Monday, October 31, 2016

Halloween Movie: The Chilling

Happy Halloween folks. Yes it is the day of many of a slutty costume, far too many zippered and padded superhero suits and more Michael Myers jumpsuited folk roaming about, so clearly it's time for a zombie film. Yes I know, I know. This is all too familiar. So if it makes you feel better, how about a zombie film with the lovely Linda Blair and Grizzly Adams' Dan Haggerty? Confusing? This is The Chilling.

No you will not see me naked. Get over it.

Dr. Miller (Troy Donahue of Surfside 6, Rome Adventure, The Godfather: Part II, Hollywood Cop, Hard Rock Nightmare, Terminal Force and Sounds of Silence) operates and owns his own cryogenic facility. The standard role of the wealthy paying obscene amounts of dough to only to be resurrected in THE FUTURE in the hopes death has been conquered. I guess the freezer burn to their faces can just before thawing.  Miller's assistant Mary Hampton (Linda Blair of The Exorcist, Savage Streets, Repossessed, Perry Mason: The Case of the Heartbroken Bride, Skins, Sorceress, Scream and Supernatural) feels this is a worthwhile job and a higher calling to serve humanity until...dun dun dun... Mary discovers Miller has been secretly selling off body parts to further his profit margins. Guess he didn't trust in hog futures. Mary starts to fall for Joe Davenport (Ron Vincent of American Graffiti, The Chilling and Deeply Disturbed) whose parents have recently been added to the the frozen veggie corpse farm. Mary concerned about Joe's parents decides to tread carefully. A bank heist is "planned" by beer guzzling, shotgun totting jagoffs and well that goes really well. As our smooth criminals openly carry their shotguns, waste the hotel clerk and speed off to the bank job. Yup nothing but razor intellects here.

Must have ran out of abortion clinics to picket.

That Halloween night a freak lightning storm hits the main generator of the clinic. With no knowledge of how cryogenics works, security guard Vince (Dan Haggerty of Bury Me an Angel, The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams, Once Upon a Starry Night, Legend of the Wild, Elves, Chance and Spirit of the Eagle) wheels the frosty containers outside...during a lightning storm. Shocking to us all especially those in the metal canisters, the frozen folks rise from the dead in bloody vengeance. I think it was due to the weird aluminum foiled space suits they were stuffed in.


I was a bit embarrassed for the zombies as they mostly kill folks with the time honored tradition of shake the baby to death. Will Vince, Joe and Mary save the night? Will the Cryo-Cadavers rule the lands??

Well what else can I say about this but character Joe is kinda one-dimensional and an ass. I am really not certain what direction the film was going. It was a wee bit of all over the map. Not really coherent storyline but the actors working the best they can with the script they had. The cryo bunch look more like astro zombies but I get over it. Still loved Haggerty's line to Blair offering her the chance to get into his uniform. That man had the biggest grin on his face.

Well guess it's off to star in Elves now.

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Random Titles: Nightmare Sisters

Welcome back readers of mine for Day 2 of Random Titles. I have recently been looking into the works of director David DeCoteau and was unaware I have in fact already seen several of his movies. Understand this, for some movies I want to blot them out of my head instantly and that can be due to acting, cheesy sets and even cheesier practical effects. So I am not always armed with an obscure film in the sense that not EVERYONE has heard of it. That being said, I now realize I have seen every Puppet Master David has directed along with Creepozoids and Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama so...what the hell. Knowing the tone, let's give another flick of his a whirl. This is Nightmare Sisters a.k.a. Sorority Sisters a.k.a. Sorority Succubus Sisters.

80s Horror flick or Charlie Sheen's bedroom?? Only you can decide.

Three geeky girls Melody (Linnea Quigley of Robot Ninja, Guyver, Blood Church, Vampire Hunter, Burial of the Rats and Hollywood Cops), Marci (Scream Queen Brinke Stevens of Private School, Sole Survivor, Fatal Games, Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, Cheerleader Massacre) and Mickey (Michelle Bauer of Nightdreams, Cavegirl, Reform School Girls, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Demonwarp, Warlords, Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge, Evil Toons, Dinosaur Island and Witch Academy) aren't the popular sort and and it's no wonder with Melody's buck teeth, singing off-key, Mickey devouring snacks like they are going out of style and Marci's nasal voice that sounds like what if Alan Parsons Project and Yoko Ono did a an existentialist prog rock duet album.

We now return to 3 Geeky Girls.

