A*P*E*

Hiyas kiddies! Did you miss me? No? Not even a little bit. Again, I stress if there is something you want me to review, all you need to do is to hit me up on Facebook via Rotten Reelz Reviews page and leave a suggestion. If needs be, I will create an e-mail solely for suggestions, comments and complaints. That being said however how about a King Kong knock off? Not enticing enough? Well if I through a giant killer great white shark, would that help? Still no? Alright dammit I am pulling out all the stops and aiding an enormous python as well. That clenched it. This is APE.

The suspense of a man in a gorilla suit vs a snake is killing me!

Okay let's get the alternative English titles out of the way because there are so many and each are a gem in of themselves. The New King Kong, Super Kong, Hideous Mutant, A*P*E*, The King Ape, A*P*E*: Attacking Primate Monster and my personal favorite that made me snicker; Attack of the Giant Horny Gorilla. No, I did not make up that title.

Brought to us by Kukje Movies in 1976 (Final Temptation, Cheondong, The Bloody Fist, Valley of the Wicked, Iron Will, Kung Fu Party and Two Sisters), a South Korean production company brings us the impeding terror that is APE... Shot primarily in Seoul and probably a few back lots and closed sets for the small scale footage, so expect a few goofs, some factual errors and more bad line English dubbing than most early Jackie Chan flicks. Normally I honestly try to be objective to most movies, even the ones I do not care for but every so often, I get one of these movies that make me want to pull my hair out. I suppose I should begin at the beginning then.

God, I hope that isn't a real, dead shark he is wrestling with.

If you will recall, many moons ago I reviewed Mighty Peking Man which was a rip-off of King Kong as well, and while the story wasn't to really take away from, nor was it original and genius, it still was vastly superior to this pile of monkey flop I felt was interesting today. While both films were cashing in on the 1975 remake starring Jeff Bridges, Charles Grodin and Jessica Lange, this was the most poorly executed, lower budget and having no idea how to scale items and creatures. I was baffled how a 36 foot ape is towering of a 20 story high rise. Whoops? Also what drags in the audience for a King Kong wannabe? Let's put it in 3-D! Ahh Styrofoam rocks are flying off the screen! Our movie opens up on a small scale freighter that looks like it is floating in a kiddie pool as apparently we have a group of sailors, great white hunters that have tagged and trapped our ape...totally off screen. You know, because that would have been interesting to view.

Our ADA recordings are so loud and we get so much static between lines it is actually painful to hear in mono. Riveting material aside, our creature finally starts wake from the "gas" they put him out with wears off pretty darn quick and there's a rumble at the high seas as a badly constructed and fake fur glued hand appears. The boat just up and explodes and maybe you shouldn't transport your giant apes next to that cargo hold full of nitroglycerin. Quick note, apes aren't known for their swimming ability at all. Looks like they raided a Wal-Greens for one of those cheaply made gorilla costumes and hoped that no one would see the Velcro portions in the back. For no reason other than Jaws hit the charts, the ape is combating a large shark for...reasons and proceeds to slap around said blatantly obvious rubber shark to a battle to the death. Also thank God he was so close to the shore, given most water is deeper than 36 feet as our annoyed simian makes his way to Korea to start his rampage. SOLDIERS LEAVE APE ALONE!..is what he would have said if given a voice for his rage.

Of course every giant ape needs a helpless blonde girl to scoop up and our visiting actress to South Korea is...Joanna Kerns from Growing Pains? Eh, beats working with Kirk Cameron. Oh this scene with kids sneaking into an amusement park which is vacant for no particular reason, you see our A*P*E* gawking longingly at the kids to the point I am calling a sex offender hot line. It had no real context to anything. He didn't trash the place or eat the little ones so overall no point to it.

This film is the reason of drinking games with your friends. Already I have seen enough guide lines(wires that keep an object, person or thing in frame of your shot) for the 3-D cheese to cause alcohol poisoning. With houses, buildings and even streets looking like they are painted cardboard and Styrofoam, it is no wonder than King Kong and Jaws were not threatened by this turd waffle. This film offers excellent material for riffing and outright mocking but aside from that, yeah don't bother with it.

Cold waters doesn't improve APE's disposition...or image.

Exploitation Week: The Mighty Peking Man

Hey all and welcome back to Day 3 of Exploitation Week.  Eww did I step in something?  Oh sorry that smell is coming from the craze that was the 1976 King Kong.  Now don’t get your feathers ruffled, I am referring to the 1977 rip off that was a Japanese film that was shot in Hong Kong.  So prep your toy tanks and get those model airplanes in the air.   This is The Mighty Peking Man.

He did the monster mash!!!

The Spoiler obeys the girl’s every command!

In the deepest of the Himalayan mountains on the side of India, it is said there lurks a fierce ape like creature that stands over 100 feet.   Hmm that sounds kinda familiar…anyways this expedition to capture said creature is under way but we need an experienced hunter.  Enter Johnny (Danny Lee of Code of Honour, City on Fire and The Killer) an adventurous soul that is crawling inside a whiskey barrel because his girl was getting it on with another man.  Johnny warns his creditors the dangers of the jungle and has to get tough on them in order to survive the awesome ferocity of India. 

Swell cave you have here...roomy even.

He encounters Samantha (Evelyne Kraft of The French Sex Murders, The Bod Squad, Lady Dracula, The Fifth Commandment and Assassination Attempt) a shapely blond  barely covered in animal skins that has been marooned on this land as a child who has taken to behaving like Sheena, Queen of the Jungle.  She communicates with the animals including the massive ape known as Utam.  He is her protector and friend.  Guess she could not invoke the power of 20 some odd Japanese school children to summon Gamera. Samantha is bitten by a poisonous snake and her leopard mauls the snake while Johnny must take her supple thigh and suck the poison from it.    After such an event the two fall madly in love.   As that is often the case.

Phew, I should have skipped those baked beans.

Johnny and his partners convince Samantha to bring Utam to Hong Kong so he may be seen and they nixed mentioning they can rack in a lot of bread.    Johnny reconciles with his ex girlfriend and Samantha feels betrayed.   She runs maybe all of three blocks when some plaid polyester clad rapist attacks her; only to be squashed like an over ripe grape by Utam.   Utam is now enraged and proceeds to stomp up and down Hong Kong and create mass destruction.   Several helicopters, tanks and military personnel are at the ready.

And now I have just a few comments about our picturesque delight.   Panavision 35 mm is the culprit to capture this film in question but for some reason they recorded it in Mono.  The better portion of the “Special Effects” are done by Teruyoshi Nakano (King Kong vs Godzilla, Mothra vs Godzilla, Lake of Dracula and Evil of Dracula) for our various men beating the crap out of each other in rubber suits this Orangutan King looks like a Halloween store bought costume that the mask keeps shifting between shots.

Utam's first and last day as car valet.

To be fair they used similar animatronics techniques that were used in The Planet of the Apes films but the costumer did not arrange the fur in a realistic pattern so it looks bald in spots.  The forced perspective and scale models could be better but all in all are not that bad.  It cannot be taken seriously but it has been good for a laugh so if your heart is one for cheese ball monster films of this magnitude, then have at it.