Wild West TV Week: The Big Valley

Day 3 of Wild West TV is upon us and we journey to California in Calaveras County, not to be confused with Calaveras Big Trees State Park.  This frontier land deals with the usual issues of cattle rustlers, bandits, revolutionaries and robber barons.  Only one woman can hold this family and ranch together.  This is The Big Valley.

Horse's killing my bionic butt.

Heath: Boy Howdy! I've got spoilers in places I didn't even know I had places.






Wealthy widow Victoria Barkley (Barbara Stanwyck of Meet John Doe, The Lady Eve, Double Indemnity, Sorry, Wrong Number, Crime of Passion, Wagon Train, Dynasty and The Colbys) owner of the Barkley Ranch is a stubborn, tough as nails yet refined lady in an uncivilized land.  Head of the household has to keep her land and family in order with a hybrid grace and guts. Her eldest son Jarrod (Richard Long of Matinee Theatre, House on Haunted Hill, Maverick, Bourbon Street Beat, 77 Sunset Strip and Nanny and the Professor) is a reknown and respected attorney who manages all the family's legal and business affairs and while prefers to side with the law on disputes was not above frontier law and drawing a gun when needed.  Audra the only daughter in this sea of testosterone (Linda Evans of Those Calloways,  Beach Blanket Bingo, Hunter, North and South, Book II and Dynasty) is pretty as a picture, a bit self-involved and a bit of a tomboy.

Ahh disembodied floaty hot head!!!

Last but certainly not least is the illegitimate son of the late Thomas Barkley, Heath (Lee Majors of Will Penny, The Virginian, The Six Million Dollar Man, The Fall Guy, Tour of Duty, Raven, Trojan War and The Protector) a young man that claims on his mother's deathbed, she never bothered to tell his father of his existence (Thanks mom!) and he has to stake his claim in this family to be recognized as a Barkley.  With more than 30,000 acres to watch over you almost get the same feel as Bonanza but it does have enough episodes to stand alone if not a bit similar and Stanwyck is the glue of this show from her demure performance one minute to ironclad and hard hitting the next.

A few comments about the show now.  Apparently it is Hell being a Sheriff in this region as they went through more than 5 sheriffs in 4 seasons.  Originally there was a fourth Barkley son Eugene played by Charles Briles who was in 8 episodes for season 1 but in real life he was drafted by the U.S. Army and his character was written off as he went to college and was never mentioned again.  Not even a postcard or a drop-by with dirty laundry?

Lee Majors' portrayal of Heath is to this day deemed one of the most likable characters in TV history. For his level headed attitude to his steadfast loyalty to family and friends, Heath was a stand-up guy that you could depend on in a clinch.

With guest stars of Joe Don Baker, John Carradine, Claude Akins, Judy Carne, Charles Bronson, Leslie Nielsen, Warren Oates, Jack Lord, Kathleen Nolan and William Shatner, the popularity of this show had some of the highest Nielsen ratings.
In spite of those ratings, the show was canceled after 4 seasons due to network trying to steer away from Westerns and move to a more modern TV era.  Smooth move, CBS.  Bunch of dinks.

Oh great, clutch is stuck!

Wild West TV Week: Wanted: Dead or Alive

Welcome pardners to Day 1 of Wild West TV Week and I hope to have a slew of heroes and desperadoes at the ready for you.  This write-up is about a bounty hunter that with his charm, wit and million dollar smile is to this day one of the most popular actors even after his untimely death.  A man that looks like he could handle himself in a bar fight as easy as picking up a lady.   This is Wanted: Dead or Alive.

Itchy shoulder can set off an itchy trigger, see?

Josh Randal: You want your friend here to keep spoiling, don't step out of line.







Civil War veteran Josh Randall (Steve McQueen of The Blob, The Great St. Louis Bank Robbery, Never So Few, The Great Escape, Nevada Smith, The Thomas Crowne Affair, The Getaway, Papillon, The Towering Inferno and The Hunter) is a bounty hunter by trade and brings the horse thieves and back shooters in dead or alive.  A lone operator in a sea of despicable men he roams the countryside on horseback looking for profitable outlaws.  The pilot episode has him visiting the local US Marshall Jeff Wilcox (John Cliff of Riverboat, Bat Masterson, Oklahoma Territory, Maverick, Perry Mason and That Darn Cat!) looking for one Andy Martin's bounty when he is ambushed but Andy's younger brother who cold cocks him with a pistol and then drills the Marshall.