Bored out of their skulls they invite 3 geeky guys...which sounds like a NBC Tuesday night show at about 8 o' clock. Coming this Fall on NBC!   Moving along, the fellas Kevin (Richard Gabai of Assault of the Party Nerds, Blood Nasty, Ghost Writer, Virgin High, Dinosaur Island and Inner Sanctum II), Duane (William Dristas of Nightmare Sisters) and Freddy (Marcus Vaughn of The Visitants, Sorority House Massacre, Nightmare Sisters, The Girl I Want and Vice Academy Part 2) are all on board convinced tonight is the night they get laid. Seriously, they will not stop giggling about that.  I wanted to leave a D20 at the scenes of all their murders I had laid out for them.

The party starts flagging and the girls break out a crystal ball performing a seance.. I thought pot would have done the trick but nope, let's tamper with forces we don't understand instead. Unbeknownst to the girls, the crystal ball is cursed and each girl becomes possessed by a succubus transforming them into the extremely hot and yummy scream queens we all know and love.  Melody gets a bit more rocker chick, Mickey gets a bit cavegirl and Mickey has a dominatrix attitude to go with her good girl appearance.

Hmm, phallus anyone?

The boys must fight out the temptation that's shaking its tail feathers at them and find a way to help the girls they don't go and seduce every guy within a forty block radius. Clearly they need a young priest and an old priest. Probably doesn't help that their jocko one dimensional frat bros show up to get some tail. Eh, more wood for the fire I suppose.

Floaty Head of DOoOoOooOoooM!!!!

With the script banged out at 7 days and the film shot in 4, it surprisingly looks done well. A bit more blocking for screen would have been nice but I am watching Nightmare Sisters not Citizen Kane. 

Brinke Stevens uncomfortable with being all nude, DeCoteau swapped it out to just topless and I guess that was easier to do. On the boys' dorm wall is a poster of Creepozoids which made me laugh. Recorded on 35mm Arriflex this was oddly enough shot in mono for I am guessing because it was cheaper to do such.  So if you are into silly antics, topless young women and a bit of horror then come on by and enjoy the flick.

Hmm this looks a bit kinky for an exorcism.

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Random Titles: Sorceress

Hey folks. Sorry for being AWOL from the blog. Got a head cold and it doesn't feel like it will be gone by tomorrow. So looking through my collective written reviews, I have noticed the lack of erotic thrillers aside from the few giallo films. High time that gets corrected, wouldn't you say? I mean I could be watching a Hepburn and Tracy flick but nah, that would be far too classy for this blog. So after a bit of debating I decided on a familiar name in such for horror and sci-fi fantasy, one director came to mind, Jim Wynorski (Chopping Mall, Not of This Earth, Deathstalker II, Alabama Jones and the Busty Crusade, Busty Cops, Komodo vs. Cobra, Dinocroc vs. Supergator and Piranhaconda). Now I have been mean at Wynorski and not even sure if he would care for an apology as most of my writing is in humorous content but you do have to admire his ability to do what he can with a limited budget, finding some of the most unusual collective of people to work with, not to mention some of these scripts must read insanity until it makes its way on screen.
This is Sorceress.

Black Magic Woman...

So as our film opens we are greeted by...boobs apparently. Yup a powerful witch/housewife Erica Barnes (1993 Penthouse Pet Julie Strain of Penthouse Satin & Lace, Fit to Kill, Psycho Cop Returns, Bikini Squad, The Dallas Connection, Day of the Warrior, Guns of El Chupacabra, Heavy Metal 2000 and Battle Queen 2020) has a lace robe open to show off some of her assets as she engages in dark magics to enrich her husband Larry's law firm career. That...involves oils, light moaning and "O" face. Now you would normally think she would go full striga and kill off the competition Howard (Edward Albert of Butterflies Are Free, Galaxy of Terror, Guarding Tess, Port Charles, A-List and Sea of Fear) but instead, she cripples him with her magics. Larry played by Larry Poindexter of Introducing Dorothy Dandrige, Blade: the Series and Days of Our Lives is not having any of this...regardless of large breasted brunette gazing hungrily at him.

So I get to keep my clothes on?  Guess that is a relief.

Amelia, (Linda Blair of Sweet Hostage, Stranger in Our House, Wild Horse Hank, Ruckus, Hell Night, Chained Heat, Savage Streets, Chicken Soup for the Soul, S Club 7 in L.A., and Monster Makers)Howard's wife feels Howard has been flummoxed or bewildered by dark forces. As a practicing witch or wicca she is attempting to narrow down the suspects with the how and why method.

