Madhouse

Okay there has been requests for schlocky Italian Horror films. I guess Nightmare Beach wasn't pain enough so through the archives of Italy I bring forth Ovidio G. Assonitis (Beyond the Door, Tentacles, Steigler and Steigler, Piranha II: The Spawning and Over the Line), a grade higher than Bruno Mattei but lesser than Dario Argento is the vibe I am getting. And worry not, we have alternative titles. This is Madhouse a.k.a. There Was a Little Girl a.k.a. And When She Was Bad a.k.a. Flesh and the Beast a.k.a. Scared to Death.

Padre Bad Touch: This Fall on NBC.

Huzzah! A myriad of alternative titles! Our story is based haunting a school teacher,Julia (Patricia Mickey of Dean Martin Presents the Golddiggers, Emergency!, The Young and the Restless, Fantasy Island, Simon & Simon, Mistress, The Secret Life of Kathy McCormick and Without Her Consent) for the deaf in the deep south of Georgia. Her memories are deeply scarring apparently. She goes to visit her twin sister that is inflicted with a skin disease and it made her a bit off her nut. Guess her twin sister Mary (Allison Biggers of The Bill Tush Show, Coward of the County, Six Pack, Rearview Mirror, Doorman and Stars and Bars) is completely crackers. Nuttier than a poop log. She vows that Julia will suffer as she has suffered. So that's something they can do together.

Um, good puppers?

Her uncle, Father James (Dennis Robertson of Combat!, Tammy, Marooned, Karen, Cocaine: One Man's Seduction, Bay City Blues and M.A.D.D.: Mothers Against Drunk Drivers) urged Julia to visit twin nutter and boy that went swimmingly. Julia wants to decompress and I would say the stress primarily is from her job and not crazy twin death curse threats. I mean that was a full class room. Bizarre deaths of those close to Julia seems to be occurring, like one of her students Sasha (Richard Baker of Madhouse, Teen Wolf and The Nanny) getting gobbled by a Rottweiler. Could be a coincidence. Probably. Whatever. The neighborhood seems to be under siege by this monster dog as people are being shucked and devoured like so many oysters.  All the attacks seem to be around her childhood house she is staying in. Still potential coincidence?

Clearly she is being female and easily distracted by shoes. Y'know, prick male standard. Psychologist boyfriend Sam (Michael MacRae of Hardcastle and McCormick, Goldie and the Bears, Street Hawk, Hill Street Blues, Hostage Flight, Magnum, P.I., Summer School, 21 Jump Street and Shoot to Kill) has the warmth of a bedpan tells her she's just frazzled. He drops her off at the house and hits the gas. Thankfully her friend Helen (Morgan Most of The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo, Goodtime Girls, Dallas, The Man Who Wasn't There, Simon & Simon, and Legmen) decides to actually not a total asshat like Sam and spend the night with Julia.

Getting a little handsy, Sis!

Julia sleeps like the dead and no sign of Helen anyway. No note on the fridge or by the phone. Crappy friend? Just a bit. Julia just heads to work like it's just another day...with murders.

Uncle James and his parishioner Amantha (Edith Ivey of Little Darlings, Rearview Mirror, Home Fires Burning, Web of Deceit, Grass Roots, Love Potion No. 9, and Stolen Babies) start making their way to the basement for the birthday extravaganza. Good thinking, Padre. Hmm crazy deaths all around the district, time for a party with paper hats and cake! Yup lemonade and crappy gift cards sure do make up for THE DEATH ZONE!

Father James needs to rally as many priests to sanctify the hood. This ground is saturated in gore, sudden deaths and very confused specters. Poltergeists in the Purlieus!

Amantha notices the hefty bag is dribbling. Maybe it's gravy? Maybe it's the secret sauce from Arby's.

Will Mary spoil the party? Is Father James well?

Well a few side notes, our film has some kids getting killed in the film. Yeah that happened. I know many a folk have issues with animals and kids getting hurt, let alone murdered in film. I had to do that particular spoiler. So we have some serious gore in this flick. It is suspenseful and has its twists but felt a few spoilers were needed for tender tummies.

The film is overall shot in the Kehoe House, a formerly single-family mansion in red brick made in 1893, featured Corinthian columns. A few bay windows with single, double and even triple panned windows. Childhood illnesses and dumb kid accidents caused the whispers of kids and/or them singing in the middle of the night. Deemed haunted for decades, many a ghost tour established the Irish Catholic family and its share of terror but recently it was made into a bed and breakfast.

