Sci-Fi Fantasy Week!

Sword and sorcery!! Danger and dragons! Good Vs Evil!  These are but a few examples of the genre that we will be tackling this week as we journey into this very realm.  5 days of films that were lost in obscurity to common household names I will try and provide you with as much enjoyment as possible involving realm of magic and mysticism as well as brave souls relying on courage, heart and steel.

Hey the Lord of the Rings set is beyond the cave, guys!

Director of the Week: Don Coscarelli: Bubba Ho-Tep

Howdy boys and girls and welcome to Day 5 of Director of the Week with Don Coscarelli.  Now yesterday was a bit of a stomach turner with Incident On and Off a Mountain Road so let’s end the week on a classy note, and nothing screams classy like an Elvis Mummy movie. So hide your candy, keep a flashlight handy for lights out and tell that orderly where he can stick it.   This is Bubba Hotep.

The King in deep contemplation. 

Elvis: Don’t make me use my spoiler on ya, baby.

In a third rate nursing home in East Texas not much goes on in The Shady Rest Retirement Home.  The staff is ill-mannered and adheres to their schedules and even though they may have more than a few faded celebrities, we are all reminded that death still keeps taking its toll.

The staff of the nursing home does have a bit of amusement what with Sebastian Haff (Bruce Campbell of The Evil Dead, Army of Darkness, Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2 and Burn Notice), an Elvis impersonator claims to be the actual Elvis that swapped lives with Sebastian Haff in order to live in peace and anonymity.   But if things get dicey he and Haff agreed that if the King gets tired of the quiet life they can swap back but a propane explosion burned all of his proof preventing Elvis to be able to ever return to the old gigs.

Whaddua mean wood tick on my neck??!!

A hip injury happened during a concert causing an infection and a coma leaving him here at Shady Rest wound him into this predicament.  His only friend is Jack (Ossie Davis of Car 54, Where are You?, The Defenders, Cool Red, B.L. Stryker, Grumpy Old Men, Doctor Dolittle and The L Word), a black man convinced he is John F Kennedy that had his brain swapped out into this body to avoid another assassination attempt and was forgotten about.   The two start to notice people dying in numbers around the home and come to realize that a mummy is roaming the halls at night sucking souls from the residents.  Only these two men can stop the madness and bring this undead soul sucking monster down.

Not so good ole boy.

I have just a few points on this film.  Based on the written work of graphic novelist, and Bram Stoker Award writer, Joe R. Lasdale this warped and amusing story holds elements of memories past, regret, sorrow, triumphs and joy.   Yes all that can be found in an Elvis Vs. the Mummy novel.  Bruce Campbell read the script and called Don Coscarelli to make sure than the infected cancer sore on the end of Elvis’ penis was NOT to be on screen.  Once that air was cleared he was on board for the film.  

Phantasm alumni Reggie Bannister makes a cameo in the film and you can just hear the ecstatic cries of Reggie and Ash fans losing their minds over two cinematic monster slayers on the same screen.   In spite of this being an Elvis Preseley film not a single song of his is heard throughout the whole film.  Don Coscarelli when to explain how it would have cost half of the movie’s budget to license even just one of his songs.

The moral of the story kiddies is, “Don’t f&*k with the King, babies!”  

Just a lonesome cowboy, ma'am.

Happy Friday the 13th!!!!

For all you Pamela and Jason fans out there, for those who love crappy dialogue, jiggly girls put to death in bizarre ways.  For the few of us struggling to find a plot, rhyme or reason why the undead, hillbilly mongoloid still roams Camp Crystal Lake.  We salute you!!!

Can Tommy come out and play?

Director of the Week: Don Coscarelli: Incident On and Off a Mountain Road

It was a dark and stormy night…oh wait my creative writing course is later.  Welcome back to Director of the Week: Don Coscarelli.  We have found yet another toilsome tale of darkness.   From something as mundane as a crash accident could lead to such impending terror.  So stock up your road munchies, grab that mix CD or audio book and ride on into the night.  This is Incident On and Off a Mountain Road.