Rather than this be a straight horror thriller film there does seem to be a lot of emphasis on the copious amount of nudity giving it more of an softcore erotica rather that the time-honored horror tropes. That much was apparent right out of the gate gazing at Ms. Strain.

How to burn off energy after work.

Now I would be completely hypocritical if I didn't say I was staring at all the bits of lovely and threesome scenes aside, there actually is talent in this film. Okay the script is a bit far-fetched but I have seen A-list rom coms with dumber premises hands down so move on. Biggest complaints was Michael Parks (From Dusk Til Dawn and Red State)was used for nothing more than red herring and not enough booming William Marshall (Blacula and Scream Blacula, Scream). Larry's performance comes off as a tortured soul, lost in his own life. Linda goes from sweet as pie to cold as ice in record time. Scared the crap out of me seeing her with resolve on her face.

Rounding out at 93 minutes the eroticism is filled tastefully, the story isn't bad and the performance overall is pretty impressive just with this many jiggly girls running around the screen, might want to NOT have the kids awake while watching this one.

Craftmatic bed warmer.  Now available in auburn.

Friday, October 21, 2016

Giallo Journeys: Strip Nude for Your Killer

Greetings and welcome back to Giallo Journeys Day 4. We are back with exhibitionist sexploitation lady extraordinaire Edwige Fenech (Blade of the Ripper, Desert of Fire, All the Colors of the Dark, The Case of the Bloody Iris, Naughty Nun, Your Vice Is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key, Sex with a Smile, Taxi Girl and The Schoolteacher Goes to Boys' High) and helmed by erotic horror and macabre director Andrea Bianchi( Cry of a Prostitute, Confessions of a Frustrated Housewife, Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror, Exciting Love Girls, The Seduction of Angela, Maniac Killer, Massacre and Fleshy Doll) portrays the tragedy or parable of a killer brought to madness due to a young model dying on an operating table while having an clearly others must perish too.   This is Strip Nude for Your Killer.

Evening ma'am. Interest you in a copy of the Watchtower?

Doctor No Harm gives our young model a mickey to cover up this illegal activity so she died other circumstances. The sly and cold doctor meets his fate as even his English dubbed voice cannot pull him out of his impending date with death. Our murderous misanthrope is decked out with a motorcycle helmet and leathers and SPOILER, clearly a female build. Meanwhile at the Albatross Modelling Agency...yeah they chose Albatross as their name for an agency. No irony there at all.

Momma Mia!  More penetration that Mario wants!!

 Two photographers Carlo (Nino Castelnuovo of Rocco and His Brothers, The Umbrellas of Cherbourg, The English Patient, Una donna per amico, Vittoria di vinti and Nando dell' Andromeda) and Magda (Edwige Fenech of Blade of the Ripper, Desert of Fire, All the Colors of the Dark, The Case of the Bloody Iris, Naughty Nun, Your Vice Is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key, Sex with a Smile, Taxi Girl and The Schoolteacher Goes to Boys' High) are in a heated affair whilst photographing all these delectable bit of totty male and female alike. Could have done without Carlo's bun hugging swimming shorts that is just enough fabric to NOT be a Speedo so I guess there are worse things.

Oh we can't have a threesome on a ladder. It's bad luck.

With this agency having couch casting, men that clearly should have sex pervert laser coded on their foreheads and that sweaty Maurizio looking like a genetic crossover of Buddy Hackett and Peter Lorre, you would think there would be countless lawsuits going their way. A simple re-print with ease means our killer has a group photo of all those that worked with model Evelyn. Omni-sexual Mario (the photographer not Mario Mario) gets a visit from killer to give said group photo and then is knived in the kidneys. Gisella (Lia Amanda of 2 samurai per 100 geishe, Il compromess... erotico, Prouesses porno, Sarabande porno, Supersexymarket and Il viziaccio) owner of the agency is grilled for hours by the cops because of Mario and the rest of the staff are nervous about what could happened to him and what motif could there be.

Maurizio attempts to plow Doris (Erna Schurer of Le salamandre, The Battle of the Last Panzer, La bambola di Satana, Blood Castle and Erotic Exploits of a Sexy Seducer) because Gisella won't sleep with him and he's...premature, cries and makes an ass of himself. Yup I did not need to see a portly fuzzy guy fail miserably in seduction. Worry ye not, gentle readers. Our killer dispatches fuzzy wuzzy with another round of kidney stabbings. With Gisella being badgered by the cops, Carlo and Magda start to wonder who this maniac is.

