Wil Wheaton Week: Python

Howdy all you fun fans and greetings to Day 3 of Wil Wheaton Week.   Well not everything Wil has worked on has been stellar, original or genius for that matter.  Every once in a while you just need to work and what could be better than a CGI- Creature Feature?  Yeah that will never come back to haunt you as your friends tease you mercilessly.  So grab a firearm of unlimited ammo, run like a ninny and use bogus scientific facts to back it up.  This is Python.

 

Yikes, that is quite the do.

Tommy: Dude, you got me out of bed for a spoiler?

Well let’s just jump right into our film with an atypical cargo plane C-123 in a crazy rainstorm and the vast airmen of two…? Huh?  A large wooden box of cargo unknown gets busted open and the plane crashes in what looked like the hills of Vietnam but low and behold it looks like it landed around Tarzana.  But enough of that nonsense, let’s follow the bicycle cardio nut John Cooper (Frayne Rosanoff of To Protect and Serve, Longshot, Close Call and Hollywoo) with his eco ways demands his brother Brian (Chris Cooper of Lexx, The X-Files, Power and Beauty, The Recruit and The Line) close down and clean up the family plant and they have conflicting ideologies of what the family business should be…yawn.   Unnecessary back story and attempting to make one dimensional Johnny Boy deeper and let’s get back with our creature feature.  

What's a nudity clause, Dana?

The snake handler and resident mad scientist Doctor Anton Rudolph (Robert Englund of Eaten Alive, A Nightmare on Elm Street, V, Downtown, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, The Mangler, Justice League and Spectacular Spider-Man) explains the faux pas of the amazing species of mammoth python of inconsistent power scale and properties and how valuable an military asset this would be to Agent Bart Parker (Casper Van Dien of Starship Troopers, Shark Attack 2, Sleepy Hollow, Watch Over Me,  Monk and Born to Ride) NSA go to man with the constantly altering southern accent.  I kid you not it sound Cajun at one point then something around Tennessee.  It was very painful to listen to.   

  But hey we forgot all about Johnny and his amazing story arc.  John and his buddy Tommy (Wil Wheaton of The Good Things, Fish Don’t Blink, Neverland, Naruto, Eurkea and Big Bang Theory) a salmon pink dyed hipster who is all about the Benjamins via real estate.   If he can just be raking in the cash like he wants to he can treat his girl right and blah blah blah.  I won’t lie that was a fierce hairdo and seeing him as this twenty something directionless goober was a complete change of pace.

Now I have just a few critiques of our thrilling movie.   CGI was fair but our snake could go break neck speeds of 50 mph but managed to slow down just enough for our one dimensional characters to flee from its grasp.  It could bash through steel doors yet could not leave the confines of a wooden crate without a bit of assistance.  The prosthetic tail used in a few gore gags; well I saw the strings to put it bluntly.   The deputy that NO ONE liked wasn’t even worthy of an on screen death.  That part did make me laugh quite a bit there.   Yes Johnny boy somehow not attacked in the last reel or even scarred with acid from the snake during the climatic end.  Still at the end of the day this was a B-Movie worthy of mockery and a paycheck for those actors including our boy.

I think I just wet 'em.