Thursday, December 31, 2015

Back in Blaxploitation: Velvet Smooth

What's happenin' cats and kittens...welcome to Day 2 of Back in Blaxploitation and today we are gabbing about a super sleuth that all is gathering around for. No, I ain't talkin' about Shaft. Can you dig it? I mean the kitten that purrs so but carries claws when she needs it. Only one bit of sweetness to get to the bottom of this obvious kettle of fish. This is Velvet Smooth.

Ron Jeremy is Leatherface in: A Cut Above the Rest.

Our private eye with her foxy sidekicks is on the case, Velvet (Johnnie Hill of Velvet Smooth) gets a sit down with the man, King Lathrop (Owen Watson of Black Force, Velvet Smooth and Bon annivesaire Juilette) as someone is muscling him out of his territory. The possibility is so mind boggling to Lathrop that he has to hire the best P.I. In the business and Velvet fits the bill. With her help of friends Ria (Elsie Roman of Black Force, Velvet Smooth and Gang Wars) a lawyer and rough and tough Frankie (Rene Van Clief of Dolemite and Velvet Smooth) the scumbags better beware!

Frankie works undercover to ferret out the man causing Lathrop so much hell that they are convinced it may be an inside job by one of Lathrop's own men. Did I mention all these ladies are supposed to be adept in martial arts. Kung Faux from the looks of that and no I did not error on my spelling because the fight scenes look so damn hokey, I guess they were convinced the girls would get hurt and blah blah blah but more than half of these fight scenes are shot at long distance so you barely see what is really happening and the other half...well you really weren't missing the astounding choreography of a fourth grader's attention to detail. Why not make the girls bar room brawlers instead or a bit of street fight but I guess opting to fit them with bonking frying pans and attitude was skipped thankfully but not by much.

She cut a bitch!  Mostly, with those nails.

The general vibe says not to trust anyone, then why did the kingpin hire Velvet at all and what is really going on? Love the street gangs' Leatherface meets Hannibal masks as well. Clashes a bit with their funky threads but that happens from time to time. And ladies, lay off the kick and punches to the nuts already!! Girl power aside, the twig and berry fatalities were getting insane!

A few nitpicks now. Holy crap I have not seen the boom mic that many times outside of Dolemite. Get the boom mic top billing! Running Back two-time Emerson Boozer for the NY Jets (1966-1975) was kind of a point of interest but you get the overall reason why his career in acting didn't go sky rocketing. Didn't have the chops, baby. The sound effects foley artist fell asleep as half of the slaps, punches and kicks don't match up with the action followed by a drum crash seemingly to accompany every other punch to skin.

Not the worst blaxploitation thus far but certainly not the better talented to be working on this project. Still it beats Dolemite everytime.

Operation: Grabass is under way!

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Back in Blaxploitation: Sugar Hill

Welcome one and all to Day 1 of Back in Blaxploitation. CAN YOU DIG IT??!!! Sorry channeling The Warriors for a second and I'm good. What do you get when the mob takes out your boyfriend for refusing to pay protection? Why turn to the Dark Arts of course! Yes nothing speaks of revenge raising large collections of the dead. This is Sugar Hill a.k.a. Zombi, Black Voodoo and The Zombies of Sugar Hill.

Mmm, is that olive oil you are using for your hair?

American International Pictures brings us the story of Diana (Marki Bey of The Landlord, Class of '74, Hangup and Starksy and Hutch) after the loss of her boyfriend at the hands mobster Morgan (Robert Quarry of Agent for H.A.R.M., Count Yorga, Vampire, WUSA, The Return of Count Yorga, Dr. Phibes Rises Again, Deathmaster, The Midnight Man and Madhouse) whose money has bought protection from the cops and lawyers. Racked with guilt and loss, Diana speaks to an aged Voodoo priestess Mama Maitresse (Zara Cully of The Liberation of L.B. Jones, WUSA, Brother John, A Dream for Christmas, All in the Family and The Jeffersons) to put Sugar in charge of zombies, she refuses.

Getting more and more enraged, Sugar seeks out a voodoo lord of the dead, Baron Samedi (Don Pedro Colley of Beneath the Planet of the Apes, THX 1138, Herbie Rides Again, The Dukes of Hazzard, The Blue Iguana, Journey of Honor and Quest of the Delta Knights) and only the cost of her immortal soul and she will have full control of a zombie horde. She starts wiping out Morgan's men and no one on the street has a clue who is slaughtering them left and right.

Yes, I am white and evil.  How do you do?

The zombies however are the traditional standing in they are subservient thralls versus the George A. Romero flesh eating ghouls but they must have become damn ninjas as they sneak around in the darkness these beings were bodies preserved of slaves brought to the United States from Guinea.

Will Sugar get her revenge? Being soulless will she feel some sort of joy? Will Baron Samedi work birthday parties??

