Sir Christopher Lee Week: The Three Musketeers

Welcome back fans of Lee to Day 4 of Sir Christopher Lee Week. Didn't get a lot of love for The Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf and well... I really can't blame you. It is a crap film and should be avoided at all costs unless you like anamorphic, piss poor SFX and large Sybil Danning breasts. So I chose a film filled with history, swordplay and swashbuckling. Yes, I am attempting to bribe you all in order to get in your good graces. Based on novelist Alexandre Dumas finer creations comes the 1973 version. This is The Three Musketeers.

Few are as dashing as I.

As the usual telling of the tale our film follows young D'Artangan (Michael York of Logan's Run, Knots Landing, The Lady and the Highwayman, The Return of the Musketeers, Eline Vere and Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery) who arrives in Paris with dreams of being a musketeer and serving the king. Little side note, I have never seen a Frenchman aside from Gerard Depardieu in The Man in the Iron Mask play a musketeer. Moving right along, as a country lad and unfamiliar with city customs our young lad find himself slapped about, insulted and robbed by the Comte de Rochefort (Christopher Lee).

Going downhill from there, D'Artagan directly challenges each musketeer to a duel due to some insult or accident or in general a faux-pa. As the duel begins, Jussac of the Cardinal Richelieu's guards along with five other swordsmen demands the immediate surrender of their commissions and blades. Athos (Oliver Reed of R3, The Jokers, The Assassination Bureau, The Big Sleep, Gor, Hired to Kill and Gladiator), Porthos (Frank Finlay of The Three Musketeers, The Four Musketeers, A Christmas Carol, Lifeforce and The Pianist) and Aramis (Richard Chamberlain of Dr. Kildare, Centennial, Shogun, King Solomon's Mines, The Bourne Identity and The Return of the Musketeers) feel the need to decline. D'Artagan fights along side the musketeers as they endeavor to end the power held over their king by the Cardinal (Charlton Heston of Arrowhead, Touch of Evil, Ben-Hur, The Ten Commandments, Planet of the Apes and Soylent Green).

Wow, Street Fighter's Sagat has really changed his look.

The juvenile bladesmaster finds comfort and solace in the arms of his landlord's wife Constance de Bonacieux (Raquel Welch of Fantastic Voyage, One Million Years, B.C., Fahtom, 100 Rifles, Bluebeard, Spin City and American Family) the Queen Anna's (Geraldine Chaplin of Doctor Zhivago, Rasputin, Stress Is Three, Love on the Ground, The Return of the Musketeers, Just Run! and The Hidden) dressmaker and closest confidante. The former lover of the queen, the Duke of Buckingham (Simon Ward of Young Winston, The Three Musketeers, Zulu Dawn, Judge John Deed and The Tudors) humbly asks for a token to remember her by when she hands over a priceless necklace with twelve diamonds in setting to him. The Cardinal decides to make the Queen appear to be in league with the Duke by asking the king to host a ball in the queen's honor so she may display her lovely necklace for all the court to see. Can the musketeers recover the necklace and save face for the queen? Will the Cardinal send his minions to dispatch them?

A few facts on the movie.

Swordmaster/ fight choreographer William Hobbs had to stage all the fight scenes by working both individually with each swordsman as well as orchestrate the blocked scenes with cinematographer/ director of photography David Watkins to make certain their form was correct and no injuries occurred but accidents will happen as Oliver Reed was severely injured during the windmill duel scene and almost died when he was stabbed in the throat. Thank God for good health care.

Originally it was said that the Beatles would play the Musketeers as their main director Richard Lester was on-board but the producers felt the Beatles would be too much of their own personality and not be appropriate for the characters. Charlton Heston was offered a role as one of the Musketeers as Aramis or Porthos but he felt the role was too physically demanding and chose to play the villain for a change.   

Dammit all!  We ran into the credits!

Summer Blockbusters of 1985: The Color Purple

Back again movie fans and welcome back for Day 3 of Summer Blockbusters of 1985. It is a hot time in the old town today as the A/C is running like mad and folks are hitting the swimming pools and watering holes. This day we have a bit more grim look on life. Okay I am watering down the suffering committed in this film. The racist and sexist content is not for everyone but it is based on the same name novel by Alice Walker (The Third Life of Grange Copeland, Meridian, To Hell With Dying, The Color Purple, Finding the Green Stone, Possessing the Secret of Joy) and directed Steven Spielberg brings the story of two women in rural Georgia in the 1900s and the struggles that their friendship got them through. This is The Color Purple.

Yard needs mowin'.

Our story is narrated by the trials and tribulations of a good christian woman name of Celie (Whoopi Goldberg of Jumpin' Jack Flash, Burglar, Fatal Beauty, Ghost, The Player, Sister Act, Captain Planet and the Planeteers, Star Trek: The Next Generation and Toy Story 3) and her childhood friend Sophia (Oprah Winfrey of Native Son, Lincoln, There Are No Children Here, Beloved, Our Friend, Martin, Bee Movie and Selma) as they have grown, they have experienced so much evil as her own father Alphoso molested and impregnated her twice. With her sister Nettie (Akosua Busia of A.D., Late Starter, Badge of the Assassin, Crossroads and Low Blow) as her constant friend the two remain close as sisters can be until she ages, a plantation widower Mister Albert (Danny Glover of Hill Street Blues, Silverado, Lethal Weapon, Lonesome Dove, Predator 2, Buffalo Soldiers, 2012 and Death at a Funeral) scoops her up to raise his children and treat her as a personal servant. Nettie is booted off Albert's land told never to return.

