Friday, January 29, 2016

Within the Woods: Camp Blood 3

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to this blog...another sequel rears its head. Hey folks and yes I cannot stay away from Brad Sykes' awful movies. It is becoming like a drug I swear. Yes I too was shocked to find out people are still giving this jagoff money "craft" some stories once again but I think he has a rich uncle or he is a coke mule. Pick one. That being said our story differs quite a bit from the previous films. So suck it up, take some Dramamine for the lack of a stabilizer and get ready for acting more wooden than the woods themselves. This is Within the Woods a.k.a. Camp Blood 3.

Well if you don't answer, I am just going to get naked and prone.

When last we were at Camp Blackwood, Tricia was stalked by an lunatic in a clown mask and ill-fitting jumpsuit. First her lesbian nature guide tried to off her and all her friends, then she went back to the woods with a film crew and cast only to be the survivor. I was hoping they would maybe make Tricia snap and be the new clown... but that bit of simplistic writing just ain't gonna happen.

Years have passed since Tricia's run-in with insane, be-jump suited serial killing sisters and an insipid reality TV show producers Tony (David Sobel of Wish Me Luck, Death Row the Tournament, CSI, Dragnet and Las Vegas) has conned er um I mean convinced five contestants to spend 24 hours at Blackwood a.k.a. Camp Blood for a million dollar prize. Folks, for a cool tax free million that clown would be carved into brisket. That being said Tony hires a stuntman to play the "Clown" in order to scare the contestants off and get some jump scares. Big question? One day event is going to generate what revenue? At least a week would give you the potential chance of creating multiple sites for the same gag because reality TV seems to be the modern day equivalence of game shows.

Nu-View camera gave a decent effect here.

But said stuntman isn't the only one running through the woods so let's meet our soon-to-be stereotypes/victims. We got the jock doofus Russ (Phil Lander of Zombie Nation, Black Dahila, XPW: Cold Day in Hell and Attack of the Slime People), scrapper goth tomboy Mel (Denise Lorraine of Diamond and Sphinx, Daniel & Isabelle, I Stand Here Ironing and Chase 'n Madi), pop singer/songwriter Kat (Erin Holt of Mutation, Office of the Dead, Some Sunny Day, The Playhouse and Bloodsucka Jones), bored rich kid Nolan (Adam Van Conant of Say It Again, Sam, Within the Woods and Driftwood) and bouncy jiggly girl Jessica (Stephanie Mathis of Operation Shock and Awe...some, Losing Faith, The Hangover and Get Him to the Greek).

So ignoring the mythos that has already been poorly written, the technical scale has improved and the characters are actually written like human beings. Slowly one by one they are getting knocked off. What's that? Not enough people for a body count? Well you are quite correct. So how about a nudey model and her Belgian photographer get iced by the Clown? Yeah I can imagine you didn't see that one coming at all. Will there be any survivors at all? Will anyone care about that million dollars when their very lives hang in the balance? And what about Timmy trapped in the well?

Okay there are a few improvements since the last two films. Technical wise, the camera work is better, there are actual night time acts and the lighting from that was impressive and the FX is still pretty spot on. That being said however, could anyone enlighten Sykes that a machete is a slashing weapon and not a piercing one? Also giving your slasher teleportation and superhuman strength is way too Jason Vorhees for my taste. Jason is an undead, mongoloid hillbilly so that is pretty commonplace for him. And yes that classification is all my creation and you are welcome. There is no real tension to speak of in spite of the attempts to ratchet it up but no fault to cinematographer when this is what is the director's vision and he needs a paycheck. Furthermore, going out into the scrub brush of Santa Clarita is kinda silly. 

Big Bear is about 40 miles away and TRUST ME there is enough trails that would be safe for folks to run around in.   Lots of ridges, streams and hey a bunch of trees!!! Still love El Jocko fleeing from the clown and his run is more effeminate that Hugh Grant's in Four Weddings and a Funeral. 

Shh, I think I just heard a crappy plot premise.

