Horndogs Beach Party

Hey hey gentle readers!  I'm back.   Long week and a half visiting my folks after the passing of my little brother and got drafted for a writing gig.   Not that I could have objected to this fella, considering my reviews and his flicks go pretty hand-in-hand; as I am referring to former Lincoln Nebraska resident horror/sci-fi guru, Dustin Ferguson (Gloved Murderess, Demon Dolls, Cheerleader Camp: To the Death, Invitation to Die, Nemesis 5: The New Model and Amityville: Evil Never Dies).  And who am I to refuse a fellow former Nebraskan/newcomer Californian?   Our type sticks together. 

 So this time around, something different added to his growing pantheon of material as this film looks to be a bit of a screwball comedy.   Will it surpass Meatballs?   Let's find out.  This is Horndogs Beach Party.

You smell Astroglide and baby man tears?

Now, admittedly the title gave me a completely different picture and the X rated jokes are being suppressed.  I mean, c'mon.  At least watch the film before you cast doubt, people.

With a quick TV intro blurb about the impending party of fun in the sun and a wet T-shirt contest, we can expect some shenanigans of alcohol, some jiggly girls and blatant debauchery.   Y'know, good times! 
A nod to our voice over as our director as we cut right into a theme of 50s style beach music and away we go.   Crafted by the hands of Mike Reeb (Nemesis 5: The New Model, Horndogs Beach Party and Robowoman)we check in on our less than dynamic duo protagonists scoring a decent rental for their getaway. 

Stacey (David Thomas Newman of Roxanne, Rebar, Hazing and Troma presents: Mulligan's Monsters) and Loren (Jared K. Admave of Happy Face, Relationship Status and Horndogs Beach Party) have landed from a horrific red eye flight and are gearing to Par Tay!!

Meanwhile a mishap or classic miscommunication leads the fellas to some different company in the forms of Dusty (Shudan Wang of Spring, Picture Society, Scorpion Girl, Poppies, With You and No Home for Young Man) and Cory (Neveen Woods of Busted, Kythera and Horndogs Beach Party) are stuck sharing this rental with boys??  Icky!  Pubes on the soap, the cap of the toothpaste will be left off and of course the collective of beer and pizza farts.

Dude, the writer was right. I do have beer and pizza farts.

Did get a good laugh that Aunt Brinke is Scream Queen legend, Brinke Stevens (The Slumber Party Massacre, Nightmare Sisters, Warlords, Chinatown Connection, Witchhouse 3: Demon Fire, Die Sister, Die! and The Hot Tub Massacre) who tells the girls that they have to make the best of the situation.  Apparently she broke a gardner too.  Nimble little minx.

Tad (Peter Stickles of Finding Forrester, Cemetery Gates, 2 Minutes Later, Watch Out, Skinned Alive, Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong and Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver) and buddy Brad are clearly meathead bros.  Yeah those bros that chug beer like it is water and somehow "get laid" in spite of their lack of personality, wit, charm or in general douche behavior.  Pissed that Stacey and Loren got the "hot chicks" are determined to ruin their party by all means necessary.   Of course my brain went right to pig's blood and severed heads on the lawn but again, that's me.

Nosy neighbor Brigitte (Dawna Lee Heising of Bladerunner, Forbidden Warrior, Mistaken Identity, Legend of the Red Reaper, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance, Meathook Massacre II and Lake of Shadows) is slowly spinning into a tizzy.  Full blown tizzy alert!  You have been warned.  How dare those twenty somethings have a party?!   It's almost like...they're twenty somethings on vacation and having fun.  The horror.  The horror.   You'd think she would have learned from Amityville: Evil Never Dies that being a nosy neighbor can be problematic but I digress. 

How much for the Super Mario Bros/ Duck Hunt?

Brigitte bound and determined to catch the kids pulling hi-jinks (Dear God I sound old) so she plans to invade the party and get the proof she needs for the co-op board association and tattle all the way. 
Love that both Dusty and Loren's friends have to practically drag them to and fro just to go have fun.  Get the stick out kids and have a beer bong! 

 Thankfully Cory has already invited her two friends Steph (musician/vocalist/actress Daiane Azura of Big Trouble, Dead Ink, O' Bloody Night, Nemesis 5: The New Model,2 Die For and Stirring) and Becky (Vida Ghaffari of Holy Terror, Scorpion Girl, Suspense, and Horndogs Beach Party) so they are bound to bring more friends over.  Took me a few to recognize the gardner/Horndog himself, Troy Fromin.  Ox from Saved by the Bell!!!    Like I said, it took me a few.