It's NOT ALRIGHT since I picked that fight!!!

Randall wakes up with a headache and a plethora of accusations and he probably sprung this outlaw and got double-crossed.  Vengeance isn't so much swift in this town but they put an express land in it.  Randall clocks the two loud mouths, rides out of town and goes after the Martin boys to clear his name and avenge his friend Wilcox.  What treachery will be waiting for him along the way?  Will the Martin brothers have a gang to match Randall?  Interesting trivia in this, prior to being Little Joe via Bonanza, Michael Landon is a back shooter in the pilot episode and doesn't look a day over I Was a Teenage Werewolf era.

With influences like John Wayne of the big screen totting a 30.30 carbine rifle with longer barrel, custom action to chamber rounds faster or a maple wood stock to make it lighter.  This show took a different spin on this old thing that has armchair historians crapping themselves in anger.  It's just poor research, people.  Randall's Mare is a sawed off 1892 Winchester 94 which is his primary firearm giving him more rounds in a gun fight.   Now the Weekend Gunslingers got their spurs in a knot about the show being set in 1870's and therefore Randall's weapon does not exist yet and then they go on endlessly about the practicality of that chopped down rifle used like a club and blah blah blah.  Sorry McQueen is prettier than you, fellas but you really need a hobby.

The theme of the anti-hero was not uncommon for the latter 50's and early 60's with TV and Movies but this is possibly the first truly likable anti-hero.  Josh has been pinned down in some box canyon giving away the better chunk of his earned money to the families of the victims or just to see the victim gets a proper burial.  Helping folks under siege from an Indian attack (I will be hard pressed to find a true Native American in the lot), bandits holding up banks or even a good old fashion train robbery, Randall has the uncanny ability to be the right guy in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Could have something to do with the writing of course.

Take it, Phil. I'm inbred and illiterate, remember?

Wild West TV Week

Hey there! Now before you roll your eyes and groan, "Jake, you have already done a Western TV spot before."  I would point out that the 50's and the 60's produced a slew of Western TV shows and I covered some of the most popular but I did not cover every Western I wanted to.   I also made mention that I would eventually get back to it and give it some life to the readers that are not familiar with these particular shows.

Heeeeeeere's..... Steve McQueen?

The basis of the week is to touch (not bad touch) on a few that were beloved but some barely reside in DVD land and are still relegated to piss poor VHS copies that have had anything from being in the direct sun too long or the VCR chew the tape something fierce and cannot be replaced.  Most of the series I will be reviewing this week can be found on the Encore channel so set the DVR up and record those bad boys.

Chuck Connors for the NRA.

So relax in the easy chair or couch and try to take in some of these classics and don't spoil it by counting how many rounds from each six shooter or rifle have been fired.  Just accept they are on God Mode and they have Infinite ammo.

Western TV Week: Gunsmoke

Howdy buckaroos and welcome to the finale of Western TV Week.  Now given I had not seen this series prior to this write-up I got to find out all sorts of facts.  Placed in the surrounding area of Dodge City Kansas this is the first of the TV Westerns to be shown in the Midwestern states rather than the West coast.   So get your daisy suits cleaned, polish them spurs and prep for one mighty fine shindig.  This is Gunsmoke.

Hmm wonder how Peter Graves is doing.

Festus: Spoiler Dillon!!!!

Right off the first episode you get a feeling this show is going to have a sense of style to it.  It gets introduced by the Duke himself, John Wayne.  Giving praises to both the show and cast members.  Not too shabby for right out of the gate and was adapted from the same name titled radio show to television.

Deputy US Marshal Matt Dillon (James Arness of The Thing from Another World, Iron Man, Hellgate, Hondo, Them! And McClain’s Law) dispenses justice in Dodge City and the surrounding areas.   Having two regular deputies Festus Haggen (Ken Curtis of Rio Grande, The Searchers, The Killer Shrews, The Giant Gila Monster and Ripcord) a cantankerous grump and Chester Goode (Dennis Weaver of Touch of Evil, Kentucky Jones, Gentle Ben, Duel and McCloud) a scrappy fellow with a good gun hand, Dillon had the authority to deputize anyone of use and wanting to serve the good folk of Dodge City and the surrounding territories.   Keeping the peace with compassion but backed up with six shooters and rifles.

