pumpkinhead, Ed must bear witness to
the horrors the creature is inflicting on the kids. Regardless of
his need for revenge he cannot stand the sight of these murders.
He begs the old witch to release the
creature and put him back so he can do no more harm but the witch
laughs saying it's too late and once it is done, Ed's final price
will have to be met.
Can Ed lift the curse? Are our hapless
and helpless teens done for? How often does this creature make the
rounds in these here parts?
This film marks Stan Winston's
directorial debut. Many critics were blown away by Winston Studios
monster but felt the plot was lacking. Dave Kehr of the
Chicago Tribune went on the record saying, "As a
technician, Winston clearly knows how to make a monster, but as a
director he was yet to learn how to bring one to life."
Personally the family vengeance angle,
coupled with grieving father driven to near madness was a compelling
idea but the story itself was a bit slow. I mean you have love,
loss a need for revenge and even some redemption and okay so it moves
a bit slow but that also allows for when the creature will strike
next. My only complaint was the creature itself revealed too early.
Do a pee wee or extension arm slash and gutting effect first, then
crank up a wind machine, a bit of lightning to unveil the beastie at
the beginning of the third act.
Lance is what truly keeps this film
interesting. Watching him going through this barrage of emotions is
impressive and brought his "A"game to it.
This is a surprisingly original atmospheric horror film that gets the most mixed reviews.
At the end of the day, I enjoyed it. I
do own a copy of it so that should be proof right there. Impressive
effects, performances are done well and overall not too shabby.
 |
| Pumpkinhead ensures better gun safety regs in the woods. |
Rotten Reelz Reviews Video Review #3: Billy the Kid vs Dracula
The wait is over. The completion has happened. I'm finally done with the damn thing!
Billy the Kid vs Dracula video review is available right here
Enjoy! Or you know, don't. Hey it's a bizarre flick plus my own stuff added to it.
Billy the Kid vs Dracula video review is available right here
Enjoy! Or you know, don't. Hey it's a bizarre flick plus my own stuff added to it.
 |
| I have no pants and took two little blue pills. Muahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! |
Friday, March 16, 2018
Friday, March 9, 2018
Sneak Peek Preview: Axemas
Ah me, the demanding life of a film
reviewer. Hey folk, welcome back to the blog. So thanks to Dustin
Ferguson and the Nemesis 5 review, a colleague and friend of Dustin's
asked if I could give his film a viewing while he is already working
on the sequel. Now how can I ignore that level of hard work, am I
right? Today's film belongs to director/writer/producer/actor John
Ward (Chapman's Storage: Fake Commercial, Axemas, Frames of
Fear 2, and pre-production of Meathook Massacre 4 and post-production
of Axmas 2: Blood Slay). His film is clearly part of a segmented five-part film highlighting five separate directors. This
is Axemas.
 |
| I'm no doctor but you might want that sucking chest wound looked at. |
Our opening title cards is followed by
a mild xylophone playing as we look at a storage unit being broken
into by a bad boy on the naughty list. Our thief (Tommy
Sihavong of Axemas and Frames of Fear 2) didn't hear sleigh
bells ringing and tingling but hears something metal being drug
across the concrete. Naughty or nice, our thief is ready to defend
himself and his ill-gotten gains when "Santa" pitches him
in the storage unit, closes the door and we hear the thief's screams
and that same ripsaw going to work. Yeah that may have even grossed
out Rick and Billy of Silent Night, Deadly Night 1 and 2.
The irony of this comment I wrote, is there are two off-camera characters are
named Rick and Billy.
A simple fade to black (don't
start quoting the song), brings us to a kid on the phone
bored out of his skull, calling buddies over to party the night away.
When you think about it, clean up will be a breeze, cans will go to
recycling and hopefully they aren't using other people furniture to
make out and screw. Oh man, they are totally going to use that
furniture, aren't they?
A planned get together will lock the
place down at 11 and apparently no major security with exception of
cameras on the outside of the building. Hopefully at least a
security guard and a dog?
David (Dillon Wieshuhn of
Daywalker: Blade Origins, Axemas, Drug Z and Amygdala Warrior)
has the keys to the castle...well the storage place and invites his
friends and girlfriend over for some Christmas cheer, in the form of
booze and partying.
