Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Rotten Reelz Reviews Audio Review #26 : Psycho II

Second time at bat with the video clips via audio review and thank God it wasn't Zombie Doom all over again.  A quality DVD this time with Psycho II   Enjoy!

Dustin Ferguson Nemesis 5 Interview

Dustin Ferguson, writer/director/producer/editor/creator of Sinister Studios and owner and proprietor of Old Skool Video had plenty to say about his upcoming film, Nemesis 5. What? You think I saw the previous films last week had nothing to do with leading up to this interview?

Dustin was kind enough to re-schedule with me today as yesterday was a bust on my end.

I'm a special clown.

With Albert Pyun's(Cyborg, Deceit, Brain Smasher...A Love Story, Spitfire, Heatseeker, Raven Hawk, Mean Guns, Postmortem, Nemesis, Nemesis II: Nebula) start this franchise more than 20 years ago, Dustin was a huge fan of not only the genre but how the series was progressing with each sequel. A man after my own heart. So I sat down to chew the fat with him. August 28th is the beginning of the filming.

Script by Mike Reeb has been approved by Albert Pyun is acting as executive producer this time around bringing a substantial budget. Sue Price (Nemesis II: Nebula, Nemesis III: Time Lapse, Nemesis IV: Death Angel) is scheduled to arrive in September for filming so yes, the original DNA mutant warrior is reprising her role but as mother to Schuylar Craig (Shockumentary, Blood Claws, Camp Blood 4, Camp Blood 5, The Amityville Legacy and Blood Model), our new lead to bring about destruction to the machines and possibly save humanity from its tyrannical yoke.

The most unkind cut of all.

Dustin taking the reins for the story after Nemesis 4, a slight remake the opening of Nemesis with a steamy scene with Craig and Daiane Azura (Big Trouble, Prison of the Psychotic Damned: Terminal Remix, Hate, 60 Seconds to Di3, Home Videos, O' Bloody Night and Stained Encounter) moving the story back to time and moving the vibe of the time travel aspect. Yes I bugged him about the mosaic time capsule but nothing definite yet to the traveling pod. Also we don't need that many spoilers do we? Veteran actors Aki Aleong (Never So Few, Gang Wars, V, Dragonfight, Babylon 5, Dark World, House Arrest adn Faster Than the Speed of Light) and Dawna Lee Heising (My Science Project, Big Trouble in Little China, Forbidden Warrior, Outworld, Tales from Dark Fall, Waiting for Dracula, The Famous Joe Project and Awesome Girl Gang Street Fighter) marking her third film with Ferguson along with Meathook Massacre II and Amityville: Evil Never Dies.

August to October editing allowed in November, Dustin is confident to have this out by the end of the year. Main theme and composure will be composed by Rob Robinson and Adian Casserly, along with original soundtrack with Velvet Acid Christ and Pandora Black. He told me he is in talks with Orgy as well so should be an astounding soundtrack.

Someone's getting an ax to the face.


SAG (Screen Actors Guild)card and SAG rules need to be followed so this isn't your typical Indie film shooting when they can and wherever they can. Not limited to Horror, as a fan of films can attest to at the larger variety found at the Old Skool Video store, He has done documentaries and horror films but simply can manage a story with a decent budget, time, great actors get gold frame by frame.

Schyular is undergoing training for the role of playing her bad ass character. Yes she will know Gun Fu. Whoa. Along with Zach Muhs (Nemesis 5: The New Model) who will be a re-occuring character in the series. No I am not giving that way. Well okay, let's just say you might seen an appearance of Nebula again.

I asked him if this was a huge leap into this genre being primarily a Horror director. Dustin feels certain that as a fan of Sci-fi and Action, that this was a natural progression to more difficult projects. Considering most of his projects are shot in a manner of days, he will have months to work it until he feels it's right. Electricity to the cyborgs, parts sparking, and the better budget will allow balance CGI and practical, which is a preference to myself.

Passionate filmmakers outside Hollywood have a better touchstone with the fans than a popcorn movie. It's not about marketing, the newest toy and lunchbox. It's about a quality flick people can enjoy and hopefully stand the test of time. With our comparable love of 70s and 80s Horror we both have the congruent take on the modern era. Jump scares aren't needed heavily in horror, atmosphere, music and suspense are the key. A decent pace, story easy enough to follow and some build up and boom. Creepy horror flick.

Producer/bookmaker/director deals with what stays and what goes. If you a giant space drill, it will still look hokey and you should work with in your means. It may sound great on paper but ultimately you need to know where to invest time, money and effort in.

James Brolin still stuck in the house.