Low down horse thieving...Hey is that Scotty?!!

One of notoriety in my opinion is the half breed Indian blacksmith, Quint (Burt Reynolds of Dan August, Deliverance, Shamus, White Lighting, The Longest Yard, Smokey and the Bandit and Malone) whose main role was to go into a residing town and apparently get the crap wailed out of him.  Granted Quint gave as well as he got but still lay off the poor guy.    

When the fellas are not out keeping the peace, they are taking in a show at the Long Branch Saloon to catch Miss Kathleen “Kitty” Russel (Amanda Blake of Sunny Side of the Street, Lili, A Star is Born, The Red Skelton Hour and Gunsmoke: Return to Dodge) who is quite the eyeful.  Miss Kitty is the sole proprietor of the saloon/hotel/brothel and yet was never viewed as a madam in the town’s eye but a business woman.

 

Gator McKlusky??!!!

A few points of interest I thought I would bring up.  While the story takes place in Dodge City; there are more than a few locations that look awfully familiar.  Such as Vasquez Rocks Natural Area Park, Paramount Ranch, Iverson Ranch in Chatsworth California and Simi Valley.  For most of the interior shots from anything to a gunfight to a bar room brawl we can surmise these shots took place in the CBS Studio Center as well as California Studios for the in-depth rafter lighting for the bar’s interior shots.

Miss Kitty takes no guff.

Also the barrage of guest stars of the show such as Claude Akins, Ed Asner, James Doohan, Barbara Eden, Leif Garrett, Beverly Garland, Jodie Foster and Dennis Hopper  just to name a handful.  Lasting for 20 years this Western truly gripped the imagination.

Western TV Week: The Wild Wild West

Back again kids and welcome to Western TV Week and let’s kick off this shindig right with embracing right after the Civil War we still have dangers to the country so President Grant enlisted some deep cover operatives for a long term operation.  So let’s dust off your spurs, grab your Stetson and your six-shooter.  This is The Wild Wild West.

 

Yes ladies I am a bit sweaty.

James T. West: It wasn’t your spoiler.

Lydia Monteran: It was…until you made me give it back.

Under the order of President Grant, James T. West (Robert Conrad of Sea Hunt, 77 Sunset Strip, Hawaiian Eye, Young Dillinger, The Bandits, The D.A., Assignment Vienna, Black Sheep Squadron, Centennial and The Lady in Red) a Civil War veteran and military intelligence officer is assigned to a long term deep undercover agent as well as his partner who is a master of disguise and tinkerer Artemus Gordon (Ross Martin of Geronimo, The Ceremony, Rod Serling’s Night Gallery, The Return of Charlie Chan, Vega$ and Jana of the Jungle).  West is decked out as an East Coast dandy with a private train and more than a few bucks to spare for the expansion.   

Snap out of it, West! You've been playing 8 ball all day!

With no back up, no real cavalry to speak of these two men are outfitted with the true sense of steampunk based weapons.  Hidden blades, unusual firearms and a few odds and ends stave off warlords, privateers and banditos.    During the midst of this madcap tales there were plenty of reoccurring villains such as; Doctor Loveless (Michael Dunn of Ship of Fools, Get Smart, Burke’s Law, You’re a Big Boy Now and Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea) and Count Carlos Mario Vincenzo Robespierre Manzeppi (Victor Buono of What Ever Happened to Baby Jane, 77 Sunset Strip, Perry Mason, The Girl from U.N.C.L.E., Batman and Target: Harry) both note worthy rogues in this den of thieves.  When West and Gordon are not trading punches and bullets they are wooing the ladies and let’s face it, a private train is the cat’s meow fellas.  Methinks that pool table got more than a few things racked on it.

And now I have just a few points to make about the show itself.  Primarily shot around Iverson Ranch in Chatsworth California as well as many horseback chases and gunfights found in a popular Paramount shooting location known as the Vasquez Rocks Natural Area Park, commonly used for Gunsmoke, Star Trek and The Planet of the Apes films.   Another very popular location for filming was Bronson Canyon, Griffith Park for its more hilly terrain and greenery as it has been shot for TV show such as: Bonanza, Star Trek, Gunsmoke, Knight Rider and MacGyver. 

