Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre

And we are back. Y'know, gang sometimes the title along says, "C'mon you're curious to see how this pans out." With today's film that is a definite and with the blessing of the film's director, Jim Wynorski (The Lost Empire, Chopping Mall, Not of This Earth, The Return of Swamp Thing Sorority House Massacre II, Dinosaur Island, Vampirella and Stealth Fighter) giving me the go-ahead, I think I will give this a gander. This is Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre.

Um...they're dirty girls?

Yeah I got your attention with that title. Our film starts off with a bang (not that kind, ya pervs) as two guys from the Arkansas Fracking Industries set off a series of explosions. Fracking is a term for explosive demolitions.  Our collective of ninny Fred (Production designer and Art department Robert Hummel of Dinocroc, Hell Ride, Tekken and Alien Rising) and Sam get their truck stuck as POV shots are in hot pursuit behind them.

Subplot1 has Detective Patterson (Traci Lords of Cry-Baby, Not of This Earth, Blade, First Wave, Deathlands, Frostbite, Novel Romance and Swedish Dicks) and Detective Adam (Corey Landis of That 70's Show, Dinocroc vs. Supergator, Camel Spiders, Dracula: Reborn, Toy Masters and Bad Internet) are pursuing a couple of guys that pulled off a heist and they are dogged and hot on the trail.

Meanwhile, subplot 2 as a region designated for chain gang work. No Sonny Landham or James Remar in sight but a bevy of beautiful girls doing time.  So yes, this is a combo platter of women in prison and creature feature.  Also prison regs are tank tops and shorty shorts.   Um...must have missed that on the last Orange is the New Black.  With only two guards watching them I can see this only going well.  They are required to dig in this swamp area and remove stumps.   Guessing the warden's favorite movie is Chained Heat.   Again, only a theory.

My hair tussled enough?

With guards Carl (John Callahan of All My Children, Dinocroc vs Supergator, eCupid, Zoe Gone and The Bay) and Mike (Serafin Falcon of Transporter 2, I Love Miami, The Sopranos, Burn Notice, The Bait, South Beach and NCIS: Los Angeles) on the case, you know...well the girls have only to jiggle and they would be distracted.

Don't worry, my sexist pig readers, the girls manage a little wet T-Shirt dribble here and there for this hard working. Let's meet our bad girls, shall we? Shannon (Amy Holt of Girls Gone Psycho, The Unit, Dinocroc vs. Supergator, Break a Hip and Terry), Sarah (Skye McDonald of NCIS: Los Angeles, Murder in the First, Follow Me, The Bet, Stalked by My Mother, Growth:VR and Leading Lady), Michelle (Christine Nguyen of Dexter, House of Lies, Tarzeena: Queen of Kong Island, All Babe Network, Vigilante Diaries and CSI: Crime Scene Investigation), Anita (Cindy Lucas of Piranhaconda, After Midnight, Shark Babes, Scared Topless and Legend of the Naked Ghost) and Samantha (Tabitha Marie of Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre).  Samantha goes to scrub up a wound and seemed to have disappeared.

Sleeping off eating Quint.

Heavens, an injured woman on the side of the road...while you are carrying four convicts.  Hmm, nah nothing wrong here.   Honey (Dominique Swain of Girl, Happy Campers, Lolita, Face/Off, Tart, Alpha Dog and A Doggone Christmas) pulls a fast one on our guards and it's all aboard the prison escape van.

Okay let's get the observation snarking out of the way. The POV shots show me clear, almost tropic waters shots while the main swamp shots have dingy, muck water.   There I did that.  We all happy? Fine, at least three of the guns changed calibers and models.  Yes, I'll finish. Boy, lush vegetation of palm trees, fichus and an underwater cavern in Arkansas seems unlikely.

Patterson and Adam join in to find the missing convicts so not sure about their previous objectives but they are on the case These here waters be infested, me buckos.  Yar!

With abducted Carl in hand, the girls camp out in a house rented by Honey and naturally it's near the swamp lines. Dry land, girls. C'mon already!

An evil industrial complex (because aren't they always?) may have unleashed an ancient predator back into the world by fracking the area prior. This bit of exposition brought to you by Professor Orville, geologist (Chris De Christopher of Distant Justice, Death Racers, Vampire in Vegas, The Devil Wears Nada, Busty Cops Go Hawaiian and Attack of the Killer Donuts) and his pretty boy assistant, John (Oscar DeRosa of Magic City, Hoke, Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre and Lionheart). Claiming it may be able to travel on land as easily as water. Cue Richard Dryfus speech!

