Blood Feast

Hidey-ho readers of the Rotten! More than a few of you have requested Caroline Williams movies. I had no idea there were that many Stretch fans (Main female protagonist of Texas Chainsaw Massacre II for those not in on this response) but this is certainly not the worst request in the world. The worst would probably more Andreas Snaas films. Those are as soothing as a chainsaw enema. So howzabout a splatter comedy based on the 1963 exploitation classic of the same title? This is Blood Feast a.k.a. Feast of Flesh a.k.a. The Blood Feast a.k.a.Egyptian Blood Feast

Now sweetie, Daddy just exploring new avenues.

Normally my Spidey-senses are all a tingle with multiple titles but looking at the film's cast I felt better already.   Based on Hershell Gordon Lewis (Blood Feast, Scum of the Earth, Two Thousand Maniacs!, Monster a-Go Go, Something Weird, Blast-Off Girls, She-Devils on Wheels and How to Make a Doll) exploitation splatter flick, we follow the Ramses family transitioning from France (THEY CAME FROM FRANCE) where they chose to run an All-American diner. Business is flagging a bit, clearly a sign of the times and poor economy structure.

Fuad Ramses (Robert Rusler of Weird Science, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge, Sometimes They Come Back, Babylon 5, Wing Commander IV: The Price of Freedom, Mike Hammer, Private Eye, Cold Case, NCIS, 24, And Soul Searchers) has to bring home the bacon, he decides to forego proper sleep and takes a second job working night shift security at the prestigious museum of Egyptian culture. Throughout the nights of utter boredom and loneliness, Fuad is drawn to this stature of Ishtar. So drawn to this statue he starts seeing visions of this gorgeous goddess (Sadie Katz of Good Guys Finish Last, Hit List, House of Bad, Scorned, Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort, Grindsploitation, Unreported, The Night Shift, Bus Party to Hell and Meaning of Violence) makes demands of worship and sacrifice and Fuad falls under her spell.

Hehe, hard to stay in the lines!

When gives you lemons, you make lemonade. When life leaves you an ancient goddess that demands flesh and blood sacrifices, you make people steak?

Fuad proceeds to butcher people for the decree of Ishtar, and the meat and organs to the menu at the diner. Naturally this could be a difficult sale to his lovely wife, Louise (Caroline Williams of Almo Bay, Getting Even, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, Stepfather II, Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III, Days of Thunder, Flashfire, Leprechuan 3, The District, The Division, The Unleashed, Abolition, the Mentalist and Monsterpiece Theatre Volume 1) who is equally tired from back breaking work and sees this as a blessing. The doozy is breaking this particular level of messed up is giving their college aged daughter Penny (Sophia Monk of Monster!, The Mystery of Natalie Wood, London, Pool Guys, Date Movie, Click, Sex and Death 101, Entourage, Spring Breakdown, The Hills Run Red, Life Blood and Hard Breakers) in on the new family secret.

Dangerous and dishy.

This could be equally bad as Penny has been in a relationship with the Sheriff's officer, Fatih (Roland Freitag of Iron Wolf, Das Tagebuch der Grete Muller, #funnyFACE and Blood Feast) so I can only hope she can make with the deception. Faud starts getting screwy...well screwier when you dine on human flesh you have murdered and butchered yourself. Yeah go figure that eating people would make you a bit off. With bodies piling up and people disappearing, you would naturally assume the cops would start piecing this together but in true horror trope fashion, these guys couldn't distinguish their asses from holes in the ground. And yes because I get asked it almost every time I review horror (YES THERE IS TITTY!) so that has been answered. Sorry again, lady readers but I get this particular cliche more times that I would care to admit.

This normally tallies at 90 minutes, there is also the Blu-ray version at 96 minutes and the Director's Unrated Cut finishes at 98 minutes. And yes I saw the Unrated Cut because...well it was the one I clicked on.

To anyone with eyes, the remake is a love letter for the original. The elaborate sets, the slow drawn out story and going for a bit more gore than the 1968 version. Our cast is amazing with the material. I am not certain who I found more captivating: Robert Rusler's slip from working class schlep to a spiral into madness and devote follower of Ishtar or Caroline Williams' just accepting this insane course of actions to help the family business or the craving of flesh.

I am really confused why this film has gotten so much crap from IMDB readers and non-profit critics. The film has good suspense, decent build-up into the evil, dark humor and making the hairs on my neck stand up. Seriously guys and gals, why the hate? Hell for that matter the late great Herschell Gordon Lewis makes a cameo as Professor Lou Hershell.

Director Marcel Walz (Camp Corpses, Kadaver, Road Rip, Popular, Raw: The Curse of Grete Muller, Seed 2, La Petite Mort II, Raw 3: The Revelation of Grete Muller and Rootwood) plays up with an updated script lingo wise but kept the core of the story giving an macabre tale of family and struggling business. 

Meh, beats EBT.