Mmm...hope she comes with the house.

This show is a conglomerate of Ian Fleming’s James Bond savvy, the hard hitting western era and a smidgeon of Jules Vernes science fiction.  Our villains could double for the 1930’s serials or comic book characters.  You commonly saw anything from a secret society in the wings to mad scientists, revolutionaries of the Mexican Army, former Confederates to corrupt politicians feathering their own nest of ill repute.   I always got a kick out of the newest invention or mad scientist weapon of mass destruction every other week.

Charlton Heston Week: Arrowhead

Hey boys and girls and welcome to Day 2 Charlton Heston Week.  Journey with me through the halls of yesteryear… The year is 1953 and Heston is all of 30, rugged, good smile and apparently made the ladies swoon…and no damn dirty apes was shot in the making of this Western, so gather around the campfire, dig into the penny candy and let me spin you a yarn.   This is Arrowhead.

Actually Jack, no one craps bigger than me.

Spoilers don’t like horses, Sergeant. They’ll ride ‘em until they drop, kill ‘em and eat ‘em and then steal some more.

Let me be succinct, if you are of Native American blood line and or have a fondness for the culture then you shall not care for the portrayal of the Apaches in this movie.   That being said on with the show.   Stationed at Fort Clark, The US cavalry is to attempt peace talks with the Apache tribes and convince them to move from Texas to Florida where they will be place on reservations.  Maybe if it had a few lounge acts and a golf course but seems a bit off to me.  Lead scout Ed Bannon (Charlton Heston of The President’s Lady, Pony Express, The Ten Commandments, The Buccaneer, Soylent Green and Airport 1975) who raised by the Apaches knows how they think, act and fight.  He is a man caught between two worlds and neither really wants anything to do with him.   His commanding officer ignores his warnings on the incoming Apaches and it is best to just mow them down.   The colonel ignores him and follows his orders to his unfortunate death.   Next time listen to the top billed actor!!!

Aw Chuck she just wants a man with a slow hand.

Cavalry Captain Bill North (Brian Keith of Desert Hell, Sierra Baron, Ten Who Dared, The Raiders, Hooper and Hardcastle and McCormick) is about his only friend and their relationship is rocky at best. 

Bannon takes delight in the sweetheart that got away, Lela Wilson (Mary Sinclair of Studio One in Hollywood, Woman with a Past and Room to Move) is torn between her affection for Bannon and what would the townsfolk say of her being with this “Half-Breed”.  Yes that particular compound word makes its way a lot and yes I winced when I hear it.

  

Bannon’s closer…companion is Nita (Katy Jurado of High Noon, One-Eyed Jacks, Pat Garrett & Billy the Kid and Under the Volcano), a Mexcian Apache lovely that has her eye on Bannon  and his pal Chief Chief Chattez (Frank DeKova of The Ten Commandments, F Troop, Heavy Traffic and The Mechanic) who acts as aide and fellow scout.  Word is spread throughout the fort that the Elder chief’s son Toriano (Jack Palance of Shane, The Barbarians, The Mongols, Contempt, City Slickers and Batman) has returned from an law school learning the White eyes laws (you know the ones that allowed whites to own blacks, shoot Mexicans and eradicate several Native American tribes) and he feels it is time to act and not simply react.  

NRA Chapter meeting goes awry!

Now I have just a few tidbits about this film.  It is a dark storyline that shows two sides of the conflicts.  We really do not have any heroes here but then again we really do not have villains either.   Betrayal, sneakiness and underhanded plays are the name of the game and Keith, Heston and Palance are all a bunch of barrel chested, low vocal badasses in this film.  That is hard labor man muscle.

Spherical 35mm was the order of the shoot and only two different locations were needed for the entire film so the location scout was done in no time.  The foley artist (sound effects man) even gave us a few Wilhelm screams (film and TV stock sound effect from the 1951 film Distant Drums) beloved by Western, Action and Sci-fi and here I thought it was the Nazi and Stormtrooper death rattle.

Western Week: Shane

Hi-dy doo all!  Welcome to Day 3 of Western Week and man o man I found me a classic.  One of the most talked about, fussed over and in general beloved Westerns to this very day.  So kick yer shoes off, sit a spell and hell why not take a shot at widdlin’ some.   This is Shane.

Hey, an actual watering hole!

Come back Spoilers!!!...

