Rattlers 2

 Hello there Readers of the Rotten! So I received a few films courtesy of The Williamson Management Company, it was at the request of an old friend that I could give a review. Well considering I thought I was only getting a screener, I think I can get started on this.

So a sequel to a TV movie in 1976, thus putting 45 years since the previous outbreak; who could have seen a return of a creature feature? Why, the director/producer Dustin Ferguson (Camp Blood 4, Camp Blood 5, Nemesis 5: The New Model, Runaway Nightmare, Meathook Massacre II, Horndogs Beach Party, House of Pain, Aliens in LA, Axegrinder 2 and Tales for the Campfire 3) is bold enough to try. This is Rattlers 2. 

 

I just wanted a bath!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Giving you a bit of continuity; in 1976 deep in the Mohave Desert, a town was infested by a plethora of rattlesnakes due to an experimental nerve gas that the government cancelled for use. It was buried into an abandoned mine that the snakes just happened to been dwelling in and they went mad, attacking people left and right. A cover-up, a military tribunal and a lunatic major was the order of the day, along with bell bottoms, dated dialogue, a misogynistic herpetologist (study of reptiles) and a very angry feminist photographer. 

 

Killer snakes? This is what you bother me with?

 

 

 

 

 

Penned by Josh Price (After Hours Cinema, Rattlers 2 and Lone Star Horrors) and Lee Turner (Shadowmarsh and Rattlers 2) tells the tale of 45 years later, a small town in California has been having a rash of snake attacks. Our film opens with a series of establishing shots that says... yes this is Southern California, possibly the Mohave. Some wonderful drone shots on the very rattlers in question. Enter our hapless photographer on a quest to be first one attacked. Taking snaps of rattlesnakes and getting closer and closer to them. Yup can't foresee anything bad happening there.

From the title card, it really feels like a throwback to the 1970s TV creature feature era, which I love.

The Sheriff's station is going to get more than a few concerned citizens calling in, but I don't think he'll have enough deputies at hand for this potential crisis. Sheriff Wilson (D.T. Carney of Cold Blood Canyon, Forbidden Border, Transmorphers: Fall of Man, John Dies at the End, Garlic & Gunpowder, Moon of the Blood Beast and Tales for the Campfire 3) has got his work cut out for him. With a minor amount of exposition and flashback footage of the original film, Josh Price and Lee Turner manage to connect the two films without it feeling like it was forced down your throat.

It feels like a natural progression and catches folks up to speed.

 

SNAKE HICKEY!!!

 

 

 

 

 

With all the blasting around the rattlers and given their mutations from the first film, 4 decades could easily create new hybrids ready to reek havoc on the town. Commissioner Lewis isn't going to close the beaches..er wait. No, sorry that's Jaws. My bad. The tearing up and rebuild will bring revenue to the town and this talk of roves of killer snakes is poppycock. Dare we even say balderdash?

We do have more than a few familiar Ferguson faces attached to our feature. The original Scream Queen herself, Brinke Stevens, amazing character actor Mel Novak, the wonderful Dawna Lee Heising, the very comedic Shawn C. Phillips, the tattooed beauty horror actress Julie Anne Prescott and Malvolia: The Queen of Screams herself Jenn Nangle. I really enjoyed Mercedes Peterson's performance as Dr. Kaye and cannot wait to see what she does next.

You'll have to bear with me as I had only seen the original twice in my life. Once when I was all of 5, and later about 42 when Cinematic Titanic was teasing and riffing their way through it.

Naturally I feel the name of  Professor McCauley is a nod to writer/director John McCauley (Rattlers and Deadly Intruder) and the film truly feels like an homage to the original.  This was clearly a labor of love and well executed. It's almost reminiscent of Richard Franklin tackling Psycho II to Hitchcock's original, in the sense a fan made film did as well; if not better than the previous movie. Once again, Dustin knocks another one out of the ball park. 

 

Damn snakes even attacked my paperwork!

 

House of Pain

Hello my vivacious readers! I have returned! The Brazilian bombshell singer/musician/actress Daiane Azura (Big Trouble, Hate, Home Videos, Nemesis 5: The New Model, 2 Die For, Horndogs Beach Party and Conjuring Curse) pointed out some films of hers on TubiTv so I decided to take a peek, low and behold a Dustin Ferguson (Camp Blood 4, Camp Blood 5, The Amityville Legacy, Nemesis 5:The New Model, 2 Die Fore, Robowoman and Moon of the Blood Beast) flick and penned by writer Mike Reeb (Nemesis 5: The New Model, Horndogs Beach Party, Conjuring Curse and Robowoman). This is House of Pain.

Stevie Nicks' Cult of Satan.