If five does well he is looking to end the series successfully by capping it off and having a potential jump into new budgeted projects. Futuristic films are a definite and try to make originals and make it his own. John Carpenter and Dario Argento are great influences in his style of film making.

A confident director gets the actors he needs. He goes in to every project with a buoyancy needed for these films and has attracted his fair share of actors. Juggling all these ventures is impressive as hell and he has the moxie for it. Personally I cannot wait to see how this series will end and I know Dustin will knock this out of the ballpark.

Dustin, I still say you need to get Tiffany Shepis for a good creepy horror flick.

Saturday, June 24, 2017

New Rotten Reelz Reviews Audio Review #25: Zombie Doom

So this is what I busted my ass on yesterday.  It is very adult orientated and a bit on the graphic side.

Enjoy and you have been warned. Zombie Doom Audio Review

Nemesis Week: Nemesis 4: Death Angel

And we are back. Apologies for not getting this finished on Friday. I decided to do an audio review of a DVD that was poorly formatted. Thankfully no encryption to speak of but still it was crap. Today however we continue following Alex (Sue Price) as she has to kill a man. Shall we see how that turns out? This is Nemesis 4: Death Angel a.k.a. Cry of Angels: Nemesis 4, Nemesis IV and Nemesis 4.

Yeah I miss the braids.

Alex is back, kicking ass and taking names. Our movie opens with the weirdest red sun glare effect. Ahhh Alex is on Krypton!!! Kidding aside, Alex is speaking to a Padre about his drug racket smuggling action he had and dispatches his cyborg ass.  Not sure why Alex in very obvious black vinyl newsboy cap and raincoat but she is off being pursued by more cyborgs and popping out time seems easy and she distracts her trackers by....flashing them and gunning them down? Um okay.   Woman in black (Blanka Copikova of Nemesis 4: Death Angel and Andrenalin: Fear the Rush) speaks of weeping angels and mows the borgs down.

Text exposition points out the uneasy peace humans and cyborgs have as a bit of footage from 2 and 3 are being used as the credit titles go. Well makes sense to use what you already have. Alex is a cyborg killer and her handler Benardo (Andrew Divoff of Toy Soldiers, The Hunt for Red October, Wishmaster, JAG, Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies, Alias, Crossfire, CSI: Miami) gives her the Farnsworth speech of one last job before she retires. She has been residing in the future of 2080 now gacking cyborgs on the QT but she has gotten either sloppy.

We don't get much call for that, Just Johnny.

Kind of miss the braids as her hair is completely straighten. So off to Europe to seduce an almost complete borg and he assumes her to be the woman in black as they are both have similar build. She tends to him effectively. Benardo does not care for her attitude towards life and death. Dude, she is a giant leap into the human evolution in the sense of smarter, faster and stronger. That much death on her hands and you don't think she wouldn't be a bit off. The cyborgs all have this tattooing and indentations like her on again, off again borg with benefits Earl (Nicholas Guest of Star Trek II: Wraith of Khan, USA High, Roughnecks: The Starship Troopers Chronicles, Cowboy Bebop: The Movie, Star Trek: Armada II, Star Trek: Bridge Commander, Justice League, Sons of Anarchy and Batman: The Brave and the Bold) as a good kill apparently gets Alex in the mood.

Yes all nude, but shadows are obfuscating everything.

We will skip the information retrieval/sexual gratis because I feel akward mentioning it. Lot of phallus penetration comments to be made. No sooner does that weird bit of tension Alex finds out that her kill was the wrong man and Earl is supposed to put two in the coconut and call it a day. Probably few men that have an issue being crushed in Alex's legs. Benardo giving off a Ralphie of Johnny Mnemonic vibe and Alex should have picked up on that if the job went as sideways as she thinks it did.

She's as hardcore as ever but for some reason Albert Pyun just wants to display her as a sex object rather than the bad ass warrior she has been for the previous movies. Alex is still as lost in this time as she was in 1980 without her tribe or direction.

She and the Woman in Black are forming a relationship of questions and answers but the answers will come at a time of the Woman in Black's choosing and not sooner. I find most of the dialogue lacking substance and redundant. It felt like Pyun was setting up for a part 5 but didn't really feel like it was going to happen.

Didn't think I would say this but I wasn't really impressed with this one. Story feels a bit choppy and rushed. The camera work is very professional but the lighting feels like a photo shoot rather than a movie. I am disappointed in freedom fighter turned femme fatale. Well on Monday I check in with director Dustin Ferguson on what tidbits he can release about his upcoming Nemesis 5 film. 