A fella come riding into town in buckskin (No not Navajo Joe) and a six shooter in the sparsely settled of Wyoming just a bit after the Homestead Act.   The town while unaware of this fella who goes by Shane (Alan Ladd of This Gun for Hire, The Iron Mistress, Desert Legion, The Blue Dahlia, The Black Knight, Hell on Frisco Bay and Salty O’ Rourke), a man with a past but he is clearly pegged as a gunslinger and finds himself right in the middle of a homesteader Joe Starrett (Van Heflin of The Strange Love of Martha Ivers, 3:10 to Yuma and Airport) and cattle baron Rufus Ryker (Emile Meyer of The Man with the Golden Arm, Paths of Glory and Sweet Smell of Success) and tries his level best to keep it civil. Ryker clearly wants the land for cheap and wants the settlers to vamoose from town so I guess he can have more grazing land i.e. more beef for the bank.  Shane is invited to supper and a bunk for the night by Joe’s wife, Marian (Jean Arthur of Mr. Deeds Goes to Town, You Can’t Take It with You, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Too Many Husbands and The Devil and Miss Jones) takes a liking to these folks and signs on as a farmhand.

Whiskey anyone?!

 Joey, Joe and Marian’s boy becomes fast friends with Shane and asks him about shooting.  Shane is willing to teach both Joey (Brandon De Wilde of Jamie, Good-bye My Lady, Night Passage,  Hud and The Deserter)and Marian both, instilling that a gun is no more than a tool.  Granted it is a killing tool but only the owner can make the decision for what good or evil it will do.   Get all that NRA???    Marian is clearly not a fan of the hogleg and would rather her boy did not learn the ways of violence.   A fist fight brews in town when Joe and Shane run into some of Ryker’s men and they kicked butt.    Ryker is furious about this and hires himself one cold blooded son of a…well you get the idea *ahem* gunfighter named Jack Wilson (Jack Palance of Arrowhead, Flight to Tangier, Man in the Attic, Sign of the Pagan, The Silver Chalice, The Big Knife, Kiss of Fire, A Professional Gun, Batman and City Slickers) and brother this man is one cool customer.  He could shoot a fella as easily as order a drink of whiskey.    Yup what will the town do with this maniac on the streets? 

I have a few observations of this movie now if you don’t mind.  The setting of this town was based on the Johnson County War and was shot primarily on location but there was also more than a few sets via Paramount Studios backdrop.  Some of the exterior shots had a few matte paintings but damn some of these you look at you would swear is the open sky.  Similar to the Italian Eastman format this film was shot in spherical so great close ups and foreground but background looks a little hazy.   

I crap bigger than you, door.

35mm of course and sadly in Technicolor and yes I am not a fan of Technicolor.   Keep in black and white for that matter I say.  Hell how many films could be made better just dropped in black and white alone?    Moving right along, apparently Alan Ladd was not the first draft pick for Shane as the director George Stevens (A Place in the Sun, Penny Serenade and Giant) Montgomery Clift (Red River, I Confess, A Place in the Sun and From Here to Eternity) given their previous work history together.   This has it all.  Good story, likable characters and secondary characters, catchy themes and good luck getting that opening theme out of your head.  I can see why this is hailed as good cinema.

Western Week: Django

Howdy all!  Welcome back for Day 2 of Western Week and boy you know how I seem predicated to the more obscure movies.  Well an Italian director fella by the name of Sergio Corbucci (Castle of Blood, Navajo Joe, The Great Silence and Companeros) puts us in a wonder with this film with a gunslinger caught in the eye of the storm.  So mosey on out in the street, clear the women and children and get ready to slap leather.  This is Django.

Eastwood? bah this is Django baybee.

Yella belled spoiler!  Draw!

Our opening scene of this Spaghetti Western;  we see a lone man with tattered union blues walking through the desert with a saddle strapped to his back and dragging…a coffin behind him?  That’s right folks; he has a pine box behind him as he moves through the scene.  Django (Franco Nero of  The War of the Planets, Force 10 from Navarone, Goodbye Texas, Camelot, Mafia, Die Hard 2, Django Unchained) comes over a hill to see a woman lashed to a few poles and then whipped by this filth and mud ridden Mexican bandits.  Next thing you know they are all blown away by five men each wearing red scarves, Django is just about to move on when he sees the woman’s saviors are playing to host a barbeque in the lady’s honor…as she will be the charcoal.  What the hell??  Oh these good ole boys aren’t so good after all. 

