Karate Girl

Back again blog fans. Man, it's almost like I do this regularly. Scheduled a haircut for today so I can actually get some filming done on Phantasm II video review.   Guaranteed to be a tooter and a titter. Today's film has a ring of infamy.  Okay, sit down and I will explain.  As some of you may be unaware, the country Turkey has had some stringent rules about TV and Film.   Issues with nudity, graphic violence and even cursing in their films.   So with that in mind, imagine such films as Ms. .45 and I Spit on Your Grave being the inspiration for today's flick but not being able to show that same level of vulgarity, violence and depictions of rape.  This is Karate Girl. a.k.a. Golden Girl Karate Girl.

The subtitles mock her gun handling.

Yes, that alternative title was so absurd I felt it deserved to be given its due.   We open with title cards and a piano score which ends abruptly.   You know how most scores will fade out?   Well, this one just ends.  We see a gorgeous view of the land, a bit of waterfront and what I took to be a dingy blonde handing out flowers.  Oh wait, that's our protagonist.   Now understand this, she appears to be a bit simple, mute and selling her father's flowers for money.

Not exactly the beginnings of an antihero story arc, right?   You can't have Harry Callahan trimming a Banzai tree and then minutes later, blasting a guy in the chest. Our little blond is known as Zeynep (Filiz Akin of Fluffy dreams, Little darling, Separation, Sweet Language, Bitter Life and I cry), whose life consists of tending to her farm, cooking and cleaning after her father who works primarily in his greenhouse.  Yeah so, after peddling flowers that somehow almost everyone is accommodating to throw her the odd coin for, she heads home for a lengthy walk, cleans the place up, does the laundry and cooks for dad.

Turkish Randolph Scott senses danger.

Due to lengthy exposition plot dump, we find out they have saved enough money to get Zeynep an operation to get her voice back.   Oh happy day, callooh callay.  Unbeknownst to our simple farm folk, a gang of thieves, murderers and rapists escape in the middle of the night from a secure prison and are on the loose.

They sneak their way on the farm, help themselves to food, the saved money and kill dear old dad. The shock and trauma gives Zeynep her voice back and a burning determination to seek revenge. Well bright side, you don't have to save up money again...except for dad's funeral expenses.

The police try to see if Zeynep knows whether or not the fugitives at large are responsible by supplying her with the blurriest photos of each men in a slideshow presentation.  Looked like these things were taken underwater and out of focus.   Zeynep plays dumb and claims she doesn't recognize these men as she will hunt them down herself.

A stranger comes to her farm, asking for shelter and food for a day's work.  Name of Murat (Ediz Hun of I will cry for tomorrow, My life is yours, Rose, All mothers are brothers, Separation and Doubt),our handsome stranger strikes a rapport with Zeynep almost instantly.   Yeah they really need to understand the importance of a title card, wipe or dissolve. These tools establish time has lapsed.

Peasant by day, leather momma by night.

Murat shows her how to shoot, react to combat and gives her advice on what each objective must be in order to win the day and not succumb to the darkness of a gun. She must control her actions, aim for the heart, catch flies with chopsticks and never go the path of the Dark Side. Yeah, I may have encountered a few mentor characters in my reviewing.

Will Zeynep get her revenge? Will handsome Murat take her as his own? Can the jump cuts in this flick not be so jarring???

Okay a bit of trivia now.  In 2012, a viral clip of this very movie when on almost every social media possible, calling it "the worse movie death scene ever".  By that, they clearly meant the worse death scene placed on film because it is far too over the top and goofy.   Thankfully my version has a voice over during that so I do not have to hear the minute and seven seconds of a guy screaming from multiple gun shots.

Yeah it goes on quite a bit and is hammy but not longer than some death scenes, including Sleepaway Camp's pedo chef scalding screaming scene or the 2 minutes and 15 of Heather death of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation sequences. That being said, it's painful to behold.   So poorly done.

Our Turkish cuts of film is extreme jump cut endings with nothing formulating time difference, a transition if you will.  Nothing of film technique like a dissolve, wipe or fade to point out that scene is finished and onto the next one.  Seriously, a guy is mourning his brother dying in the hospital and the abrupt move to the next scene without any resolution.