 

Zoning on the road.

Buddy: They say the eyes are the spoiler to the soul. You see so many bad things in your life. It all comes in through your eyes. And sometimes your eyes lie to you, and show you things you don’t wanna see.

Anchor Bay Entertainment assembled some of the greater horror directors into creating 13 one- hour films ranging from supernatural entities to demented madmen roaming in their own worlds.  From the likes of Tobe Hooper (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Eaten Alive) John Carpenter (Halloween, The Thing) Stuart Gordon (Re-Animator, From Beyond), Joe Dante (Piranha, The Howling),Mick Garris (Critters 2, The Fly II) Dario Argento (Suspiria, Deep Red) and John Landis (An American Werewolf in London, Innocent Blood) comes morbid folk lore to the small screen.  This time around is Don Coscarelli’s turn to make you shake and quiver in terror.

Fly Moonface!!!

Driving in a secluded mountain road Ellen (Bree Turner of My Best Friend’s Wedding, American Pie 2, Just My Luck and The Ugly Truth) collides with an abandoned car on this stretch of the highway.  Prepping her insurance card and story, she notices there is no one in the vehicle but spies a trail of blood leading into the dense forest.  

Now a logical person would be calling the highway patrol, the forest rangers and the like but our plucky gal proceeds to follow the trail into the seemingly never ending forest with she encounters a deranged and deformed loony calling himself Moonface (John DeSantis of Thir13teen Ghosts, Bloodsuckers, Blade: The Series, The Dresden Files, The Hole and 30 Days of Night: Dark Days), dragging the presumed other driver by the hair in the dirt.  Only just escaping him, Ellen flees into the aforementioned dense forest with Moonface in hot pursuit.

Now throughout this particular flick we get a few flashback sequences of Ellen getting survival training from her husband giving her hand-to-hand combat, melee weapons and even some firearm instruction.   Man I normally suggest taking Krav Maga but this is even better.  Moonface finally catches up with her, knocks her out and brings her to this eerie workshop on a ridge just above an enormous waterfall. 

Just hanging..

Ellen stirs back to consciousness from this foul smell and finds herself chained in a basement with the remains of her host’s former victims.  Sitting in a corner is Buddy (Angus Scrimm of Phantasm, Subspecies, Vampirella, Phantasm II and I Sell the Dead) muttering how about Moonface’s methods and motives for his victims.

Good lighting at the kill floor!!

Okay just a few points to make about this film.  For the ladies, this is fairly graphic with its gore, there is a rape scene I too could have done without and more slaps to the face than ever needed.   For the film nitpickers, you will hear thunder and see lightning flashes while in the forest and yet no rain.  Now normally I can dismiss this with just atmospheric discharge on its way to a hard rain but the constant full moon being seen on a quite clear sky made it a bit off for me.  Then again I have not spent a great deal of time in British Columbia.  I am definitely avoiding this mountain stretch if I lack a Mossberg 12 gauge and good size kukri.

Director of the Week: Don Coscarelli: Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead

Hello all and welcome back to more of Director of the Week: Don Coscarelli.  Since Phantasm II has already been covered I thought it only fair to drag you kicking and screaming into the depraved depths of its continuation.  So load your Dwarf Cutter, gas up the ’71 Barracuda and let the road be your guide.  This is Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead.

Hmm, my coat is on fire.

Reggie: I sure hope that ball got a better sense of spoilers than mine do.

Minutes after escaping the mortuary with the Tall Man destroyed our heroes Reggie, Mike and Liz hop in a hearse driven by Alchemy (Samantha Phillips of Phantasm II, Deceit, The Other Man, Hot Springs Hotel, Menno’s Mind and Cheerleader Massacre) and off to safety…or is it?  Alchemy is revealed to be yet another of the Tall Man’s vessels of death and destruction as she flogs Reggie and tosses him out of the hearse.  Mike and Liz are rocked about as the car crashes into a tree.  Reggie finds Mike (A. Michael Baldwin again) and the grassy area is surrounded by the Tall Man’s undead dwarves.