Saturday, January 23, 2016

A sequel like no other: Camp Blood 2- The Revenge

Hiya folks! I am back, feeling decent and felt you all need to suffer from a sequel. No need to thank me all at once. Sadly I felt it was not enough to sit through the pathetic Nu-View video process that isn't even 35mm translation. Yup it was the cinematic masterpiece known as Camp Blood. Yes where a deranged loopy in a jumpsuit and ill fitting clown mask was cutting up teens played by twenty somethings like they were spare ribs. So what could possibly suggest the need for a sequel? Sadly, money. Yes author/director Brad Sykes who brought us such gems as: Babes in the Woods, Mad Jack. The Coven, Demon's Kiss, Scream Queen and Death Factory. Surely you recall my snarking on Death Factory where the factory in question was a warehouse that was shingled with sheet metal, the sounds reverberated and NOBODY WAS MIKED!!! This is Camp Blood 2 a.k.a. Camp Blood II- The Revenge.

Clown vs the stoner!

So if this feels like the regurgitation of the first movie, well yes it would be. Our lone survivor Tricia (Jennifer Ritchkoff of Camp Blood, Harrington’s Notes, Camp Blood 2, Spin City, Spartan and Angel Wishes: Journey of a Spiritual Healer) basically got mocked by the cops with their quick trip around the woods for about 2 weeks as they canvased the area so they had her committed instead. Dude, that mountain range is friggin huge and you need a lot of boots on the ground but what would I know? The only person that is even listening to Tricia is sleazy, swarmy film maker Worth Milligan (Garrett Clancy of Detonator, Dead 7, Scooter Kidz, Unseen Evil 2 a.k.a. Alien 3000 and Blood Legend) who is conning Tricia to go back to the scene of the crime and walk his crew through what happened so he can tell her story... and cash in on the rights to it, maybe pander a movie and a book deal and completely screw her out of any residuals.

Reluctantly (and wouldn't you be?) Tricia agrees to this insanity to be a technical adviser as they journey to planet LV-426 without a platoon of colonial marines and..oh wait that's Aliens and I would much rather watch that instead. The douche nozzle, casting couch director picks his cast including a jiggly girl that looks about 70. Seriously this sun bunny while very tone, her face looks like a saddle bag with eyes. One of the girls Adrienne Palmer (reference to Adrienne King and Betsy Palmer of Friday the 13th. Clever huh?) doesn't get the part immediately thanks to sleazeball director fawning over jiggly girl. It would appear that jiggly girl bowed out of production, when in fact she was done in by the Clown? Who left his woods, got a lift 60 miles back to L.A. , got her address, picked the locks and did her in? Plot hole you say? Nay, it be a plot chasm.

Totally dead...Seriously...

Douchy director then let's it slip to Tricia they will be filming at the actual Camp Blackwood a.k.a. Camp Blood for the duration of the film to bring realism to the characters and credibility to the story. I personally loved his shabby office with the 8 x 10 posters on the way of other Sterling Entertainment films. The acting isn't as wooden as the previous film but that is like comparing two pieces of crap and deciding, "Well, this one doesn't smell as bad as the other." I think they are using the actual NuView camera (A camcorder adaption to create 3-D film for weddings, graduations and other family gatherings) as a prop but I honestly think they may have two cameras this time.

Do you care who lives and who dies? You're not going to watch it! For independent horror sequels that mirror every slasher in the woods, go watch Bloody Murder 2. At least the acting, production value and music is a vast improvement over this smeg stain.

So I am thinking Anne Hathaway as you.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Polished Turd or Hidden Gem: Knock Off

Welcome one and all to Polished Turd or Hidden Gem Week. Quick question: What is the single easiest genre to numb your mind and just carry your woes away? Nope, not a Romantic Comedy. Nice guess. Horror? Well if you are rooting for the slasher/vampire/werewolf/zombies then I suppose but I am speaking of the genre that takes all stereotypes, tropes and cliches, churns them like butter and tries to make a new spin on an old thing. Yup, action movies are the correct answer or at least the answer I was looking for. Whether it is buddy cops working out their differences in ethnic,age or sex, femme fatales, jiggly girls or bad ass women with cheeseball lines and a villain so over-the-top Jeremy Irons from Dungeons and Dragons would say, “Oh be a good chap and tone it down a bit.” So we combine the martial arts of the Muscles from Brussels, some Chinatown damage with moves and melee weapons, some explosions and a few hot girls to go with? Well this is Knock Off.