 

Under a moon shrouded in clouds, SoCal Cinema Studios opens our film with a young black couple terrified out of their minds and a slow-paced stalker brandishing an axe, wearing what I thought was a bondage mask (I've lead a sheltered life) but I'm pretty sure it's more luchador. As Michelle (actress/dancer/stuntperson Carrie Bernans of Single Ladies, The Rich & the Ruthless, Lawd Have Mercy, Black Panther, Cage, SEAL Team, and Ballers)and Randy (actor/director/writer Phillip Trickey of House of Pain, Clown Motel Massacre and Axemas 2: Blood Slay) pleas for mercy and logic, it's a good bet this crew doesn't operate on either...at all.

The killer quartet draw and quarter these victims in order to adhere to a pact made long ago. Almost sounds like that won't be the last people butchered in their homes, right?

With our credits intro we get a bit of industrial tunes again courtesy of Velvet Acid Christ a tride and true of the Ferguson alumni for awesome soundtracks. Man, wish I had a flick for them to do a soundtrack to. Moving on we see a pleasant suburban area of Southern California and a somber musical intro. A couple drives up to this warm and inviting house with a lovely Daiane waiting to greet them. Quick question, do SoCal homes come automatically with a gorgeous girl waiting at the doorstep, because I may want to move back to Cali.

Today on American Pickers...

Worry not Ferguson fans, we can expect a few of the regulars to make their way into the picture. Our couple Miguel (Mark Popejoy of Die Sister, Die!, Gloved Murderess, Poet, Flat Waters Terror Volume 1 and Amityville Legacy and Camilla (the lovely Dawna Lee Heising of Blade Runner, Kung Fu: The Movie, Forbidden Warrior, Waiting for Dracula, Legend of the Red Reaper, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance, Meathook Massacre II and Garden Party Massacre) and their two boys Marco (Edwin Garcia of Nemesis 5: The New Model, Stuck, A Taset of Phobia, House of Pain, Level Up, and 5G Zombies) and Javier are moving to this area and the boys are a bit annoyed leaving the city but for the sake of the folks and probably avoiding screaming matches, they're gonna give it a shot.

What's that, boys? An creepy clock on the mantle piece? Well you're not in a cabin in the woods, so I wouldn't worry about it. It's not like creepy and supernatural things occur in the suburbs. Well there was Poltergeist. Meh, probably just a fluke. Well the moving truck hasn't arrived and I guess the family may have to rough it for a few days.

At the swap meet, Camilla and Marco bump into...Sue Price(Nemesis 2: Nebula, Nemesis 3: Time Lapse, Nemesis 4: Death Angel, Nemesis 5: The New Model, House of Pain and Robowoman) and Brinke Stevens (The Slumber Party Massacre, Nightmare Sisters, Warlords, Munchie, Cheerleader Massacre, Die Sister, Die!, 666: Teen Warlock and Horndogs Beach Party)?

The mother and son duo are warned by Jose (Ken May of Welcome to Grindhaus!, Travisty, Grindsploitation 666, Tales from the Grave, Meathook Massacre 4, Robowoman and It Wants Blood!) in a vague exposition like way, that neighborhood they just moved into is dangerous. Tend to your produce, pally and leave the creepy old man warnings of blood to Crazy Ralph.

Ms. Stevens, I'm out of peaches. Please, don't beat me.

Miguel gets ambushed with a greeting by Dan (Robert Lankford of Meathook Massacre, Meathook Massacre II, Meathook Massacre 3: First Hunt, Nemesis 5: The New Model, Conjuring Curse, Meathook Massacre 4 and Meathook Massacre: The Final Chapter) who give warm invites and vague commentary on the house and the neighborhood. Ordinarily I don't lose my crap over a guy with some sick ink but dude kind of towers over you, you freak out.

Daiane comes over for dinner and I would point out this seems like the smallest gathering of family. Keep in mind, I have a lot of extended family and know many of varied Catholic households so perhaps it's everyone else is still in Phoenix. Normally you hit one of these houses and it's 25 to 50 people and you almost always hear, "A few of us had to work today."

Could the bad vibe you are feeling the work of the minions of the fallen angel? Most vile. That Lucy...fer guy. Yeah me and John Constantine live dangerously.

With the quick cut edits and camera work I am reminded of The Strangers and a hint of Robert Fuest's The Devil's Rain but with a more eerie industrial music and some nice handheld and tripod shots. 

Ferguson gives a nice lull period allowing everything to be nice and collective and then gets right into the terror factor. This neighborhood seems to almost be self-governing so no idea if local PD is even an option. Maybe the State Troopers? With a fantastic cast, solid script and patented directing, the mysterious story unfolds at its own pace and I for one can appreciate that.