Because who wouldn't want to stay there? According the tourist bureau in Georgia, they are constantly booked, so what the hell do I know.

Deemed a Video Nasty in its day, it took to 2004 to get released in full version but the sound quality is just piss poor. 

Hmm, Pharfo plays rough!

Night

Welcome back readers. I got a request for a movie review by the inspiring director of said creation. With a real team effort, barely a grand in the kitty and nothing but guts and determination, this film was going to made and it was. I love that kind of filming every time. This is Night.

Um...I have to go to the bathroom now.

First time writer/director/producer Nicholas Michael Jacobs (Night) comes a twisted tale of a young girl Judy Stern (Gianna Jacobs of Night) off the streets and into his clutches. We see our man in a ski mask moving around and prepping for the evening's event. We also are treated to him grabbing a bag maybe made of fabric or plastic. Hard to say.  Bit of creeper POV shot showing her just texting, tweeting or possibly Instagram on her smartphone but completely ignoring her surroundings. Also the light source gives away where you are and who isn't with you, young lady.  Stranger Danger!!          

No sweep up and go. You get the mood of a predator stalking his prey. We take a substantial walk as he either knows her habits, routines or direction she normally travels.

About four minutes of stalking and heading up mildly lit streets, a rag makes it across the girl's face and she's his now. Shot like a found footage film, we have background noises of our abductor milling about, reaching for God only knows and for whatever reason.

With his ski mask and Dickies jumpsuit, our torturer/sadist preps the kid for the evening's festivities. Probably wants her awake to feed off her fear and make it all that much more exciting for him. 

A tad young for Saturday Night Fever.

Judy tries to valiantly escape while her captor is getting supplies or cooling off so he doesn't end her too soon but to no avail. No sooner is he roaming the kill house for her, our masked man gets a call. His girlfriend pleading to him to quit slaughtering innocents. Damn, I can't seem to keep a girl to being immature and this nut has a lady that just wants him to stop bathing in the blood of the innocent like he could quit smoking. "Honey a patch a day, and your murder lust dies down."

With six months experience, he boots up to a chat room viewing this live streaming. Umm I don't think this fits in Twitch's bylaws. Gets worse, he is taking requests on what to do with her. Yeah the real villains are the viewers you can't even see.

The sheer horror and futility in her eyes makes it creepier and yeah this feels like a dark Patreon account. That's right, donations to see some evil.

This has the same vibe of guerilla filming to the likes of Tobe Hooper's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So many desperate elements all working in concert with one another.

Technical wise, I saw our cameraman in the shadows a few times following the girl, the editing could shave down some scenes or you just do the cuts in between. Also keep in mind, I am seeing the screener and most of these may have already been tended to.  A few suggestions would be a time wipe and say get supplies earlier in POV at a hardware store and just ask the clerk to look a little unnerved, fade to a interior van driving and some eerie public domain music. Maybe to pan to a tray or cart full of torture implements, zoom to duct tape being pulled taunt, cut a dark room and muffled sobbing.

With maybe $1000 in the kitty, this is gritty, dark and your own mind starts filling in the blanks. It does give a malefic feel to the whole scenario that there would be someone like this doing a live feed giving people jollies.

Suffice to say, while I may have seen the end coming, not everyone will. Not bad first time at bat, just need a bit more technical knowledge and don't be afraid to put a translucent tarp around the camera for blood gags. Hey feel free to take a look yourselves. Night is already available for POV Horror and will be made available at Amazon Prime on March 23^rd. 

Man, this Chucky doll is heavier than I thought.

 

Leprechaun 3

Hey gang! Hope everyone is having a decent St. Patty's Day. How do you celebrate it? Green beer, Haggis? A few rounds of the sweet science in the manly art of boxing? Enough corned beef and cabbage gas build up to clear bats from a coal mine? Or do you suffer one of the worse continuities in Horror history? Join me for Warwick Davis paying the bills. This is Leprechaun 3.

He's filling another pot right now.

Okay for those not on the up and up, the Leprechaun in Movie 1 (hey that rhymed!) was given a four leaved clover enema from Jennifer Aniston's former nose. Apparently the little bastard was as stable as nitroglycerine as he blew up the well his three foot five inch ass dropped into. Also his gold was a hundred coins. Movie 2, this leprechaun's gold consisted of jewelry, he lost his weird as Hell teleportation powers, now casts illusions and has voice mimicry and claims to be 2,000 years old versus the 600 year old from the first. Their half-assed conclusion to continuity? Um...different leprechaun but they all look alike? That is Species profiling dammit!! And now, onto our magnum opus part 3.