With the cops massing a manhunt and this sharkasaurus running wild in the swamps, the girls figure it is high time to bounce.

Will they make it out in time? Can they dodge the cops?

Okay it's a bit campy but you get the vibe it is supposed to be. It's a throwback to the era that brought us The Killer Shrews with a popular shark attack theme and hot girls. Personally I had fun with it. Yes the land sharks gag did make me think of SNL, I know the firearms are Airsoft or BB guns and again I do not care.   I had a blast with this bit of goofy.  Love Traci's performance feels like she is channeling Tommy Lee Jones' U.S. Marshal Gerard from The Fugitive and U.S. Marshals.

Half of the reviews I read about this movie are outright vicious.   Hey "critics"! Just because you made some trivial observation, doesn't give you the right to crap on a film.  We are supposed to be objective and dispassionate in what we see and hear.   Yeah I noticed license plates too.  You got a problem that much with it?  Write and direct your own.

I couldn't shut off Spanish subtitles. Yay me.

Women in Prison...Again: Women in Cages

Welcome back to Women in Prison...Again Week. Again I apologize to those not thrilled with how this week will unfurl and it is hard to get around such but one must make do. Innuendos too subtle? Well today I found a Corman production in the Philippines were young innocent girls are being sold on the black market sex slave trade. Tasteful, I know. Hey you didn't have to sit through it. This is Women in Cages.

CATFIGHT!!!!

Man, the title just screams sexist piggies at work, doesn't it? Our story follows Carol "Jeff" Jefferies (Jennifer Gan of In Like Flint, Love, American Style, Nichols, Ironside, Naked Angels, Hello, Dollly and The Virginian) as she takes the fall for her boyfriend's criminal schemes on board his ship consisting of prostitution, gambling and smack trade (heroine for you, suckas). With the heat on his ass, Rudy (Charlie Davao of Bingbong: The Vincent Crisologo Story, Zhi fa wei long, Lethal Panther 2, Rosalinda, Darna and May bukas pa) hides almost a kilo of snow in Jeff's purse. Yeah who doesn't walk around town with that much dope in their purse?

Tossed in this hellhole filled with hellcats, Jeff of course is introduced to Alabama (Not Hot Pocket, Shawn but Pam Grier of The Big Bird Cage, Hit Man, Black Mama White Mama, Coffy, The Arena, Scream Blacula Scream, Foxy Brown, Sheba, Baby, Jackie Brown and Fortress 2) a lesbian torturous sadist of a prison guard...lesbian sadist? Anyway, she takes no crap, keeps girls in line and rewards those that tow the line.

Mmm, Pantene did wonders for your hair.

Seeing Rudy left her holding the bag and the other prisoners hold her in ill-regard, Jeff starts formulating a plan of escape. Stokes (Roberta Collins of The Big Doll House, Women in Cages, Caged Heat, Hardbodies, Hardbodies 2, School Spirit and Death Wish II), a smack addict thinks she can plot against Jeff for more smack. Reason and logic are probably not a heroin addict's best friend. Theresa (Sofia Moran of Playpen, Women in Cages, Batman and Robin (1972), The Smugglers, Bandolera, Secret Witness and Kingpin) is in bed with Alabama, in that she's her regular Saturday Night Thang...until they have a falling out. Guess she was the bad wife.

I'm confused. Her credit is head guard of the prison and yet Pam's role is almost the warden. So the formula of course is wrongly accused girls laboring in the fields, cat fights galore, load of showering and yup TORTURE! Pam has her own dungeon a.k.a. The Playpen. Less dom and more Spanish Inquisition though. These girls aren't walking away with a light paddling. I did start laughing realizing Pam owns her white girls, whipping them and making them slave in the hot sun. I'm weird that way.

The porn parody of The Great Escape is hard to follow.

Typical Grindhouse double feature with Emanuelle Escapes Hell you would almost wager. Granted, Emanuelle Escapes Hell came out in 1982 but my point remains.

With rough terrain, dense jungle and God only knows what lurks in the waters, Theresa, Jeff, Stokes and Sandy (Judy Brown of The Big Doll House, Threesome, A Woman for all Men, Toxic Zombies and House Calls) scheme to make their escape. Theresa guiding them tells the girls they can get help on the outside and hightail it outta there.