The pace between sex and death scenes span minutes from each other. It is almost as if the director was trying to establish risque link-ups lead to brutal murder. Clocking at 98 minutes, our sleaze fest tries to make you feel some semblance of sorrow or empathy for those slain. This movie does operate on controlled lighting, at least 9 sex scenes tastefully done but overall aside from the copious T & A and gore effects, it doesn't offer anything of originality. Not a bad film but I have seen it better done by Mario Bava, Lucio Fulci and Dario Argento so "A" for effort but a B- for completion.

I'm not too forward, am I?

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Giallo Journeys: Blade of the Ripper

Hey folks we are back in black for Day 3 of Giallo Journeys. Now if you are even slightly hip to Italian movies, you know you have seen a director with the name Sergio attached to it. For Sergio Leone, it's the Man with No Name trilogy. For Sergio Cobucci, it is for Django and Navajo Joe. Yes oddly enough we have a giallo film with director Sergio Martino (Torso, The Mountain of the Cannibal God, 2019: After the Fall of New York, The Scorpion with Two Tails, Hands of Steel and Rally) This is Blade of the Ripper a.k.a. The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh a.k.a. The Next Victim!a.k.a. Next!

No, I am not Audrey Hepburn.

Oh foreign mass distribution, your titles are meant to confuse the unsuspecting and gullible. Our story opens with a guy in a long black car cruising for either a night on the town or possibly a victim. It could go either way at this point and ladies when your "John" parks you mere yards from the airport lanes, he is there to drown out your screams one way or the other.

We then follow Julie (Edwige Fenech of Desert of Fire, All the Colors of the Dark, Your Vice Is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key, Lover Boy, Stripe Nude for Your Killer, Sex with a Smile, A Policewoman on the Porno Squad, A Policewoman in New York, Phantom of Death and Hostel: Part II), the wife of a U.S. Ambassador, socialite and heiress to a vast fortune and ambassador hubby Neil Wardh (Alberto de Mendo of El Jefe, Delusions of Grandeur, Horror Express, The House on Garibaldi Street, Seven Dangerous Girls, So Feared a Hell and Tapas) as they have just returned to Vienna.(in Austria if some folk are not aware) The couple puts on a great public face of mutual love and understanding but behind closed doors, Neil is a workaholic and Julie is less than faithful to her marital vows. If he divorces her, he gets none of her inheritance but... maybe if she was to have say an accident, and then his money troubles and work life ends.

The winds are grabby and rapey too..

Bogged down in work, Neil sends Julie home in a registered car. The car is stopped as a cop checks their ID to clarify who they are as they are looking for a serial killer that just struck hours ago calling him the "Sex Fiend". My mind immediately went to Gene Simmons is the killer but Kiss was on tour when this film was made so I was bummed.

Barely seven minutes into the film and already a death scene and mildly randy sex scene of heavy petting and a topless sequence so yup may not want the younglings around for this flick. Also an FYI, Edwige Fenech seems to be the buxom brunette bombshell that has made her share of risque films ranging from erotic horror to a softcore pornography so not really offering a wider acting range.

Glimpse of a girl.

Attending a social party she is introduced to George (George Hilton of Guns for Dollars, The Devil with Seven Faces, My Dear Killer, All the Colors of the Dark, Return of Halleluja and The African Deal) they seem to hit it off as the drunk girls dancing start stripping each other and get into a catfight. Yeah this is a hedonistic flick already but Julie is being tailed by her ex-lover Jean (Ivan Rassimov of Sacrifice, Jungle Holocaust, Beyond the Door II and Eaten Alive!) who has issues with sexuality, overpowering and in general, kind of a dick. Hubby slaps Jean and Jean just laughs and walks away. The killings continue and Julie starts thinking it could be George, Jean or even Neil that is the killer. She starts trying to piece it together as the bodies piling up.

The musical scores range from these deep disturbing organ composure to these light-hearted, jaunty orchestral numbers. Setting the tone bringing the theme that is sinister one minute and frolicsome the next. It is bloody, eerie and copious amount of nudity of which most folk assume with every giallo film. Not an amazing flick but not the worse one of this genre I have ever seen.

Ah, the old "I'm sleeping and not interested in sex," fake sleep.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Giallo Journeys: The Evil Eye

Welcome boys and girls, one and all to Day 2 of Giallo Journeys. It seems only fitting and fair we watch one of the Godfather of Giallo films brought to us by director/screenwriter/SFX artist and cinematographer of the golden age of Italian horror himself, Mario Bava (Black Sunday, Hercules in the Haunted World, Erik the Conqueror, Blood and Black Lace, Kill Baby, Kill, A Gunman called Nebraska, Bay of Blood and Baron Blood).  Today's feature film almost feels like Bava's nod to Hitchcock's The Lady Vanishes as a young girl rambles to Rome and witness a murder that the police do not believe since they cannot find a body.  Reputed as the first Giallo film in existence, this is The Girl Who Knew Too Much a.k.a Incubus a.k.a. The Evil Eye a.k.a. Obsession diabolique a.k.a. Evil Eye.