Oh God... I fell... right on my keys.

Marcus Ray (Jean Claude Van Damme of Bloodsport, Kickboxer, Double Impact, Universal Soldier, Double Team and Expendables 2) is feeling things are finally going his way. After being a designer fashion impostor giving nearly the right look to a low end piece of dog crap, he is off to start his new company with a designer jean label. With his contacts, his all-female staff and his equally sexist partner Tommy (Rob Schneider of Saturday Night Live, Judge Dredd, Down Periscope, The Hot Chick, Shark Bait and Norm of the North), a slick weasel with a head for figures they are on their way to bask in fortune..buuuuUuuuuut... imagine if you will a fine looking insurance agent Karen Lee (Lela Rochon of Boomerang, Gang Related, Why Do Fools Fall in Love, Waiting to Exhale, Brooklyn's Finest, Blood Done Sign My Name and Supremacy) tells the boys that the last shipment of their jeans were not only cheaply made but frauds to begin with (Yeah I am already tired of writing knock off) and unless they get their cargo manifests fixed they will owe the company close to 5 million.

Getting with his mischievous, underhanded brother from another mother Eddie Wang (Wyman Wong of Who's the Man, Who's the Woman, Gang xing sian sheng, United We Stand and Swim, Bit luen, Love Undercover and 12 Golden Ducks) who tells Marcus that he was paid a lot to move some shipments around and make a batch of bamboozlement and no one is the wiser.

In Soviet Russia, bullet sales buy blue jeans!

Did I mention Soviets have developed a micro bomb about the size of a watch battery that can be set off by any electronic chirp or motion of so much as turning it on and off?? So Hong Kong police not thrilled with our duo dupers, Chinese gangs and street punks and finally the Soviets want their balls as well.

Can Marcus and Tommy make it out alive?? Will there be more explosions than a Michael Bay flick? Will poor Lela have to suck face with either of those two jackholes?

A few comments to register about this flick now. I am not expecting life affirming significance from my action movie nor do I expect it to usher me into the plateau of a higher learning. That being said I dropped “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot??!!” far too many times in this flick. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot is Paul Sorvino doing in this? Why are these cars so easy to engulf in flame?? Are they running on a mildly stable nitroglycerin? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot is with all the jiggly girls??!! Actually I know the last one, that panders to the chauvinist in all males sadly.

Our plot is already flawed when you put the name actor in a “EVERYDAY” scenario or workplace and not even attempt to make it feasible. I will buy the CGI in The Hobbit before I think Knock Off has any place in reality. That being said, this is exactly what you expect of an action film. Fist and gunfights, car chases and crashes, objectifying of women and pervs that enjoy that. This is not a bad film in the sense that it is choppy or poorly made. I spotted a few film flubs. An assault rifle turning into an SMG, back and again but nothing too horrible. Okay so I saw a dead guy in a boat tossing himself overboard as he was “kicked” over but nothing that terrible. Not brilliant but dammit you came to the Van Damme for some ass whippings and a few one-liners. Is it a polished turd or a hidden gem?

Got to be honest, I don't see it standing in many minds as that “one flick” with Van Damme. Mildly diverting, easy to entertain and most likely quickly forgotten is this writer's verdict. Feel free to see for yourself.

Shh...let the symbolism wash over you...

Friday, January 15, 2016

Slow on the blog: Sideways

Greetings readers for Day 3 of Local Talent and we might as well talk about a writer/producer/director that has managed a great deal with his talents of covering drama and dark humor. He has a few themes commonly associated with his film. Using actually people for minor roles, cops as cops, teachers as teachers and so on. He seems to enjoy museums and monologues over the phone and more of his film revolve around marriage trials and tribulations and the odd spot of adultery. The main character is always complex, lonely and on the verge of depression. Director of said films such as: Citizen Ruth, Election, About Schmidt, The Descendants and Nebraska. I speak of the talented Alexander Payne and this is Sideways.

So the beard makes me look more like Charlton Heston, right?

