Tales from Six Feet Under

Hey there, readers. Today I have been asked by rising director Nicholas Michael Jacobs (Night and Urban Fears) if I would be able to view his new Horror film. Naturally who am I to say no. I thoroughly enjoyed Night and Urban Fears was damn clever writing. Third time's the charm as the saying goes and let's see if that holds up. This is Tales from Six Feet Under.

Grandma Rotty?

Now let's keep in mind our movie is 45 minutes and would be considered by most viewers as a short film. That does not mean we are not in for a wild ride. In the story, we follow the bony skeletal figure known only as The Visitor. He is making his way through a moonlit and fairly creepy graveyard in search of poor unfortunate souls. (Cue The Little Mermaid song ASAP)

He stops to leave a flower on a grave and proceeds to cackle with a raspy and throaty sound that frankly made the hairs on my neck stand up as we gaze at the headstone of one Joe Roth (Brian Jacobs of Urban Fears and Tales from Six Feet Under) aged all of 17 years. Already the tone is dark, so let's dive deeper shall we? Our young lad has been instructed by Dad to go clean the basement and it had better be done before he gets home. Don't Go into the Basement fans are already screaming against that very idea. Noticing the vast amount of clutter, stored furniture, laundry piling up, various odds and ends I too was hard pressed to have an idea where to begin cleaning.

After a few minutes tidying and trying to get a lay of the land, Joe stumbles upon an Ouija board. Oh yeah that's never going to go wrong. Go ahead son, conjure up the forces of darkness. I'll wait.

Dad gives Joe a very vague but stern warning to not mess with the Ouija board so of course our rebellious teen is going to anyway. Parents! Listen, you want the little ones to not play dark and damned objects, give them a reason other than no. For the boys, tell them their penis will shrink. For the girls, their hair will fall out. Boom! Problem solved.

Joe decides to prank around with the board, asking those important questions of, "Is there anyone there?"and "Spirits, make yourself known.". One nitpick is the Ouija board is a current print. Should have hit a rummage sale for a battered old one. Like it was forgotten from the original owners of the house...who disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Okay, that's how I would have wrote it. So sue me.

A quick phone chat with his buddy, Joe finds out he can't possibly damn his soul without candlelight surrounding the witch board. Yes that is an old term for Ouija board. Sorry if I confused the younger readers yet again.

So naturally it is head long into the unknown and damn the consequences. So back to tampering with the dead, Joe realizes this game may just be more than he bargained for, as a creature made of silhouette and ominous glowing eyes (Gianna Jacobs of Night, Urban Fears and Tales from Six Feet Under) just manifests in front of him, the eerie incidental music kicks in and Joe knows this could be his last board game...ever.

My God...mildew.

Following the Visitor back in the graveyard, we are treated to a new tale of terror of one Sam Hooper. Not relation to Matt Hooper of Jaws. Yes I am a smart ass, what of it?

Sam, a young student simply wants to study for his big test without any distractions and quite frankly I don't think that is much to ask. A young med student is cracking open the books and is probably going to be there for a while. He may want to order a pizza, because he hasn't scheduled something pass making ramen noodles. Enough time elapses and he's done for the night.

Time for a slasher flick. Oh what luck, that's Urban Fears on. I always end up stuck with The Prowler or Mother's day. Our slasher delight is immediately interrupted for an emergency broadcast telling folks in the Riverside area to evacuate ASAP. What's the reason? Zombies? A scourge of vampires? Republicans demanding your vote? None of the above. It's a giant meteor being hurdled to that section of town. Well...didn't see that one coming. My guess was a gas leak or again, zombies. What a second, it was all just an elaborate video. Well, see if I trust the media any more. 

Bear in mind I am watching a screener but the Hooper storyline sound like Goblin is performing the soundtrack. Then a POV shoot which looks like his apartment got broken into, so yeah folks I am as confused as you are reading this. Sam has ideas but nothing coherently shot and edited yet. He hits on the idea of a slasher film but how do you make that unique and interesting instead of obscure but downright confusing. How? HOW??!!!

Much soul searching will be needed. Maybe a dummy or a dark force that warped a man into a mute antagonist? With a bit of improved shots, cut scenes and spatter effects, he will make a one man slasher movie as both the killer and the victim. Props for creativity but better make your slasher mute then. No catch phrasing ending up in Freddy territory or God help us, Killjoy.

This manual reads like...well a manual.

It's a bit meta but hell I liked it. Just not panning out with our young auteur.   He's close to what he wants but still wracking the brain figuring out what really is the horror he is trying to convey on film. Meanwhile an lunatic seems to be out and about stabbing victims and our boy gets a package...with a Charlie McCarthy ventriloquist dummy in it. BURN IT! Right now! Too many haunted, cursed and possessed dummy movies out there for you to not see the signs of bad things to come. Cleanse it with fire.

Moving on and yes for those keeping tally, this is anthology story going, we head to Jennifer Burton (Alexis Beacher of Night, Urban Fears and Tale from Six Feet Under). It's her birthday and so far it doesn't look like anyone is available to celebrate it with her. Yeah work, life, errands and raising kids can do that to you as you age gracefully or kicking and screaming. An unknown person wishes her a happy birthday thanks to social media blurting it out. Hey don't worry yet, hun. It didn't give up your age. Jennifer is cautious as this could be anyone creeping about. Anonymous gives off that vibe as many a girl can testify to, so she proceeds to ask who is messaging her. There is a lot of evasion and a slightly flirtatious nature to it.

Jennifer is starting to get creeped out and frankly it is at this point, I'm screaming, "Girl hit a mall, library, invite a friend or two over for shots. Something."

What I enjoyed the most is the handheld camera work, the POV creeper viewing and the tone being set by the music. Good mood and atmosphere established with some creative stories, combining old facets of horror story telling, with spins, twists and turns.

We could argue the spoiler factor of the cemetery showing us each a plot of these people but it gives enough of a nudge into our morbid curiosity to wonder what happened to these people, what was their final end and could it occurred at any time in their life?

We have a decent cast, clever tales and overall I was entertained. If this is what Jacobs can do with a meager budget, let's see if we can fund his next project and watch him go dark as possible. 

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