So yeah, at best you have ideas, concepts trying to be put across.  Um, the actions scenes are passable but the overall execution of movie is lacking.  This is ideal for a drinking game for film makers. AHHH! Out of focus! Drink!   Ahhh not properly blocked!  Drink!

Feel free to work on riffs for the film.   I know I want to do a bit of that writing but again, I put it on YouTube and no one sees it. Awww Sad Clown.

Tomorrow busy with being an extra on a indie film so no write ups on Wednesday. Ta ta!

Filiz Akin is Turkish Policewoman...in Color.

Knock Off Week: Intikam kadini a.k.a. Turkish I Spit on Your Grave.

Welcome back any readers I may still have after Robo Vampire. Yeah that English dubbing really put the film into perspective for me. It says, not all foreign distribution should happen. Well knock offs and impostors are gonna happen in Hollywood. Hell Asylum Films lives on most of that alone. Of course there is always the comment of, "I liked that movie but I think I would go a different direction than they did." Which brings us to our latest discovery. I'm not sure why I keep doing this sort of thing to myself but apparently Turkey was not overcome with joy with the original Meir Zarchi 1978 shocker rape revenge flick, I Spit on Your Grave. Nope the idea for four men gang raping, degrading and trying to off a girl was just simply not enough for some folk. The idea that crossed director/writer Naki Yurter (Fehmi the Astronaut, Cehenneme postalarim, Sehmuz, Haydi bastir and Dert Duragi) if only we could make that a porno as well. Bravo movie, you have just lowered the bar on my blog yet again. This is Intikam kadini a.k.a. A Woman Like That a.k.a. Turkish I Spit on Your Grave.

Joe Spinell's vacation pics got overexposed.

No sooner did I actually find this film the stock alone is grainier than a grindhouse movie. Maybe David Hess' Krug mistook it for Sandra Peabody from The Last House on the Left and had his wicked way with it. Okay, so while the subtitles took forever to pop up I gathered this film is really trying to be its own film and in many ways it really is. Yeah yeah four guys jumped and girl and now she vows bloody revenge. Sadly I can find at least 30 more films like that and do not have to automatically call that a rip-off of I Spit on Your Grave. It could have been closely modeled after Ms .45. Also our rapists are not just punks working for minimum wage in this flick, turns out they are real estate agents who work and live in the city. Their car breaks down in the country and then wonder up to the household of Aysel and her father. After being offered food and shelter for the night they repay the kindness they have received with rape of the girl and brutally murdering her father. Sure you don't want to stop and boot stomp all the chickens or kick the goat in the balls too??

Cut! Turkish Bluto you are on the wrong set!

Asyel (Zerrin Dogan of Hizli giden yourulur, Sona Kalan Dona Kalir, Sev beni, Ooooh Oh and Rezil) is this close to commiting suicide when she decides she will get her revenge instead. Oh and for those of you who had issues with Camile Keaton seducing her attackers and then gacking them one by one well this one will just blow your mind as Asyel decides to seduce her attackers and even jump the bones of a couple of them, again in order for the sweet sweet revenge. I love how the guys didn't even recognize her because her hair is down and she is wearing makeup. Apparently this skin flick didn't get nearly enough flesh going so the other attackers are just in bed with a couple of other women so they must not be real choosy in this portion of Turkey.

Lastly in all of this, there are weird edits or cuts in the film where the music just stops or after a bit of dialogue is over, not even a wipe or dissolve just bloop! NEW SCENE! Music stingers are to be encouraged but alas this crew does not seem to get how that works.

Our infamous director Naki Yurter was arrested by the Turkish government in 1980 for creating and distribution of pornography or whatever film was deemed taboo or communist staple. Yurter never made another movie after Intikam kadini so not sure if that was due to mistreatment in prison or possibly prison guard beatings... I had no real further info on the guy aside from his passing in 2014.

Run time is an hour and well that seemed long enough. They had some ideas and some ways to make this a psychological thriller but no real technical direction, blocking shots was unheard of and the stock looked like it was the dailies before final print.

Well she's no Cleopatra Jones but yeah that's nice.

Turkish Spider-Man a.k.a. Three Giant Men

Heya folks, Rotten Reelz Reviews making a late appearance...again. Quick question, what do you get when you combine the star spangled avenger Captain America and what appears to be Samson the silvermask doing battle with a merciless, ruthless Spider-Man??? Well you get a confused as hell writer who thought this is such an obscure movie that it deserves a look-see. Yes, hailing from Turkey, imported to Chicken and served up on a bed of rice comes the film that...well maybe a handful of movie critics have debated about. This is 3 dev adam a.k.a. 3 Mighty Men a.k.a. Three Giant Men a.k.a. Captain America and Santo vs. Spider-Man.