With violence and jiggly titties galore the men folk should be sated. Ladies, I have no idea what possible interest this film is for you...at all. I feel like I need a shower just from watching this sleazy, dismal hodge podge of sex and violence. It's grim and somber, our little flick and I really have no redeeming value for it. Um...the camera work was impressive.

Why are they in The Crimson Executioner's basement?

Women in Prison...Again: Caged Fury

And we are back big, bold and brassy. Welcome back to the blog folks and some of you...I won't be talking to. As it has been a request to do more Women in Prison flicks I am begrudgingly doing just that. Today's opus contains inmates being forced to wear lingerie and pass "favors" to the warden for early parole options. No board committee, apparently you just get freaky and your sentence gets lightened. This is Caged Fury.

Breasts? er um I mean Beer?

Shot in the Alabama Hills in Lone Pine California, hive of scum and villainy to the prisoners is never seen to the outside world what lengths the girls must go to survive. One girl can't take it any longer and somehow dug a way into the air ducts that has more room in it than Bruce Willis got in Die Hard. Seriously he could have had a ruck sack, a rifle, canteen and sidearms traipsing through this.

Blonde Escapee (Kascha of Hawaii Vice 2 through 8, Backdoor to Hollywood 6 and 7, Nina's Toys and Boys, Kascha's Days and Nights, Fade to Black, Girls of the Double D 5 and 8) you would think they could have given her character a name, dammit. So rather than alerting this escape, the poonhound higher ranking guard Spyder (Gregory Cummins of Cliffhanger, Last of the Dogmen, Evil Eye, The Italian Job, Bones, NCIS: Los Angeles and Bosch) slaps the guard assigned to watch the cellblock and pops a straight razor to slash his throat. Sensitivity training is coming your way, bubba.

Head Guard (Paul L. Smith of Popeye, Pieces, Dune, Midnight Express, Red Sonja, , Crossing the Line, Desert Kickboxer and Maverick) tends to Blonde Escapee and teaches the girls a lesson in why it's good to fall in line. He may also need to attend a sensitivity training class, or y'know be shot. Whichever works best.

Uh oh Bluto looks horny! Duck and cover!!

We pan shoot around a large ranch area meeting the Collins family. With Kathie (Roxanna Michaels of The Newlydeads, Baja, Glitch!, Playboy: Tales of Erotic Fantasies, David and Lola and Bikini Seasons 2) as her little sister Tracey (Elena Sahagun of Marked for Death, Stigmata, 44, Teenage Exorcist, Firetrap, Tremors 3: Back to Perfection and Magic Man) embarks to move out of the house to L.A. away from that awful, controlling Dad (Michael Parks of Walker, Texas Ranger, From Dusk Till Dawn, Wicked, Kill Bill: Vol. 1, Kill Bill: Vol.2, Deathproof, Planet Terror, Street Poet, Red State and Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair). Oh Dad, you're just too old to get this free spirit. Tee hee. Well Dad is handling this as best as he can but he does raise his concern of bad people doing bad things.

A hitchhiker Rhonda (April Dawn Dollarhide of Party Favors, Caged Fury and Dark Vengeance a.k.a. Warforce 3000) as to bail on her ride given he is trying to jump her. She and Tracey make their way to L.A. without a montage. Bit of a let down. Expected some tossing of Cheese Puffs or soda guzzling and a sing along with the songs on the radio but I move on.

Yeah yeah I know. Who are these people aside from Michael Park? What is the point of the film? Will there be shower scenes and so on and so forth. Well relax a damn minute and I will clue you in.

Off to the strip for some lukewarm rock, jiggling and debauchery. God I sound like an old man as I write this but that band was limp. Even Fred Durst would have walked. Meanwhile ex-stuntman Victor (Erik Estrada of ChiPs, Guns, The Modern Adventures of Tom Sawyer, Shattered Dreams, The Bold and the Beautiful, Chupacabra vs. The Alamo and Viturous) is looking to get a creep off of a buddy of his.

The night comes to a crashing halt as the bar bust ends in a fist fight via Victor and his buddy with action mullet Dirk (creator of American Combat Karate and martial artist Richard Barathy) trash the Rainbow Room from the looks of it.