That thing on your forehead is ready to pop.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Nemesis Week: Nemesis III: Prey Harder

Welcome back readers young and mature, although if you are mature why are you reading this blog? We journey on now to the further adventures of Alex (Sue Price of Nemesis II: Nebula, Nemesis III: Time Lapse, Nemesis IV: Death Angel) that wacky DNA mutant or genetically engineered specimen worthy of Khan's notice. Will she leave 1980 to save those in the future? How will she even get to the future? This is Nemesis III: Time Lapse a.k.a. Cyborg Terminator 3, Nemesis 3 and Nemesis III: Prey Harder.

Jiggly borgs of the future!!!

Ah yeah baybee! Alternative titles. Well I have had those since Andy Warhol's films.

Now people have grumbled of the stock footage of Nemesis II being used to recount how Alex (Sue Price) came to be in 1980, grow up to be a bad ass warrior and in general have a stick up their butt about this and that. You will find many a film reusing footage both A and B movie alike so button it more maybe you feel Richard Donner should be crucified for Superman II's use of previous footage. Whatever. It is not my concern.

Moving on we catch up with Alex as her last escapades dealing with Nebula the armored cyborg hunter and how she defeated it. Because of the alternative titles my copy is Prey Harder. A brief exposition establishes Nebula's failure to capture Alex so a newer model is being sent to capture her because her DNA may be the key to ending the human uprising. Cut to the future with cityscape and a droid reviewing the data and gen 2 computer generations under its awesome helm is...Farnsworth? Yup another recreation android Farnsworth 2.0 (Tim Thomerson of Fade to Black, Trancers, Near Dark, Air America, Dollman, Trancers II, Trancers III, Nemesis, Brain Smasher... A Love Story and Spitfire) is back for this one and I guessing since they already had him in production, they just knocked out a new model. Hey it worked for Arnold, so hush.

That Ab Rocker will take it right out of you.

Injured and battered from Nebula, Alex is re-cooperating from her wounds and starts having memories of the past movie when she awakens, a little scarred but none of them left threatening which is wild considering the punishment she took from the cyborg killing machine. A lesser being would be dead ten times over. Maybe her necklace that was encoded with the information Jor-El I mean her mother left her will finally give her the what what. Hey I am hopeful.

With her village and people wiped out, Alex journeys to find answers, food and shelter in East Africa. Loaded with a handful of pistols, augmented strength, reflexes and a will to survive she encounters Farnsworth purely by accident as he will aid her from her wounds but for some reason she does not see his true form and only the pleasant man claiming to be a missionary as he sees her wounds hardly matter even being shot in the head she only is slightly amnesiac. She is having flashes of a combat she had but cannot recall with who.

Farnsworth 2 is scanning her mind and body without her really understanding why. He starts questioning her family, sisters, mother and if she has any family. Now to any sane person Farnsworth sounds like a complete creeper but Alex has never been beyond her village.

Memories traveling with two men in a jeep and seeing a similar time capsule in the air she and the men go investigate but the Wotans attack them and only Alex survived and true to fashion she strips the bodies of needed supplies and weapons. Her McGuffin necklace leads her to Ramie (Ursula Sarcev of Nemesis 3: Time Lapse) claiming to be her sister. Flashes to being attacked again and again. Realizing how powerful Alex is, Farnsworth communicates to the future for backup if they are going to secure Alex. Her necklace joins her with her sisters to they may procreate and build a league of super beings to overthrow their cyborg masters. We will call that Plan B... For boning.

Jack Trancer is not a happy bunny.

During the height of the Civil War in Africa several of the Wotans have been replaced with cyborgs hell bent to kill Alex when she meets up with Edsion (Norbert Weisser of Midnight Express, The Thing, Schindler's List, Hocus Pocus, Heatseeker, Omega Doom, Blast, Crazy Six, Brimston and Sorcerers), a merc for hire that saw all his rebel employers vaporized who gets abandoned by Alex as he is visited by Lock (Sharon Bruneau of Nemesis 2: Nebula, Tornado Run, Nemesis 3: Time Lapse, Erotic Confessions, Erotic Confessions: Volume 11, R.S.V. P. And Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding) and Ditko (Ms. Olympia Debbie Muggli of Joe Weider's Ms. Olympia XIII, Martin, Nemesis 2: Nebula and Nemesis 3: Time Lapse) two platinum blonde gun nuts tracking Alex.

The rebels are not faring well with the cyborgs blowing away everything in sight tracking down Alex.

Can Alex reunite with her half sisters?? Will she have to wait a year for another time capsule?