A few points of interest on the film now. The eyes of zombie horde is a great effect cutting the eyes out in the frames and shining light through it making it this other worldly effect and very similar to the Lectroids in The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension. The Voodoo Museum and Research History building was shockingly enough the Heights Branch of the Houston Public Library. Thought for certain, Texas would be an authority on Voodoo practitioners.

American International Pictures lost both Robert Quarry and Vincent Price in 1974 as they wanted to pursue other work and felt the lackluster of the previous works.

Excuse me, I was looking for the John Carpenter set.

Back in Blaxploitation!

Howdy folks! Sorry I have been tardy since Christmas Eve. Shawn and I had a blast recording our DC Comics episode and you can find that on Youtube now under Rotten Reelz Reviews. That being said between the bad weather, sinus headaches and just no desire to write, I had to kick myself into gear to get started. Again apologies for this late in the week. I feel better and we will get started on some fan favorite: Blaxploitation.

Reach for the sky, jive ass turkey!

For those that somehow are unfamiliar with the term exploitation, an exploitation movie is usually a low-quality film without an "A" list backing and uses sex, violence and romance as the selling point behaving in a popular trend, niche or taboo subject matter. Blaxploitation is a film made with black actors more or less for black audiences and often has the theme of an urban view via stereotype. Normally they are overcoming authority "The Man" through clever planning and extreme violence.

Now common love of these films fell under Jack Hill's Coffy or Foxy Brown, Gordon Parks' Shaft and even love for William Crain's Blacula. As for the last one that is probably due to William Marshall's performance. Chilly and yeah I love several of these flicks and yes there are quite a few that are a bit on the crappy side as well. With in any genre there are bound to be some bad movies so keep that in mind when viewing them.

Sometimes you get stuck watching something as horrible as Dolemite but hey there are fans for that movie. Everyone has their own tastes and I for one want to see if there are some more out there that I will find enjoyable.

This week is Back in Blaxploitation and no sucka, you ain't got a choice in the matter.

Jim Kelly's a gun too!

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Merry Christmas!

Welcome readers of Rotten Reelz Reviews! The year is at its end and we begin anew! I am hoping to continue producing more reviews that capture your attention but I need help from you all. Feel free to drop a line, comment or message on RottenReelzReviews or RottenReelz to give some suggestions for TV, video games and movies. I will forge ahead bringing the weeks ahead with something entertaining as always.

This is surprisingly good for my back.

Rotten Ramblin' On will endure to improve the topics as we have been. Thankfully we have decent mics to make the show clearer, we are leaving suggestions open for what you want to hear so give Shawn and I a heads up on what you feel is topical. Again we can be contacted at:Rotten Ramblin' On  and you can check out our Youtube page for the podcast itself at: Rotten Ramblin' On Podcast  so feel free to give it a listen, a like and some love by sharing it.

Merry Christmas to all and hope we have a good New Year!

Merry Christmas from Rotten Reelz Reviews and the Doctors!

Friday, December 18, 2015

Dismember December: One Hell of a Christmas

Merry Christmas to the readers for Day 5 of Dismember December! Welp, we have had some clever flicks, some shoddy creations and somethings best left in the Wal-Mart bargain bin and then...we have this moving pictures magic. Plugged by Fangoria magazine, Fangoria Films keeps churning out creations that would make plethora of demons upchuck. I have endured three Fangoria flicks: School's Out, Dead Creatures and Eternal Blood and all were deeply disappointing. Will this be the exception? This is One Hell of a Christmas.

Christmas strumpets!!! Yay!!!

Writer/director Shaky Gonzalez (Nattens engel, Kokken, Emergency Release, Pistoleros and The Last Demon Slayer) brought us a low budget mass conglomerate of horror movie cliches and even greater dramatic film cliches all in one film. Yippee?? Our main protagonist Carlitos (Tolo Montana of One Hell of a Christmas, Kokken and What's Wrong with This Picture) spent two years in the jug just got released and he sounds like a bargin basement of Al Pacino via Scarface or possibly Carlito's Way who is thinking of re-establishing his fractured relationship with his son and ex-wife. He runs into his old buddy Mike (Thure Lindhardt of Into the Wild, Flame and Citron, Angels & Demons, The Borgias, Fast & Furious 6 and The Bridge) who seems to be channeling Jason Mewes got his hands on this uber-McGuffin talisman that is supposed to give the owner incredible powers thanks to the power of exposition.

So are we less than the Gecko Brothers or Cheech & Chong?