Maybelline: for all your saloon girl needs.

After a rather brief chat with these fine southern gentlemen, Django drops all five of them.  Top that Eastwood!  Oh I said it.   The lady in question, Maria (Loredana Nusciak of Gladiators 7, Seven from Thebes, 10,000 Dollars for a Massacre, God Will Forgive My Pistol and Now Way Out) who has been spun from Banditos to KKK to a Yankee of all things reluctantly trusts in Django and follows him to town with a great exterior shot via dolly track we see the town is not looking so good.  One would dare say it has been pillaged and plundered me mateys!!  Arrrgghh!!!   Um yeah, sorry about that.  I was watching Pirates the other day.  

Okay where were we?   Ah yes the town holds an acrid scent and blackened buildings with no signs of life to be found. If this was a one horse town, well brother he skedaddled on out.  The saloon is about all that is standing I am thinking, “Wow, not the second place after the bank was hit?”    As Django and Maria take up residence at the saloon/ motel the owner and the saloon girls call this town neutral territory between the Mexican rebels and the remaining Confederates under the command of one Major Jackson leading his boys in the timed honored tradition of the KKK as they feud over one another they can always take shelter from the chaos here at a pretty penny.  

All the comforts of home during a bloody siege so what could anyone ask for.    The Mexicans are simply trying to rebuild after the Civil War but the South isn’t taking kind to it and both sides are composed of some of the more disturbing desperadoes putting our Yankee protagonist right smack in the middle of it all.  What can one man possibly hope to accomplish against two forces of so many driven men?  What indeed.   At 91 minutes a lot unfolds for the viewing pleasure.  Alas lady readers there are the slapping around of women, the thuggish mentality of man and in general the saloon owner is a spineless coward that will not lift a finger against so many men.  Just felt you deserved the heads up.

Have Coffin, Will Travel.

Yes I am going to give a few technical tidbits about the film now.  B.R.C. Produzione S.r.l. is a rival of Dino de Laurentiis Productions nabbed the rights first.  Sorry Dino.  The film stock is 35mm but shot via Eastman spherical lens scope giving the view less wide but almost as encompassing as Panavision with its anamorphic lens.  The difference is the foreground is better defined than anamorphic.  Personally if I were shooting a film I would love a nice hybrid of both.    My copy sadly was English dubbed and had a limited number of voice actors but telle est la vie…  Luis Bacalov (Composer of A Bullet for the General, We Still Kill the Old Way, Halleuja for Django, The Protagonists, and Assassination Tango) and countless of his pieces lifted from Kill Bill Vol. 1 and Django Unchained including the English translated opening song.   Sheesh Tarantino swipes much?     Seriously though, I want to download this soundtrack to my cell just to play as I enter a room, convenience store or restaurant because it is catchy to many levels.   This is no Fistful of Dollars but honestly I am rather glad it is not.  It is separate and on its own.  Not unlike our hero or should I say anti-hero? For you fast draw nuts, you will completely dig this flick for the awesome that is Django. 

Western Week: Navajo Joe

Get some!!!

Howdy buckaroos and welcome to the first day of Western Week.  Now having not tackled this particular field of film outside of my own entertainment this should be an interesting week.  So let’s start the week off good and proper.  With a bloody massacre, women and children butchered and a man seeking revenge to the point of utter madness.  Doesn’t that sound keen?   So saddle up your mustang, grab a Spencer rifle and aim good.  This is Navajo Joe.

Spoilers is sneaky as them injuns!!

Our film is fast paced, very little lag between scenes and frankly one of the better revenge storylines I have seen in a while.   The film opens up with a young Native American woman at the edge of a stream just washing some clothes against the rocks when a man on horseback trots up to the other side of the stream.  They share glances, albeit the girl’s a bit more shyly and then our charmer Duncan (Aldo Sambrell of The Sea Pirate, The Texican, A Bullet for the General, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, Hellbenders and Tex and the Lord of the Deep) draws his revolver and drops her dead.  I know, right?   This starts up this amazing score that seems to be timed when the screams of violence and gunfire kicks in. Enno Morricone (Composer of The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, Once Upon a Time in the West, Red Sonja, The Untouchables, Causalities of War and Inglorious Basterds) has been the primary composer for any Dino de Laurentiis production as well as almost every Sergio Leone (A Fistful of Dollars, A Few Dollars More, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, Once Upon a Time in America and My Name is Nobody) film and this score covers the various moods of the film but captures the overtone of revenge seething in Joe’s soul.  Also from a film goers’ point of view this was a complete waste of actress Nicoletta Machiavelli (The Hills Run Red, Matchless, Face to Face, Temptation, Anyone Can Play and Garter Colt) this gorgeous girl who can run lines well, give good emotion and presence with almost any male counterpart…again wasted within a matter of minutes. 