Again another low budget indie that had plenty of creepy moments and clearly the cast had some fun. 

Time to beat up them weird furries up the block, baby.

Finding Purpose

And we are back. Hello ladies and gentlemen. I was going to follow up Ninja Death with its sequel when the lovely and talented Dawna Lee Heising (Blade Runner, Kung Fu: The Movie, Big Trouble in Little China, Forbidden Warrior, Waiting for Dracula, Legend of the Red Reaper, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance, Meathook Massacre II and Nemesis 5: The New Model) made request of me directly to take a look at today's cinematic, and who am I to refuse a lady her humble request? A compelling story of brotherly love, a fight of what is the law and what is morally right. Being helmed by writer/director John Reign (Bullets for Jesus, Snuff: Diary of a Serial Killer, Exorcism of the 7^th Demon, Blood Woods and Brokedown) it looks like it should be a bit heart wrenching. This is Finding Purpose.

Um, pack of cigarettes?

With an all too familiar tale of a soldier that has fought for his country with distinction, Sergeant John Kayhill (John Reign of Bullets for Jesus, Destitute, Snuff: Diary of a Serial Killer, Brokedown, Finding Purpose and On the Arm) fought in the Bosian War and saved his men out of a serious slug throw fest that was that ambush.

25 years later, he is reduced to living in a trailer with no job prospects, the power and water being shut off and caring for his mentally handicapped brother, Rodney (cinematographer/actor Thomas Stoops of Wormwood's End, Blood Woods, Brokedown and Finding Purpose). Naturally Social Services had a field day with this, gathered the cops and took Rodney away from John due to unfit environment. Rodney is scared and the change in his life will have devastating effects for years to come. Furthermore, John is deemed less than savory to be around his brother at all and loses rights to visit him. Yeah folks, rock bottom is sinking in.

This a bug hunt, man. Game Over!

Not leaving a brother in the lurch, John's old army buddies decide they would help John and concoct a jail break for Rodney. Cue The Great Escape theme! Loaded with some getaway cash and a ride, the brothers are on their way to wherever the road takes theme.

A quick stop off at a strip club (no folk, no zombies.) and John reconnects with the lovely Skye (Dawna Lee Heising) and they see each other with seasoned but kind eyes. A shcmuck with a fat wallet, attitude and frankly in need of a serious ass whipping grabs young dancer Anna (April Love of Creed II, Finding Purpose and Volition). John's having none of this and well you know the fight is on. With the law not taking kind for this sort of action, April joins John and Rodney on the road.

The comaraderie is there and sometimes misery is beaten back by having company. A journey of the soul and simple dreams to be met. A mixture of the family you come from to the family you make.

Keep in mind, we have all the elements of a thriller/action drama with a thirty something ex-Special Forces badass and all the pithy one liners to be had. Instead with we have a down on his luck guy in his fifties that has integrity and duty. Honestly I appreciate this fresher look to it rather than a drag out action exploitation film without any real meaning and a huge body count.

So many taboo subjects that cause polite society to turn a deaf ear to. Mentally handicapped, to impoverished to near homeless veterans to the mere cruelty that is life. Imagine all these woes that John could have walked away from but his heart, his soul and his very honor would not allow such.

This film is not demanding special treatment or being preachy about bad things happen to good people. What this story is telling the audience that life will throw some wicked curve balls and you have the choice to wallow in your own pity or rise up and meet the challenge. It is that courage to tell this story that really makes the film. Some damn good hand held work, excellent blocking and a very professional vibe on the indie budget.

Call me Boris one more time...I dare you.

 As many of you know, I have...endured some indie films that have looked like a failed high school student with a handy cam and a bottle of Thunderbird got it in his/her head to put a film out there. Not so here. Our director allows a peek into his very life as his late brother was mentally challenged and that love and pain translates from the page to the screen. An authentic glimpse to the highs and lows of the family that must be strong. This was a tight cast and crew. A great cast, memorable moments and great performance. So impressive this film; that a sequel has been green lit and I think they will knock it out of the ball park.

Okay so who order the Moons over My Hammy?

Moon of the Blood Beast

And we are back folks. I hope you all enjoyed Yoga Hosers. Maybe some of you went out and grabbed a copy. Who can say. So today I have a film review request from a familiar favorite of the blog, writer/director/editor Dustin Ferguson (Terror at Black Tree Forest, The Legacy of Boggy Creek, Escape to Black Tree Forest, Black Tree Forest III, Doll Killer, Die Sister, Die, Occult Holocaust, Gloved Murderess, Cheerleader Camp: To the Death, Shockumentary, Nemesis 5: The New Model and Robowoman) of SoCal Studios and produced by A Troma Team Release, courtesy of Lloyd Kaufman. The title I have been given to view smacks a little of 70s exploitation creature feature and by God I can do that. This is Moon of the Blood Beast.