Rather allowing his buddy make the mistake of pursuing his family, Mike drags Carlitos off for hookers and drugs's Christmas time?? Mike rips off a drug pusher for some money and this funky claw necklace, only to find out it give you the power of green screen as bullets pass through you, enhances your strength and make you grimace in a ridiculous fashion from (steady yourself) producing a magical cocaine. The talisman is actually a claw from Satan himself and has a guardian of such, hell bent (GET IT!!??) to laying claim back to it, and body swaps to get to both Mike and Carlitos to dispense justice or vengeance or whatever else this schlock written pile of puppy poop is establishing. The possessed remind me of the original Evil Dead in the way they yell and move and that was intriguing but that is all.

Ordinarily I do not jump on low budget horror as I have enjoyed a few but...creates decent gore gags but the demonic entity possessed people look pretty shoddy in the make-up department. The prosthetics looks like something you would see at a haunted house and the lighting was less than satisfactory. With the camera angles similar to Robert Rodrigez with steady cam, a bit of dolly and some crane or off of building shots, it makes it interesting but does not improve the story.

With a script that feels like borrowed elements of Peter Jackson's Dead Alive, Evil Dead and a hint of Desperado, the cliches start stacking up like cord wood. Not the worst film I have endured but certain one of the worst Christmas horror themed. Move long folks, nothing to see here.

Yeesh, with looks like that, I hope he got a discount.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Dismember December: Christmas Evil

Welcome back carolers for Day 4 of Dismember December and as luck would have it we have us an also known as title. Precursor to Silent Night, Deadly Night our original title is You Better Watch Out, a lesser known flick compared to the upheaval that was Silent Night, Deadly Night. Oddly enough a lunatic goes on a rampage of murder and mayhem while dressed as Santa. This is Christmas Evil a.k.a. Terror in Toyland a.k.a. You Better Watch Out.

Look kids!  Santa's naughty now!

Directed by Lewis Jackson (The Deviates, The Transformation: A Sandwich of Nightmares, Christmas Evil), a fan favorite of the infamous John Waters (Pink Flamingos, Female Trouble, Desperate Living, Hairspray, Cry-Baby, Serial Mom, Pecker and A Dirty Shame) our film opens with a lovely trip to suburbia (shudder) during the year 1947 as young Harry sees his mother being felt up by Santa a.k.a. His dad in a suit and with that the lad is heartbroken. 33 years later, Harry (Brandon Maggart of Purlie, The World According to Garp, Jennifer Slept Here, Chicken Soup, Dream Date and The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.) is working a assembly position at the Jolly Dreams toy factory but at home...well Harry sees himself as the next tride and true Santa (THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!), with his apartment decked out in lights, ornaments and various toys, "Santa" watches on the neighborhood children from the roof of his building...with a creeper and even keeps a journal of naughty and nice kids.

Another eye gouge?? Must be Fulchi's fault.

Harry realizes that several of the assembly workers have been treating him like some dumb schmuck and taking advantage of him for ages. Seeing his co-worker Frank (Joe Jamrog of Christmas Evil, Blue Steel, The Fisher King and United 93) in a bar when he was supposedly sick making Harry fill-in for him teeters him from the realms of safe and sane. To make matters worse, Harry's own brother Phil (Jeffery DeMunn of The X-Files, The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, The Mist, The Walking Dead and Mob City) cancels Thanksgiving dinner on him at the last minute. Harry has left this grounded world and is convinced he is Santa and proceeds to dish out...Christmas justice??!!! A few rounds of breaking and entering, he smashes his nephews' toys and replaces them with handmade ones.

Harry takes out three preppies with an axe and... I am not certain if I should feel bad or imagine them as hipsters being vanquished instead. Really hate hipsters. Frank and his buddy George witness the murders as the Santa flees. Tension rises at Phil's household in which he is concerned about Harry and wondering if he is doing alright.

Will Harry carve out a new Christmas tradition? Will there be anyone left alive in Jersey? Will anyone notice Jersey devoid of people?

A few points I would like to make now. The cinematography of this low budget slasher is AWESOME! Shot with Panaflex in 35mm spherical it really gives it a good vibe in spite of being in mono via sound. Falling under Britian's Video Nasty Ban list, our movie an hour and 40 minutes but was deemed too gory to be edited down to 95 mines instead. I saw the hour and 40 so I guess some nudity and a couple of close-up zoom hatchet scenes were yanked.

I am perplexed by what I saw. On one hand, Santa is murdering a fair amount of people, but he delivered toys to kids in the hospital. This whole film seems to document a life that was scarred at an early age and attempted to muddle through it as best as possible. Attention slasher fans, the body count and death scenes are not over the top and not a large amount of them. What this film depicts is about a man's mental and emotional mindset ebbing away and no one seems to care.

I loved the police line up of Santas and the fact I recognized character actor Jeffrey DeMunn or Dale from Walking Dead and a very young Patrica Richardson (Jill from Home Improvement and Sheila Brooks from The West Wing). Not so much a psychological thriller but it was quirky, odd and kind of fun.