Lulu (Janine Lindemulder of Moving Target, Lauderdale, Caged Fury, Hidden Obsessions, The Coven, Blonde Justice,Killer Looks, Way of the Dragon and Pirates) a hard rocking club girl having a good old time and was a hand in the bar fight herself.

Ewww.  Rat poop. Grody.

This "shoots" set up are shockingly enough involve around porn. Go figure. It seemed more on the up in up. The girls get scooped up due to the porn kingpin was tired of their bitching and whining so off to the gray bar hotel. The prosecution breezes through the charges claiming Tracey was a prostitute offering herself and...this is really blown out of proportion. The hearing is flashing after sentence so you know that went well.

The Warden Sybil (Mindi Miller of Hell Up in Harlem, Body Double, Amazons and Deadly Embrace)suffers no fools, gives the lay of the land (PUN INTENDED!) and tells the new inmates of the chores they can do to lighten their sentence.

Detectives Stoner (character actor extraordinaire James Hong of Chinatown, Bladerunner, Big Trouble in Little China, Merlin, Wayne's World 2, The Shadow, Mulan, Bladerunner video game, Spawn, Jackie Chan Adventures and RIPD) and Elston (Hugh Farrington of T.J. Hooker, Arizona Heat, Airwolf, The Terminator and Caged Heat) look into Tracey's rushed arrest and there is none on the books. Like she wasn't even charged or processed.

Feeling something's hinky between the jail and the porn kingpin so it's time for a montage??? Nah they just start investigating but hitting the streets and contacts a little rougher.

Will Tracey be locked up indefinitely?? How the hell would a prison get away with this?? And why does Paul Smith speak his lines so softly?

So the crux is young girls goof and get used and abused. Crooked system, crooked guards and warden. Seen it. This is not Chained Heat, folks. Never thought I would be using that as a base of comparison but there it is. The creativity is there but not a lot of follow through. This doesn't feel like the prison isn't being observed and even if it wasn't, um California taxes pay attention if not just the justice system. The warden will have pay for all the lingerie plus her bondage outfits and boy that does show up on a credit card purchase. Not sure the theme is either reform school girls or wayward girls. No real direct distinction.

Is it a thriller or is just an excuse to parade girls around in Fredrick's of Hollywood apparel. Primarily this is a sex slave scenario of millionaires blowing into town, porking away on their dollar and off they go. There is some actual drama between Tracey and Rhonda as they have each others' backs but the tropes are a bit heavy in this one. And the warden is channeling her inner Dyanne Thorne of the Ilsa She-Wolf series. Hell her name is Sybil Thorn which many believe a nod to both Sybil Danning of Chained Heat and Dyanne Thorne of Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS.

Exterior shots aside, my God California is some gorgeous country. From mountains, the desert and the forests, you forget how much of this nature beauty is there. Run time is 95 mins normally but there is an 85 min version.

Not my cup of tea but it has an audience somewhere and certainly not the darkest WIP film I have seen.

Critters 3 got kinky.

Linda Blair Week: Chained Heat

Welcome back for Day 5 of Linda Blair Week and it has been pretty amazing watching those numbers tally up. A quick heads up about Linda Blair's Worldheart Foundation http://www.lindablairworldheart.org/ as this is a rescue for pitbulls in the greater Los Angeles area. With Medical services, proper nutrition and behavioral classes to help give rescue dogs a better shot at life.

Well, the good taste could only prevail for so long. More than a few fans insisted that I watch and review a more adult themed Linda Blair film and if I must, I must. With a perverted John Vernon, Sybil Danning and Tamara Dobson ruling the pens, where can Linda Blair turn? This is Chained Heat.

So how do you tease your hair that way Val?

Young Carol (Linda Blair of Savage Streets, The Exorcist II: The Heretic, Moving Target, Up Your Alley, Bad Blood, The Chilling, Dead Sleep, Sorceress, Prey of the Jaguar, Supernatural, Whoa! and All is Normal) had a drunk driving accident that cost a man his life. The judge threw the book at her giving her no less than 18 months to serve her sentence. Our warden Bacman (John Vernon of Brannigan, S.W.A.T., Cannon, The Outlaw Josey Wales, Angela, Dirty Harry, Animal House, Savage Streets and Batman: The Animated Series)has aspirations to be the next Fellini using his prison hoes for a smut racket homemade pornographic films and distribution of coke. Double Secret Probation for you, sir!   Streetwise Val (Sharon Hughes of The Last Horror Film, Grotesque, Chained Heat and Mission: Killfast) who rocks her Aquanet hair becomes Carol's mentor giving her the tips to survival and how to loosen up in this madcap world behind bars.