Stay off the moors!!  No wait.  You're all doomed!  DOOOOMED!

YET ANOTHER leprechaun apparently cursed into stone as (and I kid you not) a one-eyed, one-armed, one-legged man takes this grotesque statue in claiming it is a good luck charm but he is behind in his bills. Yeah, if the first film is anything to go by, you're a pawn shop dealer, you're gonna die in a ridiculous fashion. Seriously, the first guy died by pogo stick. Yup a dark and morbid tale only to be told around a bonfire as you are pickled.

Unlucky Pirate warns the pawnshop keeper in true Crazy Ralph fashion to not remove the medallion around the leprechaun's neck, so of course he does. Oh look another new form of warding off the leprechaun. Guess they are light on four leaf clovers in Nevada. The hideous seventies medallion causes much fear in the twerp but shopkeeper still gets pummeled to death with a shilleah. Again not a pogo stick, so upgrade?

Oh and movie, skip the eerie music scores. You're a Leprechaun sequel. Not a Hammer film.

Almost Jodie Foster...minus talent.

Don't worry! More gold inconsistencies here too. This little frosted, lucky bowl of donkey feces has Shillings in spite the face them having Charles III, King of Spain... wait. What? Doubloons yes, Schillings, no. Doubloons is Spanish gold. Schillings are English gold. Unless his armada set sail for the English channels, conquered the known British Isles and then had his goofy head stamped and molded on English gold, then it's a fricking Doubloon!!!!! DO YOUR HOMEWORK, DAMMIT!!!

Screw it. On to the star of our drama, Scott McCoy (John Gatins of Witchboard 2, Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings, Another Day in Paradise, Big Fat Liar, The Nines and Norbit) one of the pesky kids that dares upset a supernatural being. Young Scott is on his way to California to enroll in college but has a stop off in Vegas. I'm guessing the folks gave him some scratch or maybe Scotty boy saved some money. As he makes his way to the Lucky Shamrock Casino. Yeah, in case it slipped your mind, this is a Leprechaun movie.  Subtle as a hammer to the nut sack, movie.

Director Brian Trenchard-Smith (The Dragon Flies, Tyrannosaurus Azteca a.k.a. Aztec Rex, Artic Blast and Drive Hard) was...present when film was inserted into the cameras as this was being filmed. Lighting and sound crew are spot on. Writer David DuBos (Future Shock, Playback, Cradle of Lies, Seagulls and Bayou Tales) wrote...dialogue. Presumably. I mean I heard words and sentences that didn't sound like adult speech patterns but yeah he created this turkey.

I would also point out the Lucky Shamrock looks an awful lot like the Ambassador Hotel in L.A.and a bit like the Golden Nugget in Vegas. Hmm... See, I would have written it directly in the Nugget. Our prep is a gold fiend, he's in Vegas. Let's get him a week at the Bunny Ranch and about 50 large to hit the tables and wheels. Easy Peasy.

Scott is gobsmack over a magician's assistant, Tammy (Lee Armstrong of Classic Stories for Children, Leprechaun 3 and Magic Island) and the two of them hit it off almost immediately. I would also point out that neither feel as though they are overly burdened by schooling and I beg them NOT TO BREED.   Blocks of Concrete: The Movie. No there is absolutely no chemistry between these two and why would there be?  It's a Horror movie, were the antagonist needs teleportation or ridiculous children's toys to get him to and fro.  This isn't Vorhees who can take long strides over an entire lake filled with cabins.  Look, I am not expecting From Here to Eternity but the dialogue being spewed out is clunky, sounds like a guy that's never had a real relationship in his life and Tammy's isn't any better.  We get she's bitter on Vegas but at the same time her facial expressions doesn't underline it at all.

Tammy's boss Fazio (voice actor John DeMita of Vampire Hunter D, Princess Monoke, Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust, Black Mask and Jumper) is said talented magician and a total knob. Background!

Anyway, Willow bites Scotty boy and it starts to morph him. Yep more power inconsistencies. Transmogrifying him in to a new leprechaun and they shall enslave Vegas and rule ze world!!! Sure. Why the hell not. Sounds tons better than the actual reason. Hey maybe the leprechaun just wanted his own college boy via BDSM. It could happen. Scotty the gimp. Yeah I could believe that story. He probably will plow Tammy in front of gimpy just for added sadistic pleasures. Okay I made this flick creepier and in poor taste. You're welcome!