Holiday shopping can be murder,right?

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Dismember December: To All a Goodnight

Ho, ho, ho and a Merry Dismember December Day 3! Well it's that time of year where Christmas break happens throughout the education system and Calvin Finishing School for Girls is no exception to the rule. A gaggle of the jiggly girls have their hearts set on a party while the president of the school is away. Oh of course there will be boys there so they can all pair off and couple up but what if... an insane psychotic happens to be roaming about? For that matter, what if this potential psycho is dressed as Santa?  This is To All a Goodnight.

Yeah they're real. Touch them if you don't believe us.

Director to our little tale is none other than exploitation actor David Hess (The Last House on the Left, Hitch Hike, Avalanche Express, House on the Edge of the Park. Swamp Thing, White Star adn Body County) serving us up a Christmas tale to be told around the fireplace written by Alex Rebar (Beyond the Door, To All a Goodnight, Demented and Nowhere to Hide). It seems two years prior at this very finishing school a sorority girl was killed by accident due to a dumb prank (Which if proof was needed, skip pranks horror film universes... it will all end in tears and blood!).

So cast aside your season's greetings as the first ever Killer Santa movie is born! Oh yes, a full four years prior to Silent Night, Deadly Night, our story shows our collective of girls, Nancy (Jennifer Runyon of Another World, Up the Creek, Ghostbusters, Killing Streets, Carnosaur and Silent Night, Deadly Night 2: Revival) wants to have fun with her girls and this promise of men at the ready even if she is still not sure about going all the way. Tee hee. Low and behold several of the party goers seem to be missing or gasp...DEAD!  Phoning the police is a logical is vacating the premises but that is thinking too far ahead. All we know for certain that someone in a Santa suit is checking his list and putting people and the end list. Oh the cops get a red herring of course with Ralph the peeper gardener, which is no Crazy Ralph so get him the hell out of here!

Got something in your eye.. Oh yeah, my knife.

Will the girls get out alive? Is Santa putting them on the permanent naughty list? Will there ever be a horror movie that makes cops competent?

Our location for the sorority house is actually a mansion and according to the late director, it belonged to a drug kingpin in Santa Barbara. What else can I say about this flick? The lighting is crappy rather than moody, the dialogue is kind of flat but there are some interesting death scenes and numerous pans of Santa killer's legs going up and down stairs that I just thought the camera man really liked his ass. Our film tries for moody and suspenseful but it is difficult for me to take it seriously when well-known porn actor Harry Reems is in the cast. Yeah,the male lead in Devil in Miss Jones and Deep Throat doesn't really make me think, "Oh yeah, this guy would be perfect for my slasher movie."

With 70 gees for budget and 35mm Arriflex Cameras at the work, I could have done with out the fish eye lens for flash-backing. That just kills my eyes and really distorts your movie overall.

Judith Bridges and Linda Gentile did live up to their nude obligations in the film and all the sexist piggies that watch these flicks primarily for that will not be disappointed (Sorry ladies, but every so often I do have to acknowledge other readers). 

Murders? Fuhgeddaboudit!

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Dismember December: Elves

Season's greetings for a hearty helping of Day 2 of Dismember December. Say...what screams out Christmas to you? If it is foul-mouthed children, Dan Haggarty minus his grizzly, moody Germans and a vengeful albino elf, than you are definitely in luck. This is Elves.

Wow, those effects are worthy of Ghoulies.

A gaggle of teenagers head into the deep woods (cue Joe Doluca music via Evil Dead) Kristen (Julie Austin of Fatal Exposure, Twisted Justice, Night of the Wilding, Smoothtalker and Extreme Justice) and her ditzy friends attempt some weird ritual against Christmas when Kristen cuts her hand conveniently raising a spawn of Hell that looks like an hairless albino troll that is supposed to be an elf.. Yup it is gonna be one of those movies.

Breaking curfew to be with her friends at which looks like 8 o' clock at night, Kristen gets greeted by a couple of slaps from Grandpa (Borah Silver of Blue Collar, The Gambler, Escape from New York, S.O.B. And Elves) for laying her hands on his FORBIDDEN BOOKS and any potential lie she may have. Mom (Deanna Lund of Land of the Giants, General Hospital, One Day to Live and Hardly Working) is a definite bitch. Sorry to lose my PG-13 mentality but that is all I have gotten from this cow. If she has occasional warmth, I am pretty certain it was fart residue.

Down and out hobo/former cop Mike McGavin (Dan Haggerty of The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams, Spirit of the Eagle, Soldier's Fortune, The Little Patriot, Grizzly Mountain, Born Champion, Puss in Boots and Escape to Grizzly Mountain) needs work badly and ends up being second choice as a mall Santa..given the other one was murdered and was probably a cat hair away from being a pedophile and serial molester... Did I mention Merry Christmas?

