House of Pain

Hello my vivacious readers! I have returned! The Brazilian bombshell singer/musician/actress Daiane Azura (Big Trouble, Hate, Home Videos, Nemesis 5: The New Model, 2 Die For, Horndogs Beach Party and Conjuring Curse) pointed out some films of hers on TubiTv so I decided to take a peek, low and behold a Dustin Ferguson (Camp Blood 4, Camp Blood 5, The Amityville Legacy, Nemesis 5:The New Model, 2 Die Fore, Robowoman and Moon of the Blood Beast) flick and penned by writer Mike Reeb (Nemesis 5: The New Model, Horndogs Beach Party, Conjuring Curse and Robowoman). This is House of Pain.

Stevie Nicks' Cult of Satan.

 

Under a moon shrouded in clouds, SoCal Cinema Studios opens our film with a young black couple terrified out of their minds and a slow-paced stalker brandishing an axe, wearing what I thought was a bondage mask (I've lead a sheltered life) but I'm pretty sure it's more luchador. As Michelle (actress/dancer/stuntperson Carrie Bernans of Single Ladies, The Rich & the Ruthless, Lawd Have Mercy, Black Panther, Cage, SEAL Team, and Ballers)and Randy (actor/director/writer Phillip Trickey of House of Pain, Clown Motel Massacre and Axemas 2: Blood Slay) pleas for mercy and logic, it's a good bet this crew doesn't operate on either...at all.

The killer quartet draw and quarter these victims in order to adhere to a pact made long ago. Almost sounds like that won't be the last people butchered in their homes, right?

With our credits intro we get a bit of industrial tunes again courtesy of Velvet Acid Christ a tride and true of the Ferguson alumni for awesome soundtracks. Man, wish I had a flick for them to do a soundtrack to. Moving on we see a pleasant suburban area of Southern California and a somber musical intro. A couple drives up to this warm and inviting house with a lovely Daiane waiting to greet them. Quick question, do SoCal homes come automatically with a gorgeous girl waiting at the doorstep, because I may want to move back to Cali.

Today on American Pickers...

Worry not Ferguson fans, we can expect a few of the regulars to make their way into the picture. Our couple Miguel (Mark Popejoy of Die Sister, Die!, Gloved Murderess, Poet, Flat Waters Terror Volume 1 and Amityville Legacy and Camilla (the lovely Dawna Lee Heising of Blade Runner, Kung Fu: The Movie, Forbidden Warrior, Waiting for Dracula, Legend of the Red Reaper, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance, Meathook Massacre II and Garden Party Massacre) and their two boys Marco (Edwin Garcia of Nemesis 5: The New Model, Stuck, A Taset of Phobia, House of Pain, Level Up, and 5G Zombies) and Javier are moving to this area and the boys are a bit annoyed leaving the city but for the sake of the folks and probably avoiding screaming matches, they're gonna give it a shot.

What's that, boys? An creepy clock on the mantle piece? Well you're not in a cabin in the woods, so I wouldn't worry about it. It's not like creepy and supernatural things occur in the suburbs. Well there was Poltergeist. Meh, probably just a fluke. Well the moving truck hasn't arrived and I guess the family may have to rough it for a few days.

At the swap meet, Camilla and Marco bump into...Sue Price(Nemesis 2: Nebula, Nemesis 3: Time Lapse, Nemesis 4: Death Angel, Nemesis 5: The New Model, House of Pain and Robowoman) and Brinke Stevens (The Slumber Party Massacre, Nightmare Sisters, Warlords, Munchie, Cheerleader Massacre, Die Sister, Die!, 666: Teen Warlock and Horndogs Beach Party)?

The mother and son duo are warned by Jose (Ken May of Welcome to Grindhaus!, Travisty, Grindsploitation 666, Tales from the Grave, Meathook Massacre 4, Robowoman and It Wants Blood!) in a vague exposition like way, that neighborhood they just moved into is dangerous. Tend to your produce, pally and leave the creepy old man warnings of blood to Crazy Ralph.

Ms. Stevens, I'm out of peaches. Please, don't beat me.

Miguel gets ambushed with a greeting by Dan (Robert Lankford of Meathook Massacre, Meathook Massacre II, Meathook Massacre 3: First Hunt, Nemesis 5: The New Model, Conjuring Curse, Meathook Massacre 4 and Meathook Massacre: The Final Chapter) who give warm invites and vague commentary on the house and the neighborhood. Ordinarily I don't lose my crap over a guy with some sick ink but dude kind of towers over you, you freak out.

Daiane comes over for dinner and I would point out this seems like the smallest gathering of family. Keep in mind, I have a lot of extended family and know many of varied Catholic households so perhaps it's everyone else is still in Phoenix. Normally you hit one of these houses and it's 25 to 50 people and you almost always hear, "A few of us had to work today."

Could the bad vibe you are feeling the work of the minions of the fallen angel? Most vile. That Lucy...fer guy. Yeah me and John Constantine live dangerously.

With the quick cut edits and camera work I am reminded of The Strangers and a hint of Robert Fuest's The Devil's Rain but with a more eerie industrial music and some nice handheld and tripod shots. 

Ferguson gives a nice lull period allowing everything to be nice and collective and then gets right into the terror factor. This neighborhood seems to almost be self-governing so no idea if local PD is even an option. Maybe the State Troopers? With a fantastic cast, solid script and patented directing, the mysterious story unfolds at its own pace and I for one can appreciate that.

Again another low budget indie that had plenty of creepy moments and clearly the cast had some fun. 

Time to beat up them weird furries up the block, baby.