Eventually Scott and Tammy make their way into the pawn shop, discover the McGuffin and... you know? I don't care. This is slow paced, poorly thought out, a monster that attacks your ankles isn't scary and I was bored off my ass. Gore fans? The effects are decent but we have a body count of five. OooOoOOo!!!! Again not Michael Myers or Jason Vorhees height so I am amazed at the five count.

On further scrutiny, I discovered Caroline Williams (Stretch of Texas Chainsaw Massacre II,Models Inc., The Division, Zombie's Halloween II, Hatchet III, Sharknado 4: The 4^th Awakens and Blood Feast) and voice actor/character actor Argentinean marvel Marcelo Tubert (Lands of Lore III, Charmed, Batman Beyond, ER, The West Wing, Days of Our Lives and G.I. Joe: Retaliation) had bills to pay and this check cleared them.  Hey at least Marcelo and Caroline's scenes were funny.  I loved her "meh" attitude and she has a rather bizarre scene.  Spoilers, a death scene.

Who I would recommend this to? Gitmo for torturing information. Um parents with unruly children. Hospitals that need to clear the coma wing. College kids for a drinking game. Happy St. Patty's!!

Dare ya to lick it.

Fantastic Four: World's Greatest Heroes

Hey folks. Back again. So looking through the archives of pseudo successful Marvel films, I speak of the moderate high Marvel was enjoying from Fantastic Four in 2005 and its lackluster sequel in 2007. We will gloss over the 2015 film because, I never bother to watch it. For all I know, Doom is a habitual basement-dwelling nerdling that masturbates constantly and dreams of ruling the world. 

During the staple of Marvel Movie Madness prior to the last ten years, that Moonscoop Productions (Code Lyoko, Bunny Maloney, SamSam and Tara Duncan) with Marvel's blessing, to project the titanic tetrad into action. This is Fantastic Four: World's Greatest Heroes.

HULK SMASH!!

What separates them from The Avengers, Defenders, X-Men and hell we even throw in the Champions is they were explorers and adventurers prior to their power set. An experimental rocket test flight bombarded our curious quartet with cosmic rays, forever altering their DNA with untold powers. Funny you'd think NASA would be sending up military for truckloads of powered beings. Buckets of Heroes!!! Mind you, there would always be a handful of men and women using their powers for their own end, instead of saving the day. Hmm, cancel cargo caravan of cosmic cronies.

Professor Reed Richards, a brilliant cross-discipline scientist, Test pilot and war hero Ben Grim, Hothead, hot rodder Johnny Storm and constant den mother (still bad ass) Susan Storm compiled a group of heroes that operated more like a family than just teammates.

Dare we say, you are DOOOMED??!!

Keep in mind the inception of Reed Richards was in the sixties and I think they just followed the Doc Savage pulp fiction formula. Y'know men capable of multiple PHDs. Either that or the intelligence quota was just higher and men yearned more for science. Yes ladies, Sue gets more of a role than girl hostage like she did in the sixties. Yeah girls can fight too. Who knew? Never saw that in G.I. Joe, Thundercats, Silverhawks and...oh wait, YES I DID! Johnny's a smart ass and constantly pranking the Thing and yeah we love him for it, dammit.

Unlike its 1994 previous work, this rendition of Fantastic Four is fun, clever and action-packed. Naturally we have the rivalry of Doctor Doom and Richards. The anime style artwork really enhances the story, we have a real sense of the team's dynamics and yes we get a good old smack down between Yancy Street's blue-eyed Thing vs gamma and rage fueled Hulk. Private and public property damage is assured when these two throw cowboy.

Fight sequence or Tai Chi?

There's a drinking or calculator game. Hell, make it both. For all damages, what improvised throwing weapon crunched out of a car, manhole cover or mailbox and how many buildings are trashed.

When not being threatened by cosmic war mongers, tin plated dictators with delusions of godhood and villainous plots, the foursome is engaging in one of Mr. Fantastic's science experiments, procedures or newest technical jiggery pokery. Mishaps into the Negative Zone, exploration into space (Because Richards perfected a vehicle capable of leaving our solar system!!) or reverse engineering Skrull and Kree technology. Seriously, the crosswords do nothing to entertain this guy's mind.

Best part of this series? The humor. It feels natural, fluid and works well with the action. This is cartoons done right. Avengers Assemble and Young Justice must have been taking notes because this was the first cartoon next to Justice League I felt got the characters and their psyche downpat.

