VFW

Hey there readers. Well I can honestly say today's film has been a long time coming. I have been looking forward to this since February. With its substantial cast, its almost Assault on Precinct 13 vibe and simplistic but decent story idea, this promises to be fun. With the conglomeration of Fangoria working in junction with Channel 83 Films, Voltage Pictures and Shudder brings about a collection of genre actors being bad ass war veterans versus a passel of drug addicted mutants bringing all the madness. This is VFW.

SHOTS!!!

Writer/producer/director Joe Begos (Almost Human, The Mind's Eye, Bliss and VFW) with co-writers Max Brallier (The Last Kids on Earth and VFW) and Matthew McArdle (VFW) our story opens with grainy appearance with hot neon and almost a 16 mm 70's exploitation feel with 80's known character actors. I'm always down for such, as it is my one of my favorite sub-genre.

The opioid of the masses is called Hype and there are more than enough addicts longing for their next fix. Seriously, this crap makes Meth look like Fruit Loops.

With a buy of 500k on the line, dealer Boz (Travis Hammer of The Last Ship, Westworld, Ray Donovan, Godles, Monsters of God and The Unsettling) has been hoarding Hype from the masses and chaos is in the streets. Guys, there's always tweak, coke and crack still. C'mon, go old school.

She should have skipped the pate'.

The bar is full and a celebration is on at VFW Post 2494.  Tending bar is our birthday boy Fred (Stephen Lang of Manhunter, Project X, Crime Story, Last Exit to Brooklyn, Tombstone, Shadow Conspiracy, Fire Down Below, Public Enemies, Avatar and Don't Breathe), former Vietnam vet hanging with his buddies: vets Reed (William Sadler of Die Hard 2: Die Harder, Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight, Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, The Shawshank Redemption, Hawaii Five-0, Z Nation, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., The Duel, Power and The Highwaymen), Clayton (Martin Kove of The Last House on the Left, Death Race 2000, Beyond Westworld, Bloodtide, The Karate Kid, Rambo: First Blood Part II, Cagney & Lacey, Firehawk, Wyatt Earp, Assault on Devil's Island, Black Scorpion Returns and Revamped).

Korean vet Abe (Fred Williamson of Hammer, The Inglorious Bastards, 1990: The Bronx Warriors, Warriors of the Wasteland, Cobra nero South Beach, From Dusk Till Dawn, Vegas Vampires, Zombie Apocalypse: Redemption and Dropping Evil) McCarthy (David Patrick Kelly of The Warriors, 48 Hrs., Commando, Twin Peaks, The Crow, Last Man Standing, Gossip Girl and Blue Bloods)booze hound Zabriski (NORM! George Wendt of Cheers, House, Fletch, Wild About Harry, Becker, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Saturday Night Live, Modern Men, Clipped, Wake Up America!, Eddie's and Bliss) and young Army Ranger sharpshooter returned home Mason (Tom Williamson of All Cheerleaders Die, Dark Nights, Collision, No Way to Live, Running Wild, NCIS, BSU: Black Student Union,The Fosters and Blue Bloods) as they all enjoy the night of stories told and drinks being thrown back.

Hmm, this girl might be a bit crazy like.

Punk kid Lizard (Sierra McCormick of Land of the Lost, Jack and Janet Save the Planet, A.N.T. Farm, Jessie, The Christmas Trap, All Good Things and VFW) pulls a snatch and grab on the Hypers, a gang of junkies and dealers for more than half a million dollars in junk. Desperate for a change and a place to hide out, she sneaks into the bar, putting everyone in danger.

Lizard tells them that seven different kinds of Hell are about to rain down on the VFW and they better get their crap together because it's going to hit and hit in biblical proportions.

Most of these Hypers are brain dead and ravenous for their next fix. Think Zach Synder's Dawn of the Dead mixed with a little Umberto Lenzi's Nightmare City, with zombies using firearms and melee weapons. That's what our fightin' boys are up against.  Lizard or "Liz" gives them the low down and the fellas gear up.