C'mon you mutha!

Blowing away a generous portion of them, Reggie gambles with his and Mike’s lives threatening to blow themselves up with a grenade.  The Tall Man seems to have other plans for Mike and bows out of the impeding conflict.  Mike in a coma begins to dream and understand what the Tall Man is, what the dwarves are and why the spheres are so lethal.

Not for hanging on the Christmas tree.

Saving himself from a possessed nurse, Mike and Reggie make tracks to clear out before the Tall Man comes knocking again.  As they prep they are visited by a ghost from the past.  Jody appears before them and both Reggie and Mike are confused seeing Jody died 12 years ago.   He warns Reggie of the Tall Man only to be too late as he slaps both Jody who is now one of the killer spheres and Reggie down and claiming Mike as a prize.

Back on the road trying to find Mike, Reggie drives through abandoned and ransacked towns with graves turned up and no living soul to be found.  He is befriended and saved by a 12 year old kid name of Tim (Kevin Connors of Full House, Prehysteria! 2, and Pleasantville).  The two scope other towns when they encounter a couple of fairly well armed women that want to know what happened to their town.  A sphere nails one of them draining her dry and the other, Rocky (Gloria Lynne Henry of Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead, The Devil’s Advocate and The Horse Whisperer) joins Reggie and Tim to fight the evil forces of the Tall Man.

 

Da wife is a real twist, eh?

I have a few complaints to register about this film.  Thanks to the anal retention of the MPAA, the film in its original VHS release was neutered to great levels cutting down on the violence and only a handful of films kept the movie intact.  In 2007, Anchor Bay was allowed to release an unrated version having the same level of violence and gore as the previous two films.  After 1985, Horror genre slasher/supernatural/zombie films had a lot of interference due to overbearing parents, Christian focus groups and people feeling that art could persuade some folks to imitate it in real life.  If that is true to form I am off now to watch 1978 Superman in order to fly, bend steel in my hands and gots to try out that X-ray vision.

Blog 275!!!! The Beastmaster!!!

Hey hey, hey boys and girls!!! Welcome back to Director of the Week: Don Coscarelli and I bet you would like to hear about Phantasm II… Well it is archived so look it up.  That’s right I reviewed it ages ago but don’t worry my little munkins I have another film in mind that spawned two sequels and even its own TV series of three seasons worth.  So don your loincloth, commune with nature and talk to the animals. This is The Beastmaster.

He is...Chest Waxer!!!

Dar: I have my eyes…I have my cunning…and I have my spoiler.

Based on the award winning sci-fi fantasy writer Andre Norton (Astra, Beast Master, Carolus Rex,Witch World, Trillium and Estcarp Cycle), Don Coscarelli and writer Paul Pepperman (The Beastmaster, Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time and Beastmaster: The Eye of Braxus) collaborate to bring this tale of kings, tryants and monsters to life.

This is the story of Dar (Marc Singer of V, A Man Called Sarge, Watchers II, Dead Space, Dan Turner, Hollywood Detective, Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time and Angel Blade), son of King Zed (yes, that is his character’s name) who was claimed from his mother’s womb by an evil witch in order to end the Empirical order and install the dark, menacing high priest Maax (Rip Torn of Tropic of Cancer, Slaughter, Cotter, Payday, City Heat, Men in Black and Wonder Boys) leaving him free to reign Hell on Earth.   The witch women prepare young Dar for his ritual sacrifice when a poor villager swooped in and rescued the boy.  Good timing on his part.

Tuesday Night is deep fried toddler night at the Sizzler.

The villager raised Dar as his own son and begins to notices how the boy is adept to fighting from their sparring lessons.  Proud father he is, he also notices the strange interaction the lad has with the animals around them.  It is almost as he is speaking with them.   No sooner is the village joy and prosperity is ruined (Cue Conan the Barbarian incidental music) as the villages is sacked, pillaged and burned to the ground by beast like warriors known only as the Jun Horde.   Dar being the only survivor of this horrific attack, vows revenge and journeys (while not listening to Journey) to the land of his father’s former kingdom with only the death of Maax on his mind.