Understand, the 1994 power packed Saturday morning series to be alongside, The X-Men, Iron Man, Spider-Man and The Hulk were not really good stories, the dialogue was clunky and it was kind of painful to sit through. Out of that whole alumni, I liked the X-Men series and even still wasn't blown away by the stories garbling more than 40 years of writing.

This 26 episodes is found in three volumes that was released in 2010 and I am not aware of any reprints. They're out there though, folks. Get them while you can.  Even though Moonscoop is gone now.

What age bracket would I recommend this for? Uh, all ages. Whether you are a newbie to the franchise or an old school follower of the comics (John Byrne and Chris Clarmont era for me), you can easily find something to love about it. Naturally it has been off the air since 2010.

Ho boy...

Death Proof

Hump Day! Yeah this week has been slipping by. Sinuses have been delightful. So I thought we would do some Tarantino from the double feature, Grindhouse. The Plant Terror segment was directed by Robert Rodriguez.   The term Grindhouse establishes marque or drive-ins exploitation films using vulgar language, sexual themes and extreme depictions of violence. The criteria biker flicks, slasher horror films and English Dubbed Martial Arts films. So with that, howzabout Kurt Russell as a villain, lovely ladies lives on the line and near indestructible car. This is Death Proof.

Girls' road trip!

Our story opens with the usual seventies style font for title cards, musical score piping through and confirming Tarantino's foot fetish. Oh sorry, did folks not know about that?

Three friends hit a bar in Texas to celebrate disk jockey "Jungle" Julia Lucai (Sydney Tamiia Poitier of Veronica Mars, Blues, Knight Rider, Kendra, Chicago P.D.and Carter), Shanna (Jordan Ladd of Embrace of the Vampire, Never Been Kissed, The Specials, Cabin Fever, Madhouse, Hostel: Part II and Robot Chicken)and Arlene (Vanessa Ferlito of 24, Spider-Man 2, Man of the House, Shadowboxer, CSI: NY, Graceland and NCIS: New Orleans) for two reasons, Jungle gets top slot and it's her birthday. The girls are hanging, gabbing and a bit of boy talk. Julia states on a radio announcement that her friend, "Butterfly" will give a free lap dance to the contestant that buys her a drink and quotes a passage from Robert Frost's Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening. Some chicks are just demanding that way.

This is not a time period piece unless smartphones learned time travel. Arlene swears she saw the guy prior but our boy Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell of The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes, Love, American Style, Superdad, Elvis and Used Cars) got her a drink and managed a recite pretty damn well. He earned his lap dance, one would conclude.

I'm so not blowing Kurt Russell....again.

The girls' party starts petering out and one of their friends Pam (Rose McGowan of Scream, Phantoms, Jawbreaker, Ready to Rumble, Charmed, Planet Terror and Nip/Tuck) needs a lift and Stuntman Mike is more than able to oblige.. His ride is unique. 100% Death Proof. That would make a decent sales pitch for a used car lot, right? He neglected to mention, you have to be on his side of the car. He peels out, finds Julia and party and smashes in them in such a fashion, it looks like the girls plowed right into him.

With his alcohol levels practically nil and the girls' higher than a Georgia pine, Mike is written off as the victim but Sheriff McGraw (Earl Parks of Arizona Heat, Twin Peaks, Sorceress, From Dusk Til Dawn, 13 Moons, Kill Bill: Vol.1, The Librarians, Kill Bill: Vol. 2, One Night with You and Red State) swears otherwise. With no hard evidence, he reluctantly let's Mike scram.

That'll buff right out.

14 months later, Mike is back to his old tricks again as he spots three good looking girls, Abernathy (Rosario Dawson of Josie and the Pussycats, The Rundown, Alexander, Sin City, Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage, Iron Fist and The Defenders), Kim (Tracie Thoms of Wonderfalls, Descent, Cold Case, Safe House, Looper and Raze) and Lee (Mary Elizabeth Winstead of Passions, Wolf Lake, Sky High, Scott Pilgrim vs.the World, Live Free or Die Hard and Fargo)

at a convenience store, snapping pics of them. Probably wanking in his car as well. Mike's kind of a scumbag as you may have figured out.

If Kurt's world is black &white, it just got a little cooler.

The girls are picking up a friend of theirs, Zoe Bell. (Zoe Bell of Billy Elliot, Angel of Death, Gamer, Whip It, Bitch Slap, Fallout: New Vegas, Raze and Mercenaries) Stuntwoman extraordinaire, buddy and race car junkie. She tells the girls she wants to test drive a 1970 Challenger, the same make and model of the 1971 flick, Richard C. Sarafian's Vanishing Point starring Barry Newman and Cleavon Little. The owner is reluctant until Abernathy tells the owner that Lee is in porn and will be staying behind while they test drive the car.