Okay aside from the borg twins, this is not a bad continuation of the story. I was glad to see Tim Thomerson back and an explanation of new bot. The action is decent, the effects for the bots are...a wee bit simple with the digital overlay with glowing eyes, blurring of the characters and I really missed Nebula in action but again that full rubber body suit must have been sweltering.

And yes I will finally comment about Desert Eagles Mark VII wasn't made until 1990 and 9mm Berettas M9 wasn't made until 1985 being wildly used in 1980 before their inception leads me to believe even killing machines like their design. Still would have brought laz weapons myself.

Overall not a bad sequel to 2 and I look forward to seeing 4 tomorrow.

Rambo got nothing on Alex.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Nemesis Week: Nemesis II: Nebula

And we are back. Greetings readers and welcome back to Nemesis Week. I realize that should read Nemeses Week for proper grammar but that has never been a top priority on this blog. After the episodic film of yesterday...well there will be spoilers. Those not interested in that, clear out now. You have been warned. Okay with that bit of unpleasantness out of the way we move to our sequel. This is Nemesis II: Nebula.

I'm looking for Sarah Connor...oh wait a minute.

78 years later (2098 AD) after the fall of humanity's dominance of the planet. L.A. Bounty hunter Alex failed in his mission and mankind is under the yoke of the machines. They have lost to their cyborg masters but a faction of rebel scientists develop a new DNA strain. Yup to save us from the tyranny of enhanced machines, we will genetically modify humans. So from the hands of T-800 to Khan??!! Let's see how it pans out. With this potential demon or savior "Mom" has emerged from a time cube with glyphs in the year 1980 in East Africa. Seriously, I think she stole Omega's TARDIS. Brandishing her Desert Eagle of the future she heads for high ground with a less than thrilled baby Alex in her arms.

Mom has to abandon the baby because plot device. With a bit of exposition she tells the baby that she will have powers and that Nebula will one day come for the baby. She give baby Alex the Kal-El send off and tells her the Spencer's Gift/New Age Crystal McGuffin necklace will reveal all one day. Her mother killed, Alex is raised by the tribe of East Arizona er um Africa. Yeah imagine not being able to fly out to a region that may not care for outsiders traipsing about.


20 years after the 78 years later. Making that 2118 A.D.?? Anyway, the Nebula (stuntman Chad Stahelski of Spitfire, Nemesis II: Nebula, Nemesis 3: Time Lapse, Vampires, The Hunted, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Constantine and V for Vendetta) bounty hunter has finally managed to a glimpse of Alex. Alex (Sue Price of Nemesis II: Nebula, Nemesis 3: Time Lapse, Nemesis 4: Death Angel and Nemesis 5: The New Model) now grown to be a warrior thanks to her adopted Kutu tribe and personally I think Nebula blew off his assignment so he could be challenged. 78 years control of the people, yeah he wanted a true fight for a change.

Now before we all start screaming Terminator rip-off, take a breath and realize every time travel series does not revolve around your cybernetic organisms that are just living computers. These cyborgs were once human. See??!!! 10 minutes in the film and we already have POV of Nebula cruising along the dunes in search of his prey. Suck it T-1000 with your playing it safe as a patrol cop.

Starwoman: in Color.

The tribal chief (Shelton Baily of Nemesis 2: Nebula and Nemesis 3: Time Lapse) senses the arrival of Nebula through the bones like Rune stones as Alex prepares to prove herself as a warrior for her tribe. Juna (Earl White of Nemesis 2: Nebula, Bloodsport 2, Nemesis III: Time Lapse, Blast, Omega Doom, Sorcerers and Black Panther) her friend, rival and potential love interest worries for her safety rather than admitting he is not certain he can deal with her being a warrior but he does care for her and wishes her to succeed for everything she has fought for. Taken to her vessel of origin Juna explains her ship came from the sky, and Alex finds a high frequency knife or dagger that cuts through solid rock.

With their village destroyed, Juna and Alex retreat to prepare a new attack. Armed with her skills, blade and a Mosin-Nagant bolt-action rifle or the M1891 Alex must destroy this monster before the region and all its inhabitants get wiped out in the process.

First off, kudos to Pyun giving the stereotypical action hero role to a woman and not making it so campy that she could fight. Price is in amazing shape, looks like she can handle herself and in no way is less than feminine for her body building. Why she has to save the Americans from the Wotans is pretty typical I suppose but Price is priceless. Just draws the schmuck's pistol off of him, shoves and blows them away. The civil war seems too similar to the Chadian-Libyan conflict, a bloody nine year conflict from 1978 to 1987.