That is not finger food. Bad demon! Bad!

You might recall my last review of Dustin's work, Grindsploitation 8: Grindhouse Drive-In, the various faux commercials and trailers, well I dare say our fellow has been busy with this flick and let's get into it, shall we? The vibe I am getting off this is Legend of Boggy Creek POV monster that has haunted the small town for generations.

We open with eerie music, muffled whispers or prayers and depictions of Baphomet, Lucifer and Satannish on cards, books and other such imagery. Yes I have read my fair share of religions and dealt with the Tarot Card New Age hippies. Hippies, man. They creep me out.

In the small coastal town of Riverside there is a legend. A legend of darkness when the moon is blood red, weird happenings occur. A pretty hitchhiker (Alana Evans of Horndogs Beach Party, Moon of the Blood Beast and Los Angeles Shark Attack) doesn't know of these legends as she makes her way across country and it's the little things you know that gives you a higher survival rate. Our hitchhiker is a budding photographer when something captures her instead.  Dammit!  I really wanted to see her hoist a shotgun, get some Bruce Campbell one liners in.  Well, maybe next time.

That's not how you tan. Bad Alana! Bad!

 Little disturbed the local Daily News got such a graphic picture for front page. Kids are reading this, dammit. Well alright no they aren't. Probably one with their smart phones. Deputy Sheriff Frank (D.T. Carney of Bigfoot's Wild Weekend, April Apocalypse, Trespass Into Terror, Generation Y and Garlic & Gunpowder) hangs a heavy head as he goes through the newspaper.

Thankfully he has sunny and lovely dispatcher Noel Johnson (Vida Ghaffari of Holy Terror, Scorpion Girl, Suspense, and Horndogs Beach Party, Nation's Fire, Robowoman and Suspense) for some advice, friendly attitude and a good cup of Joe. Well the crime scene was no boating accident! Because it was in the desert... nowhere near water... or a boat. Anyway, moving along.

After dealing with the crime scene, Frank runs into Gabe Smith who tells the Sheriff that the beast has returned. Sporting a S&W .45, Gabe (Mike Ferguson of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., American Violence, Training Day, A Crooked Somebody, Outlaw Origins, Brobot and ZombieCON) seems more of a proactive Crazy Ralph. This cat won't be wasting time speaking of death curses and how everyone is doomed. I think he's gonna let his lead do the talking. Good on you, fella.

You do not yell at Vida. Bad Sheriff! Bad!

A local jogger is doing right by his ticker. That is until his cardio gets kicked into overdrive with some drone and good hand held coming at him. Hmm, might want to claim mountain lion attacks, Sheriff. Of course that means Wildlife and Game will be tromping around there and become monster bait.

Three stoners are waking and baking already stoked to be camping from the crime scene. THE ONE that is ILLEGAL to be near! Damn potheads. Partaking of the spliff, stoner #1 (Ken May of Welcome to the Grindhaus, Tales of the Grave, Meathook Massacre 4 and Robowoman) actually stops and thinks his mortality could be on the line given no one has caught this killer. Heeeey...

Every 10 years under the Harvest Moon, the beast roams the land looking for sacrifices only to return to its ancient slumber afterwards. Mind you we are getting this probably fourth hand Chinese Whispers style. This cat was any more baked, he'd be a lasagna.

Our POV creature is making the rounds and by all that is Holy he doesn't seem to dig photographers, health nuts and hippies. That's close to 45% of Southern California, brah. What is your damage? Sheriff will have to be taking the Mayor Vaughn shark defense and fending off those pesky questions like: "Is it safe to be out at any hour? What are you doing to catch this killer? "

With two girls stranded nearby, they're out of gas. Oh no, now they'll have to make out. Right? Sorry only used to the hetro male answer for the out of gas with a girl.  On the outskirts of town, it's only a 2 mile walk. Beth (Julie Anne Prescott of Doomsday County, Dead End, Burn Notice, Hell's Kitty, No Strings 2: Playtme in Hell, House of Blood, and Meathook Massacre 4) and Becky( FX guru Alexys Paonessa (Electric Dreams, Black Lightning, Lucifer, Meathook Massacre: The Final Chapter and Moon of the Blood Beast) debate on the walk versus waiting for a good Samaritan. Finally the call of nature can no longer be avoided and neither is the culling.

That's not how we poop! Bad Hippie! Bad!

Wouldn't be a Ferguson film without seeing the lovely Dawna Lee Heising make an appearance.

Her son Clifford (Dustin Wonch of Runaway Nightmare and Moon of the Blood Beast) may end up missing dinner.