THANKS Abernathy!!

Will Stuntman Mike make another crack up? Will the girls be victimized? Will I keep the spoilers to a minimum?

And now a few film facts!!! Yeah hold your applause, those that are fleeing. Okay,

a)  The jukebox that is seen in the bar is actually our director, Quentin Tarantino's own personal jukebox that was trucked in and the list of albums are made by his discretion.

b) Stuntman Mike's rides are a 1969 Dodge Charger and a 1970 Chevy Nova.

c) Zoe Bell being a stunt double for Uma Thurman in the Kill Bill Vol 1 and 2 was expecting to be an extra but in fact was surprised when Tarantino gave her the lead heroine role instead. How do you break that news? With a blown up pic of her on the cover of your film. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Lastly, d) This film is presented in chronological order and zero flashbacks!!! DOES NOT COMPUTE!!

On the ego killing front, this movie came out in 2007, which ages Kurt Russell at 56 and STILL his arms look like spun steel. Sorry, sorry. Just trying to bulk up. Hey we got a Wilhelm scream addition.

We also have characters from the zombie horror, Robert Rodriguez Planet Terror making appearances as this was events happening leading up to their film. The scratchy effect of the daily footage, cigarette burns and jump cuts are all on purpose to give a next to no budget exploitation flick and homage to the 70s. They actually used razor blades to scrape the footage rather than that cheesy digital overlay effect in post production. Yeah I can do that effect too, so I can appreciate the extra effort that went into this.

With Zoe doing her own stunts, I would be piss scared if anything happened to her but hey I am glad I didn't have to make that call. From lighting and music cues, it reminds me of Friday the 13^th meets Race with the Devil. Simple story, good looking cast and some quality tunes. Dark story it may be, impressive nonetheless.

Cruisin' and jammin' to tunes.  Dear God I'm old.

Constantine: City of Demons

Well who knew there would be entertainment in 2018? Back again gals and guys, I am checking out some DC Comics animated. This ran 6 minutes apiece webisodes voiced by Matthew Ryan who played John Constantine in CW's live action series. DC's supernatural shamus, magi and all around pain in the ass is back and up to his hips in paranormal activities. This is Constantine: City of Demons.

Bloody Imp! Gimme my ciggies back!

With a flashback sequence of Constantine in Ravenscar Asylum, and his buddy Chas trying to bolster enthusiasm, you can tell Chas loves John like a brother. Yup, a Newcastle event flashback.

Johnny Boy is his usual gloom and doom self, wallowing in his standard self-pity in a Liverpool flophouse when signs of darkness start showing him evil is not only on the rise but plans to drown everything in a tide wave of terror. For example: A physical manifestation of his subconscious inner demons. The size of imps clawing and biting him. His old friend Chas (Damian O' Hare of Fable, The Royal, Risen, Fable III, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings, Assassin's Creed III and CSI: Crime Scene Investigation) shows up at John's doorstep after 9 years of being happily married and having a daughter when she fallen into a mysterious coma, that science cannot determine cause or origin. Hmm dark magics perhaps?

With an innocent's life and very soul on the line, John grabs his kit and assorted mystical nick knacks and is on the case. With seasoned cartoon/Sci-Fi and comic book graphic style writer J.M. DeMatteis (The Real Ghostbusters, Superboy, Earth: Final Conflict, Justice League, Justice League Unlimited,Legion of Superheroes, Ben 10: Ultimate Alien and Young Justice) taking graphic novelist/comic book writer Alan Moore (Swamp Thing, Hellblazer, Watchmen, V for Vendetta) magi detective and running him through the ringer.

The Doll and the Demon: Coming this fall on CW.

With Chas' blessing, John proceeds to do that voodoo he do so well as he observes Trish (Laura Bailey of Diablo III: Reaper of Souls, Vampire Knight, Avengers Assemble, Batman Unlimited, Batman: Arkham Knight, Digimon Fusion and Spider-Man) to see her very mind is in torment.