With limited rounds, improvised melee weapons and some good old fashioned know-how, our boys know the pucker factor is at a nine. A small army of crackheads is making their move and the boys are getting tired and running out of time. FYI, the exposition told us the cops aren't hitting the neighborhood and the options are running low.

Few observations, the synth score really feels John Carpenter worthy via Escape from New York, the gangers and hypers are amusingly all white so you're damn right I laughed at that.   Far too many films of this sub-genre hire latinos and blacks to fill the junkie/street punks and yes if you really need examples of that, just look at the Dirty Harry and Death Wish franchise and you'll be hip to that cliche'.

Martin Kove's son Jesse (Ballistica, First Day, Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan, As Night Comes,Steve the Intern and The Black Hole) has followed in his father's footsteps and got the acting bug for a solid ten years. Good on you, man. A decade of work in anything deserves some congrats.

With the slow pace story telling, making a build up for the second act and brother this is a bloody flick. Not the bloodiest I have seen but it is on par with From Dusk Till Dawn for solid gore effects brought by Chris A. Wilks (CIA: Comrade in America, Queen of the South, Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich, Satanic Panic and The Chosen) and Bob Trevino (Wild America, Open Range, The Alamo, Glory Road, Predators, Machete, The Expendables, The Good Guys and Burn Notice: The Fall of Sam Axe).

 For 92 minutes I have been entertained and I am glad to have this in my collection. An homage to the midnight grindhouse and sleazy horror of the 70s and 80s, a overall vibe that felt like a tribute to the masters of the sub-genre to the likes of Umberto Lenzi, John Carpenter, Jack Hill and throw in some Tobe Hooper for good measure, I was not disappointed. So for an easy story to follow about old age, the grind of life, honor and giving a damn; this one covers that pretty well.

Got any change?!

Doom Asylum

So back again with a fan request. Yeah (sigh) one of those. Look, I am very appreciative of fan feedback but some of these "films" are pretty painful to sit through. Maybe a nice Billy Wilder movie? Anyway, today's moving picture has a member of Sex and the City, a deformed slasher and a punk band that performs in an abandoned mental asylum. This is Doom Asylum a.k.a. House of Horror.

Grandma Rotty?!

Director Richard Friedman (Tales from the Darkside, Scared Stiff, Friday the 13^th: The Series, Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge, Baywatch Nights, Ground Zero, Halfway to Hell and Love Hurts) working with the script penned by Rick Marx (In Love, Nasty Girls, Sex Spa U.S.A., Maid in Manhattan, Bordello: House of the Rising Sun, Warrior Queen and Gor) so this could be a world of hurt. Of course the director that brought me a cinematic treasure like Darkwolf it...oh wait, I didn't care for that flick. Yup this is gonna hurt.

We open our movie with lawyer Mitch Hansen (Michael Rogen of Doom Asylum, Basket Case 2, Punch the Clock, Wings, Midnight Caller and Tribeca) and his bubbly fiancee Judy (Patty Mullen of Doom Asylum, The Equalizer and Frankenhooker) are cruisin' across the back roads for a 5 million lawsuit and naturally celebrating with champagne while driving. Rut Roh, this is moving into The BrainThat Wouldn't Die territory (FYI watch the MST3K version) and of course we have an accident.

Yeah Highway head. What could go wrong?

Before we go further, yes menfolk there's titty. I know, I know the mention of jiggly girls, nerds vs punks and a mangled serial killer just couldn't have possibly captivated your attention.

Well Mitch is up on the slab for his autopsy. I got to ask why would there even be a need for an autopsy? Booze will still be in his system, that's a quick tox screening and the car was smashed pretty good. Open and shut case, baby. Yes I know, suspend disbelief. 

With a face resembling beef jerky, Mitch has had a tough day, so adding incompetence of the morgue attendee and his intern should really make his afternoon all a flutter. Mitch awakes on the slab and it's good bye morgue docs. Five minutes in and we cut to title cards and opening credits. Lot of pan shots of the abandoned asylum of which a bulk of the film will be taking place in. I heard weird damn near orgasmic moans, cat yowls and manic laughter. The film font for our title looked like a WB cartoon from the 50s. Biggest gripe of this opening is the camera doesn't appear to be on a stabilizer, so we have unintentional shaky cam.