You shouldn't do "THAT" in Rome!

Boy it has been a while since we had a good collection of alternative titles, right?

Our story centers around a young girl Nora (Leticia Roman of Pirates of Tortuga, Evil Eye, The Reunion, A Sentimental Attempt, The Gentlemen, The Man from U.N.C.L.E. And To Die in Paris), who flew in to Rome to visit her dying aunt one last time and maybe get some shopping in as well. Okay, I added that last part. Nora's auntie is being cared for by a Dr. Bassi (John Saxon of Gunsmoke, Enter the Dragon, Black Christmas, Mitchell, The Bees, Beyond Evil, Cannibal Apocalypse, Fantasy Island, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Dynasty, Hands of Steel, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, Death House and Falcon Crest) at the first night of Nora's visit her aunt dies in the night and Nora goes to the hospital to tell Dr. the night of a foreign country. Predictably she is mugged and knocked out in the Piazza di Spagna.


She wakes in time to see the body of a dead woman slumped on the ground by her and a bearded chap pulling a knife out of her back. Nora flees to the hospital and makes her report to the cops. They do a cursory look about that area but find no body, ergo the girl is imagining things, is a ditz or whatever stereotype you love about a female in distress. Later after ample ridicule, Nora is visiting in the cemetery with her aunt's friend Laura (Valentina Cortese of The Barefoot Contessa Oh, Grandmother's Dead, Give Her the Moon, The Assassination of Trotsky, Day for Night, Ring of Darkness and The Adventures of Baron Munchausen) who lives in the Piazza and tells Nora she can house sit for her as Laura has vacation time coming.  Ace journalist Landini (Dante DiPaolo of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, The Evil Eye, Blood and Black Lace, Sweet Charity and Unscripted) seems to be trailing Nora as he is suspect of Nora and the linking to these murders.

Hello.  I'm John Saxon, I'll be your eye candy.

No sooner does house-sitter get comfy, she gets snoopy. Checking the closet and drawers to come across clippings of an Alphabet Killer doing in folk by surname. A, B and C already done in but as she reads further these articles are almost ten years old. A phone call pulls her away from the clippings with a voice saying "D is for Death." Sue Grafton breathes a sigh of relief but Nora is terrified and attempts to get Dr. Bassi on her side to figure out if the murder of the other day is linked to these existing murders. A sadistic game of cat and mouse begins putting Nora right slap bang in the middle of it all.

Who can Nora turn to??? Is she or her new Doctor friend next??

What is so astounding about this is the lighting, tone and music carefully and painstakingly used. It has almost the comedic romp you would get from It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World one minute and next a chord and dimmed lighting to offer dread and impending danger. The hustle and bustle of Rome is fascinating to watch and the rush for cabs is quite funny. This also marks the first horror film John Saxon is ever in as well as the last black and white film Mario Bava does.

Most of Leticia Roman's line are narrative as she just flirts and smiles warmly at the camera but a lot of her dialogue is thought provoking as she truly is the lead in this film. John Saxon comes off charming and mischievous as well. This mixture of romance, comedy, drama and horror provides a wonderful contrast of a movie. 

Dead on my feet.  Sorry.

Monday, October 17, 2016

Giallo Journeys: The Third Eye

Hey folks. Sorry for last week, a lot of family interaction plus I tore some muscle and sitting down in front of a computer just was not happening. I'm fine now and by God we will get started on some reviews. I thought we could take another look at the Giallo movies for two reasons. One, it goes as far back as 1964 with its main originator Mario Bava (Evil Eye, Black Sunday, Blood and Black Lace, Planet of the Vampires, Kill Baby, Kill, Danger: Diabolik, Blood Brides, A Bay of Blood and Baron Blood) a cinematographer/director/matte painter and truly the Godfather of Italian horror. Two, inspiring his own son Lamberto Bava (Demons, Demons 2, Macabre and The Cave of the Golden Rose), Lucio Fulci (Don't Torture a Duckling, The Beyond, City of the Living Dead, The House by the Cemetery, The New York Ripper, Manhattan Baby and Touch of Death) and Dario Argento (Deep Red, Suspira, Inferno, Tenbre, Phenomena, Opera, Trama, The Phantom of the Opera and Mother of Tears).