John extends a call to a specialist, Asa the Nightmare Nurse (also Laura Bailey), a demoness that adheres to her mistress Alice Winter, in the hopes a second opinion can reach a better conclusion. Big shocker, John's knocked boots with her. He does get around. A bippity boppity boo later, and Nightmare concludes the girl's soul is missing or rather taken. (quick nerdy facts, Asa actually possesses Alice and does good deeds in spite of being a demon and is a member of Justice League Dark, the mystical heavyweights of the JLA)

What's happen, spell slinger?

With a demon appearing through Nightmare, taunting John and telling him to make his way to the City of Angels. Yeah, it's going to be one of those cases. Chas insists on coming with John to L.A. Whether that is for his protection, his daughter's soul or if needs be punching John has yet to be revealed.

Sid Vicious in rehab YET AGAIN.

Nightmare Nurse and Renee (Emily O' Brien of Rogue One: Recon- A Star Wars 360 Experience, Guardians of the Galaxy: The TellTale Series, Batman: The Enemy Within, Paranormal Activity: The Lost Soul and Dishonored: Death of the Outsider), Chas' wife girl talk about Chas and Constantine being friends since they were 10, forming a punk band and getting into the wrong club in Newcastle. Yup it always comes back to Newcastle for you Constantine fans.

With an address presented via Hellfire; John and Chas make their way to 1247 Enstrom. Clearly the trap is there but John already knew that. Well with a bit of a piggish butler, our duo make their way in a gothic house looking to be constructed in the 1920s. Don't kid yourselves about Spanish Colonial, kiddies. These stone and mason jobs are pretty common on the coast, if you have the bucks. Granted I wouldn't step foot one in it without a team of exorcists and unlicensed nuclear accelator on my back but that's just me. Probably some cold iron and salt too. For those playing the home game, this is a house of extremely bad juju. If the owner offers to let you join him in the pool, SKIP IT!

The demon Beroul (Jim Meskimen of Lego Marvel Superheroes: Avengers Reassembled, StarCraft II: Nova Covert Ops, The Last Tycoon, World of Warcraft: Legion, Final Fantasy XV, Avengers Assemble and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) greets John for a game of wits, cunning and downright underhanded deviousy. All John's hallmarks. Seriously don't be letting the kiddies watch this particular animated movie unless you like paying gargantuan therapy bills.

With a few obscure notions, rings of truth and random babbles, a contest is underway between Beroul and John. He's a glutton, bored and frankly a bit of a knob.

Beroul has many competition for the souls of L.A.and makes business topside difficult but Beroul has many names and many designs. He mustn't have anyone else fouling the waters. He has coffers to fill.

The personification of Los Angeles comes before John and makes a plea that he rids her town of the demonic scourge that runs rampant. Gonna fight five ranking demons? Better have a pretty big stick.

Overall, this feels like it came right off the pages of Hellblazer, clever snark from Constantine, Matthew Ryan has got his number of good and bad. The artwork is similar to that of the New 52 approach of the animated films such as: Batman and Son, Justice League War, Flashpoint and Reign of the Supermen. It's dark, eerie and all things in John's corner of the supernatural. Plenty of tongue in cheek gags, gore and things and monsters getting ripped up.

Again I cannot stress enough, parents DO NOT let the little ones watch this. Clearly the big kids viewing. So if you enjoy 90 minutes of a blonde git in a tie and trench coat constantly pissing off demons, devils and the damned, this is a fine edition to Constantine.

Demon and chiropractor.

Overlord

Back again, girls and boys! It has come to my attention from some of the fans that older films aren't completely grabbing enthusiasm. That's fine. I can manage a few modern films for reviewing pleasure. I would point out of course, I am the one watching these flicks. The decree has been heard nonetheless and today I thought we would take a look at a Bad Robot Production. With JJ Abrams' production company footing the bill, what say we watch some Nazis getting their just due? This is Overlord.

No jagoffs, I'm not Kurt. That's my dad.

Directed by Julius Avery (Little Man, Solvent, The Tank, Son of a Gun and Overlord) We open with the sounds of news reels depicting the events to happen, footage of the fleets at the ready and the mission ready to go. At the cusp of D-Day, an American paratrooper squad is sent to destroy a German radio outpost when their plane is shot down before reaching their objective. With enough AA fire through the cab, the plane is roached and the men gotta hit the silk or be just as dead.