I started laughing when I realized that sneaky man snuck in clips of Track of the Moon Beast. Yeah I know this film and no I did not have to review it. Many moons ago, MST3K riffed on it as Johnny Longbow told us all went into his stew in the most monotone voice I have heard. "Corn, chicken, rice.." Poor Dawna has to sit through this flick. That's a trooper. Because as we all know, lunar meteorites are the cause of lizard man mutations. Back to the film.

Body count's stacking up like cord wood in a slasher film, Sheriff. You getting off your keister and tending to this or do we call in Chuck Norris? In less than two days, the kill count has managed double digits. Get the beast, Gabe! You got this!

Is the town damned? Does anyone have a spine to end this curse? What would having a local demon legend do for the tourist economy?

Well once again, the proof is there in front of you. You give Dustin some wiggle room, creative reins and he will deliver.  With some great POV camera work, cut screen kills we have an urban legend ground plan laid out and some good performances.  It has a real Jaws vibe to it, a dash of Grizzly meets Pumpkinhead.  A modern day folklore that seems to be scoffed at but the sinister undertone is there.  It's almost as if the town is aware of this happens every ten years whether they will admit it out loud or not. Frankly their negligence to warn travellers and the townsfolk makes the movie a lot more disturbing.

Nice to see Dustin's streak is only getting better. And hats off to FX woman Alexys Paonessa (Electric Dreams, Black Lightning, Lucifer, Meathook Massacre: The Final Chapter and Moon of the Blood Beast) as our creature does look ghastly.

I think this is cool. Bad Jake! Bad!

After School Massacre

And I am back again. Hold your applause. So random fan requests seems to be the order of the day introducing me to Indie Horror director Jared Masters (Climb It, Tarzan, 8 Reels of Sewage, Hollywood a GoGo, Slink, Deadly Punkettes, Club Lingerie, Ballet of Blood and Amethyst). Not sure if this will be Cheerleader Camp gore/ T&A levels or if I am dwindling into Zombie Doom Andreas Schnaas territory. I have a brief stint of his filmography that IMDB has and you know how accurate they are. (Spoiler! They declared George Romero dead five times prior his actual death) So howzabout a slasher flick of a teacher gone crackers and stalking helpless girly girls in their panties? No? Too bad. This is After School Massacre.a.k.a. A Teacher's Day Massacre a.k.a. Blood School a.k.a. Teacher's Day

Jess, are your boobs real?

Ohhh, it has Alternative Titles so yeah I get it now. Cause I do that gag every so often throughout the years. We open with an exterior night shot and then into a slumber party? K. Well I don't see any cheerleaders thus far but they could be out of uniform. While the better chunk of this slumber party are bouncing on the beds and have a good old time, one girl Erica (Abby Summers of After School Massacre) calls her ex and gives a death declaration. Apparently he was a real douche, heart breaker and in dire need of being castrated. What a Debbie Downer, Erica! So a handful of pills and bathroom crash later, the party is kinda done.

Cut to a series of school notebook notes as our credits unfolding, what sounds like a Casio keyboard test beat and ADR of some of the girls channeling Valley Girl and...well it was actual clever for an intro.

Mr. Andersen (Bruce Kade of Angel of Death, Betrayal and After School Massacre) lays down the law and one rule most of all, no beanies. Yeah guess the kids can smoke crack or shoot heroin directly in an eyeball but absolutely NO HATS! Jess (Savannah Matlow of After School Massacre) wants her hat back and her friend Devon (Nikole Howell of Diary of a Black Widow, Slapped!, The Studio Club and American Poltergeist) wants to know why Mr Andersen is undressing her with his eyes but won't accept her friend request. OMG Mr. Andersen, what is your damage? Ugh, slay in my sleep if I write like this again. Yes these girls are that petty and arrogant, they are looking to get him fired. Instilling values, concepts and ideals is a wee bit challenging when their noses are buried in chats, tweets and texts.

Yeah baby I respect ya and crap. You do anal?

 

Even his co-worker Kara (Kelly De Vries of Camp Little Creek, After School Massacre and Deadly Punkettes) has similar problems and Teacher Day may be a holiday but plenty of papers to grade and students to scar for life. Dean Wheatley (Art Roberts of Parasites, Home Video, Good Twenty, The Book of Ten Years, Garden Party Massacre, Absolute Vow and The Big Noir) has heard the water cooler talk, knows the skinny and has to let Andersen go because of the impeding scandal he could cause...for telling one of his students her outfit was a bit short and she can attract creepers. I think I would have heard his argument better if the boom mic hadn't captured the hum of the fluorescent overhead lights. Seriously I wasn't even wearing my headphones and it is just vibrating so loudly.

The evening mail is murder!