Why yes, I am Django.

Again, Giallo hails from the Italian word "yellow" in reference to the cheap paperbacks containing crime fiction that had serial slashing or a supernatural element to it in the mid 1960s. Think the pulp murder mysteries of the 1930s and on for the states or the French fatastique genres.

Today we focus writer/director Mino Guerrini's eerie tale of a young count destined for happiness in marriage when fate's cruel hand decides a roll of the die not in his favor and his fiancee dies in a car accident... or was it an accident? This is The Third Eye.

Like a good neighbor...CRAP!  STATE FARM IS THERE NOW DAMMIT!!!

Our movie opens with a young girl Laura (Erika Blanc of Kill Baby, Kill, The Devil's Nightmare, El juego del adulterio a.k.a. The Game of Adultery, Blood Money, Nobody's Children, Bello come un arcangelor a.k.a. Beautiful As An Archangel and Eye of the Cat) romping through the meadows with flowers in hand and a song in her heart as the young count Mino (Franco Nero of Django, Submission, Sahara Cross, Force 10 to Navarone, The Visitor, The Shark Hunter, Enter the Ninja, The Last Days of Pompeii, Django Strikes Again and Django Unchained) looks on with love in his very being for this girl, his mother (Olga Solbelli of Odessa in fiamme, The Little World of Don Camillo, Mill of the Stone Women and Quando la pelle brucia a.k.a. When Skin Burns) and maid Marta (Gioia Pascal of Menage Italian Style and The Third Eye) turn their collective noses up at the bride-to-be.   For Marta an allusive love for Mino is there but he does not see Marta at all.    For his mother, she simply wants the strapping fellow to never leave. Momma got issues to say the least. With less than a month for the wedding, mother stews and Marta longs.

Gimme that.  Go wash your hands.

Laura is leaving for a few days at the most and Mino has his mother claiming their relationship is nowhere near what it was, he will abandon her so on and so forth. Yup Mino, pack your bags for the guilt trip of unreasonable coming your way. Taxidermy is a hobby of young Mino and you get hints of Psycho if Norman had noble blood and frankly I am disturbed by anyone that stuff sawdust into bodies of small animals period. Laura speeds off in her car with Mino in hot pursuit ten minutes behind. Mother has an "accident" after arguing with Marta.

A story of unrequited love, jealousy and murder as frustrations of not getting what you want drive people to the breaking point of madness and shot in black & white, this even paced tale unfolds perhaps a tad too slow for the "born with a cable modem crowd", but ideal for the fans of suspense and gothic horrors. Yes it takes a whole twenty five minutes to kick in but after that it is down the rabbit hole of bat shit crazy. It's macabre with human depth and emotion and I highly recommend it. For you more bloodier Giallo murder mystery buffs, the gore is good for the day and focuses more on character development.

Funny bit of trivia, exploitation/sci-fi fantasy and horror director Joe D' Amato (Heroes in Hell, Emanuelle in Bangkok, Eva Nera a.k.a. Black Cobra Woman, Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals, Porno Holocaust, 2020 Texas Gladiators, Ator the Invincible, Cave Dwellers and Quest for the Mighty Sword) remade our flick under the title Beyond the Darkness written by Mino Guerrini's son, Giacomo Guerrini. Et tu, Giacomo?

Honey, all I said is I just don't want to stay at your mother's place.

Friday, October 7, 2016

Movies With the Word Slaughter in it: Slaughter Daughter

Well howdy all and welcome back for Day 4 of Movies With the Word Slaughter in it. Well this randomness has been interesting. Now we have a film with a rhyming scheme...not too sure if it is going to be something worth viewing but let's give it a whirl. This is Slaughter Daughter.

Why hello Clarice...

What we have is not the stereotypical teen slasher as it appears to be more of a revenge thriller that is amazingly not about a rape revenge so PROGRESS!!! Instead we have elements borrowed from your gritty and dirty grindhouse era with the poor print grainy look to the jarring camera angles and even some unusual music cues.

Director/writer Travis Campbell (Troma Digital Studios: A Lesson in BrownRay, Mr Bricks: A Heavy Metal Murder Musical, Return to Nuke 'Em High Volume 1 and Return to Nuke 'Em High Volume 2) has cut his teeth under Troma creator Lloyd Kaufman and spins a yarn of a failing beauty queen Farrah (Nicola Fiore of The Chainsaw Sally Show, Ms. Cannibal Holocaust, Slaughter Daughter: The Webisodes, Teenape Vs, The Monster Nazi Apocalypse, Annunciaton, Liberta, Royal Pains, Vamp Bikers Dos, Sociopathia and The Night Before) whose mind is slipping into some level of psychosis ever since she was stood up on her wedding day. With her father dead she lives with her mom and aunt who are in the closet lovers (Ew.)