Throw us some beads!!!

10 years later (in the film, not how long it took me to finish this), a gaggle of kids are out and about for some boozing and screwing and babbling about urban legend killers. Say aren't these slasher tropes? Darnell (Harrison White of Se7en, Like a Woman Should, L.A. Noire, The Muppets, Replaced, Bones, Maron, Dads, Rizzoli & Isles and Venice the Series) and his Goof Troop (I mean friends. Yeah friends) Jane (Kirstin Davis of General Hospital, Nine Months, Melrose Place, Three Days, Sex and the City, Soccer Moms and Couples Retreat) Dennis (Kenny L. Price of Doom Asylum), Mike (William Hay of Doom Asylum) and Kiki (Patty Mullen playing a duo role, this time as her previous character's daughter). This outing reminds Kiki this around the area where her mother died in a car accident. WOOO HOOO!!! PARTY DOWN!!! Wtf?!

Kiki and Mike have a heart to heart and well her other friends...they're kind of dicks. "Yer mom's dead! Move on." "I'm hungry!" Yeah glad to be partying with these shitbirds.

There's a legend in these here woods. About a killer known only as Mitch! I mean The Coroner. That he does away with his victims with autopsy tools. Yup that's about it. I imagine you are disappointed with this legend as much as I. Seriously, no Jason Voorhees level back story of the tragic loss of Mitch's face and his dead fiancee. Nothing.

The asylum apparently has a theater stage. Was that for the nutty talent show every year? What sounds like a banshee with a tit caught in a Cuisinart is actually our half-assed punk band.

It becomes this mediocre squabble between the Goof Troop and the pseudo punkers. Seriously? Starting a punk band in 1989? Bit late for that movement, right? 20 minutes into the film we start thinning the cast of one dimensional characters and thank God for that. I don't normally just start trashing a movie due to low budget or having a bunch of kids that never acted and so on but wow this was awful. There is some comedy in this, some of the one-liners from Beef Jerky Krueger are decent enough but overall the lead punk's annoying cackle made me want to burn The Plasmatic albums I have.  Gore effects are fair, a smart move having one main set but unfeasible that no one would have fled from it on foot or in the car. The camera blocking was alright but I really felt a stabilizer would have improved several shots.

Are we meeting our skin quota?

This movie was shot in eight days in an actual abandoned nut house in Verona, New Jersey and was deemed Kristin Davis' first full-length feature film. Ah a proud IMDB addition to the filmography.

Overall take away from this 78 minute movie? A clunky trope-laden film with gore gags, over the top dialogue and cheesy one-liners. No clear direct motive of killing the kids with the exception, he's crazy. Hell even the trip out of creeper former nut house made no damn sense at all. Story wise I had no clue what was going on and it is happenstance Coroner Mitch even bumped into Kiki so their whole potential story arc was shot to Hell and back.

My take from this is: a fine film for drinking games. If you need to riff a turd, look no further.

Pleatherface...

Ghostbusters II

Back again with a new review. Hey that rhymed. After the events of the previous movie, a certain sect of paranormal investigators damn near sued for the explosion of an expensive building, the boys in brown had to make ends meet through alternative means. Not far too long, spooks and spirits make their way into NYC and get restless. This is Ghostbusters II.

At least they're not crossing the streams.

5 years after the Gozer incident, Ray Stanz (Dan Aykroyd of Spies Like Us, The Blue Brothers, Ghostbusters, Nothing But Trouble, The Great Outdoors, War, Inc. And According to Jim) and Winston Zeddmore (Ernie Hudson of Dolemite II: Human Tornado, St. Elsewhere, The Super Powers Team: Galactic Guardians, Sugar Hill, No Escape, The Crow, Shark Attack and The Family Business) are regularly entertaining kids' birthday parties.