Miles (Paul Giamatti of Private Parts, Saving Private Ryan, The Negotiator, Man on the Moon, Cinderella Man, John Dies at the End and Billions) is a writer...a rather failed writer that everything he has submitted. Attempts has brought him nothing aside from being an English teacher in San Diego. Middle-aged and irked at the writing community he has a book waiting to be approved by a publisher. His best friend and former college roommate Jack (Thomas Haden Church of Wings, Ned and Stacey, One Night Stand, Mr. Murder, 3000 miles to Graceland, Spanglish, Spider-Man 3 and Easy A) is a television actor whose career peaked long ago starring in a soap opera he is relegated to doing voice over work just to make ends meet. To be honest, he is about 3 months away from doing boat shows with David Hasselhoff.

Jack is getting married and will be taking over his soon-to-be father-in-law's used car dealership. Miles is a wine aficionado and will drag Jack off for some golf, wine and good times. Jack tells Miles he is looking to sow his oats and have one last fling Miles isn't really disgusted by this notion but he is uncomfortable until he re-connects with Maya (Virginia Madsen of Highlander II: The Quickening, Candyman, The Prophecy, The Number 23 and The Haunting in Connecticut) as one professional to another and some mild flirting but nothing of fruition. Jack points out Maya's lack of a ring and pointed out so clearly she is available.

What? I'm eye candy? Oh what a rip.

Jack starts hitting on Stephanie (Sandra Oh of Arli$$, The Proud Family, Under the Tuscan Sun, Mulan II, Cake and American Dragon: Jake Long) a waitress and they start hitting it off as Stephanie suggests some Netflix and chill. Okay, more wine and tommyrot but Netflix and chill sounded saucier. Jack and Stephanie go upstairs to bone and Miles and Maya converse over wine and the love of such. He gives Maya a copy of his manuscript for her to peruse.

The weekend goes pretty well that Jack has second thoughts about his marriage as he sees himself moving to wine country and starting a new life and so on. Miles and Maya get busy and start having a genuine relationship until he let slip Jack is supposed to get married.

Will Jack make it out alive?? Can Miles keep Maya in spite of concealing the truth?

A teensy bit of trivia now. The food that Miles, Jack and Mile's mother eat dinner at Mile's childhood home gave all three actors food poisoning. During his audition, Thomas Haden Church stripped down because the scene called for it. Of course he later learned that he was the only actor that did that. 

When in doubt, booze it up!

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Happy Birthday Shawn!!!

Hiya folks!   Just wanted to wish the birthday boy a happy birthday.   Today on January 14th, Shawn was hatched and all the world rejoiced or recoiled... don't know.  Wasn't there you see.

Yeesh relax fella. It's not a mug shot.

As co-host and co-writer for Rotten Ramblin' On he has brought humor (good and bad alike), warmth and several ideas to expand Rotten Ramblin' On to something better and maybe even build an audience.  Who knows where we will go from there.  Glad to be working alongside one of my oldest and dearest friends for this venture.   Happy Birthday Shawn.   And see how I didn't mention you are 40 now??   OH CRAP!, look a cannibal tribe feasting on Emannuelle!!!   ZIP!

There. Eye candy for the birthday boy.

Times be a changing...

Hey there folks and welcome back to the week. A few things to talk about. Due to a condition I would rather not elaborate on, I have become very worn down week after week so I will be cutting back on my blogs to about 2 to 3 a week. Might be less and I am sorry but I am just burnt. Between finishing a novella, a novel, plugging a previous book for a graphic artist and prepping it for e-book I am a bit knackered. Hence the slow down. Trying to get myself a wee bit more energetic and sleep at normal human hours to combat this.

This is the start up of a new year for Rotten Ramblin' On as well as we are now on Youtube! Yes, you can listen to Shawn and I and all our hijinks on said channel without interruption. I must warn you a few are difficult to make out as we still had the crappy mic. 11 through 14 is all new so hope it is to your liking. This is not the end of Rotten Reelz Reviews but there will be fewer entries at this time. During the meantime, GIVE US TOPICS!!! Seriously, both Rotten Reelz and Rotten Ramblin' can only be as good with input! NEED INPUT!!!

Throw us a bone, toss a comment, toss a cookie!   Just help us be more for the show.   That being said I am also trying to get a Patreon account for Rotten Ramblin' On to give us a leg up on equipment, some funds for Shawn and I and in general a bit of income for doing something we enjoy.


Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Local Talent: Gabrielle Union in Deliver Us from Eva

Welcome back for Day 2 of Local Talent. Our next actor may have left the Husker lands in search of acting gigs and while that does happen you cannot fault Omaha from holding her up as a beacon of talent. Graduated with honors from UCLA, voted #52 in Maxim's 100 Sexist Women, this girl was performing below her capabilities. Now going through her filmography she has been a femme fatale, other woman character actor for more than a few films. The whole let's use this girl for her looks rather than any depth in acting cliche'. Until I came across the romantic comedy giving her center stage and brother let me just say, "She took it and ran with it." This is Deliver Us From Eva.

There is a corner pocket joke but I will behave.

Evangeline 'Eva' Dandrige (Gabrielle Union of City of Angels, Two Can Play That Game, Abandon, Cradle 2 the Grave, Bad Boys II, Flashforward and Being Mary Jane) is part of the Health Department in Los Angeles as an inspector which works for her very perfectionist nature and bossy demeanor. Everything and everyone should be just so for the world to be in order. Her order. Eva drives her sisters Kareenah (Essence Atkins of Here and Now, Under One Roof, Malibu Shores, Smart Guy, Half & Half, Love for Sale, My Sister's Wedding and Girlfriends' Getaway), Bethany (Robinne Lee of National Security, Hitch, Seven Pounds, 13 Going on 30 and Forgiveness) and Jacqui (Meagan Good of Miles From Home, One Missed Call, Saw V, The Unborn, Californication, Deception and A Girl Like Grace) to bettering their lives.  She constantly judges her sisters by their choices in life as well as in men. This close connection is due to them basically raising themselves after the death of their parents so older sister Eva's words of wisdom and advice holds great weight for the girls.

Damn, Union got booty fellas.

Our collective boys: Tim (Mel Jackson of Soul Food, The Temptations, Where Is Love Waiting, Abduction of Jesse Bookman and Four Seasons), Mike (Duane Martin of White Men Can't Jump, Above the Rim. Any Given Sunday, All of Us, Rita Rocks, The Paul Reiser Show and Sister Code) and Darrell (Dartanyan Edmonds of Ride, Woo, Bulworth, A Thin Line Between Love and Hate, Trippin', Rangers and NYPD Blue) are losing their damn minds, not getting any quality time, privacy and in general lives of their own with Eva popping by whenever. Fed up with this, the fellas feel they need a player to seduce Eva and get her out of their hair. Mike calls his boy Ray (LL Cool J of Toys, Halloween H20: 20 Years Later, Deep Blue Sea, In the House, Rollerball, S.W.A.T., Last Holiday and NCIS: Los Angeles), offers him 5 grand to make this spoiled princess bounce for a few so they can get their own. Okay, I cannot write this dated street lingo worth a damn. Ray agrees to the deal, meets Eva for dinner for what can only be considered as "THE DATE FROM HELL." and throws the boys' lettuce back at them saying she is impossible.

Later Ray bumps into Eva delivering meat to the local restaurants and offers an olive branch and the two look like they are forming a friendship to a relationship. The sisters start seeing Ray and Eva as the ideal couple but notice how their own relationships aren't as solid and the boys are back in hot water. Rather than be grown-ups, owning up to their faults and striving to be better men (Like we all should, fellas.), they choose an elaborate plan to fake Ray's death so it will convince Eva to leave the city and go elsewhere and out of their lives.

Does the plan succeed? Will they have to actually kill Ray? What the hell is going on?

This film feels like a take on Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew and about seeing people for who they really are. It has heart and soul and some really good lines. This film also showcases both Gabrielle and LL in starring roles rather than the typical stereotypes they have both played in the past. It is fun, wrong and entertaining. Give it a view. Rated R for a bit of language and some implied sex but other than that, hell the kids can watch it.

I am not mugging...well maybe a bit.