So in conclusion, Nutzis is the craziest peoples.

Mike's cop instincts kick in as he tries a different approach to the murder and thinks who or whatever did this, is nearby the store given the murderer snuck in and out without anyone the wiser. Kristen and friends apparently are hooking up with some boys for sex games and hey who wouldn't want to get freaky in a department store with less than clean floors. Mike crashes on a cot in former crime scene trying to figure out this symbol from a Dummy's Guide to the Occult.

Disgruntled German Grandpa gets visited fellow angry Germans that confer that after one murder of a suspected pedophile that some ancient pact made with the Elves has come to light and need to claim Kristen to further some diabolical pact in padding the film. I had to wait for 30 minutes for anything to happen after the first murder when the Germans get into a gunfight with Mike and the Elf pops in and out of scene. My guess is the practical effects guys were having a hard time moving the beastie around.

So what do we get out of this movie? Nazis, a demonic elf, dead jiggly girls and the most dysfunctional family I have had to displeasure to watch. Too many spoilers to be had and I wouldn't deprive you all of this brilliant .357 Magnum opus of a film. . Ranking in an hour and 38 minutes this horror film somehow got a PG-13 rating with its nudity, violence and enough F-bombs dropped by a 12 year old, I am confused. Yeah this was a turd in a punch bowl at a pretigous party. Skip it.

Oh no sir, I am most certainly not Oliver Platt.

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Dismember December: Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 5: The Toy Maker

Season's greetings for Day 1 of Dismember December. A quick note on the weekly title. A dissatissfied reader called all the horror films of last year as horrific and wrong to be reviewed during this time of year. That being said, I now take a gander at the last of the unofficial sequels for Silent Night, Deadly Night. As it has been fairly clear to anyone having the self-loathing to watch anything past the first film, they would note the Killer Santa story arc had ended at Part 3 with Bill Mosley replacing Eric Freeman as Ricky, the second Killer Santa and little brother to Billy. So how does this film differ from those films and even the 4th?    Howzabout killer toys, evil robots and maybe a twisted toy maker? This is Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 5: The Toy Maker.


A young boy Derek (William Thorne of Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker and Demonic Toys) heard the doorbell ringing and ran down the stairs to find a Christmas present on the front porch, His dad Tom (Van Quattro of Sweethearts, End of Days, Fight Club, Altarcation, Time Line Inc., Biohazard: Patient Zero and Big Yellow A-Hole) chastises the boy for answering the door at this hour and still being up. Tom opens the present to see a strange musical sphere (PHANTASM ALERT!!!) that suddenly fires cords around his neck strangling him causing him to fall on the fireplace poker leaving him impaled. Um happy holidays, Derek?

When I was your age, a rocket was all you needed for fun!!!

Two weeks later Sarah (Jane Higginson of Slaughterhouse, Danger Zone II: Reaper's Revenge, Object of Obsession, The Silencers and The Indian), Derek's mom thinks a visit to a toy shop might be just the ticket to help lift his spirits...yeah because that makes it all better. Joe Petto (GET IT??!!) played by Mickey Rooney shows off the wacky creations of his shop which actually creeps Derek more so as Joe's son Pino (Brian Bremer of Pumpkinhead, Society, Dead Birds and Why Did I Get Married?) acts strange or erratic so both Sarah and Derek retreated.

Pino breaks into their house and claims a feeling of closeness to them and you can imagine the need for a firearm or chainsaw. Joe trailed Pino and apologized for Pino in the hopes to avoid the police. Sarah later discovers that there is more than a few accusations that the neighborhood placed on Joe as a major creeper.

With that in mind, the story has some weird obsession with Derek, we receive a couple of cameos from the fourth movie Initiation with Nieth Hunter reprise of Kim and Clint Howard playing creeper Ricky which is no association with the previous character of 2 and 3. Do they seem necessary? Big bag of nope because they don't really bring anything to the film. Also two sex scenes were clearly vital no doubt. One drawn out to the level of annoyance and a quickie that added to the essence of the film.

So how do you rank this film? The killer toy motif has been done quite often but it wasn't the vicious turd it has been reference and there is enough mystery to make you wonder what the hell is going on. Shockingly enough though I still wouldn't let young ones gawk at this one either. 

Beats a lesbian Wicca cult, burrowing worms and Clint Howard I suppose.

Dismember December

Howdy folks. Let me start off by apologizing for last week's finite amount of write-ups. The weather has brought the migraine fairy to visit and well it was a wee bit difficult to contend with. This week I am hoping it shan't follow last week at all. This week we are looking at horror in Christmas again. Last year I got a fair degree of snark for doing such and well... let's just say I didn't appreciate it and should be able to view and review whatever I bloody well want to.

Kid, you pee on my lap again and I am giving you coal!