I have just a few tidbits on this particular film now. The kingdom and surroundings are mostly scale model representations and a bit of superimposed pictures but the way it is shot only a persnickety film student would be hip to it.  Minatures modeler Bret Culpepper (The Beastmaster, Human Highway and The Jupiter Menace) working in sync with Visual Effects Cinematographer William Cruse (City on Fire, The Amityville Horror, TRON, Repo Man, Firestarter and The Haunted)really bring the A game in this delivery.  

Wardrobe malfunction in Sci-fi Fantasy!!

Between the copious amounts of stuntmen, not to mention animal trainers you get the feeling this was an impressive production value.   The story is a bit cliché of the seeking vengeance aspect but it was a pretty common theme in loads of genre films, TV and books.  All in all, this was pretty enjoyable and one of the few sci-fi fantasy films I could watch again.

Director of the Week: Don Coscarelli: Phantasm

Okay guys and dolls let’s kick this week off with a wee bit of horror and our director of the week as it is Don Coscarelli.   This movie is not blood caked on the walls violence and a massive behemoth of a man tearing limbs off a token black man simply because he can.  This is a complex story arc that if you skibble off to the bathroom or go get a snack without pausing; yes you will be confused and annoy your fellow viewers.   So load up your .45 and 12 gauge and shoot at anything little, brown and low to the ground.  This is Phantasm.

 

Sorry if I made you wet your pants, SIIIRRR!!

Jody: What’s out there?

Mike: I don’t know. It was little, brown and low to the ground.

Jody: Ahh, it was probably just a spoiler in heat.

Young Mike (A. Michael Baldwin of Kenny & Company, The Fantastic Journey, Eight Is Enough, Vice Girls, Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead and Brutal) has lost both his parents in a car accident and now lives with his brother Jody (Bill Thornbury of Summer School Teachers, Sarah T.- Portrait of a Teenage Alcoholic, Secrets of Midland Heights, The Lost Empire and Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead) and all is more or less well and good when Jody’s best friend Tommy (Bill Cone of Phantasm) is found dead in a graveyard , stabbed through the heart.  The official explanation is suicide but Mike doesn’t believe the inept cops and starts his own investigations.  Screw you Goonies!  Mike does this solo. 

Reggie, yer blinding me again.

Unexplained events seem to be occurring around the funeral home managed by man of 6’4” the lad simply calls The Tall Man.   As Tommy’s funeral ends and the pallbearers have done their duty, our Tall Man lifts a coffin weighing at least 200 lbs plus an additional 200lbs of dead weight inside like it was a potted plant.   Further sleuthing is needed as Mike heads into the mausoleum itself seeing these disturbing dwarves in Jawa robes and top of which silver spheres floating about and drilling into people’s skulls.   Rather than seek immediate therapy, Mike tells his brother Jody and Jody’s buddy Reggie (Reggie Bannister of Kenny & Company, Survival Quest, Phantasm, Phantasm II, The Demolitionist, Wishmaster and Bubba Hotep) and our improvised Scooby gang go and investigate.  And brother they are packing shotguns and .45s.   This is a novel concept in my book.

I have just a few notes about the film if you don’t mind.  Now in interviews Coscarelli has never been frank on what town this was supposed to occur in but clearly areas of California from Pacific Palisades where Morningside Cemetery is to parts of Oakland I was recognizing from personal travels.  Heck I saw regions of San Fernando Valley as well but the story arc is somehow in Oregon.  Seems fitting to bring something so malevolent into God’s country, right?    

Oh boy I wet 'em.

Filmed in 35 mm Spherical this film’s audio is sadly in Mono but hey it was cheaper to film in such with the old school Panaflex.  Bill Thornbury also wrote one the songs for the movie “Sittin’ Here at Midnight” which both he and Reggie Bannister performed on screen.   Hey folks these actors did their own driving and stunts too.   Ballsy lot in my thinking.