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Local Talent: A Streetcar Named Desire

Howdy all and welcome to Day 1 of Local Talent This man I speak of has been a general to Julius Caesar, a Wild One, been through Guys and Dolls, he has been to The Appaloosa and even has portrayed The Godfather. Native to these plains of wheat,corn and beef production, he debuted on Broadway in October 19th of 1944 in "I Remember Mama" as an astounding success that he made his first film debut in Fred Zinnermann's The Men in 1950, about a paralized war vet trying to adjust to the world without his limbs. I speak of none other than Marlon Brando. This particular blog covers one of his earliest films of heartache, woe and an excellent performance. This is A Streetcar Named Desire.

The face of every domestic disturbance.

Named after the play by playwright and author Tennessee Williams (The Glass Menagerie, Summer and Smoke, The Rose Tattoo, Cat on a Hot Tin Room, Suddenly, Last Summer and The Night of the Iguana) this drama with a hint of film noir hails from a story of a southern belle, Blanche Dubois (Vivien Leigh of Fire Over England, Storm in a Teacup, A Yank at Oxford, Gone with the Wind 21 Days Together, Waterloo Bridge and Ship of Fools) an aristocrat seeks refuge after an series of losses along with her sister and brother-in-law in a rickety, run-down tenement in New Orleans. Blanche a high school teacher leaves her beloved home of Auriol Mississippi with her sister Stella Kowalski (Kim Hunter of Actor's Studio, Anything Can Happen, Storm Center, Playhouse 90, Lamp at Midnight, Planet of the Apes, All My Children and Born Innocent) and her brother-in-law Stanley (Marlon Brando of The Men, Viva Zapata!, The Wild One, On the Waterfront, Guys and Dolls, The Chase, The Godfather, Last Tango in Paris and Apocalypse Now). As she tells her sister, Blanche explains that the family estate, Belle Reve has been claimed by the town and there is nothing to be done about it. Stanley convinced otherwise, proceeds to go through her papers only to end up fighting with Blanche's poems sent to her by her late husband. Our thuggish brute simply defends his actions by saying his was looking out for his family and tells Blanche that Stella is going to have a baby. Clearly reason enough to behave like a thoughtless jackass.

Clearly I am superior to Jessica Tandy.

A collection of Stanley's poker buddies come over and one stands out above the rest, a fella named Mitch (Karl Malden of On the Waterfront, How the West Was Won, Patton, The Streets of San Francisco, Captains Courageous, Meteor, Skag and Nuts) who is decent, fair and honest. Blanche takes a liking to him but Stanley's drunken rage causes his buddies to vamoose when he up and slaps Stella. Hiding at Eunice's (Peg Hillias of A Streetcar Named Desire, The Wayward Girl, That Night! And Peyton Place) until Stanley redeems himself by carrying Stella to bed, Blanche has curbed her tongue long enough. That morning she is adamant about Stella leaving her subhuman animal of a husband and coming away with her.

Does Stanley stand for this abuse? Is Blanche hiding deep seeded secrets? Will these two kooky kids work out?

A few points of interest on our film now. Nine members of the original Broadway cast repeated their roles in the movie, only Vivien Leigh was chosen over Jessica Tandy for the roles of Blanche given Leigh's popularity of Gone With the Wind. Despite the incredible performance of Brando's part he loathed and detested his character to no end. Nominated for 12 awards winning four at the 24th Academy Awards, this film set an Oscar record being the first film to win three acting categories. Best Actress (Vivien Leigh), Best Supporting Actor (Karl Malden), Best Supporting Actress (Kim Hunter) and Best Art Direction (Richard Day and George Hopkins)

Toss the wife in the pot and the game is gonna heat up!

Local Talent

Welcome one and all. Today, I was thinking about the local entertainment as my co-star Shawn of Rotten Ramblin' On was on about. Artists, musicians and film makers...hell we could interview the collection of coplayers, costumers and creators. That being said I decided to cover more than a handful of movie stars that have made it in Hollywood hailing from our plains.

Just a Midwestern boy.