Our story has mild exposition, Alex is damn impressive in cunning, skill and instinctual nature but she does not let it take away her humanity. Unlike her American counterparts that have never been put in a life and death situation, you realize Alex's continued existence is because of the harsh environment she grew up in, thinks on her feet, not shy about looting the bodies and very capable. My lone complaint. No one liners. It's Cyborg with Van Damme almost. Maybe Alex will develop a sense of humor in the third film. We will see. Makes you wish more directors had the balls to make a female action hero/antihero without having to resort to the "love interest" every time.


Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Nemesis Week: Nemesis

Welcome back to the week. In celebration of my buddy writer/director/editor Dustin Ferguson (Terror at Black Tree Forest, Silly Scaries, Doll Killer, Occult Holocaust, Cheerleader Camp: To the Death, Invitation to Die, Silent Night, Bloody Night 2: Revival, Meathook Massacre and Blood Claws) his new film project that probably starts in August Nememis 5. Better known for Horror this should be an interesting foray into an existing Sci-Fi series. The brainchild from the series director/writer/producer Albert Pyun (Cyborg, Deceit, Brain Smasher...A Love Story, Spitfire, Heatseeker, Raven Hawk, Mean Guns, Postmortem) will be executive producer for this new saga. In honor of that and the suggestion of my co-host of Rotten Ramblin' On Shawn, it was decided to sit through the first four of these cyberpunk post-apocalyptic films. This is Nemesis.

Have you any fruit to declare?

In the far away future of 2020 (Yes that was sarcasm) Alex (Olivier Gruner of Angel Town, Nemesis, Savate, Mercenary, Mars, Mercenary II: Thick & Thin, The Circuit, Crooked, Beyond the Game and Assassin X), a burned out LA cop turned bounty hunter is tracking enhanced cyborgs as he was charged with taking down The Red Army Hammerheads, a gathering of cyborg freedom fighters when it all goes pear shaped. After acquiring a data chip of a courier android, Alex runs right smack dab into the terrorists and gun fu ensues. He manages to blow away most of them at the cost of damn near his life with the surviving memeber Rosaria (Jennifer Gatti of Mobsters, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Double Exposure, Millennium Man, Blood Money, Finding Carter and Vice Principals) calls him a soulless machine and pops him.

After some cybernetic implantation and months of therapy, Alex is back to his old self. Well...86.5 percent himself as he tracks down Rosaria in to Old Baja to take her and her ragtag terrorist cell out. 

Man this wig is warm.

His handler/former lover Jared (Majorie Monaghan of The Bonfire of Vanities, Regarding Henry, Nemesis, The Osiris Chronicles, Babylon 5, Rescue 77, Becker and Andromeda) is an android that pulled him from prison and gave him his terrorist slaying missions and now he has to dull the pain of his synthetic organs and cyber implants with a drug making him practically a slave for his masters. They let him run wild for a time, freelance gun for hire/triggerman if you will until, you guessed it. Yet another gunfight goes horribly awry.

With more rehab and improvements, Commissioner Farnsworth (Tim Thomerson of Fade to Black, Trancers, Near Dark, Air America, Dollman, Trancers II, Trancers III, Nemesis, Brain Smasher... A Love Story and Spitfire) gives Alex one last assignment, to track down and eliminate Jared and her network of spies and terrorists. The story they gave Alex feels hinky at best but with his new rebuild they added a bomb to his heart set to go off in three days unless he tracks down Jared. In New Rio, Alex makes his way to a cyborg name of Julian (Deborah Shelton of The Yellow Rose, Body Double, Dallas, The Choice,Sins of the Night, Desire, Plughead Rewired: Circutry Man II and High Tide) and a strike team is waiting to pounce on Jared.

OooO hot chick.  Hey isn't that Thomas Jane against her?

Julian tells Alex the main reason Farnsworth is after Jared because of the info she has is about a plot for the machines to take key roles in the governments all over the planet. Whether Alex believes this or not, the crap has hit the fan and the bullets starting flying.

Can Alex stop this plot? Will Farnsworth pop Alex as well? Are humans even aware the dangers of the androids and cyborgs possess?

To be fair, I have seen this film before and I love the cyberpunk genre since Phillip K Dick and William Gibson starting writing it. The action is impressive, the story sound and even the exposition is decent. Loved seeing Vincent Klyn of Cyborg and Point Break being a terrifying bad ass again as well.
B-movie it may be but don't be too quick to discount the potential for a good flick. Hell, A list film have been known to fall flat on their ass.  Just ask Judge Dredd.