Egon Spengler (Writer/actor Harold Ramis of Caddyshack, Stripes, Ghostbusters, Baby Boom, Groundhog Day, As Good as It Gets and High Fidelity) has thrown himself into research and studies while Peter Venkman (Bill Murray of Saturdy Night Live, Caddyshack, Stripes, Ghostbusters, Rushmore, Lost in Translation and The Life Aquatic)hosts a budgeted show about the physic phenomenon.

Ungrateful Yuppie Larva.

Dana Barrett (Sigourney Weaver of Alien, Aliens, Gorillas in the Mist, Working Girl, Dave, Copycat, Galaxy Quest and The Defenders) becomes concerned for her son Oscar after a few spiritual encounters and she seeks Egon's help. She and Peter apparently didn't part on the best of terms and she has no interest in pursuing any interaction with him. Dana left the conservatory and music to becoming a restorator at the Manhattan Museum of Art and a curious portrait of Vigo of Carpathia seems to be a center attraction piece of a conqueror, tyrant and fabulous trend setter. Dana's boss Dr. Janosz Poha (Peter MacNicol of Sophie's Choice, Dragonslayer, Ally McBeal, 24, The Batman, Agents of SHIELD, Tangled: The Series and All Rise) is infatuated with this painting and frankly feels like the comic relief that Rick Moranis was in the first film.

Upon investigating Dana's supernatural encounter, Ray, Egon and Peter find an ectoplasmic river in the sewers. I'd point out at this time, the city, county and state forbid them to use any of their paranormal equipment due to the MASSIVE lawsuit of exploding more than 5 stories of the building from the first flick. Also they impersonated construction workers so yeah it doesn't look good for the boys. Poor Winston wasn't involved, so he wasn't brought before the court. After containing with a pair of executed ghosts, the boys zap and trap, the judge rescinding the order allowing a music montage and they're back in business. So they kept the building, rebuilt the containment center that burst in the original flick and brought everything up to code via EPA and OSHA??? Right, right. Disbelieve.

Hmm Science Fair's not going well.

With the tremendous amount of slime absorbed negative energy, combined with mass turbulence of full roaming vapors, combined with Vigo's influence; the boys' work is really cut out for them. The mayor is once again not a huge fan of the Ghostbusters agrees they are the only ones that can deal with this massive hysteria and ghost uprising.

Um something something more immigrants joke.

What can be said about this sequel that countless critics haven't already covered? 

 Well it doesn't surpass the original but does compliment it. It's great to see the guys back in harness blasting the undead. The overall tone of the film became more family friendly due to the popularity of the cartoon, The Real Ghostbusters. With a budget of 37 million the overall gross was over $112 million in spite of the opening weekend only managing $29 million. Keep in mind, Batman was opened at the same time too. Imagine the hell for Weird Al's UHF was. Given the actor Wilhelm von Homburg portrayed Vigo, his lines were dubbed by Max Von Sydow. This apparently pissed off Homburg and he left the premiere in a huff.

Bill Murray and Harold Ramis had a few issues with one another and future projects were not happening. A third film was always on the books and never came to light, however the 2009 video game where the quartet voiced, along with Aykroyd and Ramis wrote incorporated gags and story ideas of a previous script where the guys was supposed to end up in Hell. More near H.P. Lovecraft creatures and stories went into the game as well as a boss battle of a giant Sluur, the beast possessed Louis Tully a.k.a.Vince Chlortho the Keymaster (Rick Moranis) spoke of.

Suffice to say, this game is essential to Ghostbusters fans. Brian Doyle Murray is added to the cast as the new mayor and reprising his EPA dickless character Walter Peck (William Atherton) and Alyssa Milano as curator of the Manhattan Museum.

Will Afterlife capture the same magic as the previous films? I cannot say. After the 2016 all-female cast that DIDN'T bother to acknowledge the original source material, but who knows? It may cash in on nostalgia or might stand on its own.

Think we gonna get more screen time?