So Horror is constantly sneered at and Holiday themed horror is certainly no exception. Certain films like the original Halloween and original Black Christmas have been beloved by many so with that in mind, I thought I would just start sifting through some of the lesser known titles and even more than a few sequels of less notoriety. Should make for some interesting reading for you all and that is primarily why I do what I do.

So we will enjoy the week known as Dismember December. Yes it was tasteless and tacky but so is a lot of Christmas PR so why not have some fun with the holly jolly season?

Happy Holidays from Bill Goldberg!!!

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Favorite Deep Space Nine Episodes: Blood Oath

Welcome back space travelers for Day 2 of Favorite Deep Space Nine Episodes and I feel this one in particular will be appreciate by all Original Series fans. Beginning Episode 19 of Season 2, carrying on with her duties Lt. Dax (Terry Farrell) hears about a drunken Klingon threatening to disembowel Quark while singing Klingon songs of victory and enjoying a holo-suite program of the Battle of Klach D'Kel Brakt, a legendary battle and victory over the Romulans almost a hundred years ago.

Koloth suffers no fools.

With a quick check down at the brig, Dax sees Curzon's old friend, Dahar Master Kor (John Colicos of Anne of the Thousand Days, Raid on Rommel, The Changeling, The Postman Always Rings Twice and Battlestar Galactica) drunk as a skunk and attempting to sober up. From Kor Dax finds out that the blood oath that Curzon swore is finally coming to light.

Nearly 80 years have passed and Kor's fellow Dahar Masters Kang (Michael Ansara of Broken Arrow, Law of the Plainsman, Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends, Rambo, Assassination, Babylon 5, Batman: The Animated Series and The Long Road Home) and Koloth (William Campbell of Star Trek, Black Gunn, Emergency!, Adam-12, The Streets of San Francisco and Star Trek: Judgement Rites) shapen their blades and prepare for glorious battle and revenge for the death of their first born sons. A bandit and murderer known as The Albino (Bill Bolender of Brooklyn South, The Commissioner, JAG, The Magnificent Seven, Surface and Desperate Housewives) swore revenge on the sons of the commanding captains of three Klingon battle cruisers, as he had each first born son poisoned on a genetic level.

So then he says, "Hoover?  I don't even know her."

Kang and Koloth mourn the loss of their fallen comrade Curzon in their own way and feel that Jadzia has no place with them in their revenge but Jadzia feels otherwise as each of these men were in her previous life and much is owed to these men of valor and honor.

As these legendary and honored heroes of the Empire plot and scheme, Dax must wonder if the blood oath applies to Jadzia Dax as well as it did to Curzon Dax. Should a new host take on the obligations, duties and unfinished business of the previous host?

All three of our Dahar Masters(Legendary Warrior Status among Klingons) apprised their Original Series roles as Michael Ansara as Kang from Day of the Dove, William Campbell as Koloth in The Trouble with Tribbles and John Colicos as Kor from Errand of Mercy. Interestingly enough, William Campbell played two different characters on Star Trek as Kor and Trelane of The Squire of Gothos. Michael Ansara's voice acting is also an easy spot asGeneral Warhawk from the Rambo cartoon and Mr. Freeze of Batman: The Animated Series.

This workout is killer on the calves.

Favorite Deep Space Nine Episodes: Q-less

Greetings travelers of the Trek and welcome to Day 1 of Favorite Deep Space Nine Episodes. I really need to come up with smaller titled weeks. Today we journey to episode 6 of Season 1 of Deep Space Nine as antiquarian/archaeologist Vash (Jennifer Hetrick of Unsub, L.A. Law, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Bodies of Evidence, Profit and Buffy the Vampire Slayer) was given a lift from the Gamma Quadrant that is unheard of as no human has traveled to these remote areas outside of Commander Sisko's Federation collective. Perhaps she had other means of travel. This is Q-less.

Oh deep down you knew I would hit every show.

A month into repairs, updates and check, DS9 is finally running above and beyond its capabilities..replicators fritz not withstanding. Lt. Dax (Terry Farrell of Back to School, Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Becker and Gleason) provides a mysterious passenger save haven back to the station with only Chief O Brien (Colm Meaney of The Snapper, Star Trek: The Next Generation, War of the Buttons, Con Air, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Renegade, Stargate: Atlantis and ZOS: Zone of Separation) to recognize the passenger as Vash. A former love interest of Captain Picard of the Enterprise who went off to explore ancient civilizations with none other than..Q. (John de Lancie of Days of Our Lives, Houston: The Legend of Texas, Taking Care of Business, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Legend, Star Trek World Tour, Planscape:Torment, Stargate SG-1, Star Trek: Voyager and Charmed) that omnipotent pain in Picard's posterior has made his way over to torture the Starfleet staff of DS9 and get Vash back.