From dedicated teacher to spree killer we fade to next scene and get a dose of exposition to Mr. Anderson's whereabouts. Of course the cops are flat out incompetent finding him. Think Angel City via Black Scorpion. Those bumbling jackasses. I'm kidding, mere hours have gone by, so I guess he hid the bodies and the same batch of girls are having another slumber party regardless of suicide girl Erica. So rude of her gacking herself during their party. Yup some real sweet kids.

Big sister to Jess, Dee Dee (Simone Wasserman of Waterfront Nightmare, Glimpse, Bliss and Cicada) managed to land her the alpha male jagoff. Yup wandering eye doesn't even cover it as he is constantly eye banging Jess and her "hot friends" and has serious issues eyeballing their mom. Dee Dee Darlin' super glue is cheap and effective. Seal all the holes God gave this moron. I got the biggest smile when Ms. Perkins was Dawna Lee Heising of Meathook Massacre II. Yeah I adore her.

The sum up vibe of this film feels like if you combined Mean Girls, House on Sorority Row and add a dash of Prom Night and you have your film.

Quick couple of side notes here. Aside from the lovely and talented Dawna Lee Heising and TV personality Mindy Robinson, I didn't know a blessed thing of the rest of the cast until I mildly recognized Officer Harris(Steve Crest) from John Dies at the End. So I looked up his filmography and notice a few choice films with a more...shall we say NC-17 standing. Here are just a few titles of his Adult filmography I felt were funny and PG enough for me to list on this blog.

Too Big for Teens 7

Office Perverts 7

Boffing the Babysitter 10

Latin Adultry 14

Naught Nanny 3

Big Breast Nurses 5

and

Busty Bartenders

The other ones that made me laugh, well they're really not up for print on a fairly kid friendly blog.

At the end of the day, no this is not a new formula as our killer enraged is moving into Vorhees' style of kills, the kids aren't really that sharp and gore is the order of the segments. I do wonder what was up with the synthesizer soundtrack that sounded like a gathering of 12 year old boys holding a farting contest and creating about 3 loops. Our kills are creative, the cast is all doing their job and there is a tad bit of over acting but it really works for the sub-genre of slasher film. Mild to next to no nudity. Brave move there, director. All in all, this is solid work, good technical and decent Indie horror. Let's get Jared some more work and money!!

Oh my, however will they pay for that pizza? Bow chicka chicka wew wew!!

Robowoman

Hiya boys and girls! I'm back and ready to blog. That fricking #34 Rotten Ramblin' On took far too much time editing. Will explain at a later date. Today, a director who you all by now if you have been reading this blog, contacted me for a write-up. Rather a regular on this blog, director/writer/editor Dustin Ferguson (Doll Killer, Die Sister, Die!, Gloved Murderess, Cheerleader Camp: To the Death, Invitation to Die and Nemesis 5: The New Model) asked if I wouldn't mind giving his flick the once over. Naturally, the answer is yes.  Penned by writer Mike Reeb (Nemesis 5, House of Pain, Horndog's Beach Party) gives off  the styling feeling almost like a hybrid of Ms. 45 and Robocop, I am completely down for this. This is Robowoman.

Petite and pistol packing!

With an opening shot of L.A.via some damn fine drone footage and treated some radio exposition of violent crimes, we follow the story of Vivica Stevens ( Dawna Lee Heising of Blade Runner, Kung Fu: The Movie, Forbidden Warrior, Waiting for Dracula, Legend of the Red Reaper, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance and Meathook Massacre II), hard at work for a temp agency and anyone that has worked temp can appreciate that grind, scowls from the regulars that you are a scab worker and so on.

Hounding her for a night on the town, a persistant co-worker Jonathan (Johnathan Nation of Flight World War II, Erotic Vampires of Beverly Hills, Circus Kane, Jurassic Galaxy and Runaway Nightmare) is pleading for a date; reluctantly Vivica lowers her shields and decides to give this goof a chance. I wasn't really feeling good vibrations of this cat, but hey I'm not female or gay, so what the hell do I know?

She's looking for Sarah Connor?

Still being sensible, Vivica calls her roommate Carlenee (Sue Price of Nemesis 2: Nebula, Nemesis 3: Time Lapse, Nemesis 4: Death Angel, Nemesis: The New Model and House of Pain) to give her the heads up that she will be out with Jonathan and a few of his buddies. Carlenee tells her to be careful and use good judgement. Sheesh, okay Mom. It's just Robby's (Gregory Blair of AbsurdTV Show, Horndogs Beach Party, Abaddon, Ugly Sweater Party, Lockdown, Garden Party Massacre and Wall of Flesh: A Vintage Comedy)birthday. What could go wrong?