You muthas messin' with Cleopatra Jones!?!

With the promise of drugs, sex and other such contraband, the male prison guards listen to their Captain Taylor (Stella Stevens of The Nutty Professor, The Poseidon Adventure, Santa Barbara, General Hospital and Megaconda) who keeps it on the up and up by is a partner to statuesque Duchess (Sybil Danning of The Three Musketeers, The Four Musketeers: Milady's Revenge, Cat in the Cage, Battle Beyond the Stars, Hercules, Howling II: Striba Bitch, Reform School Girls and Warrior Queen) is clearly a lifer running whatever kind of skag she can on her cell block and is a big deal next to her competition that Amazonian bit of loveliness, Duchess (Tamara Dobson of Fuzz, Cleopatra Jones, Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold, Murder at the World Series, Jason of Star Command, Chained Heat and Amazons). Tensions are high between the white and black cell blocks. Imagine what the Latinas, Germans and the Irish feel. I do feel the boom mic deserves a decent billing as I saw it more than a few times but nowhere near the top billed boom mic of Dolemite.

Tee hee!  I'm easy.

Naive Carol is caught in the middle of this bubbling cauldron and it only a matter of time before a block war goes up. Will she survive the next few days?? Can no one stop the madness???

With the grim and gritty atmosphere of in-house fighting, shower scenes, lesbian scenes and sleazy dialogue this makes for unusual viewing. The lighting choices of shadows, back lit and eerie synthesizer music was an odd choice but fits the mood pretty well. With racist fights, shanks and the staff being corrupt gives little to no hope of a night's sleep. Shockingly enough, as this is a women in prison film there is tons of nudity. I know, I too was surprised at this. The story is dark, some of the acting is over the top but we do have some classic Henry Silvia with his patented creepy smile and pleasant voice ensuring you would die slowly. This exploitation, sexploitation, blaxploitation film does have its cult following so you make of that what you will.

Who said this isn't my natural hair color!?!

Exploitation Encore: Amazon Jail

Hey there, gang. Y'know with today's title being as blatant as it is you would think this would be a candidate for multiple titles or Also Known As but alas this is not the case. This week of Exploitation Encore, I took random titles out and have no idea what each are until the research machine is in high gear and I sit down and peer at it in terror. Welp, shockingly enough I have managed to latch onto an obscure WIP flick so lucky me. WIP (Women in Prison) normally get very nude, force bisexuality and have other such graphic scenes with it so you can imagine that most women reading this, are shaking their collective heads in disgust. Ladies, I'm sorry but sometimes it is just the roll of the die on what I am stuck viewing. Hailing from Brazil and dubbed in English from the native Portuguese comes director Oswaldo de Oliveia's (Bare Behind Bars, The Brothel- Nights Prohibited and Boarding Virgin Girls) opus. This is Amazon Jail.

What do you mean this isn't the set for Black Mama, White Mama?

Shot in Brazil because...the cinematographers were afraid of Candiru swimming up their urethra...I guess, our feature opens with a very jaunty tune as the girls are being flown in under false pretenses. Gasp! In a women in prison film?!!  Well this is a twist! The promise of work has lured many a young and lovely girl to Brazil er um I mean the Amazon which in fact turns out to be a load of crap and the women are kidnapped and forced into a sex slavery for wealthy business tycoons that fly in just to get their jollies on. The dastardly duo that control the impromptu prison, Edgar (Sergio Hingst of Um Anjo Mau, Uma Tarde Outra Tarde, As Cangacerias Eroticas, Incesto, Touchy and Doramundo) and his wife Helena (Elizabeth Hartman of Uma Pistola para Djeca, Diabolicos Herdeiros, Macho e Femea, Senhora, Cinderela 77 and Boarding Virgin Girls) who run a tight ship with their bamboo like prison huts that look poorly constructed. By myself, it looks like I could tip it over but hey I didn't write the flick.

I don't want to even see Edgar's YELP review on his piss poor management skills, forced orgies and labor disputes. That will be a stern letter I can tell you.

 

 

Can't hear ya bub, I'm enjoying a single malt.