Yeah no creeper creeper vibe there.

With her letters and close ties to God is all that gives Celie strength. Albert's old flame, a jazz singer Shug (Margaret Avery of Terror House, Magnum Force, The Rookies, Miami Vice, Blueberry Hill, Night Trap and White Man's Burden) sick with fever and delirous, calls Celie ugly the first time they meet. Getting to know her, Shug and Celie start forming a bond and become very close. Sophia refusing to let men walk all over her like Celie does, allows herself to be bated into a fight with a racist mayor and his wife where she is dropped into jail with little to no trial and beaten regularly. Umm what crazy times??? Yeah I have no comedy for this one folks.

With Sophia free from jail, Shug with her boyfriend Grady(Bennet Guillory of Dark Justice, Babylon 5, Star War: Jedi Knight- Dark Forces II, Charmed and NCIS) and house servant Squeak (Rae Dawn Chong of Quest for Fire, Fear City, Commando, Soul Man, The Principal, Chaindance, Hideaway and Wild Card) all want to leave Albert's farm and do so after Celie gives that man a verbal ass whipping he needed so desperately. With the ladies ingenuity they manage a haberdashery that brings the community together and outfits to walk about town.

Will Celie and Albert ever reconnect? Is Nettie even alive? Will Celie's monstrous father die and burn in the flames of Hell?

A few tidbits on the flick now.

This is comedienne Whoopi Goldberg's first feature film, proving she mastered comedy so drama was a cake walk for her and this was also Oprah Winfrey's first movie ever.

In spite of 11 nominations for the Oscar this film did not receive a single win. Shame on you, Oscars.

As producer, Quincy Jones had to coax Speilberg into directing when Speilberg said he didn't know a fraction of the racial barriers or what the history of the South was not deft enough that someone of color should tackle this given they would relate to the source material when Jones pointed " No I want you to do it. And besides, did you have to be an alien to direct ET?" Can't fault the man's logic.

Handful of youngins to watch there.

Sean Connery Week: The Name of the Rose

Howdy folks and welcome to Day 4 of Sean Connery Week.  Yesterday allergies were fun, fun fun and we got knocked back a day.  Today we will examine a cinematic masterpiece directed by Jean-Jacques Annaud (The Bear, The Lover, Seven Years in Tibet, Enemy at the Gates, Two Brother and Day of the Falcon) and based on Umberto Eco (Anthropologist, Medieval expert and writer of The Name of the Rose, Foucault's Pedulum, The Island of the Day Before, The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana, Art and Beauty in the Middle Ages, The Aesthetics of Thomas Aquinas and the Bomb and the General)  create the ideal scenery of a tranquil monastery besought by what is deemed evil and a honest to goodness murder.  This is The Name of the Rose.

Can't read my lines without my glasses.

William of Baskerville: Adso, if I knew the answers to spoilers, I would be teaching theology in Paris.





Friar William of Baskerville (Sean Connery of The Red Tent, The Molly Maguires, Diamonds are Forever, Zardoz, The Man Who Would Be King, Just Cause and DragonHeart) and his apprentice Adso of Melk (Christian Slater of Heathers, The Edge, Pump Up the Volume, Young Guns II, Mobsters, Broken Arrow, Alone in the Dark and Mind Games) have traveled to Northern Italy to abby.   A death of unnatural causes raises hackles and superstitions as an important theological conference was to occur prior.   Over the week, more bizarre deaths happen and our two travelers come to the conclusion that the abbey is not all what it appears to be.

Yes, I too, loathe the barber here but he is learning.

William and Adso meet Salvatore (Ron Perlman of Blind Man's Bluff, Beauty and the Beast, Cronos, Hellboy and Sons of Anarchy), a jibbering and seemingly demented hunchback that knows many spoken languages and his protector Remigio da Varagine (Helmut Qualtinger of The Business of Plueckhahn, Ice Age, Tales from the Vienna Woods and Die Hinrichtung).  William deduces from Salvatore's speech pattern that he may have been one of the Dulcinian (deemed by the Franciscan sect as those that stray from the traditional teachings as heretics by the Catholic church and yet this movement was inspired by the Franciscan sect in the eyes of the Dulcinian) heretical sects and both men are possibly involved with the murders.

Meanwhile young Adso meets a semi-feral girl who has snuck in the Abby for food via sexual favors and he starts to fall in love with the girl.   Quick to bypass any and all accusations of the Devil's work, William and Adso uncover a massive labyrinth in the abbey's forbidden tower (Yes, a forbidden zone and there lies cranky irradiated apes) a discover a variable maze of books and scripture the likes William has never seen,  to even come across works of Aristotle in a time where most of his works were burned by the Roman Empire.  This is one of many philosophers that was seen as pagan in the eyes of the Church and must be slowly introduced back into the realms of man and it is this book, Aristotles's Second Book of Poetics that seems to be the center of all the deaths.