The night goes for a turn for the worse as Jonathan and his "buddies" jump poor Vivica in a parking lot and proceed to...will "bad touch" do well enough for you folk? Yeah I know, I know rape revenge isn't my best subgenre to tackle but bear with me. Viciously attacked and left for dead, Vivica is barely hanging on, needing help badly. Carlenee tracks her to the park finding her in the mess that she is in, violated and hurt.

Isolated in a hospital, Vivica is touch and go, a Doctor Michaels (Mel Novak of Game of Death, Cat in the Cage, An Eye for an Eye, Future War, Vampire Assassin, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance, Check Point and Holy Terror) and his assistant Hannah (Vida Ghaffari of Near Death, Circus of Dread, The Mindy Project, Eye on Entertainment, Facebook Live with Ford & Vida, Horndogs Beach Party, Holy Terror, Suspense and Hybristophilla) offering Vivica a new arm, a means of rewiring her optic nerves and giving her life back. Maybe not as before but better than bed ridden and injured. Helloooo Nurse Hannah! Sorry, sucker for a pretty face.

Moving right along, the procedure is a bit delicate and not completely legal but it is the building blocks of cybernetics. Carlenee must decide for Vivica and save her friend. Undergoing surgery, she is outfitted with a visor to compensate for her eye damage and now a killer right hook. The punch. They didn't give her a hook for an arm. Emotionally, Vivica is trying to keep things together but not able to cry is turning her stomach. Perhaps some martial arts and self defense to ease the soul, mind and body?

Confronting her demons, Vivica tries to move on from that night and Carlenee is really being the awesome, supportive friend she needs but she cannot shake it away from her thoughts. She seems to be off center with all the odd series of murders happening in her neighborhood. I'd think about moving but that's me.

L.A. after 2 p.m.

In a nutshell ,we have a Sci-Fi look at modern hate crimes, rape and murder and how society doesn't seem to register it being horrific as it really is. This blend of a rape revenge/science fiction shows Dawna can really perform. To see her range of cold decisive to conflicted and emotional was a real treat. I couldn't get over how warm Sue Price was in her performance as well. Keep in mind, I have only seen Sue Price as a muscle bound warrior crossing space and time, so a nurturing role was a bit startling but welcome. My only complaint is we needed a villain worthy of David Hess (Last House on the Left, Hitch-Hike, House on the Edge of the Park and Swamp Thing) or Henry Silvia (The Manchurian Candidate, Above the Law and Dick Tracy).  Jonathan Nation just looks like a really nice guy. 

With returns of regulars in the Ferguson alumni is legendary Scream Queen Brinke Stevens (Private School, Sole Survivor, Fatal Games, Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, Cheerleader Massacre) actor/producer Mark Popejoy (Mark Popejoy of Die Sister, Die!, The Eyes of Isabelle, Gloved Murderess and Shivers Down Your Spine) and Clint Beaver (The Dummy 2, Tales for the Campfire 2, Meathook Massacre II, Worng Side of the Tracks, Nemesis 5: The New Model and Amityville: Evil Never Dies), it is easily understood that Ferguson is easy going, know what to expect from his cast and crew and they deliver in record time.

A quick and special shoutout at SFX creator, Joe Castro(Xenophobia, Terror Toons 4, 9 Ways to Hell and Night of the Demons 3). Responsible for Dawna's visor and cyberarm, she embodies looking like a badass and stunt coordinator Shaun Vetick (Blood Rites, Flyover Country, Flat Water Terrors Volume 1, Say Goodbye, Grace: A Detective Story and Robowoman) giving our cyborg some martial arts training and pointers. Kudos for Wilheim screams (Stock sound effect of a man screaming used in over 389 films and dozens upon dozens of TV shows) being used.

Long term view? This definitely screams out of a sequel. Hell maybe two. We'll just have to wait and see.

Candid pose?  Perhaps.

Horndogs Beach Party

Hey hey gentle readers!  I'm back.   Long week and a half visiting my folks after the passing of my little brother and got drafted for a writing gig.   Not that I could have objected to this fella, considering my reviews and his flicks go pretty hand-in-hand; as I am referring to former Lincoln Nebraska resident horror/sci-fi guru, Dustin Ferguson (Gloved Murderess, Demon Dolls, Cheerleader Camp: To the Death, Invitation to Die, Nemesis 5: The New Model and Amityville: Evil Never Dies).  And who am I to refuse a fellow former Nebraskan/newcomer Californian?   Our type sticks together. 

 So this time around, something different added to his growing pantheon of material as this film looks to be a bit of a screwball comedy.   Will it surpass Meatballs?   Let's find out.  This is Horndogs Beach Party.

You smell Astroglide and baby man tears?