Gorgeous mountain range or Matte painting? You decide.

As the men ride off with their scalps they get that prickly feeling like they are being watched. Up in the far mountain range some 800 yards away is Joe (Burt Reynolds of Deliverance, Shamus, White Lightning, The Longest Yard, Gator, Hooper, City Heat and Boogie Nights) stalking them slowly.  Vigilant but not impatient, he waits for them to get comfortable and then will strike.    Duncan gets antsy and sends two of his boys to take him out, only to hear loads of repeater gunfire and see two horses sent back with his men slumped on their former saddles.  Duncan rides his boys back to town rouse the place and shoot up a far amount of folks in it.  Just so we are clear, these are bad hombres and I am behind Joe 100% in their deaths of which by far are quick.

An interesting film goof in my opinion, the train heist works by dumping logs on the track and yet the land they are driving the train through I didn’t see one fricking tree at all.  Sparse of trees I would think boulders rolled over the tracks would have been more feasible but hey I am not directing the flick.  My only point there is work with what you have and not what you just trucked in from a nearby town.   If you thought Reynolds got wailed on in Gunsmoke, holy hell they done threw him a whoopin’ in this.   Rest assured Act 3 has yet to happen.   

Shatner Hairpiece for Men: You're gonna love the fit.

The film of course is pretty dreary in its theme and I have seen a bit better examples of it but all in all it is a revenge story with western backdrop and I feel they did their level best.  Reynolds however feels it was a turd overall.  He describes the film as so awful it can only be shown in airplanes and prison that way the audience cannot leave. 

Sorry Burt I have to disagree.  Not too shabby.  Although those buck skins had to be getting hot running around in I wager.

Western Week

Hello all.  This week I thought we would do something different.  I have explored Drama, Science Fiction and Horror films galore and have not explored the realm of Westerns outside of my own entertainment.  So this week we will burrow through various works of the wild west.  I hope you enjoy!

You lookin' at me, boy?

Ossorio Week: Night of the Seagulls

Day 4 of Ossorio week and things may be looking up as we journey into the final installment of the Blind Dead series.  Will there be terror?  Will there be dread and chaos?  Will jiggly girls dominate the screen?  Will there be a decent plot and I and talking about a cemetery.   Strap yourselves in, make peace with your deity and hold on tight!   This is Night of the Seagulls a.k.a. La noche de las gaviotas

Pesky Mormons at the door!

Spoilers raaann… they ran so far awaaaaaaayyyyy…

We open our film with… you guessed it, a flashback sequence.  Seems to be the theme set from the second opus Return of the Blind Dead so this could mean we are in for some thrills and blood spills.   If it has a faster pace than the third film I am all in favor.    Our location is in Cataluna Spain with its various ruins and monasteries for excellent background, already a step up for a cheesy alleged 16^th century Spanish Galleon that the Scooby gang would have torched.    An aide, presumably the guard of a noblewoman scouts on ahead to see if there is any danger in the night, and yes it is shot at night with a decent lighting array.   Yay!  Budget increased!!    In travel to this little village the man is slain almost immediately by the then live Knights Templar and the lady is to be (dun dun dun) sacrificed.   Not sure if that means the fair sex is more appealing to demons and rites of that nature or if it is just blatant sexism.   Take your pick.   The tone of the movie is already set at the 8 minute mark; in that there will clearly be a coherent storyline again.   With clearly an off-screen dismemberment and some impressive body part props I think we may be in for a horror movie after all. Yay again! 

Psst.. you fart?