M-hm, good peep show here.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Italian Dark Universe: Dawn of the Mummy

And we return to Italian Dark Universe and what would cap the week off best is a mummy movie. Technically this is a Egyptian/US/Italian venture but Italy is in there, right? Good enough! To be honest I was looking at the myriad of shark films instead. Didn't even occur to me Italian mummy flick until an hour ago. So from Egyptian producer/director Frank Agrama (Queen Kong,Birth, Around the World in 80 Days, The Man Who lived at the Ritz, Shaka Zulu, Dragon Ball, Return to the Lost World, American Strays, Robotech II: The Sentinels and Captain Harlock and the Queen of a Thousand Years) and Italian screenwriters Daria Price (Take Off, The Nesting, Dawn of the Mummy and Survival of the Fittest) and Ronald Dobrin (Queen Kong and Dawn of the Mummy) bring us our film. This is Dawn of the Mummy.

May the gods see you home.

In the year 3000 BC, after a lengthy ceremony of burying a pharaoh, his gold and slaves, the high priestess (Laila Nasr of Harry Boy and Dawn of the Mummy) invokes a curse placed on it should anyone dare disturb the tomb. And with that they seal the tomb of gold sprayed pots, an near Ark of the Covenant and six living slaves.

Cut to 1981 as tomb raiders blow a hole in the cliff face to unseal the tomb. Because of the noxious toxins released to kill the slaves, the head raider suggests giving it a day to air out. I was thinking at least two weeks and full Hazmat gear with turbine fans but that's just me. Our blond haired, blue eyed destroyer of lands and pillager of artifacts is warned by Xena (Laila Nasr) the no so much warrior princess but channeling superstition in true Friday the 13th Crazy Ralph fashion screaming about the curse. Criminal blue eyed f**k shoots at her, scares her off and tells his hired goons to watch the cave entrance for fellow bandits. Three guys check out the cave, have their skins melted off and boom! Title card and grooving, funky New York City in view as folk walking about and getting to work.

Mila Jovavich's facial went awry!

Cut to models traveling through Giza on Jeep while Melinda (Ellen Faison of Hail, Sweet,Sweet Freedom, Love,in Strange Places, Bloodsucking Freaks,Visions and Acting Out) cannot be bothered with the spoils and wonder of the Pyramids because her toe nail polish has to be just so. Yeah she will be a main character. Grrr... Jenny (Joan Levy of Dawn of the Mummy, H.E.L.P. And The Bumblebee Flies Anyway) points out to the splendor of the land as photographer Gary (John Salvo of Dawn of the Mummy, George Washington II: The Forging of Nation, Perfect Cimes and Murphy Brown) preps for a modeling shoot. Remember this is the 80s so Vogue has big bucks to field this fly out to Giza for probably some offensive mummy summer wear shoot.

How much for the women?

Our models and camera crew get hit by the plot device and pop a tire. Our gang goes out to explore only to encounter a dead man's head in the sand. A decent prop head but hardly worth three shots worth. Personally I loved the skull and crossbones red paint to establish the thieves are carrying dynamite. Nice touch. So our jiggly girl shoot commences while more dynamite is released yet again. Pretty sure the models, male and female alike are deaf. I also can't help but notice Gary looks like David Hess just less murderous and rapey. With more spouts of the curse, the first 25 minutes drags on a bit but all our characters have been developed...as best as they can be.

The photo crew and thieves meet up with McGuffin as one of the thieves drew their attention. Well a cursory viewing later and this will be the greatest snaps in all of ze world. Somehow the heavy lamps start awakening the mummy. I figured it was the inane banter that did it but what do I know.

Thirty minutes before we get any hint to a mummy as the thieves move to their benefactors and FINALLY the mummy gets off his undead ass starting a rampage. 5000 years or not, this dude was under Operation:Dragonass. With all the heat lamps, the mummy was making like a Stouffer's lasagna...TAKING FOREVER TO COOK!!!

So a round of POV hide the creature gag is done and I am thinking,"Movie, you're called Dawn of the Mummy, stop hiding." Still love the whisk to safety to Ahmed's and he looks like Lesiure Suit Larry. He should have a neon sign over him exclaiming " Sell Girls to Shieks!"

With the mummy in hot pursuit and yet I mean slow as molasses in Boston January, our cameramen think they know a thing or two when dealing with the undead. Also those poor slaves at the beginning of the movie, yeah they're basically ghouls now. Flesh eaters still having to serve their dick of a pharaoh. No unions in servitude.

Will the Mummy bring about a biblical curse?? Is Armageddon sure to follow?? Why is the sky blue??