Now, admittedly the title gave me a completely different picture and the X rated jokes are being suppressed.  I mean, c'mon.  At least watch the film before you cast doubt, people.

With a quick TV intro blurb about the impending party of fun in the sun and a wet T-shirt contest, we can expect some shenanigans of alcohol, some jiggly girls and blatant debauchery.   Y'know, good times! 
A nod to our voice over as our director as we cut right into a theme of 50s style beach music and away we go.   Crafted by the hands of Mike Reeb (Nemesis 5: The New Model, Horndogs Beach Party and Robowoman)we check in on our less than dynamic duo protagonists scoring a decent rental for their getaway. 

Stacey (David Thomas Newman of Roxanne, Rebar, Hazing and Troma presents: Mulligan's Monsters) and Loren (Jared K. Admave of Happy Face, Relationship Status and Horndogs Beach Party) have landed from a horrific red eye flight and are gearing to Par Tay!!

Meanwhile a mishap or classic miscommunication leads the fellas to some different company in the forms of Dusty (Shudan Wang of Spring, Picture Society, Scorpion Girl, Poppies, With You and No Home for Young Man) and Cory (Neveen Woods of Busted, Kythera and Horndogs Beach Party) are stuck sharing this rental with boys??  Icky!  Pubes on the soap, the cap of the toothpaste will be left off and of course the collective of beer and pizza farts.

Dude, the writer was right. I do have beer and pizza farts.

Did get a good laugh that Aunt Brinke is Scream Queen legend, Brinke Stevens (The Slumber Party Massacre, Nightmare Sisters, Warlords, Chinatown Connection, Witchhouse 3: Demon Fire, Die Sister, Die! and The Hot Tub Massacre) who tells the girls that they have to make the best of the situation.  Apparently she broke a gardner too.  Nimble little minx.

Tad (Peter Stickles of Finding Forrester, Cemetery Gates, 2 Minutes Later, Watch Out, Skinned Alive, Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong and Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver) and buddy Brad are clearly meathead bros.  Yeah those bros that chug beer like it is water and somehow "get laid" in spite of their lack of personality, wit, charm or in general douche behavior.  Pissed that Stacey and Loren got the "hot chicks" are determined to ruin their party by all means necessary.   Of course my brain went right to pig's blood and severed heads on the lawn but again, that's me.

Nosy neighbor Brigitte (Dawna Lee Heising of Bladerunner, Forbidden Warrior, Mistaken Identity, Legend of the Red Reaper, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance, Meathook Massacre II and Lake of Shadows) is slowly spinning into a tizzy.  Full blown tizzy alert!  You have been warned.  How dare those twenty somethings have a party?!   It's almost like...they're twenty somethings on vacation and having fun.  The horror.  The horror.   You'd think she would have learned from Amityville: Evil Never Dies that being a nosy neighbor can be problematic but I digress. 

How much for the Super Mario Bros/ Duck Hunt?

Brigitte bound and determined to catch the kids pulling hi-jinks (Dear God I sound old) so she plans to invade the party and get the proof she needs for the co-op board association and tattle all the way. 
Love that both Dusty and Loren's friends have to practically drag them to and fro just to go have fun.  Get the stick out kids and have a beer bong! 

 Thankfully Cory has already invited her two friends Steph (musician/vocalist/actress Daiane Azura of Big Trouble, Dead Ink, O' Bloody Night, Nemesis 5: The New Model,2 Die For and Stirring) and Becky (Vida Ghaffari of Holy Terror, Scorpion Girl, Suspense, and Horndogs Beach Party) so they are bound to bring more friends over.  Took me a few to recognize the gardner/Horndog himself, Troy Fromin.  Ox from Saved by the Bell!!!    Like I said, it took me a few.

Dawna as Brigitte was killing me.  A party on my beach with your drinking, your drugs and your fornications!  She's got a knack for comedy.   Still convinced the Brad and Tad duo are sexually repressed to levels that will only end in a very confused, homoerotic shoot out with the cops.
Stacey and Dusty's party supply montage is a great gag and shows them bonding a bit better.


With some handheld, tripod mounted and even some drone work similar to Amityville and Nemesis 5, you get the Dustin signature look in a new genre giving it a breath of fresh air.  Yes the rom com series of flicks have been annoying at best and filled with tropes.   It is nice to see some older themes getting used which I haven't seen since late 80s.  The movie feels like a nice throwback to Meatballs, The Beach Girls and even a bit of Caddyshack but still its own entity.

I had fun with this like I knew I would. Solid casting, decent pace for the film.  Nice to see Dustin cover more genres and I can't wait to see more of this. 

And for you sexist piggies,  Daiane Azura looks amazing in a bikini.   There, I lowered myself to pigdom.  Again. 

Oh my...