Put your shoes on and get in the car, dammit!

Mom (Leesa Rowland of Satan's Storybook, Sgt, Kabukiman N.Y.P.D., Book of Love, Troma Theater, Conviction and Scriptless) is extremely abusive to Farrah, berates her constantly and drops the bombshell of being engaged to her father's best friend. Farrah proceeds to dwell in her own subconcious to escape from the really real world. From this point is when she begins to obsess over notorious serial killer Jackson Miles (Tim Dax of The Lair, Mr. Bricks: A Heavy Metal Murder Musical, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, I Spill Your Guts, Catch of the Day and Vampie).

Becoming pen pals with convicts is not unheard of but normally it is not to pick the killer's brain without a book deal or movie on the table. As a token of her affection she sends Jackson a finger in the mail landing her into a tour in the local wacko basket. Upon release she visits Miles on death row and tells him he can have her if... she can learn the art of murder.

Is Mommykins and Auntie dear in for a treat??? Will Miles just pork away and give Farrah some BS and shoo her off??

Generally speaking, the ambience of the film feels like either an early Brian De Palma movie or possibly one of Lucio Fulci's giallo movies taking its time and pacing itself. The acting is surprisingly good and the whole cast are really into their characters. Our gore gags and practical effects are quite well done and we get more kills on camera rather than a cut away or off-screen death. I am not certain I would watch it twice but in the long run it was still enjoyable, bloody and gasp, there was some nudity for ACTUAL REASONS. I know, I too was stunned.

I vant you blood!!!

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Movies with the word Slaughter in it: Slaughterhouse

Welcome back for Day 3 of Movies with the word Slaughter in them. Now this next film and I have some history. Many moons ago, when I was a wee lad, Lincoln was still in office slaying vampires and I am certain steampunk may have just started; there was a goofy looking 8x 5 movie poster stand prop of this movie. This particular film cover and horrifically stupid tagline used to make my mother and I laugh. Y'see dear readers, my mom co-owned a video store and that is probably where my want and desire to yammer about films of yesteryear and just out that year started. Well Mom, we have made fun of this flick's standing for years but I sat down and watched it. This is Slaughterhouse.


Buddy has an axe to grind... A big axe. As novel a tagline as Soup is Good Food. This particular oeuvre hails from one time director/writer Rick Roessler telling the tale of the poor farmer/abattoir owner Lester (Don Barrett of Slaughterhouse, Hobgoblins and Desperation Rising) and mentally retarded and slightly obese 350 lb Buddy (Joe B. Barton of Blood Diner, Slaughterhouse, Sledge Hammer!, Home and Away, Fatal Skies and Water Rats) are stuck under the wheel of progress as they are experiencing cash flow problems like any American farmer. With the slaughterhouse closed on their property, no real employment for the pig farmer, they do their level best to butcher meat on their own and prep for market.

Lester, yer kid's body odor is killing the county.

The Sheriff's daughter Lizzy (Sherry Leigh of Slaughterhouse, Born Killer, Yellowthread Street, Demon Wind, General Hospital, The R. M., Jolene and L.V.J.), yup her name is Lizzy Borden wants to shoot a horror movie with shoestring budget and they sneak onto the abattoir property because it is the perfect location for such. How meta. Her friends join her for such hijinks in spite of it will be shot of VHS rather than the better and old school Magnavox higher def news cameras.

However a big wig, high falootin' fancy pants Tom Sanford (Bill Brinsfield of Zombie Death House, Slaughterhouse, Warbirds, Terrorgram, Confessions of a Hitman and Top Dog), Lester's lawyer Harold (Lee Robinson of Slaughterhouse) and Sheriff Borden (William Houck of Slaughterhouse, Speak of the Devil and The Abominable Snowman) have a sit down and discuss how the county assessor is going to close Lester's farm unless he can come up with $55 thousand smackers in a month. Enforcing the idea to tear down the abandoned slaughterhouse so they can build a new fangled technological updated one makes Lester point out the machines can't do the work of a man. The sheriff tells Lester he has 30 days one way or the other.

Well those aren't hogs.  They're slackers.

It is at this point with the appropriate whisking music you could turn the first act of this movie into a drama with the struggle of the old time farmer versus modern ways... but that might be a wee bit difficult when the bodies of trespassers start getting stacked like cord-wood.