Practical effects wise, this isn't bad. The pacing is a tad slow and yet characters are hastily rushed in. With the smaller budget of 400k, actual pyramids and having both Cairo and Giza as your backdrop you have easily whip the BS studio productions of Styrofoam with flecked spray paint or gelatinous coating sound dampening substance. So existing structures, cities and the like give the production value an amazing level. That being said however, I was not blown away by meddling teens/twenty somethings raising the undead cliche. You damn kids!!!

Your cast is relatively unknowns that none had a breakaway performance per-say but was not a horrible movie experience. It did crack me up that Harmony Gold Ltd.was the distributor given they are better known for anime such as Voltron, Defender of the Universe and the Robotech series. Not sure were mummy movies fit on that scale.   Still no Tom Cruise screaming and close up pans of him running.

Another Jelly party takes a dark turn.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Italian Dark Universe: Monster Dog

I bid you greetings and usher you back to Italian Dark Universe because...shared universes always turn out well. Look at AVP and Freddy Vs Jason. Such cinematic delights they were. Y'know I have witnessed titanic tainted turds. I have waded through some putrified piles of puppy poop and then there is this movie. What do you get when you cross the Godfather of Horror Rock with an illustrious Italian Horror director?! Well normally if we were speaking of Mario Bava, Dario Argento or Lucio Fulci I would say an awesome sauce of film making. Alas, we have none of those men up to bat. Hell we don't even have Bruno Mattei at the helm. Nope, instead we got Troll 2's own Claudio Fargasso (Women's Prison Massacre, Rats: Night of Terror, Cop Game, Zombi 3, Strike Commando 2 and Shocking Dark). This is Monster Dog a.k.a. The Bite and Lord of the Dogs.

Welcome to Alice's Contractual Nightmare...

OoO scary music with a red background and title fonts. Now I am not expecting gold but honestly this film feels like I didn't get coal in my stocking as much as a heaping collection of reindeer crap. Of all music sensations, Vince Raven (Alice Cooper of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Roadie, Prince of Darkness, Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare, Wayne's World and Dark Shadows) is finished with his latest rock video (that was when MTV stood for Music Television, younger readers) and his girlfriend Sandra (Victoria Vera of Rosalia, Canas y barro, Rebeldia, Under Seige, Black Jack, Freddie of the Jungle and Private Crimes) alongside the film crew of said video suggest they film in Vince's hometown for the next hit off his latest album. We are in 1984, people. This kind of welcome home would be pitchforks and torches, possibly some Latin chanting while waving bibles and/or crucifixes.

Sheriff Bluto and Deputy Andy Gibb patrol the streets.

Former schoolmate and childhood chum is now Sheriff Morrison (Ricardo Palacios of Ragan, El Condor, Secret Intentions, The Man Called Noon, The House on Garabaldi Street and The Beasts' Carnival) greets Vince but warns him of the late night shooting would be problematic as there have been vicious dog attacks and they should stay on their toes. Now the fact there are 5 crew members shooting this video really bugged me and proved once again Fargasso had next to no budget. Seriously, five people working on a professional video shoot?

No sooner the main cast has been warned in lesser Crazy Ralph tradition, the law of the town is killed by the wild dogs. They ate the sheriff and the deputy!!! Now who will confiscate pot from teens or leer and peep on the kids at Make Out Point?!

I'm gonna drive the hell out of this scene.

The jaunt to the house is interrupted when the driver accidentally runs over a German Shepard with jump cuts. Not wanting it to suffer another single minute of being in this film I mean in pain, Vince cracks its skull with a rock. As the crew is paused of the death an old man spattered in blood attacks them announcing they will all die and then flees to the woods. So if we are to believe this lycanthrope can shapeshift...why a German Shepard? Also was his clothes nearby or do they just shift up inside of him when he is in dog form? Well the cast splits up and you know what happens from there.

Vince thinks he was bit at some point in the film and tells Sandra he cannot live that nightmare of chasing parked cars and licking his balls all the while not falling off the couch.

Other than unusual film choices, Alice Cooper may have created 26 albums, 48 singles, 11 live albums and 21 compilation albums. Six of which went platinum in the US and 2 additional went gold.
With the typical lack of continuity, editing and just decent storytelling, this film had potential. I am still curious how a rocker got dressed like a soccer dad between shoots but that was the least of my worries.

Alice Cooper has been dubbed over with a guy that sounds like he is trying desperately to be a hybrid of Raymond Burr and Edward Mannix. The blocking was terrible, the werewolf was an dry ice shrouded puppet and the rest of the cast is Italian with the exception of Cooper. Cast and directed by Italians, shot in Spain you get the feeling it was never meant for the land of the living. While the musical score was genuinely creepy, the pace was fair I would recommend this film to MST3K or IncognitoCinema Warriors XP for riffing delight.