As this film is clearly written for deviant men and angry as hell lesbians we really don't have to struggle to understand the plot but my favorite over-the-top actors are the sweaty mustachio slave wrangler who didn't seem to have a name. No kidding he doesn't even have a name listed in IMDB aside from his own and the gay Satanist priest. I have to be honest, out of curiousity I gotta hear this guy's sermons at least once. Even Lucifier must have made a double take. Our quick thinking sex slaves Betty (Sandra Graffi of Anarquia Sexual, Amor Estranho Amor, As Safadas and Amazon Jail) and Liz (Elys Cardoso of Delicias do Sexo. Mulheres...Mulheres, Amor Estranho Amor, Vadias Pelo Prazer and Amazon Jail) decided they have partook of several orgies too many and hatch a scheme to get them free and get a little payback by...seducing the guards. BRILLIANT! No one would see that backfire at all. Now fellas, try not get upset but nudity doesn't kick in for 5 minutes. I know, I know. That can be a huge wait period for some of you but you just have knuckle down and accept it happening. Will Edgar get his just desserts?? Will the girls escape only to be eaten by piranha??

Let's see, from a technical standpoint the camera work looks clumsy and probably should not have been handheld, the lighting is piss poor and the whole editing process looks like it didn't really adhere to continuity or logic. In some cases it looks like scenes were clipped out so we could progress right to a lesbian scene so the audience didn't get bored. Characters are introduced suddenly vanish without any follow-up and our pure of heart good girls suddenly are vindictive and heartless overnight without any rhyme or reason to it.

So if you are looking for no story but plenty of shower scenes, lesbian encounters, cat fights and half-naked women sloshing through the jungle then this is a must. If you require any actual story arc, developed characters and subplots that match up all the while still have some scantily clad girls, I would recommend Savage Sisters directed by Eddie Romero. FYI, if this jiggly fest wasn't enough for you, worry ye not. Oswaldo de Oliveia made more than 20 flicks of similar standing.

Yes! Motorboat me on the way to Hell!!!

B-Movies in Spaaaaace!: Prison Ship

Hi all! This week I am crawling through the Z grade films of science fiction. What's Z grade, you ask? Well this is a film that has next to no budget, original concept and resort to T&A to sell their product. So how about a nice women in prison film? Not enough? How about women in prison on a starship? Aha! I knew I got your attention now. Brought to you by Roger Corman protege, sleaze exploitation director of sci-fi and horror, the schlockmeister himself, Fred Olen Ray (The Alien Dead, The Tomb, Commando Squad, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Deep Space, Bad Girls from Mars, Wizards of the Demon Sword, Evil Toons and Dinosaur Island), so you know it will sting but there is a shampoo for that. This is Prison Ship a.k.a. Star Slammer, Prison Ship: 2005, Starslammer: The Escape and The Adventures of Taura: Prison Ship Star Slammer.

Leeches: best treatment for back acne.

So as you can imagine my expectations on this flick were not high in the least, which is more than I can say for the writers who were clearly high as kites on blow, chicken scratching this opus out. Our movie opens with a girl being tortured with leeches??? Because...reasons. You step out of line and we go medieval on your ass. Oh no. Marsellus Wallace owns this ship! Far into the future (ahem, 2005) on a distant planet, war rages on.

Taura (Sandy Brooke of They Call Me Bruce?, Bits and Pieces, Consider It All Joy, One Way Out, Terror on Alcatraz, Deep Space and Nightmare Sisters) is weighing a battle against the forces of evil (um, just take my word for it. Never really good at determining sides unless there is a deep music score) when she is captured by the evil forces of Ross Hagen..? Er um I mean Bantor (Ross Hagen of Sidehackers, Hellcats, Avenging Angel, Armed Response, Commando Squad, The Phantom Empire, Warlords, Alienator, Blood Games and Dinosaur Island) a insane political tyrant that sentences Taura to "hard labor" (insert WIP joke here) aboard the prison ship Star Slammer... yeah it does sound like a bad porno title. I agree. Dealing with her crazed, sex starved Warden Exene (Marya Gant of A Polish Vampire in Burbank, Prison Ship, Cannibal Hookers and Halloween Night) and her badly permed lesbian guards. Oh FYI, the guard uniforms look like bad vinyl numbers from Fredrick's of Hollywood and our prisoner outfits are tank tops and velour shorty shorts. Yup really here to sell the "plot" and I am certain they cranked the a/c.