Will Buddy and Lester lop up the whole town??? Can the sheriff put a stop to their murderous ways???

In 1998, a sequel was written for Slaughterhouse but apparently it never got past the script and they never bothered to release it. While this is a slasher film genre it seems to lack nudity which I was surprised but there is actual hog slaughter footage so if that is disturbing for you, fast forward or skip ahead about 7 minutes. The pace is fair, the cast are a bit inexperienced but primarily, you have a gory flick with them pesky teens getting the sharp end of the cleaver.

Trying to be Sheriff Brody but I am coming up Brackett.

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Movies with the word Slaughter in it: Slaughterhouse Rock

Welcome back from the second day of the week. Yeah movies that have the word slaughter in them seems a trifle lame but again NO SUGGESTIONS WERE MADE. Sorry if that was a bit on the nose, I got a couple of messages complaining about yesterday's write-up. I wasn't sure it was because it was blaxploitation or just my idea to watch it. So again the randomness of the week I have an 80's horror film of featuring music by Devo, a gaggle of teens and Alcatraz!?! This is Slaughterhouse Rock a.k.a. Hell Island a.k.a. Alcatraz Horror and Slaughter House.

There is no Alex, only Zuul.

Our story centers around Alex Gardner (Nicholas Celozzi of Pretty Smart, Marked for Death, Carnal Crimes, Hidden Obsession, Campus Hustle, Big Sister 2000 and Deep Cover) a young college student (that seems to be held in a high school) who has vivid dreams or nightmares if you will, experiencing the numerous deaths of victims in Alcatraz. No, no. Not the inmates of decades past, but a vicious killer who dwells in Alcatraz slaughtering at will. His nightmares start effecting the physical plane of existence as his starts sleeping above his covers. Four feet above his covers! He barks, he drools he claws! His friends all share the same rental house and have witnessed this first hand. Thank God he didn't sleep in the nude or wank at night.

And there on the handle, was a hook...

Discussing it with his teacher, Professor Harding (Donna Denton of Nashville, The New Mike Hammer, Death Blow: A Cry for Justice, Glory Years, Slaughterhouse Rock, Gor II and Mike Hammer: Murder Takes All) professor of the occult and supernatural, suggests to head to Alcatraz to face his demons if you will. His brother Richard (Tom Reilly of Paper Dolls, ChiPs, Young Warriors, Kiss and Be Killed, Sworn to Vengeance, Mirror Images II, Valleys of the Dolls and Ice Cream Man) and gang of Marty (Ty Miller of The Young Riders, The X-Files, Without a Trace and U.S. Seals), Krista (Hope Marie Carlton of Hard Ticket to Hawaii, Savage, Bloodmatch, A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Master, Round Numbers and Noctropolis), Jan (Tammy Hyler of Cloak & Dagger, Pretty Smart, Judgement, A Time to Revenge, Back in the Day, Heaven Bound and I'm Not Ashamed) and Jack (Steven Brian Smith of Moonlighting and Slaughterhouse Rock) all decide to help Alex confront this problem head on and boat out to Alcatraz... cause you do that.

Pumpkinhead: Man on the Town.

A friendly and foxy ghost Sammy (Toni Basil of Myra Breckinridge, Five Easy Pieces, The Last Movie, Greaser's Palace, Mother, Jugs & Speed, Angel III: The Final Chapter, Rockula and Eating) formerly a pop rock star of the band Bodybag, tries to give Alex advice to stop this evil residing in Alcatraz and save his friends, maybe bring herself some peace as well.

No sooner does the Scooby gang make their way to land, Richard gets possessed by a cannibalistic demon trying to attack his buddies and brother alike. Can anything be done to save Richard? Will Alex continue to be haunted??

The use of Alcatraz makes sense as the general theme giving us dark dreams, demonic possession, astral projection and ghosts roaming about. Ladies be warned there is an attempted rape. Yeah, that was clearly needed he said with great gobs of sarcasm. This film loaded with some decent practical effects, good lighting, a fair degree of fog machines going on full tilt, the atmosphere is creepy but the lack of enough characters cuts down on the potential for eerie effects. This film has a solid, fast pace giving a flick with horror elements rather than the typical 80s exposition, drawn out slasher film.
Director Dimitri Logothetis (Pretty Smart, The Closer, Body Shot, Hungry for You, Cheyenne, Dark Realm, The Lost Angel and Wings of the Dragon) had a good crew, a decent cast and good direction overall. Not too shabby.

Not even my 80s hair to stop all this weirdness.