How do, good people? Hope the weekend
has been fun and you haven't all been bogged down with work. I got a
request from The Williamson Management that brought us Dead
Kansas and Syndicate Smasher and
I am hardly going to turn them away for providing some unique films
instead of the typical "A-List" rom coms or poorly paced
dramas I am supposed to put upon a pedestal. With a mixture of drama
and horror, today's movie appears to be an anthology, so let's give
this a whirl. This is An Hour to Kill.
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| Uh oh. He must have ordered a Shirley Temple. |
First
off, I enjoy literal titles. Always a boon in my book. In our
directing chair is Aaron K. Carter
who brought us zombie POV with Dead Kansas. A cocky young kid in a
pony tail and black suit, Frankie (Frankie Pozos of LA
143 and An Hour to Kill)
comes into a western themed bar with all smiles and to ask to see the
manager. The cat behind the bar looks like a punk from Return of the
Living Dead and Flock of Seagulls. Lot of piercings, tats and even a
colored faux hawk, Vince (Vince Kelvin of Alien Shadows,
An Hour to Kill and Sex, Drugs and Nasty Nell's).
Little bit of chit chat establishing Frankie wants to rent the bar
for a work event, and then 6 wiseguys walk into the bar, trailing one
with a silver suitcase.
Frankie
rambles on about his girlfriend, their issues and life in general,
when a big guy in a suit, Gio (Aaron Guerrero of Dead
Kansas and An Hour to Kill)
sneaks in the back of the kitchen and starting whacking wise guys
like he has a no bag hunting limit. Naturally Frankie has shut up
at this point because...well what do you really follow up with a
massacre in the back room. "Hey man, how was your grouping?
Oh, I see you managed one shot kills."
 |
| Zyklon B: Good for your pores. |
Veteran
Gio and rookie Frankie head out to meet with da boss after the hit
went sideways. Hey I know that guy! Mr. Kinski (Mel
Novak of Game of Death, Black Belt Jones, An Eye for an Eye, Samurai
Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance, Syndicate Smasher and Nemesis 5: The New
Model ) wants the escaped ass that wasn't blown away in the
deal to go. Kinski stresses loyalty above all things to Gio in that
still threatening matter that says, "Do this or I have you put
through an industrial tree shredder."
With time ticking by for the two men,
Frankie and Gio start swapping tales. Frankie opens up about some
confiscated items he found at an Army surplus store. Apparently
we've gone from mafia hitmen to an anthology of Naxiploitation or
possibly horror? This tale is called Valkyrie's Bunker.
1981, Five girls go into the woods for
wild pot....yeah yeah cue the deformed slasher with a potato sack,
hide made from human flesh or maybe some sports equipment. They
proceed to journey into a region that hasn't been explored in some
time. With a mixture of shorty shorts and short skirts, clearly
these girls have done substantial hiking before. Mind you, not
complaining about the view but bug bites are not going to feel nice
on their legs would be my guess.
Jenna (Amanda Rau of Nowhere
Girl, Living Among Us, Lost Fare, Odds Are and Legion of the Damned)
seems to be the sensible one. Aida (Jola Cora of Noc,
Pandemic, Lady of Lafayette, Uploaded, This is Ava and The Farm)
is dragging her feet or mall walkers if you prefer. Denise (Alexya
Garcia of Confessions of Isabella, Diverted Eden, An Hour to Kill and
The Strange) is like totally. Yeah I couldn't resist and
Heidi (Stephanie Strehlow of Devil's Domain, Crossroads,
Tosh.0, An Hour to Kill and Truth or Dare).
The girls find a gully with a
thoroughly tagged bunker and even come across an unopened canister of
Zyklon B (a cyanide based pesticide that was... most hydrogen
cyanide used for the gas chambers) and it's at this point my
narrow ass would be checking out and heading home. Oh wait, because
I am not made up of stupid and can find better ways to get weed.
 |
| Hmm...must avoid shooting whole wad joke. |
Potential Nazi serial slasher aside,
Gio and Frankie go for tacos and proceed to enjoy the hell out of it,
Gio points out that Frankie needs to be more professional and less
impulsive. Frankie doesn't seem to really be taking it all in so he
tells a raunchy story of a burrito contest gone horribly awry.
I think Frankie needs a hobby. Maybe
comic books or an RPG system.
Suffice to say this is one that has to
be seen to believed.
Tacos hit Frankie's system so Gio
distracts him with a tale. A tale of bowl, butchery and hogs. Hog
Hunters round out the end of the anthology with some good ole boys,
creeper pig farmers and a black fella I would have told to run away
like his butt was on fire. This time around we have a Slaughterhouse
meets The Big Lebowski vibe going. Conjure up what you will from
that.
Frankie and Gio get the call the boss
is in trouble and decide to spring into action.
Can the boys get back in time? Will
there be another story?
A few additional to the cast I
recognized was, the stripper DJ being the one and only Jeff Rector
of Black Scorpion, Revamped, Lost in the Woods and The Admired. And
yes I may have recognized from certain angles the stripper in
question as Veronica Ricci of Bloody Mary 3D, Snake Club:
Revenge of the Snake Women, Lizzie Borden's Revenge and Interstellar
Wars.
So what to take away from all of this?
Well it's odd, bizarre, graphic in spots and frankly some off the
wall writing. The performances are good, the camera work is pretty
impressive for a lot of handheld and overall it was nothing I
expected it to be. This gave off a vibe of a grindhouse vibe
without the cheesy faded film gag. Elements that aren't normally on
the menu made a decent blend. Almost feels like a combo platter of
George Romero meets Quentin Tarntino.
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| My Airsoft's sight is off. Cheap ass ABS plastic! |
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