Eric Idle as Father Guido Sarducci as Gandalf in The Two Towers.

No sooner does Taura gain support from the rest of our teen gang I mean devious and deadly prison population, that a plan to overthrow the warden and guards is moving into action, but first we need some cat fights and food fights. I have no idea who this film is geared towards. Emotionally repressed twelve years residing in adult bodies would be my guess.

Our musical score sounds like a octave higher than John Williams Star Wars theme but yeah no one would be fooled and our credit sequence looks like it was cut with Windows 98 Movie Maker with actor names in Veranda and Comic Sans MS.   Chilling.  While our space ship scenes are shot in Melrose Stage in L.A. The damn planet shots are fricking Griffith Park using Bronson Canyon YET AGAIN!!! Damn right I am sick of this location and no I do not care how much money it saves the location scouts! I have seen this place in almost every B-movie flick from 1950s and on!

Sadly, I do recognize a lot of the cast but that is only due to watching schlocky films for the defunct epinions.com movie review. Aside from Ross Hagen and Richard Hench, I spotted none other than Vivian Schilling (writer/actress of Soultaker as Natalie) and for that I do regal that MST3K episode of Soultaker so I had a good laugh. Most of the space sequences are brought to you bought or stolen exterior space footage of John Carpenter's Dark Star and Roger Corman's Battle Beyond the Stars. Well at least they left classics like Space Mutiny alone. There is only so much Reb Brown screeching you can listen to.

Coming at us at 86 minutes, jiggly girls fight other jiggly girls and Ross Hagen is seriously hamming it up in front of the camera. So no this is not related to the novel The Prison Ship via Peter Tonkin about Maritime laws nor is it linked to Michael Bowers Sci-fi novel Prison Ship. That is just a coincidence of title changes over and over again.  My favorite part of the flick is John Carradine shot in blue screen as "The Justice" looking baffled in front of the camera like they just woke him up and asked him to read from a cue card.

So if you have a jiggly girl need that has to be fixed, no need for character development and you like blasters...I guess watch this.

Wow Ross, that is a lot of EVA foam you are wearing.

 

Savage Titles

Welcome back everyone that is still reading this blog. I compliment you on your unique tastes. I was on IMDB recently. Internet Movie Database for those that do not inhabit as often as I. I noticed the repetition of many things. For horror sequels, The Final Chapter is very common and never truly seems to end the franchise in question. The word fine is popular for most romantic comedies and the word savage seems to bounce back and forth for many a genre.

Exploitation pays the bills, baby.

After giving do this oddity, I proceeded to research a myriad of titles ranging from exploitation such as Women in Prison films, Horror and even some Sci-fi. What is the appeal of the word "savage"? Not sure but I am bound and determined to find out and that brings us to the topic of the week. Selecting different titles and having no knowledge of each film so they could be gems or absolute turds. So business as usual.

I invite you to read of my viewing pleasure and/or suffering and maybe, just maybe, we will find some entertainment ahead. At the very least we may have films in need of riffing, which also fun.

Welcome to Savage Titles!!! 

Sci-fi get silly? Preposterous!

Sid Haig Week: The Big Doll House

Well hello there folks and welcome to Sid Haig Week and what say we start this off right and classy??   So of course as we should kick this week off with a women in prison flick of course.  Yes the delights of a tropical locale of unknown origin, lesbian forceful guards, corrupt warlord and the horrors of addiction and political affiliation.   This is The Big Doll House.

Girl, you know I'm foxy.

Grear: You son of a spoiler! This is for Bodine,  You're rotten, Harry.  You know why?  'Cos you're a man.  All men are filthy.




This film is typical one of the cliche filmed in the Phillippines and yet held in some republic in South America.  Collier (Judith Brown of Threesome, Women in Cages, Slaughter's Big Rip-Off, Willie Dynamite, A Woman for All Men, International Assassin and House Calls) arrives to the prison with four other women as she is in for killing for her husband.  With the different personalities, cultures, and races there are constant fights during dinner which constantly tortured or disciplined lead guard Lucian (Kathyrn Loder of A Cry of Angels, The Big Doll House, Night of the Witches, Foxy Brown and Far Out Space Nuts) and Miss Dietrich (Christiane Schmidtmer of Stop Train 349, Ship of Fools, Boeing, Boeing, Scream, Pretty Peggy, Airport 1975, The Specialist, Half a House and The Giant Spider Invasion) the head warden couldn't be bothered to care one iota.

