And I'm back. Hey readers welcome back to the blog of Public Domain Goodness and again nothing that good in it. Today's flick has been deemed "The Worse Movie Ever Made," and I call b.s.to that. I have yet to view the worse movie ever made because every time I am ready to declare that flick, another film bashes that one over and I am back at square one. Whomever decreed this the worse movie ever hasn't sat through Andreas Schnass Violent Sh*t movies but I digress. This film is brought to us by Ed Wood himself as writer, producer and director. Is it a massive steaming pile or just low budgeted, poorly written and edited? This is Plan 9 from Outer Space.
|A sperm whale? Oh wait, that's Tor.|
Given 8 plans came prior I shudder to think how dumb those were. Ed Wood (Outlaw Queen, Bride of the Monster, The Bride and the Beast, The Sinister Urge, Married Too Young, Glen or Glenda) brings us a very clunky plot as aliens who have contacted Earth prior threaten to take over the planet...apparently one town at a time. They're not very organized but they do have a plan. Plan 9 involves the resurrection of the dead and using them as a disposable army to swarm the populous and subjugate them to their dastardly will.
|No Timmy, you cannot have more than 4 cookies.|
Thus far they decided a late bride, played by character actress/horror glamour model/chorus girl Vampira a.k.a. Maila Nurmi. A flight from Burbank is going on at 4 in the morning, in spite of the daily stock footage looking about 3 in the afternoon. Co-pilot Danny (David De Mering of Plan 9 from Outer Space and Night of the Ghouls) and Captain Jeff (Gregory Walcott of The Sugarland Express, Thunderbolt and Lightfoot, The Eiger Sanction, Kojak, Midway, The Six Million Dollar Man, ChiPs and Vega$) witness a spectacle not common in their skies. A flying saucer...that looks like a Jiffy Pop bag on a string. Shocking!
Somehow the wife of Old Man (Bela Lugosi of Dracula, Island of Lost Souls, The Black Cat, The Black Sleep, Bride of the Monster, Brooklyn Gorilla, Suspense, Scared to Death and Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein) animates and kills two grave diggers...presumptuously. It was off camera.
No sooner is Old Man is buried a couple of family friends found the sweaty grave diggers and their sweat coated pants. Dead Swamp Ass!!!
L.A.'s finest are hot on the case led by Inspector Clay (Tor Johnson of The Unearthly, Bride of the Monster, The Black Sheep, Journey to Freedom, Plan 9 from Outer Space, Night of the Ghouls, The Beast of Yucca Flats and Head) as they explore where the grave diggers' bodies were found. While his team secures the scene (sound stage), Clay decides to knock around a whale. Yeah folks, if you are the many that complain about Schwarzenegger's accent, GOOD LUCK deciphering what the hell Tor Johnson said. Close Captions told me he was having a look around.
Jeff reminisces over the flying saucer to his wife and Army Brass told him to keep his yap shut. In spite of telling his wife.
Clay is buzzed by the saucer and then attacked by Vampira and Not Bela Lugosi (a stand-in had to step in when Bela passed away during filming) thus killing him off camera on the lone sound stage they had. So yes they bury Clay in the very same graveyard.
Soon it is revealed by an Army Colonel to Jeff that aliens are responsible for all of these shenanigans of the dead. Colonel, Lt. Harper and Jeff spring into action to fend off these incompetent aliens. With pistols.
|Bring in the space steamer for the space drapes.|
Our best army stock footage from Korea new reels couldn't stop these aliens.
What do we take away from this ambitious film? Well the film attempts science fiction/gothic horror and the period piece term Atompunk (From 1945-1965 atomic age, jet and space age dealing with Soviet communism, Cold War era and superhero films and comics) a 50s take on what the future looks like. Nonsensical dialogue, theatre with way too much melodrama and an introduction by Ed Wood's friend Criswell, a psychic. Narrative approach to explain the action. Trying a hand at government conspiracy to cover up the UFO sightings.
The problem is shots do not match from scene to scene, Afternoon to mid evening to suddenly jet black at night on a sound stage and most of the dialogue just sounds like odd rambling. Trying for a The Day the Earth Stood Still, a more advanced civilization attempts to invade the Earth but clearly they did not have the budget for spaceship models, scale work or even that large of a cast. Props of the "spaceship" look like they have been lifted from previous Frankenstein movie sets, ham radios and loads of curtains when they clearly couldn't get some set builders.
No objectives are clear, the plot does not add up the subplots, the characters really have no motivation and there is no real direct meshing of these scenes. I did get to enjoy (loathe) several sweaty large men swamp ass shots. This film is great for maybe a drinking game, something a gathering of friends to make fun of and yes thankfully Rifftrax made a version to mock outright.
|He's a tween, his partner a goob. Stay tuned for Cop and 3 Quarters.|
(US) Image Entertainment, 2000
(Germany) Winkler Film/Alive AG, 2009
(Austrailia) Force Video, 2011
(US) Legend Films 2009