500 years later… back at the same quaint little fishing village, Dr. Henry Stein (Victor Petit of Topical Spanish, Hora once, La respuesta, Clara es el precio and Trampa sexual) and wife Joan (Maria Kosty of The Family, Fine, Thanks, El divorcio que viene, Las chicas del bingo and My Friend Washington) are moving in as clearly his practice will not only be necessary but welcomed.     The town acts a bit standoffish and the Steins are a bit at a loss for words.   Might have helped their case if they didn’t announce how drab the town looked and clearly the inhabitants are primitive savages.  That's a lousy bedside manner, doctor.   Henry is quick to anger and clearly when good cheer doesn’t get you your way there is always manhandling.    After finding the elder doctor’s house Henry and Joan are invited in and the elder doctor looks more nervous than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. 

We got some eerie music with a range of electric guitar and synthesizer to set the mood.   Sadly the Steins didn’t find a Crazy Ralph archetype to warn them off with mentions of a death curse or they would be spinning that Yugo outta there.   Henry sees the old doctor out via burrow and the elderly fellow tells him to not to pry into the town and never go out at night.   Abandoning the story arc created by Horror of the Zombies, Night of the Seagulls seems to bring all that was lacking in the third film such as: the shrouded horses, terrified villagers and in general well executed jump scares.  A little bit of stock footage from the first two movies is spliced and hell who can blame them when they looked as menacing as they did.

 It seems the Knights Templar now called roughly the Knights of the sea, and yet they escape their tombs riding out every seven years for seven nights to demand a sacrifice of a young maiden.   The kicker is the village seems to be perfectly fine with this notion that the lot of them garbed in black as some sort of cult straight out of H.P. Lovecraft’s The Shadow Over Innsmouth.  So fine with it that the villagers themselves with a dark chapter of the lottery here, the Steins and Teddy (Jose Antonio Calvo of El mercenario II, Evilio, Torrente 2: Mission in Marbella and Torrente 4) the village punching bag/idiot finds out that one of the girls slated for sacrifice is Lucy (Sandra Mozarowsky of The Book of Good love 2, Beatriz, Hitler’s Last Train and Mortal Sin), a maid of all trades that frankly I really don’t know what her job title is.   Nevertheless her countless…um days of compassion and assistance must not be wasted.  On to save young Lucy!  

Fellas, we eat tonight!

The filmstock looks immaculate.  Not the hopeless grainy of the third film but a good solid print and of course the option of English voice dubbed or subtitles is presented.  Highly recommend the subtitles.  You get a better inflection in the tone of emotional states and hey you may learn a little Spanish.   No guarantees.   For some reason due to the windy cliffs our cult masses begin around 5 in the afternoon and are edited with late night shots.   Lighting may have been a bit of a hassle.  Getting a far amount of generators to run that many lights plus anchoring them down somehow.    Not quite as impressive as the first two but definitely a decent capper from the 3^rd.    Maybe we can just view Horror of the Zombies as the Highlander 2 of the Blind Dead.

Risk 2: It's all in the execution

We have all played board games in one fashion or another.  Whether it was Candyland, Monopoly or Chutes and Ladders our collective tastes always brought us into wanting to see what the next game will test us or impress us.  When I was a boy my favorite game was Risk.  Warring armies poised to establish dominance over the world.  Risk II is that same feeling of the roll of the dice and the chances to pit your strategic wit against an adversary or adversaries.  A downloadable game found on www.reflexive.com and a handful of other sites, this game simulates the world map, troops and weapons carried throughout your territories.

  

No longer do you have to imagine how the battle is waged as your men line up against the opposition and carry out your commands.  Following the original board game’s rules with trading cards for men and land this wonderful graphic and sound engages the game on a whole new level.  You can hear the horses trample through the mud and sand.  The roar of the cannons and the crack fire of the rifles as your dice fall; deciding the fate of the two battling hostiles.  The play can be against a series of computer opponents ranging from easy, medium and hard.  You may also play against your friends via taking turns on a single computer.  Similar actions like the game of Life.  Even better still would be the competition of both human and computer waging battle against both for the control of the board.

 A demo version of this game can be found in just about any search engine and you may play it up to an hour and after that the cost is about 10 dollars roughly.   A bargain really when you consider we live in a world that most computer games run anywhere from twenty to about seventy-five dollars.    So if you are the type to love a good strategy game and you got sick of replaying Civilization II for the twentieth time in a row I would highly recommend this game to anyone that loves a good challenge and like spanking their friends board game wise.