Damn girl, why ya gots to be cruel?

They have had enough of the abuse.  Her cellmates Alcott (Roberta Collins of Women in Cages, Sweet Kill, The Unholy Rollers, The Roommates, Wonder Women, Caged Heat, Three the Hard Way and Alias Big Cherry) and Bodine (Pat Woodell of 77 Sunset Strip, Petticoat Junction, Bunny and Claude: We Rob Carrot Patches, Class of '74, The Roommates and The Woman Hunt) agreed to help break out.  They need the aid of Grear (Pam Grier of Women in Cages, Cool Breeze, The Twillight People, Hit Man, Black Mama White Mama, Coffy, The Arena, Foxy Brown, Bucktown, Miami Vice and Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey) to coerce the other guards and use these two men who brought market produce and Fred (Jerry Franks of Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice and The Big Doll House)  and Harry (Our boy Sid Haig of Forty Days of Musa Dagh, The Fall Guy, Misfits of Science, Commando Squad and Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II) end up reluctantly helping them escape with arms.

A few comments to make at this time.

Jack Hill brings $125,000 as a budget and managed to gross over ten million dollars and amusingly 3 million in VHS rentals.  This was Pam Grier's first big acting role.   Because Brooke Mills (Harrad of The Big Doll House) was a trained ballet dancer. Hill added a dance sequence just to capture her on film.

 The infamous line "Get it up or I'll cut it off" line was improvised by Jack Hill and Robert Collins making this psychotic glance in her eye wielding a knife and nailed it. The line that is.

Hey, I am talking to you!

400th BLOG!!! Blaxploitation Week: Black Mama, White Mama

Howdy boys and girls and welcome back to Blaxploitation Week and boy did I find a winner to some, an abomination to others and folks undecided on it as well.    Our film has prison riots, corrupt, abusive guards, revolutionaries fighting with the existing government and more than a few sultry ladies.  Sadly, it is a less than flattering scenario that seems to have more than 400 incarnations.  Yes kids, this is a women in prison film so brace yourself.  This is Black Mama, White Mama.

Waking me up before the sun....grr...

Lee Daniels: Some jive-ass revolution don't mean spoiler to me!








Straight from the Phillippines our prisoners are brought to the gulag in this tropical country.  Our leads Lee Daniels (Pam Grier of The Big Doll House, Women in Cages, Coffy, Scream Blacula Scream, The Arena, Foxy Brown, Bucktown and Jackie Brown) a former harem girl and Karen Brent (Margaret Markov of Run, Angel, Run!, Pretty Maids All in a Row, The Hot Box, The Arena and There Is No 13)  a wide eyed revolutionary are dragged into crooked system leading to a world of utter disdain.  No sooner have the ladies have been delivered for a 5 minute shower scene.  The warden (Laurie Burton of My Friends Need Killing, My Breakfast with Blassie, Perfect and Our House) slaps Lee around with a leather glove. Yeah that was clearly needed to progress the storyline.  

Vas is "Spin the Bottle"?

Lee and Karen end up getting into a riot fight and literally were back to back wailing on these gals.  Both women are tossed in lock boxes to broil in the merciless sun.  Feeling these two troublemakers will ruffle more feathers they are shackled together and sent to the maximum security which involves a long drive into the jungles when revolutionaries hit the truck and takes off with the girls.

Lee is in hotter water than Karen with her former pimp/boyfriend being the biggest drug dealer lifting 40 large off him and hid it.  With their attempts to find her bearing no fruit and looking foolish, a rival gang lead by Ruben (Sid Haig of The Big Bird Cage, The No Mercy Man, Coffy, Foxy Brown, Jason of Star Command and House of 1000 Corpses) who wants the trades of drugs and human trafficking and gun-running under his thumb and his thumb alone.

I had just a few comments to make with this film.   Once again this film is shot in 35 mm Spherical and its cinematography is glorious to be had, the multiple units offering coverage from tri-pod mounted, vehicle mounted and some decent crane work and up pans.    So if you feel you need scantily clad or nude women running about, cat fights,  love the women in prison or just a big Pam Grier fan you might get some enjoyment out of this.  I will say that the pace and speed of the film does keep steady and means to keep the audience guessing and gripped.  Not a bad script but the content just feels juvenile to watch.

Oh stop arching.  You got the movie deal.