Local Talent establishes actors, writers, directors, athletes of past and present ranging from Drama to Horror films, showcasing as much as one can. Two examples of such is dancer, singer, actor, choreographer and musician Fred Astaire (Top Hat, Swing Time, Royal Wedding, Funny Face and It Takes a Thief) and Broadway star and film method actor Montgomery Clift (Red River, The Big Lift, A Place in the Sun, I Confess,The Young Lions and The Misfits)
Steve Borden, Sr who you know better as Sting of WWE as a professional wrestler, bodybuilder and even author. Former gridiron football player, Heisman Trophy winner and NFL San Diego Chargers running back and wide receiver Johnny "The Jet" Rodgers. Actor Randy J. Goodwin (Girlfriends, CSI: Miami, Flip the Script, Big Shots, The Vampire Diaries, Annie Claus is Coming to Town, The Mind's End and The Job) and newcomer to Horror, Karrie Bauman (The Legacy of Boggy Creek, Escape to Black Tree Forest, The Dead Hour, The Eyes of Isabelle, Cheerleader Camp: To the Death and Poet) and actor/comedian Jorge Garcia (Hurley of Lost, Hitman:Bloody Money, Alcatraz, Gaspar, How I Met Your Mother, The Wedding Ringer, The Ridiculous 6 and Hawaii Five-0) just to name a handful.

This week we explore humble beginnings to stardom and having the guts to try their luck from the Midwest and push out to their dreams.

What? You thought this chin was from Hollywood?

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Back in Blaxploitation: Hit Man

Hey folks welcome back for Day 3 of Back in Blaxploitation. Had a desktop error that was driving me crackers so I walked away from it before I got a medium-sized fire ax and gave it a reprogramming it would not forget. Today's film is about a hit-man out in Oakland that comes back to Southern California to pay respects for his dead brother. His late brother has an estranged daughter, his brother's death may have been linked to ties with the organization or mob if you will and a slathering of pornography as well. No I am not watching Get Carter but good guess. This is Hit Man.

You better run pizza boy!!!

Devised in 1972, written and directed by George Armitage (Vigilante Force, Hot Rod, Miami Blues, Gross Pointe Blank) tells the tale of one of the baddest muthas out there. Tyrone Tackett (Bernie Casey of Cornbread, Earl and Me, Love Is Not Enough, Harris and Company, Sharky's Machine, Never Say Never Again, Revenge of the Nerds, Spies Like Us, I'm Gonna Git You Sucka and Hammer, Slammer & Slade) starts looking into his brother's business arrangements and sees all kinds of prositution, drug trafficking and linked to the pornography industry. Wait, Ron Jeremy is the Godfather?? That could work.

Move, title card!!

Moving right along, Tackett looks up his brother's former business partner Sherwood Epps (Sam Laws of Truck Turner, White Line Fever, The Fury, The Lord of the Rings and Project X) to get a lay of the land if you will. Not foxier a lay than Gozelda (Pam Grier of Women in Cages, The Big Bird Cage, Black Mama White Mama, Coffy, Scream Blacula Scream, Foxy Brown, Bucktown, Miami Vice and Escape from L.A.) the diva of the industry and pretty easy on the eyes for Tackett. All Tackett's nosing around is getting a few folks in the mob pissed at an outsider meddling in their affairs. Tackett is not above taking out the trash.

While this feels like an exact duplicate of Get Carter, there are several differences. One, Get Carter was a study in a man prone to emotions he preferred bottled up and away and he was also prone to severe violence when he deemed it necessary. With Hit Man, Casey almost seems devoid of grief and just wants to lash out at the mob, maybe it is a defense or coping mechanism. I can't truly say. Two, there are enough N bombs to make white viewers very very uncomfortable. Yes, you have been warned. And finally three, there is a vast collection of nudity to easily rival Get Carter, jiggly girls galore and our boy Tackett is definitely getting his share, your share and my share all in one flick. James Bond called him to say, "Well done, old chap."

This movie is more fun and less broody than Get Carter. There's a scene of two guys got drunk and walk through a car wash sputtering and cursing. That being said, the blood and gore has gone up several notches, this film earned its R rating and thankfully they managed to get under an X. Also a dog fight scene is underway with pit bulls so any dog lovers out there, yeah it looks really enough with timed cut scenes that you will probably want to skip the flick. Overall, the film has a good cast, plenty of corruption and behind the scenes conspiracy to offer up a solid film. Some of the content is rough to view but exploitation movies are an acquired taste for many and yes guys, Pam flashes the camera more than a few times. You can just hear those jackals in the background thinking Coffy and Foxy Brown.

Die you muthas!!!