Vash links up with Quark ( Armin Shimerman of Brooklyn Bridge, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Stargate SG-1, Dark Cloud 2, Onimusha 3: Demon Siege and Rachet: Deadlocked) the humble bartender/confidant trickster/smuggler/card shark and scoundrel that manages with his vast level of connections to prep an auction for some of the items Vash has lifted off worlds of the Gamma Quadrant. With most of these former civilizations gone and no one to lay claim to them, they will be sold to the highest bidder.

Quark is admiring her figure....of numbers that lines his pocket.

Sisko (Avery Brooks of Spenser for Hire, A Man Named Hawk, Roots: The Gift, Spenser: The Judas Goat, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, 15 Minutes and Star Trek: Legacy) has to deal with the station going through strange power drains and even the station being pulled from orbit heading to the natural wormhole.

The clock is ticking, Q is being petulant and lives are hanging in the balance, Sisko and crew must decipher what is the cause and how to correct it. Q is especially annoying for this episode so enjoy that.

A few bits of trivia now. This is John de Lancie's one and only visit to the Deep Space Nine sets and crew. Writer Robert Hewitt Wolfe (Futuresport, Andromeda, The 4400, The Dresden Files, Riverworld and The Alphas) wrote the screenplay for this episode before it was confirmed he landed the writing staff gig for Deep Space Nine. Lucky fellow.

Dr. Bashir...boring for Starfleet.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Favorite Deep Space Nine Episodes

Howdy folks and welcome back for the week. Yes we are ready off to a rocky start as Monday got skipped altogether. Anyone reading this has a suggestion to regulate sleep patterns just a hitch better than I am already experiencing, PLEASE TELL ME. That being said I thought we would go back to TV as we cannot get enough of that. This time around I thought I would tackle another Roddenberry creation, a show that revolves around...well a world from an orbital platform or space station if you will. A show where they were not out exploring a brand new galaxy every week but rather alien life forms, phenomena, wonders and threats would crop up in their backyard.

Looks like ReinFair class rings.

I speak of course of the creation of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. We are in frontier territory as the planet Bajor has managed to fend off its oppressors the Cardasassians (So close to Kardashians, their mammalian/reptilian cousins), the fledgling government has reached out to the Federation for assistance in creating a recognized political and social infrastructure that they could defend themselves against any other would-be attackers and conquerors. Many of Bajor are divided on the Federation's involvement in their new developing government that Starfleet may not be as invited but they are here to stay... or rather until they get new orders saying otherwise.

The main attraction to this remote quadrant of space is a natural wormhole (a hypothetical connection between widely separated regions of both space and time) that can bring tourists, commerce, travelers and even powerful allies and enemies to Bajor's front door.

This week I want to share my favorite episodes of this seven year run series that was based in the timeline like as The Next Generation and Voyager. That being said, the episodes will of course span over these years, there will be spoilers for those that did not watch the series and continuity is not my cup of tea. More of a Gallifreian (DR. WHO REFERENCE) when it comes to telling tales so bear with me.

So out into that final frontier, that "Undiscovered Country" future that the Roddenberry projects were always about. Enjoy!

Projecting Mariah Carey into her skull.  You fiend!

Friday, December 4, 2015

Vampires Reborn: Dracula 2000

Back again for Day 4 of Vampires Reborn and today's title is very apt. The origin of the stories spoken and written brings about a different take on a character that hails from an age-old monster that haunts many dreams, fascinate others and terrifies several. A creature that lacks a reflection, has hatred of all things Christian and seems to have a vulnerability to silver. This is Dracula 2000.

Jeri Ryan as a vampire?? Hmm...

Deep in the heart of London, Matthew Van Helsing (Christopher Plummer of The Silent Partner, Murder by Decree, Highpoint, Dreamscape, Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, Dolores Claiborne and A Beautiful Mind) a descendant of the 19th century country doctor that fought Dracula owns an antique shop working along side his protege Simon Sheppard (Jonny Lee Miller of Hackers, Trainspotting, Plunket & Macleane, Mindhunters, Endgame and Elementary) as they are about to close down for the holiday as Helsing's secretary Solina (Jennifer Esposito of Summer of Sam, Spin City, The Bachelor, Beyond the City Limits, Taxi, Samantha Who?, Blue Bloods and She's Funny That Way)needs a few signatures and she discretely shoots Simon down for a romantic getaway. That being said, Simon is off for the night and Matthew retires for the night. A cadre of thieves break into the Carfax Abbey building, bypass his security and head into a large catacombs but this was only the modern security. A few deadly traps killing a member of the crew and they still move on, stealing a silver coffin which the thieves assume is the treasure to be had.

You almost hit a mime!