Dawna as Brigitte was killing me.  A party on my beach with your drinking, your drugs and your fornications!  She's got a knack for comedy.   Still convinced the Brad and Tad duo are sexually repressed to levels that will only end in a very confused, homoerotic shoot out with the cops.
Stacey and Dusty's party supply montage is a great gag and shows them bonding a bit better.


With some handheld, tripod mounted and even some drone work similar to Amityville and Nemesis 5, you get the Dustin signature look in a new genre giving it a breath of fresh air.  Yes the rom com series of flicks have been annoying at best and filled with tropes.   It is nice to see some older themes getting used which I haven't seen since late 80s.  The movie feels like a nice throwback to Meatballs, The Beach Girls and even a bit of Caddyshack but still its own entity.

I had fun with this like I knew I would. Solid casting, decent pace for the film.  Nice to see Dustin cover more genres and I can't wait to see more of this. 

And for you sexist piggies,  Daiane Azura looks amazing in a bikini.   There, I lowered myself to pigdom.  Again. 

Oh my...

The Fast and the Furious

Hey folks. Well the week has been tragic as I will be attending the funeral of my little brother in a few days. He leaves behind 4 kids that will have a hard struggle to move on but I will do what I can to assist that. Today I thought we would look at one of his favorite movies. So get ready for far too much vehicular terminology, over the top action, hot guys and girls.

This is The Fast and the Furious.

'Sup playa?

LAPD officer Brian O'Connor (the late Paul Walker of Timeline, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Noel, Into the Blue, Running Scared, Flags of our Fathers, Bobby Z and Fast & Furious) is undercover to conduct investigations of potential illegal street racers are responsible for boosting semi trucks of their cargo. Like pirates of the highway. A little over 1.2 million dollars in stolen electronics has been boosted. Guess the manifests on these cargo containers didn't include SERIAL NUMBERS!!!

Okay that SNAFU writing aside, Brian is undercover racing himself, hooks up with a crew led by Dominic Toretto (Vin Disel of Boiler Room,Pitch Black, Knockaround Guys, XXX, The Chronicles of Riddick, Riddick, Guardians of the Galaxy, The Last Witchhunter and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2), a gear head with a heart of gold looking out for his baby sister Mia (Jordana Brewster of The Faculty, As the World Turns, D.E.B.S., The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, American Heist and Dallas), his sorta girl Letty (Michelle Rodriguez of Resident Evil, Blue Crush, S.W.A.T., BloodRayne, The Breed, Avatar, Machete, Resident Evil: Retribution and The Assignment), mechanic guru Jesse (Chad Lindberg of The Rookie, The Last Samurai, Adam and Ever, Punk Love, Crimes of the Past, I Spit on Your Grave and Rise of the Zombies) and gruff Vince (Matt Schulze of Blade II, The Transporter, Seven Mummies, Final Move, Mr. Brooks, The Flock and Fast Five).

Crap. Did I turn the oven off?

Thick as thieves this lot is as Brian worms his way into their albeit odd family, trying to dig dirt on the other racers in the hopes that his suspicions aren't valid. I will always get the biggest kick out of Brian's commanding officer, Sgt. Tanner (Ted Levine of Silence of the Lambs, Nowhere to Run, Detonator, The Mangler, Mad City, Superman the Animated Series, Monk, Wild Wild West, Evolution and Justice League).   I remember watching this with my brother not trying to riff the film and scream about lotion in the basket. That took some work, let me tell you.

As these sort of story lines go, naturally Brian starts to fall for Mia and the two become close. Dominic isn't thrilled about this at all. He and Brian meet eye-to-eye on this and the issue has been shelved for later. Vince who has had a thing for Mia since they were kids takes it pretty piss poor and jumps Brian.

The two hash it out and Vince is still honked off about the whole chain of events. And hey rap fans! Ja Rule is in this. Yeah I sense no one giving a crap.

Will Brian be able to do his job without compromising his feelings for Mia? Can the cops ever figure out how these thefts are really happening? Will the FBI pay Brian to learn to surf? Whoa.

Okay final thoughts, this is part heist movie and part gear head racer flick. It operates at a good solid pace, the characters are fleshed out so nothing feels like window dressing.

Bottom line is while I have seen this same formula to death (Hence the Point Break reference), it does not diminish the performances that actually come out well.

And while I was never a huge Paul Walker fan, he did touch quite a few souls and was a decent man.

Okay I will be flying out in a while, if you have any thoughts on films I should be looking over, toss me a message on the blog, Facebook page and Twitter.

Rest in Peace, Tristan. I still cannot believe you're gone.