Hmm, Spidey is looking a bit dumpy.

"What in the sam scratch is goin' on??!!" You may be asking yourself and me. Well simmer down and I will endeavor to explain. You see gentle readers, Turkey is known from the 70's and 80's to create knock off movies of popular American titles such as Star Wars, Rambo and even and I kid you not, I Spit on Your Grave. Their governmental censorship is so harsh that movies and TV show depicting nudity, smoking, drug use or even having some booze is always blurred to avoid obscene fines. Hell they can barely use the word gay and have to fall back on marginal. That being said, not all of our movies translate well or again too risque so they have cranked out a few cheapies at the ready for what makes for some interesting viewing if not great MST3K riffing.

Our story takes place in Istanbul where counterfeit dollars are being minted at the behest of Spider-Man (Teyfik Sen of Three Giant Men and Ugly World) and his nefarious Spider's gang...hmm lacks punch doesn't it? Web of Minions? Wall Crawling Weirdies?? Anywho, Spider-Man and his Infamous Friends smuggle artifacts from Turkey to the US of A to dealers and handles payoffs with the phony lettuce, see? J. Jonah Jameson was right, Spider-Man is a menace. Captain America (Aytekin Akkaya of The Dead Don't Talk, Three Giant Men, Yor, the Hunter from the Future and The Ark of the Sun God) is such the hero that his girlfriend infiltrates the Spider's gang and apparently he is completely cool with this. Y'know, it's just one of those things women do... join a den of thieves and murderers.

Hmm, my Tamagotchi died...again.

Moving on, Non-Agent Carter is getting the goods of Spider's gang when she is discovered. Captain America sans shield (the shield would have cost at least 200 bucks) and Santo (Yavuz Selekman of Tarzan the Mighty Man, The Legend of Ararat Mountain and Battal Gazi'nin Oglu) must manuever into Istanbul and break up the gang before any happens to girl whose name NEVER COMES UP. Seriously, they never give her name well enough and I am running on sub-titles here that have probably been poorly translated. And Cap needs a beefy Mexican wrestler to aid him in his time of need? Was Hulk, Thor, Wonder Man, Iron Man and hell even Moon Knight all busy??!!! The Beast was unclogging the drain that day?? The Vision got his with a DNSunlocker virus??!!!

Will Cap and Santo be able to thwart Spider-Man's plans??!!! Will JJ write a scathing editorial??

Folks, this is one of those flicks that you gawk at with your jaw agape and your mind confused. With a lot of the Turkish movies...editing isn't really an issue. Music scores with fade out in films, but in these they just stop dead. Stinger scores or dramatic music can go off and there is nothing dramatic going on. Entire scenes will have dialogue and then poof, piss poor translation to next scene so continuity feels like it went out the frickin window. Our movie is ideal for having a laugh around the living room or a college dorm drinking game. There is a degree of violence in it but nothing so stomach churning you wouldn't see in a TV show in the last 50 years. I think Chuck Connors' Branded or The Virginian is deemed more violent.

Yeesh, they went below budget for Civil War.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Hey folks,

Jake here via Rotten Reelz Reviews and just wanting to wish you all a happy turkey day.  I hope the tryptophan hasn't taken complete control of your bodies and allowed the little ones to run amok, cramming hot wheels tracks up your collective septum.

Guess who's getting stuffing??!!!

Got some things happening with the blog and podcast Rotten Ramblin' On.  Looks like we will get that microphone after all as my co-host decided to snag one.   We are demanding fans write into the gmail. rottenramblin'on@gmail.com or to the FB page: https://www.facebook.com/Rotten-Ramblin-On-1532285520395532/?ref=hl  

We are still attempting to get guest stars as well as the Skype program for interviewing them for audio recording as a whole.   Sorry if the technical errors have progressed to a level of SPACE MADNESS...but Shawn and I are not rolling in it financially and we have to make due from time to time.

I will gab with him on studio guests visiting and we will go from there.   Until then, enjoy your family time, your bird and a well overdue nap.