Escaping with the goods with a flight to New Orleans, the coffin is opened releasing the prince of darkness himself, Dracula (Gerard Butler of Attila, Shooters, The Jury, Reign of Fire, 300, Gamer, How to Train Your Dragon and Olympus Has Fallen) who dispatches his would-be captors with ease and ended up crashing the plane outside of New Orleans.

Helsing gets on a plane and heads out for the crash-site, only to followed by Simon and then things get a bit kooky. Not having a CSI in this tiny town, the buddies were brought to a school only to release freshly made vampires. Simon quickly comes to terms that the monsters were real and helps end them. Matthew explains that he is actually Abraham and kept Dracula prisoner all these centuries, using Dracula's blood to prolong his life until he could figure a way to dispose of him forever.

Dracula bound by blood, seeks Helsing's daughter Mary (Justine Waddell of Great Expectations, Chaos, The Fall, Target and Killing Bono) as they are connected on a psychic level. Helsing and Simon must get to Mary before Dracula does and stop him as quickly as possible.

A few points of interest on the film. The name of Helsing's antique shop is named Carfax Abbey, the name of the house Dracula moved into in Stoker's novel. Actress/singer Vitamin C playing Lucy Westerman works in Virgin Megastore and you can clearly see one of her own albums on the rack. I noticed it seem we were less likely in London and more so in Toronto.

Not a brilliant movie but a new spin on an old thing. I have seen far lesser Dracula films and trust me on that.

So you are... gifted then?

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Vampires Reborn: Subspecies IV: Bloodstorm

And a fine greetings to you all as we are back for Day 3 of Vampires Reborn. Hey, remember that Radu guy coming back from what appeared to be his final death? Well... he might just have been put back together yet again. Seriously, has no one learned to burn his body to ash and then scatter the ash to the four winds? Or dousing his ashes in holy water making a consecrated ash pie and tossing globs of Radu to the walls of the Vatican? Maybe keep the ashes in your impromptu Satanic knick knack shelf. Whatever the case of lack of forethought, the master has risen once again to torment Romania, claim his fledgling Michelle and cut a bloody swath through the lands. This is Bloodstorm: Subspecies IV

Bloody Robert Smith of the Cure stole my look.

Fleeing from the castle via Mercedes after bundling Michelle into a body bag our young heroes attempt another escape from this ancient evil only to it all in tears. The car has maybe made about 8 klicks from the castle (4.9 miles for the rest of of the American civvies) before crashing into a tree killing Mel, Rebecca and the poor abducted girl from the village leaving Michelle still in the boot (Trunk for the yanks again) via body bag.

Good samaritan and doctor Ana Lazar (Ioana Abur of Sherlock, Hellraiser: Deader, Offset, Pu-239, Ghouls and Mirrors) finds the wreck and proceeds to investigate finding the occupants to be dead with the exception of Michelle and brings her to a nearby clinic ran by a colleague and mentor Dr. Niculescu (Mihai Dinvale of Return from Hell, Trancers 4: Jack of Swords, Dark Angel: The Ascent, Trancers 5: Sudden Deth and Vampire Journals). The good creeper er um doctor immediately recognizes Michelle as a child of the night and embarks on finding out about her sire. With an extremely burnt Radu attempting to heal up from the direct sunlight, our favorite sadist/dribbler and all around baddie has risen again, healed by his blood golems/gnomes/creatures that reside in him via magic as he looks for his fledgling, carrying with him the relic Bloodstone. Best to check in with a few of the kids he has made over the years... and by years I mean centuries.

Cold grave!! 

Leaving Castle Vladislav, Radu makes his way to Bucharest to lay claim to the holdings and wealth that his former fledglings Ash (Jonathon Morris of The Prisoner of Zenda, The Practice, Bread, The Fantasticks, Vampire Journals and Subspecies 4: Bloodstorm), a being of some centuries old and used to being the master of his town, getting his way and ruling his power base. Radu has now kicked in his door metaphorically and demands sanctuary.

Dr. Niculescu is also a vampire using his scientific knowledge to cure himself of vampirism but the blood thirst is still within him hoping that Michelle can lead him to the Bloodstone that might be the key to finishing his work. Ana still concerned where Niculescu's intentions lie, she checks in on Michelle as Radu has figured where his "child" has gone off to due to their psychic connection.

Will Niculescu be able to fend Radu off? Can the Bloodstone be the cure all it appears to be? Will Michelle ever be free of Radu??

My only real complaint to this film is the interlinking of Vampire Journals and Subspecies 4 given a continuity error. Ash had claimed the Sword of Laertes from Zachary via Vampire Journals when after capture he dispatched Ash and got the blade Ash has his unlife holding the blade and Radu lays claim to it. Very minor nitpick because it actually blends well the rest of the series.

Kevin Spirtas and Melanie Shatner were both unavailable to come back for this sequel as this was continued 6 years later but again director Ted Nicolaou pulled it off.

Sloppy eater?  What do you mean?