With five survivors of the crash, Sergeant Rensin (Bokeem Woodbine of The Rock, The Big Hit, The Breed, Sniper 2, Saving Grace, Southland, Riddick and Spider-Man: Homecoming) in command alongside his men; Pvt.Boyce (Jovan Adepo of Blood Relatives, NCIS: Los Angeles, The Leftovers, Fences, and Mother!), Demolitions expert,Corporal Ford (Wyatt Russell of Escape from L.A., Soldier, Cowboys & Aliens, This is 40, Love and Honor, 22 Jump Street and Everybody Wants Some!!), sniper Pvt.Tibbet (John Magaro of Crisis in Six Scenes, War Machine, Orange Is the New Black, Marshall, Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan, Overlord and The Umbrella Academy), plucky war photographer Pvt.Chase (Iain De Caestecker of 16 Yars of Alcohol, River City, Taggart, Lip Service, Ultimate Spider-Man, Not Another Happy Ending and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.) and Pvt.Dawson (Jacob Anderson of Injustice, Demons Never Die, Skins, Episodes, Comedown, Broadchurch and Game of Thrones).

How about a little fire, Scarecrow?!

Aside from being a little banged up, the team gear up and move out. Dawson finds a landmine, the hard way and well that's all she wrote. The rest of the team beat feet into a village and they encounter a young French woman name of Chloe (Mathilde Ollivier of Walking Home, The Misfortunes of Francois Jane and Overlord) who attends her little brother and aunt; the latter disfigured from some top secret experimentation via the SS.

Making the rounds on a routine check point, SS Haupsturmfuhrer Wafner (Pilou Asbaek of Lucy, Silent Heart, 1864, A War, Ben-Hur, The Great Wall,bGhost in the Shell and Game of Thrones) stops by to sexually harass Chloe with a fashion of practice. Boyce and Ford jack him up and hold him hostage for interrogation and boy is he a sour Kraut. Yup, the Ratzis are back into the supernatural and occult. Cue Wolfenstein music! With B.J. Blazkowicz and Dr. Jones unavailable for Nazi ass kicking, our team must venture this dangerous mission on their own.

Ze Master Race needs a makeover ASAP!

Making their way into the church itself and the smell of cooked bodies wafts the countryside. They say tower and it is a heavy portcullis (heavy grated gate), barbed wire, truck and foot traffic to the likes that would have sent Force 10 from Navarone fleeing into the night.

Deep in the catacombs, Boyce is witnessing first hand how the experiments are going on these poor Frenchmen and brother bring a bucket for yuck. Further exploration and he finds Rosenfeld (Dominic Applewhite of The King's Speech, The Inbetweeners, Watson & Oliver, Sightseers, Les Miserables, Disobedience and The Crown), fellow paratrooper and Boyce's buddy.

With only five men, a handful of explosives and a Frenchwoman, our troops got their work cut out for them.

A creepy serum (No Vita Rays for your Captain America fans) seems to have resurrection capabilities, enhancing strength and creating a denser skin properties. Yeah not gonna go wrong there.

Let me root for Jovan Adepo's Boyce. This kid's got chops. Plunging into a lake, doesn't panic, saws through the chute and gets air in no time. Hits dry land, immediately checks his .45 and starts looking for survivors. Grabs a rifle no longer having an owner, clears it and heads into the woods. I'm damn impressed for a kid barely out of boot camp.  Let's not forget that is paratrooper Airborne training though. Yeah for us civvies, he is Special Forces.  He has a true arc of being scared out of his mind but being there for his squad.

Ewww...juicy.

Wyatt Russell's Ford cares about the mission and his men. His own life doesn't even enter the equation. He can't help but give a damn about the villagers as well. If he was always a hard ass, he couldn't have ever lived with himself .

Now the big argument for the war buffs will be African Americans weren't integrated into making mixed paratroopers. The 555 (African American Paratroopers) never went over seas in spite of being combat ready. Blah blah blah.

The radio tower didn't have one piece of German electronics in it. I saw a Navy unit (USA) and I believe a British receiver. Okay it's a nitpick but dammit howzabout the prop guys hammer together a decent prop and light board. Just give the illusion. I'm not saying hit every TV and radio show up and down the coast but give the pretense is all.

I swear, somebody fart on this plane again, they going without a chute.

With this seemingly WWII flick gets violent, has a solid past, great cast and crew and is a definite popcorn movie. With a hybrid of horror/sci-fi and war time action, this gives a creepy and clever storyline. Yes we have seen the Nazis muck about with supernatural, science based zombies, werewolves and Cro-magnon sex camps. This is trying for something different and combining it with the impeding D-Day event just gives it more.

At the end of the day, this 109 minute flick has more ups than downs. You want to dissect it and play Devil's Advocate over every factual facet, that's for you.   Me?   I had fun but I really wished I hadn't eaten dinner during it.