His investigations are put on hold thanks to the arrival of Gui (F. Murray Abraham of Serpico, The Sunshine Boys, The Ritz, Slipstream, Mobsters, Nostradamus and Star Trek: Insurrection) of the Inquisition,( a superstitious sect of the Church hellbent on ferreting out blasphemers and burning them at the stake or torturing people until they confess sins).  He has little time to hear anything William has to say and will find the sinner that would take these precious lives.   Yeah this is the same type of Catholic that shames a woman at an abortion clinic and not even bothering to find out the reason for her decision or nuttier idea mind his or her own business.   * Sorry, I will come down from my soap box now*  

Gui and William have butted heads more than a few times.  Gui finds William to be frivolous and taunts God with his forbidden views of Sciences while William views Gui as a myopic, narrow-minded savage that inflicts pain and death in the sake of his God.  Who is the true murder?  What is the reasons behind it?  Who stands to gain anything from these deaths.

Just a few tidbits on the film at this time.  The monastery was actually a set replica built on a hilltop outside of Rome, making it one of the biggest exterior sets built in Europe since Cleopatra or Conan the Barbarian.
Credited as "The Girl" Valentina Vargas was the only female role in the movie.    Robert De Niro auditioned for the part of William but Jean- Jacques Annaud didn't envision De Niro for the part when he announced there should be a sword duel between William and Gui.
Most of the dialogue had to be synced up in post production thanks to all the airplanes coming and over the hill.

You'll have to sell your landspeeder..

Wil Wheaton Week: Stand by Me

Welcome back readers for Day 2 of Wil Wheaton Week and of course we will speak about a film that captured our imagination and hearts and caused a lot of young boys to swear.  No seriously the Christian Moralition actually got into the MPPA’s butt about the vulgar language mouthed by these youths.   Yes it is a bit sad and pathetic but it happened dammit.   So let us venture with 4 young boys who are in search of adventure, discovery of self and even a dead body.   This is Stand by Me.

 

Beats doing a film with Dennis Miller!

The Writer: Now he said, “Sic’em boy!” But what I heard was, “Chopper! Sic spoilers!”

From the fevered and demented mind of Stephen King and brought to life on the screen via director Rob Reiner (This Is Spinal Tap, The Sure Thing, When Harry Met Sally, Misery, A Few Good Men and The American President) gives us the tale of four boys in Castle Rock Oregon during the Labor Day weekend in the far away time of 1959.  The gang consists of Gordie (Wil Wheaton of EverQuest II, Rainbow Six: Lockdown, Grand Theft Auto IV, Ben 10: Alien Force, Batman: The Brave and the Bold and Fallout: New Vegas) who is a clumsy bookworm with a pension for telling and writing stories who is constantly ignored by his father who put Gordie’s brother Denny (John Cusack of Better Off Dead, One Crazy Summer, Say Anything, Grosse Pointe Blank, The Thin Red Line, Must Love Dogs and 1408) the football jock that died in an accident and truly connected best with Gordie than anyone else.  Gordie's best friend Chris (River Phoenix of Explorers, The Mosquito Coast, Little Nikita and Sneakers) whose entire family consists of thugs, thieves and general criminals and is tired of being lumped in with them or even labeled the same as.  Teddy (Corey Feldman of Gremlins, Lost Boys, License to Drive, Voodoo and Bordello of Blood) a squirrelly kid that is mentally and physically scarred by his father who had to be institutionalized and lastly Vern (Jerry O’ Connell of Sliders, Scream 2, Mission to Mars, Las Vegas, Crossing Jordan Do Not Disturb and Piranha 3D) a slightly overweight kid that ends up the butt of many jokes. 

Wait, I'm gonna be buff and marry a supermodel? Whatever future boy!

Hanging out in their tree house Vern tells his buddies about his older brother and buddy talking about dumping a stolen car and stumbling on the body of a missing boy that was in the papers.  The four of them get the bright idea to hike out, find the boy Ray’s body and become local heroes.

I could totally play Indiana Jones!

Lying to their collective parents about going out to camp; our stalwart foursome follows the train tracks to where Ray would be lying.  Taking a short cut through the junkyard the lads find the steadfast protector dog that is the fear of all boys this age as he is known to go for the balls and we ain’t talking tennis or baseballs. 

A few notes on this particular movie now if you will.   From the soul bearing throughout this film to the amazing performances in such young actors you could almost feel the camaraderie in the group.   They are typical boys growing up trying to figure out what to do with their lives, where they go from here and what is waiting for them later on.

Now I am sure the nitpickers that have reviewed this film prior want to point out the flubs or goofs like seeing 1980s cars in the background in and around the junkyard or seeing Topps baseball cards before they were created but you know what?  This is a great, clever film and I really don’t give enough of a crap over minor mess ups.

I DIDN'T GET MONSTER SQUAD!!!!!!