Grr.  This is the best the puppet could do.  Grr.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Italian Dark Universe: Blood for Dracula

Welcome back to Italian Dark Universe. Yeah I may have made that title up...like so many others. Today's film is also produced by the legendary Andy Warhol and directed by Paul Morrissey (Flesh, Lonesome Cowboys, San Diego Surf, Trash, Women in Revolt, Heat, L'Amour, Flesh for Frankenstein, Blood for Dracula and The Hound of the Baskervilles). Will this be as lurid and lewd as its predecessor Flesh for Frankenstein? This is Blood for Dracula a.k.a. Andy Warhol's Dracula, Andy Warhol's Young Dracula, Dracula and Young Dracula.

Bah, credits always show up when I am putting on my face.

Our film opens with Dracula (Udo Kier of Mark of the Devil, Provocation, The Salzburg Connection, Blood for Dracula, The Last Word, Trauma, Suspiria, Lulu, The Island of the Bloody Plantation, Johnny Mnemonic, Blade and Shadow of the Vampire) looking baroque as he rubs a dark makeup in his eyebrows, presumably hiding the aging the vampire takes on when he has fed. But he requires virgin blood to improve his undead health or it is permanent death for him. It is the 1920s in Transylvania is lacking a larger population thanks to centuries of feeding on his people for so long, it is time to set up shop elsewhere and proceeds to to Italy with his manservant Anton (Arno Juerging of Die Kramer, Flesh for Frankenstein, Blood for Dracula, All Around Service, Ein Mann will nach oben and Didi- Der Doppleganger) as a gentleman abroad searching for a suitable bride. Yup that old chestnut.

That is NOT the Transylvanian Twist!

Surveying the countryside and its people, the Count is aware of the highly religious Catholics being strict with their daughters when he encounters a family with no less than four daughters wets the Count's appetite.

Saphiria (Dominique Darel of Death in Venice, La cosa buffa, The Grand Duel, Sepolta viva, Blood for Dracula, Year One and Il nero muove), Esmeralda (Milena Vukotic of Blood of Dracula, The Phantom of Liberty, Erotomania, The Voyage Into the Whirlpool Has Begun, My Friends, The House of Raoul, La terrazza, La locandiera, Sunday Lovers and Fantozzi Against the Wind), Rubina (Stefania Casini of Blood for Dracula, 1900, Suspiria, The Belly of an Architect, Lontano da dove and Maicol Jecson) and Perla (Silvia Dionisio of Police Chief Pepe, A Girl Called Jules, Blood for Dracula, My Friends, Terror Express, Ciao marziano, The Fascist Jew, Murder Syndrome and La sconosciuta) each pleasing to the eye makes the count wonder if these girls are as virginal as they claim.

Yeah she seems less virginal. Not judging!

Groundskeeper Mario(Joe Dallesandro of Flesh, Lonesome Cowboys, San Diego Surf, Trash, Heat, Flesh for Frankenstein, Blood for Dracula, Garden of Death, One Woman's Lover, The Climber, Black Moon, Season for Assassins, The Streetwalker and Born Winner) burns off excess energy by porking at least two of the sisters, some times in the same night. Never knew how randy a Marxist could be.

Will Dracula have his virgin breakfast,tea, supper the lot?? Will Mario fight Dracula and save his Peach?

Little side note here.  I was wondering if it was all an act on Udo Kier's part but turns out he lost 20 lbs in a week for the role and was extremely ill so he had to sit for most of the scenes on the first day. It is odd that Flesh for Frankenstein fell under the Video Nasty standing and yet a flick with sexuality, clearly a clash of aristocratic monarchy vs Communism and a rape for good intentions (yeah I know I just typed it and believe me I wish I hadn't seen it) this somehow remained intact without a ton of cuts to it.

Originally tallying at 103 minutes, it was chopped down to 94 minutes when released to VHS but was made whole in 1995 and since made to DVD the uncut (PENIS JOKE!) version has long graced the Horror shelves.

With the disturbing content of molestation, vampirism hymen attacks and lapping blood off the floor you can gather if I need to see a Dracula film I can stick with Christopher Lee of the Hammer titles, Dracula 1979 with Frank Langella or the Francis Ford Coppola 1992 version with Gary Oldman thank you! Now if you will excuse me, I need to throw mind bleach down my system.

Tee hee.  Jake snubbed you of the nudity again!