"Santa" and his magic murder
bag, dripping of blood from now we can assume chopped up thief parts
are probably making their way to disposal of the body.
 |
| Psst, let's go rattle the walls. Hmm? Ya feel me? |
The storage center overall looks to be
almost two, maybe three blocks in length so our young couples are
looking forward to a bit of fun, drink and some of each other later.
Guys, honestly rent a couple of hotel rooms. Maybe get a cabin for
the weekend. They're pretty reasonable rates if you book months in
advance.
As the kids explore the massive maze
that is the center, somewhere in this huge complex is a blood
spattered Santa (John E. Seymore of Water in the Bay, Tangled
8, Blessid, The Weed Detective, Drug Z and Frames of Fear 2
)creepily singing to himself, enjoying some cookies in his chair when
he hears a few giggles from the girls and guys. Not wanting his
festivities to come to an end, Santa decides to look on these boys
and girls. And THANK YOU for not revealing Santa's face prematurely!
Seriously I cannot thank John Ward
enough to make the proper decision to keep our killer's face
concealed. Maybe he enjoyed the original Black Christmas.
God knows you can't sit through the remake.
Our couples along with David and Sarah
(Ashley Campbell of Atelophobia, Guard Dog, Designated,
Unwritten, Atelophobia: Chapter 2 and Alien Domicile ) are
Chuck (Nathan Scott of The Weed Detective, Drug Z and Frames of
Fear 2) and Liz (Lindsey Cruz of Atelophobia, Rust,
Rust 2, The Radiant One, Atelophobia: Chapter 2 and Drug Z)
and Lee (Mikey Anthony O' Brien of Drug Z, Frames of Fear 2 and
Alice) and Linnea (Kamiko Kawada of Shadows, Not a Care
in the World, Into Paradise and Frames of Fear 2)
The party starts winding down and Chuck
and Liz go off to find their own locker to get busy. Don't blame
them. Probably had to see white folk dance. Trust me, I'm white and
it bugs the crap out of me to see that gyrating mess.
One by One, Santa's coming for you all.
He's checking his list and scratching off those bad kids.
Can they flee to save themselves? Does
one of these units belong to a paranoid NRA gun nut?
 |
| Ah mistaken for firewood. It happens. |
Okay on technical lighting choices and
the fact I have rented a storage unit before, they cannot actually
have the lights off in sections. With that comment out of the way,
the less lighting actually makes the film look creepy. With more
shadows to work with, sounds being amplified by the doors and walls
of corrugated steel, would confuse the hell out of anyone without a
proper sense of direction or carrying a compass.
The subtle touches with the music
played VST (Virtual Studio Technology. Yeah I am becoming an
audiophile.) giving synthesizer and sound effects at the ready
for editing is a Indie budgeted director's dream come true. Good
mood setting, easy story to bring more into it, decent gore effects
and props, I think we got a budding director that simply needs a bit
more funding behind him and he'll spatter the walls with some real
nasty effects. Ward has suspense building, decent tension build up
and proper music stingers.
Cranking out at 25 minutes, the tone
was set, characters are in place and giving decent performances.
This is part of an anthology set (A collection of short stories)
showcasing multiple talents and different directorial styles.
I honestly think with a bit more of a
longer script and maybe two or three more cast members, you could
make a gore fest but I like the more subtle encounters. This isn't
that typical overblown Hollywood Hack'em up with far too many jump
scares, one dimensional characters and far over the top gore effects.
Now yes, you can argue well they didn't
have the length of time as a standard gallon of gore of at least 75
to 90 minutes of bad CGI penetration shots or CGI blood gags.
Ward could buy that software for
editing but I prefer the cut scenes with the aftermath established.
It provides a better visual and the death grimaces on your actors
will always look nastier.
Had some influence from the first
Silent Night, Deadly Night and Halloween 2 to it. Nothing wrong with
that at all.
An old recipe of horror elements, teens
doing dumb things and the enraged psycho made this a fun viewing.
Personally, I hope to see more of what John Ward and his crew have to
offer.
 |
| Don't think even the Ice Cream Bunny will work with Santa now. |
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