Horndogs Beach Party

Hey hey gentle readers!  I'm back.   Long week and a half visiting my folks after the passing of my little brother and got drafted for a writing gig.   Not that I could have objected to this fella, considering my reviews and his flicks go pretty hand-in-hand; as I am referring to former Lincoln Nebraska resident horror/sci-fi guru, Dustin Ferguson (Gloved Murderess, Demon Dolls, Cheerleader Camp: To the Death, Invitation to Die, Nemesis 5: The New Model and Amityville: Evil Never Dies).  And who am I to refuse a fellow former Nebraskan/newcomer Californian?   Our type sticks together. 

 So this time around, something different added to his growing pantheon of material as this film looks to be a bit of a screwball comedy.   Will it surpass Meatballs?   Let's find out.  This is Horndogs Beach Party.

You smell Astroglide and baby man tears?

Now, admittedly the title gave me a completely different picture and the X rated jokes are being suppressed.  I mean, c'mon.  At least watch the film before you cast doubt, people.

With a quick TV intro blurb about the impending party of fun in the sun and a wet T-shirt contest, we can expect some shenanigans of alcohol, some jiggly girls and blatant debauchery.   Y'know, good times! 
A nod to our voice over as our director as we cut right into a theme of 50s style beach music and away we go.   Crafted by the hands of Mike Reeb (Nemesis 5: The New Model, Horndogs Beach Party and Robowoman)we check in on our less than dynamic duo protagonists scoring a decent rental for their getaway. 

Stacey (David Thomas Newman of Roxanne, Rebar, Hazing and Troma presents: Mulligan's Monsters) and Loren (Jared K. Admave of Happy Face, Relationship Status and Horndogs Beach Party) have landed from a horrific red eye flight and are gearing to Par Tay!!

Meanwhile a mishap or classic miscommunication leads the fellas to some different company in the forms of Dusty (Shudan Wang of Spring, Picture Society, Scorpion Girl, Poppies, With You and No Home for Young Man) and Cory (Neveen Woods of Busted, Kythera and Horndogs Beach Party) are stuck sharing this rental with boys??  Icky!  Pubes on the soap, the cap of the toothpaste will be left off and of course the collective of beer and pizza farts.

Dude, the writer was right. I do have beer and pizza farts.

Did get a good laugh that Aunt Brinke is Scream Queen legend, Brinke Stevens (The Slumber Party Massacre, Nightmare Sisters, Warlords, Chinatown Connection, Witchhouse 3: Demon Fire, Die Sister, Die! and The Hot Tub Massacre) who tells the girls that they have to make the best of the situation.  Apparently she broke a gardner too.  Nimble little minx.

Tad (Peter Stickles of Finding Forrester, Cemetery Gates, 2 Minutes Later, Watch Out, Skinned Alive, Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong and Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver) and buddy Brad are clearly meathead bros.  Yeah those bros that chug beer like it is water and somehow "get laid" in spite of their lack of personality, wit, charm or in general douche behavior.  Pissed that Stacey and Loren got the "hot chicks" are determined to ruin their party by all means necessary.   Of course my brain went right to pig's blood and severed heads on the lawn but again, that's me.

Nosy neighbor Brigitte (Dawna Lee Heising of Bladerunner, Forbidden Warrior, Mistaken Identity, Legend of the Red Reaper, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance, Meathook Massacre II and Lake of Shadows) is slowly spinning into a tizzy.  Full blown tizzy alert!  You have been warned.  How dare those twenty somethings have a party?!   It's almost like...they're twenty somethings on vacation and having fun.  The horror.  The horror.   You'd think she would have learned from Amityville: Evil Never Dies that being a nosy neighbor can be problematic but I digress. 

How much for the Super Mario Bros/ Duck Hunt?

Brigitte bound and determined to catch the kids pulling hi-jinks (Dear God I sound old) so she plans to invade the party and get the proof she needs for the co-op board association and tattle all the way. 
Love that both Dusty and Loren's friends have to practically drag them to and fro just to go have fun.  Get the stick out kids and have a beer bong! 

 Thankfully Cory has already invited her two friends Steph (musician/vocalist/actress Daiane Azura of Big Trouble, Dead Ink, O' Bloody Night, Nemesis 5: The New Model,2 Die For and Stirring) and Becky (Vida Ghaffari of Holy Terror, Scorpion Girl, Suspense, and Horndogs Beach Party) so they are bound to bring more friends over.  Took me a few to recognize the gardner/Horndog himself, Troy Fromin.  Ox from Saved by the Bell!!!    Like I said, it took me a few.

Dawna as Brigitte was killing me.  A party on my beach with your drinking, your drugs and your fornications!  She's got a knack for comedy.   Still convinced the Brad and Tad duo are sexually repressed to levels that will only end in a very confused, homoerotic shoot out with the cops.
Stacey and Dusty's party supply montage is a great gag and shows them bonding a bit better.


With some handheld, tripod mounted and even some drone work similar to Amityville and Nemesis 5, you get the Dustin signature look in a new genre giving it a breath of fresh air.  Yes the rom com series of flicks have been annoying at best and filled with tropes.   It is nice to see some older themes getting used which I haven't seen since late 80s.  The movie feels like a nice throwback to Meatballs, The Beach Girls and even a bit of Caddyshack but still its own entity.

I had fun with this like I knew I would. Solid casting, decent pace for the film.  Nice to see Dustin cover more genres and I can't wait to see more of this. 

And for you sexist piggies,  Daiane Azura looks amazing in a bikini.   There, I lowered myself to pigdom.  Again. 

Oh my...